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Pigtails and Satin Janet L. Stickney [email protected] I stood there in the foyer, my hair draped in pigtails and shiny ribbons, a trace of makeup on my face, colored only by the blusher and the pale lipstick. The dress, black velvet on top and white satin below, barely came to mid thigh on me, the white tights accented by the patent leather Maryjanes. Mom stood next to me, holding my hand as we looked in the tall mirror. I was elated and horrified at the same time, excited and afraid that mom would know how much I loved seeing that girl in the mirror. At the age of 12 I should have been out playing baseball with the guys, instead I looked ready for a girl's birthday party. As I watched, mom clipped on some small earrings, kissed me on the cheek, and stood back to take pictures. Mom had caught me playing dress up in her clothes one time too many, and in a flurry of anger, she had bought everything I had on, then helped me get dressed, insisting that she knew better than I did what little girls wear. But that wasn't the worst of it, that was to come later. Taking my hand again, and after a brief struggle, she led me outside, and started walking down the street. People saw me, commenting on how nice I looked, and every one of them asked mom what my name was! Telling them my name was Catherine only reinforced the idea that I was a girl, and made me feel only slightly better about being outside. It was only when we reached the corner that I began to get the shivers. Coming right at us were every one of my team mates, laughing, tossing the ball and jostling each other. Mom held my hand tightly, then started across the street, and I watched as the guys parted, making room for us to pass! Not one of them recognized me! We walked another two blocks before we started home, but mom had let my hand go, so it would seem that I was there, walking with my mother, dressed as a girl, because I wanted to be there. We almost made it home when a girl that lives around the block from us rode up on her bike, stopping right in front of us! "Hi Mrs. C!" Looking at me, "My name is Teri, with an "i"! What's your name?" Frozen, mom poked me, telling me to answer her. "Catherine," I said softly, afraid that she would know who I was. "Cathy," mom said, "is staying with us for at least the weekend Teri, so she doesn't have a lot of clothes with her, but maybe she'll be able to come out and play later." "Great," Teri said, "I'll come by after dinner then!" The minute we got in the house mom told me to stay put, we were going out to get me something to wear when Teri came over, so I would be able to play with her and fit in as a girl all at the same time! Resistance was futile as they say, and within two hours, mom and I had gone shopping, she bought things she said I would need, then we went home. In my room, mom undressed me, holding out several outfits for me to try on. "Aaahhh mom! Do I have to? I mean, Teri knows who I am, and..." Without the slightest hint of concern in her voice, "After the number of times I found you in my clothes, I would think that you would be happy to have some clothes of your own! They're stylish, they fit, and of course, are perfect for a little girl like you, so I don't want to hear another word about it. Now stand still." I had not worn one earlier, so I was a bit surprised when mom put that training bra on me, adding a thin sock to each cup, then a white tee followed by a pale blue gingham checked romper suit. I changed into ankle socks and my gym shoes, then mom told me to go outside, dinner would be in an hour or so. I had no choice but to go out, wondering how I could have been so stupid to get caught again. Mom had warned the time before, that if she caught me in her clothes again, I would find myself in a situation that I might not like, and well, she caught me again. That's how I ended up like this, and with summer break just a few days old, I had been looking forward to having fun playing baseball, swimming at the lake, and just goofing off. Now I wasn't so sure. Mom had bought the romper I had on, plus panties, several shirts, a couple of skirts, and another dress while we were out, so I knew that I was going to be dressed more than this one day, but after that, I had no idea. It was terrible. During dinner mom softened a bit, telling me that she was trying to see how foolish it was for a boy to dress like a girl, then, after a pause, she admitted that I looked "just darling", and asked me if I liked the dress plus all of the other clothes she bought. When I grudgingly said yes, she smiled, then told me that she thought so, adding that I would have one week dressing as a girl, every day, then she and I would decide what to do. Just about then the doorbell rang. It was Teri. Mom let her in, telling me I could use her bike if we wanted to ride around. Well, Teri jumped at the chance, and grabbing my hand, we went outside, I took mom's bike, and we rode off down the street. Dangerous did not describe the fix I was in. I knew that boys do not dress like girls, and if Teri ever found out, I would be sunk. But she never gave any hint that she knew who I was, and we simply rode around, passing some of the guys. "That's Kenny," Teri said, "and Jimmy, the biggest one is Bill." We rode a bit further when all at once we were surrounded by the guys we just passed. "Who're you?" Bill asked me. "That's Cathy," Teri told him, "she's only staying here for a while." None of the guys said anything, but the five of us rode around for a while together, then the guys split away, leaving Teri and I alone again. Having my buddies see me dressed as a girl was making me pucker up tight, but none of them seemed to know who I was, and I managed, just barely, to hold my own until they left. Then Teri and I went back to my house, where I went in and Teri went home. Mom helped get undressed, gave me a nightgown that had small rabbits all over it, and I went to bed. Laying there I thought about what had happened, other than being scared out of my mind that is. Nobody knew who I was, or if they did they didn't say anything, but all of the guys knew me real well, and not one of them looked as if they knew who I was. Teri was in my class at school, but since she was a girl, we never had much contact other than to say hi. I knew what mom told me. "A week," she had said, "then we will decide what to do." I could not deny that I loved the way I looked as a girl, especially my hair, but I wasn't going to tell mom that, not yet anyway. The next morning, without mom, I changed my panties, put on the bra, then a top and the tan shorts before I showed up for breakfast. As mom sat down... "You put on your bra and that flowered top. Does this mean that you want to dress as a girl today as well?" "But...! But you said that I had to do this for a whole week! I was only trying to do what you said!" "Yes," mom said, "I see that, and you do look very nice honey, but that was a test! I was sure that you knew that if you had shown up in your own clothes I would not have made you change, I was just trying to...." Stopping, she looked at me with wide eyes, then... "Now I understand! You really do like being a girl, and all those sessions of yours in my clothes wasn't just playing, you really were trying to look like a girl! Weren't you?" Mom waited, and when I didn't say anything, "Well, since you seem to like being a girl, why don't you go ahead and try it for this week like I said, then, if you still want to do it, I can get you a few more things to wear? That would mean that you'll have no baseball of course, but I suspect that you and Teri will stay together, since you two are the only girls around here." Mom sat back, that familiar look on her face. "Is that okay with you? Or would you rather change clothes and go play baseball?" I was in an impossible situation! On the one hand I was dressing just like the girl I wanted to be, but would have to endure having my friends see me like a girl every day, but with each passing day as a girl I risked being discovered, ridiculed, and generally face years of unending harassment. On the other hand, she gave me the chance to change into my own clothes, join the guys and try to forget being a girl. As I sat there mom remained silent, as I struggled to decide between what common sense told me to do, or stay dressed as a girl and risk everything. After a long silence, she simply got up, took me by the hand, and brushed my hair into a ponytail, adding a small white bow, then looked me over slowly before she told that she didn't mind if I dressed like a girl, but made it clear that I better act like one since it would be my best defense. I knew exactly what she meant. Wearing no makeup at all, I went outside, got the bike, and rode around the block, hoping that Teri would be out. She wasn't, but I hesitated knocking on the door for so long that I got worried enough to manage the nerve to go to the door and ring the bell. The woman that answered the door was obviously Teri's mom. She smiled at me, asked me to come in, then told me that Teri wasn't up yet. I started to leave when she suggested that I go in and try to get her up, which sent chills up my back. When I said no, she insisted, telling me that Teri should be up anyway, then pointed at a bedroom door. I knocked on the door, heard a muffled voice, and opened the door. I had never been in a girls bedroom before, and had no idea what to expect, and was pleasantly surprised to see a pale blue room with a centered canopy bed in white a blue print. The lump in the bed could only be Teri. "Teri," I said softly, with no response. "TERI!" I said a bit louder, which caused her to bring her head into view. One look through sleep encrusted eyes was all it took. Teri popped out of bed in a flash of naked flesh, turning so she was facing me as she opened her dresser and grabbed a pair of panties. That was the first time I saw a girl my age naked, and every one of my nerve endings was on fire as I struggled to control myself. "I stayed up late," he said as she pulled on a pair of shorts. Grabbing her miniscule bra, I watched as she got dressed, then the two of us went into the kitchen where she wolfed down a bowl of cereal while I sipped on a fruit juice. Teri introduced me to her mother, told her where I lived, then she got her bike and we started riding. It was a bit early, but we saw Jimmy out, then Kenny. They both had their ball gloves, so we knew they were going to play. Teri and I stopped at my house, told mom we were going to the park, then rode off, planning on watching the guys play. That was Teri's idea, and I could hardly say no, since I was supposedly a new girl in the area, and wasn't supposed to know anyone. We went to the swings first, since the guys had not all arrived to play. "Where you from?" Teri asked me. "Here," I said, "I just stayed inside a lot." "It's nice not being the only girl around her," she said, "the boys are always playing that stupid game, and I'm always alone with nothing to do but watch them or stay with my mom." There was nothing for me to say, so I merely sat swinging back and forth, but I felt really good that I had been accepted as a girl by Teri. It might just make things easier if one of the guys thought he knew me. The fact that every one of them knew where I lived didn't even come to mind, which just shows you how stupid I was. We heard the guys starting to play, and walked over, sitting on the knoll to watch the game, which was really more hit and chase than anything else, but it was okay. At least I liked it. Teri and I watched for a while, then headed back to my house. When we got there and went in, hoping to get a soda, both of our mother's were there! "Hi girls," mom said, get a soda for each of you Cathy, but stay on the patio while you drink them." Teri and I took the soda and sat on the patio by the table. We were there about five minutes when our mom's joined us. "I was wondering Cathy," Teri's mom said, "if you would like to come with us tomorrow? Teri is getting her picture taken, and I thought that you might like to come along. We can all do a little shopping afterwards, and maybe stop for ice cream." "You know, that's a wonderful idea Helen," mom said quickly. "Cathy has not had a really good picture taken in almost forever! She can get hers taken at the same time! In fact, I'll join you! We can have a mother daughter picture taken!" "Well, why don't we make a day of it then?" Helen said. "I know that Teri has wanted to get her hair styled less like a little girl for a long time, so why don't we take the girls to the salon, get their hair styled, some nail polish, and maybe get their makeup done before we get the pictures taken?" "If we do that," mom said, "then Cathy and I'll have to do a little shopping. She's growing so fast that she's outgrown almost everything she owns that's nice, so why don't we just meet you here tomorrow morning?" "That'll be fine Mary," Helen said as she took Teri's hand, "see you in the morning!" At the time, I must have been about as smart as our cat. I did not add up the fact that I had told Teri's mother where I lived, then finding our mothers together, just before it was decided that I was going to have a portrait style picture taken of me as a girl, after I had been to the beauty shop! Mom and I left for the mall, with mom telling me that it was time I started dressing like a young lady and not a little girl, which was fine with me, if only I knew what she meant. "I know this might sound sudden, and I did promise you one week to decide if being a girl was for you, so, if you don't want to do this that will be fine with me. But it would be nice to have a really nice picture of you and I together, even if you decide to quit." Mom looked at me with a smile, letting me think about it for a moment. "If you decide to come along, I'll make sure that you will look as much like Teri as I can honey...which might be important, especially if you are in each others room while the other gets dressed, like this morning." Mom knew! Swallowing hard I looked over to see her placidly watching the road, then a quick peek at me, which is when I made up my mind. "I'll look like Teri?" "No," mom said, "you'll look like you, but I'm going to see to it that you will look more like a girl than a boy." "Not a little girl?" "No dear," mom said with a grin, "a young lady that is just approaching puberty. That means that you'll need to have small breasts of course, and maybe a rounder hip. Young ladies also get to wear clothes that are less frilly, and can wear pantyhose, heels and nicer dresses." I told mom I would do it, not completely understanding everything she said, but it sounded good, so I agreed. Then I found out what mom meant by different kinds of clothes when, in the lingerie section of the department store, I was handed a white bra with panties to match, plus several other sets, some in other colors. Mom paid for everything, although she had a few things that I didn't see, and didn't pay any attention to. From there we went to the dresses, and I had to try on several before she was satisfied. Then she added a couple of skirts, a plainer dress, and some blouses. I also got my first pair of heels, white with low heels, with a handbag to match, we then left for home, mom telling me that she "just knew that I would be beautiful." Once we got home she took me to my room, had me undress, then showed me what she had bought. Two jelly like blobs that fit in the palm of each hand, flesh colored with a dimple in the back. Mom washed my chest, then used rubbing alcohol before she applied a bit of glue to each one. Then she put one on each side of my chest, holding them in place for a few minutes before she let go. Small, they looked exactly like Teri's, and as I looked over at mom, I saw she was busy unwrapping one of the new bras. As she helped me with the unfamiliar straps, adjusting it properly, I saw in the mirror that like Teri, I had breasts, small but clearly my own. Grinning, I hugged mom without saying anything, then, as I went to put my clothes back on, she stopped me by handing me what looked like a panty, but was skin colored and had padding, that mom told me was gel instead of foam, on the back and sides. I pulled it on, then got dressed, seeing that I now had a much better shape. That night mom came into my room, handing me a nightgown, then sat on the bed watching while I slipped it over my head, used the bath and returned. "Come sit next to me," mom said as she patted the bed next to her. "I know," she told me, "that you like dressing as a girl, that's obvious, but all of the other boys will know, if they don't already, that we have a girl staying here, plus, they have not seen you in a while, so I had to find a way to let you be more like a girl, just to keep them from teasing you almost to death, if they decide that the girl they see is the boy they know, which is why I put those on your chest, to help protect you. But even if we find a way to explain why the boy your friends know isn't around, and you dress like this all summer, come fall, when school starts, you'll have to become a boy again. You do know that don't you?" I nodded my head yes. "If you spend all summer as a girl, just how easy is that going to be Cathy? You'll start acting even more like a girl than you do now, and by the end of summer, you might forget how to be a boy! Have you considered that?" "No..." "Another thing,," mom went on, "Teri does not know that you are a boy, not yet anyway, she assumes that you are my niece or something, but her mother knows, and while she knows it wasn't your fault, she was dismayed when she found out that Teri had stripped naked right in front of you, so, the question is, would you like to tell Teri the truth? Or would you rather she found out by accident?" Mom paused but I didn't say anything. "I was thinking that after we have our trip to the beauty shop and have our pictures taken, maybe while we're having ice cream, you need to tell her. Helen and I will be there, but since you are a boy and she is a girl, you two are old enough to...well, we do not want you two in the same room together if one of you has to get naked. Do you understand why?" "Yes," I said, "sex." "That's right. Sex. It's not that we don't trust you two, it's just that you might not be able to help yourselves." Mom leaned back a little, then... "Now, what do we do? Tell Teri or let her find out on her own? Remember now, I do not want to say that you are my niece, because you are my child, and as a girl, that makes you my daughter, which is how it should be." "What if she tells all the guys? I'll never have any friends ever again!" "Her mother and I don't think she'll do that honey. Think about it for a minute. Just how many girls do we have around here for her to play with? None, right? If she tells everyone, she'll be back to being alone again, and based on the way you two are around each other, we don't think she'll say a word, but just in case, her mother will reinforce the idea that this is just between the four of us, okay?" It was going to be hard, but I said okay, then went to bed. In my dreams I had a vision of Teri naked, only with my head stuck on her body so I knew what I would look like if I were a girl. In the morning after breakfast, mom insisted that I take a bubblebath, and as the scented water covered me and I smelled the flowery aroma, I began to understand that being a girl had lots of pleasant bonuses besides being able to wear a skirt or dress. The water made my skin slick and soft, and as I stepped out of the tub I was as clean as I ever had been. Mom had put clothes on my bed, but when I picked up the panties I decided that I would try something new, and folded myself between my legs before I pulled them on. The bra had a front hook, so it was easier to get on, and managed to do it all by myself. I pulled on the special panty, then picked up the pantyhose, but having no idea how to put them on, and since they were so thin, I called out for mom. She came in and showed me how to get them on, then watched as I pulled on the slip. The dress went over my head, and as she zipped it up it grew tight around my middle, which made my boobs stick out! Stepping into the heels, she walked me to her bedroom where she brushed out my hair, parting it in the middle and using a headband to pull it away from my face but leaving some bangs. Then earrings and a small necklace were added, plus a bit of perfume. I walked around in the heels for a while and found out that it wasn't that hard, and when I looked in the mirror and saw myself, I was shocked to see that I had good legs! The pantyhose had done that, and with the hem of that dress at my knees, I looked older than twelve right then. Teri and her mom showed up shortly after mom was done getting ready, and we headed for the beauty shop. Sitting next to Teri, knowing that in a few hours I had to tell her who I was gave me chills, but she chattered as if nothing was wrong, telling me that it was her first time at a beauty shop, and was looking forward to it. I agreed, with her about that just as we pulled into the parking lot. Teri and were each in a chair looking at hairstyles in books when mom pointed out one that I had looked at three times, telling me that it would look cute on me, but after the stylist moved away, she told me that it was a perm, and would last for a long time, adding that I might have to have all my hair cut way down when I went to school in the fall. But I liked it, and said that I wanted it, so that's what I got. I also had a different hair color. Mom insisted on it, telling me that it would make it safer for me. So, I had blond hair that was wavy on top, curly in the back, and was a lot shorter than I thought it would be. My nails were filed and painted, then when Teri was ready, we all left for the studio. I had at least twenty pictures taken of me alone, plus another 12 or so with mom. Teri and her mom were in another room getting their pictures taken. When we were done, we headed off for the ice cream parlor, and my great admission. I looked more like a girl than ever before, and while I was at the beauty shop I could feel myself being drawn into my rapidly growing femininity even faster than before. With my small breasts pushing out against the dress, my nylon clad legs so smooth and nice looking, and with my new hairdo, nails and makeup, I began to feel as if I were Teri's equal. When we were seated, mom said something that spurred me into it, and all at once I blurted it out, telling Teri who I was, but added that I always wanted to be a girl, and now that I was one, I didn't want to be a boy ever again. "Yeah! Duh!" she said with a grin. "You knew?!" "Since there aren't any other girls around here, and you've been in the same house since we started school, I knew the minute we went to your house and you called your mother mom." I felt like sinking into the chair. "But now that you've had your hair done, you're not leaving me are you? What I mean is, we're the only girls in the neighborhood! You have to stay! I don't want to spend another summer all alone!" "I think," Teri's mom said, "that Cathy will be here all summer, but we have some rules that you must both obey." She told us what they were, which was pretty much what mom told me. After we finished the ice cream, Teri and I walked outside, standing close to the door so our mothers could find us. "You knew?" I asked her. "Yeah, but it didn't matter," she said with a smile. "I was tired of being alone, and since you wanted to dress like a girl and play with me, I didn't care. Besides, you're real cute." Changing the subject, "Bill called me last night, he wanted to know who you were." "What did you tell him?" "I told him that you were staying at your house, and that your name was Cathy, and you were twelve, same as me." "That's just great!" I said sourly. "All I need is for one of the guys to start hanging around!" "So what if they do?" Teri said enthusiastically, "They'll never get it! Never! You don't look like you, especially now that you're a blond. In some ways you're better looking than before! Relax!" "Easy for you to say, you're a girl!" "And so are you Cathy! Just look at yourself and tell me you're not a girl!" Our mothers came out and together we went to the mall. Mom didn't buy much, but I had my ears pierced and was allowed to get a small makeup kit. Somewhere along the way it was decided that I had to have a swimsuit, so mom bought me one, plus another romper suit, some tops, and a pair of pink shoe laces. When we got home I changed into a pair of shorts and a top with my gym shoes, changing the laces to the new pink ones, then I started walking over to see Teri. I made it as far as the corner when I passed Kenny's house and Bill came charging across the street, stopping in front of me. "Hey," he said a little shyly. "I'm uh...Bill. What's your name?" "Cathy," I said softly, hoping that he would not recognize my voice. "You going over to Teri's house?" "Yeah," I said, "she and I are going to the park, why?" "No reason," he said quickly. "I was going towards Teri's house anyway, maybe we could walk together?" Shrugging my shoulders I started down the street with Bill right besides me all the way to Teri's, but when I went to ring the bell, he ran back the way we had come. Teri let me in, but we quickly left the house, then I told her what Bill had said, and that he had walked me to her house. Teri was almost jumping because she was glad that it had been Bill rather than Jimmy that followed me. She wanted Jim for herself. I didn't want anybody, but that didn't seem to matter. She and I strolled past the guys, slowing down a bit to let them watch, passing my house as we headed for the park, with Teri teasing me the whole time about Bill, then, in a whisper she told me that she had kissed Jimmy, and that she liked it! We were at the park for about twenty minutes before the guys came walking by, and just like Teri told me they would, they made it look casual, but she and I both knew that they were following us. I thought it was funny, but Teri stuck out her hip and flipped her hair, which drew them close to us like a flower draws a bee. Jim was all smiles as he looked at Teri, and while Bill slowly moved closer to me, Jim took Teri's hand in his and they wandered over to the swings, leaving me with Bill. "Wanna walk down by the lake?" he asked me. "It looks like Teri and Jim are busy..." Looking at Teri I saw that she had lost all interest in me, so I nodded my head yes, which is when Bill took my hand and started walking towards the lake. I had never held a boys hand before, so I wondered why his hand was so much bigger than mine, and he felt twice as strong as I was, although I knew that I was a faster base runner than he was. Bill didn't say much, but pointed out the fish that were nearby when we reached the water, as if I couldn't figure it out myself, but I remained silent and let him talk. He told me how to catch them, using a big worm and a bobber, boasting about how he thought he was pretty good at it, which I knew he was. Then he surprised me by asking me if I wanted to join him the next day! He said he planned on fishing, and would show me how. It took me a few moments before I told him I would be there, but all I would do was watch. He seemed happy with that, and once again took my hand as we walked back to the swings. We got there just in time to see Teri slip out of the swing and right into his arms. Teri was laughing as she took Jim's hand. That's how we walked home. Hand in hand, Bill walked me right to the door, then told me he would be over in the morning to get me, about eight he said. "Have a nice day?" mom asked me when I went in. "Was that Bill I saw you with?" "Yeah," I said, "he asked me to go fishing with him in the morning. "Are you going?" "I said I would mom, it's just fishing, it's not like we're going to a party or anything." "You hate fishing!" "Well, yeah, but..." Mom dropped it and I went to my room. After dinner I changed into the nightgown, then went to bed so that I would have plenty of time to get ready before Bill showed up in the morning. I wore my new jeans with a thin blouse and an old sweatshirt with my gym shoes. My hair fell into place just like the lady told me it would, so all I had to do was put on a little makeup and some lipstick. Foolishly, I added a bit of perfume. When mom saw me, all she did was smile, then over breakfast... "You know of course," mom said, "that Bill is taking a liking to you." "Naaahh," I said a little quickly, "he just wanted someone to go fishing with him." "Hardly!" mom said with a smile. "Cathy, honey, he asked you because he wants to know you better! He is about to become a young man, and boys his age are attracted to girls!" mom sat back, then asked me the hard question. "Would Bill have held your hand if you were still a boy?" "No way mom!" "Well? Doesn't that tell you something?" "He likes girls?" "Right! Now, what do you look like? Right now? A pretty young girl, so of course he likes you!" After a short pause, "That's perfume you have on isn't it?" "I just thought...I wanted to..." "I understand Cathy, but you have to understand that when a girl wears perfume she makes boys notice her! Is that what you want? To have Bill notice you?" I said nothing of course. "Being a girl is more than just wearing the clothes honey, and it's also more than a lifestyle. The clothes help define us, but how we act is just as much, if not more, a true reflection of ourselves. You wanted to become a girl, and I let you do this for a while because you needed it, but now that you have boys coming around it's time that you realized what being a girl is all about." "Huh?" "What I mean," mom said as she took my hand, "is that you let Bill hold your hand, then you agreed to go fishing with him this morning, wearing perfume and some lipstick, and that tells me a lot more than you ever have! When Bill tries to kiss you, and he will, I'm sure of that, you will know what it means to be a girl, especially if you like it." "I'm not going to let him kiss me!" I said violently, "All we're doing is going to the lake!" "Well you have a nice time today Cathy. Maybe later tonight you can tell me how it went." Bill showed up a bit later and we left for the lake. He brought along an extra rod, telling me that he would bait the hook and show me how to put the line in the water, then, almost casually, he asked me if I wanted to go to his cousins birthday party with him! He told me that his Aunt always put on nice parties, adding that they were almost always dressy, meaning a suit for him and a nice dress for me. I didn't answer him. At the lake we walked out on the pier and I watched as he baited my hook then his, and cast them both into the water. Watching that bobber was boring until mine sank out of sight, and as I struggled to crank the line back in Bill kept telling me that I had a monster on the line. Based on the pull, I thought he was right! It took a while, but I managed to drag that fish close enough so that he could drag it out of the water, unhook it, and put it in the pail. Grinning, I wasn't paying any attention when he grabbed me by the shoulders and kissed me, right on the lips! Shaken, we parted and he baited my hook again. After a few hours he suggested that we put the rods down and take a break, so we did, and walked along the shore together to see what we could find. That's when I felt his arm around me. I was just ready to ask him to stop when he spun me around and kissed me again, but longer. We were both panting when he let me go, then all at once he let out a huge yell then smiled at me. Not wanting any more of that kissing stuff, I moved away from him, but didn't leave. "So, will you come to my cousins party with me?" I used my best stalling ploy. "I'll have to ask my mom. When is it?" "On Saturday, in the afternoon sometime, two I think." I did not know it at the time, but by saying that I would ask implied that I wanted to go to the party with him! My tactic to stall, hoping that he would forget it fizzled and died when I realized what I had done. When I told mom that he asked me to a party, and what I said, she told me I could go if I wanted to, then reminded me what she had told me at breakfast. Glumly, I realized that mom was right. I wanted to be a girl, but I didn't even think about boys until Bill kissed me, not once, but twice! I sat at the kitchen table while I tried to figure out what to do. Mom asked me in an offhand way if I liked it when Bill kissed me, and without thinking, I said, "Yes." "Then you should accept this date," mom told, "and simply have a nice time!" "But...he thinks that I'm a girl!" "Of course he does! What did you think would happen when you started wearing dresses, got your hair done and now wear makeup and perfume?" Teri knew about Bill asking me to the party of course, and urged me to go, telling me that I would be able to meet more kids, and since Bill was such a good kisser... "What makes you say that Teri!?" "Bill told Jim that you're a terrific kisser," she said eagerly, "and Jim told me! So tell me, how was it?" "Okay I guess. He caught me off guard." On Saturday morning I took another bubblebath, and once again got all dressed up in pantyhose and heels, wearing the pink sheath dress with white trim. Mom helped me with my hair, adding a pink and white clip to each side of my head, then helping me with my makeup. By the time I was ready I had fallen into the trap of my own design, and felt that I was just as much a girl as Teri or any other girl I knew. Of course I wasn't, but I felt that way, so when Bill came to the door with his mother, I was ready, with a smile plastered on my face. Both of our mothers took some pictures, then we left for the party. Bill walked me inside, introduced me to his Aunt, then we went to the patio where there were a lot of kids our age. Some I knew, some I recognized, and some I didn't know, but all of them seemed to accept me as a girl, and I eventually relaxed. Bill stayed close to me all afternoon, dancing with me, getting me something to drink, the whole works, everything a boy would do for a girl on their first date, and while it felt strange, I will admit that I loved it. Later in the afternoon everyone paired off, dancing slow, talking, drifting away, or simply disappearing. Bill was holding me tightly as we faced each other, shuffling our feet to the music, when he kissed me again. I wasn't shocked like before, but told him not to do that. His mom took us home, and when I went in and saw mom, I started crying. I wasn't hurt, I was so confused about myself that I felt as if I had lost myself. Mom held me, took me to my bedroom, helping me undress as I blubbered, telling her how I felt, even admitting that I liked being the center of someone's attention, adding that I never wanted to be a boy, and wanted mom to make me a girl so I wouldn't feel this way ever again. But of course she could not do that, and told me that she had come to like having a daughter around, but reminded me that when school started, I would have to be a boy again. Sadly, that's exactly what happened. I saw Teri every day until school started, pushing Bill away from me, trying to make him understand that I would be leaving, and there wasn't any way he and I could be more than friends. Teri tried to make me feel better, but two days before I enrolled in school, I was at the beauty shop as they cut my hair shorter, dyeing it back to the original color, letting me change in a small booth before mom and I went home. One look at myself and the tears started again, but there wasn't any other way. I began school in as miserable a state as I could ever imagine. I turned 13 a week later, and while it was supposed to be a big deal, I dismissed it as just another day. Teri helped keep me from imploding, and mom let me get dressed at home once in a while, but just seeing all of the girls in school reminded me of the summer past, and all of the fun I had as a girl. That went on for months, well, until Christmas anyway, before mom finally sat me down for a mother son talk. Just a few words from her set me on a tirade, and I found myself demanding that I be allowed to become Cathy once again, only full time! That did not happen, but mom did finally agree to let me become Cathy on the weekends and during all of my breaks. I had let my hair grow out again, and still wore small studs in my ears. I had the small breast forms, padded panty and my clothes, so I was sure that I was all set, but when mom pointed out that I had grown, all I could do was stuff the bras and wear a few skirts that still fit. It was terrible, and just barely enough to keep me satisfied. As winter gave way to spring with summer not long after, I told mom that I wanted to become Cathy for the summer again, but we both knew that once I did that, I could not give it up again. I just couldn't. Mom did not say no, but not yes either, so I remained in limbo for the next few months, afraid to ask mom, or tell her just how I felt. Complicating all this was Bill, who was constantly asking me when Cathy would be back, telling me that she was the girl of his dreams. All I could say was that I didn't know. It was a few days before spring break when I went in my room after school, I saw new dresses, a few skirts and some blouses hanging in my closet! I fondled the material, but didn't try anything on. It was only at dinner that mom told me that she had decided to let me begin dressing as a girl again. Mom had bought some larger breast forms, bras and panties for me, telling me what I had not said out loud. "I think that we both know that once you start this, you'll not be able to give it up, and frankly, it's been like living with an angry bear since you have returned to being a boy. When you were Cathy last summer it was like living with an entirely different person! You were quieter, softer spoken, polite and as wonderful a daughter as any woman could want!" Taking my hand, "Cathy has to return, or our lives will be nothing but tension filled days of torment for both of us, but if I let you do this, I have to be convinced that you'll be okay at school, or I cannot let you do this honey." It took me about an hour to get changed and return to mom as Cathy once again. No longer a little girl, my breasts were now a full A cup, and while my figure wasn't anything to shout about, it did not matter to me. I wore the short pleated navy skirt with a white top, ankles socks and my gym shoes when I walked over to Teri's house. She was all shrieks and giggles when she saw me, then I told her that I planned on coming back that summer as Cathy, then back to school the coming fall as a girl. I asked her what she thought, if I could do it I mean, which made her laugh. That was enough to convince me, so I went home and told mom I would do it. That summer, two days after summer break started, Cathy returned. Bill had moved on to another girl, which was fine with me, and I spent each day honing my skills as a girl until the day came when I would have to appear in school as a girl. It was my Freshman year, and I was 14 years old. As much as I feared what would happen, everybody accepted me as just another student, and while I had to endure some laser treatments to remove my growing beard, I never went back to the boy that I once was. To this day I have my first dress, the black and white one, complete with the ribbons and shoes in my closet to remind me of how far I had come. Pigtails and satin, the mark of a little girl had given way to the satin and lace of a woman, yet once in a while I still feel like that same little girl that started this whole thing.