"Another question?" Becca asks, grinning as several members of the
assembled crowd eagerly raise their hands. "Okay, you at the back!"
"What are your favourite tracks on the new album?" The journalist
asks, making the four of us grin.
"Ooh, good question!" Adeola chuckles, even though it's a question
we've already been asked several times over the last ten days.
"Mine's probably 'Overcast', we've never really done a 'dark' song
before, it was fun to mix it up a little. Bex?"
"Hmm," Becca says with a playful grin. "I really liked 'Rebellion'.
Mainly because the music video was REALLY fun to record, hehe!"
"Mine's probably the same," I concur, smiling as I think back to the
day spent in a recording studio dressed in a costume that was half-
cheerleader, half-ninja and all feminine and beautiful. I can't help
but think back to the first music video we recorded three years ago-
three years that seem like a lifetime.
When we recorded the music video for 'Heaven is a Place on Earth', I
was a nervous, shy- well, not exactly 'boy' but not exactly 'girl'
either. I was constantly in fear of being 'found out', constantly
worried that I wouldn't be good enough for the band, or that I'd be
rejected by our fans when our video was launched... But when we
recorded the video for Rebellion, I was confident in my identity. I
was 'Stephanie', not 'Steve', undoubtedly a girl, not a boy, more
than talented enough to be a part of the band and loved by countless
fans not just in the UK but around the world as well. The only thing
that's the same as 2015 is that I got just as big a kick out of
wearing the 'cheerleader/ninja' costumes as I did the 'angel' costume
I wore on that first day!
While I've undoubtedly changed a lot since that first day, both
physically and mentally- to the point where I'm almost
indistinguishable from a 'natural' girl, even when stripped down to
my underwear- in many ways it's not the biggest change in my life.
That honour goes to the tiny blonde girl sat on my immediate left- or
rather, the very special relationship that we both share.
Kayla and I have been going out now for eight months, and in that
time, we've grown closer as both friends and lovers- even if the
physical aspect of 'lover' is still very infrequent. Well, the sexual
part of 'physical', anyway, as we seem to spend every night cuddled
together on the sofa, or sharing a bed in a non-sexual manner
(especially during the cold winter we had). And yet, as far as the
public- and a good chunk of our friends- are concerned, we're still
just bandmates, or at the very most, flat mates. And many of our
friends who do know about us aren't exactly happy about having to
keep our secret for us...
"How about you, Kayla?" Becca asks. "You with Steph on this one?" The
look of anger in my girlfriend's eyes is a brief but unmistakable one
that makes me flinch, but doesn't faze Becca at all.
"It WAS a fun video," Kayla says with a professional, sweet smile.
"But I've got a soft spot for 'Time Enough'."
"That was your solo track on the album," the reporter who originally
asked the question asks. "Is there any truth to the rumours that
you'll all be embarking on solo careers soon and taking a break from
the group?"
"No truth," Adeola says firmly. "All four of us are fully committed
to the group. End of story."
"What about the rumours stating that Lauren McTavish might be
rejoining the group?" Another journalist asks. "You have been seen
socialising with her in recent weeks." Twice, I think to myself, once
was on her birthday and the other was just a random run-in at a
coffee shop last month. Hardly concrete evidence, though knowing the
British press...
"...We don't have any comment there at this time," I say, trying not
to wince as I feel Becca and Adeola's accusing stares burn a hole in
the side of my head. "Think we've got time for one more question?"
"Make it a good one!" Becca giggles, instantly returning to her
friendly public persona.
"Will any of you be appearing on Strictly Come Dancing this year?" A
reporter from the back of the cramped room asks.
"...DEFINITELY no comment!" Adeola giggles.
After the questions have all been asked, we pose for a quick photo
opportunity, before the four of us leave the room, waving and blowing
kisses to the assembled reporters as we leave.
"Ahh...." Becca breathes once the four of us are back in our fancily-
decorated dressing room. "And that, girlies, is a wrap on the Out of
Heaven publicity tour of 2018!"
"Ugh, can't wait to get back home!" Kayla chuckles. "Feels like I've
been away for a month, hehe!"
"It's only been ten days!" Adeola teases. "We'll be in Spain longer
than that, hehe!"
"Not that our holiday isn't hard-earned, of course!" Becca chuckles.
"All of us, even if you two are going somewhere a little less hot,
hehe!"
"Less hot?" Kayla teases. "You seen Nikki's Facebook posts? It's,
like, 35 degrees over there!"
"And I'm sure Minnesota can make room for four more, if you change
your mind?" I say with a pout and (I hope) convincing puppy dog eyes.
"...Maybe next time," Becca says with a giggle.
"I'm not an expert on marriage," I tease, "but I'm pretty sure Alexa
and Jenny are only planning on getting married once? I mean, it's
usually for keeps, isn't it?"
"It had better be!" Adeola giggles as she gazes as the beautiful
diamond ring that suddenly appeared on her left hand last month.
"You know what I mean," Becca sighs. "I mean, yes, I'd love to go to
America, but I don't know them as well as you two do, you know?"
"And we'll be heading over before the end of the year anyway, if what
my uncle says is true," Adeola says as we begin changing out of our
designer dresses and into more comfortable street clothes, which in
my case means a tight, short-sleeved top, a clingy grey miniskirt
and, of course, a pair of knee-high boots!
"Joshua has been really busy lately," Kayla muses as she changes into
her own trademark long-sleeved bodysuit and long pencil skirt. "I
mean there's what, Ireland and Spain launching soon?"
"Is that why you guys are going to Spain?" I ask. "Joshua roped you
into a working holiday?"
"No, and do NOT give him that idea!" Adeola chuckles. "We've all
earned some time off."
"Though if you could dish out a few copies of the album when you head
over to America...?" Becca says with her own pout and puppy dog eyes.
"...Yes, yes, already taken care of," I giggle. "Ahh... You know,
I've actually had fun this last week? I mean, more than I thought I
would? Still sometimes need to remind myself that this is actually a
job, heh!"
"I know what you mean," Becca chuckles. "Though I'd probably have
enjoyed this week a bit more if I'd been snuggled up next to Riley
all the time too!" I blush and bite my lip, as does my girlfriend, as
our bandmates tease us with very smug grins.
"...We don't kiss and tell, you know that!" Kayla mumbles as our
bandmates' giggles intensify.
"Stephanie and Kayla, sitting in a- hotel room, F-" Becca playfully
sings.
"We are SO not putting that on the fourth album!" Adeola teases her
BFF as Kayla and I exchange an eye roll. Ever since our falling out
over Lauren's birthday, the old 'divide' in the band- with Becca and
Adeola on one side, and me and Kayla on the other- has returned, and
seems to be getting wider with every passing day. Don't get me wrong,
I still love both of them and wouldn't even dream of singing with
anyone else, but I sometimes wonder whether or not the band will ever
be the same again. The fact that we'll be heading in opposite
directions for our holidays doesn't exactly help my worries there,
either...
A short while later, after we've all changed, the four of us head
through the shopping centre's private car park and into the bright
pink London taxi that's waiting for us. Even though it's not our
faces on the side of the taxi, we still get to use it for any
official business, and it never fails to attract attention as it
rolls along the streets of London.
"Reckon we should have loaned the Angelmobile to Harry and Meghan for
the wedding?" Becca chuckles as we wave to fans en route to our
destination, many of whom are videoing the car on their phones, and a
good few of whom are clad in Out of Heaven or Angels t-shirts!
"Like they could afford it," Adeola giggles. "We ought to have an Out
of Heaven themed taxi, you know?"
"It's your uncle who's in charge of the budget," I shrug. "And we're
going to see him now..."
"And it WAS your idea," Kayla teases as our dark-skinned friend
winces.
"...Stupid idea," Adeola mumbles as the rest of us giggle. Sometimes,
the 'divide' isn't all that wide after all.
Eventually, the Angelmobile arrives at the head offices of Heavenly
Talent, where we're ushered up the stairs and into the big, fancy
office of the agency's owner- who looks more than a little pleased
with us!
"My heavenly singers!" Joshua booms as we enter his office and sit
down on his plush sofa. "The reviews are coming in for your album and
everyone loves it- but how could they not? More importantly, copies
are flying off the shelves- or flying off of iTunes or Amazon, as
this is 2018, heh!"
"Where are we in the charts?" Becca eagerly asks.
"4th," Joshua replies. "But No More Lies and Stronger are also seeing
more sales and YouTube and Spotify views are way up too. You have
definitely earned your holidays, heh! But you have also earned my
personal thanks for your continued hard work. The group did get off
to a rocky start. But now you are not just singers, not just friends.
You are family. MY family. The three of you are my nieces just as
surely as Adeola is."
"Thanks," Becca, Kayla and I whisper, all of us sniffling at Joshua's
unbridled affection.
"Thank YOU," Joshua says. "Thank you all for everything you have
done. I will not keep you long- you have earned your holiday, after
all! But we still have some business to take care of before you four
are free, heh!" The four of us smirk as Joshua opens up a chart on
his laptop and talks us through what we'll be doing upon our return
from holiday, which will mostly be recording our fourth album but
will include television appearances, potential future publicity
tours, another visit to America in November- and, most excitingly of
all, a possible appearance on Strictly Come Dancing for one of us!
The four of us are 'dismissed' just after 2:30pm, and after bidding
Becca and Adeola farewell with a tight hug each (their flight is
later tonight so they need to get home to pack), Kayla and I hop into
a waiting taxi that takes us to a nearby coffee shop that's quickly
become our favourite haunt. There are many reasons for this- firstly,
it's owned by Joshua, so we get an 'employee discount' despite not
working there, secondly, it has an 'Angel' theme and there are photos
of Out of Heaven on the wall as well, but thirdly, and most
importantly, there are usually Angels inside the shop as well- four
of whom are sat around one of the shop's larger tables. Naturally,
their presence (not to mention mine and Kayla's) is attracting some
attention from fans both inside and outside the shop, but the
attention of everyone at the table is centred on the five incredibly
cute little infant girls sat alongside their mothers!
"Hey everyone!" Kayla giggles as she approaches the table while I get
us each a cup of sweet hot chocolate. "Hope we're not interrupting an
'Angel mother and baby' session, hehe!"
"Ah sure, you're fine," Mary says as her youngest daughter wriggles
around in her lap, defying her mother's attempts to feed her. "Think
Mrs. Hartley over there will be glad of the distraction!"
"Ugh, that's putting it mildly," Charlotte says with an exasperated
laugh as she tries to calm the two agitated babies in the stroller
next to her.
"You can't complain, you wanted a girl," Krystie teases. "You just
got two for the price of one, hehe!"
"Two for the price of THREE," Charlotte complains. "I'm constantly
worried little Keithy's jealous of all the attention his sisters are
getting..."
"Where's Eilish today?" Viks asks as she feeds her well-behaved 15
month old daughter.
"Looking after little Keithy while his dad's ad work!" Charlotte
chuckles. "Ahh... It'll all be worth it in the end."
"Though we would recommend you two wait until you're both a little
older!" Krystie teases Kayla and I as we sit down in the very cramped
space made available for us. Two months ago, this teasing would've
been general teasing of two women in their early twenties. Today,
however, it's teasing of two women in their early twenties who are
known to be a couple, and who hid that relationship from the women
doing the teasing for several months. Charlotte et al say they have
no problem being kept in the dark for so long- our private life IS
our own business, after all- but every time I tell someone, I can't
help but worry about how they react. It's not like I don't have a
reputation for keeping things to myself, after all...
"Ahh... You do at least have that option, don't you?" Charlotte asks.
"Jamie's biggest regret is that she never saved any sperm- not that
she doesn't adore Olivia, of course- but you, you know, 'deposited',
didn't you Steph?"
"...I may have done," I mumble as my cheeks immediately flush.
"Ah- sorry, sorry, sensitive topic, I know," Charlotte sighs. "Guess
I'm just missing my BFF, heh. If it wasn't for these two I'd totally
have gone to New York with her, Stuart and Olivia."
"Meanwhile, the rest of us working mums still have to, you know,
work," Krystie teases, giggling as Charlotte sticks her tongue out at
her. "Can you believe I've never been to America? I am totally taking
this little one to D-I-S-N-E-Y when she's old enough, heh!"
"We've never been either," Kayla says. "Gonna make a little road-
well, trip of it after the wedding, see some of the country."
"Umm, not everywhere in America is all that LGBT friendly, you know?"
Mary says hesitantly. "Hope you're not planning on going to Alabama?"
"Vegas first, then San Francisco, then hopefully back to Minnesota
for the 4th of July," I say. "Already got the plane tickets booked!"
"Ah well sure, you should be fine in those two cities more than
anywhere else in the world, hehe!" Mary giggles.
"And Vegas, eh?" Charlotte coos. "Keith and I went to Vegas two years
ago, and I did kinda come back with a heavier hand..." Kayla and I
blush again as Charlotte playfully waves her left hand- complete with
wedding ring- at us.
"Good for you," Kayla mumbles. "We- umm, we can't stay long, got to,
you know, unpack after the tour, then pack for the holiday..." The
four other women at the table nod quietly, correctly assuming they've
brought up a sensitive topic.
"Well- make sure you take plenty of pictures, heh!" Viks chuckles.
"Can do!" I chuckle as the topic of conversation turns to something a
little less intimate.
About half an hour later, Kayla and I hop in a taxi and return to our
flat, where our tour suitcases have already been dropped off, ready
for us to unpack and repack with what we'll be taking with us to
America.
"SO glad to be home," Kayla chuckles as she carries her swimwear
drawer through to the living room and starts sorting through bikinis.
"But so glad to be going on holiday too, hehe! Is that weird, wanting
two different things like that?" You mean like wanting a committed
relationship with me but also wanting to keep it secret and freaking
out at the thought of marriage? I think to myself.
"...Not really," I reply. "I mean, home's great, like in that Owen
Wilson advert, but holidays are, well, holidays, aren't they? Hardly
silly to like two things that are both great."
"Yeah, I guess," Kayla shrugs. "Do kinda wish I had a day or two to
relax here before jetting off, though."
"Aww," I purr as I slowly wrap my arms around my girlfriend's slender
frame. "'relaxing' with me?"
"Naturally," Kayla giggles, standing on tip toes to give me a kiss.
"And heading down to Southampton to see my parents too, been over a
month since I last saw them, heh." ...And changing the topic AGAIN, I
think to myself.
"We can see them when we get back," I shrug, releasing Kayla to pack
my own considerable bikini collection into my suitcase. "You printed
out our boarding passes?"
"Got them right here!" Kayla chuckles as she pats her handbag. "Got
your passport?"
"Yep," I say with a sigh as I flip the brown booklet open and stare
at the picture inside- and, more specifically, the letter 'F' next to
where it says 'gender'. Even though I haven't been taking oestrogen
for 24 months, Dr Phillips was more than happy to supply evidence
that I had lived as a woman for the prerequisite amount of time to
qualify for a gender recognition certificate, which I was awarded a
few months ago, and which I quickly used to get all of my documents
changed over.
"Still hung up on that little letter 'F'?" Kayla teases. "Can't blame
you. It's not like you didn't earn it, hehe!"
"Yeah," I sigh. "It's still kinda weird, you know? I mean, the way it
started, the way I started... But here it is in black and white.
Stephanie Abbott: legally female and as far as everyone's concerned,
always has been. Still seems surreal sometimes."
"I never doubted it," Kayla says softly. "Especially as 'Steve' is
still a thing of the past, right?"
"The distant past," I say with a confident grin as I kiss my
girlfriend and go back to my packing.
Before long, our suitcases are bulging with both clothes and gifts
for the soon to be married couple. Our flight leaves at 1pm tomorrow,
but we'll need to allow plenty of time to travel to the airport and
check in, so Kayla and I opt for a quick microwave dinner and an
early night. As usual, we sleep in separate beds, but this is mostly
due to the summer heat rather than anything else (when it's hot, I
only have a sheet on top of me, while Kayla prefers to have a
lightweight quilt).
My alarm wakes me up at 7:15am the following morning, and after a
quick shower, I apply a light layer of make-up and pull on a
comfortable, loose summer dress and a pair of floral flats- it's much
too warm today for boots! While I wait for Kayla to get ready, I make
myself a quick breakfast of toast and coffee and check Facebook for
any updates from the other side of the ocean.
The couple getting married tomorrow, Alexa and Jenny, are friends of
ours who we met last year through Nikki and Sarah- coincidentally, at
almost the same time Kayla and I got together. Like myself and Kayla,
and Nikki and Sarah for that matter, they're a same-gender couple
where one of the girls is transgendered, and also like us, they've
had it particularly tough (both girls have had family members reject
them). However, love has won out, as it always should, and 48 hours
from now, they'll be wife and wife.
Kayla and I had been invited to the wedding and always intended to go
after the end of the publicity tour, but a few days ago we received a
call saying that their singers had backed out of the wedding- and
naturally, Kayla and I were only too happy to put on an impromptu
performance! Flying out later than everyone attending the wedding
means that we get to preserve the surprise of us being the
replacement singers, but it also means that we won't get to go on the
hen night- though considering how messy things tend to get when
Alexa, Jenny, Nikki and Sarah get together, this may be a blessing in
disguise. Even if that also means we won't be there for their own
inevitable karaoke 'performance'!
"Any news?" Kayla asks as she emerges from her room, having also
eschewed her trademark look in favour of a lighter summer dress.
"It's, like, the middle of the night over there," I reply, giggling
as Kayla sighs tiredly.
"And this is Nikki and Sarah and co we're talking about," my
girlfriend reminds me.
"Good point," I say. "Nope- think they're all in bed. Think it'll be
Jacinta meeting us at the airport."
"Ah, it's kinda exciting, you know?" Kayla says. "Our first gig in
America, it could lead to big things..."
"BigGER things?" I ask my girlfriend. "We're not exactly 'small time'
right now, are we?"
"You know what I mean," Kayla chuckles. "When you join a group you
hope that they're going to be Little Mix and not, I dunno, some group
that has one big song then fades away into nothing."
"Yeah, that's true," I say.
"And you can't be truly big if you don't breakthrough in America,
right?" Kayla asks with a smug smirk.
"Not sure whether or not that counts as treason," I retort.
"Especially this close to the fourth of July!"
"Meh," Kayla shrugs. "I just want to be rich and famous. Is that such
a bad thing?"
"...I'm kinda the wrong person to be asking there!" I giggle as I
slip on a pair of extremely expensive sunglasses, grab the handle of
my designer suitcase and lead my girlfriend down to the waiting taxi.
Kayla's comments, however, bring to mind the Q&A session from
yesterday, particularly the question about potential solo careers.
Kayla's talented enough and hardworking enough that she'll never have
to do any job other than singing, but what defines her most is her
ambition. Most people were surprised when we took the Harry Potter
sorting quiz (for Jessica and Paige's hen night in August) and she
picked Slytherin, but I wasn't. You look at Kayla and assume she's a
sweet young girl, but when she wants something, you can be damn sure
she'll move heaven and Earth get it. She did so to get into Out of
Heaven, and if she ever feels that a solo career is a better option,
she'll take that instead. Sometimes I wonder if she regretted not
following Lauren over to Constellation when she had the chance,
though given how much that group's been floundering, we've both had a
lucky escape there.
What I worry about most about Kayla going solo, though, is what it'd
do to our relationship...
As we arrive at the airport, I tell myself that I needn't worry so
much, especially not in the short term- Kayla isn't going anywhere
anytime soon. Well, other than to America, and as we're going
together, it definitely doesn't count as going 'solo'. Before too
long, the two of us are settled into our plush first-class seats, and
the aeroplane is taxiing down the runway, ready to transport us
across the ocean.
"Now THIS is the way to travel!" Kayla giggles as she stretches her
tiny frame in her vast chair. "Though I probably wouldn't be too
cramped in economy class either, hehe!"
"It's good job, too, as it's almost ten hours until we get to
Minneapolis," I say as I relax back into my chair. "What movies have
they got? Really kinda want to see Deadpool 2."
"For how much we paid I'm surprised they don't get Ryan Reynolds
himself to act it out for us," Kayla chuckles as she grabs her remote
and starts flicking through the entertainment channels. "I'm more
interested in what they have in the music category... Yep! Take a
look, Steph!" I lean over to stare at the screen in front of Kayla,
on which is displayed a list of music albums. Needless to say, the
album currently highlighted on Kayla's screen looks more than a
little familiar!
"'Big' enough yet?" I tease, making my girlfriend smirk. "Are you
going to listen to it?"
"Might listen to 'Time Enough'," Kayla replies, making me fidget-
that was her solo track from the album, after all.
"Kayla..." I mumble.
"Steph...?" Kayla replies. "Umm, yes? If you're breaking up with me,
you've chosen the worst possible time and place, heh!"
"Oh- no, it's not that, not at all," I say, gently squeezing the
blonde girl's hand. "It's just- well, umm, a break-up of a different
kind, like, you talking about 'making it big', and that question the
other day about solo careers..."
"...I'd be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it," Kayla
confesses. "But there's nowhere I'd rather be right now than in the
band. Honestly. Maybe in the future, when Out of Heaven have run
their course... I'd still want to be represented by Joshua even if I
did go solo, though."
"Yeah, me too," I say with a smile that my girlfriend shares.
"I have a question too," Kayla says softly. "It's- umm..."
"Go on," I whisper.
"When..." Kayla says hesitantly. "When you're putting on a pair of
tights, do you go left leg first, or right leg first?"
"...What?" I reply. I ask a serious question about our careers, and
THAT's your response?
"It's just-" Kayla explains. "When we were getting into our costumes
for the 'Night Love' video a couple of weeks ago, I was about to put
my tights on, and I just suddenly forgot which foot I usually put in
first, you know?"
"That- that's genuinely a question I've never been asked before," I
say. "...And now I can't stop thinking about it, thanks."
"You're welcome," Kayla says with a giggle as I rack my brains,
trying to figure out the answer. "'Cause I figured it's probably a
left hand or right hand thing, and I'm right handed and you're left
handed so I wondered if we'd, you know, do it differently?"
"It- ugh," I sigh as I sit up in my chair and, much to my
girlfriend's amusement, mime pulling on a pair of tights. "...Left
foot first, 'cause I'm left handed. You?"
"Right foot first," Kayla replies with a smug smile. "...Is it the
same when you're pulling on a pair of panties?"
"Huh, no Deadpool 2 but they do have Black Panther," I say, turning
my attention to my screen and playing the movie as Kayla giggles at
my exasperation. I know the reason behind her ridiculous question, of
course- to try to distract me from her half-hearted response to my
previous serious question. I've got to believe that Kayla has
seriously thought about her future career, but she's not giving away
any clues about what she's thinking. Much like how she feels about
the future of our relationship...
Eventually, after two large meals, two movies and several more
nonsense conversations (including a very heated one about which
sleeve we put on first when pulling on a leotard) our flight comes in
to land at Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport. Both Kayla and I let out
long yawns as we deplane and head to the baggage carousel- it is
almost 11pm London time, after all- but we soon park up when head
into the airport's vast concourse and are greeted by a couple of
familiar faces.
"Hey you two!" Jacinta giggles as she greets us with a tight hug
each.
"Hi!" I say tiredly. "God, that was a long flight!"
"Ugh, tell me about it!" Jacinta sighs overdramatically. "It's like,
what, 11pm in London right now? I'm sure you two must be exhausted!"
"Totally," I say with a tired chuckle. "Are any of you going for
dinner anywhere?"
"It's the big pre-wedding dinner at the venue today," Jacinta
replies. "I know we're meant to be keeping you as a surprise for the
wedding itself, but we can always sneak you in or save you some food
if you want?"
"...Best not, we've already eaten two full meals on the plane, heh!"
Kayla protests. "Take a look at me, barely had any room for them!"
"That's fair enough," Jacinta shrugs. "You're probably better off
getting settled in at the hotel, trying to adjust to the time zone."
"Though you are going to LOVE Jenny's family's place," Katie-
Jacinta's classmate and a close friend of Kayla and me- says. "They
are PROPERLY loaded. Make's Charlotte's place look like our flat,
heh!"
"Their flat, not your flat," Jacinta clarifies. "Which makes our flat
look like a matchbox!"
"Though if I ever get rich enough to afford 5 grand a month in
rent..." Katie says.
"5 grand between us," Kayla says. "Though if our third album takes
off over here..." We'd hopefully still be living together, I think to
myself with a frown.
"...What's up, Steph?" Katie asks. "Just tired?"
"Hmm?" I ask. "Umm, yeah, a bit, heh!"
"Well, we won't keep you," Jacinta says. "We're due back at chez
Thompson, like, five seconds ago! We were having a look around the
cities today, taking in some of the sights. We can drop you at your
hotel en route. How long will you two be staying in America?"
"Until the 5th," Kayla replies. "We are on holiday, after all. And I
really want to stay for the 4th, take in a few firework displays,
that sort of thing."
"We're going to be heading to Vegas after the wedding, then to San
Francisco," I explain. "Take in some of the sights."
"Sounds cool," Katie chuckles. "We're heading back on Monday, some of
us actually have to work, you know?"
"Hey, we've just spent ten days on a publicity tour," Kayla protests.
"Trust me, that was work!"
"We know, we know," Jacinta giggles. "Come on, our lift's parked
outside." Kayla and I smile as we follow our friends out to the
airport's vast parking lot, where we're greeted by two more of our
friends from London- one of whom is a lot closer to home in
Minneapolis than she would be in London!
"Hey you two!" Jessica squeaks as she and her raven-haired fianc?e
greet Kayla and I with a gentle hug each. "So glad you could make
it!"
"Wouldn't have missed it for anything!" Kayla giggles. "And I'm glad
you could make it too, Paige!"
"Aye!" The Scottish girl giggles, before wincing in pain as I hug her
a little tighter than she was expecting. "Whoa, easy, easy!"
"Oh- sorry!" I gasp, jumping back in shock.
"It's okay, my fault, really," Paige sighs as she takes a deep
breath. "Still getting used to, you know, the new 'arrangement', what
I currently can and can't do..."
"And she does think the 'can' pile is a lot larger than the 'can't'
pile," Jessica says with a playful sigh as she gets into the driver's
seat of the car, while her fianc?e gets into the passenger seat and
Kayla, Jacinta and I cram onto the back seat. "Actually wanted to go
to ballet last Sunday."
"I just wanted to wear the leotard, see what it felt like," Paige
mumbled, before sharing a giggle with her fianc?e. "Ahh... Really
though, I just love it when Jess pays attention to me, hehe!"
"You don't need major surgery for THAT!" Jessica giggles as she
shares a gentle kiss with the Scottish girl.
"Eyes on the road!" Jacinta complains, making me and Kayla giggle.
"And thanks for reminding me I'm going to be 'going it alone' when I
go in for 'the snip' next month..."
"Oh, get tae- alone!?" Paige protested. "With your best friend living
with you? And all your other friends going round to help you out when
they're available, which, I might add, includes me?"
"The fellowship looks after its own," Jessica says confidently.
"Right, Steph?"
"Hmm?" I say. "Sorry, I was miles away..."
"Her time zone is, anyway," Jacinta whispers, pointing to the centre
of the back seat where my girlfriend's head has dropped onto her
chest.
"Probably for the best," Jessica chuckles. "SRS is kinda a sensitive
topic, even when you're, well 'born with it', heh!"
"I'm not asleep," Kayla protests. "Just resting my eyes. And I'm not
offended or squeamish about that sort of thing, honestly."
"That's for the best," Jessica says. "You're the one who'll have to
help Steph through recovery, after all." I feel my cheeks start to
flush as I fidget in my chair.
While I have fully committed to life as a woman, the thought of
making this 'ultimate change' still makes me uncomfortable, even
despite the support I know I would get from the many friends I have
who have gone through the same thing. Even if it didn't involve
months of recovery, even if I could 'wave a magic wand' to become an
anatomical woman, I'm still not 100% sure that I would. Naturally,
this is something I've discussed with Dr Phillips on many occasions,
and while she assures me that these feelings are all common among
many transgendered people, I still can't help but worry that it's
still a remnant of 'Steve' that hasn't been eliminated- or whether my
real concern is how Kayla would react to me...
"Yeah..." I grimace. "Can we change the topic, please? Kinda makes me
cross my legs myself, heh..."
"You not looking forward to the 'big one'?" Jessica asks. "You've
been transitioning as long as me, right?"
"Umm, about nine months less," I reply. "And it's kinda- well,
actually, could any question be more personal?"
"Only what you plan on doing with it once you've got it," Paige
replies, giggling as Jessica gives her arm a playful shove. However,
a quick glance at Kayla shows that she is indeed as uncomfortable as
I am about this topic.
"So, Jess," I say, "glad to be back driving on the quote-unquote
proper side of the road?"
"It's still kinda unusual!" Jessica chuckles. "I hardly ever drive in
London, it's such a pain in the- well, you know- to get around, but
it's still weird to have the gear lever on my right. And for it to
only go up and down, heh. Think I'm the first person in my family
who's ever grown used to driving stick."
"'Driving stick'?" Paige asked. "I thought we WEREN'T talking about
SRS?"
"Oh- shut up!" Jessica bashfully giggles as we head through downtown
Minneapolis toward our hotel.
A short while later, after having bid farewell to our friends, Kayla
and I head up to our hotel room, followed by an attractive young
hotel porter who was only too eager to help two sexy young women with
their bags! After giving the porter a $40 tip, Kayla and I set about
unpacking, but despite my best efforts, my mind keeps returning to
the conversation we had on the ride from the airport.
"Kayla..." I say hesitantly.
"Steph...?" Kayla asks, frowning as she senses my tenseness. "They,
umm, they delivered the dresses we're going to wear tomorrow, at
least I think Nikki had them delivered?"
"Yeah, they look gorgeous," I muse as I unzip the garment bag and
look of the long, slender dress within. "But, umm, what we- what we
were talking about, you know, in the car..."
"Oh, umm- oh!" Kayla says. "You- you mean, umm, SRS, right?"
"Right..." I mumble.
"I never- never realised it made YOU uncomfortable," Kayla says
quietly. "I mean, I know you've had, well, 'problems', but... I- I
kinda figured, you know, when you started on HRT, that that was that,
you were 'on the road', you know?"
"It's not like flipping a switch, being transgendered," I say. "It's
more- heh, it's more like a dimmer switch. I mean, yes, I've thought
about it, and I do have the option, but, you know? It's a big step.
And, umm, it wouldn't affect just- you know, just me..."
"...You're worried about how I'd react?" Kayla whispers, pausing her
unpacking.
"Yeah," I whisper. "No point beating about the bush, heh."
"Steph, what you do with your body is your choice," Kayla says. "You
know I'll support you, whatever you choose."
"Oh, I don't have any doubts that you'll SUPPORT me," I say with a
heavy sigh. "It's whether or not you'd still, you know, want to be
with me."
"Ugh, Steph..." Kayla sighs. "You know that I don't see you as a
'girl with a cock', I just see you as a girl. End of."
"That you occasionally have sex with?" I reply, grimacing as my
girlfriend frowns. "You know SRS will make that VERY different."
"It's already 'very different'," Kayla says quietly. "And I'm not
with you for the sex, Steph! How many times? I'm going out with you
because you're the best friend I've ever had, and most importantly of
all, I want to be with you, okay?"
"...Okay," I whisper, before smirking as Kayla nuzzles up next to me
and slowly sneaks a hand up my dress
"That's not to say that I don't like the sex, though," Kayla purrs,
making me giggle as she raises her hand further and gently pushes our
cases off the bed.
"Me too," I say with a relieved smile, before giving the petite
blonde girl a long, deep kiss...
We wake up the following morning still entwined in each other's arms,
smiling as the first rays of sunlight filter through the curtains.
"Morning babe," I whisper, making Kayla giggle as I give her a gentle
kiss underneath her ear. "We ought to get up soon, Jessica will be
here to pick us up in a bit."
"And because these sheets are soaked with sweat!" Kayla moans as she
unwraps herself from embrace and pads toward the shower. "Damn
heat... Thought this was meant to be one of the colder states? I
mean, it was always snowing on Fargo?"
"Well according to Danny, our resident geography expert, we're
actually further south than Milan," I say. "And you can't blame the
weather for ALL of the sweat!"
"Hehe!" Kayla squeaks over the sound of the shower. "Ahh... Can't
believe we're about to- technically- play our first gig in America!"
"I know!" I giggle. "Maybe not where we imagined our first 'gig',
heh, but it's still pretty good, right?"
"I know what you mean," Kayla sighs. "And I always imagined I'd be
driven to our first America gig in some giant Hummer limo, or a
classic Cadillac instead of Jessica's rented Buick."
"It's bad form to overshadow the brides," I tease my girlfriend.
"Wonder if I'd sing at my wedding..." Kayla absent-mindedly muses,
causing my body to tense up.
"...A duet, maybe?" I ask, eliciting a squeak from my girlfriend that
tells me that she's just become as tense as I am.
"Umm- uh..." Kayla hastily babbles.
"Let's- let's not worry about any wedding other than Alexa and
Jenny's for now, okay?" I suggest, forcing a smile on my face as
Kayla emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her chest
and a frazzled look on her face. "Do- do you want to practise the
song we're going to sing today? I mean, the shower's the perfect
place for it, right?"
"We both know it backwards and forwards," Kayla replies dismissively.
"Let's just get ready to go, okay?"
"O-kay," I say, before letting out a long sigh as I step into the
shower and let the warm water cascade over my hairless body.
Once my body and my hair is dry, I apply a full face of make-up, pull
on a clean, very light cotton bra and thong and head out into the
main area of our hotel room, where Kayla is already dressed in a
loose top and ruffled skirt- and is sporting a smile on her face
that's a definite hint that she wants to forget about the
conversation we just had, and she expects me to forget about it as
well. This is typical of Kayla- ignoring a problem in the hope that
it'll go away. Though god knows I've been guilty of the same thing in
the past...
"Ready to go?" Kayla asks with a grin. "I figured we'd change into
our dresses at the venue, save getting them creased in the car."
"Makes sense," I say with a smile as I pull on a loose sundress,
before grabbing my dress and following Kayla down to where our lift
is waiting for us.
"Hey girls!" Jessica says with a grin as she helps us to carefully
load our dresses into the car. "Long time no see, heh!"
"Yep!" I giggle. "Hey Paige!"
"Hey you two!" The Scottish woman replies. "Ready for today?"
"Yep!" Kayla squeaks. "It's kinda exciting!"
"God, I think it should be!" Paige giggles. "Two gorgeous women
getting married against a beautiful backdrop?"
"Of course," Jessica says with a smug grin, "it's not Loch Lomond,
but it'll do, hehe!"
"Aye," Paige says dreamily, giving her fianc?e a gentle kiss as she
gets back into the car and drives us toward the wedding venue.
"God, there have been so many weddings lately, you know?" Jessica
sighs. "Jamie and Stuart, Nikki and Sarah, Nat and Zoe and now Alexa
and Jenny... I'd like to think that our wedding's going to be, like,
the 'ultimate' one, but then you've got Krystie and Mikey a few weeks
later, and both your bandmates are engaged too..."
"And both my brothers too," I say. "And Lauren and her boyfriend, and
Alexa's friend Katie and her brother..."
"Do we know any couples who AREN'T engaged?" Paige asks, filling the
car with an awkward silence.
"...Cough," Kayla says with a gentle sigh.
"Oh- shit, sorry..." Paige mumbles. "Eh, but you've only been going
out, what, eight months?"
"And living together for two years," I say. "Heh, we don't have the
most 'normal' relationship in the world, even when you take into
account the 'obvious' thing."
"No relationship is 'normal'," Jessica says. "'Normal' is boring. Who
wants to be 'normal', anyway?"
"Not me!" Paige replies smugly. "You don't need 'normal' when you've
got 'love'. You don't need anything else when you've got 'love'."
"Hey, that's a good one for you two!" Jessica chuckles, making me and
Kayla flinch on the back seat as we cast furtive glances at each
other. "Umm... I mean, like, the Beatles song? All You Need Is Love?"
"Oh- yeah..." Kayla chuckles. "Don't think we've ever covered that,
though? Even in practice sessions?"
"We've done plenty of other Beatles songs," I say. "'Something' is a
particular favourite of Stuart's."
"He always, umm, thought George was the best Beatle..." Kayla
mumbles, casting another glance at me as another awkward silence
fills the car. I'm not shy about telling Kayla how much I love her,
and even despite her need for secrecy, I know Kayla feels the same
way about me. If all we needed was love, life would be a much simpler
affair- but nothing's ever that simple, even when our feelings for
each other couldn't be any stronger.
Mercifully, the car soon reaches its destination, and our anxieties
are quickly replaced by amusement as an attractive young man
approaches the car and takes the keys from Jessica before driving it
away.
"...A private home with its own valet?" Kayla chuckles. "I'm guessing
hired only for the wedding?"
"I'm hoping that's the case!" Jessica chuckles. "But that's just a
hint of how rich Jenny's family really is. You know they offered to
pay the two of you for this 'gig', right?"
"Joshua did say," Kayla replies.
"We both agreed we couldn't take any money for it, that it'd
effectively be our 'gift' to them," I say.
"What else do you get the girl who has everything?" Paige chuckles.
"Other than, of course, her soul mate?"
"D'aww," Jessica coos, straightening her smart dress before leading
us (and our dresses) in the side entrance to the house. We quickly
run into Nikki- who's looking girly and gorgeous in her purple
bridesmaid's dress- who escorts us to an upstairs room, where we
waste no time in stripping off our casual clothes and zipping each
other into our long, flowing gowns.
"I take it back," Kayla giggles as she adjusts her low d?colletage.
"The ride may not have been great but this is a hell of a lot nicer
than most dressing rooms we've been in!"
"It is pretty fancy!" I giggle, before taking a deep breath and
adopting a serious expression on my face. "Kayla, we- ugh. "
"Steph... Yes?" Kayla asks, feigning obliviousness.
"We- umm, have you noticed how things have felt REALLY awkward since
we got to America?" I ask. "Like, a lot of the time, when we're
talking with friends, and they're talking about, like, love, and
weddings..."
"...Maybe a bit," Kayla mumbles.
"I think," I say, taking another deep breath, "we are going to need
to have a SERIOUS talk sometime soon."
"Really?" Kayla asks. "You bring this up NOW?"
"I'm tired of tiptoeing around everyone," I say. "And yes, we don't
need to have this talk NOW, but, you know, soon?"
"...Or we could enjoy a hard-earned holiday?" Kayla asks, before
letting out a long, frustrated sigh. "...Okay, maybe we DO need to
talk. And we will, Steph, honestly. Yes, I've felt as awkward as you
at times, and yes, I'm tired of tiptoeing around people too, but it's
not quite that simple, you know? We're famous. We have a public
profile to think of. What we do doesn't just affect us, you know?"
"Yeah, I get that," I say. "But..."
"...But?" Kayla asks.
"But- but I love you, Kayla," I say, blinking back tears.
"...I love you too," Kayla says in a hoarse whisper. "And it should
be all we need, but- ugh. Can- can we just get on with our
performance, please? And try to have a good time today? We WILL talk,
Steph. I promise. Maybe when we get to Vegas?"
"Okay," I say, taking a deep breath before leading my girlfriend
round to the rear of the venue, where Stuart is waiting to help us
set up our microphones.
The ceremony is a truly beautiful event, and both Alexa and Jenny
look stunning in their dresses. I will confess to shedding a few
tears as they exchange their heartfelt vows, before slipping their
new rings onto each other's fingers. Even though I've only met the
pair a few times, I feel like I've known them my whole life- and in a
way, I have known Alexa my whole life, as when I look at her, it's
very easy to see myself. We're both 22, brown-haired, shorter than
average, have two older brothers (two of whom even have the same
name!) and, most importantly, we were both born into the wrong
gender, something we are both taking steps to correct.
The two main differences between us, though, are that she's a recent
graduate who'll be working in an office, while I'm a famous singer
(possibly even world famous, going by the looks on some of the
younger wedding-goers' faces during our song). That's not as big a
difference, though, as the fact that in addition to being the girl of
her dreams, Alexa is also now married to the girl of her dreams,
while my stresses about both SRS and my future with Kayla mean I'm
still in limbo on both counts.
However, the amazing atmosphere at the ceremony helps to lift both
mine and Kayla's spirits, and by the time the wedding party retreats
to the reception area, I actually feel relaxed- and much to my
surprise, so does Kayla. Far from basking in the limelight at our
'first gig in America', Kayla's only too happy to sit in the shadows
and watch as the happy couple share their first dance.
"So beautiful," Kayla sighs happily as she leans back in her chair.
"They are," I say, briefly locking eyes with my girlfriend, before
sharing a mutual giggle. "...Okay, no 'serious' talk, not here, I
promise. Only fun."
"Good!" Kayla giggles, leaning in to give me a kiss, before pausing.
"Umm... Not everyone here knows about us, do they?"
"...Not everyone," I mumble, my light mood suddenly darkening. "They
could, if we wanted?"
"Umm..." Kayla says, her facial expression a cross between
'apologetic' and 'grimacing'.
"It's okay," I whisper. "If- no, WHEN we come out, it should be in
London."
"Yeah," Kayla says, though it's clear that she's still leaning more
toward 'if' than 'when'. Before things can get any more awkward,
though, we're interrupted by a tall figure wearing a long purple
dress, a wide grin and clutching a glass of champagne in her hand.
"Hey girlies!" Nikki giggles as she sits down next to us. "LOVED the
song. And I know Alexa and Jenny did too, hehe! Did it take you long
to practise it?"
"Umm, we ARE professional singers," Kayla reminds our friend. "We do
kinda do this every day, heh!"
"Oh- sorry!" Nikki squeaks between incoherent giggles.
"...Are you drunk ALREADY?" I chastise the purple-clad woman, who
replies by giggling and fanning herself with her free hand.
"Just a little light-headed," Nikki says, taking a couple of deep
breaths. "The alcohol, this HEAT... And the most gorgeous couple to
have got married in the last twelve months, hehe! You'd never be able
to, you know, 'tell' with Alexa, would you?"
"The same could easily be said of both of you too," Kayla says,
smiling as this earns a group hug from both me and Nikki! "And no,
you couldn't. And yes, this wedding is just as gorgeous as yours was
last year."
"Mine AND Sarah's," Nikki reminds us. "You can't have a wedding with
just one person, after all!"
"...Very true," I say. "Ooh, looks like the bride and bride are on
their way... I'll leave you two to it as I reckon you might be asked
for a couple of photos, hehe! See that girl following them?"
"The one who was the attendant at the wedding?" I ask.
"That's Alexa's cousin Ashley," Nikki informs us, and a wave of
realisation immediately descends over myself and Kayla. On the
occasions when we've chatted with Alexa, she's mentioned how the
teenager is probably our biggest fan in the USA, and how she's
introduced our music to her friends as well. Naturally, this has made
Kayla VERY excited, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't make me more
than a little giddy too!
Before I have the chance to gather my thoughts, though, Kayla and I
involuntarily let out an excited squeak as the two brides lock eyes
with us and rush toward us, each extending their arms for hugs that
we eagerly give!
"I thought you weren't coming?" Alexa squeaks, practically bouncing
up and down with excitement- which is understandable, considering
what just happened today!
"We had planned on coming all along," I reply with a smug grin.
"Like, as a surprise. But when Nikki called the other day, it was set
in stone, hehe!" I grin as the four of us glance over to where the
young woman is sat with her wife and an older woman I recognise as
Jenny's grandmother- the same woman who arranged our 'gig'. I have to
suppress a giggle as Jenny lets out a sigh and mutters something
under her breath that makes her new wife smirk.
"Where are you two going on honeymoon?" Kayla asks.
"We're still working that out," Jenny says. "Obviously we're going to
Scotland in August for the next wedding of the century, hehe! We
might travel through Europe afterward for a bit, Lex has always
wanted to visit Paris."
"Paris, or an amusement park outside Paris run by a mouse?" I tease
the blushing brunette bride.
"Why can't it be both?" Alexa asks with a coy smile. "And there'll be
plenty of people at the next wedding who could be Paris tour guides
too, hehe!"
"And it is supposed to be the most romantic city in the world," I say
with a dreamy sigh. "Never been myself but always wanted to."
"Aw, you two should totally go!" Jenny urges us, making me and Kayla
smile nervously at each other- there's nothing I'd rather do that go
to Paris with Kayla, but as she's reminded me so often, all it takes
is one stray photograph of the two of us kissing and our secret will
be revealed to the entire world.
Fortunately, before either of us can think of a response, we're
interrupted by a loud sigh from Alexa, who had been growing more and
more agitated by the third member of their 'party' almost literally
bouncing up and down beside her. Kayla and I both let out quiet
giggles as Jenny grabs the excited teenager and drags her in front of
her and her new wife.
"Steph, Kayla," Jenny says with a smug grin, "there is someone dying
to meet the two of you. This is Alexa's cousin Ashley." Kayla and I
both smile as Ashley extends a nervous, trembling hand- this is far
from the first time we've encountered a nervous, emotional fan. Many
of the young girls we've met in the past have been emotional wrecks
to the extent that they burst into tears merely being in the same
room as us, but this one feels even more special somehow. Ashley is
our biggest fan on a different continent, and that sort of dedication
deserves a reward.
"So glad to finally meet you Ashley." Kayla says with a wide grin as
she shakes the girl's hand. "We keep hearing about you from your
cousin all the time, how you may big our biggest fan in the States!"
"Are you keeping these two in line?" I ask, grinning at Ashley's
excitement as she extends her hand toward me- but I have something a
bit more special in mind than a simple handshake. With a barely-
suppressed giggle, I lean forward and give the teenager a gentle hug,
which almost causes her to leap through the roof!
"Oh my god! Stephanie Abbott just hugged me!" Ashley squeaks in a
voice only slightly lower in pitch then a dog whistle. I grin as I
wink at the hyperventilating girl's cousin, who mouths a silent
'thank you' in response. "Can- can I get a picture with you two?" I
pretend to mull Ashley's request over as I gaze down at Kayla, whose
facial expression right now is just as smug as mine- and gives away
the fact that she's obviously thinking what I'm thinking.
"Tell you what," Kayla teases. "We'll take a picture with you if you
will take a picture of us with the brides!" The grin on Ashley's face
as I hand her my phone is enough to tell me that our terms are
acceptable to her! After both photos have been taken, an idea pops
into my head, and a quick glance over my shoulder reveals the ideal
person to execute my plan.
"Hey, Stuart!" I say with a grin, which widens when he turns around
and sighs loudly. "Can you come here for a second?"
"Haven't I been running around enough after you two today?" Our
producer protests as he approaches our group. "I AM meant to be on
holiday with my family..."
"Oh, be quiet," I say in my best dismissive, 'celebrity' voice. "We
want you to take a picture of all five us."
"Eh, okay," Stuart says with a shrug, taking the photo before handing
my phone back to me and returning to his wife and daughter.
"This is just SO cool!" Ashley gushes as we show her the photos
(which we obviously forward to her as well).
"We'll leave you three to get acquainted," Alexa says with a wink as
she and her new bride sashay off to mingle with the rest of the
crowd.
And get acquainted we did. Ashley had seemingly a thousand questions
for us (many of which were various different ways of asking 'when
will you be playing a concert in the US?'), but we had more than a
few for her- particularly Kayla, who was eager to learn just how
popular Out of Heaven are in this part of the world. The answer, as
it turns out, is 'quite popular in Ashley's high school and some of
the surrounding schools but not much anywhere else'. This is enough
to get both of us excited, though- a journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step, after all. And given how excited Ashley is
to see us, we have every reason to be optimistic about our 'journey'.
We spend the rest of the reception chatting with friends old and new,
occasionally dancing (albeit not with each other) and enjoying some
of the delicious food that's on offer. Later on in the evening,
though, the time comes for one of the most ubiquitous parts of any
wedding- the bouquet toss! I share a smirk with Kayla as we watch
Alexa toss her bouquet almost straight into the waiting hands of her
best friend and bridesmaid, who immediately waves it in her fianc?
(who is also Alexa's brother)'s face! Before Jenny tosses her
bouquet, I lean forward slightly, causing my girlfriend to giggle and
also lean forward, almost stumbling in her heels as she stretches her
tiny frame toward the front of the group. When Jenny throws her
bouquet, everyone in the 'huddle' reaches for it, leading to a moment
of confusion, which ends when the dust clears... And the bouquet is
securely gripped in my girlfriend's hands.
"Oh..." Kayla says, her emerald eyes bulging at the sight of the
bouquet as photos are snapped of her with the flowers in her hand.
Naturally, this dampens the mood slightly for the rest of the
evening, and the taxi ride back to the hotel is conducted in almost
total silence. When we arrive back in our hotel room, both of us let
out long sighs as we slip out high-heeled shoes off our feet and
remove our earrings, but when our eyes meet, the room is filled with
a tense silence. 'Hello darkness my old friend...' I think to myself,
and not fir the first time during this trip.
"So, umm, that was a beautiful wedding," Kayla mumbles as she
tentatively unzips her dress.
"Yeah," I say quietly. "Jenny and Alexa looked amazing, Sarah and co
did a great job with the dresses."
"Yep," Kayla says, leading to another awkward silence that's only
broken when I let out a loud sigh.
"Kayla," I say in a tired voice.
"Now isn't the time for that talk," Kayla insists. "We're both tired,
I'm still jet-lagged... Yes, we do need to have the talk, but later.
After we sleep on it first."
"Okay," I say, though even I can tell how unconvinced I sound.
"Steph..." Kayla sighs. "I DO love you, you know? I don't want to be
with anyone else. Only you."
"I know," I sigh. "I- I love you too. I just- I just want to know,
you know, where we're going."
"How about focussing on where we are?" Kayla purrs, wrapping her arms
around me and freeing me from my dress.
"But- but the bouquet..." I mumble as I feel my heart rate
increasing.
"Is just a silly superstition," Kayla says, giving me a gentle kiss
and leading me to bed. "Now come on. We're supposed to be on holiday,
aren't we?" I smile as we both flop into the bed, our warm bodies
quickly intertwining...
I wake up the following morning and find myself alone in bed, but the
sound of running water from our bathroom tells me my girlfriend
hasn't gone far. I smirk as I remember how last night ended, though
the smirk fades as I remember the tense moments that preceded the
'ending'. I don't disagree with Kayla when she says that last night
wasn't the ideal time for our talk, but the longer we leave it, the
more stressed I get- and the more convinced I am that Kayla isn't
really dedicated to this relationship...
"Is that you moving?" Kayla yells from the bathroom.
"Umm, yeah," I reply, before my smirk quickly returns. "...You want a
hand in there?"
"Didn't we both get enough 'hand' last night?" Kayla replies with a
giggle. "I'm okay. Though if you could make a start on packing it'd
be handy."
"Sure," I say, grabbing our bag of used underwear and tossing it into
one of our suitcases. "When's our flight again? 6-ish?"
"Think so," Kayla says. "Plenty of time to look around the city,
maybe drop in on Jenny and Alexa, see how they're doing. Probably
make more sense to see them first, then we can be back in plenty of
time for the fight?"
"Erm... Probably not a good idea to drop in on them this early!" I
giggle as I look at our clock, which reads '6:15am'. "6 PM might be
stretching it a bit, heh!"
"Hehe!" Kayla giggles as she emerges from the bathroom, her tiny body
wrapped in a big, fluffy towel. "Guess I'd better get used to jet lag
if we're going to be flying all over the world in the next few
years!"
"Yep!" I chuckle as I jump under the shower. "Are we meeting anyone
for breakfast? Like, is anyone else staying in this hotel?"
"Yeah, a few people are," Kayla replies. "Jamie and Stuart, Jess and
Paige, though I think everyone's flying home themselves later today."
"Cool," I say. "Can you text Jess and Paige, see if they want to meet
up?"
"Sure," Kayla says. "Though maybe I'll do that AFTER 8 o'clock,
hehe!"
"Yeah," I chuckle. "Kinda leaves us a lot of time to kill, though..."
Time which probably WON'T be spent having the talk that we so
desperately need to have, I think to myself.
"Yeah..." Kayla says quietly, obviously having had the same thought
as me.
"So, umm..." I say. "Do- do you want- do you want to talk now?"
"I-" Kayla says, before letting out a loud sigh.
"We have the time," I say, emerging from the shower with a towel
wrapped around my slender body and another one wrapped around my
hair. "We're both awake, we both said we need to have this talk,
right?"
"I-I'm just not feeling up to it now..." Kayla moans.
"Are you ever going to feel up to it?" I ask, before grimacing as
Kayla scowls at me. "I'm sorry, that wasn't fair... I- I'm not
feeling up to it either. But I don't want to have this hanging over
the whole holiday either. I- I just want to know where we are in this
relationship."
"You know where we are," Kayla says softly as she approaches me and
gives me a gentle kiss. "I LOVE you, Steph. I don't want to be with
anyone else."
"I know you do," I whisper. "And I love you too, I really do, I just-
I just feel sometimes like you're ashamed of loving me."
"How on Earth can you say that?" Kayla says, her voice suddenly
filled with anger.
"Because whenever we go out, we have to hide it," I reply, silencing
my girlfriend and making her bite her lip. "I want to go up to the
roof and scream out 'I love Kayla Ford and she loves me and I don't
give a shit who knows'. But I can't."
"I want that too," Kayla says. "But it's not that easy. I'm not
ashamed of loving you, Steph, god no! But- I guess I can why you
might think that. We're public property, Steph. We have been ever
since we joined the band, what we do affects more than just us. We've
got to think of the other members of the band, and our fans too..."
"Our fans would understand," I insist. "I bet if we told Ashley we
were a couple she'd just get even more excited. If that was
possible."
"But it's still a risk," Kayla sighs. "One I- I can't afford to
take."
"But you can afford all this stress?" I ask.
"That's just part of being a celebrity," Kayla shrugs. "Steph, this-
this whole lifestyle is something I've dreamed of all my life.
Literally dreamed of. When I was seven I'd dream that I was a member
of Girls Aloud, singing and dancing on stage, being interviewed,
going on all the TV shows... Heh, if I'd met Cheryl Cole or Nadine
Coyle when I was fifteen I'd have reacted exactly like Ashley did.
Only I'd probably have cried as well, heh."
"And if you'd learned that two members of that band were in a
relationship with each other?" I ask.
"...Okay, I'd probably have thought that was cool," Kayla sighs. "But
I had a lot of friends at school who wouldn't have. My last year at
school was when the first season of the Angels was on TV, and there
were a few of my friends who stopped watching ITV2 altogether."
"I'm guessing they haven't bought any of our albums, then?" I ask.
"Probably wouldn't have done anyway out of jealousy," Kayla says with
a snort of laughter. "I mean, I achieved my life's dream at the age
of seventeen. Not many people can claim that. And that's why I'm
determined not to let anything, ANYTHING, take it away from me."
"...Not even your love for me?" I ask, frowning as tears start to
form in Kayla's eyes.
"Please don't make me choose," Kayla whispers. "I'm happy with things
the way they are, Steph. More than happy. Why can't you be?"
"Because the last time I had to keep a massive secret from everyone,
it didn't end well for me," I reply, silencing my girlfriend once
again. "You can keep going on like this, Kayla, I- I can't."
"I don't want to break up with you," Kayla insists. "I've been
happier with you than with any of my ex-boyfriends, hell, all of them
put together, even. But if I had to choose between being with you or
being famous, I- I'm sorry, Steph, but I'd have to choose fame."
Needless to say, this revelation brings a couple of tears to my eyes.
"...At least you're being honest," I sigh. "And I'd be lying if I
said I'd choose you without a second thought. Being in the public
eye- well, it's a lot more enjoyable than it was three years ago."
"Because you can be true to yourself?" Kayla asks, smiling sadly as I
nod. "I think I get it. Well, as much as anyone like me can get it,
heh."
"Yeah," I say. "Ugh, kinda wish we hadn't had this talk now, heh."
"I did warn you," Kayla shrugs. "Though... I think the talk did help,
you know?"
"Not really," I sigh. "I'm still none the wiser as to where we're
going with our relationship."
"...Yeah, that's true," Kayla concedes with a heavy sigh. "I want
things to stay the same, you want them to change. But the important
thing is that we love each other, right?"
"Of course," I say softly.
"Tell you what," Kayla sighs. "When we get back, we'll talk it
through with Joshua. If anyone can 'manage' the situation, it's him,
right?"
"It is literally his job to do so," I reply, earning a loud giggle
from my girlfriend.
"If he reckons we can come out as a couple without damaging the
band... We'll do it," Kayla says. "Set the date for, say, my
birthday."
"That's still four months," I say, before smiling. "...But four
months is better than 'never'. Are- are you sure about this?"
"Positive," Kayla says. "Hey, I'm famous, right? Why can't I have my
cake and eat it too?"
"So is that why I am?" I ask. "Just a slice of cake?"
"Nah," Kayla giggles, giving me a playful kiss. "You're much sweeter,
hehe!"
"Hehe!" I giggle, truly relaxing for the first time during this trip.
"Ahh... This talk didn't last nearly as long as I thought it would,
you know?"
"Because everything we needed to say could be summed up in three
words," Kayla says with a relaxed smile of her own. "...It still
isn't 7am yet, heh. Won't be serving breakfast for ages... Reckon
Olivia will have woken Jamie and Stuart up yet? We could meet up with
them, maybe, tell them the news? I know you're always looking to
repair your relationship with Jamie?"
"She can find out when everyone else does," I say dismissively.
"Though I think the pool's open this early...?"
"Just a shame we have to wear cozzies, really!" Kayla giggles as she
grabs a tiny white bikini from her bag and changes into it, while I
do the same.
About 90 minutes later, after a swim, another shower to get rid of
the smell of chlorine (though this time, one we take together) and
changing into a light tank top and loose cotton skirt, I head down to
the breakfast area hand-in-hand with Kayla. Both of us smile when we
spot our dining companions, whose hands are also linked- though in a
much more overt way than ours.
"Hey you two!" Jessica says with a smile. "You two struggling to
adapt to US time as well?"
"A bit," I shrug. "What's for lunch?" I smirk as Jessica and Paige
both giggle, though the latter still looks worn out.
"You still struggling as well, Paige?" Kayla asks. "But, like, for
different reasons? I'd have thought given what you two do for a
living, jet lag isn't as big a problem?"
"We never go any further than Greece, not anymore," Paige explains.
"Though you're right to guess that it's the 'other issue' that's
knackering me, heh."
"Paige doesn't get jet-lagged going to America," Jessica says with a
giggle. "Heh, it's more of a homecoming for her than it is for me!"
"Aye," Paige says with a giggle, before a serious-looking expression
descends over her face. "Are- are you two okay? I mean, we were going
to get a taxi home together last night, but we noticed you slipping
away early."
"You two did seem a bit stressed after you caught the second
bouquet," Jessica says quietly. "Is- is everything-"
"Everything is fine," I say, sharing a warm smile with my lover. "We
talked it out this morning, got a few things out in the open where
they belong... We're in a better place now."
"Are- are you two, you know, fully public now?" Paige asks, her jaw
dropping.
"Not yet," Kayla replies. "But soon. Think we were both getting too
stressed out by this. Love shouldn't be stressful."
"Yeah, we can tell you a few stories there," Jessica sighs as she
tightens her grip on her fianc?e's hand. "But love conquers all. We
saw that yesterday, you'll see it again at the start of August, maybe
you'll even show all of us sometime soon?"
"...One step at a time," Kayla says as we exchange a slightly
stressed chuckle- though nowhere near as stressed as it would've been
this time yesterday.
"Well, you ARE going to Vegas tomorrow..." Paige teases, before
grimacing as three pairs of eyes glare at her. "I'll shut up and eat
my breakfast." Kayla and I giggle as Jessica gives her fianc?e a
gentle cuddle, before we're interrupted by the arrival of two more of
our friends- or rather, three of them, the youngest of whom is very
audibly kicking up a fuss!
"Ugh, sorry about this," Jamie sighs as she cradles her agitated
daughter in her arms. "It is going to take FOREVER to get her back
into her routine."
"Aye, you're fine," Paige says with a giggle.
"Anything we can do to help?" I offer, earning a smile from the
blonde woman.
"No, you're okay, just watch this!" Jamie replies with a smug grin as
she hands Olivia to her father, who kisses her on her forehead and
almost instantly calms her down.
"It's okay, it's okay," Stuart coos in a soothing voice that doesn't
just calm Olivia down, but even makes me feel less tense. "You're not
going to cry for daddy, are you Olivia?"
"Dada!" Olivia squeaks happily, melting the hearts of everyone at the
table- none more so than 'dada' himself!
"She is such a daddy's girl," Jamie sighs. "And he's so good with
babies too, heh!"
"Still don't know if that's a personality thing or a genetic thing,"
Stuart chuckles as he gently rocks Olivia in his arms.
"As the only other XX person at the table, trust me, it's a
personality thing," Kayla chuckles. "I mean, sure, I think babies are
cute- especially Olivia, of course- but I am just hopeless with them,
heh!"
"I won't force you to hold her then just to make sure," Jamie teases.
"Don't want to be one of 'those' mums, heh."
"And you'll have a hard time prying her out of daddy's arms too!"
Paige giggles.
"Too right," Stuart chuckles. "I know you two aren't even married
yet, but have you, you know, thought about adopting?"
"...One step at a time," Jessica chuckles. "I mean yes, I'm 26, and I
know loads of people my age from high school who are married, got
kids, but- it's kinda not easy for us. Especially for me and Paige, I
mean, I know some of the comments you two have received for adopting
Olivia."
"Ugh, don't remind me," Jamie spits. "We actually had people
anonymously calling social services on us."
"Still reckon my grandmother was one of those people," Stuart sighs.
"One of those occasions I'm glad for the public exposure as Jamie and
Olivia will always have millions of people sticking up for them. No
offence, you two, but you kinda wouldn't."
"Oh- trust me, we know," Jessica snorts.
"Seems like every flight we get some middle-aged ar- erm, so and so
leering at us and asking us what's underneath our skirts," Paige
sneers. "Even now that I can answer that with what he doesn't expect
to hear, it won't make it any easier."
"Thanks for not saying what you were about to say in front of
Olivia," Stuart chuckles. "We love her and are more than capable of
providing for her, so what if we're both transgendered? I guess it's
kinda like getting married in a way. So what if Alexa's trans and now
the same gender as Jenny? They love each other, and that's all that
matters."
"I think a couple of guys from Liverpool sad something similar about
fifty years ago," I chuckle. "And get any idea of a cover version out
of your head, Milton."
"Like I'd think that!" Stuart protests with mock-offence. "Got an
encyclopedia full of songs I'd want you to record before we do any
more covers, anyway."
"Maybe you can rehearse one of them for Ashley?" Jamie teases,
giggling as I roll my eyes. "I had a few words with Alexa after the
ceremony, I know you two have fans over here! And no offence, Jess,
but it is kinda surprising, you know?"
"...Some offence taken," Jessica replies with a grin. "We're not all
backwards hicks that exclusively mate with livestock. Just the red
states."
"And it's not like there aren't parts of the UK that aren't as bad,"
I sigh. "Though there it's more the top hat wearers that are the
problem. Well, and the Britain First morons, anyway. God knows I've
had a few choice comments from THEM."
"I remember Alexa and Jenny telling me about how they ran into
someone like that when they were in England last year," Jamie says.
"Funny how the serious god botherers are almost always hardcore
Tories."
"PLEASE don't talk politics," Paige moans. "With the painkillers I'm
taking I really can't afford to get pi- erm, wobbly at this time of
the morning!"
"Thanks again," Stuart chuckles as he hands Olivia to her mother to
help her with her breakfast. "Ah, I do worry about Olivia, though,
when she goes to school, the other kids learn about her- well, learn
about US..."
"Well, I'll make sure my niece always watches out for her," I say
with a smirk. "She's probably not going to have it any easier, having
the same name as me."
"Probably not," Jamie sighs, before frowning. "You okay, Kayla?
You've been kinda quiet."
"Hmm?" Kayla asks, clearly lost in thought. "Oh, umm, yeah, kinda...
Kinda don't have any stories to share here, heh."
"Count yourself lucky," Paige says with a sigh.
"Well..." Kayla says with a heavy sigh of her own. "No stories YET."
A silence falls over the table and I bite my lip as we all realise
that if Kayla and I go public with our relationship- as I've been
pressuring her to do- she would undoubtedly gain 'stories' before too
long. My stomach begins to grumble as it dawns on me that I've been
acting in a purely selfish way, and that Kayla might have more than
just money or fame-related reasons for wanting to 'hide'- the same
reasons that so many LGBT people around the world need to 'hide'.
Myself being one of them, at least in the past, anyway.
Before I went out as 'Stephanie' for the first time, the thought of
showing myself to the world filled my veins with ice. Knowing that
I'd be subjecting myself to potential ridicule, or even physical
harm, was enough to keep me deep in the closet for years. Just
because my decision to come out worked out well for me doesn't mean
that that would be the case for everyone- Kayla included.
"Umm..." Kayla mumbles, keenly aware that she was responsible for the
silence that had fallen over the table. "Are- are you guys flying
back today?"
"Early tomorrow morning," Stuart replies. "Someone might want to ruin
a couple of her credit cards at the Mall of America, heh!"
"Well we can't not get gifts for Charlotte and Keith," Jamie retorts.
"And their kids. And Krystie, Mary, Hannah and Viks. And their
partners. And their kids. And your sisters. And their-"
"Point taken," Stuart says with a chuckle. "How about you two?"
"Off to Vegas later this evening," I reply. "Gives us enough time to
stop in on Alexa and Jenny, see if they've recovered after yesterday,
heh!"
"I've texted Nikki to let me know when everyone's awake," Jamie says.
"Thought I'd do the same, heh."
"And we're flying out to my folks in Baltimore early tomorrow
morning," Jessica says. "Want to be there for the fourth, you know."
"Ah, of course," Jamie chuckles. "Well, someone wants to be back for
the third, to watch the football that's played with a round ball,
heh."
"BOY," Kayla and I tease our producer, who replies with a roll of his
eyes and a shake of his head. I open my mouth to speak, only for a
beep from Jamie's phone to interrupt me.
"...Nikki?" I ask as Jamie checks her phone.
"Yep," Jamie replies with a giggle. "She says 'stop texting me it's
9am'." All of us at the table share a giggle at our friend's
undoubtedly hungover state, before returning to our breakfast, though
I still can't help but worry about Kayla.
However, as we get ready to leave following another, less angry text
from Nikki, I realise that while we may face discrimination, it's not
like we don't have not just millions of fans, but dozens of close
friends who'll offer us all the support we need, many of whom have
been in the exact same situation as us. Four of whom, in fact, are
relaxing at the Thompson estate right now, and would undoubtedly be
both able and willing to give me and Kayla any help that we need.
Once again, I feel a twinge of awe (and a little twinge of envy) as
Jessica's car pulls up to Jenny's family's vast home, though that's
replaced by a familiar feeling of happiness and contentment when we
head around to the back of the house to find our friends from both
sides of the Atlantic relaxing in the heat. Naturally, both Nikki and
Sarah and Alexa and Jenny have cuddled up onto a sun lounger each
despite the heat, though when we approach they immediately jump up to
greet us with tights hugs.
"Hey you guys!" Jenny squeaks excitedly. "I didn't think we'd get to
see you again before the fourth!"
"We've got plenty of time before our flight," Kayla says. "Nowhere
we'd rather be, hehe! Unless, of course, we're interrupting the
honeymoon?"
"Uh- you can never have too many friends?" Alexa giggles as she gives
me her hug. "Don't worry though, Ashley's not here today, hehe!"
"Meh, I don't mind being adored by fans!" Kayla says with a wide
grin. "You guys just hanging out today, then?"
"Yep," Nikki replies. "Just another lazy Sunday. Albeit one in
thirty- sorry, NINETY-five degree heat!"
"Well... Not 'just another' lazy Sunday," Alexa giggles as she wraps
her arm around her wife's slender waist. "The first one as wife and
wife is kinda special, hehe!" Everyone present sighs happily as the
two newlyweds exchange a long, tender kiss.
"Can we leave our bags in the house?" Kayla asks. "We're probably
going to head straight to the airport from here."
"Sure," Jenny shrugs. "And if you want to change into your bikinis,
feel free to use the downstairs bathroom. And I do mean bikinis and
NOT a one-piece swimsuit!" the girls present giggle as Alexa
playfully pouts at her wife, obviously aware of an in-joke we're not
a party to.
Needless to say, we waste no time in taking Jenny up on her offer,
and a short while later, Kayla and I are stretched out in the sun in
our tiny bikinis, while Jessica and Paige have retreated to a shaded
area to relax (Paige still feeling uncomfortable in a bikini
following her operation). While I'm covering myself in sunscreen, one
of yesterday's brides takes the opportunity to drag her sun lounger
over to mine and flops down on it with an overexaggerated sigh.
"...Still hungover, then?" I ask, giggling as Alexa replies by
sticking her tongue out at me.
"We were good girls last night," Alexa replies. "A lot of Jenny's
family were there, a lot of business partners of the foundation, that
sort of thing."
"Ah- yeah, I kinda know about having to keep up a public profile,
heh!" I chuckle.
"Well..." Alexa says with a sly grin. "That and we didn't want to get
the dresses TOO creased, hehe!"
"That's a bit more like it," I say with a smug grin. "So... Where's
your other half got to, then?"
"Chatting with your other half," Alexa replied. "Kayla said she
wanted to talk to Jenny about something, they headed off to the
kitchen for a bit. Think Sarah went with them too."
"Ah- good," I say.
"You know what they're talking about?" Alexa asks.
"I think I do," I reply. "Me and Kayla, we- we're working toward
going public. And yes, I know, it's about time, but- well, I don't
need to tell you of all people that life isn't exactly easy for girls
like us."
"Yeah, I had kinda noticed," Alexa sighs. "...So Kayla's talking to
Jenny and Sarah about how to deal with, like, all the fallout if
she's seen going out with a trans girl?"
"Can't think of anyone more qualified than those two," I say with a
smile. "Except maybe Sarah's mum, heh. LITERALLY qualified."
"Yeah," Alexa chuckles. "Has Kayla spoken to her yet? I mean,
privately, like in a session?"
"Don't think so," I reply. "We've seen her together a few times,
especially now that Jamie and I don't need our group sessions
anymore."
"Talking to Debbie alone seemed to help Jenny a lot," Alexa says.
"Might be worth looking at that when you get back to London."
"Huh, that is a good idea," I muse. "Thanks, Alexa!"
"Not just a pretty face, huh?" Alexa giggles smugly as she stretches
out on her sun lounger. "And you said you were going straight to the
airport from here? What happened to exploring the city this
afternoon?"
"We can go and have a look at some buildings or spend time catching
up with friends we hardly ever get to see," I reply. "Which would you
rather choose?"
"Touch?," Alexa giggles happily.
And catch up we did, until early into the afternoon, when the time
finally came to head to the airport (after putting our clothes back
on first, of course!). Kayla, Sarah and Jenny stayed in the kitchen
talking for most of the morning, only emerging when Jenny's uncle
fired up the barbecue and cooked us all a delicious (and probably
very fattening) lunch. Naturally, there were tears when it came time
for us to leave, even though we assured the girls that we'd be
returning a few days later, and as we left, we waved out of the back
of the taxi until the house was out of sight- which, given the size
of the house, was a very long time!
"Ahh," Kayla sighs happily as she relaxes into the back seat of the
taxi. "Yeah... That was probably more fun than looking around the
city, heh! Especially considering which city we're heading to next!"
"Told you," I say. "Holidays are all about who you go with, not where
you go. I still reckon Becca and Adeola would've had a lot of fun. I
should've asked jenny if her family has any stables, you know Becca
would've been all over that!"
"Meh, it's their loss either way," Kayla says smugly.
"You really had fun, then?" I ask.
"Why wouldn't I?" Kayla replies. "Had a good long chat with Sarah and
Jenny too, which helped a lot. And they ARE my friends too, you
know?"
"Yeah," I say with a happy chuckle. "More than just friends, but
sisters, real sisters, you know?"
"Yeah," Kayla says with a happy sigh, before frowning. "...Does that
mean we're guilty of incest?"
"No," I say bluntly, prompting giggles from both myself and my
girlfriend as we head to the airport.
The flight to Las Vegas is just as swish as the flight from London to
Minneapolis was (albeit obviously shorter) and when we disembark the
plane, we're both nice and relaxed, which is for the best, as neither
of us are prepared for the sights and sounds that greet us when we
reach the centre of the city!
"...WOW," Kayla breathes as we ride in a taxi down the brightly-lit
Las Vegas strip. Even though it's twilight, the amount of light
coming from the front of the buildings makes it seem like it's the
middle of the day- albeit the middle of the day in some kind of
psychedelic alternate universe!
"I know places aren't supposed to look like they do in the movies,
but this place- this place kinda does," I giggle as we drink in the
sights.
"Just wish I could gamble in some of them," Kayla sighs as she slides
down in her seat.
When we'd planned the trip, we hadn't taken into consideration the
fact that the legal drinking age in the US is different to that in
the UK, and as Kayla isn't 21 for another four months, it put more
than a little crimp in what we had planned, reducing it to a mere
tour of the city before heading to our hotel room to settle down for
the night (both of us still struggling to adapt now that we're SEVEN
hours behind UK time).
"You know, we could always come back next year," I shrug as we unpack
the clothes we plan on wearing tomorrow. "And if we are coming out in
November, you'll be 21 then, see if we can't get Joshua to book us a
few shows here?"
"Meh, maybe," Kayla sighs, clearly disappointed by the change of
plans. "I'm happy just to get an early night after the flight, heh."
"Or we could, you know, try and go out anyway and see if you don't
get ID'd?" I suggest.
"...I got ID'd trying to buy a ticket for a 15-rated movie," Kayla
retorts, making me grimace as I try not to giggle.
"I still say they were just a fan who wanted to make sure it was
really you," I say.
"Which I doubt we'll have any of in Las Vegas," Kayla sighs. "Ah
well, at least it's a posh hotel room, hehe!"
"Yep," I say as I look around at the swanky d?cor in the room. As
we're only here for one night we got a simple room, rather than a
suite, but someone at the hotel must have known about our 'profile'
in the UK and decided to make a positive impression as when we arrive
there are individual boxes of chocolates on our pillows and very
fluffy dressing gowns- but, of course, no alcohol.
Kayla and I ultimately follow her suggestion of getting an early
night, settling down to sleep together just after 10pm- and thanks to
it being 5am UK time, sleep is what we immediately do once our heads
hit the pillow, neither of us feeling up for anything more
'physical'. We wake up just after 8am the following morning, and
despite our long rest, neither of us are in any particular rush to
get out of bed- or out of each other's arms.
"...I really don't want to get up," Kayla sighs as she rests her head
on my shoulder.
"Me too," I sigh. "I'm so glad we had that talk, we can relax like
this..."
"Me too," Kayla says. "Kinda wish we'd stayed in Minneapolis another
day now."
"Eh, we'll be back there on Wednesday," I say. "And it's not like we
can't do ANYTHING in Vegas, you know?"
"Not like I can't do anything, you mean?" Kayla retorts. "Miss '22
and can prove it'?"
"No, not like WE can't do anything," I say firmly, giving my
girlfriend a playful kiss on her lips.
"Thanks," Kayla whispers with a giggle, before wriggling in my arms
and pressing her body closer to mine. "Though I would rather just
stay in bed for now..."
"I won't argue with that," I giggle as we disappear under the
sheets...
We do eventually get out of bed a short while later and after
showering separately, we dress for the day in the lightest, coolest
clothes we brought with us, as when we step out of the hotel, it's
like we've stepped into a furnace! Before we headed to Vegas, Alexa
had warned us that it was in the middle of a desert, but this is
still heat unlike anything Kayla or I have ever experienced before.
"Oh my god!" I exclaim as I fan myself with my guidebook. "Maybe next
year we go, I dunno, Antarctica?"
"Sounds good to me!" Kayla says with an exasperated chuckle. "And I
thought Minneapolis was hot! Where do you want to check out first,
then? You know, other than a sauna to cool down?"
"Hehe," I chuckle tiredly. "I dunno, maybe..." I pause as I look
through my guidebook for any attractions that are child- well, under-
21 friendly, and a few do pop-up- the 'High Roller' Ferris wheel, a
bus tour of the Grand Canyon, a behind the scenes tour of a TV show
called 'Tanked'...
"Let me guess," Kayla sighs. "No under 21s?"
"No, there's plenty of stuff to do," I reply as I continue flicking
through the guidebook. "Not all of it's as exciting, heh."
"We could always- always, maybe..." Kayla mumbles. "Stop off at the
wedding chapel where Charlotte and Keith got married?"
"Umm..." I say as I feel my entire body suddenly tense up. "...What?"
"Oh- just, you know, to, like, send them a photo, maybe?" Kayla asks.
"Steph, I- I'm not proposing. Honestly. And won't until we're public.
Even though we, you know, like, could."
"Heh," I chuckle. "Can't gamble or drink alcohol when you're twenty,
but you can do something insignificant like get married?"
"I don't make the rules!" Kayla giggles. "But, well, yeah. It'd be,
you know, a nice surprise for them? And it'd give them a nice scare
too, hehe!"
"Oh- I am SO in then!" I say. "Do you know which way it is?"
"Easy enough to look up," Kayla says, getting her phone out of her
bag and looking up directions, before jumping with shock as I wrap an
arm around her waist. "Steph, what- what are you doing?"
"What?" I protest. "I can't hold my girlfriend next to me?"
"In public?" Kayla hisses.
"You yourself said last night that we're basically anonymous here," I
shrug. "This is probably the only place we're going to anytime soon
where we can say that. Why not take advantage of it?" I giggle as a
smile creeps across Kayla's face, before she stands on her tiptoes
and gives me a long, playful kiss on my lips. Needless to say, this
gets more than a little attention from some passers-by, including a
few motorists who honk their horns at us as they drive by!
"Okay, very true!" Kayla giggles, before sighing. "But what- what if,
you know, we encounter some of THOSE people?" What an ironic way of
putting it, I think to myself.
"Then I'll just have to defend you, won't I?" I ask with a wide grin
as we head to the nearest taxi rank hand-in-hand.
Fortunately, we didn't run into any of 'those' people during our
exploration of Las Vegas, which took us to various parts of the city
before the time came to collect our bags and head back to the airport
for the next leg of our trip.
"So, that was Vegas, then," I say with a tired chuckle as we wait to
board our plane.
"It was okay," Kayla shrugs. "This is gonna make me sound like some
kind of old fogey, but I kinda wish we could, you know, get in a time
machine and visit it in the sixties, you know? When the Rat Pack were
in town. When I studied music at college we did a whole module on the
sixties, like, the Rat Pack, the Beatles, Diana Ross."
"Yeah... 'Old fogey' isn't the first thing that comes to mind when I
think of you," I giggle, earning a stuck out tongue from my
girlfriend. "It does sound cool, I remember Stuart saying he did a
similar module when he was at university. The only thing that'd be
cooler? If Out of Heaven were playing during that time too!"
"Hell yeah!" Kayla giggles. "Reckon we could get Joshua to splurge
for, like, a sixties-themed music video? You know, miniskirts, hair
that makes Marge Simpson look like a skinhead, that sort of thing?"
"I've got the boots for it," I say, prompting another giggling fit
that leaves our fellow travellers bewildered at the sight of two
over-excited young Englishwomen.
It's not long before we're on our next plane, and not long after that
before we're touching down in the final city of our mini 'tour'.
Unlike Las Vegas, San Francisco isn't as 'in your face', but is still
a very beautiful city even after nightfall, especially the bay that
our taxi takes us past en route to our hotel.
As has become routine, we check into our hotel and then head straight
to bed, both due to tiredness (we're now EIGHT hours behind UK time)
and because unlike Vegas, we have a full itinerary tomorrow.
Before we headed to the US, we had one of the agency's researchers
look into the band's exposure in the country, and while we were, as
expected, unknown throughout most of the country, there were a few
pockets of fans here and there, and much to our surprise, even an
unofficial Out of Heaven US fan club- the president of which lives
right here in San Francisco and has agreed to meet us tomorrow
morning to give us a tour of the city!
After getting up, showering and dressing in light sundresses (San
Francisco isn't as hot as Las Vegas but is still a lot hotter than
we're used to), Kayla and I head down to the reception of the posh
hotel, where we're greeted by a tall young woman with a wide, nervous
grin on her face.
"Hi!" The black-haired girl says with an anxious wave. "I- I'm Leah,
hehe!"
"Hi!" Kayla says, leaning in for a gentle hug and making the girl's
jaw drop almost to the floor! "I'm Kayla, this is Steph, but I'm
guessing you already knew that, hehe!"
"Yeah!" Leah giggles, before sniffling and blinking back tears as I
give her a gentle hug. "Oh my god oh my god... I am, like your
BIGGEST fan, I love you so much!"
"Thanks, I think!" I giggle as I release Leah and she fans herself
with her hands, her face already having turned bright red.
"Oh my god, I am SO sorry, this is SO embarrassing," Leah moans. "I-
I promised myself I'd be cool, heh!"
"You buy our music, that's makes you cool for us, heh!" Kayla
chuckles as our fan slowly regains her composure.
"It's just- I can't believe you two are actually here," Leah sighs.
"It's like a dream come true, heh! And I actually get to spend time
with you, too!"
"Think Ashley might have some competition," I whisper to my
girlfriend, making her snigger, before turning back to our fan. "It's
our pleasure, really, we were pretty surprised to learn that we had
an unofficial US fan club!"
"There are only a few thousand of us now," Leah explains, taking
several deep breaths to calm herself down. "But, like, it'll be
millions before too long, hehe!"
"Here's hoping!" I chuckle. "We're sorry Becca and Adeola couldn't be
here this week, but we hope half of the band is better than none?"
"Oh- more than better!" Leah giggles. "And... You're kinda my, umm,
favourite anyway..."
"Ah- yeah, I, umm, kinda figured..." I mumble nervously as my own
cheeks start to redden.
When we first discovered the fan club on Facebook, the first thing we
obviously did was check out the profile of the person who founded the
page. On first glance, Leah appeared to be any ordinary nineteen year
old college student from California, but when we dug a bit deeper, we
discovered that she had a significant secret- that her name at birth
was 'Leland' and she'd lived the first seventeen and a half years of
her life as a boy. Needless to say, this struck a chord with me,
especially when it was pointed out that my own transition had likely
been a source of inspiration for Leah even though we were almost
eight thousand miles apart. We've exchanged a few private messages
over the last few weeks- even if it did take Leah ages to believe
that it was really me talking to her- but we haven't yet had the
chance to talk properly, which will hopefully be rectified today.
"...Yeah," Leah mumbles. "I, umm, I can, you know, book a taxi for
us, unless, you know, you want, umm... Breakfast?"
"Breakfast sounds good," I say, earning a nod from Kayla and a squeak
of excitement from Leah.
"I know the PERFECT place," Leah gushes, almost bouncing up and down
with excitement. "They do the best pancakes in the whole of
California, hehe!"
"Can't wait!" Kayla giggles as Leah leads us out into the warm
morning air.
The breakfast pancakes are just as delicious as Leah promises, though
it's the company I'm more interested in than the food. As we eat,
Leah tells us her story of how she'd always had feminine urges, and
how she'd secretly cross-dress as a teenager, before coming out in
the summer of 2016, before her final year of high school. Kayla and I
listen intently as Leah tells us how she had to deal with bullying
upon her return to High School, how former friends turned against her
in an instant, but how she also made new friends, one of whom loaned
her their copy of 'No More Lies' and changed her life almost
overnight. As always, I can't help but feel emotional as I hear the
tale of our music helped pulled a vulnerable young girl out of a pit
of depression, but much to my surprise, I see a tear form in the
corner of Kayla's eyes as Leah tells us about her life. Sometimes,
being famous isn't all about the influence or the money, but how much
we can use our fame to help other people as well. I just wish I was
able to help more girls like me or Leah.
After breakfast, Leah takes us on our promised tour of the city,
showing us the Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard Street (which made us glad
we wore flats), Fisherman's Wharf and the Presidio, as well as all
the preparations being made for the fourth of July celebrations
tomorrow. Leah also makes a diversion to show us around some of the
more significant LGBT landmarks of the city such as Dolores Park- San
Francisco being famous as the LGBT capital of America, of course. My
girlfriend and I exchange a few awkward glances as Leah repeatedly
apologises to Kayla, assuming that she wouldn't have any interest in
the LGBT history of the city- and it's clear from the look on Kayla's
face that she's surprised to find that she does indeed have an
interest in them.
And, of course, Kayla and I grow increasingly stressed as we have to
keep our relationship tightly under wraps- especially as it means
having to lie to someone as friendly as Leah is.
After our tour is over, the three of us head to a nearby restaurant
for dinner, before heading on to our final stop of the day, a small
rock and roll themed bar (though one that Leah assures us is under-21
friendly) in the centre of the city.
Both Kayla and I have seen plenty of American films and TV shows, so
we thought we knew what to expect when we entered the bar. And while
the decor didn't come as a surprise to us, the patrons of the bar
certainly did- roughly thirty young women, all of them the same age
as us... And all wearing Out of Heaven t-shirts.
"Oh my god," I whisper, a phrase repeated by many of the teenagers
when they catch a sight of who's just walked through the door. Kayla,
however, has a wide grin on her face, and is very clearly in her
element among all the excited fans.
"Hi everyone!" my girlfriend says with a playful giggle. "It's SO
good to see we've got so many fans in the US, hehe!"
"When you got in touch with me I thought I'd try to arrange a little,
you know, 'convention', heh," Leah chuckles quietly. "I, um, I hope
you don't mind?"
"Why would we mind spending time with such AWESOME fans?" Kayla asks,
her grin growing even wider. Other than us having to hide our
relationship? I think to myself as we're escorted to two very obvious
seats of honour that have been saved for us.
For the next two hours, we're introduced to the thirty-odd fans one
by one, like a proper meet and greet session, taking selfies, signing
autographs and learning about the fans (some have come from as far
away as Denver to meet us). A quick Q&A session follows, before we're
finally allowed to leave the bar- though not before giving Leah a
promise that we will meet her again, and if she's ever in London, she
has free tickets to one of our shows waiting for her.
As I get into the taxi that's taking us back to our hotel, I let out
a long sigh- which earns a confused frown from my girlfriend.
"Tired?" Kayla asks as she fastens her seatbelt.
"Umm, a little," I say. "Damned time zones, heh."
"I dunno, I think I'm finally getting used to them," Kayla muses.
"...And it obviously ISN'T the time difference that's the problem,
Steph. What's really up?"
"Can't hide anything from you, can I?" I say with a heavy sigh. "I
just- we just had, like, two weeks of doing publicity for our album,
now we come on holiday, and we spend an entire evening doing more
publicity?"
"You didn't enjoy that?" Kayla asks, genuinely confused by my
exhaustion.
"It was a bit tiring," I reply. "And we had to hide, you know, 'us'
the whole evening."
"Well that problem WILL be solved sooner rather than later, I promise
you that," Kayla reassures me. "...And it was a bit mean of us to
have to lie to Leah's face like that, you were right, she is a really
lovely girl. Heh, she's an Out of Heaven fan, how can she not be?
But, you know, the more we engage with our fans, the more famous we
get, right?"
"Even though those fans already love us?" I ask.
"Fans who'll go back to their schools and colleges with tales of how
friendly Steph Abbott and Kayla Ford were and how cool our music is
and how many more people should listen to it," Kayla replies.
"I guess," I sigh. "Those who aren't bullied for liking a girl band
with-"
"With four girls in it," Kayla finished my sentence for me. "Now come
on, like you said, we ARE meant to be on holiday, we might as well
enjoy what's left of it, right?"
"I guess," I shrug. "And I suppose it's okay that, you know, we both
don't think EXACTLY alike about things like that, right?"
"I hope so!" Kayla giggles, leaning into me and giving me a cuddle
that seems to melt all my tension away.
"Me too," I whisper as our taxi continues driving through the
Californian twilight toward our hotel.
When we arrive back at the hotel we opt for another early night. This
is because not only is tomorrow's flight an early one, but as
tomorrow is the fourth of July, we're expecting the airport to be
more than a little busy!
Sure enough, when we arrive at the airport, it's far more crowded
than it was on our arrival two days ago, and much to our surprise,
several of the fans we met yesterday are also at the airport waiting
for flights, exciting Kayla as she gets the chance to act like a
celebrity again, but frustrating me as it means that, once again, we
can't be a couple in public. However, as Kayla rightly pointed out,
the fans do effectively pay our wages, and we only have to stay and
chat for them for a short while before we're called for our flight-
where we're free to cuddle up together without fear of anyone seeing.
We arrive back in Minneapolis just after 3pm local time, and upon
leaving the airport, are immediately greeted by a pair of familiar,
and very welcome faces.
"Hey superstar girlies!" Sarah giggles as she and her wife each give
us a tight hug before helping us load our bags into their rental car.
"Good trip?"
"It had its ups and downs," Kayla shrugs.
"Yeah," I concur. "All told, I'd probably have preferred to have
stayed here with you guys."
"Though I wouldn't have missed yesterday's meeting with the
unofficial US Out of Heaven fan club for anything!" Think we'll agree
to disagree there, I think to myself.
"Yeah, we saw some of the photos they posted," Nikki says with a
giggle. "Not sure we dared show Alexa or Ashley them in case they
died of jealousy, hehe!"
"Have Alexa and Jenny recovered after the weekend?" I ask, prompting
more giggles from Nikki and her wife.
"Just about," Sarah replies. "Think the whole reality of marriage is
only just sinking in for them."
"Yeah, we know a thing or two about having to adjust to new
realities," Kayla chuckles. "...Though Steph probably does more than
me, in fairness."
"I didn't want to be the one to say anything there," Nikki says with
a smug grin. "Come on, Jenny's uncle's promised us another GREAT
barbecue, if we leave now, we should be there while it's still hot!"
Kayla and I giggle as we climb onto the back seat of the car, and
we're soon on the road heading west toward Jenny's parents vast
estate.
We spend the rest of the afternoon and evening enjoying our promised
(and once again, fattening) meal while catching up with the newlyweds
and relaxing in the summer heat. The day ends with a vast, elaborate
fireworks display put on by Jenny's family, and as I cuddle Kayla
close to me, I can't think of a more perfect way to end our holiday.
At Jenny's insistence, we stay overnight in one of the house's many
guest rooms, and when the time comes to head to the airport the
following morning, seemingly gallons of tears are shed in between
promises of our prompt return to the US and the newlyweds not wasting
time before their next visit to London.
Before long, Kayla and I are on the final plane journey of our
holiday, once again cuddled up together for the flight home.
"...Just so you know," I say to my girlfriend as we relax into our
seats, "we are NOT discussing the proper way to put on underwear on
this flight."
"Good," Kayla says with a giggle. "Not sure I can handle THAT again,
hehe! Ahh... I have really enjoyed this holiday, though. Despite the
whole 'Vegas disappointment' thing."
"I dunno it was THAT big a disappointment," I say. "I mean, I did get
to kiss you in public for the first time, right?"
"...Okay, it wasn't THAT disappointing," Kayla giggles. "And I grew
closer to you on this trip. For me, that makes it perfect."
"Me too," I whisper, giving the tiny blonde girl a gentle kiss as we
head back east toward home.
It's almost 11pm by the time we've touched down in London, collected
our bags and got a taxi back to our flat, so despite not feeling all
that tired, Kayla and I head straight to bed- and, in a trend I
genuinely hope continues, we both climb into my bed and waste no time
in snuggling together underneath the covers.
When we wake up the following morning, I'm almost confused to find
that I'm back in my own room, with the loud hustle and bustle of
everyday life in London filtering through my bedroom window. What I'm
not surprised by, however, is the presence of my girlfriend in my
arms, who is already awake and grinning at me.
"Morning babe," Kayla whispers as she gives me a gentle kiss.
"Morning," I reply, returning my girlfriend's kiss. "Ugh, I mean, I
know we're still on holiday, but you know, already being home..."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," Kayla sighs. "If it helps though, it IS
Friday..."
"Heh, not sure I'll be up for a night out tonight," I chuckle. "We're
going to Charlotte's tomorrow though, right?"
"Oh- totally," Kayla replies. "Assuming the twins aren't ill or
anything, heh. Some parts of 'routine' aren't too bad, hehe! Speaking
of, guess who's been called into work today?" I sigh as Kayla holds
her phone up, obviously hinting that she is the answer to her own
question.
"Oh- what, seriously?" I ask. "Eh, suppose it's not too bad. I mean,
we can tell Joshua about our decision to go public, right?"
"That's what I was thinking," Kayla says as she gets out of bed and
pads toward the bathroom. "Huh, guess we DO think alike sometimes,
heh!"
I grin as Kayla heads into the shower before checking my own phone,
only to discover no summons from our boss. I rack my brain trying to
figure out why Joshua would want to see her and not me, before taking
over from Kayla in the shower as she dresses in a light, floaty
sundress (Joshua has mercifully loosened the usual dress code while
Britain is gripped by this heatwave).
When we arrive at the Heavenly Talent office, we're ushered straight
up to the big man's office, where we're greeted with the usual wide
grin and a firm handshake each- though Joshua does have a slight look
of confusion on his face when he greets me.
"Thank you for coming on such short notice," Joshua says as he sits
back down at his desk. "Though you did not need to come today,
Stephanie, it was just Kayla that I needed to speak to."
"Oh- umm, we're planning on, you know, going somewhere afterward..."
I say, even though it's obvious Joshua can see straight through me.
"And, umm, we have some news for you."
"Oh?" Joshua asks. "I shall let you go first, then, my news is not
going anywhere, heh!"
"We- we've decided that the time has come to go public about us," I
say, gripping the hand of my nodding girlfriend. "We- we want to work
up to it, maybe come out publicly around Kayla's birthday in
October." Our boss nods at this news, though much to my surprise, the
usual grin and bombastic cry of 'about time' isn't forthcoming.
"I see," Joshua says. "This is long overdue. However... You may want
to hold off on making an announcement a little while longer."
"Umm- okay," Kayla says, confused by our boss's reluctance. "I
thought you'd have been happy about this news?"
"Oh- believe me, I am!" Joshua says with a quiet chuckle. "But there
has been a development, and if these two things overlap, it might get
a little... Tricky. Assuming you accept this offer, anyway."
"Of- offer?" Kayla asks.
"Yes," Joshua says with a grin. "You, Miss Ford, have been invited to
be on this year's series of Strictly Come Dancing!" My jaw drops at
this news- though not as much as Kayla's, who for a brief second,
actually looks like her heart has stopped beating due to the
surprise.
"St- Strictly!?" Kayla squeaks.
"Yes, and you must keep this to yourselves!" Joshua cautions. "This
is why I wanted to see Kayla alone, though I can most certainly trust
you to keep a secret, Steph! Though it does mean that your other
secret must be kept for a while longer as well. If you were to come
out while on the show, you would be accused of sensationalism, and
the press would be VERY negative. Of course, if you'd prefer, you can
come out when you planned and I can always try to get you on Strictly
in 2019 or 2020 instead..."
"Are you kidding!?" Kayla squeaks. "Strictly now, please!"
"Strictly 2018 it is!" Joshua chuckles as I feel my heart start to
tear. Once again, when forced to choose between me and gaining more
fame, Kayla chooses fame, just as she promised she would. Once again,
we've taken a step forward, only to take two back...