The Knight and the Acolyte Book 8 Chapter 8 Impaled by the Minotaur
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101 Reasons Not To Become A GynocologistChapter 2 free porn video
I. Safe Sex.
Unlike my first story where I was explaining my job in this first chapter, I am going to take the time to briefly give you a disclaimer on safe sex.
Safe sex for all intensive purposes is a term us Doctors use in respect to your health and safety. Does everyone listen to us? No ... and that is your choice, but as physicians we are doing our job by warning you.
Condoms, Contraceptives, Being Monogamous (in relationships and out of relationships) and just using toys/ items that were made strictly for sexual usage are some of the ways you can practice safe sex.
Wearing a condom not only is 98% effective in preventing pregnancy, it also keeps both partners from spreading possible disease. Does everyone use them? No. Are there brands, shapes, sizes, textures, colors and flavors to suit almost everyone's taste? YES! But there again, this is only advice, not law. Everyone has to die of something, and if you would like a sexual disease to be your cause, feel free to ignore Doctors Advice.
Contraceptives are another way to prevent pregnancy. Now days in the year 2010, there are over the counter contraceptives just as there are Physician Prescribed contraceptives. I solely believe that contraceptives should be more readily used because of all of the people that are getting pregnant and adopting out kids, and having abortions, and so on and so forth ... but I'm not in State Government, I am just a MD, OBGYN.
Being Monogamous. BEING MONOGAMOUS is the Number One Way to practice Safe Sex. THERE you know if that one person has any diseases, or defects coming into the relationship and you know that no more should enter the equation because the person isn't cheating on you ... BUT in this day and age, Monogamy seems like a foreign word. Everyone likes to cheat. Why I don't know, but as I said, this is from my personal beliefs, the best way to practice safe sex.
And Last, but Certainly Not Least ... Using Things That Were Specifically Manufactured for Sexual Purposes! Using things like household products that are not supposed to be inserted in certain places is the Number One Reason I have returning patients, and I am losing my Patience with these types of Patients! (And both words are used correctly!) ... And that leads me into Chapter 2!
II. Household Objects.
AT ONE POINT in almost everyone's life, something utterly stupid happens. True Story. London, England; A girl happens to be drying off from a shower when her telephone rings. In her bed, where said telephone is, there also is a bottle of ladies spray-on aerosol perfume. Said bottle is about an inch to an inch and a half in diameter, and about five to seven inches tall, and this bottle is standing on the bed. Said girl happens to run into the bedroom, jump onto the bed, and gets the bottle cap lodged five to seven inches up her pretty pink puss box, and now has to come see me in the hospital because she just so happened to land on it. Hmmm ... As Ripley's says it, 'Believe it or Not!'
(see efukt.com, "Stories of Sexual Fail")
Then there is the not so popular Light Bulb! (This trick is not to be tried by anyone who body builds!)
I happened to personally go through this endeavor. I was in my office doing some paperwork at the end of a business day when my personal assistant, Aaliyah came rushing into my office hysterical telling me of a patient who had gotten a 40 watt light bulb stuck in her vagina. She liked the feel of it, and upon orgasm, the muscles in her side wall contracted and caused suction and took the bulb almost all of the way into her. Forceps and patience took care of this problem. Elapsed time stuck: 45 minutes. And lets not forget my wonderful friend who tried the same thing with a fluorescent light bulb. If I weren't just a MD, I would have had her committed right along with the first girl. What's wrong with people?
A baseball bat was another of my favorite ones ... A couple decided they would get frisky after a baseball game, and use the narrow end of a baseball bat as a dildo. The problem in this situation was, in having their little bout of fun, Mr. Genius damaged Miss Genius' ovaries and the twins that they had been dying to have will never grace the face of this earth. Poor babies ... mom and dad weren't too smart. ANYWAYS ... I'll stop being gruesome.
III. The All Popular Food Products.
Ahhh, what the people want to read! From chocolate syrup, to caramel syrup, to whip cream, to sushi and even eating entire buffets off of naked people ... Then there is eating things out of orifices. Like the peaches (you remember my first story... ) and the strawberries, yeah, some dumb broad must have read my first story and tried the inevitable! And as true as the nose on my face, got the bastards stuck inside of her, and I ONCE AGAIN, had to use forceps to get it out!
But there are also the really smart people in life ... Ever heard of Champagne Douches, disappearing limes, (yeah, elapsed time on the operating table with various tools: 1.5 hours!) milk douches, banana splits, (with or with out the ice cream) and various other types of fun foods that people use to get off with? (the fresh veggies being the most popular, with carrots, celery, and Cucumbers ranking at the top!)
What's the world coming to? I could in one sentence tell you all of the reasons why NOT to use these things, but you don't want to hear that. You want to hear what you can go home with your ingenious mate and try right after reading my story, aren't you? (Shake your head... ) Well, you don't need my story to tell you any of this, just check out the internet, and the ideas will come flowing in!
Take Elizabeth for example. Elizabeth was a 20 year old college student who happened to get drunk and get initiated into her Sorority House, Eat Mi Pi, where all of the girls considered themselves LUG. (Lesbian Until Graduation)
So to make a long story, a night of naked twister, beer pong, and shots of Three Olives Cherry Vodka landed Little Mizz Lizz in my office bright and early on a Monday morning with a pussy still partially loaded with Montmorency tart cherries. How they got there totally eluded her!
From what I gather, the girls were filling each other's Pi's with cherries in contest to see how many each girl could fit as initiation. In being upside down, all of the alcohol that Liz had consumed made her dizzy, and rendered her unconscious after she stood on her head for a minute thirty seconds. SO ... as the REAL FRIENDS they are, the girls took Liz and her Cherry Pie to bed and left the cherries inside of her as not to wake her, and now I got my chance to stick my hand into a real live cherry pie!
... You know what happens here, and you know how elated I am...
In all fairness, I think I am done with my part of this story. I have given you my reasons, for the second time, to keep as far away from this profession as you can, and now I think its Kelly's turn. Until next time, (and there will be a follow up visit to this Doctor's Appointment... ) Keep all of your sexual escapades safe and clean.
_A.N.H. - OBGYN.md
... Now without further ado, I introduce again,
Obstetrician, Dr. Marquise M. Kelly, MD.
Dr. M.M. Kelly.
Well since our last go round, Dr. Abby has had her share of unintelligent people grace our practice, and that's why she might have seemed a little less happy to participate in this story as she was the last, but then again, WE ARE telling you WHY NOT to become a Gyno ... Not the joyful, enjoyable, fun, exciting reasons why you should become one!
BUT, in all fairness, at least the first part of my addition to our story is interesting. Well, the main info isn't, but we are Doctors. We have to advise you on why certain things may happen, and then we tell you about the not-so-smart people that we have run into along the way as to why we are writing!
Body Parts, ENLARGED body parts, and Personal Hygiene ... Where to start? Eenie, meanie, minie, mo! Personal Hygiene it is!
Sit back and finish enjoying the story...
IV. Personal Hygiene.
Being a woman is MUCH different than being a man when it comes to personal hygiene. Both men and women should practice good hygiene by washing daily with soap and water, (wow, I feel like I am talking to my kids) and we should stay fresh with lotions, deodorants, and perfumes.
Now, with that, it's ok for a man to use most soaps on his penis and anus and the rest of his body ... where with a female, that's not always true. Certain soaps will irritate the inner walls of the vagina, and certain perfumes, lotions, and even shaving creams aren't meant for use around the vagina for many reasons. For instance, using certain soaps, perfume, etc can cause irritations such as odor and discharge. (And if you don't mind, we'll stop and dwell on this subject for a moment... )
Every woman experiences few traces of vaginal discharge produced by the glands in cervix and vagina. This discharge keeps the vaginal area lubricated, clean and infection free. The amount and consistency of the discharge differs according the stages of menstrual cycle. If the vaginal fluid appears clear or milky, if it is thin and stringy and without any foul odor, then it can be considered as a normal discharge. If the vaginal discharge suddenly varies in odor, quantity, color or consistency, it is supposed to be an abnormal discharge and it is time for you to come and visit ME. (www.home-remidies-for-you.com)
But there are also UPSIDES to Odor!
I know you are thinking Dr. Kelly has lost his mind, aren't you? Well I haven't. Just like men, when women are aroused, they give off a particular smell. Some women are particularly pungent, and others more mild, but in either case, it's always a good thing to know that a woman is aroused!
Miracle
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