A Well Lived Life Book 4 BethanyChapter 62 Everything Changes
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April, 1984, Chicago, Illinois
On Saturday morning, after a night of passion which had lasted until after 3:00am, Anala and I slept in. I’d called Sensei Jim earlier in the week to let him know that I was going to stop attending for a time. He’d pressed me hard not to stop, but I simply didn’t have the time, at least until the end of the semester. I’d promised to reevaluate the situation at the end of the summer, but I knew what the conclusion would most likely be.
Because we slept late, I not only drove Anala home, but waited for her to pack her weekend bag and drove her to Union Station so that she could catch the Burlington Northern train to the west suburbs. By the time I arrived home, Penny was in my office working on her game program. She hopped up and gave me a quick kiss, then sat back down. I took out my history text and read while she programmed, answering her occasional questions.
Just after 9:00am, Jackie came into my office and I got up and left. I went to the kitchen to make myself some tea, and then went to the ‘Indian’ room to study. The extra ninety minutes every Saturday was going to be a bigger help than I’d thought. It meant a few more minutes of free time each night, which I valued, especially given how full my Tuesdays were.
Jackie came to find me about twenty minutes later. She told me that Penny was waiting to say goodbye, so I went to my office and gave Penny the French kiss that she was clearly waiting for. She smiled, winked and then I walked her to the door and watched her scamper next door. When she was safely inside, I went to my office where Jackie was waiting with a smirk on her face.
“You’re fine,” Jackie laughed. “Well, at least until your birthday. Then, you’re a dead man.”
“Oh?” I smirked.
“She’s not going to fuck you within an inch of your life. She’s going to fuck you to death. And she’s so ready she’d let you take her in the great room with everyone watching if that’s what it took.”
“So no issues?” I grinned.
“Only if you consider being wildly fucked by a horny fifteen-year-old girl an issue!” she giggled.
“Thanks, Jackie,” I said.
“What happened with Anala?”
“She agreed. With a condition that our bed is our bed and if I want to be with other girls, it has to be in another bed.”
“Sensible, but I foresee problems with some of your other girls.”
“Yes, because among other things, I said I wasn’t going to commit to anyone, though I’m not really doing that. But I also told some of them that I wasn’t going to share my bed permanently with anyone, and that’s what I’m going to do. At least for a year, anyway.”
“So what happens with Elyse and Bethany?”
“I can go to Elyse’s room. And Bethany and I can sleep in a guest room. Anala is fine with that. I can even have them sleep in our bed, but no sex there at all, except with Anala.”
“She drove a hard bargain!” Jackie smirked.
“But that is indeed what I think Bethany intended. It wouldn’t surprise me if she expected exactly what happened!”
“She’s a smart girl, Steve. She’s the one for you, I think, though I guess you’re not sure about it.”
“I’m not sure about anything at this point. But things are becoming clearer. Speaking of which, I meant to ask, how are your classes going?”
“OK. The next two months will be crazy, so other than a few hours on Sunday, I won’t have any free time. That’s why I’m glad Jamie was here last Sunday. Once he graduates and we can move in together, things will be good.”
“Speaking of being wildly fucked,” I chuckled.
“You do NOT know how badly I want to be with him!” she said.
“I can guess. Let the man graduate first, though!”
“I hardly see him, though he did tell me when he left last week that he’d be here tomorrow. I’m shocked, but I think once he asked me to live with him, he decided that he’d better make an effort.”
“I sure would!” I said.
We both went to the ‘Indian’ room to do homework and study until lunch, when I drove to Bridgeport to meet Becky. We had a nice lunch, though I avoided anything that might indicate that I wanted to restart a romantic relationship. Becky cooperated and other than a couple of innuendos that I felt were acceptable, she stayed on the straight and narrow. I did hug her and kiss her cheek when we said goodbye.
After I arrived home from lunch, I went to my office to work on my database project. I decided that I’d finish it, if possible, so that I didn’t have to worry about it after this week. By dinner time, when Elyse came to find me, I’d finished it and was testing it. I saved everything and joined Elyse in the kitchen to make dinner.
After dinner, when everyone went to the basement or up to the attic, I went to my office to call my sister. I hoped she agreed with my decision about Anala, and even more, that she understood what Jennifer had told me. I wouldn’t tell her about Jennifer’s decision to end things with her; that was for Jennifer to tell her this summer. And I was going to make sure that I was as far away as possible from wherever THAT conversation took place.
“How are things going, Squirt?” I asked when she answered the phone.
“Good. I have a date for the Prom. One of the guys from my group, Michael.”
“Jorge will be devastated,” I chuckled.
“I hope he took his cold shower. He’ll just have to wait until I’m in Chicago and then he can ask me for a date.”
“And?” I asked.
“And he can ask. We’ll see.”
“You know, you can’t toy with boys like a cat with a mouse forever, Squirt. I’ve made my share of mistakes that way, playing with girls’ emotions. It’s time for me to stop.”
“Why does that sound like something I’m not going to like?”
“Oh, that’s not the part you aren’t going to like. The solution to my recent poor relationships was simple. Bethany suggested that I do what I did Senior year with Debbie V.”
“No way! With which girl?”
“Anala. Bethany suggested that I have her move in with me.”
“There’s more to that. Explain, big brother.”
I explained the situation, including the bad experiences that I’d had with girls in the past year. I made sure that Stephanie understood that I wasn’t making any kind of commitment to Anala and that I’d cleared it with Jennifer before I did anything at all. In the end, Stephanie reluctantly agreed with Bethany. That was good, but then I had to tell her what Jennifer had told me.
“Squirt, there’s something more important and you’re going to hate it. Jennifer told me that she doesn’t want to marry me.”
“What?!” she gasped. “Because of this? You said she was OK with it? No!” she exclaimed, starting to sob.
“Stephanie,” I said gently, “it’s not because of this. It’s because she wants to be with a girl. And the girl she wants to be with wants Jennifer as her life partner. That doesn’t change anything between Jennifer and I except we won’t get married. We’ll still have kids, and she’ll be my lover. She just won’t be my wife.”
“I don’t understand!” she sobbed. “That’s not what was supposed to happen!”
“Jennifer’s a lesbian, Squirt. As much as she loves me and as much as she enjoys sex with me, I’ve got a penis, and, in the end, that’s not what she wants for her life partner. Think about it. It explains everything.”
“And you’re OK with this?” she asked, stifling a sob.
“Hell no! And I’m not resigned to it being the case. But I’m also not going to be foolish enough to think I can easily change Jennifer’s mind. I’m not even sure I should, but I’m also not willing to completely give up.”
“You’re confusing me, big brother.”
“I’m confused, too. But if you think about it, all of Jennifer’s problems stemmed from the fact that she liked girls and society said she wasn’t allowed to. The problems that Jen and I had went away once she finally accepted that what she was afraid of was true. I can’t do anything that might bring back the confusion and the problems, but I also can’t give up on the idea of marrying her.”
“But you’re going to have to, aren’t you? I can tell by the way you’re talking.”
“I don’t know. But I do have Jennifer’s promise that she wants me to be the father of her children and that she’ll be my lover for the rest of our lives. I guess I can’t complain about that.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Stephanie sighed.
“Just say that you love me, please.”
“I do. I love you more than anything. I always have and I always will. Everything is changing, isn’t it?”
“It is. I think it’s part of life. Loki seems to be a constant. But I’ll take him over Fate any day of the week. We aren’t little kids any more, Squirt. This is real life. It’s messy, and it’s hard, and sometimes it sucks. I love you and I’ll never stop loving you. No matter what.”
“I know,” she sighed. “What about us?”
“I think we both know it’s coming to an end. Naturally this time, instead of from pressure from our friends. Soon enough you’ll need to start looking for a mate. You know it and I know it. And that’s when we’ll just be brother and sister again. And that’s a good thing. I don’t regret a single thing that you and I have done, and I wouldn’t change a thing. But it does have to end.”
“I know,” she whispered. “But not yet.”
“Oh no, not yet! We’ll find a way to be together when you move to Chicago, at least for a couple of months. Sofia will go home for the summer, and Jennifer and Josie will be together. I’ll work it out with Anala. I have to tell her about us before you move here. That’s one of the things that gave me pause. But I think she’ll accept it.”
“Why does life have to be so hard?” Stephanie asked.
“I have no idea. But remember, no matter what, we’ll be together, as brother and sister. I never, ever want you out of my life.”
“Nor I you, big brother. You have my blessing, if you need it.”
“Yes, I need it. Thanks, Squirt. It’s the right thing for me to do.”
“That’s the end for Karin, isn’t it?”
“I think it has to be. It’s never really worked. We were fooling ourselves.”
“Yes, you were. So it’s Bethany, then?”
“Maybe. I guess she took over Jennifer’s inside track if nothing changes, but Sofia, Kara, and perhaps Tatyana figure into the equation. For Tatyana, something major would have to change. And then, there’s always a long shot like Penny.”
Stephanie laughed, “I doubt it. She’ll be one of the best fucks you’ve ever had, if you’re right in what you told me, but I don’t think she’s your future wife. I know who I’d put my money on, but I’m not saying just yet.”
I chuckled, “I know that. And I know that every time I make plans, something strange happens. I just hope whatever cards I’m dealt turn out to be at least a Full House.”
“Oh, you’ll have a Full House, between girls and kids, that I’m sure of!”
“Thanks, Squirt. I love you.”
“I love you too, big brother!”
When I hung up, I went to the basement to play pool and drink bourbon. I slept alone that night, which was OK, because I was preoccupied with my thoughts. In the morning, I was up before everyone except Charlie and George, who were drinking coffee in the kitchen. I offered to make them breakfast and they accepted. They were both doing well in school and I was glad that neither of them was hurt by the change I’d made in our relationship.
When I finished breakfast, I went to my office and called Karin. We had our usual chat, and I didn’t bring up the issue of Anala. That would have to wait until Karin and I were together, face to face. I dreaded that encounter, but it had to happen, and it had to be in person, not over the phone. That was about two months away, and it loomed large.
After I hung up with Karin, I called Sofia. I had to tell her about the roommate arrangements and Anala, so that if she objected to sharing with Cindi, I could move her into my office. I got the reaction I expected - grudging acceptance.
“That’s not what I hoped for, but it’ll be fine to share a room with Cindi. You’re going to need to explain this whole thing with this girl Anala to me in detail, though. It doesn’t make a lot of sense. Not to mention your promise about permanent relationships.”
“It’s not permanent. Let me see if I can explain without spending $50.00 on the call.”
I did my best to explain the situation, actually switching into English for a few sentences because I couldn’t figure out the right way to say things in Swedish. Sofia spoke excellent English, so that actually worked well. When I finished explaining, she repeated back a synopsis.
“So, if I understand correctly, this is about you having a stable life, but not making a commitment. It can’t be me sharing with you because you think we might have a future together, but you don’t have one with this girl. And you and Jennifer aren’t going to get married. Jennifer wants to have kids with you, even if you marry someone else. And you’re probably going to do that.”
“That about sums it up,” I said.
“Well, I guess it’s not the worst possible scenario, and if you and Jennifer aren’t getting married, that’s an improvement, though I can’t say I like the idea of her being some kind of permanent lover. You’re saying that I’d have to accept that if I wanted to marry you?”
“More than likely, yes. I won’t lie to you about that.”
“I don’t know that I can do that, Steve. That’s a bit much to ask, don’t you think?”
“Probably. You’ve known me for a long time now, Sofia. You’ve known how I am. It’s not really a change in that sense.”
“That’s true, but I had hoped eventually you’d settle down and you could get past your antics.”
“I know. The ball is in your court. We need to decide what happens this summer.”
“You’re planning to do the same as last time?”
“Yes, though my trip to Stockholm might be cut short. I’m pretty sure that Karin and I are through.”
“Wow. No Karin. No Jennifer. No Kara. Hmm. Tell me more about Jennifer and Josie.”
I gave her a quick description of the situation.
“Is your relationship with them negotiable?” she asked.
“Who knows? In a year, Jennifer and Josie will move here and everything will start to sort itself out. You’ll be here, instead of 5,000 kilometers away.”
“I wish this were simple!”
“Nothing is simple with me, Sofia. All I can do is tell you the truth and let you decide what you want to do. Should I plan to stay with you or should I ask either Katt’s parents or Torbjörn?”
She was quiet for a moment.
“Stay with me,” she said resolutely. “I’m not ready to give up. I want to meet Jennifer and talk to her. And if Karin or her parents kick you out, come back to Hovås. You’ll be welcome.”
“Thanks. I’ll get you the details. Do you have everything set for coming here?”
“The tickets are purchased. As soon as school is out, I’m going to ship some stuff there.”
“OK. I’m glad you’re coming, Sofia.”
“Me too!”
We said our goodbyes and hung up.
Later that morning, I walked through the great room and saw Jorge sitting at the chess table, moving pieces and seemingly playing a game against himself.
“That’s one way to be sure to win,” I chuckled.
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March 1980, Hovås/Göteborg, Sweden I woke early as usual, but just enjoyed being in bed with Katt. When she woke, she hopped out of bed and pulled a robe out of her closet and handed it to me. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Go have your shower, then we’ll have breakfast after I have my shower.” I quickly showered and brushed my teeth, and went back to Katt’s room. She went to shower and came back a few minutes later. She dressed, and I got a very good look at her sexy body...
April 5, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “You missed cuddles this morning!” Birgit said accusingly when I walked into the house about 9:30am. “I know, Pumpkin, but I had a work emergency and had to go see Aunt Joyce and Grandpa A.” “And now we have to get ready for karate!” “I know. We’ll have some family time this afternoon. I don’t have any plans.” “Good!” I hugged her and the rest of the kids, then went to find Kara. We hugged and kissed, and went straight upstairs to get ready for...
September 3, 1989, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” I said, bowing to Sensei Jim. “Good morning!” he said waving me to a chair in his office. “How was your trip?” I asked. “Enlightening. I spent most of my time acting as a manservant to Sensei Robert and Sensei Hiro.” “He who will lead, must first serve,” I said. “Someday, I’m going to send you to Sensei Hiro, should he live long enough. You understand.” “Does that mean you are now 6th Dan?” I...
October 29, 2000, Chicago, Illinois Birgit followed me as far as the stairs, then scooted upstairs when I went to the front door and opened it. “Hi!” Sophie said. “Hi!” I replied and held the door open so she could come into the house. I closed the door behind her then led her to my study where I waited until she went in, and then walked in, closing the door behind me. I nodded to one of the wingback chairs, she sat down in one, and I sat down in the other. “Is something wrong?” she...
October, 1983, Chicago, Illinois On Saturday morning when Penny arrived, I thought about what Anala had said. I watched every move and listened to every word and decided that Anala was correct in her assessment of Penny. And I realized would need to decide pretty much immediately to put a stop to it, or else I had to be prepared for what was certain to come in the future. It was a tough question in my mind. If Penny asked immediately, I’d say ‘no’. If she asked in two years, I’d probably say...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I walked in the near 90°F heat to Carla’s place. I was grateful that the humidity of the morning had dropped significantly; otherwise the heat would have been unbearable. By the time I walked up the steps to the apartment over the photography studio and knocked on her door, I had broken into a light sweat. Carla answered almost immediately and invited me inside her studio apartment. The air was moderately cool, and the window air conditioner was running full...
July 1982, Milford, Ohio On Tuesday morning, I kissed Kara goodbye and headed to my parents’ house for my usual morning routine with my little sister. She was happy that I could spend the morning with her and asked to take a walk, so we weren’t in the house with my mom. “Let me guess — this walk will end in the clearing,” I said with a smile. “Yes,” she said, taking my hand as we walked down Overlook towards Klondyke. As usual, we turned around and walked back, taking the path to the...
March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
November 8, 1993, Chicago, Illinois A dark fog swirled before my eyes as I tried to take stock. My head hurt, badly. I felt something on my face and realized, dimly, it was an oxygen mask. My right hand was uncomfortable and I recognized the feeling of an IV and pulse-oximeter. My left arm ached fiercely. On my chest I felt the pads and wires of an EKG. I didn’t feel anything else wrong as I continued taking inventory. I tried to open my eyes, but the fog didn’t clear. I tried to speak, but...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...
June 2, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “My office, please,” Sensei Jim said after class on Saturday. I followed him to his office and waited for him to bid me to sit. He did, and I sat in the usual chair across from him. “She has a real problem, you know that, right?” he asked. “I do. That’s why I insisted she start seeing a counselor.” “I run a huge risk having her here with that kind of temper and her violent acts.” I nodded, “I understand. May I ask what you intend to do?” “I really don’t...
February 21, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Sweetheart!” I said, greeting Bethany at the door. “Uncle Steve!” Nicholas exclaimed. I took him from his mom and he hugged me tightly. “Is Jesse with his moms?” Bethany asked. “Yes. They won’t bring him back over tonight so you and Nicholas can surprise him in the morning.” “Perfect!” “How was the drive up?” “The same as usual. Just a bit of traffic in Northern Indiana. Otherwise, smooth sailing. It was driving the other direction that was a...
November 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” Miyu said when Kara, the girls, and I walked into the dojo on Saturday morning. “Good morning, Miyu.” “Do you have a moment, please?” I nodded and we went to the small practice room for privacy, as Sensei Jim had a family in his office. “What can I do for you?” “I need you to meet a young man,” she said. “I think you might be taking this ‘not do anything without permission’ a bit too far!” Miyu shook her head, “No, I’m not....
May 1979 The limo dropped me at home about 9:00pm. I took my stuff to my room, stripped, and hung up the tux. The rest of the things went into the hamper. I took a shower, put on shorts and a t-shirt, and walked down the hall into my dad’s office. I saw no reason to put this off any longer. “Stephen, you need to explain yourself!” my mom demanded. “I was in Mrs. McGrath’s, well, Mrs. Sanders’ now, wedding, as I said.” “You walked her down the aisle! You’re sixteen and not even related to...
November 3, 1990, Chicago, Illinois “I still don’t understand why you told everyone to leave Katy alone last night,” Elyse said on Saturday morning. “Because we weren’t going to talk her out of it. I could tell by the way she told us. I hoped letting her sleep on it would allow her to hear what we had to say. Obviously I was wrong.” “I was surprised that she wouldn’t talk to Jennifer at all,” Kara said. “I thought Jennifer would be the one to get her to listen to reason this morning.” I...
February, 1983, Chicago, Illinois Our first joining since the previous summer was slow and sweet, trying to express our deep love for each other through the motions of our bodies. When we finished, Karin held me tight and refused to let me move off of her. “Sleep there, please,” she whispered. I kissed her once more then adjusted my pillow so that I could rest my head next to hers. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but it was what Karin wanted. The feel of her firm body under mine,...
July 3, 1996, Chicago, Illinois I blinked several times and took a breath before responding. It didn’t help. The best I could do was contain my visceral reaction at her completely out-of-line request and her wrong-headed assumptions when she had NO idea what had happened in my life the previous eight months. “What makes you think you can make that request after refusing to talk to me for nearly eight months? And equally importantly, without explaining Alexi? And without giving me the first...