Inside Your Essence
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Womanhood Is Your Essence free porn video
Karen Brock was as particular as a panda bear was with its diet with how
she kept her closet. It was from right to left, blouses, skirts, slacks,
then dresses. Then each of those categories was organized into the
subcategory of colors: first black, then the colors in order, ROY G BIV,
gray then finally white. Multicolor items were categorized by the
primary color of the garment. The girl had this system for she wanted
some sort of order in her life. She knew someone has been raiding her
closet when she found the blue and white striped dress in with the
whites.
Karen needed to put a stop to going into her closet and finding this
mess. Her closet was the only thing she had control of in her life. She
was 12 and her body was changing. Her breasts started to develop almost
two years ago and soon she would get her first period. If these two
changes along with her body getting curvier were not enough; her mom,
Sabrina, was critically ill from cancer. That closet being exactly how
Karen wanted helped deal with all the stress in the preteen's life.
With all the friends and relatives coming to visit Karen's mom she had
no idea who it could be messing up her closet. It had to be some of them
just being nosy, trying to take their mind off of the reason why they
finally came around to visit without it being a special occasion. They
were trying to take their mind off of the fact that they were lying
about it not being a special occasion. This special occasion was a sad
somber one of Sabrina's visitors making sure they gave the lady who was
in hospice care a final goodbye.
After seeing more telltale signs of someone rummaging through her
belongings, Karen had enough. She asked one of the couples she babysat
for, the Wendts, if she could borrow their nanny cam. First, they
denied having one. It was a little embarrassing to them that a person
they spied on knew they did so. Then when Karen told the protective
parents she understood why they were watch over her the first time she
babysat and explained the reason she wanted the camera they honored her
request.
Karen knew the unwanted browser would not even notice the nanny cam like
she did. It was hard for her not to notice it, the Wendts put a teddy
bear on the mantle and when the first thing the couple did when they
came back from their night out was to look to make sure it was still in
the same place. Karen had a sloth of teddy bears in her room and she
just put the covert surveillance device in front of a couple of them.
Then, after a couple of nights of having the nanny cam, Karen was
getting ready for bed when she saw her closet was a mess. She was
finally going to find out who has been in her closet. When checking her
clothes Karen saw that the perpetrator hung up the pleated black skirt
and the white blouse on the wrong hangers. It was plastic hangers for
her skirts and metal hangers for her blouses. After putting the clothes
on the right hanger, the novice sleuth went to bed knowing she had the
evidence to solve her first case. Karen was going to wait the next
morning to find out who done it. The lady lady was too tired to get the
tape from inside the teddy bear.
**********
Alan Brock was a typical teenage boy. Just like any typical teenage boy,
he had the pressure of discovering who he was by finding his place in
the world, learning his real goals, dreams and aspirations were,
figuring out what was really important to himself and learning how to be
comfortable with who he was. Even when he realized that he was a
transgender lady he would still be a typical teenager. It would just be
she was finding her place in the world and discovering who she was and
learning to be comfortable with who she was.
He also had the added pressure of his mom dying from cancer. Knowing he
was going to lose the first woman who loved him was devastating to him.
Alan knew she had so much more wisdom to share with him. The teenager
also had so much to say which he could not. Alan could not share what he
needed to for he has yet learned it. He wished he could tell his mom the
name of the first grandchild he gave her, the name of that special
someone he was going to spend the rest of his life with, or even just
the address of the first home he owned.
Having this premature goodbye with his mom came with the added pressure
of him needing to take on more responsibilities around the house. This
pressure came all from himself, his dad, Richard, never asked either of
his children to do anymore more. The wise Father knew they had enough on
their plate just growing up with the tragedy of losing their mother to
add more chores for them to do.
The Brocks had a strong support system. Their friends and family were a
great safety net so Richard never needed to ask for any extra from his
children. This did not stop either of them pitching around the house
more. Alan made sure he did more than his little sister. He believed
that it had to be harder on her for she was losing her main female role
model. Even with how much the boy admired his mom, he was under the
false assumption that he did not need his mom as much as Karen. The
woman he really was also needed that main female role model.
The teenager who was struggling with the harsh realities of life did
find a little relieve by helping around the house. Alan was surprised
how relaxing it was to do the cleaning and much he enjoyed having the
household just how he wanted it. It gave Alan great satisfaction when
the young man made a new dish and it was a hit with his family. Alan
felt himself becoming stronger when he was the emotional support to his
dad or sister.
Even contributing around the house making Alan feel better, the only
time he felt at ease was when he snuck into his sister's room and put on
her clothes. It was easy enough for him to do with their rooms being
across the hall from each other in the basement level of their Split
Level Ranch. The den was not in use for the summer before their parents
added an extension to the upper level. It was a living room with a deck
attached.
Richard and Sabrina hated the original basement living room in their
house did not get any sunlight. At first, they were going to move but
loved the neighborhood too much to do so. After deciding to get an
additional room the Brocks added plans for a deck. The deck would make
it easier for the family to entertain in the summer. That deck was also
supposed to be where Richard and Sabrina sat in their old age and look
out on the ? acre backyard filled with the trees they planted. Now those
two sat out there talking about the future only one of them have.
So, Alan had the lower level all to himself with Karen upstairs soaking
in the most precious commodity anyone has, time, with their mom and
their dad at work, Alan snuck into his sister room. The boy who did not
know he was on candid camera smiled when he saw that his sister added a
new teddy bear to her collection then went to pick out his outfit.
**********
Karen woke up early on Saturday, she got right out of bed to watch the
video from the nanny cam. As the tape started all the girl could think
of was how she was going to give whoever invaded her privacy and messed
up the order in her life a verbal beatdown. How everyone was going to
know what happened would be like a huge do not disturb sign for her
room. The girl who needed to have a little control and order was so
looking forward to not ever having to rearrange her clothes from someone
else putting chaos in her closet.
The thoughts of how Karen was going to put the perpetrator in their
place quickly left when she saw the act of Alan opening her door was
what set off the motion detector. All she could think of was why would
Alan do so. The girl laughed when she saw her brother smile at the
hidden camera. She knew he was happy to see that his little sister got a
new bear to her collection.
Quickly, while looking around the room to make sure no one else was in
it, her brother picked the white blouse and pleated black skirt out of
the closet. Then he quickly went out of the room. Karen knew she had
five minutes of watching her empty room until the camera stopped taping.
She did not fast forward to her brother returning the clothes because
she needed time to think about what she just saw.
The reason Karen needed time to think was her original question of why
someone was messing up the order in her closet was not important
anymore. The prime concern was now to understand her brother. Only
knowing that Alan was a crossdresser was not enough. She needed to know
why her brother wanted to wear women's clothes. Is she knew why then
Karen can be there for her brother
Alan's little sister's new priority came from her wanting and needing to
be supportive of Alan's secret. Karen wanted to be supportive of her
older Brother because of how he has been there for her doing this
chaotic period of their life. She was going from being a girl to a young
woman and Alan always made sure he had time when she needed someone. She
needed to be there for Alan because he was family.
*********
Even after Alan had the outfit into his room, he tried to fight off the
urge to enjoy wearing it. The young man knew it would be wrong to feel
the ill-gotten pleasure of wearing what fit his sense of fashion. Every
action which led him to this moment of relief was wrong. Going into his
sister's room was wrong because it was an invasion of her privacy.
Borrowing Karen's clothes was wrong because he did not have his sister's
permission. The worse was how good wearing those clothes felt was wrong.
Alan knew a young man should not feel so natural in a skirt and blouse.
Even with resisting the urge Alan knew he would soon succumb to putting
the outfit which should, but did not, bring him shame. Alan's knowledge
of the shame going away as soon as he had the outfit on made the siren's
call of the skirt and blouse impossible to resist. Also, how calm those
clothes made him feel gave him strength to be there for his family.
Maybe this time the shame would not come back after wearing the outfit.
It should not for wearing that outfit was for the greater good.
Alan finally gave in because supper was going to be in an hour. He only
wanted a half hour immersed in them. He loved wearing that outfit while
watching his favorite anime, Battle Angel Kira. Being in that pleated
black skirt and white blouse helped him connected better to the heroine
of the series, Kira. That was her outfit.
Alan had an affinity for Kira as soon as he watched the first episode.
Like him she was the oldest child in her family, she struggled with
helping her family while maturing into becoming an adult and finally she
had a secret which she could not tell anyone. The people in her village
would shun her if they knew she was a battle angel. Kira's community
wanted the protection of battle angel but did not want any of them
living close. This was for the presence of a battle angel broke the
walls between realities and made nexuses to the Netherworld pop up.
Even if their life being so similar Alan would have still felt that
close connection to Kira. She had all the qualities which he wanted. She
was mentally and physically strong, kind, compassionate, resilient and
had a curvy body. Alan felt shallow that he would dream about having her
hips and breasts. It was so superficial to want them, but he knew it
would feel so right.
After watching Kira banishing General Oni back to his homeplane, Alan
waited before changing. It just felt too good to be in a hurry to take
this outfit off right away. Each time he wore them it was getting harder
and harder to change right after the show. At first, he could not keep
on the outfit for the entire half hour, now Alan would stay in the skirt
and blouse for almost an half hour after the show. During that time the
young man would picture himself as Kira.
At first, Alan would imagine himself as the Kira from the show, but
after time the lady he saw in his head started to change. Each time,
little by little she became more of a feminine version of Alan than the
anime character he adored. Instead of picturing the female version of
himself with her battle wings fully spread wielding a flaming avenger
sword now Alan thought of going to his school as Kira. At school as
Kira, he would be hanging out more with Lisa, Eve and Monica. He just
knew he would be in that group as Kira. Those three girls had the same
interests in music and literature as Alan. It was nice to think about
talking to them about everything and anything. The shame would not come
back when he thought about them talking about the boys. Alan knew that
boys could be cute. Alan also thought about how great it would be to
Karen's big sister. He could better help guide her into becoming a
woman.
Each time Alan's thoughts went into the vortex of fantasy of being Kira,
he would stay a little longer. He got snapped out of it when thinking of
going home and seeing his mom healthy and making supper. That was the
best part of his dreamworld, but reminded the young man where his mind
was does not exist.
On of the side effects of coming back through the nexus to reality was
tears in his eyes.This time the tears were worse because out of all he
saw which was not to be, his mom being healthy was what he wanted the
most. He quickly wiped them away and looked at the time. He needed to
start supper. In his rush to get upstairs to get upstairs to help around
the house the young man took of the blouse and put it on the first
hanger he grabbed then he put the skirt on the other.
*********
For the next four years, Karen never told Alan she knew his secret.
Karen did hate finding her closet a mess, but knew how important the
dressing was to Alan. Karen knew, from watching the video, Alan needed
to dress as a form of stress release. He was still in a hurry returning
the clothes but could see from his posture how much calmer he was. The
important fact which the caring little sister did not know was why it
was a stress release. The reason was wearing those clothes made Alan
feel whole.
Another reason Karen never said anything was after their mom passed away
her obsession about order in her closet waned. She still wanted order in
there, but finding the mess left behind by her brother did not affect
her as bad. Karen knew it would only take a minute to get her clothes
back where they belong
Lastly it was not worth bringing the delicate subject because Alan
borrowing her clothes became a less frequent occurrence. It went from a
couple of almost daily to once a week. It was always on a Thursday and
also the same outfit, the white blouse with a black pleated skirt. Karen
assumed Alan was crossdressing less. The real reason was her brother
started to buy his own wardrobe. Alan never bought the Kira outfit, for
he could not find any white blouse or black pleated skirt which were
better than the one his sister owned.
During that time of withholding her knowledge of Alan's crossdressing
did not stop Karen from being supportive to her big brother. In fact,
Alan not knowing helped her. The young lady who wanted to help was able
to in passing give tips about fashion and makeup when talking with him.
Alan was none the wiser he sister giving those tip by how she worked
them seamlessly into the conversation. Karen would also leave her
copies of Vogue and other fashion and lifestyle magazines in their
shared downstairs bathroom for him to read.
With the unknown support Alan was able to rapidly progress in his
journey into the woman he really was. All the knowledge Karen indirectly
taught Alan helped with his confidence. Alan did not have to learn
makeup using only trial and error, he would try the techniques his
little sister told him about. Reading his sister's magazines while in
the bathroom, help Alan better understand fashion and gave him more tips
on makeup. Karen talking with Alan like he was one of the girls
encourage the young man, who was really a lady, to response in kind.
Alan's new found confidence in himself as a herself stopped the vortex
of the fantasy world from opening. Now instead of picturing being Kira,
Alan became her when dressed. The new reality which came from being in
communion with Kira's femininity and womanhood might not had been as
glamorous as the fantasy, but living as who she really was so much
better.
Then after four years, it became apparent to Karen she needed to tell
Alan about knowing his secret. It was only three weeks into the fall
semester of his freshman year at Indiana University of Pennsylvania and
her brother was talking about dropping out. His new plan was to return
home and start his higher education again at the local community college
in the spring term.
To most people, Alan's decision that right now being away from his home
was not the best course of action would have been a sign of him being
mature and wise beyond his year. To Karen, it did not make sense. Alan
started college right after graduation because he was in a three year
accelerated program. He wanted to be a physics teacher and IUP's program
would make his goal come to fruition quicker. During the summer term,
Alan excelled academically and socially. The young man made the Dean's
List and had a great core of friends who were in the accelerated
program. To Alan, the best part was his core of friends were filled with
some of the ladies in the program. He could feel like one of the girls.
Then when the fall term started within a week there was a noticeable
change in Alan's mood when he called home on Sunday night. His voice was
not as upbeat and he was a half step behind in his conversation with
Karen and his dad. Then the second week, when they had to call him, was
a huge warning sign. Alan was not the type to forget to call so when
they called and he said he was already in bed at 8 Karen knew something
was extremely wrong. During the brief conversation, Alan said he was
coming home next weekend to talk about changing the path to becoming a
physics teacher.
Richard asked his son not to make any hasty decisions. The Father knew
how hard it could be to go back to university after taking a break.
Between his sophomore and junior years, Richard took a year off. He
wanted to put his head back on straight, Richard knew he was a poor
student and should be doing better in school. He was too worried about
his social live at Temple instead of getting great grades.
That one year off from school became 10 years because of him getting a
job as a temp at the post office and making good money for a 20 year
old. It was only going to be two years when he was hired full time.
Being a great worker made it so he moved up into management only after 5
years. He would have never went back to school for life happened, he got
married and started a family. The only reason he made it a point to
continue his higher education was it would help advance his career.
This second warning sign of changing plans added to Karen's concerned
about her brother. Alan was the impatient type. He was not the type of
person who would prolong achieving what he wanted or doing what needed
to be done to achieve his goals. Her brother adding at least one year to
getting his goal was not him.
Alan had made the decision to come back home for he fell into a huge
depression once he was move from a single room in the summer term to a
double room in the fall. His life went quickly from a sunny afternoon to
a never ending night. With having a room to himself, Alan was able to
dress as Kira every night that summer. Even if it was just for an half
hour before bed, that time, being in touch with who he was, helped Alan
be the best he could be in all his endeavours. Now what should be his
safe haven to be the she he was was yet another place the young man felt
under surveillance.
Alan was going to wait to tell his father and sister his decision until
Sunday. He wanted to see if just a little time as Kira during this
weekend will help him rejuvenate enough to be able to give his education
the time and effort it needed. The young man who desired time as a young
woman did not get that any time to be Kira. Alan got home at 4:00 and
with their dad not due home from work until 6:00, he was going to tell
Karen he was going to take a nap and just spend an hour dressed how he
wanted to.
Karen knew exactly what Alan was doing and waited 15 minutes until she
walked into his room. She did not like invading her brother's privacy
but needed to. Catching him dress as Kira was the only way she knew how
to talk about Alan's secret.
Alan was intensely watching his favorite episode of Kira Battle Angel
when his door opened. The man who was becoming Kira almost jumped out of
the white blouse and black pleated skirt he was wearing when he heard
the creak of his door. The hybrid of Alan and Kira was startled from the
unexpected visitor and also finally someone finding out his secret. This
made the person between gender become all Alan
"Little Sister it is rude to just walk into someone's room without
knocking."
Karen understood why Alan was being defensive. He did not want to talk
about being caught in a dress. Seeing her brother in the outfit was
nothing to Karen, so instead of talking about the crossdressing she
talked about him thinking of coming home. "It is also rude to borrow
someone's clothes without asking them, but I did not come in here
unannounced to talk about manners.
I am worried about you. It is not like you to change your plans like you
are. Don't give me you are not fitting in at college. You did great
during the summer. I want to know what is bothering my big brother."
Alan just sat there; he did not know how to take what his little sister
said. Karen saw him in her blouse and dress and did not say a thing
about what he was wearing. Alan was baffled by how she acted like it was
as normal as water being wet seeing him in a skirt.
Karen was frustrated that her brother did not respond. "Aren't you going
to say something?"
"I can ask you the same."
There was silence then Karen realized her brother was referring to him
being in a dress. "Oh, you are a crossdresser, I knew that for years."
"I am not a crossdresser."
The frustration of her brother thinking of dropping out of college now
grew for she thought of all those times Alan left her closet a mess.
"You are a crossdresser! You have been raiding my closets for years! Why
did you think that I would talk about my makeup or my magazines was left
in our bathroom? I was trying to help and support you in your
crossdressing.
I do not care that you like to do that. It drives me crazy that you
leave my closet a mess. Please, from now on put things back how you
found them."
Alan had a look of fear on his face which was as intense as the
adrenaline running through his system. The fear came from him not being
able to say the truth to his sister. If he could not be honest to his
sister about who he was then he had no hope in ever actually being Kira.
Alan knew Karen deserved to know that him messing up her closet was not
just for the thrill of wearing her clothes. He wore those skirts,
blouses and dresses to feel complete.
Karen knew her brother's fear came from not being able to say anything.
She thought her big brother was scared that she would judge him about
his taboo hobby.
"Alan, I would open up to you about anything and have. You never looked
down on me about anything I said. When I told you I was mad at Mom for
dying, you did not think that I was being petty. You knew my anger was
misplaced."
Alan knew this was the moment of truth. Alan knew Karen would not be
able to come to him for help if he closed her off right then. Being able
to be there for his Little Sister was more important than continuing the
charade of being her older brother."Sis, I am not a crossdresser. It is
more than just wearing these clothes.
My body does not match who I should be. I should be a woman. When I wear
these clothes I am not Alan, I am Kira. I should always be Kira. Now at
school I have no time to be who I should be.
This summer I did. I had my own room. It was so great, everynight I
would wear one of my outfits. Having that time helped me find my group
of friends. I felt like one of the girls with them during the summer,
now I feel like a cheap imitation.
Now with a roommate, I can't dress. I tried once when he went out on a
Friday night but was so scared of him coming home early."
Tears started to run down Alan's face. At that moment, the young man
believed that he would never be the woman he should be. That he was
going to have to come to term to having a life of watching so many other
enjoy being the she he should be without even appreciating their gender.
At that moment Alan quit being older Brother to Karen. She now saw him
as her sister. The lady who gained a sister went over and hugged her
crying sibling. "Kira, wearing that blouse and skirt does not make you
who you are. Your body does not either. Womanhood is your essence. You
are a female and a wonderful one.
I will help you any way I can so you can be who you are. Just think of
all the help I gave you indirectly. You will be able to thrive. Kira,
you need to stay in school. Your friends do not see you as a cheap
imitation. I know they don't. I saw how they interacted with you. I will
be the best Little Sister you could have."
Kira's tears dry up and she started to sniffle. The love and support
gave her the strength she needed to not need to dress to be who she was
until the time was right. She knew she could come home to this safe
haven. The safe haven became even better for she know had someone she
could directly interact with as who she was. "Karen, you are not my
Little Sister, you are my Bis Sis. I am your baby sister."
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