Losing Our Bearings 6 The Road To Llety Cariad
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Losing Our Bearings 10: After Llety-cariad - An Honest Conversation And A New Beginning? free porn video
I was up before Maggie the next morning and started packing. She joined me to help before we had breakfast. We left as soon as we had cleared and loaded the car so that we had plenty of time to stop on the way home and enjoy the rolling hills of the borderlands between Wales and England.
As we drove away, I recalled what ‘Llety-cariad’ meant in English: ‘Loves Abode”. I tried to decide if it had lived up to its name, and if so who’s love? Maggie and Michael’s? Maggie and Lisa’s? Maybe it had helped Maggie and me, and we would be able to look back and see how it left us in a different place.
We stopped for lunch in a small town and went window shopping looking at unsuitable souvenirs not to buy. We laughed, held hands and at times we talked.
After lunch, when we were back in the car, Maggie told me again how much she had enjoyed the weekend. She loved the time we spent with the family earlier in the weekend, the time with Michael Lisa and the others, and last night with me. She wanted to thank me for arranging it and she wanted me to know how grateful she was. She thought the house was amazing and the surrounding area was beautiful.
I told her that I loved seeing her happy. I was worried that the surprises might not work, but she just confirmed to me that she loved surprises.
I used the opportunity to say that I was surprised too. I was surprised at what she wanted to do with Michael, what she wanted to do with Will and how she spent a whole night with Lisa. Maggie was a little less forthcoming at this point, but assured me that she was still sorting out the thoughts in her own mind.
She did say that when I offered her the chance to do whatever she liked, it set her mind racing and all the fantasies she had buried deep inside came to the surface. As she told me this, she started to sound breathless and excited even as she relayed her thoughts to me.
Over the last few months she had realised that some men find her very desirable despite her age and being a mother. Knowing that she wasn’t getting younger she saw this as a chance to do the experimentation that she had never done as a teenager or university student.
Will was the unsuitable boyfriend she never dared to go out with. She wanted to spend time with him. Now she felt she had got that out of her system. She made it clear to me that Will was not someone she felt she needed to spend anymore intimate time with.
She said that being tied up and giving up control had been something she had thought about before she was married. She had forgotten about this until she first had sex with Simon a few months ago. This weekend she had felt safe with me and Kat to protect her, but she also trusted Michael and Lisa and so she decided that she would never have a better opportunity.
She was sorry to have left to go off with Michael without letting me know, but I had left the room and she wasn’t sure when I would return. Michael had wanted to speak to her away from the others. They went into the main bedroom and one thing led to another and they decided to try out the bath.
While they were in the bath, Michael asked her what her deepest fantasy would be, and this triggered her thoughts about giving up control. The idea of tying her up and restricting her senses by blindfolding and gagging her had developed between them. Michael thought it was a bit extreme but once he had mentioned it, Maggie wanted to try it. She would be restrained and in the darkness she would be left alone for a while to wonder what would happen to her, then someone would come in and do what they wanted with her.
Michael made it clear that any of the others in the house might come in and they would be allowed to do anything they desired to Maggie. It would be a surprise for her. They agreed on a safe word which Maggie could use and which would be the only way to stop anyone. It was only after Maggie was tied up that she realised that she couldn’t use the safe word because of the gag. She knew that she could have easily pulled off the ties to her arms to take off the gag, but she was so excited, she decided to keep the gag in place.
In the silence she got very excited imagining who would start doing things to her. She had someone in the room and was surprised when I took off her blindfold and gag. She thought that Micheal would have told me about what she wanted. Later when she was with Michael, he told her that he was planning to send me in, but I wasn’t around. He sent in Will who was very forceful with her.
Later Michael had said that he hadn’t intended to send in Will. He was jealous of Will and had intended to send in me or Lisa. I hadn't been around to ask and Will was pretty insistent that he wanted to go to Maggie, and kept pointing out that he had put himself out to drive Michael and Lisa to Wales at short notice. After Will had left her, Michael showed her care and was concerned that Will risked making her put an end to everything as she had in Manchester.
I didn’t say that I had witnessed what Will had done and then how she had made love with Michael. I knew it might be better if we started being completely honest with each other, but I wanted to see how much Maggie would describe to me.
We were approaching another town where we had agreed to stop, so the conversation ended at that point.
When we were back on the road again, Maggie had a call from our daughter about various things and we ended up talking about family stuff until we were nearly home.
We had a light supper. Afterwards Maggie was tired, but assured me that we would continue the conversation and not leave things unsaid for too long. She knew that I would be away the following night at a business dinner in London, and she had arranged to catch-up with Kat. I was sure that they would compare notes about the weekend.
When I returned home on Wednesday night, Maggie was tired and had a headache. I wanted to find out what she had discussed with Kat the previous evening. Maggie wanted to say a few things first. I offered her a wine, but she just had water, so I got myself a beer.
Maggie had obviously been thinking about what she wanted to say.
“We can talk when I’m feeling more lively, but I wanted to say a few things first which I hope will set the scene. I want to set a few things straight."
I was immediately worried. Maggie continued.
"Firstly, I’m sorry I’ve been such a bitch recently. I've been so selfish.”
This surprised me. Maggie carried on.
“I’ve been thinking about myself when I should have spent time thinking about us and how you were feeling. These last few weeks have stirred memories from my past, things that I have filed away in the back of my head. I thought they had gone forever.
“I’ve been able to do all the bad things that I sort of wanted to do to defy my mother. I know that I should have left that behind but being with Michael and Will brought out desires inside me I didn’t know were there. After always being a goody two shoes I have been able to taste what it might have been like if I had gone wild at university when I was away from home. Others did, but I didn’t.
“I’ve been a married woman, mother and teacher and there are things that are expected of me and I just accepted that until I had a taste of something different with Simon. I’m sorry I couldn’t do those things with you first. Maybe everything became too screwed up in my head. But I want to work things through with you now.”
Maggie stopped speaking and I wasn’t sure whether she had more to say or was waiting for me to react.
“That’s quite a speech,” I said.
“You deserve more but I hope this is a start of us being more open with each other. I know we’ve tried before, but I’ll be better this time and we’ll keep talking until we get this right,” explained Maggie.
She looked tense, as if she had just got something that she had planned to say off her chest and she wanted to know how it had landed.
“Can I ask you a question?” I said, trying to sound as measured but not distant.
“You can ask me anything you want, and I will answer you as honestly as I can,” replied Maggie.
“Do you ever think you could see Michael and not want to fuck him?” I asked. I wanted to be as direct as I could.
Maggie looked surprised but nodded slowly.
“I really think I could,” replied Maggie. “When I said goodbye to him on Monday morning, I wanted him to go.”
“I heard you from upstairs. You talked of seeing him again,” I said.
“You were listening? Why didn’t you tell me?” I saw a flash of anger in Maggie's eyes.
“I didn’t plan to listen, but you were under Kat’s bedroom so I know what you said and you seemed upset to say goodbye,” I said. I didn’t feel I needed to apologise.
Maggie went bright red, but didn’t respond straight away. She didn’t press the point.
“Michael wants to see me again, but I haven’t said I would. I guess I find it hard to think that this could be final, and after all we had been through I was a bit sad to see him go,” Maggie said.
“Despite telling me you think you can resist him?”
“I’m being honest; I’m telling you how I feel and I know it doesn’t all make sense,” Maggie said. “I don’t want to hold back anything from you anymore, but I know that means saything things that you may not want to hear and may hurt you. I know we need to talk frankly.”
I wanted to think carefully before saying anything. I realised there was a danger in replying too quickly.
“You hate being called Margaret, don’t you?”
Maggie looked confused.
“You know that my mother winds me up by refusing to call me Maggie,” she replied.
“So why do you let Michael call you Margaret, and you call him Mike? You have your own pet names for each other.” I tried not to sound too challenging but I wanted to get this off my chest.
Maggie looked confused and then embarrassed.
“Wow, you have been holding things back. Okay, it was a joke that began when we worked together. It started when we were talking about parents who give children names they don’t like. At first he used it to wind me up, so I called him Mike, which he didn’t like. It stuck, and became a thing. It wasn’t a pet name, although I guess it could have sounded like that. It’s a sort of running joke. I’ll stop using it, and I’ll ask Michael to stop calling me Margaret.”
Maggie’s answer seemed genuine. I knew she genuinely didn’t like the name Margaret, and I could see how this might have come about, and what it ended up looking like.
“So do you want to see Michael again? Or Will?”
“Will, no. Whether I see Michael again depends on you,” Maggie said. “You haven’t been clear with me. Last weekend you seemed to be ready for me to do what I felt I wanted to do with anyone. Then you get upset when I do things you don’t seem to expect.”
“I suppose I”ve been continually shocked at what you’ve done,” I said. I was trying to be honest too. It felt better that we were facing up to what had been going on.
“I’ve shocked myself too,” said Maggie. Her eyes became brighter and she seemed to become more animated as she thought of what she had done, as if she was reliving it in her mind.
“I don’t want to stop talking about what has happened in the recent past, but I do want to go forward together from here. I have learned more than I ever imagined about myself. I have learned to enjoy letting myself go and giving in to my deepest desires. You have to admit, however much what I’ve done has caused you pain, you have also enjoyed bening married to a hot wife. Be honest.”
“I guess I’m as confused as ever,” I replied. “Yes, there’s part of me that has loved seeing this side of you. But it also hurts so much and I can’t see how we can move forward this way. I can’t live like this over the long term. After Manchester, you kept me at arm's length in bed. After all that you did with Michael, you then pushed me away. There is a kind of excitement having a hot wife, but at the very least I should be able to share the benefits in bed.”
“I agree that we can’t carry on like this. Manchester happened. Last weekend happened. We can’t ignore it and I don’t want to. I had an amazing time, but I know we can’t keep having weekends like the last one. On Monday night you and I did some pretty exciting things which I think we both enjoyed,” said Maggie.
I wanted to ask Maggie a direct question.
“Why can’t you and I do more of the things together that you’ve done with Michael and Will?”
“I thought we couldn’t, we didn’t have that kind of chemistry. You’ve always been so kind and never in any way forceful. But maybe that has changed, maybe now we could do some of those things.”
“Even if my cock is smaller than theirs?” I had to get this out in the open.
“I don’t need a bigger cock. You’re fine for me,” said Maggie firmly.
I wished I could believe her. But there were other things I wanted to ask her.
“I was surprised at what you did with Lisa. You really seemed to want to spend more time with her,” I said.
Maggie then told me more about her relationship with her roommate from University, Jen. I had already heard this from Lisa, but it was good that at last Maggie was telling me herself. She had fallen in love with Jen, and was heartbroken when she got engaged and married so soon after they had left university.
“Why has it taken so long for you to tell me this?” I asked.
“I was afraid that you would think that I had just married you on the rebound from Jen,” said Maggie.
“Did you?” I pressed the point.
“Okay, I want to be completely honest. At the time, there was part of me who wanted to find a way to move on and to deny the short, but pretty intense, affair with Jen. But I did grow to love you and I’ve never regretted our time together. I know you might find that hard to believe after everything that’s happened in the last few weeks, but it’s still true.”
“It seems that being with Lisa has reminded you about how much you like girls,” I said.
“Lisa’s lovely and more experienced. She’s also stunningly attractive. She’s been with men and women, but she is careful about who she is with. I thought she'd had many lovers but she told me that it wasn't much more than ten. I felt special with her.”
“So would you like to be her lover again?” I started to realise that Maggie might be falling in love with Lisa. I wasn’t sure why it hadn’t worried me more.
“We clicked in Manchester and I wanted her so much when I saw her again. I’d like to see her but I’m sure she doesn’t want me to be her long term lover. She also knows that you and I have to navigate our relationship and she wants me to sort that out before thinking of what might be any future for her and me. She admitted that she didn’t want to get too emotionally involved with me until I had worked things out,” Maggie explained. She was speaking carefully, thinking things through.
“Could you ever just be satisfied with me, or with any man? It sounds like you would always want to go back to being with a woman.”
“It was lovely, and I can’t deny how it brought everything back. But I made my choices and now I want to rebuild our relationship. I’m still not clear whether you want me to give up other partners. You can’t keep encouraging me at times, and then not like what happens. What do you want, Paul?” I felt Maggie’s eyes boring into me as she stared at me.
I didn’t want to answer straight away. I wanted to be honest too and some of the things I had seen Maggie do still got me excited whenever I recalled them.
“Can we not do anything with anyone else for a while? At least until the end of the year? Let’s try and start a new chapter together. Can we see if you and I can push our boundaries together, starting with this weekend?”
“What have you in mind?” Maggie’s tone softened.
My mind was full of possibilities, but I wanted to do something that would be different for us but as exciting for Maggie as it could be.
“Maybe on Saturday night, you will bathe and I will prepare our bedroom with candles and music. You will come out of the bathroom naked, and I will massage your whole body with oils. When you are on your back, rather than finishing, I will secure your hands and legs to the bed. More securely than Michael did on Sunday night.”
I waited to see how Maggie reacted. She smiled.
“Go on,” she said, sounding aroused.
“I’ll blindfold you and then try out different things on your body. Some will be soft but some won’t be. Some will cause some pain, but nothing too bad,” I said. I tried to sound mysterious. “You’ll experience a different side of me.”
“It sounds nice, and I know you won’t hurt me, at least not too much. I’m happy for you to try and take me out of my comfort zone.”
I was thinking of using ice and maybe hot candle wax. I also thought of feathers and leather. I was already getting excited.
“You’ll need to have a safe word. I suggest Llety-cariad, but I’m warning you that if you pronounce it wrongly I’ll punish you,” I said smiling.
Maggie took my hand.
“I’m looking forward to it. I’ll practice saying the safe word but I might still get it wrong. After all I’ve done, maybe I need a little punishment from my husband,” she said with a twinkle in her eye.
Maggie thought for a moment. “But, maybe not this weekend? I’m not sure I’d be happy doing this at mum and dad’s house.”
It dawned on me that we were going to spend the weekend with Maggie’s parents. I could never imagine how her mother had ever had sex but I knew she must have to have given birth to Maggie and her brother. A stay at her parents was always a sure way to make sure I didn’t feel like sex.
“Damn, I forgot. Then I’m away for most of the week,” I said.
“It can wait for another week before you have your wicked way with me,” said Maggie. “I’ll save myself, and maybe we can sneak in a little sex at some point.”
She yawned and apologised.
“Sorry, I think I’m still suffering the after effects of my lack of sleep,” she added. “I need to go to bed.”
Maggie went upstairs, and when I came to bed later she was asleep; she stirred, however, as I got into bed. She held out her hand to take mine. With my other hand I reached across to touch her body and she flinched when I tried to touch her breasts. I feared that we were returning to old ways, but although she was half asleep, Maggie assured me that it was just that she didn’t feel right at the moment and her breasts were particularly sensitive.
I went to sleep slightly relieved. I really thought I had lost Maggie and that the weekend away would prove to be the biggest mistake of my life. However, our relationship had survived it, and maybe it would even be stronger because of it. Certainly, Maggie appeared to want to continue to be more sexually open with me. I was looking forward to letting Kat know that despite her reservations, I hadn’t got things completely wrong.
I was off to work early the next day and since Maggie was still off school I left her in bed. I called mid-morning, to find that Maggie had only just got out of bed. She had felt sick that morning, although she was now feeling better and we could talk more later. I had to remind her that I would be late home after an evening meeting.
Maggie was still tired the following night, and she felt under the weather all week. Clearly the weekend had taken it out of her. When we were together she went out of her way to show me affection and reassure me that this was not going to be a repeat of how she behaved after the Manchester weekend.
The weekend at Maggie’s parents followed a familiar pattern. We looked at some old family photographs and I saw a young and attractive Maggie dressed conservatively by her mother. Even when on the beach she had one piece bathing suits. Her mother never had even a bathing suit on in any photos. I studied them more closely as I thought about how Maggie’s mother’s attitude had influenced her daughter.
As was usual when we were visiting, we went with Maggie’s mother to church. She always loved showing off her daughter and son-in-law to her friends as if we were still a young couple. Outside the church after the service I wandered off walking amongst the churchyard looking at the trees changing colours.
I looked back and saw Maggie and her mother talking to friends outside the church and I wondered what they would all think if they knew that Maggie had been having sex with different men over the last few months.
I wanted to show them a picture of Maggie, the perfect daughter and mother, tied up naked with Will’s big cock entering her. Or with Michael’s black cock withdrawing from her pussy leaving a deposit of his cum inside her. Or with Will’s cock in her pussy and Michael’s cock rammed down her throat. But, of course these images only lived in my head.
What secrets might lie behind other families' apparently normal lives?
Maggie didn’t eat much throughout the weekend, and clearly wasn’t feeling on top form. However, we did cuddle in bed, and laughed at how shocked Maggie’s mother would be with her behaviour, but also how sad it was that she really didn’t know her daughter. She always meant well. The concept of a ‘hot wife’ would be completely alien to her.
We both had a busy week ahead. I would be away from Monday night for a few days on a project based in the north east. Maggie would be back at school teaching with evening meetings. We agreed that we would dedicate the following weekend to each other. When we weren’t enjoying trying new things in bed we would take the time to discuss where things went from here. Maggie was sure she would be fit and ready for us to indulge each other.
I left to go away late on Monday evening. The week was busy and when I spoke to Maggie each evening she was really tired and going to bed early. She still didn’t feel right, and I suggested that she arrange an appointment to see a doctor, but she said that it wasn’t that bad.
When I was travelling I had found time to research what candles were best to use to drop hot wax on skin without causing any damage to the skin. I also found a sex shop on the road where I brought some straps that were designed to secure hands and feet. In addition I bought a soft leather whip, a leather blindfold, and even some nipple clamps, although I didn’t expect to use them for a while. I was going to be careful but I wanted to make sure that Maggie had a good time.
On Friday night I returned with a bottle of expensive wine and some flowers. I was excited at seeing Maggie
Maggie was pleased to receive the flowers and gave me a big hug. However, she wasn’t hungry, she had yet another headache and seemed to have a slight temperature. She seemed subdued. She assured me that it wasn’t anything that I had done, and she hadn’t been in touch with Michael.
Lisa had sent a couple of messages encouraging her to come up to Manchester for a weekend closer to Christmas, but that she had not committed to anything. She wanted to spend more time with me, and if she did see Lisa, it would be with me and with my clear agreement.
I was concerned that Maggie hadn’t been well since soon after we arrived back from Wales. I tried to put to the back of my mind my disappointment that she might not be well enough to want much physical contact.
On Saturday morning I was awake before Maggie, which wasn’t unusual. I left her in bed. I heard her get up later and she spent some time in the bathroom. When she came down, she was pale and looked sick.
She didn’t say anything, but didn’t want any breakfast. I asked her how long she had been like this, and she admitted that it had been a few days.
I was hoping we could discuss our plans for our future some more, as well as preparing for our special night together. I realised that Maggie wasn’t in the right mood, and so I tried to hide my frustration that our evening might not go as well as I expected and I wouldn’t be able to try out all the things I had bought.
I was thinking of what we could do instead when Maggie spoke.
“Let’s go and sit down on the sofa together.”
“You don’t look well,” I said. “I guess that we can wait before we continue our discussions about what we are going to do following the welsh trip.”
“No, we need to talk now.”
Maggie’s reply surprised me.
“Really, when you’re not well?”
“I do feel sick, I have got a headache, but it’s not because I’m ill.”
I was confused. “So what’s wrong?”
Maggie had tears in her eyes. She took a long deep breath. She spoke quietly.
“I think I’m pregnant. In fact I’m almost sure I’m pregnant.”
“How can that be?”
I realised how stupid that question sounded, even as I said it. It’s amazing how quickly one’s mind can work when necessary. I quickly worked out that I could not have made Maggie pregnant. We hadn’t had vaginal sex since her last period.
“I had unprotected sex in Wales,” Maggie said in a surprisingly calm and matter of fact way.
“That’s less than two weeks ago. How can you know?”
“I’ve already had two children. It was a long time ago, but I remember how I felt when I was in the early stages of pregnancy. I’ll need to get a test, but I know what the result will be. How I’ve been feeling makes sense. I know my body.”
I was stunned. This changed everything.
“What happens next?” was all I could say.
Dottie
- 05.04.2021
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