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MOM: Guess who's here, birthday boy? WILL: Mom! You didn't tell me you were gonna invite Amelia! MOM: But why shouldn't your ex-girlfriend come to your party? You two dated for a whole year, and even though she never let you have sex with her, you told me over and over how Amelia would always be your dream girl. AMELIA: Hey, William! Or did somebody say it's Willow now? Gosh, that fairy dress sure looks cute on you. I had one just like it once for Halloween. When I was seven, that is. Who did your hair? WILL: Um... I dunno... We went to a salon today. MOM: Amelia, you're going to have to excuse Willow's manners. Swishy butt here thinks that just because he turned 18 that he's Miss Know It All. Fact is, his mommy still has to bathe him in a tub, scrub his little behind, help him into a dress without it being turned inside out, and drive him to ballet class. WILL: Mom! MOM: Now, Willow, you know we learned from your therapist that you have to admit both to yourself and others the reality of your feminine nature. Dr. Pamela will be so proud that you showed off your pretty things to your former sweetheart. And that you apologized to Amelia for hurting her. WILL: Hurting her? But Amelia is the one who broke things off. MOM: Let's be honest, baby gurl. You wasted a year of Amelia's life by pretending to be a real boy, when in fact you never had the strength or courage or even the penis size to qualify as a normal guy. AMELIA: Well, it's true, Willow. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy our sophomore high school year together. Going to the library, the comic book store, and the dinosaur museum was amusing at that age, I suppose. Holding hands with you was sweet, but I never got a below the belt tingle from it, babe. So junior year when I traded in my glasses for contacts and a coach told me to try out for cheerleading, I said maybe I need this in my life. I know you and I used to constantly rag on that clique of shallow airheads. But after I got on the squad I found out how thrilling and sexy athletes are. And when we rode on the same bus as the football team, I really got an education. I learned to overcome all my old racial prejudices. Black athletes really helped me appreciate the physical nature of my being. Sitting close to them and feeling their soft lips on my neck and their big hands between my legs, was like discovering my nervous and muscular systems for the first time. Black men helped me overcome so many stupid inhibitions I had about nudity and intimacy and penetration. And I learned how to really strengthen and stretch the muscles in my throat and anus and vagina. It was a bit demeaning at first to be passed around from player to player like an inflatable sex doll. But I figure that was the least I could do to help overcome centuries of white oppression. And after a year of hanging out with a limp-wristed, weak-kneed, runny nose wimp like you, being the plaything of hard-bodied, domineering men felt sinfully good. MOM: Uh-oh, here come the waterworks. Willow, stop that crying or you'll ruin the professional makeup design we got for you at the salon. That's right, dear, gently dab, don't wipe, with your lacy pink hankie. Of course, it's true that Dr. Pamela said that a good cry once a day will help you get in touch with the girly two-thirds of yourself. Now, baby, what do you have to say to this young woman? WILL: Amelia, I'm sorry for taking up your time when you could have gotten gang-banged by the football team at 15. AMELIA: That's all right, princess. Oh, you know I completely forgot to introduce my steady boyfriend Deontay. DEONTAY: How y'all doin'? AMELIA: Willow, you know I'm a pre-med major, right? We volunteer at the Coliseum to wrap ankles and elbows and give massages. Well, when I saw this conference champion wrestler, I just couldn't keep my little white girl hands off his hot black body. We're now together all the time. And somehow even that's not enough. "The fire at midnight does NOT burn out by daybreak." When we make love, I feel like I'm just an extension of his magnificent physique. DEONTAY: Tell the truth, girl! AMELIA: Willow, I noticed that I haven't seen you on the college campus the past few months. WILL: I... I had to drop out. AMELIA: Someone as bright as you?! MOM: The truth is, Little Miss Smarty Panties got himself arrested and expelled from university. My son the sex pervert stole the dorm manager's pass key and used it to illegally enter coed bedrooms and pilfer panties and other intimate garments from used laundry baskets. Then, at night while normal students were going to clubs or concerts or getting laid, Willie the Gremlin would bury his face in a pile of crotch-wear and shamefully abuse his pathetic pecker. Isn't that right, sweetie? WILL: Ummm. MOM: This went on until a senior girl walked into her room, catching the creep in the act. She grabbed him by the ear and walked him to the nearest campus cop. You may know that theft of undergarments is now a Class 3 sexual assault crime that carries a five to ten year sentence. Fortunately, we worked out a plea bargain. Tell Amelia and her handsome lover what you have to do instead of going to prison with men who rape boys. WILL: I have to wear... short little girl dresses all the time so women know that I'm not a real man. I have to take female hormones to make me soft and weak and reduce my ability to make sperm. And... and I have to wear a chastity cage on my penis. MOM: Show them your anti-masturbation device, precious. Go on, lift your frilly fairy dress and pull down those prissy little panties. DEONTAY: Wow! AMELIA: Oh my god! 'Tay, you couldn't even fit the head of your battering ram in that tiny cup, much less the ten-inch shaft. MOM: Tell them what else, sugarplum. WILL: For a year I have to go to Sissy School. AMELIA: What's that, princess? WILL: It's a place where sissies like me learn how to make ourselves sweet and pretty so that dominant men and women will want to adopt us. AMELIA: Well, I never! Tell us what you've learned so far. WILL: Mornings we work on hair and nails and skin treatments and makeup. Afternoons we study dress design and hand-sew playsuits and rompers. Some days we get lectured on virginity and mental hygiene and avoiding wee-wee leakage. Other times we get visitors who explain why so many boys and girls hate us and do mean things to us and why we deserve it. Almost always the rule is to shut up and take it. One thing they repeat over and over is that this is what we're born for, and the sooner we stop sobbing and accept it, the easier the future will be. MOM: Once a month, Sissy School has a Discipline Night. The very best sissies are rewarded with a five-minute vacation from the cage and are allowed a milking session with a favorite teacher. But other sissies with a large number of demerits get caned by the staff, the targets typically being buttocks, balls, and the sissy's non-erectile organ. Based on reports I'm getting, I know a certain fairy princess who is in for a major chastisement this Friday night. I'd love for you to join us at 7:30 at the Sissy School. Come early or you'll have to sit on Deontay's lap. AMELIA: No problem. I do that a lot just for fun. You can definitely expect us on Friday. Not for the world would I miss seeing my little fairy flogged and begging for mercy! God, sissy, you really bring out the cruel bitch in me! For the first time since I've known you, you're making me wet!

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