NOT VERY NICE PEOPLE by Crazy Baron
Chapter 2: The Party Trick
Synopsis:
On their way down south, our heroes pay a courtesy call on Kenny
Taylor, their acquaintance and a former socially impaired nerd, who has
made a name for himself in the software industry. Kenny, now married,
lives a life that stands in contrast to the mostly prosaic existence of
Mike, Jake, Scott and Charlie. But behind every picture perfect facade
there may lurk hair-raising secrets; and some have the potential of
ruining your vacation, perhaps even your sanity.
*****
If Kenny Taylor's intent had been to find privacy, he had certainly
succeeded. His house stood essentially alone in the middle of nowhere,
on the side of a low wooded hill a few miles from the main road.
Another smaller road passed by the house, leaving a hundred yards or so
of uncultivated land in between, and a thicket of trees shielded the
homestead from direct view. The nearest settlement worth mentioning was
also several miles distant. Had he not given Charlie detailed
instructions on how to arrive there, trying to locate the place would
have been difficult even with the help of modern navigational aids.
The driveway weaved gently across the terrain, rounded the hill from
the south, and then the house was right in front of us. One look at it
sufficed to prove that Kenny was definitely not short on money: the
building had to be quite new, with white concrete walls, large windows
facing in almost every direction and an array of solar panels up on
top. It, along with a semi-combined garage with two doors, was built
elegantly into the hillside so that the upper floor of the two-story
house was near ground level at the back; a flat roof extended from the
base of the second story in the front, providing both an open air
balcony and a weather cover for the large terrace. The house was very
spacious for a family of two, no matter how affluent, and I wondered if
Kenny was planning on having children in the near future.
"Would you look at that," Charlie said slowly as we took the sight in.
I pulled up and parked the car near the main entrance but a little to
the side, careful not to block the way, and then we all got out.
Suddenly I felt uncouth and awkward, if not downright embarrassed at
the thought of entering so luxurious a mansion as I was at the moment,
wearing my worn out everyday clothes, with my chin unshaven and
accompanied by my equally casual friends. I momentarily toyed with the
thought of turning back but rejected it firmly. We had come this far,
and to run away inexplicably when we had probably already been seen
from inside the house would have been embarrassing in and of itself.
Jake cleared his throat and observed, "The universe sometimes works in
mysterious ways. Isn't it weird that out of the five of us, Kenny has
been the most successful? Come to think of it, we have all
underperformed and underachieved to one extent or another in life, and
the terminal geek with no friends ends up owning a place like this! I'm
in a boring dead-end job that pays miserably; Scott, you're not much
better off; Charlie, you're divorced; and Mike, you're basically a
perpetual student who was recently locked up in a funny farm. We're as
good as broke and all single with little hope of so much as getting
laid, unless we pay for it."
"You sure have a way with words," I said to him. His remarks, however
true in principle, had actually felt slightly offensive even to me.
"Not to mention a positive outlook on things."
"I get laid sometimes," Charlie pointed out, "and so does Scott. I'm
not certain about Mike but I'd imagine he just might as well. Speak for
yourself, Jake."
"I said we've got little hope," Jake argued, "not that we've got no
hope. There's a difference."
The main door of the house opened and a man stepped out. At first, I
couldn't recognize him; he was perhaps about medium height and weight
and had short dark hair in a hipster-ish quiff cut, with a seemingly
unkempt but in actuality carefully styled stubble of a beard covering
his chin and cheeks. He was wearing glasses with small rectangular
lenses, well-fitting trousers and a khaki jacket, with expensive
loafers on his feet. In all, he was the very personification of the
fashionable late 2010s young and urban male, nearly up to the point of
being a living stereotype, a cardboard cutout. As he walked up to us
with an energetic swagger, I could only stare at him in amazement.
Kenneth Taylor's evolution from a socially inept nerd to a career
rocket and a stylish, confident man of the world was without compare
among the people I knew or had heard about--excluding, of course, a
certain little episode with transforming skinsuits that had turned me
and my friends into female TV characters, a mischievous thought added
in the back of my mind. I hurried to suppress it as Kenny greeted us
happily,
"Hello, guys! How are you doing? Welcome to my humble abode!"
"Hi," I replied and shook hands with him. His grip was firm and
decisive, the polar opposite of everything that made up the old Kenny.
"Nice to be here."
"Yep," Jake added as Kenny moved on to him, with Charlie and Scott
following next. "I wouldn't necessarily call this house humble,
though."
"Oh, it's just a little pet project of mine," the host said with
unostentatiousness that was perhaps not all pretense. "A hideout for me
and the wife, whenever we get fed up with the hustle and bustle of the
city."
His eyes moved to Dan, who was standing in a hunched posture next to
the car, more or less oblivious to his surroundings. "I don't believe
we've met," he said to Dan.
"Oh, that's... Dan Mancini," I explained.
"So, is he...?"
"No, not really," I said, struggling to find suitable yet inoffensive
words to express just what Dan was to us. "We met him on the way here
and decided to give him a lift to Bedford."
"Your friends are my friends as well," Kenny declared magnanimously and
offered his hand to Dan but got no reaction whatsoever out of him.
Instead, Dan was currently busy staring at the sky and ignoring
everything going on around him. Our host withdrew his hand tentatively
and looked at me again.
"Uh, I think he's... a bit---"
"Fucked in the head," Jake completed my sentence.
"Right," Kenny said and grinned. "Anyway, let's go inside. I want you
guys to meet Christine, and then we can get comfortable."
Without further ado, Kenny led us up a series of low steps, across the
terrace and through the main door. We then entered a hall with a high
ceiling. One of the walls was covered by mirror panes, and a long coat
rack was affixed to the wall next to the mirrors. Wooden paneled doors
provided access to what were presumably a bathroom and an assortment of
other rooms on the opposite side, and to the left, the hall continued
into the main living room and kitchen. To our right there was a flight
of wooden stairs. Although the sky outside was still mostly overcast,
there was plenty of light in the house, thanks in part to the windows
and in part to a cleverly arranged lighting system, with LED lights
placed unobtrusively throughout the ceiling and walls. Kenny had
inherited the taste of his parents when it came to internal design and
decoration, I noted and thought back to my visits to his childhood home
in Greensville. It was in many respects similar to this building, only
more modest in scale.
"Wait here for a sec," Kenny told us. "I'll go get her." Half running,
he rounded the corner towards the living room and disappeared from
view. We could hear him calling her from the other side of the house.
"Is it my imagination," Scott mused in a subdued voice, "or has the
dude dyed his hair? It never used to be that dark before."
"Could be," Charlie commented. "I noticed the same thing."
"How gay of him," Jake added, not as quietly as the others, and I
feared that his voice would carry and Kenny would hear him.
We had left our jackets and coats in the car (and Dan had left home
without one), so we had no clothing to take off and in general nothing
to do until the host came back. We spent the time staying put,
wondering at our surroundings and trying to wrap our heads around the
change that had taken place in Kenny Taylor.
We soon received incontrovertible proof that Jake's assumption of
Kenny's sexual orientation was mistaken. Kenny returned to the hall
with a stunning young woman on his arm, a slender blond with long,
straight hair, large blue eyes and a wide smile that revealed a set of
absolutely flawless pearly white teeth. Her face was round and had
delicate features, a small nose and lips that were plump but not overly
thick. Her body, clad in casual but stylish white capri pants and a
light blouse, was willowy but still sported enticing curves in just the
right places, and her legs were strikingly long and thin. If she was
significantly older than 25, she had to take an extremely good care of
herself, Botox treatments and other such methods probably included.
"This is my Christine," Kenny introduced her with an obvious air of
pride. "Christine, meet the guys. That is Scott Anderson, that's Jake
White, Charlie McGee and Mike Caldwell. Oh, and there's also Dan."
"My pleasure," the Barbie doll intoned in a slightly nasal voice and
widened her smile some more as she proceeded to shake hands with us.
Her grip was soft and warm but not very firm, unlike her husband's. Dan
received a short curious look from her, and she didn't offer her hand
to him, but she managed to retain the beaming expression on her face.
"Okay," Kenny said, "now that we're done with the formalities, what do
you say we move to the living room and relax a little?"
"Sounds good to me," I responded. The others nodded their agreement.
In a few moments we were sitting side by side in a massive couch facing
a coffee table and two armchairs right next to each other which were
occupied by Kenny and his wife. The living room was much like the hall
in style: the white walls contrasted with the dark redwood parquet
floor and large windows, with designer furniture laid in a carefully
thought out arrangement. I was surrounded by clean lines and straight
angles and precision and good order. The house no doubt gave pure
expression to a certain type of aesthetic vision and must have appealed
to Kenny's sensibilities, but I had already come to the conclusion that
I wouldn't have wanted to live in it, even if I had had the money. The
unyielding contrasts of dark and light colors, the rigid geometric
patterns and the overall uncanny sterility the building was imbued with
felt unwelcoming. It seemed much more like a public library or an
office block than someone's home.
"I have to say this is one impressive house," I nevertheless commented
to open the conversation, unable to come up with a better subject. "It
must have cost you millions."
"Yeah, well," Kenny replied modestly, "something in the low seven
digits, but not really as much as you might think. The biggest problem
was getting the electricity connected and the water and sewage
arranged. And, of course, we had to have the driveway built too. The
land property was completely undeveloped and essentially in its natural
state when we bought it."
"How long have you had it?" Charlie asked in his turn.
"Five or six years now, but we didn't get things going until some time
later. We both were too busy with our work back then and had to save
some more money, so the house was only finished last year--just in time
for Christmas, actually."
He flashed a sweet smile at his wife, who replied in kind. They
obviously had fond, romantic memories of inaugurating their nest over
the holiday season.
"Of course, him getting that promotion played a big part in it,"
Christine added. "He did get some recognition for his mad skills as
soon as he came to the firm, but it took the management a while to give
him a position to match."
"It wasn't just up to them," Kenny pointed out. "I was happy doing the
actual hands-on stuff, writing code and testing software. When you're a
supervisor, you've got a lot more administrative things to do, and I
find it boring for the most part. You need to complete reports and
evaluations and sit at a million meetings before you can get to the fun
part. Basically, you then start at near the bottom of the white collar
tribe, with a lot of responsibility but not much real power yet outside
of your own immediate group and the people who work directly for you.
In fact, I declined the promotion two times but they kept insisting,
and then I finally gave in. The pay is nice, though, so I can't
complain."
"I guess," Jake said. "It's not like I could afford something like this
house."
"Then again, you've got to realize that money can't make you happy at
the end of the day. Sure, it's good to have in our kind of society, but
what you need in your life is purpose and meaning, you see, an outlet
for your creativity. If you don't internalize the idea that you're
contributing in a positive way, making a difference, then what's the
use of waking up in the morning? You get reduced to just another cog in
the machine, and you can never feel fulfilled. I'm afraid of exactly
that happening to me."
Jake lifted his eyebrows a little at this but didn't say anything, much
to my relief.
"On a different topic," Scott said, "how long have you guys been
together?"
This again brought smiles to the faces of the happy couple. "We met at
a nightclub about five years ago," Christine explained. "It was early
summer, and I had just graduated college and was out partying with my
friends. As I'm ordering my second daiquiri at the bar, this hunk walks
up to me and tries to get a conversation going but manages to spill his
rum and coke on my dress." She laughed heartily at the memory, and he
chuckled a little as well. "You have to understand, Kenny was way more
shy and awkward with people back then. You wouldn't believe this is the
same man."
"You've got that right," I commented. "He's changed incredibly over the
last years."
"Yes, and mainly for the better, I might add. So, anyway, we hit it off
regardless and started going out, and the rest is history. We've been
married for two and a half years. The ceremony was held on our third
official dating anniversary." She lifted her hand to show off the
wedding band on her finger.
"Christine is a certified physiotherapist, by the way," Kenny added.
"Not to mention part-time model. She still models on occasion."
"Nah, not really," she said. "I used to do that to fund my education,
but now that I've got him to support me, it's nothing but a hobby. I
don't need a steady job either. I'm just the satisfied little trophy
wife."
"Don't say that, honey," the husband admonished her gently and took her
hand in his. "You've got a bright mind and lots of drive. I'd never
have married a mindless bimbo, as you well know." They looked each
other in the eyes for a full five seconds and seemed poised to kiss,
but then she broke the spell, got up on her feet and said,
"Oh, but where are my manners! Would you guys like some coffee? You
must be tired after all that driving and you haven't had anything to
drink."
Jake, Charlie, Scott and I looked at each other. "We wouldn't mind some
coffee, to be honest," Jake answered for all of us. "We still have a
couple of hundred miles to go today. Not that you have to, but---"
"Alright!" Christine said briskly and marched into the kitchen. "You'll
get treated to the house special."
"She makes a mean vegan latte," Kenny told us with a smile. "It's by
far the best I've tasted this side of the Appalachians."
I glanced sideways at Jake, who failed to keep a frown off his face.
The prospect of enjoying a cup of coffee had suddenly lost part of its
appeal for me as well, but we had to conform to proper etiquette. After
all, we were Kenny's guests in his home.
"How are you guys doing these days?" Kenny asked, changing the topic.
"You haven't told me much of anything about what's going on in your
lives."
I bit my lip. Nothing we could tell Kenny even remotely compared to his
apparently near-perfect life situation--his beautiful wife, his huge
house, his prodigious career or his bank account that easily allowed
him to make purchases worth millions. Regardless, we had to give him
something, and I took the plunge first.
"It's been a little more mundane for us," I explained with a (forced)
chuckle. "I'm working to get my PhD in physics at the University. The
dissertation ought to be ready some time next year. It's been a little
frustrating, what with the constant delays in gaining access to the
properly corrected data and the need to double and triple check
everything, but I think it's getting there."
"Are you married, Mike?"
"No. I still haven't found a woman who... And I don't think the time is
right for me to start a family, anyway. I may even have to move abroad
or something after I get the degree, and having a wife and a couple of
kids to take care of would complicate things pretty seriously at that
point. I need to wait and see how my future pans out."
"Okay. Are there any more bachelors among you, by the way?"
"We're all on the market at the moment," Charlie responded. "I got
divorced two years back, and Scott and Jake are holding onto their
single status the same as Mike is."
"I was sort of wondering that if you're married, how come your wives
are letting you go on a trip like this," Kenny said and let out a small
laughter. "My Christine would never trust me to stay on the narrow path
if I wanted to come with you."
"Yes, I would!" she interjected from the kitchen. "I know you are
always faithful to me, honey!"
"Where was it that you were going?" Kenny asked us. "Texas?"
"Yeah. My extended family owns a small ranch there, up in the
Panhandle," Jake said. "Nobody has lived there year round since my
grandparents moved here, but my father's relatives have kept the house
as a getaway for the winter months. They agreed to let us stay there
for a week or two. We jumped at the chance as we thought every one of
us could use a little vacation."
"Life's been pretty hectic for you, I take it."
"I'm not sure if 'hectic' is quite the right word. I suppose you could
say we simply wanted a break from the routine."
"I know what you mean. So, anyway, what are you going to do there? Just
relax and hang around, or are you planning on some specific
activities?"
"Nothing much, except maybe a little plinking."
"Plinking?"
"Yep, informal target practice; you know, shooting at old rusty barrels
and buckets and things like that for fun."
Kenny gave the impression of being slightly taken aback by this piece
of information. "Shooting? You're saying you take an air gun and...?"
"No, the guns I take burn powder when they shoot," Jake said and
laughed. "Sure, air rifles can be fun when you don't want lots of noise
and don't have too much space around you, but bringing one all the way
across the country would be silly when there are other, more gratifying
options. Besides, this is Texas we're talking about."
For the first time during our visit, the man of the house was at a
plain loss of words, even though he succeeded in maintaining a polite
if shaky smile on his face. I sensed that firearms and their advocates
didn't sit particularly well with the general world view of the Taylors
who, judging by most of what we had seen and heard up to that point,
likely had progressive and liberal tendencies when it came to politics.
"Oh, right," Kenny uttered after collecting his thoughts for a few
seconds. "A hobby of yours?"
"Something like that," Jake said.
In passing, I wondered what I should say for my part if Kenny were to
start interviewing us about our hobbies in general. The honest answer
with respect to the last four weeks and according to my confused
memory--slaying vampires and and spending time in and out of mental
hospitals--was probably best kept under wraps.
"Um, Mike," Kenny continued, deftly changing the subject, "how is your
sister doing? I heard she was going through a rough patch some time
ago, I think, but I never learned any specifics. I trust she's okay?"
"She's more or less okay now," I said.
"If you're not comfortable talking---"
"No, it's fine." I sat up, took a slow breath to compose my thoughts
and went on, "It's no secret, after all. She got married last summer to
a certain fellow who wasn't... how should I put this--ideal boyfriend
material. They only lasted for a couple of months, and that was it."
"Jeez," Kenny said sympathetically. "It must have been dreadful. I'm
sorry."
"Well, in my honest opinion it was for the best that the relationship
came to a quick end. If two people are just not right for each other,
trying to stay together no matter what can only lead to trouble."
"I guess you're right."
I was mildly tempted to explain the whole sorry saga to him, how
Shitbag had used her, manipulated her and attempted to control her
completely and how she had eventually broken free at the cost of
considerable emotional distress and trauma. The only upside in the
whole debacle was the fact that the asshole had not been quite smart
enough to pull his scheme off properly. It had been close, though, much
too close for comfort. As a result, I nursed an unrelenting hatred
towards Shitbag and would even then have gladly taken any opportunity
to look at him through the sights of Jake's AR-15. However, it was not
appropriate for me to go around spreading the unpleasant story with all
of its details, and so I made up my mind not to divulge any more to
Kenny and Christine. Scott already knew almost everything and Jake and
Charlie knew enough to understand why I loathed Kate's ex-husband with
a passion.
Christine brought us the coffee. She had a tray with a large mug for
each of us, and these she set carefully on the table, with a paper
napkin next to every cup. "There you go, gents!" she said with another
brilliant smile. "No farm animal had to suffer for this treat."
"Oh, that's... nice," Scott commented but didn't manage to sound as
convincing as he probably would have liked.
"Are any of you guys vegans or vegetarians?" Christine asked, picking
up her mug.
"No, not really," Charlie said. "We eat pretty much what we can afford
to buy."
"You really should try it," the hostess suggested. "You can have a
perfectly balanced diet and get all the essentials you need while
keeping your conscience clean, knowing you're doing your part to keep
the planet alive."
Following the Taylors' lead, we also took our mugs one by one and
sampled the drink, Jake somewhat more reluctantly than the others. It
was hot and strong, and the milk substitute, whatever it actually was,
did its job at least moderately well. One could almost imagine it was
the real thing, aside from an unusual treacly aftertaste that I did not
find particularly appealing. Dan, to our amazement, grabbed his coffee
and downed it all in two big gulps. He went on to wipe the foam left on
his lips with his sleeve and said to the couple, "Thank you."
"I guess you were a little thirsty there, friend," Kenny said and
flashed another uncertain smile. He clearly didn't know what to make of
Dan, and I felt a twinge of embarrassment for our accidental traveling
companion. "Would you like another?"
"Not right now. Thank you. It was good."
"Do you still have a long drive ahead of you tonight?" Christine
inquired.
"About 200 miles, if I recall correctly," I said in a deliberately
dismissive tone. "Of course, we need to deviate a little from our
planned route and drop Dan off in Bedford, but that shouldn't take too
long. We're staying at a motel tonight."
"And then? What about tomorrow?"
"Basically more of the same. We're hoping to make better time then and
leave the winter behind."
"It's not my place to criticize your carefully thought out itinerary,"
Kenny cut in, "but don't you think 200 miles is a bit ambitious for
what's left of today? I mean, it's already getting dark out there and
the roads could be icy."
"You've got an excellent point there, honey," Christine accompanied her
husband and then addressed us again, "Really, you guys should spend the
night here! We've got enough room for everyone, and it makes no sense
to leave and go driving like crazy into the night. The weather forecast
said we could get freezing temperatures and maybe even snow before
tomorrow morning."
"Thanks for your generous offer," I said, "but I think we have to get
going. Dan's cousin, I believe, is waiting for him in Bedford and we'd
have to cancel..."
"I'm sure he can call his relative and tell him to be there to meet him
tomorrow instead of today," Kenny said. "Right, Dan?"
"Okay," Dan mumbled. "I can do that."
"Still, it's an awful lot of trouble for you," I insisted and nodded
towards Dan to send a silent message to the Taylors. I wanted them to
realize that we needed to get rid of him post haste and Kenny and
Christine, despite their commendable motives, were not helping by
promising to give him and the rest of us a bed for the night. "You
see..."
"No trouble at all!" Christine countered. "We get visitors so seldom
it's our pleasure. Trust us."
"Come to think of it," Charlie injected, "it would be a pretty tiring
task for you to get us to our destination, Mike, especially if there's
snow and ice."
"Nonsense," I laughed. "I'm not tired in the slightest. It's not like I
didn't get a good night's sleep yesterday, and we've only been on the
road for a couple of hours." This was perhaps not entirely true;
nonetheless, I was hoping to avoid any unnecessary delay and was full-
heartedly against one that meant we might be stuck with Dan for another
day.
"I'll make us dinner," Christine promised. "Even if I say so myself, my
cooking beats hands down anything you can get at your typical wayside
diner."
"And I can guarantee that's an understatement," Kenny added.
We went through another round of essentially the same courteous
arguments and counter-arguments for continuing our journey immediately,
and then a third, until I remained the only one wanting to get back on
the road that night. Even Jake was wavering, and Scott and Charlie now
wanted to stop for the night, primarily to let me get enough rest. Dan
had made no comment and would probably have been equally happy, or
equally unhappy, either way. "Okay, you win," I conceded with a small
laugh intended to conceal my disappointment. "If everybody else says
so, we're staying."
"That's fantastic, guys!" Kenny exclaimed happily. "Now we've got time
to catch up properly!"
"I need to cancel our motel room reservation," I pointed out, mainly to
myself--and then the whole thing immediately slipped out of my mind.
Considering how the evening turned out, this was more than fortunate.
"Honey," a smiling Christine suggested, "why don't you show your
friends around a bit. I'll start fixing us something to eat meanwhile."
"Okay. Follow me then, folks."
Kenny treated us to a tour of his house. We started from the living
room and its entertainment center, moved on to his study, snuck a peak
at the bedroom and guest rooms (one of which was slated for a
conversion to nursery when the time came), visited the upstairs terrace
briefly to have a look at the solar panels and were given an
introduction to the environmentally friendly heating system and its
benefits. Following this, we went outside for a short while to see what
Kenny and Christine had done with the surroundings and what their plans
were for the future, and finally we ended up in the garage. It was
enormous, almost voluminous enough to accommodate half of Greensville
Fire Department. The facility seemed even larger since it contained
exactly two motor vehicles of any description: the couple's modest
Toyota hybrid and Kenny's lawnmower. These two looked lonely and nearly
comical sitting next to one another in the otherwise empty, hugely
oversized space.
"Everybody at the office drives or at least wants a Tesla," Kenny said,
pointing at the car, "and I've also been thinking of buying one, but
it's perhaps not your ideal means of transportation if you want to live
in this neck of the woods. Besides, Christine thinks we don't need
another car anyway."
"You've still got a bit of room left to expand the fleet," Scott
commented, "if she ever changes her mind."
"Yeah," Kenny replied, apparently oblivious to the little double barb
my cousin had served him. "You've got to plan ahead. That's one of my
mottos."
There was little else to see within an easy walking distance, so we
promptly returned indoors. Christine was waiting for us in the hall,
and Dan--who had been all but forgotten about by everyone--was quietly
sitting exactly where we had left him, in the living room couch, and
again busily playing on his cell phone.
"The food should be ready in an hour," Mrs. Taylor told us. "By the
way, Kenny, I just had an idea. Maybe your friends would like to see
our special party trick?"
"Oh, right!" Kenny said, with his face brightening up. "I'm sure they
would! Let's do it!"
"Okay," Christine explained to us with bubbly excitement, "we two go to
the bedroom---"
"And no, this is not what you think!" Kenny interrupted her with a
laugh. "It's nice and totally clean adult fun, I promise."
"Yeah, so, we go to the bedroom, and you come up and join us when we
call you," Christine went on. "That's because we need a little time to
prepare for the trick. There will be a big surprise for you. What do
you say?"
That was when our troubles on the trip started for real.
"I guess we're game," Charlie replied for all of us, not without
significant hesitation. Somehow all of us sensed that we should have
given a polite pass to Christine's suggestion, but it was already too
late.
"As long as it's all in clean fun, like you said," Jake added.
"Yeah!" Christine shrieked almost like a teen girl and clapped her
hands together. "This is going to be so cool! Wait for us here!" With
that, she and Kenny scooted away together and almost ran up the stairs.
"I'll go get some clothes and the personal hygiene stuff from the car
for us," Charlie said, "if we're staying overnight here. Might as well
use the time productively."
"I'll give you a hand," Jake said. "Mike, do you have the keys?"
"The car doors shouldn't be locked."
"Okay. We'll be right back."
Scott and I remained in the hall, waiting for whatever was to come.
After a short silence, he looked at me and asked in a low voice,
"What do you think they're up to?"
"I haven't got a clue," I confessed. "Probably some unfunny practical
joke, I'd presume."
"Kenny never was much of a joker, practical or otherwise," he
commented.
"He never was much of a vegan or an environmentalist either, let alone
a family man. I bet it's the wife; she has been molding him into
whatever he is today."
"I can see why that would work," Scott said. "Honestly, the chick is
unbelievably hot. No doubt she can wrap pretty much any man around her
little finger. The only thing I don't get is why she would go for
someone like Kenny--or Kenny as he used to be before he changed into
that pretentious douche."
"If you ever figure that that out, promise you'll---"
"Guys!" Christine announced in a sing-song voice from upstairs. "We're
ready!"
"Okay, here goes," Scott said and took off towards the staircase.
"Let's get this over with."
"Wait a second," I told him. My cell phone had sounded the signal that
it had just received a new text message, and I wanted to read it first,
in case it was from my parents or Kate.
"Come up when you're done," he said and started to climb the stairs.
The text message turned out to be a false alarm, simply an
advertisement from my operator. I skimmed the text over quickly, to be
certain that it didn't require any action from me, locked the phone's
keys again and shoved the device back into my trouser pocket. Just then
Scott called,
"Mike? I think you'd better come and take a look at this..."
I immediately picked up on the tone of genuine apprehension and alarm
in his voice, so I half ran, half walked to the staircase and then went
up the stairs two steps at a time. Something out of the ordinary had to
be happening; Scott was hardly a man who got scared easily. An
unpleasant tingling was spreading in the back of my neck as I reached
the wide open bedroom door and looked inside.
My first reaction was that the couple was going to draw us into some
weird sex games after all. Kenny had shed his clothes, which were now
scattered across the bed and the floor, and Christine was helping him
into some kind of a suit that covered him up to his neck. She was
blocking my view momentarily, but as she moved to the side, I had to
gasp for breath.
What Kenny was wearing was a skinsuit--exactly like the one Kate had
made me get into for the imaginary Halloween party years ago. He was
encased in a costume that bore the perfect likeness of a young woman,
with still flat but sizable breasts, curvy hips and a feminine cleft in
the shaven crotch. Only the headpiece remained to be donned. It hung on
his chest with its mass of long blond hair flowing down. I shivered all
over at the terror-inspiring scene, and Scott seemed to be frozen in
place, desperately trying to comprehend what we were seeing.
"Hey," Christine said to Scott and me, "isn't this fantastic? You'll
soon get to see what it does!"
"You'll be absolutely psyched!" Kenny accompanied her, with his lips
curving into a wide, downright lecherous smile. Never before had I seen
an expression even remotely like that on his homely face. "Hurry up,
will you, dear?"
Only too glad to comply, Christine grabbed the edge of the headpiece
and pulled it over Kenny's head. She ran her hands across his neck to
close the opening carefully, adjusted the fit on his cheeks and chin a
little and then stepped back. I wanted to tear my eyes off the
spectacle unfolding right in front of me, but it felt physically
impossible to look away.
For the first time, I got to witness a skinsuit transformation as an
outside observer. Kenny stood still, with the skin on, for a few
seconds before anything seemed to happen. His bulk stretched the suit's
features--the nose, the eyes, the chest, the shoulders and the legs--
out of proportion, as was to be expected. Then, almost imperceptibly
slowly, his extremities began to slim down. The toes and feet became
gradually smaller, and after them the fingers and the hands. All of a
sudden the changes sped up tremendously: his whole body seemed to
distort and morph smoothly all at once, as if a wave were passing
through a viscous liquid, and then settle into its new form. There was
no sound, except maybe a very quiet swish that was all but drowned out
by my own racing heartbeat echoing in my ears. The whole process would
not have looked out of ordinary on a movie screen, in company of other
similar special effects that had become stock-in-trade of modern
filmmakers with the availability of powerful computers, and it was over
in a matter of seconds.
The transformed Kenny turned to face us. He had apparently become a
perfect duplicate of Christine, down to her smile, her eyes, dimples,
haircut, arms, legs, even her teeth. He had lost a few inches of height
and at least some 40 pounds of weight. Clearing his throat gently, he
said, "Hello. I'm Christine Taylor, but you can call me Chrissie. My
friends do." The voice was an exact copy of hers as well, including the
fine details of intonation.
"Wow! You look so delectable, Chrissie!" the original Christine gushed
and pulled her newly-minted identical twin into a hug. It was followed
by a passionate kiss, both lesbian and incestuous if taken at face
value. The two Christines let their tongues twirl in each other's mouth
for nearly a minute, lost in their intimate moment and oblivious to
their audience.
"I was thinking," the new Christine said after they had eventually
ended their kiss and embrace. "We should give some suits to the guests
too. The more the merrier, as they say!"
"That's a great idea!" the original Christine complimented her.
"Luckily we've got plenty of suits to go around. Who do you think the
guys should be turned into?"
"Hmm. Scott there," the former Kenny began and pointed her finger at my
cousin, "could be... another me!"
The other Christine was overjoyed at this. "I like the way your mind
works!"
"Is it any wonder? After all, I am you!"
"Yes, you are, Chrissie! But we still haven't decided who the others
will be. As for Mike..." She aimed an examining look at me and tapped
at her chin with her index finger. "Who should he become? Right, that's
it! I've got it! He's going to be Mali!"
"Oh yeah, that's definitely the best persona for him! He's going to
make such a beautiful Thai girl of sixteen! Maybe she'll even let both
of us eat her out after she's done transforming!"
"We have to be sure to ask her nicely!" the original Christine added
with sparkling laughter.
It was then that I finally bolted. My movement also broke the spell
Scott had been under, and together we dashed to the staircase. I ran
down the stairs as fast as I could, and my cousin followed right behind
me in what was close to an uncontrolled fall. "Jake! Charlie!" I
yelled. "Put it back! Put it all back! We're leaving now!"
Both men reentered the house just as we reached the downstairs floor.
Each of them had brought a duffel bag from the car, and Charlie also
had his winter jacket draped over his arm. They naturally had no idea
what had transpired and were staring at Scott and me with dumbfounded
looks on their faces.
"What?" Jake asked, dropping his bag on the floor. "What's going on
here? Calm down, guys!"
"We're leaving!" I repeated forcefully. "Pick that up! Take all the
stuff back into the car and let's go!"
"Why?" he demanded. "What is it?"
I heard soft footsteps from above, and as I turned to look, I saw both
Christines descending the stairs, the clothed one leading the naked
one. They walked with the same graceful motions, their hips swaying in
the same rhythm. Neither of them seemed to be in any hurry, as though
they knew we could not or would not escape.
"Don't leave so soon, guys," the naked one cooed seductively. "You
haven't even tried your suits on yet!"
"Listen to her," the other Christine echoed her clone's sentiment. "We
can have so much fun together! I promise to be gentle to you, Mali.
You're my dear little flower."
"And mine," the other added. "This house will be full of lovely girls!"
"Holy shit, what the hell is this?" Charlie blurted out as his eyes
grew wide at the otherworldly sight. "What---?"
"Fucking move it now!" I yelled at both him and Jake at the top of my
lungs. "Go go go!"
At long last, my words had the desired effect. With me almost pushing
the others out of the door, all four of us made a hasty exit from the
house. The general commotion had even managed to rouse Dan, who jogged
slowly out of the house on his own accord and made a beeline across the
front yard for my car while we were already shoving the bags back into
the trunk as best we could. His entire existence had dropped out of our
minds in the midst of the sudden excitement and terror, and were it not
for his own initiative, we probably would have left him behind to face
an unknowable fate.
The others continued to fuss with the luggage while I hurriedly
occupied the driver's seat. "Faster!" I commanded them. "What the fuck
is taking you people so long?"
"This bag won't fit!" Jake shouted back. "It was fine when we left
Charlie's apartment, but---"
"Throw it away if you have to, but we're not staying here!"
The trunk lid slammed shut five seconds later, and then my friends took
their seats. There was some minor scuffling and swearing as Scott and
Charlie had to maneuver Dan to his place in the middle of the back
seat, but at long last all the car doors were closed. Without waiting
for the others to buckle up properly, I started the engine, put the car
in gear and stepped on the gas. I thought I saw the front door of the
house open as I was turning the vehicle around, but no one seemed to
come out. When the coast was clear, I rushed down Kenny's driveway at a
dangerous speed. My every instinct was ordering me to get as far away
from that location as possible, as quickly as possible.
I was supposed to turn left at the junction where the driveway met the
local road, that is, back in the direction we had come from, but in my
excitement I turned right instead. I cursed under my breath as soon as
I realized my mistake but took no action to correct it. Turning around
would have cost us precious time--and maybe our identities as well, if
the insane skinsuit couple was following us.
The inhospitable landscape was dark and the small road unfamiliar to
me. Nevertheless, I kept going forward and maintained a speed that was
only barely safe, scanning the view intently through the windshield to
spot any signs of potential danger in good time. All my attention was
concentrated on operating the car; I was almost like a robot programmed
to reach its destination with the minimum feasible delay. One part of
my mind fully expected to see lights in the rear view mirror and
another car closing in on us from behind at any second, and I was
automatically making rough estimates and plans as to how much faster I
could reasonably go in the current conditions. As a result, I was all
but unaware of the heavy, uneasy silence in the passenger compartment
until some time had passed without incident and I found myself again
relaxing, even if only very slightly.
Eventually, Jake took it upon himself to start a new conversation. He
asked emphatically, directing his words at no one in particular,
"Anybody mind telling me just what the fuck happened back there?"
"Who was the other woman?" Charlie wondered. "Does Christine have a
twin?"
"That was Kenny Taylor," I said.
"What!?" Charlie exclaimed. His incredulity was palpable, as was
Jake's. "Kenny?"
"Yeah."
"I don't get it," Jake said. "What the hell do you mean, Mike?"
"It really was Kenny," Scott confirmed, coming to my support. "When you
two were outside, Christine called from the bedroom and told me and
Mike to come and take a look. I went first and Mike came up a little
bit later. When I got there, Kenny had taken all of his clothes off and
was putting on some sort of a strange suit. I don't know what it is. It
looked like a... Well, if you take an inflatable sex doll and cut it
open so you can actually step inside it and wear it like a costume,
then that would be pretty close."
"What kind of a sick pervert would want to do that?" Jake spat out in
disgust.
"That's not the point," Scott argued. "I'm only saying the suit looked
like one; I have no clue as to what it actually was. Anyway, Kenny
donned it with Christine's help, head to toe, and she closed it up for
him. After that--again, I don't know what really happened or how it
came about, but the suit did something to Kenny. He got smaller and the
suit disappeared, or seemed to disappear. When it was all done, he
looked, sounded and acted precisely like Christine."
"Mike?" Charlie asked. "Is that what you saw?"
"Yes. I witnessed the same thing, and it was like Scott described."
"Guys," Jake weighed in, "are you certain you weren't... mistaken
somehow? What you told us is not possible."
"But we saw two Christines as well," Charlie pointed out, "and one of
them had no clothes on. They were coming down the stairs. Remember?"
"True, but let's be logical here for a moment," Jake pleaded. "People
don't transform into other people. That's contrary to just about every
single law of nature there is. Therefore, we need to find another
explanation. Could it have been special effects makeup, or something in
that vein? Maybe they have a professional artist as a friend, and that
person has made them a mask of Christine so they can play pranks at
their visitors?"
"No, that doesn't come close to explaining it," Scott rejected the
hypothesis. "How could a rubber mask, no matter how realistic, change
Kenny's height and voice? Besides, he had Christine's whole body, with
boobs and pussy and everything."
"Okay, so the makeup artist made Kenny an entire Christine suit out of
rubber or silicone. That's pretty seriously fucked up, to be sure, but
hey--who am I to judge?"
"Still doesn't explain his height and voice, not to mention his weight.
Christine is pretty tall but she's also thin. Kenny would never fit
inside of her."
"Are we absolutely sure Kenny's height changed for real? Maybe we were
so surprised and worked up that we only thought he was the same size as
Christine when he had the suit on."
"His height changed," Scott said with a tone of finality. "And his
voice changed."
"Charlie," Jake said and turned to his friend for help. "A little
assistance, if you will."
"Sorry, man, but I've got to side with Scott here. The women were
totally identical."
"I give you they looked that way, but perhaps that's not what they
really were. Mike, do you have any ideas?"
I had spent the last minutes lost in thought and had not paid close
attention to the ongoing conversation and theorizing. This was not the
first time I had seen the skinsuits in action. In fact, I had worn one,
not once but twice, if my experiences were real and recollections
thereof accurate. I had become Buffy the Vampire Slayer, first when my
sister Kate had talked me into trying on a suit for a Halloween party,
and then for a second time when I had been visited by the person who
had been born as Larry Simmons but who had turned himself into Faith,
another character from the Buffy show. A skinsuit had transformed Jake
into Willow Rosenberg, and two other suits had made Scott and Charlie
into Dawn Summers and Cordelia Chase, respectively, even though they
obviously had no memory of any of this. I knew the transformation was
actual, down to the molecules of the suit wearer's body; and I knew
that the suit could be taken off, provided that it was not worn for too
long, by locating a round black spot on its back and pressing that with
the wearer's fingers. Lastly, I knew the suits were not simple
inanimate objects but instead complex organic constructs, possibly
living beings in their own right, with a limited awareness of the
outside world and even the ability to move short distances in an
emergency.
But I realized I could share none of this--at least not yet. I had done
my best to rationalize the memories as hallucinations and attribute
them to a psychotic breakdown, and if not for the cursed receipt in my
pocket and the incident in Kenny's house, that reasoning would have
worked neatly. Now, however, I had to reckon with them all over again.
I needed more time to think and more information to work with, so it
was much too early to let my friends in on my own theories and secrets.
"No," I said slowly. "Not really. I'm at a loss." That much was true; I
honestly didn't know what was going on.
"At least we can't complain that this vacation is boring," Scott
quipped. "Who knows, maybe the motel is owned by Norman Bates and
there's still more fun to come."
"One deranged crossdresser is plenty enough for me," Charlie said.
By that time, I had only a very sketchy idea of our whereabouts and the
lay of the land. As far as I could tell, we were headed in a generally
southern direction. To get to Bedford and then to the town where the
motel was located, we would have had to turn west, and I kept looking
for any crossroads that might offer us a shortcut back to the main road
which we had left when we had taken the turn onto this road and which
had to be at least 40 miles behind us by now. Instead, only small
driveways and agricultural paths diverged from the road to the right.
We soon passed through a sleepy little town and then found ourselves on
another deserted stretch surrounded by fields and woods.
"Jake," I told my co-pilot, "turn on your cell's navigator software and
find us an alternate route to the motel. I'm no longer sure where we
are."
"Just a sec," he replied.
"One thing is certain," Charlie commented. "Bedford's off the table
now."
"It's been off the table ever since we stayed at Kenny's mansion after
finishing our coffee," I said. "There is no way to get there and then
reach the motel if we want to go to sleep before something like five in
the morning. We have to take Dan to Bedford tomorrow."
"And that basically means we fall at least half a day behind schedule,"
Jake grumbled.
"We can probably make good most of that loss," I said, "if there are no
major hiccups tomorrow and the day after that."
"Yes. If."
"Dan," Scott addressed the newest addition to our gang, "did you call
your cousin and that friend of yours---"
"Kent Noggin," Dan supplied.
"Kent Noggin. Did you call them to tell you won't make it today?"
"No," he said in his typical disinterested and mentally absent manner.
"Wait, what? You didn't?"
"I texted them."
"Did you, for sure?" Jake asked in turn.
"Yeah."
"So they know you can't come to Bedford until tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"And you're not just saying that so we won't be mad at you?" Scott
interrogated him
"No. I texted them. Honest."
"Alright then," Jake said, but his face betrayed a certain amount of
distrust in Dan's words.
As the clock crept towards midnight, I began to feel drowsier with each
passing mile. The shock and horror of the metamorphosis we had
witnessed at Kenny's had made our adrenaline flow, suppressing any need
I might have had for sleep, but now the effect was rapidly wearing off
and turning into its opposite, which naturally added to my existing
fatigue. Jake continued to act as our navigator and I kept driving on
in the darkness, doing my best to stay on the road, avoid colliding
with anything and turn when he told me I should turn. It seemed we
would never get there. Whenever I asked him how far we still had to go,
the answer was always more than I thought was plausible. The distance
simply didn't seem to decrease according to the customary laws of
physics and mathematics.
When we finally pulled up in the motel parking lot and got out of the
car, I felt like I was walking in a fog. While Jake had called the
establishment two hours earlier to notify them that we would arrive
after the nominal check-in hours, I was anxious to make sure we would
indeed get the two rooms we had paid for; and then there was the matter
of arranging a bed for Dan. Sure enough, the middle-aged man behind the
reception desk gave the impression that someone with the tact and
patience of a Marine Corps drill instructor had woken him up in the
middle of the sweetest slumber and dragged him out of bed just to serve
the five of us, and his joyless, semi-professional smile was so clearly
counterfeit that it hardly escaped even Dan's notice.
A short haggle with respect to Dan's accommodation ensued. The manager
had no objections to an additional guest per se, after we shelled out
the bills to cover for one more person's breakfast, but he made it
plain right away that a proper additional bed in one of our rooms would
also cost us extra and that setting one up at this hour was not
something he would gladly do, notwithstanding the advertising poster on
the wall that said, "The customer is always right with us!" In the end,
we agreed to settle for a mattress and the bedding that went with it.
Dan would have to sleep on the floor but it was the least of our
worries at that point. None of us was willing to keep arguing with the
manager or to pay considerably more for the night for his sake.
"There are your keys, gentlemen," the manager finally said and covered
his mouth with his hand as he yawned. "The breakfast is at seven thirty
until nine thirty, down that hall. Ask the chambermaid for the
mattress, she'll bring it for you. Good night."
"Good night," Scott said for all of us.
"Alright," Jake declared after the man had left us alone in the hall,
"who gets to bunk where?"
"I honestly don't care," I said and blinked several times, trying
desperately to stay awake for a few more minutes. "Let's just all go to
sleep."
"Why don't you and Scott share a room," Charlie suggested to me. "Jake
and I can take the other one. We actually agreed on something along
those lines way back when, if I recall."
"Yeah, but what about Dan?" Jake piped up. "Where is he going to stay?"
"We'll watch over him," Charlie volunteered. "He's a docile enough
fellow, from what we've seen so far, and even if he starts yelling and
singing at night, it's better for everyone if that happens in our room
and not yours."
"How so?" Jake inquired sharply. He was definitely not keen on the idea
of having to share a room with Dan.
"Mike's driving," Charlie pointed out. "If any of us needs a good
sleep, it's him."
"We all need a good sleep after today."
"Yeah, sure, but some still need it more than others. If you're
volunteering to drive, then that's different, of course."
"Alright, fine," Jake yielded. Even though he had a driver's license,
as did Scott and Charlie, he was usually not very eager to drive long
distances, much less in someone else's car, unless he had to. This was
one of the reasons why we had concluded that my main contribution to
our trip would be to provide the vehicle and then to sit behind the
wheel. "But just this once. We're cutting Dan loose tomorrow, and
that's final."
"Sure thing, Jake. It's not like he's going to Texas or anything with
us."
"He'd better not. The way I see it, this little jaunt is already on the
skids."
This conversation took place right under Dan's nose, but he retained
his indifferent attitude and eyed the walls and the furniture of the
motel reception room instead of paying any real attention to what we
were saying. Perhaps, I thought, it was either because he didn't know
how to express indignation in a socially acceptable manner and so
pretended not to hear us at all or because he simply couldn't focus on
other people unless he was directly engaged by them. An autistic
disorder of some sort was likely among his issues.
We had to retrieve some of our personal belongings from the car,
including toiletries and fresh underwear. In addition, Jake flat out
refused to keep his firearms in the trunk overnight, fearing they might
be stolen (he made a point to say, however, that he had no special lack
of confidence in the lock system of my car), so he brought all the gun
cases to his and Charlie's room. The chambermaid--a plump, friendly
woman of about fifty in a dirty work uniform--brought Dan his mattress,
and then we were finally ready to go through our bedtime routines and
hit the sack.
Once in my room, I kicked my shoes off, stripped off my clothes except
the boxers and trudged to the bathroom. I splashed some water on my
face, washed my armpits and brushed my teeth. I barely had the strength
left to go back to the room and collapse on the left-hand side bed.
Scott, meanwhile, had been sitting on the other bed, checking his e-
mail and text messages on his phone. He got up and announced, "Me and
the guys thought we'd get a little something to eat before we go to
sleep. There's an all-hours diner right across the street from here,
and it doesn't look too seedy. Would you like to join us?"
"Thanks, but I'll pass," I muttered against my pillow, too tired to
turn my head. I had not even noticed there was a diner in the
neighborhood. "I'm not that hungry. I'll see you at breakfast."
"Okay. I'll take the key and let myself in quietly. Good night, Mike."
"Good night. Tell the guys I'm sorry I can't come."
"It's no big deal. We understand."
"Tell them anyway."
"Fine, I'll do that if you want. See you in a bit."
"See you."
Scott closed the door behind him and left me alone in the motel room.
Although I fully expected to fall asleep at once, the images of the
inexplicable occurrence at Kenny Taylor's house continued to play out
and repeat in my head. Some alertness still remained, keeping me aware
of my surroundings in case I had to flee from a threat again.
Had it actually happened? Had I seen Kenny transform himself into a
copy of his wife, or was that a hallucination? It felt unreal and my
mind was telling me that it was impossible, yet the memory of him
morphing right before my eyes and then talking to me and Scott as
Christine was extremely vivid. No matter how much I wanted to, I could
not simply ignore it. Scott could corroborate my story, and Jake and
Charlie had seen the two Christines as well, as they themselves had
confirmed. Unless the entire trip and everything that had happened
since the morning were mere products of my imagination, something
extraordinary was going on.
On the other hand, maybe it was indeed my imagination and I was losing
it again. I could be going through the prelude to another psychotic
episode, another visit to Looneyland. I would need to contact the
hospital and the senior ward doctor first thing the next morning. This
was just my luck. The Texas trip and the sorely needed vacation would
be completely ruined.
Then, all of a sudden I felt determined not to allow that to happen. I
had plenty of time to stay in a psych ward after we returned from our
journey. To hell with these stupid disturbances; I'd just grin and bear
it, as long as nothing worse than Kenny Taylor turning into a woman
took place. My friends depended on me, and I would not let them down.
These thoughts checked the scary fresh memories and troublesome
prospects of the future and put them under control. When Scott returned
to the room later at night, I was fast asleep.
(To be continued...)