Cents and NickelChapter 7
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February 2, 1989, Chicago, Illinois
“Father, bless!” I said, greeting Father Basil at our usual diner in Bridgeport.
“The Lord bless you, Stephen,” he said, making the sign of the cross over my upturned palms.
I kissed the back of his hand and then we sat down in a booth.
“I haven’t seen you for some time. I talked to Andrei but he said he doesn’t see you, and Tasha hasn’t been to church since last summer.”
“A lot has happened since the last time I was at Saint Innocent of Moscow,” I said.
“I’m guessing that’s what you want to talk about.”
“Yes, but it might take more than an hour. Do you have the time?”
“Yes, of course.”
I began with the paternity suit and worked my way forward, stopping briefly so we could order. I’d come to the events of Thanksgiving when our food arrived, and after a brief prayer, I continued. Father Basil let me talk, asking only a couple of questions, until I brought the story forward to the present time. I left out all the sex, because that wasn’t particularly germane to the story, and would only have caused a needless discussion about purity that would do nothing to further my quest.
“Well,” he said, “that is a lot to take in. Would you say that you and Jessica have reconciled?”
“No. I’d say we agreed to reconcile. There’s a whole lot of talking and counseling that has to happen to put us back on an even keel.”
He nodded, “I would agree. If we leave aside the whole triple marriage issue for a moment, and deal only with your legal marriage, I’d say that you’ve done the best you were able, given the circumstances. Just to be clear, this other young woman, with the little girl, she’s not part of your life at all?”
“No. I was with her once, and once only. She dumped me because she didn’t want to fall in love with me. Supposedly, the baby was the result of that single coupling, but the DNA test says otherwise.”
“But you were prepared to take responsibility for this child if the test came back showing you were the father?”
“Yes, of course. We’ve discussed my position on abortion.”
“I’d be happy if all Orthodox Christians held your view, despite it not being the view of the Church. We have too many people who believe that it is a convenience which they are able to avail themselves of, despite the clear teachings. But, I’m getting off track. Jessica, because of this child, was threatening to abort your baby? Or actually, attempted to but was thwarted by bad health?”
“That’s right.”
“Well, praise God that didn’t happen. I can’t see where you did anything wrong up to Thanksgiving, at least through your lenses. I do detect that you aren’t telling me everything, though.”
I smiled, “And how do you detect that?”
“Years of listening to confessions. I can usually tell when someone is leaving out important information. It’s a bit easier for Orthodox priests as we do confessions face-to-face. Most Roman Catholics still use the confessionals or a screen, though it’s slowly changing.”
“Let’s agree that I’ve told you everything relevant to my relationship with Jessica. The other stuff would be my issues to deal with, or yours, I suppose, were this actually confession.”
“So you worked yourself into a manic state while being depressed. Is that a safe characterization?”
I nodded, “I hadn’t thought it that way, but yes, I’d say that’s reasonably accurate.”
“But you’ve more or less reverted to normal?”
“After a beating by my closest friends,” I said with a smile.
“I’m curious, how do you decide what’s right and wrong?”
“For myself? I do the least harm possible. For others, I more or less mind my own business and let them decide what they want to do.”
“So, from your perspective, then, sex outside of marriage causes no harm?”
“Not in and of itself.”
“I suppose that view doesn’t surprise me given your relationships with Jessica, Kara, and the mothers of your boys.”
“I had a discussion on this topic with the parish priest at my mom’s church when I was fourteen. I suspect you won’t make any more progress than he did in convincing me that the Scriptures or the Church are the final word on that kind of thing. He then refused me communion and I gave up on church at that point.
“Now, their views and yours are quite different on this matter, both at their root and their implementation. I think it’s a good thing that the Orthodox Church ordains married men. Granted, your bishops are selected only from celibate priests and monks, but most parish priests are married. That priest back home was required to be celibate while you’re married and have two pre-teen sons.”
“Was fourteen when you became sexually active?” Father Basil asked.
“Yes.”
“Which was a source of the conflict with your mom that we’ve discussed at length.”
“One of many, but probably the biggest one, yes.”
“You seem to believe that there’s no harm in pre- and extra-marital sex, but I’d say the paternity suit was a pretty bad result, wouldn’t you?”
I nodded, “Yes.”
“And you’d admit that you can’t always know what the harm will be or when it will occur?”
“Sure.”
“So, would you consider having had intimate relations with that young woman as having done the least harm?”
“Probably not, but there was no way to know the long-term effects.”
“But had you not done it, all these crazy events wouldn’t have occurred.”
“Those specific events probably would not have occurred. But you can’t live your life completely paralyzed by potential negative outcomes from your actions! If you start thinking that way, you won’t get out of bed in the morning!”
“That’s true, but don’t you think there’s a difference between getting up, driving to work, and so on, and having sex with a girl?”
“Sure,” I chuckled. “But I’m not sure you want to hear my answer.”
“I will certainly agree that sex is pleasurable, and fulfilling, in the right context, but hedonism is problematic.”
“And why is that? Maximizing net pleasure is hardly a vice,” I said. “Should we seek to suffer?”
“No, but is pleasure the ONLY value?”
“No, of course not. But I fear on this topic we’re going to simply keep charging down different rabbit trails and wind up nowhere. We can discuss spiritual matters in depth and probably come to some agreement. We can probably discuss any other moral issue you like, but sexuality and sexual activity will just tie us in knots.”
“That’s probably true,” Father Basil said. “But will you admit that many of your issues stem from your sexual relationships?”
He did have a point. The conflicts with my mom were certainly more about sex than anything else. Then there were the problems with Becky; my entire relationship with Jennifer; Melanie’s suicide attempt; the conflict with Kara’s dad, Kara’s and my threesome with Joyce; the misunderstandings with Dona B; the whole current issue of Carla and her daughter, Rachel; the rift between Prudence and Patience; the problems between Stephanie’s friends; the near-miss disaster with Hope; and the issue with Kaitlin. And I was probably forgetting quite a bit.
I nodded, “Yes, I suppose I would.”
“So perhaps there’s some wisdom in the teaching of the Scriptures and the Church?”
I smiled, “Perhaps.”
“So can we go back to my original question about how you decide what is right and wrong?”
“Sure. I choose the course of action, or the belief, that does the minimal amount of harm, interferes the least in other people’s lives, respects their rights, and provides them with the maximum freedom. I strive to be happy and make others happy. I suppose a shortcut is to say that I try to love everyone as I am loved, and follow the rule of doing unto others as I would have them do unto me.”
“That is the basic essence of how to behave as a Christian. But it is not the basic essence of Christianity.”
“Mystical union with God, through the god-man, Jesus Christ.”
Father Basil smiled broadly, “And what are we saved from?”
“Death. Christ is risen from the dead, trampling down death by death, and upon those in the tombs, bestowing life.”
“Steve, if you believe THAT, you’re Orthodox. Your behavior may not be, but your thinking is.”
“If I were to believe in any god, affirmatively, that’s what I would believe. The Orthodox worldview matches in so many ways what I’ve discovered during my quest. I’m not sure I buy 100% of the theology across the board, but the view of who man is, and what his place in this word is, fits with what I see.”
“Of course it does! Orthodoxy believes in revealed truth that is discoverable. We believe what has been taught always, everywhere, by all.”
I smirked, “Which is why there were seven Ecumenical Councils?”
“It’s perspective. The councils were called to correct error, not express new theology. So yes, they made statements, but those statements reflected the teachings that the assembled bishops taught in their own churches.”
“I’m not quite sure I buy that, given at one point most of the world had gone Arian.”
“But you see, that was not what was taught always, everywhere, by all. It was new. What the Ecumenical Council proclaimed against Arius was that he had invented something. Something they rejected. There is nothing wrong with our understanding evolving over time, but Arianism is incompatible with historical Christianity.”
“Is it true that Santa Claus slapped Arius at the Council?” I said with a smirk.
Father Basil chuckled, “It is reported that Saint Nicholas of Myra, which was in Lycia, did indeed slap Arius for proclaiming heresy.”
“So I’m guessing Arius is on the ‘naughty’ list for eternity?”
“An anathema against his teachings is a pretty good indication of that. Whether or not he is in hell is between him and God. We are willing to state, unequivocally, that saints are in heaven. The occupancy of hell is unknown. That said, it is probably reasonable to assume that Judas and Arius are in hell, based on some of the hymns of the church during Lent and Holy Week. But I would never unequivocally say so. You could always ask the Bishop for an ‘official’ answer.”
“Which, from my interactions with His Grace, would be even more equivocal than yours on this topic.”
“Likely so. With great power, comes great responsibility.”
“Spiderman?” I chuckled.
“No, Winston Churchill, though the source is really the Scriptures - Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required.”
“Luke 12:48,” I said.
“How do you do that?” Father Basil chuckled.
“I’ve read the Bible quite a bit, and still do from time to time. But memorable phrases like that stick in my mind. I used to do stuff like that with Kara’s dad before he died. He took it as a sign I could be brought into their evangelical, fundamentalist fold. He was sorely mistaken.”
“I’ll say! As far away as you might be from becoming Orthodox, there is no chance you would ever accept such a destructive theology as an explanation for the universe.”
“No, I certainly wouldn’t.”
“Come to church again, Steve. Bishop ALYPY will be visiting in a few weeks, on the 19th. I’m sure he will be happy to see you.”
“And my two wives? And my children?”
“Just be circumspect. You won’t be the first person in our church to have children out of wedlock, though your situation is a bit more, well, extreme. Do me a favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Try to get Tasha to come to church.”
“All I can do is let her know you asked about her. She has to make her own way and her own choices.”
“Don’t we all,” he said. “Don’t we all.”
February 3, 1989, Chicago, Illinois
Kimmy was in the office early on Friday morning because her friend was coming to interview with me for the receptionist position. She came to the door of my office about ten minutes after I’d arrived.
“I see some time blocked on your calendar this afternoon as out of the office that wasn’t there yesterday.”
“I need to go over to UofC for something personal. It’s no big deal.”
“OK. Usually you don’t write things in yourself.”
“I only got confirmation last night. I wrote it in about five minutes ago so I wouldn’t forget to tell you.”
“Is everything OK for tomorrow?”
I’d talked to Kara, and had also called Chris Gibson to let her know that I wasn’t able to visit her over the weekend. Chris had been disappointed, though she told me that she hoped things might change, and if they did, I should let her know. Kara had simply smiled and told me to have fun. I was fairly sure that Kara agreed with me that Jessica would put an end to my time with Kimmy, and as such, she was giving Kimmy a final Saturday with me, Elyse’s advice to the contrary notwithstanding.
“Yes. I can stay as late as you want me to.”
She flashed me a huge smile and her eyes twinkled, “Great!”
“Just bring Keri in when she arrives,” I said.
“I will! I’ll bring in some coffee in five minutes.”
She did that, and about ten minutes later she brought in a cute brunette with a pageboy haircut and a winning smile.
“Steve, this is Keri Smalling. Keri, this is my boss, Steve Adams, the owner of NIKA Consulting.”
“Hi, Mr. Adams!” she said in a voice that was soft and sexy, but also bubbly.
“If you call me that again, I’ll have Kimmy show you out!” I chuckled. “Everyone calls me Steve. There IS a Mr. Adams, but that’s my dad, and he sits on our board of directors.”
She smiled even more broadly, “OK, Steve!”
Kimmy, who was standing behind Keri, winked at me, then shut the door and went back to the reception area.
“Coffee?” I asked.
She nodded and I poured cups for both of us. At her request, I added a teaspoon of sugar and a dollop of cream to her cup and handed it to her. I waved towards the couch and she sat down, while I sat in one of the comfortable chairs just to the side.
“Why do you want to work here?” I asked.
She smiled, “Kimmy told me to be direct! First of all, it pays better. Second, there’s room for advancement. Third, everyone is treated very well here. Fourth, you are the best boss who ever existed!”
I chuckled, “We do value people being direct here. This will be quite different from being a clerk in a bookstore, don’t you think?”
“Well of course it will! But if you think about it, I greet customers, answer the phone, take messages, get information, look things up in the computer, answer questions, and I do anything else that anyone needs.”
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October 1981, Chicago, Illinois I arrived back at the apartment just before 10:00pm and saw the address for the party. I decided I wasn’t particularly interested in going so I put on some music, poured myself a glass of wine, and started reading more about Russia. I was alternating between the history and culture book and the Communist Party book, decided on the history and culture book for this time. I didn’t get much reading done because I was thinking about Tatyana, which led me to...
January 23, 1996, Chicago, Illinois “Father, bless!” I said, greeting Father Basil with upturned palms. “Bless you, Stephen,” he said as I kissed his hand. The waiter showed us to a quiet table along the wall of Roditys in Greektown. He took our drink orders and was back quickly. We placed our food orders right away and he left to put them in with the kitchen. “I’m not quite sure how to address this, so I’m just going to ask you bluntly. Are you the father of Michelle’s baby?” I shook my...
June 29, 1995, Chicago, Illinois On Thursday, I finally had lunch with Melissa again, something I hadn’t been looking forward to. Much like with Cèlia, Melissa and I had passed an inflection point and I was left with sub-optimal paths forward. I’d been struggling with the possible solutions, and all of them had pitfalls. When I walked into Takumi, I had something of a plan. Whether it was good or not would only be known once everything played out. “I spoke to my wives,” I said after we’d...
December 5, 2000, Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minnesota “I had a good time last night,” I said. “I was surprised you invited a friend!” Mary laughed as we walked into the exam room, “Naomi had a good time as well. You know what a Resident’s life is like.” I nodded, “No social life.” “Exactly. You guys seemed to hit it off pretty well.” “Yes, but I’m not here for that!” “You’re everywhere for that, and you know it!” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Let’s just say that you hit the sweet spot -...
March 1980, Hovås/Göteborg, Sweden I woke early as usual, but just enjoyed being in bed with Katt. When she woke, she hopped out of bed and pulled a robe out of her closet and handed it to me. “There’s a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Go have your shower, then we’ll have breakfast after I have my shower.” I quickly showered and brushed my teeth, and went back to Katt’s room. She went to shower and came back a few minutes later. She dressed, and I got a very good look at her sexy body...
April 5, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “You missed cuddles this morning!” Birgit said accusingly when I walked into the house about 9:30am. “I know, Pumpkin, but I had a work emergency and had to go see Aunt Joyce and Grandpa A.” “And now we have to get ready for karate!” “I know. We’ll have some family time this afternoon. I don’t have any plans.” “Good!” I hugged her and the rest of the kids, then went to find Kara. We hugged and kissed, and went straight upstairs to get ready for...
September 3, 1989, Chicago, Illinois “Good morning, Sensei,” I said, bowing to Sensei Jim. “Good morning!” he said waving me to a chair in his office. “How was your trip?” I asked. “Enlightening. I spent most of my time acting as a manservant to Sensei Robert and Sensei Hiro.” “He who will lead, must first serve,” I said. “Someday, I’m going to send you to Sensei Hiro, should he live long enough. You understand.” “Does that mean you are now 6th Dan?” I...
October 29, 2000, Chicago, Illinois Birgit followed me as far as the stairs, then scooted upstairs when I went to the front door and opened it. “Hi!” Sophie said. “Hi!” I replied and held the door open so she could come into the house. I closed the door behind her then led her to my study where I waited until she went in, and then walked in, closing the door behind me. I nodded to one of the wingback chairs, she sat down in one, and I sat down in the other. “Is something wrong?” she...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois I walked in the near 90°F heat to Carla’s place. I was grateful that the humidity of the morning had dropped significantly; otherwise the heat would have been unbearable. By the time I walked up the steps to the apartment over the photography studio and knocked on her door, I had broken into a light sweat. Carla answered almost immediately and invited me inside her studio apartment. The air was moderately cool, and the window air conditioner was running full...
July 1982, Milford, Ohio On Tuesday morning, I kissed Kara goodbye and headed to my parents’ house for my usual morning routine with my little sister. She was happy that I could spend the morning with her and asked to take a walk, so we weren’t in the house with my mom. “Let me guess — this walk will end in the clearing,” I said with a smile. “Yes,” she said, taking my hand as we walked down Overlook towards Klondyke. As usual, we turned around and walked back, taking the path to the...
March 13, 1994, Chicago, Illinois “Hi, Steve!” Ailea said when she opened the door. “Hi,” I replied, accepting the offered hug. There was no touching of lips, just of cheeks, and I wondered if I’d misread her intentions at her birthday lunch, or if, perhaps, she detected my reluctance to return the offered affection. “Lunch is ready, so go ahead and sit. I’ll bring it in from the kitchen.” I went to the low table, sat down, and a minute later, Ailea brought miso soup and sushi, our usual...
April 3, 1997, Dallas, Texas “Remember what I said about drinking too much,” I said, as I poured bourbon into three cups. We’d stopped at a liquor store, bought a bottle of Blanton’s, and then returned to the small suite I’d reserved at the Westin. Deborah’s room was down the hall, and Krissy’s was two floors below. Krissy’s comment had caught me a bit off guard, but I hadn’t reacted visibly. I didn’t know her quite well enough to know if she’d been teasing with Deborah, so I was being...
March 28, 1991, Chicago, Illinois “This day belongs to you, Kara!” I said when the three of us woke on Thursday morning. “Happy birthday!” Jessica said. “Thanks,” Kara replied happily. “I think I’d like an amazing birthday fuck from our husband, and then a nice loving shower with my wife!” Kara said. “Do we have enough time?” I asked. Jessica giggled, “I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier!” “Then let’s not waste any of it!” I said pulling Kara to me. Kara’s squeals as I plunged...
September 4, 2000, Chicago, Illinois On Monday morning I went to my study to make a surreptitious call to ensure that the surprise I’d planned for Kara was still going to happen, and after confirming that it was, Jesse, Matthew, Michael, and I began preparing for the Labor Day party by getting beer and soda into coolers, getting the grill ready, setting up tables and chairs in the backyard, and ensuring the liquor cabinets were stocked while my wives and daughters worked on food prep in the...
September 1, 1987, Chicago, Illinois “I heard that you have some kind of plan to help Ed,” I said to Connie. “There’s no plan,” she replied. “A witness who saw the shopkeeper alive after Ed left came forward.” That sounded convenient, and I wondered if the witness was real or someone that Anthony had put forward to solve the problem. Certainly, the videotape was real, because I couldn’t imagine how Anthony could have faked that, but the witness? Who knew? “So is he being released? Or is...
August 17, 1997, Chicago, Illinois We finished lunch and Marissa and the younger kids went to play, but Natalie sat with the adults to talk, with coffee, tea, or soft drinks. The Sarcus were very comfortable, but the Heaths were still struggling. But, vitally, they hadn’t left and hadn’t insisted Natalie leave the group. “Can you explain how you developed this attitude and approach?” Chris asked. I nodded, “It started when I was just a bit younger than Natalie. My mom was a total control...
July 1979 — Falkenberg, Sweden On Friday, when I got back from my run, Pam was in her bra and panties again. I whistled at her, she giggled, then finished dressing. I showered, and we went to breakfast and finished up our last day. Once class was done, we were pretty much free. On Saturday, we’d have several optional activities and then on Sunday we’d head back to our host families. After dinner on Friday, I took Pam’s hand and we walked towards the river. It was quiet and peaceful, and...
July 1980, Over the North Atlantic We reached cruising altitude, and I settled back to read my book. Pam raised the armrest between us, snuggled close to me and read as well. The cabin crew offered drinks, and I had my first Coke in a year! Meal service began about an hour and a half into the flight. After the cabin crew picked up the trays and offered drinks again, they passed once more, offering headsets for the movie. Trevor and Maria took them, but Pam and I didn’t, instead we turned on...
July 8, 1997, Chicago, Illinois “Is it really that surprising?” Leah asked. “I suppose not,” I replied. “I just didn’t read too much into the kiss on the cheek.” “I didn’t think it was a good idea to kiss you on the lips with all those people around, because I had no idea who they were or what they would think. You were VERY careful with our dance, so I kind of followed your lead.” Which showed very mature thinking on her part. Both of these girls were exactly the kind of students I...
November 8, 1993, Chicago, Illinois A dark fog swirled before my eyes as I tried to take stock. My head hurt, badly. I felt something on my face and realized, dimly, it was an oxygen mask. My right hand was uncomfortable and I recognized the feeling of an IV and pulse-oximeter. My left arm ached fiercely. On my chest I felt the pads and wires of an EKG. I didn’t feel anything else wrong as I continued taking inventory. I tried to open my eyes, but the fog didn’t clear. I tried to speak, but...
August, 1983, Chicago, Illinois In the morning Anala and I ran as we had the previous time, then showered together, carefully washing each other’s bodies in an intimate but non-sexual way. After our shower we went to the kitchen and I made breakfast and we sat down to eat. “Steve, may I make a suggestion?” she asked. “Sure.” “Broaden your circle of friends. Other than me, all of you are white, nominally Christian, 20-year-old Americans. And you don’t invite me to your Sunday...
June 23, 2000, Chicago, Illinois “Steve,” Kimmy said over the intercom, “I have a Suzanne Aavik for you.” “Thanks,” I replied. “Put her through, please.” A few seconds later, Suzanne was on the line. “Hi!” she exclaimed when I greeted her. “I’m in Chicago for three weeks. Can I still run away and join the circus?” I chuckled, “You might want to find out what the circus is actually like before you join! If you’re free, you’re welcome to come to the house tomorrow or Sunday and meet the...
March 1979 Monday was back to the normal routine of school. Debbie Courtney, who lived across the street and had turned fourteen the last week in February, started flirting more with me on the bus each day. Debbie Vaughn, who lived just down the street, would turn fourteen on March 16th and invited me to her birthday party. And Donna Woody, who lived just down the street in the other direction, would turn fourteen on March 20th. She had made it clear what she wanted for her birthday, and in...