Chad
- 3 years ago
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Flowers For Chad free porn video
Flowers for Chad
by Lenal
[Content Note: This is, by far, the darkest story I've written, and
contains themes of gender dysphoria, bigotry, degradation, and identity
death. Apologies to Daniel Keyes for this one.]
THIS FILE IS PROPERTY OF THE JUNO INSTITUTE. ACCESS IS RESTRICTED TO
PROJECT TIRESIAS SUPERVISORS. UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS IS PROHIBITED AND WILL
RESULT IN PHYSICAL AND MENTAL PENALTIES.
RESEARCHER'S NOTE: Attached is a text transcript of the Electronic Diary
for Patient #142. Like all Tiresias patients, Patient #142 was recruited
from an online imageboard for "alpha males." The transcript has been
redacted to remove identifying information and certain inappropriate
terms. Patient #142 was transferred out of the experimental group after
seventy-five days in order to preserve proper blinding protocol; the
transcript is included for completeness and transparency.
DAY 1
diarys r 4 [Slur Redacted]
DAY 10
hotty dr says i need 2 put sumthin here every week or i dont get paid
DAY 12
wonder if hottie dr reads this shit. wonder if she's ever had a real man
DAY 14
[Photograph of Patient #142's erect penis]
DAY 16
[Photograph of Patient #142's erect penis]
DAY 17
[Photograph of Patient #142's erect penis] u like what u see?
DAY 19
You got my number if you wanna get in line, hot doctor. I bet you got a
degree in cocksucking
DAY 21
Fucked this totally smokin [Slur Redacted] last night. Couldnt get enough
of me, total freak. Not the kind of girl u wanna keep but definitely the
kind you wanna have some video of for the spank bank.
DAY 23
Felt wierd this morning. Hope I didn't catch something from that skank on
Friday. Think Im gonna go back 2 bed.
DAY 24
Doctor [Name Redacted] did a test and said I was negative for gonnurea
and shit, and the weird feeling might be a side-effect of the experiment,
but she couldn't tell me more detale. Goin to bed early again.
DAY 26
Didn't want to get out of bed this morning. My whole body felt wrong,
like my skin was on too tight. I could barely stand to look at myself in
the shower.
DAY 27
I don't like what I see in the miror anymore. I don't reconize that
person. I felt better after shaving my face. I shaved everything else,
too. I feel so smoothe. It's the best I've felt in a week. Everything I
wear feels so strange against my skin. I love it!
DAY 29
Hair started growing back, and I got depressed again. Was gonna stay in
bed, but the boys called to go out to pick up chicks, figured it might
cheer me up. It didn't. I kept staring at attractive women, noticing
things I'd never noticed before. How they moved, how their voices
sounded, the shape of their wrists and hips. All I could think was that
I'd never have what they have. I musta been pretty drunk, but the feeling
won't go away. I keep looking at my hands and I hate them so much, there
so big and broad, like the rest of me. I thought that's what I always
wanted, but I can't stand it. I feel like a monster.
DAY 30
Saw Dr. [Name Redacted] and told her about how I'm feeling. She referred
me to a therapist. A month ago I would've hated the idea, but
now...anything that might help with the way I'm feeling.
DAY 32
Had my first appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. He said it sounded
like I might have gender dysphoria. I fuckin' walked out. I'm not a [Slur
Redacted], I'm a man!
DAY 34
Felt like shit again. Dr. [Name Redacted] called, and I set up another
appointment. Maybe he's right. I've been looking online and the symptoms
fit.
DAY 35
Second appointment with Dr. [Name Redacted]. I think he's right. I've
spent so long trying to prove myself, scared of what I think I always
knew, deep down. I've been playing a part, trying to be what I think a
man is supposed to be, but it's always felt false, I understand that now.
I'm ready to start accepting who I really am.
DAY 36
I bought my first tube of lipstick today. The cosmetics aisle was so
bright, and I had to wait until there wasn't anyone around. My heart was
beating so hard I could hear it. I felt like I was trying to rob a bank.
I had to use the self-checkout, and I kept worrying that someone would
see me with it. What would I say? But it was so thrilling to own it, like
the first day I shaved my legs. I tried it on when I got home and I
looked ridiculous but it made me so happy I cried. It's called "Stoplight
Red."
DAY 39
Told Dr. [Name Redacted] about my new diagnosis. She said it shouldn't
affect the study, and in fact my participant status meant I could get
shortlisted for HRT. They'd just add it to my regular treatment
injections. Of course I said yes. I thought I might have to wait for
years before I could get approved! Womanhood, here I come!
DAY 42
I know it's probably just the placebo effect--I spent all of Thursday
researching HRT online, so I feel like I have a pretty good grasp of how
it works--but I swear I can already see the effects, even after two days.
I've been putting lotion all over my skin to keep it from drying out, and
I feel like my body hair has gotten thinner. It's probably nothing, but
it makes me feel absolutely giddy. I keep just touching things to see how
they feel.
DAY 48
BOOBS! They're little, but I swear they're there! I had no idea HRT could
work this fast, but I feel like my hips are wider too. How long until I
can start looking into FFS? Voice training? I swear, I look ten years
younger, but my emotional regulation is a complete mess. I cried at a dog
food commercial. None of my clothes feel right anymore, but who cares? I
don't want to wear most of that stuff anyway. That's [Name Redacted]'s
stuff! That's not who I am anymore. I haven't chosen a new name yet,
though.
DAY 50
My appointments with both doctors coincided today. Dr. [Name Redacted]
was pleased with my progress so far. He says he barely recognized me. I
think he was just being polite, but I certainly feel different, and it's
not just the sundress. Though I do adore the sundress. There's a nonzero
chance that I never wear pants again. My shoulders are still too broad,
and I still have man-hands, and I'm still too tall (even though I swear
I'm getting shorter), but Dr. [Name Redacted] says I should focus on how
far I've come and live in the now, instead of setting unrealistic goals
for the future. We also talked about names. I think I've settled on [Name
Redacted], but I like [Name Redacted] too. Maybe I'll choose one of them
as a middle name.
Dr. [Name Redacted] was her usual taciturn self. She steadfastly refused
to give away anything that might affect the study. She *was* able to tell
me that my HRT regimen is a proprietary blend that isn't widely available
yet, which may be why my results are so atypical based on what I've been
able to glean from my research. She also reminded me that there is a
fifty percent chance that I'm in the control group, so there's no way to
know if any effects are the result of the experimental treatment. If I
*am* in the experimental group, my log will be useful in helping them
assess the effects of the treatment on people who are transitioning, so
it's nice to know that this little diary might make things better for my
trans brothers, sisters, and nonbinary siblings.
DAY 54
I went for my first bra fitting today! I swear I almost fainted when the
assistant said I was a B-cup. She helped me pick out several styles, and
I'm so excited to wear them all. I finally donated all my old clothes (to
Goodwill, of course. The Salvation Army has made their position on people
like me *abundantly* clear); none of them fit me properly anymore. Even
the shoes, which I thought was a little unusual, but I guess hormones are
somewhat magical. They certainly make me feel magical! And so does being
able to wear cute shoes off the rack instead of special ordering them
online! They're a little tight, but I'll break them in.
DAY 56
I think I must have worn those cute new shoes for forty-eight hours
straight because I was so excited. The result is that they now fit
absolutely perfectly; if anything, they're a little loose!
DAY 57
In the interest of keeping detailed records for the future, I should
describe something that I had been reluctant to admit previously,
possibly as a vestige of the toxic masculinity that I've still
internalized somewhere, but it isn't just my feet that seem to have grown
smaller since I started HRT. My penis and testicles are considerably
smaller, which I initially chalked up to an optical illusion that
resulted from my hips and breasts growing and my continued periodic
shaving. But they are absolutely, undeniably smaller, almost
prepubescent. On one hand, it makes me worried about possible
complications down the line. I've certainly been thinking about bottom
surgery, but I hadn't yet decided on it. I don't want the effects of this
unconventional hormone cocktail to reduce my chances of having a somewhat
functional vagina in the future.
On a more positive note, I can comfortably wear cute panties without any
tedious tucking now!
DAY 59
I went back to the lingerie store today, because none of my bras fit
properly. The clerk, the same one who had helped me just last week,
didn't even recognize me at first. I admit that I'd done my makeup
differently today, but I had to show her my receipt and recount in some
detail our previous encounter before it clicked. She said my voice even
sounded different, but I suspect that was an attempt at flattery on her
part. She gave me a complimentary resizing, and this time she said I was
a C-cup, possibly verging on D! I asked her to redo the measurements
twice, but she was certain, and was so apologetic for getting it wrong
before. The strangest part about it is that the bras fit so well when I
tried them on, and have only gotten tighter over the last few days. I
thought I was just imagining that my breasts were growing, but maybe they
actually have? I've been noticing differences in the fat distribution in
my hips and posterior too. I'll ask Dr. [Name Redacted] at my next
appointment.
DAY 66
I was, perhaps, understating things some weeks ago when I opined that
hormones are magical. Dr. [Name Redacted] was able to share with me
additional information about this proprietary regimen, but I could
scarcely believe what she was saying. "Complete organ alteration without
surgical intervention," I believe was her exact phrasing. She warned
that, based on where I was in the treatment, I may find the need to get
more rest than usual as my body made the requisite alterations down to
the cellular level. I was skeptical, but sure enough, within twenty-four
hours I could barely keep my eyes open. I called Dr. [Name Redacted] when
I woke up halfway through the next day, feeling nauseous and weak, and
she dispatched a nurse from the Institute to stay with me. I spent nearly
all of each day in bed, and when I wasn't, I was experiencing severe
abdominal discomfort. They had me on an intravenous fluid drip at one
point, but I only regained consciousness for short periods (hence the
long delay between entries).
The result, and I would not believe it if I had not seen it with my own
eyes and felt it with my own fingers, is what appears to be a fully-
formed, normally-functional vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris, the entire
package, so to speak. It is unbearably adorable, if I may allow myself
such an indulgence, and appears to be completely functional, though to be
clear, I have not yet attempted any of its functions beyond urination. I
asked Dr. [Name Redacted] if I would have to perform any dilations, but
she said that should not be necessary with this treatment. I wish I could
share this with the wider trans community online. This kind of treatment
could change so many lives. It should be shared with the world.
DAY 69
A mere four months ago, I would have found some juvenile humor in that
particular number, and the double entendre it has come to represent in
the popular vernacular. While I can no longer say that I find any numeral
especially humorous, I decided that I should honor this arbitrary
milestone by conducting certain tests on my altered anatomy. It is, after
all, important to the scientific endeavor. Without belaboring the point,
I can say that my vagina (just typing those words sends a euphoric thrill
through my body: *my vagina*!) seems to be completely functional in a
sexual sense. I was able to achieve orgasm through manual stimulation
both of the external clitoris and of the internal tissues, though
additional study would be necessary to determine if the so-called vaginal
orgasms were the result of stimulation of vaginal tissue, the internal
clitoral wings, the Skene glands, or some combination thereof. While I am
certain to continue performing such experiments on myself, I must confess
that I have not experienced much spontaneous sexual arousal of late, of
the sort which was common before I began my transition. I assume that it
is a byproduct of the hormone treatments, which are well known to cause
alterations to sexual desire. I will ask Dr. [Name Redacted] what he
thinks at our next session. Perhaps he will have some advice.
DAY 74
As has become somewhat commonplace over the course of my brief
transition, I could scarcely fathom the latest alteration to my body. I
recognized the symptoms immediately, of course, the streak of crimson
fluid in my undergarments and sheets that greeted me this morning, along
with the telltale breast tenderness and abdominal cramps that were, in
hindsight, my first direct confirmation that I now possess a uterus,
which is shedding its lining in a manner that I will, presumably, become
accustomed to as time proceeds onward. I admit that this has made me feel
a considerable amount of emotion, not entirely unlike what I might have
felt if I experienced menarche at the typical age for an adolescent girl.
I immediately contacted Dr. [Name Redacted], who was understandably
surprised and cautioned me against irrational exuberance. He was correct
that this might merely be some sort of discharge or heavy spotting, and
that I should call Dr. [Name Redacted] to confirm whether or not this was
possible.
Dr. [Name Redacted], however, confirmed that patients on this hormone
treatment had experienced the typical symptoms of menstruation, and that
it was likely that the therapy had been able to grow a uterus. She said
she was unable to provide any answers to my questions about potential
fertility. She referred back to the need for secrecy with regard to
experimental protocol, and I acknowledged the importance of double-
blinding, though I feel that knowing my reproductive potential is also of
high importance.
The result of these conversations was a visit to a local retailer's
"feminine hygeine" aisle for the first time. I encumbered my basket with
tampons and maxi pads and considered whether the cost and environmental
impact might make a reusable cup or absorbent undergarments the more
responsible choice, but determined that obtaining those items would
require more time than the typical five-to-seven day menstrual period,
and that I would be able to make more informed choices if I spent
additional time on research, including first-hand experience with the
more readily available appliances.
Standing in that aisle, it occurred to me that just a few months ago, I
would have been mortified to be seen with these items in my vicinity, let
alone in my possession. Even a few weeks ago, I believed I would have
appeared to be some sort of interloper, possibly the subject of
transphobic remarks or attacks, just for setting foot there. Yet today I
felt entirely comfortable in that space, with the exception of the
cramps.
DAY 75
I have found my mind preoccupied for some hours regarding a statement I
wrote yesterday without deeper consideration at the time, namely that I
would have experienced substantial discomfort entering a retailer space
devoted to selling products designed for the biological necessities of
people who possess uteri. I recognize the truth in this statement, but
have had some difficulty reconciling it with my understanding of gender
dysphoria. My discomfort, I feel certain, would not have been the result
of a wistful jealousy toward cis women, nor would it have come from a
fear that being near such a space might cause suspicion about my fa?ade
of masculinity, though I suspect that comes closer to the truth. Try as I
might to engage in this metacognitive interrogation of my pretransition
self, the only conclusion I can come to is that I did not genuinely see
myself as female, at the time.
That, in and of itself, may not be cause for suspicion. There are myriad
ways to be transgender, and such awareness may develop later in some
individuals than in others. However, as I investigated my feelings and
memories further, I became confident that I did not experience gender
dysphoria prior to becoming a subject for this experiment. This led me to
question the nature of the experiment, and the Juno Institute as an
entity, questions I would have been wise to consider before entering into
my patient contract. There is precious little information about the
Institute on the Internet, so I will have to use alternative methods.
DAY 76
I have been foolish, and I curse myself for my naivet?. Dr. [Name
Redacted] had assured me that this electronic log is confidential, and
while I have no direct evidence to the contrary, I strongly suspect that
a supervisor has been reading my entries and knew that I planned to
acquire additional information about the Juno Institute last night. It is
the only logical explanation for why the information I gathered last
night has disappeared from my hard drive today, since I am certain that
my actions were unnoticed at the time. I can no longer commit my unedited
thoughts to this log.
DAY 79
I suspect that there has been an alteration to my treatment, possibly in
retaliation for my ill-conceived attempt to acquire additional
information about this experiment. I have been dutiful in continuing my
treatment, but I have noticed subtle alterations in Dr. [Name Redacted]'s
conduct toward me in our appointments.
I think my body is undergoing additional changes too. My bras have gotten
too tight again, and I noticed that my lips seem more full. It's been
over a week since I last shaved, but there's no stubble anywhere on my
body.
Moreover, the absent libido I lamented several days ago has gradually
returned with a sense of insistence. I find myself waking from sexually
explicit dreams to find myself in a heightened state of arousal. My
dreams have, curiously, involved both men and women, suggesting
alterations to my patterns of sexual attraction and my sexual
orientation, which is an unexpected but not altogether unwelcome
development.
DAY 82
My libido keeps getting stronger. I've been masturbating multiple times a
day, just to keep the urges under control. The very attractive woman at
the sex toy shop was able to recommend a variety of vibrators and dildoes
to me, and I bought them all. I nearly soaked my panties on the way home,
and kept imagining myself in bed with everyone I passed. Hopefully I just
needed a little mechanical help to solve this problem.
DAY 85
It keeps getting worse. I'm horny all the time now, and masturbating only
dulls the urges for a few minutes. I have a dildo inside of me right now,
just to stop the feeling of emptiness. This isn't normal, but Dr. [Name
Redacted] stopped taking my calls. He said there were "ethical concerns"
after I told him how attractive I found him now, how I kept dreaming
about him, how I was sure I just needed him to hold me for a little bit
and I'd feel better.
DAY 87
please, i know someone is reading tyhis, i'm sorry. i knmow ewhat's
happeninhg. i'm typing wiyth one handf because i can't think if i stop
masyurbatuing. pleas, i don't want toi nbe like this, i promise i'll be a
goods girl, plesase
DAY 89
Scored with a totally hot guy last night. Feel sooooo much better now.
Turns out all I needed to fix my head was a dose of vitamin D, if u know
what I mean. Might see if I can get another injection tonight
DAY 91
had amaaaaaazing sex with [Name Redacted] n his friend last night. double
dose of the d! n me with my double-ds, lol
DAY 96
omg theres still cum on my titties from last night SO DIRTYYYY I luv
it!!!
DAY 100
daddy n his frends gave me looooots of cummies all over!!!! gunna keep em
cumming n cumming 4eva!!!
DAY 101
[Selfie photograph of Patient #142]
DAY 102
[Selfie photograph of the Patient #142, topless]
DAY 106
[Selfie photograph of Patient #142 spreading her labia]
DAY 113
24/7 slut cams XXX hardcor b/g g/g dp anal gangbang no limits joyn now!!!
[Link Redacted]
END TRANSCRIPT
Libbie
- 08.09.2020
- 9
- 0
