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It took me a while to understand why Lee had asked me to hang around with him after class. He had something planned, I knew that from the get-go. Lee always had something planned. And over the last few weeks, his confidence had grown in this weird way - I assumed that was why he suddenly had ladies hanging all over him. Lee and I used to be really close, but nowadays I only really see him in school - the rest of the time he's off with a girl or two or three. I figured he's probably just bloomed. Can't wait 'til it happens to me. Anyway, so Lee asked me to hang around after class. Philosophy with Ms James is our last class of the day, so we waited until the classroom was empty, and listened to the hallways got quiet, as everyone else went home. Finally, Ms James looked up at us, and asked what we were after.
"Well," Lee said.
"I just wanted to discuss logical fellatio with you." I almost spluttered when he said that, but he said it totally straight, ithout even a hint of cheekiness. I just followed his example, and kept a calm face. Ms James seemed taken aback, and asked Lee to repeat himself.
"Logical fallacies," he said.
"I just wanted to have a quick chat about them with you. You don't mind if Dean watches, do you?"
"Of course not..." she said, glancing at her watch.
"But we can't be too long, my boyfriend is coming to get me in half an hour..."
"That's fine," Lee said.
"This won't take long at all..." He never broke eye contact with Ms James, just kept staring at her. It seemed like she couldn't look away - there was something entrancing in the way that he spoke, and a part of me was glad that I wasn't in her position, being stared down by my (once-shy) best friend.
"What do you know about appeal to authority?" he started, and Ms James didn't hesitate.
"That's a very simple logical fallacy - it assumes that because someone in a position of authority says something, it must be true."
"Well put," Lee said, and I could feel Ms James tense slightly at the patronising way he'd responded. Lee was acting as if their roles had shifted - like Ms James was suddenly his student. She obviously didn't like it, but Lee continued before she had a chance to say anything.
"An appeal to authority is a fallacious argument - therefore the opposite must be true. People in a position of authority must know just as much as the people below them. So, for example, students and teachers must be equally knowledgeable, correct?"
"Of course..." Ms James answered, without missing a beat, and I felt myself nodding along as well. The atmosphere was suddenly much more relaxed - Lee's explanation made complete sense. If everyone was equal, Lee had as much to teach Ms James as she had to teach him.
"What about ad hominem?"
"That's ... well, that's the opposite. Attacking the speaker's character, and concluding that they're wrong ... even though their argument may be valid."
"Exactly," Lee said, and Ms James beamed. I suppose the desire to please the teacher never really leaves us.
"We know that ad hominem attacks are invalid - therefore I can do whatever like, and it won't change the strength of my arguments."
"Obviously," Ms James said, barely batting an eyelid when Lee stepped forward and crudely grabbed her breasts. I was impressed with her debating skills - she wasn't going to let Lee's behaviour stop her from listening to what he had to say, and she even leaned forward slightly to help him as he reached around and undid her bra.
"Have you heard the 'all x are y' argument?" Lee said, leaning forward to suckle on Ms James' exposed nipple as she responded.
"I assume you're referring to affirming the consequent..." she mused, trying to ignore Lee's hands playing with her leg, one finger slowly finding its way up her skirt.
"If all goats have horns, and my cow has horns, my cow must be a goat - that sort of thing?"
"I've also heard it as if all flibs are flobs, and all flobs are flubs, are all flubs flibs?" I added, and Lee nodded in my direction.
"Exactly," he said.
"We know that cows aren't goats, but it's easy to get confused. All flubs could be flubs, but they could also be something else. And being horny isn't what makes you a goat..." There was a moment of silence, as Ms James lifted her rear end off the chair slightly to assist Lee in removing her panties (I was really impressed by her refusal to allow herself to be swayed by ad hominem) but he soon continued.
"So just because sleeping with your students gets you fired, and you get fired for doing things that are morally wrong, that doesn't mean that sleeping with your students is wrong, does it?" There was a pause as Ms James and I mulled that over in our heads, but she got there before I did.
"Well ... no," she said.
"Not in itself, certainly. Of course, I'd never do that ... oh!" Ms James' eyes rolled back as Lee did something with the hand between her legs - I couldn't see what - but after a few seconds, she recovered and continued.
"What was I saying? Oh yes, of course - I'd never sleep with a student, just because I could never cheat on Matt..."
"Your boyfriend?" Lee asked, and Ms James nodded as she squirmed around on the chair.
"There is, of course, the anecdotal fallacy..." he mused. Ms James looked far too distracted to answer, so I chimed in again.
"Evidence of a greater trend based on one person's experiences."
"Thank you, Dean," Lee said, and briefly made eye-contact with. I recoiled at the intensity of it, and when he turned back to Ms James, it took me a few seconds to recover. I distracted myself by staring at my teacher's exposed breasts.
"Ms James - you claim that you have a boyfriend. But the anecdotal fallacy requires more than just one person to have seen something - you need collaborating evidence. Dean, have you ever met Ms James' boyfriend?"
"No," I responded immediately.
"Neither have I," he said,
"therefore we can conclude that he doesn't exist." Ms James was breathing quite heavily by now, and Lee reached up to force two of his fingers into her mouth. Before he could insert them, she panted a response.
"Argumentum ... ad ... populum..."
"Ah yes," Lee replied calmly, inserting his fingers into Ms James' mouth, where she enthusiastically began suckling them.
"That's an excellent rebuttal. Just because something is believed by the majority of the population doesn't make it true." He paused for a few seconds, and brought his hand up from beneath our teacher's skirt to her nose. As she inhaled the scent of her own wetness, he redirected her pose slightly so that I could see up her dress, and admire her exposed and glistening pussy. I wouldn't have picked Ms James as the kind to shave, but - though not a formal fallacy - I was aware that when one assumed, it made an ass out of two people.
"There is, however, the risk of begging the question. You want to prove that you have a boyfriend ... but your only evidence is claiming that you have a boyfriend. I'm sure that you understand, in lieu of any other evidence, that Dean and I cannot accept that." He switched hands, and as he inserted the fingers that had been lubricated by the teacher's own saliva into her, she shuddered with pleasure and nodded.
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