A Well Lived Life 2 Book 3 JessicaChapter 37 Sensei Steve
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March, 1984, Chicago, Illinois
“Kara?” I said when I regained my composure. “What are you doing here?”
“You said I could come visit!” she said brightly. “Are you angry?”
“No, just surprised. Come on in and shut the door. It’s cold out there.”
“Hi Bethany,” Stephanie said.
“Hi. Hello, Kara,” Bethany said, looking a bit askance.
“Hi Bethany. I didn’t realize that you would be here,” Kara said. “I hope it’s OK that I’m here.”
“I was leaving for Milford after lunch. I just stayed to say hello to Stephanie.”
“Well, let’s go eat and you two can explain why Kara’s here and Trish isn’t,” I said, giving Stephanie a hard look that Kara couldn’t see.
We went into the kitchen and the girls sat down while I got the sandwiches from the fridge and moved the pot of soup to the table. I poured cups of tea for everyone, and set out Cokes and Dr Peppers. I sat down next to Bethany, across from my little sister.
“Explain, please,” I said.
“Don’t blame Stephanie,” Kara said. “I called and insisted that she let me come with her. Her friend Trish was OK with that because she was just going to hang out mostly by herself here anyway.”
“Fine, but you two should have told me,” I said.
“So you could say ‘no’?” Kara asked.
“So I had a say. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but this complicates things for me. And I don’t need complicated right now.”
“Why?” Kara asked warily. “I’m not expecting anything from you. I’m sleeping in the same guest room that Trish would have been in. I’m not going to interfere with you and Stephanie. I needed to get away from Milford, I wanted to see your house and I wanted a chance to talk with you.”
I sighed, “I understand and those are all good things, but you should have asked, Kara.”
“And you would have said ‘no’ without having a good reason,” she countered.
“Steve, she’s here,” Bethany said gently. “What’s the point of having this argument?”
“There isn’t one, I guess,” I replied.
“Then drop it, please,” she said. “Let’s eat so I can talk with Kara before I have to leave.”
We ate in relative silence and then Stephanie and I cleaned up while Kara and Bethany went to the great room to talk.
“Squirt, why?” I asked.
“Dad encouraged me to bring her. He overheard my side of the phone call and he said I should bring Kara with me.”
“Well, that explains a lot. He’s meddling in a way he shouldn’t.”
“I asked him about that and he said that he thought Kara needed you as a friend as much as anything else and that this would be good for her. And yes, he did acknowledge that he wouldn’t mind if you two got back together, but he didn’t expect it.”
I sighed, “People need to stop messing with my life, even when they have good intentions. You of all people should know better, Squirt.”
“I think it’s a good thing, Steve. She does need you. And I don’t mean for sex. You’re the rock she has to hold onto to get better. Heck, you know that. If you didn’t believe it, you wouldn’t have slept with her at Christmas.”
“You know, you’re as big of a pain in the ass as Anala, Bethany, and Jennifer!” I chuckled.
“Bigger than all of them put together, big brother!” she said, smiling impishly. Then, she continued seriously, “Because we love you, Steve. I don’t think you and Kara are getting back together, at least not anytime soon. But she really does need your help. And remember, she was there for you, too. She helped you so much that the least you can do is return the favor.”
“Laying the guilt on thick, aren’t you?”
“Not guilt, Steve, compassion and concern. That’s why you’ll help her. You still love her, even if you probably will never be a couple again.”
I sighed, “I do love her. I assume that you two talked a lot on the way here?”
“We did. She’s got her head on straight, at least about you. Maybe she’s putting up a false front, but she seems to be honest about the situation. I pretty much guarantee that unless you make the first move, she’s not even going to mention a relationship, let alone sex. The Christmas thing was a one-time thing. Well, kind of.”
“Kind of?” I asked.
“She felt like she had to prove to herself that sex with you wasn’t wrong. And I think she did. That was a key thing for her, Steve, if you think about it. I was wrong back in December about it. I think it was exactly the right thing to do. She seems to have a pretty healthy view of your relationship now.”
“It was messed-up, Squirt.”
“Yes, and no. You unlocked something in her. Her mom told you that, remember?”
“Yes, I remember.”
“And I think when she comes out of this, she’s going to be a very healthy, very happy person.”
“You’re pretty damned smart for someone who’s not even seventeen yet!” I grinned.
“Speaking of which, I want a complete re-enactment of my fourteenth birthday, big brother.”
“I suppose. But then we’d need one of those fake blood packets like they use in the movies!” I chuckled.
“OK, OK! Not that. But everything else! Tuesday night!”
“As you wish, M’Lady!”
A few minutes later Kara and Bethany came back into the kitchen.
“Why don’t you give Kara a tour, Stephanie,” Bethany said. “I want to talk to Steve.”
“OK,” Stephanie said, leading Kara out of the kitchen.
“She’s really, really grounded,” Bethany said as soon as they were out of earshot. “She’s got her head screwed on straight. I’m impressed.”
“I sense a ‘but’ there,” I said.
“Well of course. She’s not ready for a relationship with anyone. Not yet, anyway. But she’s working on it. You’ll have a decision to make at some point.”
“A decision?” I asked.
“Yes. At some point, she’s going to be ready and you’ll have to decide what to do. One way or the other, you two will end up in bed together. It’ll either be goodbye or the start of a new relationship. I can’t say which at this point.”
I sighed deeply, “She hasn’t figured into any of my thinking about the future, Bethany.”
“No, but eventually she would have, one way or the other. This way is much cleaner. Don’t worry about it now. It’s not any time soon. Just be prepared to discuss it with her when that time comes. I know you well enough that you can handle that. Just be her friend, Steve. That’s the most important thing you can do.”
“I will, Sweetheart. I assume you’re leaving now?”
“As soon as they come back.”
A few minutes later Kara and Stephanie came into the kitchen. Bethany said goodbye and I walked her to her car, and then went back into the house.
“I’m impressed, Steve. This house is amazing!” Kara said when I came back into the kitchen.
“Thanks,” I said. “I think we should talk.”
“When you’re ready, Steve. I know that you’re surprised that I’m here. I know you’re planning to spend time with Stephanie. You don’t have to do anything special for me.”
“You seem to be doing OK,” I said.
“I suppose so. I’m still talking with Doctor Mercer every week, but I’ve come to some conclusions. I’ll tell you about it when you’re ready to talk. Go spend some time with Stephanie.”
“OK. Take either guest room downstairs and feel free to go anywhere in the house except for the bedrooms. Our house rule is nobody in anyone else’s bedroom without express permission.”
“OK. I’m going downstairs now,” she said.
She got up and headed downstairs. I took Stephanie’s hand and led her to the ‘Indian’ room to talk to her.
“How was Mom after the newspaper?” I asked.
“She didn’t leave the house after Sunday. I’m not sure she’ll even go to church tomorrow. I heard her tell Dad that her life is ruined.”
“I have no sympathy for her,” I said. “I feel bad for Dad, though.”
“He’s doing fine,” Stephanie said. “He’s upset about what happened to Jeff, but he also knows that Jeff made his own choices. He’s worried about how Mom is taking it, obviously.”
“He told me he loves her, and I’m sure he does. He’s in a really tough spot, one that I hope I’ll never ever be in. I’m just afraid that Mom is going to lose it, and that’s going to hurt Dad pretty badly.”
“She did get some calls during the week but she’d never come to the phone.”
“That doesn’t surprise me. What’s Jeff doing?”
“Believe it or not, he went back to school! His bail said he had to stay in Ohio and that he couldn’t be around anyone under 16 without supervision.”
“What the hell? Really?” I said.
“Yeah. Even though it’s his second offense, the first one was a misdemeanor and he didn’t touch any of the girls. If he lucks out, he could end up not missing any school at all.”
“That’s just wrong!” I said.
“Let’s just forget about him for now, I have to deal with that at home. Are you mad at me about Kara?”
“Mad isn’t the right word. I’m surprised and a bit disappointed, I guess.”
“She’s not going to interfere, Steve. And she’s not going to try to get you back or anything like that. She just wants to be your friend.”
“Did she bring her bear?” I asked.
“No. At least not that I saw, and her bag doesn’t seem big enough to have a week’s worth of clothes and her bear.”
“I need to ask you something, Squirt. Back when Kara and I were dating, why did you call her my ‘ball and chain’?”
“Because she was, Steve. She was turning you into someone I didn’t like. Someone who was too serious and too conservative.”
“Really? I didn’t see that, I guess.”
“You dropped all your girls except me for her. You almost gave up on Jennifer for her, even before Jennifer decided to go to Stanford, which, I’ll point out, happened because of Kara and Karin and the fact that you were clearly making Kara your future partner. We all saw it. And you confirmed my worst fears when you decided to get engaged.”
“You didn’t say much about that, other than the occasional comments.”
“It wasn’t my place, big brother. You had to make your own decision. You’re lucky that it worked out the way it did.”
“And now?” I said.
“Now? She’s a different person! I wouldn’t call her your ‘ball and chain’ now, even if you two got back together exclusively. I don’t see that happening; but she no longer wants to control and change you. She was a lot like Mom in that way.”
“Ouch! I never saw it that way, Squirt.”
“No, you didn’t. You were blinded by love or lust or whatever. But you were under her control in a way Mom could only dream of.”
“Shit,” I breathed, knowing that Stephanie was right. “That’s what Bethany, Jennifer, and Anala have been trying to tell me. That I’m too submissive.”
“You are. And that needs to stop, well, except in one case,” she said, her eyes twinkling.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” I grinned. “You’ve always had me wrapped around your little finger.”
“To a point. You do have your lines that you won’t cross and you’ve got a strong will. You just need to exert it. And do you know what? ALL of your girls want that from you. Not in the sense that you’re a dictator like Kara’s dad, but in that you are firmly in control. That’s what they need from you, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“I have. It’s tough, though.”
“You can do it, Steve. And you’ll find out that they respond well to it. That’s what Kara needs from you now, even if you two never get back together.”
“I hear you. It’s something to think about. On another topic, what do you want me to cook for you on Tuesday? I bought cake mix and icing when I went shopping.”
“Anything you want to make is fine with me, big brother. You’re almost as good at cooking as you are at sex!” she said with a grin.
“What about Kara?” I asked.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, but you could ask her,” Stephanie smirked. “She’d probably say ‘no’ at this point.”
“You know what I meant, Squirt!” I chuckled.
“She knows we’re intimate again and she’s not going to say anything about it. We actually talked about it on the way up. She asked me all kinds of questions.”
“Did you answer?”
“As best I could. Some things I just can’t explain. She wasn’t freaked out or anything, she was truly curious and it seemed like she was trying to understand my thinking.”
“She really has changed, hasn’t she?” I asked.
“Yes, I think so. But as we agreed earlier, it’s too early to tell what’s going to happen with her long-term.”
“So what’s the plan for the week?” I asked.
“Steve, Stephanie, sex, saunas, and snuggling!” she said with a small laugh. “And we can start now!”
“Then let’s head to my room!” I said, taking her hand.
Our lovemaking was slow and passionate, and it seemed to me that we both felt we should save our energy for Tuesday, which was Stephanie’s seventeenth birthday. Afterwards, we cuddled together in my bed, and Stephanie rested her head on my chest.
“When are your housemates coming back?” she asked, twirling her finger in the fine hairs that had sprouted on my chest.
“They’ll start coming back on Saturday,” I said.
“I figured. I think Kara and I will leave after lunch on Saturday, then, if that’s OK with you.”
“Sure, Squirt. I’ve been thinking about when you come to school, and it’s really going to be tough, because there will be girls here we don’t want to tell about us. Nobody will suspect anything if we’re spending time together, but spending the night might be difficult.”
“Will Jennifer be here?” she asked.
“Yeah, most likely she and Josie are moving to Chicago when they graduate. Obviously, they’ll have a room here. Elyse will still be here, since she’s planning on getting her Master’s degree. And Sofia will be here long-term, since she wants to go to medical school in Chicago. The rest of the girls will most likely move out once they graduate.”
“Can we just worry about it when it happens? It’s over a year from now, big brother. A lot can happen. Don’t obsess about it.”
I hugged her tightly to me. Things were going to change for us again, and I wasn’t sure how. But, she was right, I shouldn’t obsess about it. It was just one more thing that we’d have to deal with. I wondered if Stephanie would decide to start dating, but that, too, was a question for the future.
We lay together in bed, cuddling and kissing occasionally, just enjoying the peace and quiet, and especially the fact that we didn’t have to worry about discovery. We made love a second time, then showered together and went to find Kara, who was sitting in the guest room reading a book.
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May 1978 The first couple of weeks in May were busy with school, work, and friends. Except for Becky, I didn’t even have any dates. But I was OK with that. Well, almost OK. I wanted to see Anna, but it likely wasn’t going to happen until school was out. I had tutoring sessions with Melanie, but she still wouldn’t talk to me about anything other than Spanish. Barely a hello. I was grateful for the tutoring, but it was maddening seeing my friend this way. I hoped someday she could understand...
March, 1982, Milford, Ohio As I drove along I-65, I thought about what Stephanie had asked for and what Bethany had said without even knowing about the request. Of course, because Bethany and I were so in tune, she might have actually had an idea that I was struggling with getting involved with my sister again. I kept turning it over and over in my mind and I kept coming to the same conclusion — that I shouldn’t do it. I was torn between doing what Stephanie wanted and doing what Kara and...
September 7, 1992, Chicago, Illinois “That went reasonably well,” Michelle said when her parents drove off. “There were a few times I thought my expression would give away something I shouldn’t. You were messing with me, weren’t you?” She grabbed both my hands and smiled, “I was telling the truth, in my own way. Thank you!” She leaned forward and kissed my cheek. “So, what’s left?” I asked. “To visit UofC tomorrow and formally withdraw from classes. To spend some time with you and your...
October 1981, Chicago, Illinois I arrived back at the apartment just before 10:00pm and saw the address for the party. I decided I wasn’t particularly interested in going so I put on some music, poured myself a glass of wine, and started reading more about Russia. I was alternating between the history and culture book and the Communist Party book, decided on the history and culture book for this time. I didn’t get much reading done because I was thinking about Tatyana, which led me to...
January 23, 1996, Chicago, Illinois “Father, bless!” I said, greeting Father Basil with upturned palms. “Bless you, Stephen,” he said as I kissed his hand. The waiter showed us to a quiet table along the wall of Roditys in Greektown. He took our drink orders and was back quickly. We placed our food orders right away and he left to put them in with the kitchen. “I’m not quite sure how to address this, so I’m just going to ask you bluntly. Are you the father of Michelle’s baby?” I shook my...
June 29, 1995, Chicago, Illinois On Thursday, I finally had lunch with Melissa again, something I hadn’t been looking forward to. Much like with Cèlia, Melissa and I had passed an inflection point and I was left with sub-optimal paths forward. I’d been struggling with the possible solutions, and all of them had pitfalls. When I walked into Takumi, I had something of a plan. Whether it was good or not would only be known once everything played out. “I spoke to my wives,” I said after we’d...
December 5, 2000, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota “I had a good time last night,” I said. “I was surprised you invited a friend!” Mary laughed as we walked into the exam room, “Naomi had a good time as well. You know what a Resident’s life is like.” I nodded, “No social life.” “Exactly. You guys seemed to hit it off pretty well.” “Yes, but I’m not here for that!” “You’re everywhere for that, and you know it!” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Let’s just say that you hit the sweet spot -...
Halloween is a silly holiday. People dress up in silly outfits and beg for candy. We live in a spread-out neighborhood that is part up-scale homes and part farm homes. Any trick or treating to be done had to be done using transportation. Several of our neighbors had a golf cart that they used to haul garden stuff around their property, they didn’t make golf carts big enough for the Herd, so we used the 16-passenger van we had decided to buy, and we drove the Herd from house to house in...
March 1980, Hovås/Göteborg, Sweden I woke early as usual, but just enjoyed being in bed with Katt. When she woke, she hopped out of bed and pulled a robe out of her closet and handed it to me. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Go have your shower, then we’ll have breakfast after I have my shower.” I quickly showered and brushed my teeth, and went back to Katt’s room. She went to shower and came back a few minutes later. She dressed, and I got a very good look at her sexy body...
April 5, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “You missed cuddles this morning!” Birgit said accusingly when I walked into the house about 9:30am. “I know, Pumpkin, but I had a work emergency and had to go see Aunt Joyce and Grandpa A.” “And now we have to get ready for karate!” “I know. We’ll have some family time this afternoon. I don’t have any plans.” “Good!” I hugged her and the rest of the kids, then went to find Kara. We hugged and kissed, and went straight upstairs to get ready for...
September 3, 1989, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” I said, bowing to Sensei Jim. “Good morning!” he said waving me to a chair in his office. “How was your trip?” I asked. “Enlightening. I spent most of my time acting as a manservant to Sensei Robert and Sensei Hiro.” “He who will lead, must first serve,” I said. “Someday, I’m going to send you to Sensei Hiro, should he live long enough. You understand.” “Does that mean you are now 6th Dan?” I...
You know, when you read "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde" with a modern understanding of science, as a person who understands chemistry, biology, and psychology, the rational part of your mind will tell you it's not possible. That it makes for a fun story, but you could not drink a potion and transform either physically or mentally like the title character of that book. You can't change yourself like that. But the irrational part, oh it wishes you could. It looks at...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I walked in the near 90°F heat to Carla’s place. I was grateful that the humidity of the morning had dropped significantly; otherwise the heat would have been unbearable. By the time I walked up the steps to the apartment over the photography studio and knocked on her door, I had broken into a light sweat. Carla answered almost immediately and invited me inside her studio apartment. The air was moderately cool, and the window air conditioner was running full...
July 1982, Milford, Ohio On Tuesday morning, I kissed Kara goodbye and headed to my parents’ house for my usual morning routine with my little sister. She was happy that I could spend the morning with her and asked to take a walk, so we weren’t in the house with my mom. “Let me guess — this walk will end in the clearing,” I said with a smile. “Yes,” she said, taking my hand as we walked down Overlook towards Klondyke. As usual, we turned around and walked back, taking the path to the...
March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...