Neuron Transfer
A Novelette
By Maryanne Peters
When I died I was John Pierpont Morgan Backhouse. I was a successful
businessman, although not as successful as my namesake. I was a
father, but not a good one. I was a husband - definitely a bad one.
In short, I was an asshole.
The name was a gift from my father in anticipation of a stellar career
on Wall Street. He worked for a large broking house, in a senior
position that in his day could be attained and held. After a brief
apprenticeship I needed to start my own investment banking firm. -
Backhouse & Weiss. It was moderately successful, and I became wealthy
- more wealthy than my father.
I married the attractive and stylish Dianna who did her best to spend
my money. We had two children, Bartholomew and Isabella (pretentious
names - my wife chose them) now grown into spoilt adulthood. They also
enjoyed my money.
I was also a man of appetites. I had sex with numerous women other
than my wife (although we remained steadfastly married for 30 years),
and I ate and drank to excess. I had always had a problem with weight
and it got worse with age and the accretion of excess food and drink.
I became diabetic. I had one then two heart attacks. Paradoxically it
was a car accident that finally terminated my body. But I never lost
an extremely active, acquisitive and fertile mind.
That mind refused to die.
That is my explanation for why I awoke. I could see that I was in an
operating theatre. There were people about me as if I had been woken
in the middle of an operation. That is exactly what had happened. I
needed to be sedated with gas as I was already thrashing about. Doctor
Metz needed to close the wound in my head.
He told me after I was removed to the recovery ward, that he was
surprised at the speed of my reaction to the introduction of active
cells to my brain. He did his best to explain but what he was saying
made no sense to me. He was talking about messing with my brain when I
knew that the problem was my heart. Or my heart, my liver, my lungs,
my gut. They were all diseased. My brain was the only healthy organ I
possessed.
Dr Metz explained that he was (and is) a neurologist at the frontier of
research. He had pioneered surgical intervention into the depths of
the brain. He had been responsible for the use of stem cells to
promote regrowth of damaged brain cells. He was the first to perform
active neuron transplant - the transplantation of active brain cells
from a compatible donor to the apparently healthy but inactive brain of
a comatose patient. The ideal donor was a person with brain cells
highly active even while the body was dead. They had found such a
donor.
He could only be talking about me. If that was true then, was I in
another body? That seemed way too far-fetched. The stuff of science
fiction.
But it only then occurred to me to look. I raised my hand. It was not
my hand. It was a child's hand, or so it seemed to me. Soft and
smooth but with long dainty fingers. It was not the pudgy liver
spotted hands, backed with black hair, that ended the arms of JPM
Backhouse.
I said nothing. I just looked at the hand. Rotating it. Working the
fingers. I could see no other part of me. The covers were up to my
neck.
"I know this is a lot to take in, Virginia," he said.
Virginia? Who is he talking to?
"Your mother will be here soon," he continued. "I am sure that she
will be thrilled to see you conscious."
My mother is long dead. It was starting to become science fiction made
real.
The Doctor examined the top of my head and then said: "You will be
pleased that we only had to shave a small part of your hair for the
craniotomy. We have put the skull plug back and it will fuse, and
stitched up so that your hair is almost untouched. You make like to
wear it up and over these stitches."
I still had no idea what he was talking about, but I suddenly realized
that I was happy to hear that my head had not been shaved. That was
odd, because I was substantially bald and really regarded what hair I
had left as a nuisance.
Then, I recognised the woman who entered my room immediately. It was
my mother: Donna Delevan. I found that I was smiling at her and
reaching out. I needed to touch my mother and feel her warmth.
And yet, if this was my mother, who was Margaret Backhouse? Cultured,
elegant, distant Margaret Backhouse? It was only when Donna smiled and
I remembered laughing with her only just yesterday, or so it seemed.
We had gone together to Maisie's Cut and Curl Salon to have our hair
done. I was going out that night, with my boyfriend Shiloh. These
memories were coming back. The party. Then blackness.
These were the memories of somebody else. These were the memories of
the body I now occupied. Virginia Delevan. I looked at my hand again.
I looked down the bed and I could see that the body beneath the sheets
was slim. The total opposite of the corpulent JPM Backhouse.
It seemed so unbelievable that the only explanation that I could think
of was that it was a dream. A complex and very vivid dream, but at
least that would mean that I was alive.
"Are you OK now, sweetie," she said to me, looking at me with moist
eyes. I knew that, even though she was a stupid slut whom I had never
been able to communicate with, I loved her in my own way. That would
be Virginia's way. Open-hearted and non-judgmental simplicity.
I dug back into these memories to remember who this body belonged to.
My name is Virginia. I am a woman. Barely one - still just a girl. I
have two sisters. The eldest is Montana, not heard from for several
years. The second of my sisters is Florida, pregnant at 15 and now
married to Eddie with two more kids at only 21. As the youngest that
makes me 19.
My mother Donna has remarried and we live in a shithole apartment in
New Jersey. Her new husband is at sea on a container ship. I do not
like him, but I have been staying with her while she was away. When he
was home I spent more time with my boyfriend Shiloh Mackie. Shiloh and
I did drugs together. That was Virginia's last memory.
And yet JPM's memories were there too. It seemed all of them were,
even though at that point I had not fully tested them. I was checking
through them, almost as if it were a filing cabinet. Memories of my
life of wealth, and privilege, and excess.
"How long have I been unconscious?" It was a voice coming out of me,
but not mine. It was her voice.
"A few weeks," said Dr Metz. "We have maintained physiotherapy so your
muscles should still be OK, but you may be unsteady, so don't try to
jump out of bed."
"How many cells were put in my brain, Doctor?" I asked. I could see
that he was surprised by the question. My mother was surprised too.
"Well, a little more than we had planned, in fact," said the Doctor.
"About 100 grams or about 10% of your total brain mass. We were going
to use only 10 grams just to 'kick start' your mind as it were, but we
used more in the end. It seems to have worked. I have to say that
before we did this, you were basically given up for dead. You really
are very lucky."
A nurse gave me water, so that I could ask: "Who was the donor,
Doctor?" I could see that Donna was now very puzzled. It was another
strange question coming from the mouth of her daughter, someone that I
now understood to be of limited intellect.
"Well, that shouldn't concern you at this time. You can reach out to
the donor's family to thank them for the gift of tissue, and to send
condolences as the donor is dead. Let's say at this time somebody
whose body was totally destroyed but whose brain remained active enough
to rekindle yours. Can you understand that?"
"Completely," I said. And with that very JPM-like phrase, it was clear
that Donna could detect that something was different in her daughter.
100 grams, say 3? ounces of brain tissue is surely not so much. How
could so much of JPM have survived in this girl's head? I had been
plumbing the depths of my memory. To me it seemed all there, but of
course how could I remember things that were no longer in my memory.
What was clear is that whenever I followed a train of thought there
were no obvious gaps.
What was clear was that my memory was rich in the experience of JPM
Backhouse. These cells were not just a kick start, they had invaded
Virginia's barren brain.
From the day after I came to, I was to be subjected to psychometric
evaluation. Basically Virginia was asked a series of questions. I
understood what it was all about. Checking memory and brain function.
I had to make a decision about how much I could say. Should I tell
everybody that the brain of JPM Backhouse is alive and living in this
girl's body? What would be their reaction? Surely disbelief - I did
not believe it myself. And even if I could prove it (which I probably
could) can I become him? Can I walk back into his life and demand his
business and his home? It could never happen. He was dead and buried.
And of course his family would probably be happy that he was. They
would be picking over the estate at that very moment.
Better to stay silent and assess the situation.
But first I needed to look at myself.
The physiotherapist arrived to help me get back on my feet. She pulled
away the covers and I could see that there were the mounds of two
breasts under my hospital gown. There was a catheter running into the
crotch to a bag hanging from the bed, which she drew out. I could feel
the tube pass out from urethra. A woman's crotch. It was anatomy that
was foreign to me, but it was mine.
She helped me to my feet. She had a walking frame should I need it,
but I waved it away even though my legs were weak. I wanted to walk to
the bathroom. I wanted to look in a mirror.
Virginia was pretty. Blond hair down to the shoulders, a little
shapeless from an extended period in bed, large green eyes, a small but
full mouth, nice little nose. Visible beneath the robe good sized
breasts, hips not too wide, a round but not oversized bottom. The skin
was a little pallid, as would be expected from someone coming out of a
coma.
JPM would have looked upon such a creature with lust. But of course,
it was me. This was going to be strange.
Equally strange was the first time sitting to pee. What could be more
natural than for that flow to come from me, but what it made clear was
that this body was totally alien to me. But I knew what to do - I
wiped with a tissue. But then I needed to examine myself. I needed to
understand this body.
I parted my labia with two fingers and probed. I smelt my juices. I
tickled my clitoris and felt the electricity. I put two fingers in as
far as they would go and felt inside myself. It was, in a word, weird.
Somebody in my position can appreciate that penises are not pretty.
Scrotums even less so. And JPM had an annoyingly itchy scrotum. That
was now gone. There was something wonderfully snug about my new groin.
Smooth lines with no protuberances. I should have missed the organ
that every man defines himself by, but strangely this seemed so much
tidier.
The rest of my body too. How pleasing it looked. How unblemished.
How healthy. And a flat stomach. Fleshy but flat. After a lifetime
of carrying around a pot belly I had a flat stomach. Could I keep it?
I made a promise then and there that this body would be respected and
cared for.
I had been given a new lease on life - a second chance.
But there was also the feeling that I had stolen this girl's life. I
did not know then that her life was shit and barely worth having,
because her view of her own life was from her eyes, not so bad. At
that time, I may have actually felt a little guilty. I have to say
that this was not a feeling that I was comfortable with. Perhaps some
emotions were Virginia's rather than JPM's. How much of her was there
in the new me?
Could this girl be a fundamentally good person? I was not that kind of
person. How could I even recognize these thoughts?
The other thing that I had to consider was how was I going to live this
second life. Was I now a man in a woman's body? Should I shave off my
hair and call myself Virgil? Or should I just run with this? That
seemed the better option. I seemed to be equipped. My mannerisms were
not masculine. The body seemed to run itself as a woman. She could
handle the motor functions so long as I had the brain.
I gave some thought to Dianna, Bart and Bella - what were they doing
now. Fighting over my fortune, with barely a thought for me, still
warm in the grave. I knew them. They were like me. I should have
smiled at that thought, but now that did not seem at all amusing.
I had some time to work on my recovery - to build some strength.
Dr Metz came back to check progress after a few days.
"How is all this being paid for?" I asked him.
"This is an experimental procedure," he replied. "Your mother
consented on the basis that your operation and all post-op care comes
out of the research budget. You pay for nothing."
"Can you tell me about the donor?" I asked Dr Metz on one of his
rounds.
"Well we can advise the family of your interest in learning more but we
do not give information without their consent," he explained. And I
wondered whether I really needed to know.
"Can I ask you, doctor - could I have absorbed the donor's memories?"
"Well, we do not fully understand the functions of the human brain, my
dear." JPM would have been furious to have been talked down to in that
fashion, but I found it curiously comforting somehow. "What we have
done is to introduce active tissue that, if I can put it simply for
you, is charged with the electricity that makes a brain function. I
think it very unlikely that any memories would have passed across. Is
there something that you can refer me to?"
"I have recollection of a lady's face and the name Dianna." - I
deliberately understated things to draw a reaction.
"Oh indeed, this is most interesting," he said, clearly a little taken
aback. "This name is relevant to the donor. We shall need to run some
tests."
This was not the result I was looking for. I did not want to be the
object of further study. I wanted out of that hospital. I had to wave
away a photo of my wife and invent a friend of the same name from
Virginia's past to throw him off. I decided that the best course was
to keep these memories to myself and to use them to my advantage.
How many times has it been said "If only I could start my life again
knowing what I know now." It occurred to me that this was the position
that I was in. I needed to get out and live that life.
On the day of discharge Donna came in to help me get ready. She
brushed my hair up and pinned it in a high bun which concealed the
stubbly patch of my craniotomy. She gave me what had been my makeup
bag. I knew exactly what to do - I expertly applied color, mascara and
lipstick. It was a case of letting Virginia do what she could do. But
then I stopped - it occurred to me that Virginia would have gone on to
add eye shadow and lip liner to render the slutty look that she had
worn in the past. JPM had modified Virginia, just a little. JPM's
idea of how a woman should look was ... well, a little more refined.
Donna had brought me some underwear from Virginia's drawers. It was a
bra and panties in black lace, but cheap. From a chain store. I
recognised them as her favourites. Dianna would not have been seen
dead in them. I also noticed that they did not match. JPM may have
been too fat to be in style but he never went out with socks that did
not match. The lace pattern was close but it was not a match. Even
before I put it on I was uncomfortable with that fact. But when I put
the bra on the discomfort was real. Virginia favored it because it
pushed the breasts up and together, but even I could see that it did
this by not fitting properly.
"Ma, I need to get some new underwear."
"Hon, we're not made of money. It has cost heaps coming to the
hospital every day and with all of the time off we are almost broke.
You have heaps of stuff and you will have to make do. I am not pushing
you out to work but when there is more money coming in we can look at
things."
The floral dress was also a little worn, but it was clean and
comfortable and really a good choice - thinking about what I recalled
of Virginia's wardrobe it was a good call. But then Donna held up
boots and sandals - neither to my newly refined taste.
"You choose," Donna said.
I knew that Virginia would often wear the clunky boots with this
otherwise wonderfully feminine dress, and that Donna knew that.
"Mom, I would wear the boots, but I feel that the sandals would go best
with the flash updo you've done on me." She laughed, but again I could
see that she knew that I was somehow different.
The sandals had high 4 inch heels, but I found that I walked in them
easily. As I stepped out into the sun with my heels clicking on the
stone tiles and my dress swishing I said to my mother, "I really need
to shave my legs."
We took the train home.
In Virginia's memory home had seemed not a bad place - it was warm and
full of familiar things. It was refuge from violent men and mean
women. It was as if her memories of this place were rose tinted.
All that I as JPM could see, was the filth and the poverty. The truth
is that JPM had never seen how the poor lived. The kitchen was a mess
- disgusting with dirty pots and a fridge full of half eaten morsels of
bad food, some weeks old.
One thing that I had decided was that I would not eat Virginia into a
ball of fat. I knew what good food was and I was keen to eat some, but
I was going to do it right this time. When Donna offered me some fried
chicken I politely declined.
"After weeks in a hospital I think I must have picked up a clean bug,
Mom. You get on to work tonight and I'll clean up," I told her. I put
on a frilly apron that made me feel orderly already, and I surveyed the
scene.
JPM Backhouse had always prided himself as a man who could roll his
sleeves up and get on with things. The truth is that this meant that
he could go on site, direct people, delegate, blame others and
generally be his usual overbearing self. The new me had the streak of
fastidiousness but now no resources to satisfy the need. It had to be
me now. I found myself with rubber gloves on, scrubbing - something
neither JPM (nor Virginia for that matter) had ever done. At the end
of it the only thing I could think of was how could I explain it to
Donna. It was out of character for Virginia. The kitchen and living
room were tidy and clean.
I decided to move on to the bathroom, including a warm bath - a chance
to do those legs.
I was getting out of the bath when there was a knock on the door. I
called out to wait and threw a towel around me. I pulled the door open
but kept the chain on. It was Shiloh.
I knew this man. He was the man who had killed me. He had put me on
drugs. He had abused me, mentally and physically. Then he had killed
me by giving me too much or too rich a mixture. There was no other
word for it that killing. For Virginia was nothing more than the shell
I lived in, now clean of drugs from the time I had spent in hospital.
"Hey baby. I heard you were out," he slimed. "Wow, you look great. I
can't wait to hold you close."
I let him in. Am I crazy? Why would I do that? Virginia let him in.
I let my guard down and she gave in. Maybe she was still alive -
stupid cow! Again, it was time to take control.
He put his arms around me and I looked up at him. His breath smelt of
cigarettes. It reminded me that I had smoked, JPM and Virginia both,
but now I didn't. I was clean of that too. It had destroyed JPM's
lungs. I would never do that again.
And I would certainly not let this man back into her life. I was
determined to hate him but as I looked in his eyes a very strange
feeling came over me. It was a feeling in my ... not quite in my groin
but not in my guts either. It was unmistakably sexual. I wanted this
man.
This established one thing very clearly, whatever JPM might think, this
body was driven by female urges. I would take a man inside me, right
up to the hilt. It was just that this man was the wrong man. The
girl's standards would need to be lifted, considerably.
He lowered his face to kiss me, but I turned away. He breathed in my
ear and the feeling came back. It would need more concentration to
deal with this.
"Things have changed Shiloh," I said - oh how true was that!
He was shocked, and then annoyed.
"What's up with you ...?" Maybe he was going to say "bitch" but he
held himself back. "OK girl. You is just out of hospital. It can
wait. I'll be back tomorrow night. I got shit to do tonight any
case."
As he left I resolved that I would see this man suffer or die, or both.
He was scum. Not the business scum that JPM was used to dealing with,
but physical low life scum.
As I slept in Virginias pink frilled bed that night, I contemplated how
JPM Backhouse could return.
The following day I opened the morning paper and, checking over my
shoulder that I was not being watched, I turned straight to the
business pages. Nordstrom Electronics was still at 83 cents. If only
... I needed some money. I needed some of my money.
There was the safe deposit box at the First City Bank that nobody knew
about. It was supposed to hold the grab bag. I told myself that it
was ransom money - $300,000 in cash for any of my family kidnapped. Or
a $300,000 if I needed to leave town in a hurry. But the truth of it
is that the banker in me could not see so much cash sit without
earning. Still, there was some cash and a few other items of interest.
The key was marked with a label "Workshop" and in the top draw of my
desk. Nobody would connect it with the box. There was a box number
and a security number committed to memory - I wrote them down on the
newspaper, just below the cryptic crossword that I had just completed.
I tore them both off the paper - both were inexplicable to Donna.
I needed to get into the office of Backhouse & Weiss, to get that key.
My purse was in my dresser. $17.60. An ID card. A cash card - no
money in that account as I recall. Some receipts. A photo of Virginia
and Shiloh. Two condoms. Nothing of any use. I threw in a lipstick
and mascara, and a little bottle of Anais Anais perfume, which I knew
to be the only scent of any class on the dressing table.
What about a letter of introduction from JPM. Could that get me in the
front door? There seemed to be no writing paper in this house. That
would make sense - Donna was barely literate. And then when I did
write on blank spaces on old bills, I found that my hand did a loopy
feminine scrawl. I needed to carefully reconstruct JPM's handwriting.
Yes, I could do it, and his signature too. With a little effort -
perfectly.
There was a mobile phone on the dresser. I knew the number. No credit
left but it could receive calls. No battery - put it on charge.
The wardrobe was full of rubbish. I knew what a woman needed to wear
to get into the offices of Backhouse & Weiss. God, I basically set the
dress code! I knew taste when I saw it, and there was none in this
house. One pair of shoes had potential but they were silver and would
need to be re-coloured black. I found some shoe colour under the sink
and did that. I could get away with cheap underwear.
I showered and washed my hair. I let her do that. She knew her way
around hair care, the styling brush and the blow drier. I then took
some time putting it back up, this time in a simple but sleek French
twist. I also found some nail polish and applied it, being careful to
ensure that my nails were even, although they were not that long. I
was good at all of this. She knew what she was doing.
"Ma, I'm going out for a walk. To stretch these muscles a bit more," I
called out. I wore jeans and a button top (I did not want to pull it
off over my carefully constructed hairdo) with sneakers. I carried the
newly blackened shoes and my purse (also black and tolerably
presentable with a little of the shoe color applied in places) in a
backpack. I needed to act immediately.
I caught the subway into the city ($6.00) and went first to the offices
of my attorneys Chatsworth and Faye. "I'm just waiting for my dad to
come out of a meeting" I explained to the receptionist. On the counter
were cards from some of the senior attorneys and I took 4 cards from
the stack for "Miranda Cooper, Senior Counsel." I also asked for a
piece of note paper and a good pen.
I carefully composed my letter, firstly checking the words in
handwriting on the back of the newspaper, and then transferring the
completed draft onto the good paper. It would have been preferable to
have my own private monogram but the Chatsworth and Faye logo in the
top corner gave it moment. I asked to use the toilet and found a
shredder to destroy the newspaper.
"I can't wait any longer," I waved to the receptionist as I exited.
Next stop was the Montmartre Boutique, a place that I knew was
frequented by my wife although it was a little too young for her. I
also knew that Miranda Cooper, who was decided plain and dowdy, would
never set foot in the place. I bustled in with a despairing look on my
face.
"I'm desperate!" I shrieked under my breath to the manageress. "Dianna
Backhouse has recommended you to me - Miranda Cooper, attorney. Take
my card. As you can see I was shifting files today but I need to
attend an important client meeting in 15 minutes. I must have
something to wear. What can you do for me?"
There was rushing around and I found myself with the unexpected problem
of not being able to decide. Before I came in I was just going to
choose whatever they showed me first, but that other person seemed to
emerge and ponder. In fact, the choice boiled down to two tops,
conservative or sexy, and two suits classic or cutting edge. I went
for sexy and edgy, but still in dark colors and fitting the dress code.
When I was approached for payment I said: "Only shoes in my bag I'm
afraid, but I will drop down with my card straight after the meeting -
max 3 hours." The manageress shook her head, but I knew that pleading
was not the answer. "Look, you have my card, I'm just around the
corner, you came highly recommended and I love your stuff. I can
assure you, do me this favour and you'll have plenty of business from
me and my clients. I'm running out of time. I know I'm putting you
out and I don't mind paying a premium but my meeting starts in 1 minute
and I have 5 minutes run in heels."
I was released and made a point of putting my shoes on while running
out the door - "I have left my trainers and backpack in the change
room. I'll be back in a few hours."
I slowed to collect myself as soon as I was round the block. I
straightened myself out and checked myself in a reflecting window.
Smart asymmetrical suit, top beneath showing my assets, hair perfect.
Behind me there was a wolf whistle but I did not turn. I smiled and
walked on, my heels clicking on the pavement and the skirt of my suit
moving freely against my bare shaven legs. I need pantyhose, I
thought.
No time. I had reached the Centurion Building which housed the offices
of Backhouse and Weiss. I used the Ladies room on the first floor to
reapply my lipstick and mascara, and to check everything over one last
time. Then I took the elevator to the 16th floor.
"My name is Virginia Delevan and I would like to speak with Jane
Stepney," I explained to Suzy, the pretty but rather stupid girl that I
had hired for reception. Without being asked I said: "It concerns the
personal affairs of the late Mr Backhouse and I will discuss these
details only with Miss Stepney at first instance."
As she buzzed through I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflecting
panel nearby. My God I looked stunning and so totally in control. My
words were delivered with just the right city accent without the poor
white trash Jersey twang that this throat had been used to. I was a
new Virginia Delevan - intelligent, well dressed, sophisticated. It
occurred to me that I had all the tools.
Jane appeared. I had also selected her. She had been my PA but was
now office manager at Backhouse & Weiss. She was blond and slim and
had been more attractive when she started with me, but now was a little
washed out and tired looking. But she was organised and hard working.
I introduced myself again and shook her hand firmly - almost a man's
handshake. I could see her sizing me up, and not being able to. She
understood that I was serious and therefore ushered me into her office
and closed the door.
I handed her the letter and gave her time to read it. She looked up at
me. I leaned forward a little with my hands clasped in my lap. I was
glad of the nail polish. It felt somehow empowering. Jane looked back
down and read the letter again.
"And you can prove that you are this Virginia Delevan?" I handed her
my photo ID from my purse and she examined it closely.
"I have worked for this firm for many years and I have never heard Mr
Backhouse speak of you," said Jane.
"Well, I have you at a disadvantage there," I observed, "because I know
all about you. I selected the personal item that JPM gave you for your
birthday this year. I could only do that with sufficient knowledge of
your likes and dislikes. But JPM valued you above everybody here."
Jane blushed and I knew I had hit the mark.
"I am not here to cause any trouble," I explained. "All I want is a
couple of personal items from JPM's office, and the job interview that
he promised me. Clearly, and unfortunately for me, he will not be
interviewing me, but I will stand or fall on my CV and my ability."
"His family have been through his office," said Jane. "If you can tell
me what you are looking for it would help."
"Only a few items. There are some cards I sent. There is a maglite I
sent him in a black box. He has my CV and a folder with all of the
original documents that he copied for me. And there is the key to my
apartment - marked 'workshop'."
"Come with me if you like." She led me to my office. Curiously the
door was locked. When we entered I remember thinking that it was so
much bigger, or was it that I was smaller? Some paintings had gone
from the walls - something I commented on to Jane.
"Bart took them."
"That little ass wipe," I spat. I knew that Jane hated my son and we
could bond upon this also.
But Jane was still checking. "I have found the maglite," she said.
"There is an engraving - what does it say?" she asked. She was still
checking on me.
"To find your way back when you have lost your way. A gift from me to
him."
She seemed satisfied and handed it over. Of course, it was a gift from
old mistress, only recently received. But I knew that there were no
initials or any indication where it came from.
"Here is the key, but I cannot find the papers." I dropped the key in
my purse without interest, but looked concerned about the missing cards
and CV (which of course, did not exist). "Come and have look if you
like."
"He put them here with his personal papers," I said. "Now there is
nothing here at all! They were all the original documents supporting
my CV." She was believing my mock distress.
"You're right. This drawer was locked and full of private stuff. His
family came in and shredded it all. His wife looked at some of it. She
was not happy I can tell you." Jane was warming to me.
"He treated her pretty badly I guess," I said, although I really didn't
believe that. She had her own liaisons, and had been cold towards me
for years. A man needs the attentions of a woman. "Tell me Jane ...
can I call you Jane? ... what did you really think of JPM Backhouse?"
"I thought he was an arrogant shit," she said to my surprise. But then
to my delight she added, "But I liked him. He lived life to the max.
He walked over a lot of people, me included, but I could not dislike
him."
That was why I had ensured that Virginia should talk to her. The best
JPM Backhouse could find was one person in that office who did not hate
him. I was right about her, and that was pleasing. Less so the
"arrogant shit" remark. But that was forgivable. It was probably
accurate.
"Jane, I think we are going to be friends." I smiled at her and she
smiled back. I knew then that my smile could work on women as well as
it could on men.
"Why would you want to work here?" she asked, without expecting an
answer.
When I was out of the office I took the key from my bag and clenched a
fist around it. Now I was back on track. I was about to flag a cab to
head for the First City Bank, but I realised that I still had no money
- or rather $11.60 only. For the first time in my life I caught a bus
- $2.75. I sat opposite a man who ogled and leered at me for the whole
five blocks. A most unpleasant experience but better than covering the
distance in heels.
I used another one of Miranda's business cards and waved the key. I
was not sure if the attendant would check to see whether the box was
registered in the name of JPM Backhouse (deceased) and I am not sure
that he did when he had me sign the book. I was led to the box and
once extracted I was given a private space to check the contents.
There was cash, mostly dollars but also some foreign currency, too much
to fit in my purse. I would need a bag.
There was a pair of diamond studs bought for some woman and never given
- perfect for me. But the holes in my ears had closed while I slept
(there had been many holes) - I would need to have them re-pierced, but
in one spot only, on each ear.
There was an address book and a small book of photos of some other
woman once loved - into the bin. A man's memories no longer relevant
to this woman. This woman in the suit with diamond jewellery and a wad
of cash had no time for such sentimentality. She was on the way up.
At the bottom of the box was the black purse folder with a further
treasure - a collection of documents - all the dirt on anybody I could
dig the dirt on. Dirt on my partner Adam Weiss, dirt on my
competitors, my bank manager Sidney Curlew (Bentley Bros not First
City), my lawyer (Carson McGill not Miranda), even my son, and my late
father (no use now). The folder was large enough to put most of the
cash in, and the rest slipped in to my purse. It would do for now.
On the way out I smiled at the attendant and could see that it meant
more to him that a $20 tip. I caught a cab back to Montmartre and paid
for the suit in cash. I also bought another couple of items for a more
casual look. I spent over $2,000 and it felt good. The assistants
fussed over me and called out for my return business on the way out. I
had retrieved the backpack and trainers and threw them in the first
trashcan on the street.
I stopped at the Prada shop to buy a ladies briefcase to better carry
my riches, and I also bought a much better pair of shoes, but decided
to keep what I had on. Prada was not far from a brokerage firm that I
was familiar with and I called in to open a cash account.
The receptionist was on a call, but as I waited a good looking young
man made a move in my direction: "Mark Davis." He held out his hand.
"Perhaps I could be of assistance?" The look in his eye was more
flirtatious than lecherous, and I decided to take up the offer.
"Are you a sharebroker?" I asked. "I have some money that I would like
to invest on the sharemarket. I have been studying things for a while
and I feel I am ready to invest."
"It's a good thing to study things first," he said, steering me to an
interview room. "How much were you planning on investing."
I pulled one bundle from my briefcase. "$20,000.00," I said, watching
his eyes widen.
"Well that is certainly a large sum. I feel that I should counsel you
that the sharemarket is highly speculative and a lot of skill is needed
to manage a portfolio."
"Oh no," I said, "I'm only buying one stock - Nordstrom Electronics.
I'm hoping that there will be a good profit when their new miniwave
technology comes on."
I could see him wondering if I was an insider - or if not, how I had
come into this information. He was smart, and somehow that made him
suddenly attractive to me. "I feel I should ask whether you are
investing this money for somebody else," he said.
"I got this money from a rich uncle who advised me to invest it in the
sharemarket if I could invest it wisely. That's what I am doing." I
was true to this extent: For me JPM Backhouse was my rich uncle,
somehow not part of me but looking over me. It was his idea but my
choice. "Do you think Nordstrom is a good investment," I quizzed him
with my head tilted girlishly.
He went to the computer screen nearby. "Well it looks like the price
has fallen since closing yesterday - 80 cents. Yes, there is reference
to the "miniwave" technology - an announcement some weeks ago. But I
am not sure what that is. It looks very technical."
He called in an accounts person to collect the cash and opened an
account. I had to give Donna's address - my address. I could see that
he was surprised, and a little disappointed - I had dropped a few
classes. "I'm staying with relatives," I explained, "just until I find
an apartment in the city."
"Perhaps I can help you with that," he said. "Perhaps we could meet
after work?"
I looked at him and could sense the desire, but it felt clean and good.
There was no lust as there had been with that pig Shiloh. How could
body chemistry be so wrong! "Sure," I said. "I can come back here
around 6 o'clock."
I waited until he had placed the order and then asked whether I could
use the telephone. "I want to make a call to San Francisco," I said,
"it will be very short. Less than a minute." He agreed (I was now a
customer) and gave me privacy.
I called TRB Electronics and asked to speak with the head development
engineer whose name I had memorised. I simply referred him to the
Nordstrom announcement. He had never heard of Nordstrom. They would
soon figure large.
I called at the office of Bentley Bros to open an account.
"Madam, I am not sure that we can help you," said the man at the front
desk, "you see we are a private client bank and don't offer retail
services." I was beginning to get used to be treated this way. No
matter how professional (and attractive) I looked there was no escaping
that I was a very young woman and was likely to look out of place here.
"My uncle had an account here and he was sure you could help." And in
response to the following question: "JPM Backhouse. The late JPM
Backhouse. Just mention to Mr Curlew that I am here and I am from East
Gate Finance." I knew the trigger word.
Sidney Curlew came bustling out of his office with a look of concern.
He stopped when he saw me - disarmed by the appearance of an attractive
young woman. But his eyes narrowed again when he realised the threat.
"So pleased to meet you." He was a consummate slime-ball, but did it
so well. He hustled me into his office and closed the door. In hushed
tones across the table he snarled: "What is this about?"
"Perhaps you thought JPM's death would put an end to this," I said.
"You are lucky that I have the papers. If I didn't they would
certainly have fallen into the wrong hands. But do not worry. The
same arrangement will apply to me. There will be no extortion. Just
open an account. I will deposit the money. The credit line will be
approved, and references available on request."
Sidney fell back in his chair in relief. But the concern reappeared:
"That arrangement has always been acceptable when I was dealing with
JPM, but I don't know you. I don't know whether I can trust you to
keep your end of the bargain."
I gave him a little girl smile that I had seen in the mirror a few
times: "Mr Curlew" (I had always called him Sid and talked down to him,
but things were different now) "I don't know you either, but you seem
like a very nice man" (he was not) "in a very respectable business" (it
was). "I have no desire to upset things for you. I am new to business
and this was just JPM's way of helping me to get started. I understand
that he said he would never give the papers back. I'm not saying that.
In fact, I would like to give them back to you. Once I'm on my feet I
will. Does that help things?" little girl smile again.
Sid moved forward. "May I call you Virginia?"
"I'd be upset if you didn't."
"I will help you, Virginia, but I would prefer to think of it as a
gesture of friendship and mentoring as you start out, rather than
blackmail. If we could do it on that basis you could give me the
letters now."
"Can I think about this Mr Curlew? Let's open the account and collect
a deposit certificate and reference. As I have said I would like to
hand these things over. They don't sit well with me. But I don't want
you to think that I am just a silly girl. I know they are valuable."
I could see the frustration on his face, but he surprised me by
bursting out laughing. I do not think I had ever seen him laugh
before.
"Virginia," he said, "being obliged to you is going to be so much nicer
than being obliged to JPM Backhouse! Why don't you call me Sid?"
I thought that Sidney Curlew was not as bad as JPM had thought. Or was
this the impressionable girl coming out. Anyway, I resolved that my
relationship with Mr Curlew would be a very different one. It occurred
to me that I had the chance to relate to people where JPM had failed
before. Maybe he was just too tough? Another second chance? I should
accept it.
I banked a $20,000 bundle and placed all the clean bundles in a sealed
bag for safe deposit. I kept in my briefcase the broken bundle (about
$18,000) and the dossier.
I called into the cash card bank and put $12,000 onto my card. I put
$1,000 on my cell phone. As I considered my next move, on a whim I
called in to a beauty shop and called up and facial and a new hairdo.
JPM had only rarely set foot in a women's hairdresser before but it all
seemed very familiar to Virginia. She took over to some extent, and I
let her, as I relaxed with ladies' magazines between sequences. When I
walked out only moments before 6:00 pm my face felt fresh, my eye
makeup looked great, and the shiny updo with curls dropping down looked
stunning. I even had my ears re-pierced and some classy drop earrings
inserted. I would keep the diamond studs for later.
I was fashionably late when I arrived at Mark's office. He was in
reception waiting (for me I assumed) and was saying goodbye to some of
his colleagues. His mouth dropped open when he saw me smiling at him.
He introduced me to a couple of other guys as "a new client." I found
myself surrounded by young, handsome and successful men received
admiring looks and generally being the centre of attention. It felt
good.
I was also aware that the two women employees had a very different view
of me - a little hard to track but clearly not positive. I looked at
them and shrugged my shoulders. "How can you work with guys like
this?" I smiled at them. It seemed that this warmed them to me, or a
least a little.
It was not long before it was agreed that we all go to the fashionable
"Iron Bar" nearby. If Mark was expecting a date it was hijacked. I
spent the next three hours being subjected to the most unashamed chat
up lines from Mark and his male colleagues.
Occasionally I would wink at the female colleagues and twice during the
evening we visited the ladies room together. This was also a new
experience for me but one I learned to understand. It was a chance to
talk about just how silly men are in a women-only environment. I had
quickly come to realise that men are silly, and JPM Backhouse too, had
shown all the traits that we now giggled about while fixing our makeup.
I was feeling relaxed and very feminine in this company. I took a
stall and I pulled down my new panties and peed in my new fashion. It
felt good.
I drank champagne and it suddenly occurred to me that after only a few
glasses I was feeling more than a little tipsy. Of course, my body
mass was much smaller and the ability to cope with alcohol much
reduced. I wanted to continue to be seen to enjoy things but I knew
that I could not let myself down. For the first time I started to
think of myself as a lady - a lady of refinement. JPM might be able to
get drunk in the best of company, Virginia never could.
We ate a little at the bar. I was not that hungry but wanted to eat to
measure the alcohol. The food was "sophisticated snack" and it was
good. Things like prawn and ginger won tons, liver with truffle wafer,
olive pastries, food that Virginia would never recognise but that JPM's
advanced palette could appreciate.
It was clear that I moved well in this company, but with the added
spice of youth. These people were young, hungry for life, and perhaps
just that little bit stupid with it. JPM Backhouse would have put them
down, but I was young too, in fact younger than all of them. I was not
like that middle-aged man. These people were like me. For the first
time I began to think that I disliked this man whose brain was in mine.
But I needed to take my leave. I did not want to say where I lived so
I avoided all offers of escort. But I made a point of thanking Mark
for a wonderful evening and kissing him on the cheek. I could see that
I had him in my palm, but I had no intention of using him. It was more
important for me to learn of my new abilities.
Donna did not look around when I came in, as she was glued to the TV
screen. But when she did see me her mouth fell wide open.
"Honey, what are you wearing? What is with that hair? Where did you
get those shoes?" She was in a state of shock.
"Don't fuss Ma," I said, reverting to the New Jersey accent that Donna
expected. "Dr Metz has arranged for me to apply for a job in the city
so I just borrowed some stuff to look good. I can keep it for the
interview in two days' time."
"What kinda job? Whereabouts in the city? You got no skills darling.
What are you supposed to do?"
"Ma, working reception is easy. I just have to look good and talk
nice. I'm working on that. Be happy for me."
"You've changed," she said. She suddenly looked very worried and even
scared. I sat down on the sofa beside her and kicked off my shoes. I
leaned against her put my head of perfumed hair against her shoulder.
"It's like I've woken up and everything is different," I said to her.
"It's like I've been given another chance at life and I don't want to
blow it this time. I know that I've not been a good daughter but I
should be. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused."
I wondered for a moment how much of this was me covering my tracks or
the real feelings of Virginia coming out. It was strangely difficult
to tell. But clearly it moved Donna, whose arms softly cradled me.
"If there's any blame for your life so far, it's on me, baby girl. And
maybe some on that man of yours Shiloh. He came around earlier and
said he would come back."
"I'll stay dressed for him but I'm not going out with him Ma. It's all
over with him."
She stroked my back and we sat on the sofa closely together watching TV
until the door bell sounded.
I put my shoes and stood behind the door as I opened it with the chain
still on.
"Hey baby, where you been? I came over two hours ago. Where were you?
Who was you with?"
"Go away Shiloh," I called from behind the door. "It's late and I'm
tired. We're just going to bed."
"Babe, let me in girl," he whined.
"It's over Shiloh. I've decided. It's over."
"Let me in bitch or I will break this door down." Well, that was a
sudden change of tone. It left me cold with fear. I knew what fear
was but this seemed fear with a harder edge that JPM was used to. I
was small and weak, and the door was not that strong, and only my
mother was there.
"Ma. Call the police," I shouted as I pushed the door against Shiloh's
bulk stopping me from closing it.
"Fuck you!" he said.
"Never again," I responded. "You'll never fuck me again." I kicked
the door and it finally closed. He shouted further abuse for a while
and then he left.
"I'm scared Ma," I said. "I dunno whether I can stay here." I was a
little afraid, but I was more keen to get a place in the city. I could
afford that now. Somewhere inside me I knew that there was love for
this woman, my mother, but I would need to cover that later. In the
morning I went to find a city apartment.
I had cash and a reference from a private bank. I was able to secure a
small 1 bedroom apartment without difficulty. I telephoned my mother
to tell her that I was staying with a friend for a while, but that I
would be back when Shiloh was gone from my life.
"I don't think that's gonna happen," she said. "Only a bullet is gonna
shake off that boy."
But now I had time and space to go through my research, and I could
make the calls I needed to make.
I was then able to turn up to my interview with Backhouse and Weiss. I
was dressed to kill in a power outfit - tailored and with a flash of
red. I sat in the waiting room on the 16th floor of the Centurion
Building until well past the allotted time, until Jane Stepney came to
collect me.
"I am sorry for the delay," she said.
"If it was meant to unsettle me, it has not," I said. She smiled
knowingly.
There across the table was my oleaginous partner Adam Weiss, and my
vain and conceited son, Bartholomew Backhouse. Adam rose to shake my
hand, but Bart remained seated and looked at some papers. He muttered:
"I'm not sure why we are interviewing anybody at the moment."
It was only after that was said that he looked at me. He straightened
in his seat. I recognised that look now. His balls were doing his
thinking. He was looking at my tits. I knew he would, so I had
dressed to allow him to view just enough flesh.
"I understand from Jane that we have lost your CV," said Adam. "I am
not sure how we are supposed to consider you for a position with our
firm without supporting paperwork."
"Well, I hope that the material will turn up, but in the meantime I
propose to prove my worth by performance," I said. "I have been
analysing a stock lately, with one call from you Mr Weiss, I think that
the value could double or better, before close of business."
I knew that this would push his buttons. Adam's problem has always
been that he could not resist a tip, even from a shoeshine boy. I
could see him twitching with anticipation. But there was more to this
plan.
"You cannot be an insider so you will need to buy the stocks now. I
will underwrite your purchase personally. I can prove that I have
capacity to do that. Then after you have bought you make a call that
will trigger a takeover. If you double your money I get a job in your
deal room. What do you say?"
"That would have to be subject to your CV turning up," said Jane. It
was a fair requirement.
"No," I said. "The deal is today. But if when my CV turns up there is
a significant shortcoming, or a basis to refuse to hire me then I will
resign, or be removed. But I want the job if I pull off the deal."
"What do you say, Bart?" asked Adam.
"Huh?" he was still trying to undress me. If he had heard a word I
would be surprised. If he understood any of it I would be amazed. I
was wearing something designed to distract him.
"All right," said Jane. Adam nodded too. She said, "Show us what you
have."
I pulled out my folder and crossed my legs. I could see Bart staring
and hoping that I was not wearing panties. He was an idiot, after all.
"Nordstrom Electronics," I began. "And their target is TRB
Electronics. That company has the key to their technology. That
company has the key to their technology. It is quite technical, but
the numbers are very easy to understand ...."
I always had the dirt on Adam Weiss if he did not hire me. But I did
not need it. Better to save that for another day, should he decide to
cross me. The deal spoke for itself. Within 24 hours they were
richer, and my stake, bought days before for a few cents less, did well
for me. And I had other prospects under consideration.
So now I was working for Backhouse and Weiss. The only problem was
that I had drawn the attentions of my own son - Bart - a rather
unpleasant person.
Fortunately, Mark Davis came to my rescue, although only because I
called him. I told Bart that I was meeting my boyfriend after work,
and he suggested that he should meet him. I knew what was going on, as
many years ago I had been in this position before. He wanted to size
up the competition. Maybe assert himself. It was awkward but
unavoidable. My plan was to show some overt affection for Mark to
throw off Bart. You may call me old fashioned, but the thought of any
kind of intimacy with my own son, I found revolting.
But things were about to get much worse.
We went to a smart rooftop bar around the corner from the Centurion
Building, where Bart had an area reserved. Apparently, he was a
regular there. He made sure that we arrived earlier than I had told
Mark, and he attempted to charm me. All that did was affirm to me that
my son was a dick. Sadly, I had always known it.
Mark was on time but apologised for being late. He and Bart shook
hands, overly firmly, and with a grasp that was way too long. It was a
male pissing contest. I found myself looking skyward as women do,
thinking how stupid men can be.
They both fell over themselves to be attentive to me, but at the same
time engaged in verbal jousting over how clever and important they both
were.
It was during one of those exchanges that I saw him. It was Shiloh
walking towards me with a face like thunder. He was wearing a jacket
and was probably as well dressed as I had ever seen him. He would need
to be to meet the dress code for this place. He ignored the men with
me.
"Come with me," he said firmly. I had that feeling again. This man
was a violent, abusive idiot. So why was I even considering going with
him?
"How did you find me?" I asked.
"Your phone," he said. "It was our phone, remember? Until I got my
own it was our phone and I can track it. Track it all the way here, to
this high fallutin' cocktail bar.."
"Excuse me?" said Mark. "Who the hell are you?"
"Fuck off," said Shiloh. My heart leapt just a little. I had loved
this man, or at least been besotted with him. He was direct and
competent in a fight. I always thought that he would protect me. But
he left me in a hospital with barely any of my brain left. He should
not be in my future.
"No, no." It was Bart entering the fray, moving up to confront Shiloh.
"You fuck off, Buddy. I don't know who you are, but Virginia is with
me now. So, you fuck off."
It was one punch. An uppercut. It lifted Bart into the air and he was
out of it. He lay on the floor with blood coming from his mouth. The
seething crowd nearby were silenced and moved back from the body. The
background music still played. I could see the barkeep calling for
security.
"You'd better run," I said to Shiloh.
"Not without you." He looked at me with what appeared to be ... I'm
not sure what it was. Once again, I found myself momentarily
considering going with him, and leaving everything that I had built in
the last few days, to be with this ... animal.
"I'm not going," I said. "I want you out of my life. Forever."
Reason was prevailing. But only just.
Mark moved forward to stand before me and Shiloh. He had seen the
damage that had been done to Brad, but he was moving in to protect me.
I took his arm, partly to hold him back, but partly to acknowledge that
he was my hero of the moment.
"I'm with Mark, not Bart down there," I said, noticing that Bart was
now sitting up assisted by two bystanders, and groaning. I only then
considered that I was putting Mark in danger. But before he could do
anything more, two burly security men had Shiloh by an arm each. And
he was being pulled backwards through the crowd. I could see his face
the whole way across the bar area. He was looking at me with sadness.
We both knew it was over.
"Are you all right?" Mark faced me, with real concern. I braced for
the questions but none came.
"I've had it with bad boys in my life," I said. "And I need to get a
new phone."
We left the bar after the ambulance had come and gone. Bart was
conscious but in need of "a period of observation." Free of him Mark
took me to dinner and then back to his apartment.
The truth is that I was hungry for sex. I had lived in this body for a
while now. I knew that it was a body that had been used to sex. JPM
had a body that was next to useless for sex, despite a mind that
dwelled significantly on the subject. But he was a man desirous of
women, and that inclination had not passed with his neurons. This body
needed a man. I wanted Mark to have sex with me.
It was as if Virginia knew what to do and I was just a voyeur, watching
it happen. Like watching a live sex act with a front seat - a recliner
at that.
He was not without skills either. There was something to admire in the
ease with which he undressed me, and how he ran his hands over my naked
body. There was tenderness there, but his touch seemed electric. All
men must have heard that a woman's experience of sex is better than a
man's, but who could know? I was about to, and already I knew that it
must be true.
I felt hot all over. My soft hairless skin became extremely sensitive.
I swear I could feel his fingerprints as hands passed up my inner
thighs. My pussy now exuded natural lubricant.
The head of his penis found the lips of my labia, as I looked up to see
Mark's face. He was smiling as if to call for me to confirm what he
knew we both wanted. I just whispered the word: "Yes," and he slid
into me. It seemed hardly possible that so much penis could fit inside
my small body. But I knew that was where it belonged. His penis, my
vagina. So strange to think it.
He began his rhythmic strokes as I whimpered with delight. I seemed on
the edge of orgasm for an impossibly long time, only triggered by his
happy grunt and the feeling of warm semen inside me. It was a moment
of unbridled bliss. My back arched, and I moan uncontrollably. It is
now confirmed on the basis of a single act, that a woman's experience
of sex is better than a man's.
His penis softened and fell out with a plop. His body fell beside
mine. He just took my hand in his and we both stared at the ceiling
until we caught our breath.
I had a strange thought. It was unexpected, but it filled my head to
the exclusion of all other thoughts. I had decided that I did not want
to be JPM Backhouse, or any female version of him. I wanted to be
Virginia Delevan, or better still, Mrs. Virginia Davis. I snuggled up
closer to him.
I had laid the foundation for a continuation of my life on Wall Street,
but this time as an attractive young woman in the best of health. I
had marshalled together a job, influence, money, and information that
could be used as a weapon if needed. I figured that I had more power
than JPM Backhouse, and now I knew how to use it. This time I had not
only the advantage of youth, but of being an attractive young woman who
had recently learned of her ability to make friends and manipulate.
I could be even more powerful than JPM. Equipped as I was, with
knowledge of mistakes made, and a working lifetime before me, if I was
as ruthless as JPM I could have many more times what he had been able
to achieve, and live better to enjoy it all.
But as I drew closer again to Mark, I wondered whether I wanted any of
it. I was a complete woman. I could be a mother. I could bear his
children. He could love me forever. I could help him to achieve
things, as his adoring wife. Did I really want to step back into
battle?
What would you do?
The End.
© Maryanne Peters 2019
Author's Note: Please forgive me for departing from my self-imposed
rule that my stories must be real. I could not resist the notion that
with the complete biology, the decision that our heroine is left with
is all the more delicious. Still, neuroscience has experimented with
cell transfer, and still does not truly understand the nature of
memory, so ....