COPING -or- I COUNT MYSELF IN NOTHING ELSE SO HAPPY AS IN A SOUL
REMEMBERING MY FRIENDS
John woke up a bit late the next day. He remembered falling asleep on
the couch with his head in his mother's lap, but he woke up tucked
snuggly in his bed. He couldn't remember being moved.
Before he reached the kitchen, he could hear his mother talking to
Rose and Ed in the screened-in room. He couldn't hear the words, but
the tone was full of pity. That was worse than sympathy. He hated
being pitied. He really felt like he'd done a great job the day
before, and that his readings had helped Rose and Ed land their roles.
Now, he had to go back to rehearsal, back to the one place where he
excelled more than anyone, and everyone would ask if he got a role.
What could he say? 'I haven't heard?'
No.
He'd heard the silence just fine.
They didn't want him.
He thought about how many people had told him that this was not the
be-all-and-end-all of auditions - that there were plenty of auditions
ahead of him, but, by coming to The Cape, the production team had made
this audition infinitely more important. It was the most important day
of his life so far and he'd messed it up, royally. Even though he
wanted to happy for Ed and Rose, it was hard because their success
made his failure look so, so, so much worse.
"Hi, honey," Marilyn called with false cheeriness as John entered the
screened room. "Did you sleep well?"
Rose and Ed were silent and looked as if they were ashamed of
something. John forced a smile for their sake and, after greeting
everyone, he said, "So, did you guys go out to celebrate, last night?"
Ed looked to Rose, who was somewhat sheepish, and then said to John,
"Well... not really... I mean... kinda. We went to a hotel and had a
couple of drinks at the bar."
"Cool." John poured a few ounces of orange juice into a small tumbler.
Rose felt very uncomfortable. "I'm sorry, Johnny. We probably
shouldn't have..."
"Don't be crazy," John interrupted. "I'm glad you went out. You
couldn't have done it if I was with you, anyway. John's still a few
months from being legal and Bebe's way too young and doesn't look like
John's ID."
The silence was burning into everyone's head. Marilyn couldn't stand
it any more and said, "Last day of rehearsal right?"
John nodded. "We open in Brewster tomorrow evening before their
fireworks. There's a food truck festival going on, too. Not the best
crowd for Shakespeare, but they'll have been drinking all day, so they
won't be the worst, either."
They all snickered a little at his joke.
More silence.
Finally, Rose said, "Listen, Johnny, we need to talk..."
"No we don't." John had not lost his smile. "There's nothing to say.
They chose you, and not me, that's all that there is to it. Of course,
I'm disappointed, but that's ok. You guys deserve to be happy, so - be
happy. Today will be tough, but I'll get over it. I'm a big boy...
sort of."
That joke did not get a laugh.
"Maybe you should go in late today," Ed suggested. "Let everyone hear
the news and then, by the time you show up, they'll have had time to
digest it and you'll feel more comfortable."
John shook his head. "No. We have final dress today. I can't be late
today."
When they did arrive at rehearsal, everyone wanted to know if they'd
heard anything. Rose and Ed tried not to appear to be overly excited
about their news, but everyone was thrilled for them. They were all
taken aback with the news that John had not been hired, though. Almost
everyone had watched the auditions and they all knew that Ed probably
would not have been hired had John not intervened. It just seemed so
unfair.
Whenever anyone tried to offer John sympathy, though, he deflected it
with a grin and said he was just happy for for his friends. He'd get
his chance another time.
At lunch, Ms Weldon summoned him to her office. He was still dressed
in his new costume - the blue plaid gown with the large flowers on the
bodice, when he entered. Still in Bianca-mode, he hustled to the front
of her desk and gave his little curtsy. "Yes, ma'm?"
She smirked at this. "John... I know that you're struggling today..."
"Not at all, Ms Weldon. Honestly, I'm fine."
She shook her head. "No you're not, honey. I've been watching the run
and I can tell that you're not one hundred percent here, today. I know
this is tough, but I need you to get back into the show this
afternoon. Kate and Petruchio can work around you, but you are the
heart and soul of the rest of the ensemble."
He curtsied again. "I'm sorry, Ms Weldon. I'll do better."
She sat back in her desk chair and appraised him. "May I tell you
something I've never told anyone before?"
"Of course, ma'm. I promise I won't tell a soul."
"Well," she chuckled, "it's not really anything personal, it just...
relates to you, I guess. You see, when I was even younger than you, I
was already making my living as an actress. Mostly on the stage, but
I'd take anything. One day, a friend of mine and I went to an audition
for a daily serial - a soap opera - called 'The Days of Our Lives.' It
wasn't high art, or anything, but it paid well and I needed the work.
Anyway, Of the two of us, I went in first. When I came out, my friend
said she'd heard the whole thing and that I'd nailed it. Then she went
in. She was right - I could hear the whole thing. When she was done,
they asked her a few questions and one of them was, 'Why should we
cast you and not your friend?' She responded that we were not friends.
In fact she claimed that we'd only met in the waiting room. Then she
told them how rude I had been to the other people who'd been waiting
to read and, oh, she went on and on about how disruptive and
ignorantly I had behaved. None of it was true, of course, but the fact
is that she was cast in the role and I was not. I was, however, heart
broken and I cried for hours."
"That's terrible," John said quietly.
"It was, but it wasn't the fact that she'd gotten the role that hurt
me - it was what she said. I thought that she was my friend and she'd
stabbed me in the back."
"Ms Weldon, I think I see where this is headed and I just want to say
that Ed and Rose never stabbed me in the back. They just got lucky and
I didn't."
"That was, in fact my point, John. Those two people are thrilled to
have this opportunity, but they're also sick that you won't be doing
it with them. Do you know that they called me last night?"
"No." John was very surprised to hear that. "Why?"
"To ask me to intercede for you. Ed was nearly in tears on the phone.
I don't think that he has any idea how to deal with all the emotions
that are churning away in him right now."
John nodded. "I'm trying not to bring them down, Ms Weldon, I really
am. I am very happy for them. I'm just... very unhappy for me."
She smiled. "I know. Trust me, though, your day is coming."
"Thank you, Ms Weldon and... well... thank you for sharing that with
me."
"Go have lunch, John, then come back and be Bianca for everyone.
Remember, we open tomorrow night."
"Yes, ma'm" He curtsied again and left the office.
The afternoon run went much better and they all received high praise
from the production team. They had 'call' at 6:30pm the next day, in
Brewster, a town further out on the Cape Cod Peninsula. They packed
all of their garment bags and props into the troupe's trucks, then
headed home at 4:15.
John was purposefully less sullen and was even singing along with the
satellite radio as they pulled into the driveway and he spotted his
sister, Nancy, pulling her overnight bag out of the back of her car.
"Great," he muttered. "Can this day get any better?"
"Want me to drive by and we can get something to eat someplace else?"
Rose offered.
"No." John shook his head. "I might as well get it over with."
He scooted out of the Tesla with a big smile on his face. He was
wearing a very casual, loose fitting, tank-top-style dress that was
very popular amongst young women who wore their swimsuits all summer
long and just liked to have something cute to throw on over it. His
was a Hawaiian pattern of hibiscus and leaves with a deep red
background. It was VERY cute.
"Hi, Nan." He hurried to give his sister a peck on her cheek.
"Hi, Johnny. Rose." Nancy was a bit cool to them both.
'Great,' John thought, 'what did I do to tick her off already!?'
"I'll take this for you." Rose grabbed the overnight bag from Nancy
and headed into the house.
"I can take..." Nancy tried to protest.
"No trouble at all," Rose called back as she moved quickly towards the
house, leaving John and Nancy alone in the driveway.
"Sooo," John started. "You feeling ok?"
Nancy folded her arms and leaned against her SUV. "I'm... ok, Johnny.
You?"
"To tell you the truth, I've had better days."
She nodded. "Mom told me. That's rough, Johnny."
He shrugged. "Listen, 'Shrew' opens tomorrow night. Do you think that,
maybe, you might be able to come?"
"Come here." She opened her arms and invited him in for a hug. He
accepted, gladly. "I wouldn't miss it for the world."
She smelled nice. Not like strawberries and flowers like him, but like
soap and... Nancy.
"Johnny," she rubbed her cheek on his soft hair, "I'm really sorry. I
mean - about everything. About the other day and what I said to mom
and the auditions... I'm just so sorry. I really just want you to be
happy. You know I love you, right?"
He nodded, still in her embrace.
"Are we friends, again?" she asked.
"Yeah. We're friends, Nan. I'm sorry, too." He pulled his head free
and looked up into his older sister's eyes. "Do you forgive me for
looking like you?"
She smiled. "Johnny, I've been thinking about this since I left. I
surprised by all of this, but I was also an asshole. I shouldn't have
judged you like I did."
He shrugged. "Ok."
"Ok? Isn't this where you're supposed to say, 'No, Nancy, you weren't
being an asshole?'"
He shrugged again, "Mom told me never to lie."
Rose was surprised to see Nancy being so upbeat around John and
Marilyn. Marilyn, however still seemed to be overly focused on John,
as if she was waiting for him to breakdown and cry. Rose watched John,
too. He was smiling and he looked adorable in his sporty little dress,
but she suspected that his smile wasn't completely sincere.
"Hey, Nancy," John helped, suddenly realizing something, "you need to
congratulate Rosie! She's going to be on the show! Isn't that
awesome?"
Nancy's smile was strained, but as sincere as she could be, "Oh, yeah,
that's right. Rose, I'm sorry. Of course, congratulations! That's
amazing! You must be so excited."
Rose smiled and tried not to look overly self-satisfied. "Thank you,
Nancy. That's very nice of you."
"Mom," John looked at the clock, "do you mind if Rose and I go for a
quick walk?"
"Sure, honey. We're just having burgers and corn on the cob. I can
start it when you get home."
"Great." He practically skipped over to Rose and took her hand. "Come
on!"
He pulled her out the door, quickly. He was in a rush to get her
someplace, fast. Outside, Ed was just pulling up to the curb. "Am I
late?"
"Right on time." John took one of Ed's hands as well and he hustled
them towards the beach. He was out in front, trying to run and pull
them along behind him. "Come on, you guys, hurry!"
Eventually, Rose and Ed were half walking, half running behind their
little guide.
When they reached the beach, they saw a group of people gathered near
the shoreline. They were dressed oddly for a July evening. Poodle
skirts and leather jackets. There was something flickering in the
middle of all of them. John pulled the couple towards them, and
suddenly, they recognized Gloria, Harry and the whole rest of the cast
of 'Taming of the Shrew' and they were holding a huge, sheet cake that
was covered in flickering candles. They all shouted the same word that
was written on the cake, "CONGRATULATIONS!!!"
Rose and Ed were frozen in shock, looking at their friends, all
dressed as if they were in a production of 'Grease.' John was bouncing
up and down and clapping his hands. "Congratulations, guys!"
"We know that the show takes place in the early 60s," Gloria laughed,
"but we didn't have costumes or that. I knew where we could borrow
'Grease' costumes, though, so this is what we could get in a hurry."
"Oh, you're all so wonderful!" Rose clapped her hands. "Thank you all,
so much!"
"You didn't have to do this, Johnny," Ed said, but his smile said that
he was thrilled.
"Of course, I did. What kind of a friend would I be if I didn't?"
"Thanks, pal."
"Johnny," Rose grabbed him and hugged him. "You're unbelievable.
Thanks you."
Of course, inside, John was torn. He was still smarting from the
disappointment and he was incredibly sad that Ed and Rose would be
taking this step together, but without him - but what kind of a friend
would he be if he didn't show them that he was happy for them - which,
he was. In fact, Gloria had done the heavy lifting on this get-
together. John had just mentioned that he should do 'something' for
them. From there, she had done all the work.
Out of nowhere, John was suddenly hoisted into the air and swung
playfully in a series of circles. Disoriented and screaming and
laughing, he was finally dropped back to earth by Ed, who's infectious
grin made John laugh even more.
"I love you, buddy," Ed laughed as he planted a big, happy kiss on
John's lips. "You're the best! I thought you'd hate us for... well...
you know. Thanks, pal!"
John smiled and hugged Ed in return. "I love you, too, Ed."
"Hey, can I get in on all this hugging?" Rose giggled as she wrapped
her arms around John, pulled him to her breasts and rested her head on
his. "Oh, my wonderful little sister," she giggled. "Thank you, so
much. I love you."
"I know. I love you, too."
A little over an hour later, they were back home eating burgers after
finishing some delicious corn on the cob. Rose had been on the phone
with her very excited parents, who were coming to Brewster for the
opening tomorrow.
"Knock, knock," called a voice from the doorway. It was Rita, who John
had figured had already flown back to LA. "May I come in?"
She opened the door without waiting for an answer, and made a beeline
for John. "Oh, I'm sorry, baby." She hugged him. "I've been trying all
day to get these jackasses to hire you. They know how good you are and
they know you can play the younger brother without looking at all like
Bebe, but this is how things go, sometimes. They decided on going with
that boy who was in that Dwayne Johnson movie last year. He's already
part of the Disney family and he's got a little bit of cache, already.
Can you forgive me?"
John pulled away from the hug and gave her a sad smile. "Sure, Rita. I
forgive you."
"But I do have some good news for you. I have an audition for you to
read for a part in a film. It's a small part and you'll have to fly to
Vancouver for the audition."
"When?" John asked, not overly excited about going to Vancouver.
"A week from tomorrow at nine a.m. it's a long flight there and an
even longer flight back, I'm afraid, and you'll have to pay your own
way, this time. What do you say?"
John snickered as he sat at the table. "I say, 'no,' I guess."
"No!?" Nearly everyone said at once.
"John, are you crazy?" Ed asked. "It's an audition."
"It's a Show night, Ed. I'd have to miss two performances to get there
and back. I can't do that."
"Bebe," Rose said, catching Nancy by surprise, "you have an
understudy. Just talk to Ms Weldon."
John shook his head. "Nope. I'm Bianca - no one else. I will do every
performance of this run. That's what I agreed to do, so that's what
I'm going to do. Besides, I can't afford to fly to Vancouver for an
audition and I haven't really recovered from yesterday, yet. I need a
break before I do this again."
Rita shrugged and sat at the table. "So that's it, then? You're just
giving up just because one audition didn't work out?"
John folded his arms on the table in front of him and slammed his head
onto them, his hair splaying around him. "Arrrrrgh!" He called into
the cavern formed by his position. "I never said I was giving up! I
just said that I'm not doing THIS audition!" He pulled his head up,
shook his hair from his face and lashed out, "I never would have met
you if I wasn't playing Bianca. I never would have been cast as Bianca
if I wasn't willing to commit to playing Bianca at each performance. I
CAN'T GO TO VANCOUVER NEXT SATURDAY BECAUSE (A) I CAN'T AFFORD IT AND
(B) I HAVE AN OBLIGATION TO BE HERE, PLAYING BIANCA IN THE SHOW THAT
STARTED ALL OF THIS!"
"I see," Rita folded her arms under her breasts and nodded. "Would
anyone else like to say anything? Maybe help me get our little diva
back on track?"
"I would," Nancy said, as she reached behind her chair and produced
her pocketbook. She pulled a checkbook out and quickly filled in the
check. She tore it from the spline and slapped it on the table.
Rita picked it up. "A thousand dollars? What's this for?"
"That will cover the cost of the dress that you bought my little
brother last week. Now, leave him alone and get out of his life."
Rita scoffed, tore up the check, stood and headed for the door. She
stopped before exiting, turned and said, "Listen, John, I understand
you don't want to do this particular audition - that's fine - but, if
you need me, just call. I'll give you a little time to get yourself
under control, then I'll be in touch - see if there's anything we can
do."
He nodded.
"And you... John's sister. I didn't catch your name."
"Nancy," his sister said.
"Well, Nancy - I know that you think you're looking out for your
little brother's best interests, but just think about this. You wrote
me a check for a thousand dollars without even blinking, but you could
have bought your brother a round trip flight to and from Vancouver for
under seven-fifty. Wouldn't writing a check for the tickets have been
more generous and helped him more? Maybe you need to rethink what his
best interests really are."
They all sat in silence as the screen door slapped closed.
"What a bitch!" Nancy finally said. "Who does she think she is?"
"No," Marilyn said quietly. "I think she's right, but she should have
said that to me."
The Fourth of July started with its traditional Cape Cod total
gridlock. All the major streets were clogged with tourists and cottage
owners, all trying to get to their cottages at the same time. None of
that was unexpected, of course. Every year, on The Fourth, the major
streets and highways of this peninsula of Massachusetts was a solid
mass of cars from the bridges to Race Point, out past Provence Town.
Ed had stayed the night, again, and he and Rose had been up since dawn
talking and planning. It was starting off as a very hot day. They were
both in pajamas, relaxing before opening night.
"Well, if you and I are getting a place together," Rose was Looking at
some potential apartments in LA on her phone, "and we'll be making
plenty of money, then it just makes sense to have Johnny come live
with us, right? I mean, neither of us would have gotten this
opportunity if it weren't for him, so why shouldn't he benefit from
our good fortune?"
"Fine with me," Ed said, "but he seems a little out of it, right now.
Maybe the best thing to do would be to get a three bedroom place and
let him come out when he's ready."
"John, you mean?" Nancy was entering the room, well dress and groomed
and ready for the day.
"Yeah," Rose nodded.
"He's seemed a little out of it for a while, now, if you ask me,"
Nancy said, a bit harshly.
"Knock it off, Nancy." Ed didn't bother looking at her. Theirs had
always been a difficult relationship. "No offense, but you're not
helping much. Rose said that you and John made up yesterday, but
undermining him behind his back isn't helping anyone."
"Well, no offense, Ed, but he's my brother and I'm worried about him."
"We know that, Nancy," Rose intervened, "Ed and I love him, too, but
arguing with each other isn't going to help anyone. I don't know how
you or your mom feel, but Ed and I think it'd be best if he came to LA
with us, started auditioning out there, and we could support him for
as long as needed. After all, we'll be making plenty of money."
Nancy shrugged. "That's very generous of you, but if I have any say in
it, I think he should stay here, see a psychologist and deal with
these gender issues he's struggling with."
"Geez, you're narrow minded." Ed shook his head. "What kind of a
Doctor are you studying to be, anyway?"
"An endocrinologist. Why?"
"That's hormones and stuff, right?" Ed scoffed. "You're gonna have to
work on your bedside manner, then, because a lot of people struggling
with gender issues will be coming to see you and if you're as
dismissive of them as you are of your brother, you'll have a hard time
keeping your office open."
Nancy folded her arms and leaned back in her chair. "How did I become
the bad guy in my own house!? I just don't want Johnny to get hurt. To
do something that he'll regret later."
"Like not follow his dream?" Ed was staring her down, now.
"Like confusing somebody else's idea of his dream with his own.
Johnny's dream never involved being a little girl until two weeks ago,
so don't get all high and mighty with me, Ed. I know I haven't been
here, but maybe not being here kept me from drinking the same Kool-
Aide that you all have. I love Johnny. Don't ever question me about
that."
"Nancy," Rose said calmly, "just so you know - when Johnny was the
most angry with you, Ed was the one who kept telling him that you
loved him. So, maybe we should all try to calm down. It's opening
night, after all, and I don't want to show up all frazzled."
Ed stood and headed to the kitchen. "I brought eggs and bacon. Can I
make any for either of you."
"Just a piece of bacon for me, Ed. I'll make myself some toast when
you're done."
"Nancy?" Ed asked.
She sighed. Nancy was a born scrapper and she hated losing an
argument, but Ed had his points and he was trying to be kind. "Thank
you, Ed. I'd love a couple of scrambled eggs and bacon."
While Ed cooked and Rose continued to apartment shop, Nancy answered
some emails. Soon, Marilyn joined them at the table. Ed made sure that
everyone had what they needed before he sat down, too.
"There are three pieces of bacon on a plate on the counter for John
when he gets up," he smiled at everyone. "Enjoy!"
When they had finished, Marilyn got up to get John out of bed. It was
getting late.
"He's gone!" She ran back into the screened room, panicked.
"Gone!?" The rest replied.
"I just went to get him and he's gone! Ed - see if he's in the yard
somewhere! Rose, check the cars! Nancy, help me check everywhere
around here!"
They all hurried and looked everywhere. There was no John to be found.
"I'm calling the police," Marilyn announced.
"And tell them what, mom? That your twenty year old son who thinks
he's a twelve year old girl is missing?"
"Fourteen," all three responded in unison.
Marilyn put her phone down. What could she do? Where could he be?"
Just then, John came in through the breezeway. He was wearing the same
swim suit he'd worn with Cassie and Annie last week. His hair was wet
and he smelled of salt water.
"Hi," he whispered as everyone looked at him in shock.
"Hi?" Marilyn said too loudly. "Is that all you have to say? Hi? You
nearly gave each of us a heart attack! Where have you been!?"
"Mom," he was a bit shocked by their concern, "it's the Fourth of
July. I always go to the beach to take a dip on The Fourth. What's the
big deal?"
Marilyn let herself breathe normally, again, before answering. "What's
the big deal? He asks. What's the big deal? You could have been
kidnapped, or taken or raped, Johnny. You can't just leave like that."
"Mom, I've been going to the beach alone since I was twelve years
old..."
"Since you were a twelve year old BOY, John! A BOY!! You're not a boy
any more and you know that! Young ladies, especially young ladies as
attractive as you, can't just wander away, John. Things happen to
them. BAD things."
John realized that he'd upset everyone. "I'm sorry, mom. I really am.
I won't do it, again."
Marilyn and the other women sat back down at the table. "I'll make you
some eggs," Ed said as he headed for the kitchen.
As John put down his towel and headed for a seat, Nancy eyed him
closely. "Come here, Johnny," she beckoned.
When he was standing near her she had him turn around and face away
from her. "Johnny, I'm only asking these questions as a doctor, ok?"
"Sure."
She ran her hand along his rear end and squeezed it just a bit.
"Johnny, are you taking any hormones or anything like that?" She
gripped his hips and turned him towards her.
"No, nothing like that. Why?"
She was seated, he was standing, his sightline was only just over the
top of her head. She ran her hands along his hips and thighs. Then she
patted the front, bottom of the swimsuit. "I assume that your little
guy is tucked away in here?" She asked.
He nodded.
"Hmm."
"What's the problem?" Marilyn asked.
Nancy turned to speak to her mother and used John to illustrate what
she was saying. "Nothing, probably, but, right here, his hips seem
broader than a boy's hips should be. And his thighs seem a tiny bit
plumper than they should be."
"Come on, Nancy, knock it off..." John wasn't seeing the humor in
this, but his mother interrupted.
"You're not teasing, are you, Nancy?"
"No, I'm serious. Honestly, mom, I'm concerned about his development.
I now he's small, but..." she turned to her brother and asked, "Do you
have any problems attaining or retaining an erection, John?"
"Umm, excuse me," Rose said, rising from the table, "I should probably
leave the room."
John nearly asked her to stay to testify that he had, in fact, no
problems in that department, but that didn't seem appropriate at all.
"No, if you must know, I don't have any problems. Everything works
quite well, thank you."
"Spread your legs, just a bit for me."
"No!"
"Johnny, do what your sister says. She is a doctor, you know." Marilyn
demanded.
He heaved a sigh and did as he was told. Nancy reached between his
legs and investigated.
"Are you wearing a gaff?"
He couldn't believe his mother was sitting there watching his sister
prod him like this. "Kinda. The costumer sewed a pouch in the crotch.
I'm tucked in that."
"What about your testicles? I can't feel them."
"Nancy, please, can we..."
"Oh, my goodness!" Marilyn gasped. "You didn't do something to
yourself, did you?"
"When would I have done that, mom!? I've been with you or Ed or Rose
every moment since all this began! Of course not! They're..." he
sighed again, "...they're... up, inside. I have to push them back up
into me."
"Well, that's not all that healthy for your sperm, but, honestly, I
think you should see a doctor, Johnny. I'm wondering if you're
producing enough testosterone. I mean, that may explain why you're so
small, too, but seeing you in this tight, little outfit, I'm not
seeing a lot of secondary male development for a twenty year old."
"And you're being completely serious, right, honey," Marilyn was a bit
concerned.
"I wouldn't kid about this, mom. Johnny, you might need a little
hormone therapy to kick start the second part of your puberty."
"But... I mean, I had a mustache and all..."
"John," Nancy laughed, "I have black hair, too. If I didn't have my
lip waxed every few weeks, I'd have a mustache, too, and it would
probably be as wispy as yours was. Just do this for me, ok? Just to be
safe."
"Ok," he agreed. "I'll do it."
THE PLAY -or- A TALE TOLD BY AN IDIOT, FULL OF SOUND AND FURY AND
SIGNIFYING NOTHING
"Hi, we're in the show, tonight. Can we park here?" Ed was driving
Rose's Tesla.
The attendant called someone on a walkie-talkie then said, "You can
park all the way down at the end. See those trucks down there? You can
park by those."
The trucks were actually the property of the Cape Cod Shakespearean
Rep. The crew was setting up the limited lighting they'd be using that
evening. There was still a few hours before call, but John always
liked to get to the show early, then have dinner and relax till the
call time. It was a tradition for him and Ed. They were always the
first actors on set. This time, though, there was a food-truck
festival going on around the town Common where the play was being
staged, so - bonus!
They left their show bags in the trunk and headed up the parking lot
towards the stage. Each venue was different and John liked to know
exactly what the stage would look like so there'd be no surprises.
"My, my, my! Looks like my three favorite actors are here bright and
early!" Jan was pushing a rolling wardrobe out of one of the trucks.
They all exchanged pleasantries, then Jan said, "I saw a friend of
yours wandering around here a few minutes ago."
"Who?" Rose was Looking around, but didn't immediately notice any
familiar faces.
"Remember Julia, the costumer you met the other day? She decided to
stay on The Cape for the weekend. She saw our schedule on the wall and
she came to see the show. Probably to criticize my costumes, if I know
anything about how a costumer's brain works." She giggled at her own
little joke while the others smiled.
"Cool." Ed nodded. "We'll keep our eyes open for her. We're going to
see what the food trucks have to offer. Want anything?"
"Not right now, thanks. I'll grab something after everyone's all set
to go. Have fun, kids."
They did.
With Ed and Rose in shorts and tees shits, and John in a very cute,
sheer, cotton sheath, he once again looked like the little sister who
tagged along on an older sibling's date as they sampled a little from
each of the food trucks. Shawarma, fried dough, hot dogs, pulled pork
sandwiches... they sampled everything and split each entr?e amongst
themselves.
As they were waiting for their dessert - New England bread pudding
with vanilla ice cream from a local dairy - John said, "Ugg, I'm
full!" He thrust his hips forward and extended his belly as far as he
could, then he rubbed his belly.
"You have a food baby!" Rose giggled. "I hope you didn't eat so much
that you'll get sick!"
"Nah," he laughed as he returned to his normal posture, "there's
always more room in my belly!"
Rose laughed, again. John was so excited tonight. She'd only known him
a short time, but she'd never seen him this hyper. He was, obviously
enjoying the food trucks, but he was very worked up about opening
night, too. She knew he enjoyed acting, but he was nearly giddy for
the show.
When they'd gotten their dessert, they headed for the crowded picnic
table area where they could eat and enjoy the local band that had
started playing old rock songs. They found a table that had two seats
available. "You girls sit down and I'll stand." Ed smiled.
John shook his head, though. "You sit. I'm too wound up to sit,
anyway."
Everyone was having a great time, eating tasty food and singing along
to the oldies. While the band played "Old Time Rock and Roll," John
joined the crowd around him in singing the refrain, which was the only
part he knew. He also started moving, dancing to the music. Since he'd
started wearing short skirted dresses, he'd become enamored by the
feel of the material moving around his thighs while he swayed and
danced to music. He loved the feeling. What a shame that most men
never experienced how wonderful that felt. Ed and Rose were thoroughly
amused by his little performance, as were some of the people seated
nearby.
When the band started playing Journey's "Don't Stop Believin,'" John
joined the crowd and sang every note along with the band. Soon, a
group of forty-something ladies who were walking past, joined John's
dance and they became the center of attention in the audience. Soon,
more than twenty people, mostly girls and women, were dancing along
with him.
When the song ended, Ed and Rose led the crowd in a standing ovation -
not for the band, but for John and the rest of the people who'd danced
with him.
One of the band members called out through the PA system, "We'll,
alright! What's that girl's name?" He asked, pointing at John.
"Bebe!" called back Ed and Rose.
"Alright, Bebe! Let's have a big round of applause for Bebe,
everyone!"
Ed gripped John by his narrow waist and lifted him so he was standing
on the picnic table. John gave First the band, then the audience, a
quick series of curtsies as he beamed with joy and the crowd clapped
and chanted "Be-be! Be-be! Be-be...!"
"Let's keep this going," the band member called out, again. "This is a
Fleetwood Mac song called 'Monday Morning!'"
John was in his element. He would have been way too self conscious to
have done what he just did when he was John, but Bebe just seemed to
love life too much to not enjoy it. This was the best part of being
Bebe.
As Ed helped him down from the table, they heard two young, familiar
voices calling through the din of the band and the crowd. "Bebe!
Bebe!" The voices called out as the two, bouncing, excited girls
pushed through the crowd.
"Annie! Cassie!" John, still in full Bebe mode, ran to hug his
friends. "What are you guys doing here!?"
"We're here with our dad!" Annie said excitedly.
"We're only here overnight to see the play they're doing here and then
see the fireworks, and our dad said that we wouldn't have time to get
together with you. So, he wouldn't let us call you." Cassie hugged
him, too.
The play! John realized that would make things a bit difficult. "You
guys are staying for the play?"
"Yeah!" Cassie enthused. "Aren't you? I love Shakespeare, don't you?"
"I do, actually..." John began, but was interrupted by Rose.
"Hi, girls! What a surprise, huh, Bebe?"
John nodded. "They're here to see the play, Rose." He tried not to
show his concern to the girls.
"Oh, how wonderful!" Rose clapped her hands. "You came to support
Bebe?"
"What?" Annie was perplexed.
"Oh, Wow! This is the play you were rehearsing!? Wow, this is
awesome!" Cassie caught on more quickly.
"You're in THIS play!?" Annie finally caught on. "Bebe, we're going to
get to see you act! I'm so excited!"
"Not just Bebe, but Ed and me, too." Rose smiled.
"Really?" Cassie was intrigued. "Who are you all playing?"
"I'm Kate, Bebe is my sister, Bianca, and Ed is..."
Cassie cut her off. "Petruchio?"
Rose laughed. "No. Ed is Lucentio."
"Wait," Cassie giggled. "Doesn't Lucentio end up married to Bianca?"
"Yes, he does," Ed arrived after taking a phone call.
"Oh, you end up with your real-life sister's boyfriend in the play,"
Annie smirked. "That's not weird at all!"
'You have no idea how weird,' John thought as he tried to figure out
how to keep them from discovering that he was a guy. There'd be
programs, or introductions, or something. He had to talk to Ms Weldon,
quickly.
"That's so cool, Bebe! Your full name is Bianca and you're playing
Bianca in the play!" Annie smiled.
"Yes." Rose smiled at the child. "Bebe was actually named after the
character in this play. How perfect is that?"
"I used to hope that I would get to be Annie in that musical when I
was younger," Annie joked. "I'm too old, now, though."
"Listen, Beebs," Rose patted John's back, gently, "why don't you go
spend some time with your little friends and Ed and I will take care
of everything that needs to be done before the show. Now, remember,
you have 'call' at 6:30, so make sure that you're in the dressing room
by at least 6:15. That gives you over an hour to be with you friends.
Now, go have fun."
John would have been thrilled to have had more time with the girls,
but he wanted to be sure that he could keep the cast from giving his
secret away. He leaned towards Rose to tell her about his concerns,
but she just smiled and said, "Don't be such a worrywart, Bebe. Big
sister will take care of everything. I promise." She laced her arm
through Ed's, "Leave everything to the grown ups. We'll take care of
it."
"Ok," John said with some trepidation. "I'll see you at 6:15."
After the teenagers had left, Rose said to Ed, "What did Rita want?"
"Looks like we're going to have to be in LA sooner than expected."
"No kidding? Tell me about it on the way. We've got to speak to Ms
Weldon about John."
John had already eaten more than he usually would have before a show,
but Cassie and Annie had not yet indulged in the treats offered by the
food trucks. So, John took them back along the route he'd already
followed, encouraging them to try all of his favorites. Within a few
minutes, the girls' good mood and enthusiasm had infected him, too and
he trusted that Ed and Rose would have everything taken care of when
he arrived.
As six o'clock passed, John headed to the dressing rooms with the
girls in tow. When he reached an area just before the trailers, he
said, "I'll meet you here after the show. This is where we do the
'meet and greets' and see our families and friends."
"That's so cool!" Cassie grabbed John and hugged him. "Break a leg
Beebs! I can't wait to see the show!"
"Me neither." Annie joined the hug.
"Looks like someone brought her own cheering section," came a voice
from behind John.
"Hi, Mrs Foley!" Both girls chirped.
"Hi, girls," she turned to John, "Bebe, you didn't tell me you'd
invited your friends to the show."
"I didn't know, mom." John wasn't thrilled with the look on her face.
Marilyn was obviously wondering how John planned to pull this off
without the girls finding out that he was a man.
"We didn't even know she was in it!" Annie said with big grin.
"Yeah, we just came with our dad," Cassie offered.
"Well, how nice." Marilyn shot John a knowing glance.
John nodded as casually as he could, but a shiver ran down his back
when he heard Nancy's voice, "Well, who have we hear? Bebe, aren't you
going to introduce me to your little friends?"
All of John's excitement about opening night was fading quickly. The
girls may find out that he's a guy, Nancy may say something
inappropriate in front of them - she'd definitely have something to
say about all of this later. He was envisioning a 'no win' evening
ahead of him.
"Cassie and Annie, this is my oldest sister, Nancy. She's a doctor."
"How do you do, YOUNG ladies?" She emphasized the word 'young' and
glared at John. Then she turned to the girls with a fake smile
plastered to her face.
"Wow!" Cassie remarked. "You two look so much alike! How did Rose end
up being a blonde?"
Nancy smiled at the sixteen year old. "We always tell her that she's
adopted."
Everyone one laughed.
"I really have to go dress for the show," John said. "I'll see
everyone after, though."
"Give mommy a kiss." Nancy stopped him as he started to head to the
trailers. "You know that good girls always kiss their mommies
goodbye." He did as he was told and headed off to get ready.
Ms Weldon greeted him with a big smile. "Here she is! You've got
nothing to worry about, honey. The programs never showed up, anyway,
so the audience won't know your name."
"Thank you, Ms Weldon." John's demeanor indicated that there was
something else wrong.
"What's the matter, John? You seem distracted."
He raised his eyebrows and sighed. "I guess you know about Cassie and
Annie, right?"
She nodded. "A little, but we've dealt with that. We just won't
introduce the cast by name."
"Yes, well, my sister and mother saw me with them. I can tell that my
mom is concerned that they'll find out, but my sister is really not
supportive of all of this 'Bianca' stuff, let alone 'Bebe' stuff, so
I'm pretty sure that I'm going to get an ear full when I get home."
"Oh, I see."
"And not only that, but Rose's parents are here, too and the girls
think Rose and I are sisters... I just feel like it's all going to
blow up on me, tonight."
"Hmm," she pondered. "As Sir Walter Scott said, 'Oh, what a tangled
web we weave,' huh?"
John nodded.
"Look, John, I'm very sorry that I got you into this mess. I'd really
hoped that you'd be in a better position - career-wise, I mean - by
doing this role. I know that it's been a tough few days, but I'll help
you with everything tonight. I'll have Rose text her parents and have
them meet her on the other side of the trucks, ok? Will that help?"
"Yes, Ms Weldon. Thank you. That will help a lot."
"Good, now give me hug and get your head into being Bianca." She
hugged him. "This is a big night for you, John. Keep the rest of the
world out of your head and just be Bianca until the curtain falls. You
can do it, and you know it. Just block everything else out and be
Bianca."
John took a deep breath and found his inner Bianca. He broke the hug,
slowly, stepped back and curtsied as he said, "Yes, ma'm. Thank you,
ma'm." Then he smiled and headed for his dressing area.
"Bianca's back," the director said quietly to herself as she watched
him walk away.
"Good sister, wrong me not, nor wrong yourself, To make a bondmaid and
a slave of me." John was completely in Bianca mode. Everything beyond
the stage apron was forgotten.
"That I disdain: but for these other gawds, Unbind my hands, I'll pull
them off myself, Yea, all my raiment, to my petticoat; Or what you
will command me will I do, So well I know my duty to my elders."
"Of all thy suitors, here I charge thee, tell, Whom thou lovest best:
see thou dissemble not." Rose was as focused as John and the audience
was eating up every second of the fight between the two sisters.
"Believe me, sister," John pulled on the 'ropes' that bound him, "of
all the men alive I never yet beheld that special face, Which I could
fancy more than any other."
"Minion, thou liest. Is't not Hortensio?" Rose spat at him. Torturing
Bianca in the play.
"If you affect him, sister, here I swear, I'll plead for you myself,
but you shall have him." John, as Bianca, pled for mercy.
Rose, as Kate, was relentless. "O then, belike, you fancy riches more:
You will have Gremio to keep you fair."
"Is it for him you do envy me so? Nay then you jest, and now I well
perceive You have but jested with me all this while:I prithee, sister
Kate, untie my hands," Bianca begged.
"If that be jest, then all the rest was so." Kate finished with a fire
in her eyes.
Both actors were fully immersed in the scene and the audience was
riveted to their performance. By scene 2, the audience was accepting
the truth of the characters and their behavior to such a level that
the strangeness of the language was forgotten.
When John entered in the final scene, his blue, plaid dress was first
received with 'ahhs' from the women, then a round of applause for the
garment. The scene, which is primarily between Petruchio and Kate,
went beautifully and at the close of the act, the audience erupted
with applause.
As each actor came out for a bow, the audience responded
affectionately, but when John came out, the standing ovation began. He
curtsied politely, smiled and took his place next to Ed as Rose and
the actor playing Petruchio took their bow. Then they all came
together at center stage for the company bow. They indicated the crew
for their bow, then took one more all together. Then another. And
another.
Suddenly the applause grew even louder and the audience's attention
was all drawn stage left where Don Ferry, the star of the TV show that
had just hired Ed and Rose appeared and crossed to stage center with a
microphone in his hand. He waved for the crowd to quiet, then he
spoke.
"Hi, everyone. I'm Don Ferry..." the crowd erupted again. "... thank
you, you're very kind. Anyway, I just want to congratulate this
amazing cast! Can we have another round of applause for these people?
Wow!"
There was a crescendo of applause and everyone was smiling.
"The reason that I'm really here tonight is to congratulate two of
these amazing actors. Rose? Ed? Would you come forward."
The crowd applauded again.
"You see, these two talented individuals were just cast in my new TV
show, 'Civil Disobedience,' which will air on ABC starting in
November. Ed, here, will play my partner on the police force and Rose,
here, will be playing my oldest child."
"So, come Sunday morning, these two will be flying to Los Angeles with
me to begin shooting the series, but they'll be back next weekend to
perform 'The Taming Of The Shrew' at..." he partially covered the mic
and turned to Rose and asked where they were performing next weekend.
She answered and he continued, "... at 'The Heritage Museum' in
Sandwich. I hope you'll all come see them again at that venue and, of
course, they'll be here again tomorrow night for one more performance
in Brewster. And don't forget to watch 'Civil Disobedience' on ABC
starting late this fall. Alright, everyone, have a great night! Drive
safely!"
The crowd went crazy with enthusiasm. Ed stole a sideways glance at
John who was, obviously, in shock that they'd be leaving so soon and
they hadn't told him about it. When their eyes met, Ed shrugged and
looked a little sad and a little guilty - but only a little. The
excitement of going to LA was too much to ignore.
Then Don Ferry shook hands with Ed and gave Rose a peck on the cheek,
in both cases saying, "A car will pick you up at seven on Sunday
morning."
As John headed for the wings, Don Ferry grabbed his arm and turned
him, pulling him into a huge hug leaving his beautiful skirts
flailing. Then he spoke softly into John's ear, "I'm so sorry, honey.
We all know that you read the best, but you have to understand that
ABC is owned by Disney and, even though they're very progressive with
their employees, having a boy playing a completely female role on a
weekly TV series is a challenge they're not quite ready to take on,
yet. I'm sorry."
John was a bit surprised that he even acknowledged him, let alone that
he'd say something like this. "Couldn't I play the role as a boy?"
John asked a bit desperately.
The actor smiled down at him, paternally, "Sweetheart, you just
weren't as good as a boy. I'm sorry, but that's the truth of the
situation. If it's between you and another boy who's already got a
following, they're going to go with a known money maker. It's just the
way the business works."
John nodded and attempted to smile, he gave Don a kiss on the cheek
and a 'thank you' before completing his exit.
Rose and Ed were waiting at the foot of the stairs. Ed offered a hand,
but John used the railing instead.
When he reached the ground, they heard Julia raving about the costumes
to Janice. "Oh, and that blue plaid dress you put him in, Oh, my God,
it was beautiful. Oh, here he comes, now! Bianca, you are just
precious in that! Congratulations, darling, you were marvelous!"
John smiled and waved an acknowledgement of the compliment as they all
headed for the dressing areas.
"So... Sunday?" John finally said.
"Oh, Beebs." Rose rubbed his shoulder and tried to pull him into a
hug, but John kept moving forward. "We only found out about an hour
before call. I was planning on telling you right after the show, but I
didn't get the chance..."
"Seriously, John," Ed said, "I was going to tell you the minute we got
off stage. When I saw Don... well, I couldn't believe it. I'm wicked
sorry. I didn't want you to find out this way."
"No need to apologize just because you guys are successful and I'm
not. I'll just miss you guys, is all. I thought we had all summer and
I really hoped that we'd all go to LA to be on that show together,
but... damn, what a jerk I'm being. I'm sorry, guys. Congratulations.
I just... I just need to change..."
As he headed into the changing area, Rose asked, "What did Don say to
you?"
John turned and said, "He said that I wasn't good enough to get the
role as a boy and, even though I was very good as a girl, ABC is owned
by Disney and they're not prepared to cast a freaky little sissy in a
dress to play a girl's role. So - essentially, I suck at being a guy,
which, of course, everyone already knew."
He sulked away to change.
"Shit, shit, shit," Ed whispered. "Rose, I never would have done this
except I like hanging with John - and now, you - but this is all so
unfair. He should be going with us."
Rose shook her head sadly. "It's a business, Ed. Just a business and
it seems like they made their decisions based on business instead of
talent. Either we do it or we don't and if we do it, maybe we can find
him some work, you know? Maybe even get him into a small part on the
show."
From a short distance away, they heard the voice of Don Ferry calling
Rose's name. She turned and saw the TV star walking towards her with
one arm around Rose's mom and the other around her dad. "Look who I
found," he called as he smiled. "I offered to take them out to dinner.
You and Ed, too, unless you'd rather chill with your cast mates."
"What? Are you kidding?" she stammered. "Just give me five minutes to
change!"
"How about you, Ed? Are your folks here, too?"
"No, sir, Mr Ferry...." Ed began.
"Uh, Uh, Uh!" The actor interrupted.
"Sorry... Don... but I'd love to join you, too, if that's ok?"
"Excellent, and little Bianca, too, if she'd like."
They both ran to change. Rose found John, already back in his little
shift dress, headed out to see Cassie and Annie. "Bebe!" She stopped
him in his tracks. "Don invited all of us to dinner. You, me, Ed, my
folks! I bet he'd spring for Marilyn and Nancy, too. What do you say?"
He shrugged, "Nah, I don't think so. I'd just be a fifth wheel. I'll
thank him on the way to see the girls. I'll get a ride home with my
mom, or something. Have fun."
"Johnny, please...!" But he was already out the door.
"I don't believe it! Don Ferry just kissed you. He did it on the stage
and he did it again just now! He actually kissed you!" Annie was very
star struck and over tired to the point of giddiness. "You actually
know a star! That's the coolest thing I ever heard of!"
John was giggling. Why did these girls always make him so happy!? "I
don't know him. I auditioned with Ed and Rose, but I didn't get a
part. He's just being nice."
"Can we meet him?"
"Annie, stop," Cassie was getting a tad irked with her sister. "Bebe,
you were SO GOOD! I can't believe that they didn't take you on that
show. You KILLED this play. You were so, so, so, 'f-ing' good!
Congratulations!"
They all hugged and bounced, "Aww, thanks guys. And thanks for coming.
It really meant a lot to me."
"Maybe they can see another performance before the summer's over."
Marilyn appeared out of the crowd. She was smiling and seemed very
happy with the play. "But if you do, you make darned sure that your
mom sends me a text so I know you're coming and you guys will come to
our house for dinner. Deal?"
"Deal!" the sisters said in unison.
Nancy joined them and said to the girls, "Well, girls, what did you
think of my little sister? Wasn't she great?"
The girls agreed, but John was left wondering what Nancy's angle was.
"Cassie! Annie! Let's go! It's late! We need to get to the fireworks!"
a man called from farther down the walkway.
"Coming, Dad!" they called. "Sorry, we have to go. Bebe, you were
awesome! I'll text your mom, or something... gotta run! Love you!"
"Love you, too!" John called as he waved to them.
"You were WONDERFUL, sweetheart." Marilyn hugged his head to her
breast. I have seen at least seven or eight productions of this show
and I have never seen a Bianca who dominated the stage like you did!
Congratulations, honey!"
"You really were incredible, Johnny," Nancy confirmed. "I'm blown
away, if I didn't know you were my brother, I never would have
suspected that you were a guy."
"I guess this makes it all worth while, huh?" Marilyn beamed.
He shrugged. "I guess. Mom, can you give me a ride home?"
Marilyn's smile shrank a bit. "Well, yes, of course you can, honey,
but don't you want to go out with your friends? I heard that there was
going to be a bonfire on the beach tonight."
Another shrug. "Ed and Rose are going to dinner with Don Ferry."
"And they didn't invite you?" Nancy seemed peeved.
"No, they invited me, I just... I'd just be in the way and Rose's mom
and dad - I don't know what they know, so I think I'd just rather go
home."
"Oh, ok, honey, if you're sure..."
"I'm sure, mom, and could I, maybe, not talk about it?"
"Sure, baby. Let's go."
The ride home was lonely. Sitting alone in the backseat of his mom's
minivan seemed extremely childish under the circumstances. A car seat
wouldn't have seemed out of place at the moment. He wasn't mad or
irritated at all. He just felt sad and left out.
"I can't believe how good this production was, Johnny," Nancy offered,
seemly trying to both make him feel better and make amends for
previous conflicts.
"Thanks, Nan," John replied as he watched the dark scenery out his
window. The fireworks in Brewster could be seen popping up over the
trees in the distance from time to time.
The quiet continued.
"I saw that Mr Ferry spoke to you," Marilyn said as she glanced at him
in the rear view mirror. "Did he say anything encouraging?"
"Kinda. He said that it was just business and that I was really good
at the audition."
"Well, that's nice," Marilyn said, looking at Nancy to get her to keep
the momentum going.
"That's great, Johnny. He wouldn't have said that if it weren't true."
"I suppose," John nodded.
The silence continued.
"He also said that I was better as Bebe than as John."
Neither Nancy nor Marilyn could think of a replay to that.
Eventually, "Well, honey..." Marilyn searched for the words, "... you
created Bebe, so, in a sense, that was a great compliment."
"Ok, mom," he knew she meant well, but there wasn't much of a silver
lining to be found right now. "Regardless, my best friends are going
to LA without me in about thirty six hours and I'm going to be
twiddling my thumbs and wearing dresses until the summer is over. You
guys were right; I'm just a fuck-up."
"John!" Marilyn said in shock. "I never, not once in my entire life,
said anything like that!"
"Me neither!" said Nancy.
"Yeah, but you implied it. I gave up everything for this role, mom.
Like you said, I'm not even a man anymore. I'm just a boy who likes
looking like a little girl. Even Nancy said I should go to jail."
Nancy let out a frustrated grunt. "John, I did NOT say that. I said
that I was concerned that, if those little girls' parents found out...
oh, what's the use. You're in a foul mood and you'll just twist
whatever I say to make me look like the bad guy. Have it your way."
"Nancy, please," Marilyn said quietly, knowing her daughter's
propensity for drama and her ability to make any issue 'about her.'
"Your brother is having a rough time. Be sympathetic, please."
"Ok. Sorry. Johnny... we love you and you stole that show tonight.
You're a great actor and it will happen for you. I know it will.
Honestly, I thought this acting idea was just a pipe dream until
tonight, but now that I've seen what you can do... You're going to
make it Johnny. I just know that you will."
John was feeling a bit ashamed at having baited his sister as he had.
"Thanks, Nan. Sorry. I'm just... kinda lost at the moment. I'll get
over it. Sorry."
It was not the opening night that John had envisioned. The food-truck
festival was a blast, singing and dancing along with the band was fun,
too. Meeting up with the girls was both exciting and nerve wracking.
In fact, he loved being with them. They were so bright and happy that
a big part of him lamented the fact that he wasn't able to really be a
fourteen year old girl so he could be with them all the time. The show
was incredible, the crowd was great, but everything since then had
just sucked.
It was not even 11:15pm on an opening night and John was in bed. He
knew that he was just feeling sorry for himself, but there wasn't a
lot more he could do. He just felt bad.
"Hi, baby." Marilyn peeked into the room. "Can I come in?"
"Sure, mom."
She sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the boy in the virginal-
white nightgown with the lace shoulder straps as he laid in bed. "You
ok, sweetie?"
"I'm ok, mom."
She nodded and thought. "Johnny, I know that this is not the best time
to talk about this, but I need to speak with you about something. So,
please, try not to get mad at me."
"All right."
"Good. Now, over the past two weeks, I have watched you change from
John to Bianca to Bebe back to Bianca, back to Bebe... and I have gone
from being amused to being supportive to being confused, to being
scared to being incredibly proud of you that performance, tonight.
Everything that Ms Weldon, Rita, Rose and Ed have been telling me is
true: you are one of the most talented people I have ever seen."
"Thanks, mom, but you don't have to try to make me feel better."
"That's not what I'm doing, John. I'm not done. Throughout all of
this, I have been fascinated by how well you've adapted to being so
much younger and to being a girl. Not only did you become a little
girl, though, Johnny, you have thrived as a little girl. Everybody
loves you this way. It's unbelievable. I never would have thought that
this kind of transformation was possible, but I watched it happen with
my own eyes. So, I have a few questions. May I ask them?"
"Ok."
"Do you like being a girl?"
"Well, yes, mom, I do, I guess, but I liked being a guy, too. Being a
girl is kinda new and exciting for me, you know? The clothes and the
makeup and the way people treat me as Bebe... it's entirely different
than being a guy. There's a part of me that finds it all a little
exciting and fun, but there's a big part of me that finds it all -
every bit of it - right."
"Uh, huh. And if you had to choose, would you choose to be a boy or a
girl?"
"I don't know, mom. I still like girls... I guess I wish I could be
kind of how I am. A guy and a girl at the same time."
"So, you don't want to have your... parts... removed."
"No, mom. I'd really like to keep that. I kinda like it."
Both of them gave nervous giggles at that remark.
"And what about your boobs? Do you want to keep those?"
"Oh, boy... that is a big question. If I have to be honest, mom, I'm
really fascinated by them. I love having them, but I wish they were
real so I could feel them, you know? I'm sorry. I know that makes me
seem weird, but that's the truth."
"Why would that be weird? I like my boobs. Why shouldn't you like
yours."
That made some sense.
"Ok," Marilyn smiled as supportively as she could, "So we agree that
you're at least considering making some changes to your body, right?"
"Well, fantasizing more than considering, but, yes."
"Ok, good. Now, sweetie, do you think that, under these circumstances,
we could, maybe schedule an appointment with a gender councilor? You
know, a therapist who's had some experience with these things so that
you can get some guidance to figure all this out?"
John thought for a few moments. He wasn't necessarily opposed to
seeing a therapist, but was it really necessary, now. Maybe - maybe
not, but his mother was obviously concerned, so why not help her ease
her mind. "Ok, mom. I'll look for doctors online tomorrow and we can
talk about it after that. Is that ok?"
"That's perfect, sweetie. Thank you." She smiled at him and he smiled
back. It was an innocent, feminine smile that belonged to a little
girl. "You make a beautiful child, baby."
"Thanks, mom. You make a beautiful woman. I hope that I'm half the
woman you are someday."
Her first reaction was to be flattered, but then she realized that
John was being funny. He was talking about being a woman on top and a
man on the bottom. 'Half the woman...'
John giggled at her realization.
"Oh, you!" She laughed and hugged her pretty little son.