The Education Of Annie free porn video

The Education of Annie By Cassandra Morgan For most of his days days at Polk High School, he had been invisible. And now everyone was going to see him. As her. Annabelle Turner -- Annie -- moved from the drop-off circle to the imposing gray brick building, her gait slowed by the sheer terror of the moment. Inside, her emotions swirled -- she felt free and terrified and nervous and pretty and embarrassed and excited and a thousand other things as she moved. Her heart was beating out of her chest, and her palms felt moist, and her throat was dry. Her eyes were downcast, and so she was able to see her black flats as they echoed against the sidewalk. A wisp of her brown hair -- cut into a pert shag -- fell in front of her face, but she did not brush it away. Her gray-patterned skirt swayed gently around her knees as she walked. A thousand days beforehand, she had made this walk to school, and a thousand times, the other students had ignored her. She wasn't a smart kid or a jock. She wasn't s rich kid or a funny kid. She wasn't a preppy or a nerd. She was just the faceless kid in the back of the classroom. But that was when she was Andrew. That was when she was a skinny boy with a secret, the one trying to get through the day without getting beaten up. And now, she was out. She was a girl for everyone to see. It was the second day of school -- she had missed the first --- and it was as if the crowd was waiting for her, sharks smelling blood in the water. This wasn't a fairytale where everyone admires the beauty of the young girl. This was real. It happened slowly, the growing whispers, the nudges, the laughter. Some kid had recognized her, in spite of her skirt, and he had scurried back to the crowd, and the anger had begun. She had known this would be a difficult part, the gauntlet on her way to class. The voices grew, sharp and hateful. Inside, she felt empty. "He's wearing a skirt! Faggot!" "He has boobs! Cocksucker!" "Sissy boy!" Annabelle swallowed hard and trudged forward. Damn it, she thought. This was a bad idea, but what else was she to do in a world where she did not fit? The throng of other students grew louder, derisive, taunting, fed by the energy of an unruly mob. Someone threw a paper wad at her. Someone threw a peach. A peach? Really? She bit her lip. Lift your head, she told herself. Be proud. Don't let the assholes win. But every step was difficult. "Homo!" "Queer!" "Fairy!" There was amusement in some of the voices. There was outrage in others. There was a blend derision and anger and meanness. Annie hugged her books to her chest. A tear ran down her cheek. Then another. Don't cry, dammit, she told herself. Don't ever let them see you cry! This was what a condemned man must have felt when the lynch mob was outside the jail. Suddenly, she was aware of her clothing. Her bra straps felt fight. Her hose felt hot. She felt as if everyone could see her panties underneath her skirt. She didn't feel sexy. She didn't feel cute. She felt like an exhibit at the freak show. "Pussy!" "Dick-smoker!" "Tranny!" Around her, the scorn grew louder until the teachers began to leave their rooms to see what was causing the noise. There were the usual groups of students huddled in laughter, the popular kids and the brains, the nerds and the outcasts, the black kids and the white. They were pointing and jeering. There were the underclassmen, wide-eyed at the spectacle. There were the Kewpies, the popular girls, their faces twisted in glee at what they perceived to be the sight of a lesser being in misery. "Transvestite!" "Transgender!" "Transmission!" "Who said that?" Cindy Bulloch said. "Transmission?" "I, uh, I got carried away," Hiram Chambers said. "Idiot." For Annie, the day had started with a tinge of excitement and a sense of dread. Coming out is always that way, she supposed. Pulling back the curtain and letting the world know who you were, who you really were, must always be that way, she thought. But en femme, Annie had initially felt the calm she always felt when she wore the proper clothing. This was her, damn it. It was time the world knew it. The crowd had grown thicker now. Had they somehow known she was coming? She could hear the hoots from the kids who considered themselves normal. There was a loud buzz in her ears as she moved. For Annie, there was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. "Whoo-hoo. Sway that ass, fag boy!" "Show us your tits!" "Mince away, pansy. Show us what you've got under that skirt!" The barbs got meaner, and louder, as if the crowd had finally brought the big knives out. Annie moved along, absorbing it all, the humiliation and the hatred. And then ... there was searing pain. She never knew if it was intentional or not, but suddenly, her chest caved in, and her books went flying, and she sprawled backward. She bounced off a locker and landed on the floor. Stump Miller, a large defensive tackle on the football team, had lowered his shoulder and slammed into her like it was fourth-and-one. She collapsed and slid backward across the tile of the hall with a whimper. She lay on the floor, dazed. Was she bleeding? Was she hurt? "Hey, watch where you're going," Miller snarled at her prostrate body. "Did you guys see that? This fag walked right in front of me!" "Oh my God...he's wearing panties," a female voice shouted, pointing at Annie, whose skirt has ridden up to her thighs as she fell.. "No, it's a panty girdle," another voice, also female, shouted. "He's such a fag he's wearing a panty girdle." "Does he have on a bra, too Jesus. He's wearing a bra! The fag is wearing a bra!" Annie struggled to sit up. She lifted her rear from the floor and straighten her skirt so her underwear no longer showed. But the damage had been done. "My God, what a pervert." "You want to wear my panties, too, Tinkerbell? If your ass isn't too fat for them..." Annie was crying now. She was exposed and embarrassed, bruised and battered. There would be no quiet entrance, the way she had hoped. There would be no time for reflection. She was the class transvestite now. There was no going back. What the hell was she thinking, walking into school dressed like this? That everyone would smile and pat her on the back? That there would be acceptance out in the world? That this would be easy? That other teenagers were blossoming too, so they would understand? A body loomed over her. She looked up. It was Johnny Billings. Everyone knew Johnny. He was the school's quarterback and star shortstop. "Did that hurt, douchebag?" he said in a loud whisper. "Are you gonna cry? Just wait til after school." "Johnny, I ... " "If the principal hadn't called our parents yesterday and warned us about hate crimes, the guys would have really beaten the shit out of you. We don't like homos around here." "Johnny, you've called me a homosexual since seventh grade." "And I was right, wasn't I? You just watch that fag ass of yours. If you don't, I'll fuck it myself. With a pool cue. You hear me?" "I....I hear you." Billings spun and stalked away, leaving her to her place on the floor. There was just judgment, and rejection, and maliciousness. A boy had chosen to wear a skirt to school. Was that really so evil? Was it really so unacceptable? And however would Annabelle live through this? * * * Hours earlier, the last day in the existence of Andrew Turner had begun before dawn. It was early, just after 5 a.m., but Andrew couldn't sleep. He rose and padded across his bed room, careful not to wake anyone else in the house. He washed his face, then stared into the mirror for a long moment. Finally, he took a deep breath. He walked to his closet. A familiar yellow dress, the one with blue piping, his favorite, hung there. But instead, he reached behind it to a summer skirt, gray with light blue flowers. He saw a blue top, pretty but conservative. He nodded and laid it on the bed. Andrew reached in and grabbed a pair of panties. Pink? No, that's a cliche. Let's stay with plain white, he thought. He reached into the upper drawer and pulled out the matching bra. It had some embroidery on it, but shrugged. He fastened it behind his back, then looked at his reflection in the mirror. As always, a river of satisfaction filled him. He ran his hands over his body and smiled. He lifted his breasts with his hands. Damn, why wouldn't they grow? Why is it the hormones made his ass grow faster than his boobs? He stepped into a white panty girdle -- just to be sure he didn't show. He paused in front of the mirror and smiled at his reflection. The mirror, after all, was his oldest friend. It was here that he had posed and danced all those afternoons when he was afraid to venture outside. There, he saw the beginnings of a young girl looking back. Not bad, he thought. Cute in a next-door kind of way. His skirt was familiar, but this time, there was a difference. As of today, he was no longer hiding. He was going to do it, no matter what anyone said. He was going to be a girl. As long as he was complete, as long as he was a girl, he could put up with his classmates. Couldn't he? He toyed again with the idea of heels. But hardly anyone wore heels to high school. Hell, most girls just wore jeans and tee-shirts. He dressed slowly, savoring each moment, then glanced at himself -- herself. She brushed his hair. In his mind, that needed to grow, too, although he hand't cut it since last Christmas. He fingered the locks, tugging on them to cover his collar. Then he pulled out a blue hairband and pulled his curls off of his face. Yeah, that was better. He thought about makeup. Maybe a touch of lipstick. No, not the first day. He wouldn't wear makeup. He wouldn't wear dangly earrings. He wouldn't carry a purse. He'd wear flats instead of heels, too, so he would not overdo it. He was a girl; he wasn't a runway model. He walked slowly down the stairs, the fear in his heart giving way to the excitement in his soul. He reached the bottom, and turned .... and almost ran into his mother. Elizabeth Turner looked at Andrew for a long minute, up and down, taking in the image of her child. Her son, her only son, stood there in a skirt and blouse. Hw even stood femininely, with his hand on his hip. Elizabeth smiled. "Good morning, baby," she said. "You're up early." "I couldn't sleep," Andrew muttered. "Well, you look nice. Very pretty. Are you ready for this? Are you sure?" He nodded. "If not now, when?" Andrew said. "That's what Dr. Sheridan says. 'There will always be a first day, and it will always be scary.' It's like skydiving. Eventually, you have to jump out of the plane." The two moved into the kitchen. Elizabeth poured herself a coffee. "I worry, baby," she said. "I read the headlines. It's an ugly world out there. I'm afraid for you." "I'm scared, too," Andrew said. "But I'll be okay. I've known these kids for most of my life. Half of them always thought I was a little girlie anyway." "Maybe, but you were my girlie," Elizabeth said. "You want something to eat?" "Toast maybe? And I'll have coffee, too." Elizabeth frowned. "I don't like you to drink coffee." "Mom! I've put two gallons of hormones into my body in the last six months. I think I can stand the caffeine." Elizabeth sighed, then shoved her cup toward Andrew and poured another one for herself. "I thought you were too young for the hormones, too, for the record," she said. "It was time," Andrew said. "Even Dr. Sheridan said so. Hell, I've been a girl for years now. Most girls my age have boobs." Elizabeth smiled. "I remember when I bought you your first bra," she said. "Yeah, I remember. I wanted to wear it to school." Elizabeth grinned again. She remembered everything. She remembered Andrew in his sister Zoe's white princess dress back when he was, what, four years old? Three? Andrew was sitting there with his dolls, no embarrassment, no shame. He was just playing dress up for a tea party. Nothing wrong with it. Over the years, she had caught him a hundred times, not that he was into hiding it. At first, she thought he was going through a phase, and then it was obvious the phase wasn't passing. She punished him, and she bribed him, and she threatened him. and she sent him to a series of counselors. Finally, he wore them all down. That was when they had hired Dr. Beth Sheridan. It was Dr. Sheridan who came up with the compromise; he would dress only at home, and he would not come out until his senior year. Until today. There were the hours with Zoe, who was two years older than him. Until she went to college, they would spend hours doing fashion shows, singing karaoke, practicing makeup. Zoe was her best friend. Damn, he wished Zoe was home. He was always a girl, really. He liked dolls, and puzzles, and making plastic jewelry out of those cheap kits for kids. He never wanted to get a haircut. He never liked action movies. He would pose for hours, and he would practice with make-up, like any young girl. "I. used to think you'd grow out of it," Elizabeth said, remembering. "Mom, I grew into it. It's who I am." "I know. But it took me a while to get there. I always think I was the one who had to transition, not you." There was silence for a moment. Elizabeth looked at her child and smiled. Damn it, he -- she -- was a good kid. What did it matter what clothes she wanted to wear? "You know, you could always blame it all on me," Elizabeth said. "Blame you?" "Yeah. I've read online about this thing called petticoat punishment. Some mothers have punished their sons by making them wear dresses. You could say I believe in it. You could say you stole something and I'm punishing you by making you dress like this. It would at least buy you some time." "Mom, hasn't there been enough deceit? Isn't it time for honesty?" "Not if it gets you shot." "No one's going to shoot me, mom. I'm just the neighborhood transgender. It's about time Cooper's Mill had one of those. We're the third-fastest growing community in Northern Kentucky, you know." Elizabeth stood and walked to Andrew. She took his head into her hands and pulled him to her chest. "You are so brave, chica," she said. "I love you." "I love you, too, mom. I love that this...doesn't matter to you." "Not a bit, sweetie," she said. "You are who you are." "I will be," he said. The two were quiet for a long pause. "You know this is forever, mom," Andrew said. "No going back." "I know," she said. "There was never any going back." "From now on, I'm your daughter." Elizabeth nodded. "From now on, you're Annabelle." Annie smiled. She knew a lot of girls had it harder. They had parents who just wouldn't get it. At least Annie -- and Elizabeth -- knew there was no other option. "Drive me to school?" she said. Elizabeth nodded. Then she held the door open, and she watched Annie walked out into the world. *. * * When the bell first rang, Annie felt as if she had been saved. The crowd around her began to break apart, every kid headed toward homeroom. People still insulted her as they passed by, but the shouting and the vulgarity had quieted. Annie went toward Mr. Cohen's class. It was in C wing, near the chem lab. She moved through the halls, part of the herd. Could it be over? Well, no. When Annie got to the room, he took a seat in the middle row, fourth from the front. She sat and smoothed her skirt. She crossed her legs out of habit. When she looked up, Spencer Harper was staring at her legs. He had a scowl on his face. Annie put her backpack under her feet and looked up. Just as the guy in front of her frowned, then got up and walked away, toward the back of the classroom. Then the guy behind her did. And the girl on his her left. And the boy on her right. Before long, she was on an island. The three rows behind here were vacant, and the three in front of her, and the two desks on either side. She was the center slot on a tic-tac-toe board, and she was all alone. The other students were standing in the back of the classroom. "Guys...why don't we take a seat?" Mr. Cohen said. "Um, we'd rather stand," Charlie Martin said. "Yeah, the smell of perfume is making me sick," Bev O'Shea said. "We need to this room sprayed," Barry Dillard said. "It smells like ... sissy." The crowd snickered. Mr. Cohen raised his hand for silence. "Fine, suit yourselves," Mr. Cohen said. He turned and looked at Annie. "Misssssss Turner," he said, drawing out the "s" sound until it sounded like air leaking from a balloon. "Haw," someone said. "He called him Miss Turner." "Miss Turner, are you new to this classroom?" Mr. Cohen asked. "Mr. Cohen. You know me. I am, I used to be, Andrew Turner. I'm Annie now" There was a burst of laughter. "Annie," Barry repeated. "Annie the tranny!" Susan Collins blurted out. "Who has a fat fanny!" said Charlie. "And a boyfriend named Danny!" said Claude Hall, ducking a pencil that Danny Edwards had thrown at him. More tittering filled the room. "Guys, let him talk okay. Let's hear what he has to say." "It's...her," Annie said quietly. "Not him. Not he." Mr. Cohen shook his head. "So now you're a drag queen now, huh?" "I'm not a drag queen," Annie said. "It's not the same thing." Mr. Cohen frowned. "So you're saying you're not one of those she-males?" "Mr. Cohen, we don't use that term. We're transgender." "Well forgive me. I'm not up on all the proper phrases that you trannies use." "Sir, that's another one we don't use." "Well, I'll be. There are a whole lot of words we can't use, huh? You still have a ... a penis, though. Don't you?"" "Sir, that's not appropriate to discuss," Annie said. "Please." "Well, crud," Mr. Cohen said. "This is a real learning experience, class. We get to to be educated in time for the Gay Pride parade. The normal folks here have to adjust to you. Is that it? We have to call you a girl because you say you are one." "I'm a giraffe," Becky Gatewood said. "I want everyone to call me stretch." "I'm a moose," Tim Worsley said. "I"m Batman," Bobby Dickinson said. Annie blushed at the outburst. She looked at her desk. "Tell you what," Mr. Cohen said. "As long as your lecturing us, Miss Turner, let's go around the room and you guys can tell me what you call a boy in a skirt." "I'd call him a fag," Lenny Watkins said. "A T-girl." "A candy-ass." And so it went. To Annie's great embarrassment, the other students -- with permission -- rattled off their favorite insults. "A homo." "A sissy." "A chick with a dick." The room lost it on that one, and once again, it was as if Annie was walking her trail of tears from the morning. She had never felt so alone, so ostracized. And in the corner, a student named Janie Anderson smiled at her suffering. * * The day was a lonely one for Annie. People continued to refuse to sit near her -- one teacher finally pulled her desk to the front of the room, by hers, so her class would not be disrupted. No one spoke to her. She was shunned like a young Amish woman. She went to Biology, where Seth Hawkins, who had been her best friend for years, shared a seat with her. But once she sat down, Seth had sighed and silently moved to another desk. He didn't look back. Annie couldn't believe it. She and Seth were in boy scouts together. They had gone to Cincinnati to Comic Con together. They spent the night at each other's houses.They went to superhero movies together. Now, in his eyes, she was a leper. And all Seth wanted was away. Evidently, a lot of the school felt the same way. Annie ate lunch alone, sitting at a table for eight by herself. She was on an island. Was dressing a mistake? Maybe. She didn't know the reception to her would be so awful, so nasty. Hell, this was 2021. There were alternative kids in school. There were drug users and car thieves and students who slept with teachers. There were gays and Muslims and junior Proud Boys. But she was the bad person because she was wearing a skirt. Did that make sense to anyone else? What if, she wondered. What if she had put on jeans and a t-shirt, the way she used to. Hell, people weren't nice to Andrew, either. They called him names, and they knocked the books out of his hands. At least this way, he got to be Annie. Despite all the names, despite all the abuse, this had to be better. This was...real. Annie sighed. She reached into her backpack and pulled out a notebook. She began to write down all of her favorite transgender movies, an old diversion of hers. She wrote down Boy Meets Girl, and Just Charlie, and Breakfast on Pluto. She wrote down Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, and because it was so similar, she wrote down Thanks for Everything, Wong Fu. She wrote down Venus and A Fantastic Woman and Alice Junior. She wrote down Some Like It Hot and the Birdcage and the Crying Game. The was one of the distractions that Annie liked, a chance to get lost in her thoughts. She was barely aware of the other girl until she heard her voice. "Homework?" The sound startled Annie. She looked up at the face of a girl named Kristen Watson. She was cute, red hair and freckles. Annie never knew her, but she knew of her. Kristen was the school lesbian, as if there was only one. People talked about her a lot. They called her names, too. "No, just doodling," Annie said. "I'm Kristen." "I'm Annie." "So you look like you need a friend, Annie." "I"m ... I'm okay." Kristen smiled. "I wasn't going to come over, you know? I was sure you were just this was a dare, or you were just playing some kind of game, mocking women, sashaying all over the place, playing dress-up. But you looked so miserable sitting here alone, I thought I'd reach out. You look like a drowned puppy." "Except that I don't have fleas," Annie said, breaking a smile. "There are a few of us rainbow children in school, Annie. We meet in Miss Vance's room usually. If you want an oasis, you can join us." "That...that would be nice, Kristen." Kristen furrowed her brow. "Don't get the wrong idea, Annie. This isn't a come-on. I like girls, okay? And down deep, I don't think you are one. Sorry. That's just how I feel." "Okay." "I just want to be clear. I'm seeing someone. But I'm a good friend. I'm loyal and honest." "I like honesty." "Then tell me this, Annie. Why?" "Why?" "Why do you put up with the grief just so you can dress like this?" Kristen said. "I mean, why not just wear pants?" Annie looked at Kristen for a long moment. There was no judgment in her question. Just curiosity. "Kristen, this is who I am," she finally said. "When I'm dressed, I feel ... right. I feel natural. This isn't a fetish for me. I'm not pretending to be a girl. Before, I was pretending to be a boy. I finally got tired of pretending." "So is it worth it? People seem to be giving you a lot of grief." Annie smiled weakly. "Most of the time it's worth it," she said. "When I have a quiet moment, and I can think, my life is better. When people accept me, it's better. Does that make any sense?" "Yeah," Kristen said. "But can you explain those shoes?" "What's the matter with my shoes?" "My Aunt Gladys has a pair of shoes like that. My Uncle Henry wears them most of the time." Annie looked at her. Then Kristen broke into a grin, and Annie joined in. It felt good to laugh, good to smile, good to be at the beginning of a friendship. It felt, frankly, like the sun was coming out. * * Across the school, the Kewpies -- the popular girls of the school, the cheerleaders and the majorettes and the daughters of the rich -- gathered in a small teachers' lounge and shared sushi. They met here every day, although technically it was a teachers' room. They gossiped, and they giggled, and they planned world domination. Or least, the domination of Polk High School. "Did you see it mincing across campus?" Terry Edwards asked. "Yeah. It moved like a hooker on the docks," Janie Anderson said. "You'd know about that, right?" Mary Beth Crawford said. "Fuck you," Julie said. "Wait. That's Mr. Washington's job, isn't it? You still blowing your way to an A in his course?" "I like it when he gives oral exams," Mary Beth said. "What can I say?" "Seriously, guys," Terry said. "What are we going to do about the queer?" "I say we beat her ass," Susie Romano said. "I say we make her walk down the hall in her panties to show how proud she is of them." "I've got a better idea," Janie said. "But you'll all have to play along." "What?" Mary Beth said. "We kill her with kindness," Julie said. "We become her friends." "Fuck that," Sonya Downing said. "I don't want to be the friends to a homo." "She's sick," said Tanisha Parker. "We might catch something." "Hear me out," Janie said." If we accept her in our group, we can still expose her to just how queer she is. And no one will blame us. We'll dress her up and let her strut. She'll think we're helping her, when she just becomes a bigger and bigger fag. We'll tell teachers she has a crush on them. We'll find her a boyfriend so the whole school knows she's blowing him. We'll act like we have her back, when we're really finding a place to put the knife." "I like it," Terry said. "It'll be a mind-fuck. She'll never know what hit her." "Okay. Be careful. She can't know what we're doing. But eventually, she'll get herself in trouble." "Janie, you are an evil bitch," Mary Beth said. "I think it's why I love you." "You just want my ass," Janie said, grinning. "Well, doesn't everyone?" "I can't believe everyone hasn't had it," Susie said. And they laughed with the sound of witches around a cauldron. * * As Annie moved toward her algebra class, the watchful eye of Stump Miller and the Goon Gang watch from the doorway of a nearby boys bathroom. He turned, where Luke and Travis held a wriggling Seth Hawkins by the arms. "Your girlfriend just passed by," Stump snarled at Seth. "He ain't my girlfriend," Seth said. "I swear, I didn't even know he was a fruit." "Now, now, Seth.Is that anyway to talk about the love of your life? I hear he wrote your name in his notebook with a lot of hearts on it. Is that right?" "No, it isn't right. Leave me alone." "Did you wear a dress, too, Seth? I bet you called yourself Beth, didn't you. I bet you flipped up your skirt and showed your panties." Seth's eyes darted around, looking for a place to run. This wasn't fair. He hadn't been a tranny ... not like Andrew. Damn Andrew. This was all his fault. "All those days you guys hung out -- did you suck her dick, or did she just suck yours?" Stump sneered. "No one sucked anybody," Seth seethed. "I didn't know..." "Come on, Seth. You can tell us. She's a good-looking homo, after all." "Yeah," Luke Johnson said. "She has a nice ass." Stump stared at his friend in amazement. "You like her ass?" he said. "I'm just saying," Luke stammered. "I mean, wouldn't you hit that? I mean, if you were high enough?" "I'm not a fag," Stump said. "I'd hit it with a board, maybe. Maybe with my fist." "Yeah, but if you didn't know...would you let her blow you?" "God no," Stump said. "That's what our boy Seth does. Tell me, Seth, does she have a big one? I bet it's tiny." "I wouldn't know..." Seth said. "The hell you wouldn't. Were you on top, or did you two take turns?" "That's gross," Seth said. "Maybe the first time. But I understand you two did it all the time." "I never...we never." "What if we carved 'fag' on your forehead, Seth? Would that help you come out." "Don't hurt me," Seth said. "I won't tell anyone about this." "That's not quite right, Seth. You're going to tell everyone....about Annie and her sweetie Luke here." "Hey!" Luke said. "You said she had a nice ass. So what if the word gets out that she blew you? Your rep could stand the cred." Luke paused. "You wouldn't say that I sucked her off, would you?" "Hell no," Stump said. "Everyone knows your one of the Goons. I don't want to be guilty by association. You're just an ass bandit. That's all. Boys fuck sissies all the time. It's like being in jail or something." "Well, she is pretty," Luke said. "And once word gets out, Luke, she won't have any choice but to go down on you. This is a great favor we're doing for you. Everyone gets to know you got laid!" Luke looked confused for a minute. Then, quietly, he said: "Thank you, Stump." * Before the day was out, someone was passing out a crude drawing on Annie with glitter on the page. "Tinkerbell," it said. Someone had hung an old pair of panties on the front of his locker. He would walk down the hall, and someone would hum "Lola," the old song by the Kinks. In the lunchroom, Greg Hawkins dropped a banana by his tray. The teachers were no better. In second period, Mrs. Preston told Annie that she was going to hell. She left a religious pamphlet on her desk. In fourth period, Mr. Taylor asked her if she was had a mental disease. In sixth, Miss Fleming tasked her if her tits were real, because there was a bra sale at Macy's. In seventh, Mr. Sheppard asked her if she knew what a gelding was. "You aren't a real girl," he said. Annie didn't know there were so many ways to insult someone. By the time she got home, she was emotionally drained. She dropped her backpack and collapsed on the couch. "You home, sweetie?" Elizabeth's voice carried across the hose. "How was it?" "Awful," Annie said. "It was awful. A walk across the desert with broken glass." "'I'm sorry, baby. Listen, you don't have to do this again." "Mom...of course I do. There is no way back. I'll always be the boy who wore a dress to school. And I wouldn't give the assholes the satisfaction of winning." "It's not about winning and losing, Annie," Elizabeth said. "It's not a game." "In a way it is, Mom. Losing means surrender. Losing means acting like a boy all over again. It means being someone else. It means this was wrong." "I just hate to see you in pain, Annie," she said. "This is who I am, mom," Annie said. She had started to cry again. Damn it, why did she cry more when she was dressed properly? "Do you want to go the mall, Annie?" Elizabeth said. "That usually cheers you up. We can get you more underwear." "No thanks, mom. I have some homework to do." She started to go upstairs, then turned. "I did make a friend, mom," Annie said. "Yeah? What's his name?" "It's a her. A girl named Kristen." "Oh, is she nice?" "Very nice," Annie said. "But you probably should know this...she's a lesbian." "Oh. So are you ... a lesbian now?" "No, mom. I"m not gay. If Kristen was a poet, would I be a poet now?" "I guess not. I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. By the way, did you see Seth?" "Yeah. And he saw me." "Oh." "He didn't take it wall, Mom. Evidently, Seth doesn't like trans girls. I guess can't blame him for that. I do wish he had been nicer about it." "Do you want me to talk to his mom?" "It won't do any good." "Boys are stupid, Annie," Elizabeth said. "Seth will come around. Or he won't. If he doesn't, he wasn't worth being your friend. So tell me, were there any other interesting boys?" "Mom! It's not about that. It's about being me." "Still, boys are pretty." "Yeah," Annie said. "That's all I need. A trans girl chasing a neanderthal around." "I can. I love a certain trans girl I know." "You're silly. But this trans girl loves you, too." Annie beamed, loving the way the sound of 'trans girl' rolled off of her tongue. "Go do your homework. Girls have to try harder, you know." "It's hard enough, Mom. And I don't know if it will get better for a long time." "They'll get used to it. They have to. Annie isn't going anywhere but up." * * If every school day contained a thousand indignities, every evening was filled with a thousand moments of reaffirmation. Annie loved sitting around the living room in a dress, watching a movie with her mother. It was relaxed, natural.. She loved dancing in heels. She loved tweaking her makeup. She loved cooking with her mother. She loved yoga. She loved going to the salon. And she loved shopping. God, she loved shopping. When she was growing up, and dressing only at home, she had rarely shopped. But if you're out during the day, you might as well be out all of the time. So she would frequent the shops, trying on this, changing her mind about that. She loved trying things on in the dressing rooms; it felt so liberating. These were the times it was worth all the jokes and the mockery, the quiet moments of affirmation. People didn't understand. Sometimes, she didn't fully understand, either. But she didn't how how to be a boy. She wasn't supposed to be one. Her Aunt June, who she hadn't seen for years, came to visit her. Oh, she had heard about Annie by now, and she could not have been more supportive. She brought presents -- lingerie and shoes -- and Annie squealed when she saw them. This was the best part, the normal every day interactions, the acceptance in the eyes of those who loved her. Too many people think of a trans girl as a sexual object, as if her mind is forever in the bedroom. But for Annie, the joy was in ... being. She liked looking pretty. She liked smelling nice. Eventually, she hoped, people would get it. As the days turned into weeks, the outward hatred wpi;d abated some. Oh, Annie would still hear the catcalls, and the wise-ass remarks. They were her burden. But eventually, she would grow into the person she was meant to be. That wasn't much to hope for, was it? * * The next day wasn't great, but it was at least quieter. There weren't as many insults, and there wasn't as much outrage. Annie walked through the hallways, proud of her yellow dress. She was wearing small heels, and she had tiny hoops in her ears. Still, she didn't carry her purse, and she didn't wear makeup. Slowly, she had told herself. There were still the whispers, of course, and there was the laughter. She still was the star in a circus sideshow. Annie the Tranny. In homeroom, the students took their normal seats, and Mr. Cohen gestured for Annie to sit in the front of the room. He called roll slowly, until he got the "t's." "Missssss Turner," he called out. And again, everyone laughed. "Miss Turner, could you see me after class?' "Um...yes sir." Homeroom, at its most basic, is a controlled chaos. Kids talked about parties and cars and sales and upcoming dances. But no one said anything to Annie until a boy named Curtis Samuels leaned across and said, bluntly, "so you're dating Luke Johnson?" "Uh...no, I'm not," Annie said. "Who said that?" "I heard you were. I heard you guys had a good time up at the lake last night. Good thing trannies can't get pregnant, huh?" "I don't know what you've heard, but it's not true.I barely know Luke Johnson." "Seth told me he was your boyfriend, and Luke confirmed it. It's okay. Even queers like sex, I guess. It's cool that Luke is down with the rainbow. But I can't imagine something in my ass." "Curtis, I'm not dating anyone. I swear." "Well, dating may not be the right word. I guess that would be 'screwing.'" "That's a lie." Curtis turned to Pamela Matthews. "Annie says that Luke didn't hit a home run." "Not what I hear," Pamela said. "I heard that he used her ass like a jackhammer." Annie blushed. She tried to protest, but sometimes, gossip is more rewarding than truth. The kids believed Luke because it was more fun to believe Luke. The truth is that Anne had never had sex. Not once. Yes, she suspected she liked boys -- sue her -- but she had never had the opportunity to act on it. She thought about Luke. Brown hair, brown eyes. Tall. Nice-looking. But he wasn't her friend, let alone her lover. Someone was spreading lies. Homeroom ended, and distracted, Annie started to leave for first period. But Mr. Cohen called her back. She took there, as the other students filed out, some of them with smirks on their faces. "You wanted to see me, Mr. Cohen?" she asked. "Yes, Miss Turner. May I call you Annie?" "Yes sir." "Annie, you look very pretty today. I love that dress on you. Blue is your color." "Thank you sir." "Annie, do you have an after-school job?" "No sir. I mean, not yet." Mr. Cohen smiled. "Well, welcome to the world of out. Listen, I wanted to apologize for yesterday. I thought it was a teaching moment to deal with sexuality. I should have talked to you first." "It's okay, Mr. Cohen." "Well, anyway, I'd like to offer you a job. It isn't hard, and you can earn money to buy a new wardrobe." "Do you ...want me to grade papers or something?" "No, Annie. I have a job that's tailor-made for you. Just a little cleaning, a little laundry." "What are you talking about, Mr. Cohen." "Call me Mike." "What are you talking about ... Mike." "I need a maid, Annie. Someone to clean a bachelor's apartment, you know. You could make a few dollars and we could, you know, get to know each other better. I could be your boyfriend, as long as no one ever found out." "Mr. Cohen! No." "Excuse me?" "I'm not a maid, Mr. Cohen. We aren't all like that. We don't all have fetishes. I don''t want to wash your underwear, and I don't need a boyfriend." "Really? I thought all you girly-boys needed a man." "We don't, Mr. Cohen." "But you could suck my dick if you did it. You know, like you sucked Luke's." "I never sucked Luke's. And I have no interest in sucking yours." "God, I love hard to get. Think of it this way. You'd get to wear all your pretty panties. I'll buyout a maid's uniform. One of those sex black ones. Okay?" "I don't want a uniform, Mr. Cohen." "Sure you do. Hey, what if I called your mother and asked her permission? I can say you begged to suck me off." "You can tell her whatever you want. She trusts what I tell her." Mr. Cohen looked at her, as if he didn't believe what he was hearing. "It's a nice dick, Annie. I could be your very own glory hole. Most queers would love my dick." "Mr. Cohen, you're a teacher. You're supposed to set an example. Students look up to you. " "Yeah, from their knees." Annie spun and walked away. She felt light-headed. The entire exchange had been surreal. A grown man, a teacher, had come onto her. He wanted to make her his cleaning woman, his sex toy. It was so degrading. Maybe this was the true nature of womanhood. It was to be debased by the male gender. It was to be an object, an sexual object, a servile object, an object of scorn." Annie walked toward first period, and again, she felt tears. *. * It was midmorning later that day, and Annie was on her way to class when hands clutched her arms on both sides. "Come with us, girlie," a female voice. "You're a lucky bitch," another said. "Don't you love being called a bitch?" said a third. Annie was rushed down the hall, and into the girls' restroom. By agreement, she was supposed to use the restroom next to the office, but she was swept in. There was an old brown chair, and she found herself thrust onto it. And above her, Janie, Terry, Mary Beth, Tanisha and Susie grinned down at her. The Kewpies. "You need a makeover, girl," Janie said. "Yep. If you're going to dance with the big girls, you need a little warpaint," Mary Beth said. "You need to stop dressing from the Target sale rack." "Now sit," Susie said. "And relax. You want some weed?" "I ... I don't smoke weed," Annie said. "Your loss," Tanisha said. "Just relax, now. We're here to help you." She started dabbing at Annie's face with a small pad. "You ever wear makeup?" "At home," Annie said. "I wear some at home." "Well, why hide yourself, girlfriend? We're going to make you pretty." "Like us," Terry said. "It'll be like we had our own pet tranny," Susie said. Annie started to protest, but the Kewpies hovered over her like they were a pit crew working on a car. Perfume was sprayed, and brushes danced across her face. "You got nice lips for a white girl," Tanisha said. "Cock-sucking lips. I'll bet you know all about that." "Don't fight us, Annie," Susie said. "We're here to help you." "Pink or red lipstick?" Terry asked. "The redder the better," Janie said. "Damn girl," Mary Beth said. "This will make your boyfriend hot. Do you have a boyfriend who isn't battery-powered." "Vroom," Tanisha said. And so they went to work. Annie could smell the foundation, the lipstick. She could smell the mascara, the eyeliner. For a half-hour -- blowing her social studies class -- the Kewpies worked on her. Someone grabbed her breast and laughed. "You need to get bigger," Mary Beth said "You've got little girl titties." "Unfasten a couple of buttons, girl. Show the world what you've got." "Such as it is." Janie worked on her hair, pulling this strand and that one up, wetting them with something. "You need highlights in. your hair," Janie said. "It'll make Luke drool." "Don't believe that stuff about Luke..." "Riiiight," Susie said. Finally, they were done. Janie stood Annie up and paraded her in front of the mirror. "There! You like it." Annie's jaw dropped. The makeup was bold, almost garish. Even Annie knew it was too heavy to wear in the daytime, let alone to school. "It's...a little gaudy," Annie said. "It has to be a little heavy," Janie said. "Because of your coloring. But you'll get used to it." "It's perfect," Susie said. "The boys will take one look and fall over." "You like showing off for the boys, don't you?" Susie said. "Boys have the best toys." "Susie! You know she slept with Luke. Hell, everyone knows that." "I didn't," Annie said. "Whatever you say, sister. But if I was you, I'd get to it before he finds someone else. He's hot, you know?" "Tell me, Terry said "Do you like Luke or Stump better?" "Uh, I don't know." "I like Stump. He's dumb as a turnip, but he's cute. If you like cavemen." "Drinks too much," Janie said. "Do you like Johnny or Charlie?" "Johnny threatened me." "So Charlie, you'd say. How about Jamal or Marcus?" "Oooh, so you like dark meat, Annie? I mean, there is so much more of it." "This isn't about that," Annie said. "Why can't it be about everything," Julie said. "Do you like that dyke Kristen? Does she have a rubber dick you two play with?" "Kristen's a friend. That's all." "I think we touched a nerve," Susie said. "I think she wants Kristen to be her man." "Well, she's cute in a bulldyke sort of way." "You have something you want to tell us, Janie?" Mary Beth said. "Oh, shut up. Now, Annie. You need to wear higher heels and shorter skirts. You need us to bring you some clothes?" "No, no thank you." "Oh, come on, Annie. You're one of us now. You're a Kewpie. A Kewpie who's a cutie." "Now, let's go out there and knock them dead." "Or at least put them in a coma." * * Annie walked into the Hall, aware of her heavy makeup, and it was like walking into her school for the first time. People noticed. They hooted and blew kisses and tried their best to make their buddies laugh. Annie had missed her class, so she went to the lunchroom. Kristen was eating at a table by herself, so Annie sat down. Kristen looked at her and chuckled. "You take Diner's Club?" she asked. "What do you mean?" Annie asked. "I mean you look like like a hooker on Roosevelt. Blow jobs for two dollars. That sort of thing." "The girls did it," Annie said. "They were nice." "Nice? Bozo called. He wants his face back." "It isn't that bad, is it?'" "Not if you're RuPaul. Which you kind of are." "What does that make you? Ellen?" "Laverne." "Melissa." "Caitlyn." "Portia." "Hey, that's cheating. You already said Ellen." "Yeah, they're different people." "But they're married. That makes them one." "I was going to say Jodie Foster, but I didn't think you'd know her." "I know all about her and her lambs. I'm gay, silly. We all have a treehouse together. Secret handshake and everything." "Why would any girl want you?" Kristen laughed. "Some girls like to be told what to do." "Oh, so you're a boss chick, huh?" "The bossiest. I have my own handcuffs. You can borrow them if you want." "No time for sex. I'm too busy getting harassed. Even my friends give me crap." "Oh, hush. Why don't you go out in the hall and make a few bucks?" "Buck who?" Kristen started to laugh, and Annie joined in. It was freeing, a release of all the tensions of her last few days. "Eat me," Annie said. "I don't have two dollars to give to your pimp," Kristen said. And the laugher began again. * * * Beth Sheridan sat back in her leather chair and looked at Annie. She smiled. "Your mother tells me it's been hard for you at school," she said. "It has been, Dr. Sheridan," Annie said to her shrink. "The kids aren't exactly from this century, you know?" "It'll get better, Annie. You know that." "Maybe. But it's hard." Annie sat in the chair in front of Dr. Sheridan's desk, the same as she had for two years now. When she had first et Dr. Sheridan, she felt as if she had to convince everyone that she was really a girl, that it wasn't a phase, that she wouldn't grow out of it Now, she sat in a gray shirt with a white blouse, and no one blinked. Dr. Sheridan had become her friend, her confidante. "How are you dressing for school, Annie?" "You know. I'm wearing skirts. A dress sometimes." "Makeup?" "I started yesterday. Some girls put it on me. Today, I did my own." "Heels?" "I thought that would be overdoing it." Dr. Sheridan pursed her hips. "Let me ask you something, Annie. Have you thought about going back to being Andrew?" Annie was surprised by the question. "No, of course not." Dr. Sheridan nodded. "Then I think you should go forward." "Forward?" "Yes. I think you should unleash the full Annie. I'm not talking about wearing evening wear to high school. But makeup, heels, a purse. You're a girl, Annie. So be a girl. Let the butterfly soar. If it pisses them off, well, they don't sound happy as it is. Fuck them if they don't like it." "That's easy for you to say, Dr. Sheridan. You were born a girl. No one hates you if you wear lipstick. No one wants to beat you up because you wear a dress." "I know it's hard for you. But do you want to be a part-time girl? Do you want to dress on weekends? Or do you wan to embrace who you are and be feminine? People need to realize this isn't role-play. This is you." "I guess..." "No guesswork to it, Annie. You're becoming prettier every day, more womanly. That isn't going to reverse itself. You should sing more. You should dance. You should enjoy being you." "You give good advice, doc," Annie said, smiling. "I want you to polish your fingernails. Wear a necklace. Wear heels. You're a beautiful girl, and your senior year is a wonderful time. Tune out the idiots, girl. Be Annie." Annie nodded. Nothing that Dr. Sheridan said seemed wrong. Damn it, she was Annie. Hear her roar. * * The problem was, sometimes, life roared back. It didn't even wait for the school bell to ring. Annie was at home when the red Ford pick-up truck pulled in front of her house. Annie peered through the blinds, and she saw Stump in the front seat. Johnny was in the passenger's seat. Two guys Annie barely knew -- James and Travis Morton -- were in the bed of the truck. They had been out for a jolly round of hitting stop signs with beer bottles when Stump had the grand idea of going to see the class tranny. The beer made it sound like a good idea. "You can't tell nobody," Stump said. "But we're here to take turns fucking you.I get to go first." "Congratulations," Johnny said. "I told you I was going to butt-fuck you. Today is your lucky day." "You're drunk, Johnny. Just leave before I call the police." "We don't need no police," James said. "I'm on probation, and the cops act like these homos actually have rights. I can't get into trouble." "Come on, Annie. You know you want it. All you tranny girls want cock. Admit it." "Go home, Johnny." "Well, can I at least see your titties? "Does that kind of talk ever get you anywhere? My God." "Annie, this is your last chance. Most days, I wouldn't even fuck you with Stump's little dick." "Hey!" Stump snarled. "Stump's gonna get shit on his dick," Travis said. "Of course, it will only be a little shit because it's a little dick." "Bite me." "Go home, Stump. Take your henchmen with you." Annie spun and stormed back into the house. She slammed the door. She silently swore. None of it helped. * * * Two days later, Jerry Edwards sat in a crowded office and exhaled. He did not want to deal with a student in drag. He did not want to deal with irate parents. He wanted to be on his porch drinking a Bud. Was that so much to ask? "Jerry, what the hell is going on in our school?" Tom Billings, the father of Johnny and a local attorney, was talking. "It's been overrun." "We have to do better, Tom," Edwards said. "We're bordering on hate crimes here. You don't want the feds involved?" "Involved in what, Jerry? What are our kids accused of doing?" "Tom, your kid said something out of line on the first day of school. Andrew...Annie....won't talk about it, but the word is that he threatened her." "I never did," Johnny said. "Not once." "Hush, son. Anything anyone else says is hearsay. They can't touch you." "And these girls. They took her into the bathroom and put makeup on her." "Doesn't she like makeup?" "She had chosen not to wear it. They forced her." "Mr. Edwards, we were helping her," Janie said. "She wants to be a girl. We were just letting her be. We like her. Honest we do." Edwards looked at Janie, not quite believing her. "Did she tell you to stop?" "Not once," Mary Beth said. "She liked it. Girls like to wear makeup." "There has been so much name calling. Annie was knocked into a locker." "It's a crowded hallway," Tom Billings said. "My kid has been knocked around too. You man up, or yet get run over. Law of the jungle. Does he have to wear panties for you to step in?" "Of course not. But someone says that your kid said that he wanted to butt....have anal sex with Annie." "So he likes her. Is that a crime? He wanted to ask her out. I'm not real proud of that. But some of these fairies almost look like real girls." "Jimmy wanted to ask her out?" Tom shrugged. "Teenage boys are horny, and queers like to give it up.," he said, as if that explained it all. "Look, I understand what your saying," Edwards said. "But you guys are bordering on hate crimes." "Look, a hate crime is a horrible thing," Tom Billings said. "We'd all agree to that. But it's a damn hard thing to prove. That's a fact. So watch your allegations. Personally, I think Annie should apologize to my son. I think you should spank her in front of all of us." "Spank her? I can't do that. There are laws against corporal punishment?" "Even if the sissy likes it? I think she'd love for you to spank her. Then she'd watch her mouth...so to speak." "I told you on the first day, Tom. I'll try to understand language. But violence is something else. Trans students get grief everywhere." "And I can't speak for everyone, Jerry. But in this room, you have nice kids who are trying to be inclusive. "That's right, Mr. Edwards," Janie was saying. "Hey, Mary Beth and I were talking about asking Annie to join the cheerleading squad." Mary Beth and Susie looked at Janie in amazement. This was the first they had heard of Annie joining the squad. "It'll be good for her," Janie said. "She'll have a sense of belonging, and the Kewpies will watch her back. It'll bring the school together. Trust us." "Well, if you girls will watch her back..." "Yep. And Luke will watch her front." The girls giggled. "Okay, nothing can be proven in this meeting. But you folks watch yourself. The law is on Annie's side." "We are too, Mr. Edwards," Janie said. "We are too." * * It was afternoon on Friday when Annie finally saw Luke for the first time since the rumors started. She was in the hall with Kristen, talking about her new summer dress, when she saw him try to slink past her. She stopped her conversation and made a beeline toward Luke. "Hey!" she said. "We gotta talk." "Oh," Stump said. "The lovebirds need to talk?" "Shut up, Stump," Annie snarled. "What the fuck are you telling people, Luke?" "Only that I love you, Annie," Luke said. "Only that you're wonderful. Your ass was better than any pussy in school." Annie hesitated after hearing Luke's words, but she pressed on. "Are you telling people we slept together?" "Oh, we didn't sleep, baby. Not a wink." "Stop it. Nothing ever happened between us." "How can you say that, baby? You told me you loved me. I think that's what you said, but your mouth was kind of full at the time." "You know you're lying, Luke." Austin Matthews walked past and grinned at us. "Kiss her, Luke. You should kiss her." "Try it, and I'll rip every lip from our face," Annie growled. "Don't be like that, Annie. You know you liked it. You kept yelling out stuff about God and Jesus and stuff.' "Please stop it," Annie said. "I'm a virgin." "Maybe in your left nostril, Annie. I fucked everything else. And you know what? It was good. I think it changed my mind about fucking sissies." "You're impossible. Just stop lying." Luke leaned over and whispered. "Listen, Annie. You don't have any friends here. Everyone hates you. You should like being my girlfriend. You should beg to be." Exasperated, Annie walked away. People were going to believe what they wanted. "She does have a nice ass, Luke," she heard behind her. "You ought to see the inside," Luke's voice said as she disappeared. * * Cheerleading practice was harder than Annie thought. There were a lot of dance steps, a lot of acrobatics. She hated being on bottom of the pyramid. But her mother had thought it was a good idea for her to be around other girls, and so she had joined the squad at Janie's insistence. It had been Annie's idea to keep things quiet, to just go about her routines on a small high school team. But the local paper had done a story on the transgender cheerleader, and the Cincinnati Enquirer had picked it up. Annie was a headline. She had declined to talk to the reporter for the stories, but Janie and Mary Beth were quoted throughout the story, talking about how brave Annie was to pose in front of the crowd and do her cheers., that there were times they almost forgot she was a tranny (that word again), that everyone ought to be accepted, even if you were a sissy like Annie. It was filled with innuendo and transphobia, but the girls acted as if they had done Annie a favor. The truth is, she liked cheering. She loved the uniform, the one-piece white dress with the blue piping on the left side. The word "Racers" was stenciled in italics across the front. It was short, and it swirled as she did her spins. She even got a set of pom-pons, for crying out loud. For a few hours, at least, she was an honest-to-God Kewpie. The squad would cheer, and they would dance, and they would do some basic tumbling. At halftime, the girls would escort the visiting cheerleaders to their sideline and they'd sit and talk. As you might imagine, the other girls had a lot of questions for Annie. Do you still have your thingie? Do you tuck it? What do your parents think? Are you going to have it cut off? Do you ever wear boys' clothes? How many players have you slept with? That sort of thing. So Annie would recite her mantra, and tell her story, and try to make a friend. It was the third game of the year -- a home game -- when the signs began to show up. "Beat Tranny High!" one said. "Stomp the Drag Racers," said another. "Tackle them hard...that's what they like." Janie kept telling Annie not to worry about it, sticks and stones and all that stuff. Be proud, Janie said. "You're here, and you're queer, and their boyfriends like you better anyway." So that became a home sign. And suddenly, Annie's gender was being debated on the signs of a high school football team. "What they don't realize, is that you're a babe," Janie told her one day. "So we're going to do something about it. I talked to Coach Bailey, and we came up with an incentive. The best player on Friday night will get to kiss me at the team's pep rather on Thursday of the following week. And the player who screws up has to kiss you. It'll be a game!" "I don't think I like that, Janie." "Oh, it's for the good of the team. Be a sport." And so the Kissing Contest was born. Johnny Billings would throw a touchdown pass, and he'd get to kiss Janie. Austin Matthews would drop a pass, and he'd have to kiss Annie. For the team, it was a great bonding experience. The players would sit around and vote on who had to kiss Annie. This guy had missed a tackle or that guy had fumbled or that one missed the bus. At first, the boys were reluctant to kiss a trans girl. But they taunted each other, and eventually, they got into the madness. One day, Marcus and Mohammed, the Lincoln twins, had to repent for two fumbles each. So they took turns kissing Annie. Mo bent her over backward and thrust his tongue into her mouth. "I'll lose the championship," Mo whispered to Annie. "If you'll let me fuck you." Janie and Mary Beth, of course, were thrilled. They loved to watch guys kiss Annie, and for Annie to sink deeper into her lifestyle. Only one thing was missing, Janie thought. Annie needed a boyfriend. * * "Come on, Annie. It will be fun." "Janie, it's an awful idea." "I think it's great. The school will love it.Trust me." "Janie, I'm not a drag queen." "I'm not talking about you getting a job. I'm talking about a talent show act. You'll walk the runway and lip-sync. One song. Maybe two." "That's silly. Drag queens are cartoons, Janie. Their makeup is about as real as Pennywise's. Hell, most of them aren't even transgender." "But if you do this, everyone will accept you. It's like you're in on the joke." "What joke?" "I didn't mean a joke. I just think a little music will be good for all of us. A little laughter." "Janie, it's a terrible idea. People will make fun of me. The laughter will be aimed at me." "No, they won't. Honest. They'll think you're gorgeous. Don't you trust me?" "Of course I trust you, Janie. You've been nice to me. I just don't want to perform." "You get to wear an evening gown. You get to flirt with the judges." "That's not a good thing, Janie." "You get to pick your own songs. Single Ladies. Push It. Whatever you want." "Janie, I can't do it. I just can't." "You can be a judge, then. You'd be like RuPaul, orchestrating the show. Just think about it, okay? You don't want anyone else to do it." "Who else would do it?" "Well, Stump said he would do it. He'd look good in a dress, don't you think?" "Stump? He's a 300-pound football player. He'd be a horrible looking woman. I mean, some trans are big girls, but they're girls. Stump isn't. He'd be all 'la-de-dee, look at me.' " "Well, if. you don't do it, we'll put him in a skirt with huge boobs. A ribbon in his hair. He'll cavort around like the queen of the hop. I'll bet Luke would like it." "Janie, don't do this. It would make fun of me, and it would make fun of every trans girl in Kentucky." "Your choice, Annie. You give it dignity, or Stump will give them comedy." "I can't do it, Janie. Just let Stump dance." And he did. Stump looked hulking and cartoonish in his red sequined dress. He was as feminine as a construction worker in a dress. Luke and the other Goons were his backup dancers. They pranced around to Love Story by Taylor Swift and Trouble by Pink, flipping their wrists and pursing their lips. It was the worst parody of being feminine that Annie had ever seen. The other students, of course, loved it. They hooted and cheered every step. Stump was In his glory, with his huge belly sticking out of his dress and his his large breasts swaying as he danced. He wobbled on his heels, and he would exaggerate as he flipped his wrists. He kept kissing the air with his made-up lips. One by one, they all looked at Annie for her reaction. She was mortified, of course. When the crowd laughed at Stump, they were really laughing at her. And Annie felt, despite her refusal, as if she was the one on the stage, as if she was one being laughed at. Fine, she thought. If Luke really wanted a trans girl, maybe he could date Stump. * * It was on a Tuesday, near Christmas, when Caleb Ridley leaned over in class and asked Annie to borrow a pen. She looked, and Caleb shrugged, his jaw working on gum, merriment in his eyes. Annie fished a pen out of the purse in her backpack and handed it to him. He winked and started writing something. Cute, Annie thought. He had dimples. She loved dimples. After class, Caleb brought her back her pen. "Why don't you keep it," Annie said. "You have other classes." Caleb laughed. "I have other pens, too." "You...lied?" "I wanted to meet you," Caleb said. "Is that a crime?" "It is. Under the statute 12-A, of the Kentucky penal code." "There's a code about my penal?" "I don't think that means what you think it means." Caleb laughed."You like basketball?" "It's okay," Annie said. "I was going to to Coasters tonight to watch the Bulls. You want to come?" "I can't. I have homework." "Ah, come on. I promise. No hassles. Just hoops and talk." "You promise to behave?" "Scout's honor." "Were you a scout?" "I was a boy scout. Were you a girl scout?" "No. They wouldn't let me join." "A shame. I would have bought your cookies." And so Caleb and Annie went out on a sort-of date. There was no touching, no flirting. But they did laugh a lot, and he treated her like a lady. It was the best time she had had going out since school started. "You're a cheerleader?" he asked. "Yeah. I got roped into it." "I love cheerleaders. You guys are so darned perky." "Sis boom bah," Annie said. "Are you still going out with Luke Johnson?" "Lump? I never went out with him. Those were just rumors. Some of them spread by him." "Lump?" "Yeah," she giggled. "I call all of Stump's lackeys something that rhymes with ump. Jimmy is Jump. Travis is Dump. And Luke is Lump." "Funny," Caleb said. "But I'm glad you didn't date Luke." "Me, too." There was a moment of silence. Then Caleb, shyly, spoke up. "Annie. Do you like movies?" "I love movies." "Can we go to a movie sometime?" "That...that would be nice." "Okay, Annie. Think about this though. What are you going to do when I hold your hand?" * * "So Annie liked watching balls bounce, huh?" Janie grinned at her own joke. "She liked the basketball agme," Caleb said. "Annie seems nice. You shouldn't mess with t her." "She's a freak, Caleb. She prances around in her dresses and her high heels and her lipstick and acts like she's a real girl. It makes me sick." "So you pretend to be her friend?" "Whose pretending here, Caleb? Me, or the boy in the dress?" "I see your point." "So we still have a deal?" "So if I take her to the prom, you'll sleep with me? Mary Beth, too? A threesome?" "You'll be up to your eyes in pussy, Caleb. Isn't that what you want? Or do you want to kiss Annie's dick?" "No. I don't want that." "Then led her on. Get her to blow you. Get a photo if you can. Come prom night, you'll be with me, and Annie will be with the Goons. A good time will be had by all." "The Goons?" "They'll be waiting at the motel. They'll take turns making Annie very, very happy." "Oh...do I have to kiss her?" "Of course you have to kiss her. And butt-fuck her.You don't have to suck her, though. Just make her think you're into her. If she gets into you, if she loves you, that's even better." Caleb nodded. He looked up and down Janie's legs. This was going to be worth it. Caleb could feel it. He was about to get very, very lucky. * * True to his word, Caleb picked Annie up on Saturday night, and in the familiar form of a guy on the make, he immediately began to woo...her mother. Caleb brought flowers and a selfie of Annie that he had taken the night they watched the basketball game. In front of Elizabeth, he talked to her, and he constantly praised Annie and her beauty and her brains. And Annie, wearing a red dress with red heels, Just melted. It had taken her hours to get dressed. She tried on six, seven outfits. She had toyed with her lipstick. Changed her hair. Changed her earrings Clearly, she wanted to make an impression. At the theatre, they picked a seat in the center, two-third of the way up. Caleb was light, joking around, flirtatious. His breath smelled nice. His shirt showed off his biceps. Damn, Annie thought, I'd like a double-scoop of that. This is how it feels, Annie thought. This is what a girl's first love is supposed to be like. This is the glow, the warmth, she feels when she looks at him. Ten minutes into the movie -- some space thriller -- Caleb began to trade his finger across the back of her hand. Slowly, gently. Finally, he clasped her palm, then kissed her hand gently. And Annie damn near touched the sky. It was halfway through the movie before she glanced back and, one row behind, were Janie and Mary Beth, beaming at what they saw. For Annie, things felt perfect. Her friends were here to witness her and her date. Caleb was rubbing her leg with his left hand, and his right arm had encircled her shoulder. At that moment, she was smitten. When he leaned down and gently kissed her lips, she lost it. It was everything she could do not to grab his penis through his pants and attack him in the theater. She no longer cared about the movies. She watched him as he watched, noticing the veins on his neck, the size of his hands, the way he ate popcorn. My God, she thought. How lucky can a girl get? When it was over, and the crowd was filing out, Caleb reached down, lifted her chin, and kissed her gently The theater lights were on by now, but Caleb didn't care. He buried his tongue into her mouth. Subtly, he ran his right hard over her left breast. The two stood, and he grabbed her hand and led her into the night. They never saw Janie or Mary Beth as they left, but by then, it didn't matter. For the moment, it felt like they were a couple, and if Annie closed her eyes, visions of the future tumbled out at all once. They drove to the lake, to where the teenagers parked as their parents had. "You know, this is our third date," Caleb said. "How do you figure that?" "Well, the first date was all that silliness about the pen." "That wasn't a date, silly." "The hell it wasn't. You think it's easy to get up the nerve to talk to a girl as pretty as you? I mean, you're kind of guarded, you know." "I know." "And our second date was the basketball game." "That was just hanging out." "Do you know how much I wanted to kiss you that night?" "You did?" "I did. And this is our third date." "So what do couples do on their third date, Caleb?" "Well, they have sex. Or they take a step in that direction." "Is kissing a step?" "A great step. So is touching." She leaned up and kissed him, gently. She smiled. His hands were on her hips, and she covered them with her own. He smelled nice. His biceps were impressive. Those dimples drove her crazy. Yes, this was the moment. "Caleb....you can unbutton my blouse if you want." He wanted. So there they were, horny teenagers, probing the taboo parts of each other's bodies. He kissed my breasts (they were larger now). Annie stroked his cock (her first ever) through his trousers. They kissed like they were going to pass a law against it at any moment. And, finally, he lightly pushed on her shoulders. "Kiss it," he said, pleading. She hesitated for only a moment.. This was what girls did with the boys they liked. And she was a girl, right? She had paid her dues. Gently, then desperately, savoring the texture, the size, the stiffness. She liked the way it fit into her lips, and the way it felt when she bobbed up and down. This was right. This was good. This was...wet. It all felt natural to Annie, her face in her boyfriend's lap. Annie supposed she would get better at blowjobs as the days went on, but she was a willing learner. Caleb? He was just wrapped up in how good it felt, and how wonderful Annie was. They lay there, Annie in her Burgundy nightgown and panties, Caleb in his boxers. He was playing lightly with her nipple. She was rubbing his chest. "Caleb?" Annie said, her mind thinking much the same. "Are we gay?" "I don't feel gay, Annie. Do you feel gay?" She shook her head. "I feel like a girl with her boyfriend." "Gay's just a word, Annie. If people want to say that about me, it's okay." She ran her hands down his body. She lifted his dormant penis. "We both have one of these. Is that okay?" He kissed the top of her head. "It's part of you." "I may have it molded into a vagina someday." "Then I'll love what you have, Annie. It's just parts." She kissed him on the chest. "Maybe I should take care of your part." He smiled. "That would be nice." And it was. Three times. For Annie, there was nothing that made her feel like a woman quite like sex with her man. It was a joy to walk through the mall and have him grab her hand, or for him to look appreciatively at her legs in a new dress. It was freeing, and the more she did it, the less awkward she felt. And the more like Annie. * * * The days went on, and it was clear to all that Caleb and Annie were into each other. They held hands in the hall as the other students stared. They kissed when class was over. They hung out in his car in the parking lot. Caleb didn't seem to care if she was trans. And she didn't care that he was not. They were a couple, caring more for each other every day. Kristen seemed to get it; she had been in love, too. And Caleb was nice to her, too. On Caleb's arm, Annie wasn't quite a freak, and no one noticed that she was wearing dresses to school anymore. They were just another couple in the hallway. He was funny. She was gorgeous. He was tall. She was smart. Like the song says, he was outrageously handsome, and she was terminally pretty. The days went on, and they went to concerts and movies. He came over to watch TV. He took her to Cincinnati, to the riverfront. "And don't you two look like you're getting along, Caleb?" Janie asked him one day. "You gonna marry her?" "You know I'm not," Caleb said. "This is all for you." "Oh, not all of it. Some of its for you." "You shouldn't mess with her. She's a good person." "She's a he. Don't forget that because she sucks your dick." "It's what people who care about each other do." "Oh. Do you suck hers?" Caleb paused. "No," he finally said, but Janie didn't believe him. "Prom is coming up. Did you ask her yet?" "No. I don't want to see her hurt." "She won't be. She'll love it. All those guys. All those dicks. It'll open a door for her. She'll be starring in porno movies in a month, I'l bet." "Please don't do this." "You made a deal. Break it, and I'll be sure Annie knows you planned on this the whole time. Think she'll like you then, lover boy?" "No. No, she wouldn't." "Then do what they tell you. What do the fags say: Suck it up?" Janie laughed, and Caleb dropped his eyes in shame. God, how had he ever gotten into this? * * Weeks went by, and Caleb started sleeping over at Annie's house. Elizabeth didn't like it -- she always thought Annie was too young. But if kids were going to have sex, well, at least Annie couldn't get pregnant. And Caleb was such a sweet boy. He asked her to prom on a Saturday night, and of course, she said yes. She went to bed that night feeling like a princess, like a butterfly who had escaped from her cocoon. The prom was a forever memory, she thought. She'd never outgrow it. But as the days got close, Caleb seemed to withdraw. He talked about not going. to the prom, after all He talked about staying only for a few minutes. But Annie would hear none of it. This was her prom, for crying out loud. He couldn't deny her that. "Annie," he finally said. "We need to talk." "Okay," she said. She was wearing a teal skirt and a jade green blouse. "Annie, I love you, You know I love you." "And I love you. What's the problem?" "I can't take you to the prom," he said. "You what?" Something felt heavy in her chest. "Something...something bad is going to happen, baby. We can't be there." "What's going to happen, Caleb?" "It's a set-up, Annie. You know that hotel room I rented? When I show up, some of the guys are going to be there. Stump. Luke. The Goons. They're going to rape you. It's all been planned." "They what? Were you part of this, Caleb?" "Some of it," he said, meekly. "You were going to get me raped?" she was furious now. "It didn't start out like that. But, yeah, I've got to be honest. I'm not innocent here." "You should go, Caleb." "What? No, I ... " "Caleb, I think you need to leave." "Baby. Can't we talk...." "You've said enough, Caleb. It was all lies, wasn't it? I didn't mean anything to you." "Or course you did, Annie. It wasn't all lies. You and I weren't lies. We were real." "Please go, Caleb. I don't want to talk about this anymore." "When can we talk, Annie?" "The day after eternity, Caleb. Maybe the day after that." And, through her sobs, she could hear his footsteps disappear. * * "Men suck. And not in the good way." Kristen was angry. She was storming around Annie's living room, swearing at the male gender that had just betrayed her friend. "Was it that worm's idea? Did his feeble mind come up with this?" "I don't know," Annie said. "He kind of indicated someone else was in charge." "Was it Stump? He's an evil little troll." "I don't think so. Stump is somewhere trying to figure out how to use a ball point pen." "Jimmy?" "Too self-absorbed. He's studying himself in the mirror." "It could have been Janie. She acts like your friend, but I don't trust her ass." "I thought you liked her ass." "What are you talking about, Annie." Annie giggled. I've seem the way you look at her with those goo-goo eyes of yours." "I do NOT have goo-goo eyes." "Goo-goo eyes and a salivating mouth." "If she did this, I swear, I'll kick her ass." "You can kiss her ass if you want to. I don't care." "I said kick, not kiss." Annie giggled. It make her feel better to give Kristen grief. "You okay, Annie? This was tough on you." "I'm getting better. It was hard. I really liked Caleb." "You hear from him?" "He keeps texting. And calling. But I don't want to talk to him. There's nothing he can say to me now." "He just made a mistake. Guys do that." Annie shook her head. "I couldn't look a him without remembering. There are other guys who will treat me better. I deserve someone who will treat me like a human being." Sex was hard, Annie said. Oh not the act itself. There was nothing that gave her more validity as a woman than sex with Caleb, nothing that convinced her the road fate had led her down was the right one. But, damn, it hurt. She was so angry at Caleb, but she missed him so much. Maybe that was the essence of being female. She would heal. She knew that. She would grow, and harden, and she would learn from this. She had given herself to someone who wasn't worthy of her. A mistake. That's all. Hell, if you're going to live 70 years as a woman, you're going to make a lot of those. * * It was late April, and Annie was at work grading papers for Miss Carvell, the English teacher. Miss Carvel was nice, and she had begun to help her in February. She was alone in the classroom when she felt someone enter the room. She looked up, and she saw a freshman -- Roddy something-or-other -- standing there. "Can I help you?" Annie said. "Miss Carvel is at lunch. She'll be back at 1." "Um well, I actually came to talk to you," the kid said. "How can I help you?" she said. "Um, I'm Roddy Clayton. I just wanted to say...thank you." "That me? For what?" Annie looked at him. "For....being brave," he said. "You aren't the only one." "I'm sorry?" Roddy's eyes darted around the room. "You aren't the only boy who likes to dress up," he said softly. "Oh," Annie said. "Oooh." "I'm Rhonda," the kid said. "I mean, sometimes, I'm Rhonda." Annie smiled. "Well, it's nice to meet you Rhonda. I'm Annie." "Everyone knows who you are," Rhonda said. "You're...you're my role model. I want to be like you. But when do I come out?" "I can't tell you that," Annie said. "That's a personal choice. You do it when you're ready. You do it when it hurts too much not do it. I won't tell you it's easy. But in the end, what choice do we have?" "Will you help me?" Rhonda asked. Annie smiled. "I'll always be there for you, Rhonda. If you want, I'll come over and you can dress the way you're supposed to dress. We can talk if you want." "I'd...I'd like that, Annie. You're my hero." Annie smiled. It was the best she had felt in months. And a light bulb went off. This is what she would do. She would be a guide. She would mentor young trans girls and help them down there path. She would tell them they weren't alone, that they needn't be afraid. She'd tell them that the world was filled with Janies and Stumps and Calebs. She would be a light in the darkness. * * It was Monday, graduation day. And as Annie looked into her mirror, she thought she looked good. She was wearing a silver dress to go underneath her grown. Her hard flowed around the side of her head, with long chandelier earrings. Her lipstick was pink. Her eye liner was muted. Her breasts had grown. Her hair, too. Nothing in the mirror was male. It had been a hell of a year, hadn't it? Filled with scars and scorn, with pain and punishment, with groaning and growing. But she was stronger for it. She still had her dignity. She liked who she was, damn it. She never forgave Caleb. There were times she caught him staring at her across a classroom, but she was with Jason now. It was ... promising. But this time, she was going to take her time. Downstairs, she could hear her mother setting up for the party later that day. Some kids from school were coming over. No, she still wasn't Miss Popularity, but enough kids had gotten used to her being her. For the most part, she was happy. She was fulfilled. In her life, there were always going to be Janies. There were always going to Stumps. But there were also good people. Senior year had taught her that much. She smiled. Next year, she would start classes at Ohio State. There, her education would continue.