Adventures of Me and Martha JaneChapter 10C
- 3 years ago
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Thursday morning her alarm beeped away and she shut it off roughly and flopped onto me naked, her arms sleepy and hot and her lips on my neck.
After a couple of minutes I said, "You have to go to work."
She groaned. She hugged me. She lay still.
I kissed her shoulder. "Hey."
She sighed and raised her head and looked at me, her eyes thinking, thinking, and she swept her hair back on both sides. Then her eyes looked at mine and she whispered, "All right."
I started the coffee. I had a long jog in Central Park. When I returned she was in the bedroom, dressed, finishing her makeup. I gave her a kiss and whispered, "That was good last night."
She blushed, and screwed on an earring.
I stroked her shoulders. I said, "There's nobody like you."
She hugged one of my hands to her face. She stood up, fastening her other earring, smiling dryly. "Now, listen. I'm not going to be able to work all day."
"Bring it home. Work here."
"I can't." She started for the living room. "And you know what would happen if I could."
"What?"
She stood at the dining table drinking her coffee.
I leaned in the doorway and teased her, "What would happen?"
She gave me a sweet, brief grin, and she sipped again and she took a quick bite of toast. She asked as she chewed quickly, "What are you going to do with yourself today?"
"Learn."
She took another bite of toast. "You've already done some of that."
"Learn more."
She breathed a little laugh and swallowed fast and took another sip of coffee. "I have to go." She hurried to the door and reached for her briefcase and I walked to her and gave her a little kiss. She looked at me, one hand on my cheek, and she started to say something, but she made a little smooch with her lips and opened the door.
I said, "You were gonna say something."
"It can wait." She left.
All day, I was back to searching, learning. But now I was open to whatever I found. I had five days left to scour every idea in New York. Adolescent development textbooks fed more clues into me. I hooked into the incest thread again, finding little on it in the books of 1957, but finding enough to give me more insight into my feelings about Martha. And about Ronnie.
At noon I was waiting for Ronnie when she unboarded the elevator in her building and walked to me. She craned her head to give me a kiss, but I pulled her to me gently and kissed her neck. I had one arm around her waist and the other stroking her hair.
She whispered, "Hey. What's this?"
"Just a brotherly hug."
She laughed. "Not exactly."
I said, "Well, you gave me a hug. Remember?"
"Honey, not like this." She relaxed against me. People in a hurry scurried all around us.
I said, "Well, think of it as a hug for my dear Aunt Veronica."
She breathed a laugh against me again and pulled her face back. She wore a dry little smirk. "Yeah? Auntie? That has to wait for the weekend."
"Okay."
"You sure?"
I shrugged. "Will it hurt?"
"No. But, mister, are you gonna blush!"
On our way down the street she announced, "Today you get a treat. We're going to do a great, cheap New York City thing and go to an automat. Ever been to one?"
"I've seen them around."
"Oh, they're great. Even better than real food."
Ronnie led me through the details of finding and buying food from the wall of mechanized food bins in an automat on Sixth Avenue. I sat at the table with her, taking a taste from my tray of what Ronnie called "pre-fab food".
I winced. "Ronnie, do people actually live on this stuff?"
"For brief periods. But this is the romance of New York, Steven. the ambiance. This is where Marlon Brando and so many movie stars stayed alive while they struggled for stardom. Doesn't it get your blood up and make you ready to charge right into it? Doesn't it make you want to spend the rest of your life in New York, living just like this? Where else can you get rice pudding that you can also use to fill potholes?"
"Okay, I get your point."
"Just giving you a little preview, sweetheart." She sprinkled salt and pepper on her pre-fab cheeseburger. "So what earth shaking discoveries have you made today?"
I finished chewing and swallowed. "Well, it's very interesting, the role that narcissism plays in these mother-son relationships."
Ronnie put her hands over her eyes. "Oh, Steven. God. When will this stop?" She frowned. "Don't they have anything out about nephews and aunts?"
Shortly after I arrived home to fix up a dinner for Martha, she called me from work. She'd been invited to a retirement dinner being held for someone in her department, and decided we should go. I was to meet her at the subway ticket window at the Columbus Circle subway station. "And dress nice," she said, "you need a coat and tie to get into the place."
Ah, New York. Nothing like last-minute, crisis-level planning. Columbus Circle was on the other side of town, and I was short on taxi money. I hadn't yet showered or shaved -- not that I had that much of a beard in those days, but I did have one. I showered quickly, cursing the distance between the shower stall and the bathroom, and rushed into the bathroom to shave. In my rush I managed to inflict a quarter inch razor cut on my chin that refused to stop bleeding.
I left the apartment with a pocket full of tissues for blotting the cut. Constantly checking my wrist watch, I had to walk faster and faster to get all the way across Central Park and then drop twenty blocks south. And I knew that the faster I walked, the longer it would take the cut to coagulate.
Eventually I had to take off my sport jacket and start jogging along a diagonal path in park -- not easy, because few paths of any kind led all the way across Central Park to the West Side. In the meantime I stuck a small patch of tissue on the cut. By the time I reached Columbus Avenue and 72nd Street, I felt the patch was still wet. I dabbed it with a clean tissue and the bloody little patch came off. Darn it, this was the kind of trivial crap that used to infuriate me in Memphis. As I trudged down junky Columbus Avenue I became aware of how fragile my New York euphoria could be. It became a major battle for me to maintain the frame of mind it had taken me two months to achieve.
I made it to the Columbus Avenue station five minutes early. I paced back and forth in the crowded subway mezzanine, dabbing at my chin. Eventually, the tissue came away from my face clean. Then, at five fifteen, Martha was late. I wondered if I were in the right location. My white shirt collar and underarms were getting sweatsoaked. I paced back and forth in the muggy station, dodging people and getting liberally cursed in hot headed New York style.
Finally, finally, Martha appeared at five twenty, trying her best to run in her heels and straight skirt. It was amazing: I was hot, sweaty, tired, and flustered, and the sight of her had me instantly in love and horny. I thought I could be half dead, my arms and legs cut off, and I'd still get horny looking at her.
She walked in a rush and grabbed me by the arm. "C'mon!"
"Do we have to be in a hurry like this?"
"Maybe we can get a seat on the train. The D train just pulled in."
We hopped down a short flight of stairs, Martha pulling me by the hand all the way, and we scooted into the subway car just as the doors were slamming shut. The car was packed. No seats.
"Well," Martha said, hanging onto a center post, "we tried."
"It's the five o'clock rush. What do you expect?"
"I guess so."
"Where are we going?"
"Greenwich Village. MacDougal Street. What's wrong with your chin?""
"Razor cut."
"It's bleeding a little." She started searching through her purse. I quickly reached into my pocket for a tissue and I dabbed it at my chin, and Martha saw me and said, "Here, gimme that."
"I can do it."
"Gimme. You can't see what you're doing." She snatched the tissue and dabbed at my chin.
I winced, pulling back angrily. "Stop mothering me."
She didn't move for a moment, staring at me as if shocked, or hurt, or insulted. I shrugged and pointed my finger at my chin. "Okay, c'mon. Do it. Go ahead, you do it."
"You sounded so mean."
"Oh, I'm just in a big rush. C'mon, help clean this off." I stuck my chin out. "C'mon. I'm okay."
She dabbed at me gently, examining me closely, and I looked at her eyes, her big captivating eyes and the lashes and her little nose and her soft, lipsticked mouth. She was just unbelievably pretty. I felt like an idiot for snapping at her.
A tall, lean black guy with a goatee and a crushed old hat stood just behind and beside her, and looked down at her with a big grin. "Mmm, Mama! Dat is one fine woman!"
Martha's eyes rolled in her head, and she ignored him.
"Really fine!"
I looked up at him, steadfast. "She sure is. She's the best around."
Martha glowered at me, forming a shh! with her lips.
The big black guy beamed at me. "Dat's what I says, man! She is fine, fine, FINE!" The train jerked violently to a stop at 47th Street. The black guy turned to get out. "I mean fine, baby!" On his way out the door he exclaimed, "REAL fine! Whooo!"
As soon as the guy left, Martha glared at me and said below the noise of the crowd, "Steven, don't ever argue with hecklers in New York. Ever!"
"Sorry."
The train started again. She fumed quietly, lurching against the center post and turning to eye someone behind her who bumped her. She looked up and saw me staring at her. She chided me, "It's dangerous to do that. Don't do that."
"Okay." I looked at her for a moment. "Sorry I snapped at you back here."
"You had such a mean look in your eyes. I was just trying to help. I never saw you look like that."
I sighed. "I'm just adapting to the local mannerisms. So they won't think I'm from out of town."
She settled down, not speaking.
I said, "This morning you were going to tell me something. You said it could wait."
"It's still waiting."
I kept my eyes on her patiently.
Finally she looked at me. "Why did it take you nine years to get so hot and excited with me? And then you give us only five days to enjoy it."
I smiled. I said, "I guess I'm slow to arouse."
She wagged her head a couple of times and said, "I was just cranky, I guess."
I moved my head slowly to and fro. I said softly, "Fine, fine, fine."
She smirked and made a little fist and gave me a tap on the arm.
After the dinner we returned home too late for any lovemaking. We crawled into bed naked and embraced each other and, as we had done earlier that week, we fell asleep touching and caressing.
Friday night in Ronnie's candlelit bedroom, Martha lay beside Ronnie watching wild eyed as I neared an orgasm inside Ronnie's cunt. Martha grinned at me as I trembled on my arms, my hips starting to slow for the long slide into a climax that Ronnie had been building up in me for several minutes. Martha's fingers pressed enticingly into the muscles behind my sack as I labored. I huffed and puffed and was as taut as a cable, on the very edge of cumming. I had held my breath for so long I couldn't talk.
Martha teased me, "You close? Hon?"
They were both driving me out of my mind. I wondered if my brain would burst before my balls did. The preliminary, stiffening surges started in my dick. I slid in and out of Ronnie's cunt between the two soft fingers that held my root and looked for signals.
Ronnie leered up at me while I fucked her, her eyes taunting. "Little Steven's a-a-almost there, aren't ya baby? Yeah, Aunt Ronnie can feel him pulsing in there. Cummin', baby? Gonna cum in Aunt Ronnie?" She lowered her voice to a tempting whisper. "Gonna fill up Aunt Ronnie's pussy? Hm? Gonna feel good, huh? Gonna feel sooo gooood." Ronnie started writhing her hips gently, the mouth of her cervix slithering around my tip. I grit my teeth and yelped "Uh!" Ronnie hissed salaciously, her eyes sparkling, "Yeah, he likes that. Stevie-boy likes that, likes to feel Aunt Ronnie's pussy movin' on 'im. Likes it nasty like that. Likes fuckin' Aunt Ronnie. Likes to fuck. Ffffuck."
I grunted, cumming deliriously, and my dick went insane, spewing cum. I went blind.
Her eyes narrowed. She whispered excitedly, lewdly. "Yyyeahhh, baby. Yeah! Cum in Aunt Ronnie. Ahhh. OH! Oh, YEAH! Oh, Stevie, baby, that was -- Oh! Mmmm. Honey! Ohhh, sweetheart! Mmm. Mmmmmm. Slo-o-ow down, now. Yeah, nice and slow, get it all in, a-a-all in there. Yyeeahh. All in Aunt Ronnie's pussy. Thaaat's right. Ah. Ah. Get in deep, honey. Mmm, deep. Whew! God, we wore us both out, huh? Hm? Yeah, settle in deep, sweetheart. Take a little rest, now. Whhh! A little rest, baby." I relaxed and Ronnie relaxed, and she sighed wearily, "Oh! Good lord."
I had to drop to my elbows. I couldn't move any more. During the winding down, Martha chuckled near me, her hand massaging the aching, weakly throbbing muscles under my balls, and Ronnie's pussy churned and milked gently, contentedly. Ronnie whispered, "Mmm, he liked fuckin' Aunt Ronnie. He likes it naughty. Hm? Didja like it naughty like that?"
I groaned, "Yes!" Not only was I drained, I felt like a thoroughly drained savage.
Ronnie stroked my neck and back. She said in her normal voice, "Martha, you puritanical Southerners can get so dirty! I've never done it like that. God, I've *never*. Didn't know I could."
Martha stopped rubbing my muscle and started caressing my butt. "Ronnie, I always knew you had it in you."
"Oh, I've got it in me, I've got it all in me!" She chuckled. "I learned from watching you." She kissed my neck. "Mmmm."
Martha blushed. She kissed my shoulder. She smiled at me. "Hon, I thought you were going to faint. I won't bother to ask if you liked it."
I couldn't have answered her anyway. In every respect, I was done in.
Ronnie used one hand to brush sweaty hair from her face. She grinned and laughed. "Whew! I was really sounding filthy. I can't believe it. I even embarrassed myself! Good lord! So surreal!"
While I lay like a corpse they went into the bathroom. I struggled to my feet and stumbled into the kitchen shower. I kept it on the cold side, but it didn't help that much. I got back into bed.
The two women returned from the bathroom and sat up smoking cigarettes, saying I looked as if I needed a long break. When they finally got to work on me again they spent more than half an hour trying to get me up, but even Martha's wonderful mouth couldn't get a strong boner going. I was just too damn contented and sapped.
Finally I put my arms around Martha and rolled her onto her back and cradled an arm around her head and spoke softly to her, "Let's don't leave Mama Martha unattended. Let's be nice to her." I stroked the back of my hand across her cheek and looked into her eyes. I said, "Let's be nice to Mama Martha's wicked little girl." As soon as I said it I saw a sweltering dampness glaze her eyes. I let my fingers glide across her breasts and down her tummy and down her thighs and then back up to her pussy. I kissed her lips, and with my mouth hovering near hers I teased, "Want to make Mama's wicked girl feel good?"
She whispered a soft but excited, "Yes."
I lifted my face and looked into her eyes. They were like hazel turned liquid. I smiled at her. I brushed hair away from her forehead. I teased gently, "Are you a wicked little girl?"
Her eyes smoldered. "Yes!"
"Does our wicked little girl want her wicked boy to make her feel nasty?"
Her eyes closed. She had the look of a deep, dizzying swoon on her face. Her hand gripped my shoulder. "Oh, Steven. Oh."
I gave her a soft kiss while my hand cruised over her breasts and I let a finger trail around and around a jutting nipple.
I raised my head and looked down at Martha's naked, spread body. Her right arm gripped my shoulder and her left hand lay beside her head. I rolled her nipple between my fingers, and my eyes glanced up at Ronnie lying on her tummy beside Martha, and Ronnie grinned at me, then she watched Martha's face.
For several minutes I licked and caressed Martha's torso, reaching down now and then to fondle her pussy briefly, but never letting her get very far along, not fingering her, finding something she enjoyed immensely and then leaving it for something else before returning. Ronnie watched me, watched everything I did, and then she did the same thing behind me. When I sucked Martha's breast and then moved my mouth elsewhere, Ronnie took the same breast and nursed and licked and sucked. Then both of us were sucking a nipple and Martha arched her head back and seemed to float far, far away, leaving us back on earth with her nipples jutting up for more pleasure, and she shivered a little and seemed to have a kind of quiet, pleasurable internal climax, her open mouth uttering a long, long, almost inaudible ahh, and then she relaxed, and we kept sucking and licking. She whispered, "So nice. So wicked. So nice." I loosed her nipple and kissed her shoulders, and then I started downward along her waist. Ronnie lifted her head and brought her face near Martha's. She kissed Martha's closed eyes. She held a palm against Martha's cheek and whispered, "Martha. My little girl's so excited. So dark. I want to make it wicked and dark for you. Very dark." Martha whispered distantly "Yes" and Ronnie gave Martha's cheek a soft, lingering kiss, and then another on Martha's neck, and another on Martha's shoulder, and she moved slowly toward Martha's breast. I kissed Martha's tummy and then lifted my head to watch her as my hand crept downward to her tuft, and my fingers played there. Martha's legs moved apart a little.
I watched her closed eyes and her blissful face. Her lips parted a little, giving a constant stream of soft ah's while she breathed, and I moved my palm down the soft but taut flesh of her smoothly muscled left thigh, slowly, and then slowly up, and I repeated that caress along the inside of her thigh, creeping toward her pelvis. Ronnie watched my hands on Martha, and then she leaned up on one elbow and she watched Martha's face and she let her hand repeat my motion, caressing downward along Martha's tummy to her tuft and toying with the short auburn curls there, and then she watched her hand glide softly down the top of Martha's other thigh. Then she watched Martha's face while her hand stroked inside Martha's thigh as mine did. As we caressed Martha's thighs Ronnie glanced at me, and she smiled intimately, naughtily. I thought they both looked and behaved as if slightly possessed; I wondered if I looked the same way. Martha's breathing gradually became deeper, more irregular. My fingers crept up her thigh and then I stroked her wet cuntlips, and she gave a soft sigh, and Ronnie kept watching my hand. I let my hand cup Martha's pussy and I made slow circles on her. Her hips rose briefly and I felt her wetness smear across my palm. I bent two fingers and found her clit and began to circle, slowly, and Martha sighed "Mmm. Yes." I circled and circled and her pussy was soon drippy, so I slid my finger inside. Martha's legs slid wider apart. The tendons spreading from her center pulsed in time with my slow fingerfucking. Then I paused. Inside her, I let my middle finger massage the secret, internal spot, the rough bundle on her upper wall, and she moaned and turned her face to its other side and she winced a little. She smiled and breathed loudly, and after a minute she had the little internal orgasm that she liked to have, clinching her jaw for a few seconds and then relaxing, panting. I let my finger stay in her a moment and I bent to kiss her neck. Her hand on my shoulder squeezed.
Ronnie lay with her head resting on the pillow and cradled my head on her breast, cautioning me, "Careful. I'm a little sensitive, too, right now." She closed her eyes peacefully while I kept my mouth easy on her nipples. In the dark, quiet room I spent many long, long minutes fingerfucking her and then licking until she was wet and ready enough for my finger to slip effortlessly inside. Martha watched, lying on her tummy on Ronnie's other side and stroking my back and rump, kissing my...
During that same week, more complications ensued. As usual in New York, it was best to expect the unexpected, while expecting the expected to involve unexpected hassles. On Monday I got a little financial relief when Fiore announced that I was in good enough shape to get transferred to a less expensive class, out of the more costly, personalized sessions. The change lowered the overall price of Fiore's training to one-half the former cost -- a good move for me because I was beginning to see...
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It was a little after eleven Friday night. Martha lay atop me, her hips over my face, her head over my cock. She ran her tongue around my glans, slowly, around and around, and I licked her tush and licked downward along the round muscles and onto the back of her thighs and then toward her pussy and along the rim of her slit, up and down, and she moaned, "Ahh. Steven." Her mouth enclosed my tip, and then slid down, down. I sighed hotly, "God. Martha." Her mouth moved up and then off me,...
Martha and I undressed in the bedroom while Ronnie went into the bathroom for a minute. Outside, the sun had descended just below the height of the West Side buildings. Martha watched me with a little smile while she stepped out of her panties and I pushed down my jocks. Naked, she walked to the window and drew the thin Woolworth's curtains closed, blocking out the pink glow of dusk, dimming the room. Martha moved to her dresser, and I watched her hazel eyes and her nipples and her auburn...
In the candlelight Martha's teeth and eyes glinted as she lay naked under me, knees drawn back, grinning up at me. She held my cock at the root with one hand and she watched my eyes while I entered her. I groaned as her creamy pussy closed around me. Her grin widened when I started screwing. She whispered, "Fuck. Fuck." Her cunt gripped, tight. I groaned again, my head arching back. Martha whispered, "Fuck." I looked at her eyes. They sparkled with lust. I knew by the look in them...
When Martha saw I'd stopped she rose upright and put a hand on Ronnie's shoulder, and Ronnie let her head fall back and closed her eyes and sighed. I watched her rest for a moment, and then I withdrew my wet finger and put my palm on Ronnie's tummy. She opened her eyes and looked at me, her eyes intense and edgy. I smiled and asked, "Okay with you if we stop?" She didn't say anything, didn't blink her eyes. She smirked, but her eyes didn't change. She laid one hand on the back of my...
Sunday night after dinner we went to Ronnie's apartment again. The previous Friday's coupling had left the three of us less needful. Sunday night began as a languid body massage session, without lotion. We caressed and teased, and lay for some time doing little more than running a finger along an arm or leg while we talked. A long time after we lit a candle and undressed, I was lying on my back with Ronnie sitting up on my right and Martha lying alongside me on the left, and while Ronnie...
Some events are like dreams. Their cause, their meaning, their place in one's history remain forever unexplained. They occur once in time, surprising us sometimes, but always making a mockery of our expectations. In memory they are recurring, timeless, with vague borders and an always jumbled, inexact sequence. In the aftermath all one can say is that they occurred, and defiant memory recalls only the pieces, never their source or their reason. In the yellow-white sun Martha and Ronnie...
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The small, candlelit room seemed untouched by time. The earth stopped turning. As if in a dense, humid fog of sexuality, I let Ronnie relax onto her back and gave each of her nipples a gentle suck for a moment while she lay with her eyes closed, her breath easing. Then I rose and enfolded Martha in my arms, my sweet, beautiful, sexy Martha, and we held each other longingly and she lay back on the floor and opened her legs and smiled, her eyes simmering, and she whispered, "Lick me, hon....
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Wednesday. The nude beach at Fire Island, again. A breezy, slightly cloudy day. Martha grumbled, "Out here in broad daylight." She glanced quickly up and down the beach. "So who's around?", Ronnie said. "There's nobody for miles." She sat Indian style on our big towel in front of me. I sat upright, my knees under me, while Ronnie's left hand cradled my balls. Her right hand, lathered with suntan lotion, rhythmically squeezed my cock in a well controlled milking motion. Martha...
Each day in New York introduced me to a different and fascinating experience that I hadn't imagined in Memphis. Wednesday was no exception. The Long Island Railroad was a world of its own. We rose at five thirty and Martha and Ronnie and I had a quick, greasy breakfast in Pennsylvania Station before boarding a commuter train bound for eastern Long Island. We shuttled through Jamaica Station just as the westbound rush hour mounted; for miles and miles as we headed east toward Bay Shore, we...
I massaged lotion into Martha's arms and shoulders, my strokes growing slower and more sensuous to test Martha's state of mind -whatever the hell that might be at this point -- and moved tentatively to the swell of her breasts and then between them for a while, and then to her tummy, and down the tops of her thighs. Martha closed her eyes and I asked, "Okay?" and she said, "Hm. Take your time, hon." I got more lotion and massaged along the tops of her thighs and calves, and then lightly...
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Wednesday, Ronnie's half-day off, Ronnie met me at her apartment. I gave her Anita's birthday for a chart. Ronnie told me that she couldn't borrow the calculator from the office, so I'd have to help her work out the numbers using manual tables that came with her books. It was a pain in the neck. I spent more than half an hour calculating the figures, and another half hour checking them. Ronnie lounged on her sofa, watching me as I bent forward over her coffee table, working. She said,...
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We strolled down East 86th Street. It was getting late, yet I was amazed that the traffic and the people on Lexington Avenue were as frenzied as they were during the day. Martha led me to a newsstand so besieged with customers that we had to push our way through to get a copy of the Sunday Times. "This is not the way you get it in Memphis," she said, offering me the hefty newspaper with both hands as if it were a precious gift. She saw my eyes bulge: the complete New York Times, including...
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Saturday. Rain. Saturday morning Martha and I took a shower together. When she shut off the water I put my arms around her and we stood hugging in the shower stall. She said, "We can't start anything right now. I have to see my gynecologist at ten." "I'm not starting anything. Just hugging." She snuggled closer. "What are you going to do today?" "Pack some. I guess." "Sounds depressing. Why don't you wait, and let me help you?" "I have to get used to the idea." She...
I lay on my side with Martha spooned behind me. Gazing out the small window that overlooked East 87th Street, I gradually returned to earth. I was startled at how quickly and completely I had fucked and climaxed. In trying to recall each detail of the past few moments, I felt I'd lost all control and all awareness; the whole event seemed blurred. Martha slid a hand down my arm and up again, as if learning anew the textures her fingers found there. She said softly, "I missed cumming like...
That was a sensuous summer. Mom's relationship apparently ran smoothly for a while and my stepdad-to-be took her out infrequently but regularly. Often it was on weekends when I was with my grandparents or godparents. But now and then they went out on a Friday, and I could be with Martha Jane. Each time, Martha Jane would show up on time and we'd fix dinner for each other, clean up, do a little homework, and then undress each other in the tiny bedroom. Soon the room echoed with our sighs and...
Perhaps, when I awoke groggily at my Mama Rose's house that Saturday morning, July 2, 1955, I had been dreaming of my father while asleep in that room. I had little else to hold before me as a model of what I might do and how I might behave when I went to Union Station later that day to say goodbye to Martha. I wondered how Steven Senior might handle it: he was a hero, a winner of the Air Medal, two Purple Hearts and the Silver Star. He had faced the terror of war with the Nazis twenty-two...
In December 1953 my Mom married and my stepfather moved into the apartment temporarily while they searched for a new house. The ceremony was little more than a small tea party in a room in the reception house at St. Mary's Church. This being my mother's second marriage, she didn't think a large wedding would be appropriate, and my conservative step-dad agreed. They took over the old bedroom, and I slept on the pullout sofa in the living room. Business problems at my stepdad's supermarket...
Candy met Martha at a friend's party. She had noticed Martha moving around the room. Everyone else seemed to notice Martha too. It was, she mused, not only because of Martha's generous proportions -- but also because of her easy laugh, booming voice and the animated way she flung her arms and head when chatting. You could see Martha was accustomed to being noticed and she did nothing to make herself any less the centre of attention by her style of dress, which was a loud floral clingy number...
Sunday. I woke at seven. I left Martha sleeping and donned my new-made cutoff shorts and my new running shoes and I jogged to the newsstand on 86th Street. But I was too rested and energized to stop for the Times. Something got into me; I kept jogging, picking up the pace and heading for Central Park. I zoomed into the park and across the small meadow beside the Metropolitan Museum. The few people who were about ignored me, and I chided myself for worrying in the first place that people in...
It was very early Thursday morning and a woman on the airplane who sat next to me and looked like my mother was smiling at me and asking, "You're going back?" I smiled at her politely and said "Yes." She said, "Oh, you'll love it in Memphis," and I smiled politely and shook my head and said, "No, New York." She said "But we're going to Memphis." I said "No. New York." I rested my head against the padded headrest. I closed my eyes, and it was just as it was when I was on the...
I had a bad cold. It was just before Thanksgiving. Wearing a heavy brown flannel robe, I sat up against the headboard as Martha Jane settled near me on the bed and sat Indian-style. In her hand she had a bottle of green cough syrup, a bottle of cod liver oil, and a bottle of ear drops. "Okay, hon, time for dessert." "That's not dessert," I complained. "This is dessert for sick folks." She shimmied her hips into the mattress to get comfy. "Now, let's see, what does this say... ?"...
Any predictions, premonitions or expectations I might have had about New York were quickly and unexpectedly undone and/or displaced at every turn. Life in Memphis, like its population, was fairly uniform and predictable. Not so in New York. Martha turned out to be a pretty decent companion during the week, despite an occasionally cranky outburst. If Ronnie was in the throes of her period, she showed little sign of it; she was as eventempered as ever at our two lunch dates during the week....
Sunday. I had been in New York six weeks and two days. Sunday morning Martha and I went to an Appalachian Arts exhibit at the Metropolitan, and late Sunday afternoon we went with Ronnie to see an old Greta Garbo movie at the Museum of Modern Art. Then we went to a diner. For the first time, as we ate, Martha asked me about the party. She said, "It must have been great. He was out until two o'clock." Ronnie said, "Two o'clock? Hey, hey. And how did Anita hold up?" I said flatly,...
The week preceding Martha Jane's last weekend of packing before she left her charming apartment near Memphis State was a long, numbing one. As far as I knew, it would be my last chance to spend time with her before she moved to East Memphis under her new stepdad's watchful eye. Although we spoke by telephone briefly during the week and set the schedule for my Saturday visit, there was no mention of what might or might not happen after that weekend. I was too fearful of bringing it up. When...
Her eyes and her words left me speechless. I cleared my throat and concealed my state of shock, nodding firmly to signal my acceptance of what she had said. I shuffled nervously. She waited, staring at me almost apprehensively. She seemed at once both resolute and vulnerable. She said softly, "I hope... I didn't blow your fuses." I said with a brittle smile, "They're not fuses. They're circuit breakers. They reset after a few minutes." She smiled sweetly. "Have I... burst all your...
Neither my parents nor Martha Jane's mother were home that week. For the first time, Martha Jane slept overnight with me. When I woke, earlier than usual, the morning sun was just peeking over the rooftops of the project buildings beyond mine. Two radiant shafts of sunlight poured through the bedroom's double window and across the middle of the bed. Martha Jane was not with me, but I knew where she was by the muffled sound of running water behind the closed bathroom door. I could not have...
I sat dumbfounded while viewing my first foreign language film, so amazed, that at first I didn't feel Martha nudge me with her elbow in the dark theater until she did so insistently. I turned to her. She wiggled her fingers near my face. Understanding, I took her hand in mine. She smiled contentedly and hugged our clasped hands against her thigh over her skirt. She rubbed my arm cozily, and turned back to the movie. I had never seen such a film. The movie was "Bicycle Thief," which had...
I blinked. The room was black. The candle was out. Vaguely, I heard distant sparrows. Vaguely, I felt a warm, small, still hand resting on my cheek, barely touching my skin. I saw lips near my face, and a face so close to mine that my sleepy eyes couldn't focus on it. Before I saw any features or sensed any other signals, I knew the face and hand were Martha's. I was on my back but leaning slightly to my right, my right arm slung across the bed toward the night table at the right of the...
Ronnie said to me as I sat nude on a three-legged stool and she started drawing, "Martha won't let me draw her, you know." I asked "Why not?" "She sat for me about the time we first met. When we were roommates. And she had such a classic, gorgeous figure, I told her she just had to pose nude for me, just *had* to. Or in a swim suit or something." "She wouldn't?" Ronnie sighed, erasing something. "No." I said, trying to balance myself with one foot on the floor and my other...
Monday morning, Martha went back to the same old grind. After she left for work I went back to my same old grind, jogging to Central Park and hanging a few chin-ups from a tree limb. I was closer to Memphis, no closer to staying in New York or finding ways to get back more often, no nearer to a conclusion about my feelings for Martha or Ronnie. I did have cash in my pocket and a bundle of traveler's checks I'd earned from posing. While I was cleaning up at Martha's, Ronnie called on the...
Saturday, August 24, 1957. I woke up at six. Martha slept like a log beside me. Even after a good night's sleep, I was grumpy; I was ready for life to ease up. Nothing was turning out the way I wanted it to. Two weeks left in New York. I had a hard run through Central Park, trying to run past unease and frustration but feeling it keeping pace with me. When I arrived at Martha's I was covered with sweat. Martha was in the kitchen shower. She swept aside the shower curtain and peered out...
One day in early October when I came home very late from school, Mom said as I entered the kitchen, "Oh, there you are. You missed Martha Jane's call. I told her I didn't know where you were. I said tonelessly, "Okay." I opened the refrigerator, looking for something to eat. Mom stood with her hands in the dishwater. "That reminds me, she called a couple of weeks ago, and you weren't here then, either. I guess I forgot all about it." I took a milk carton out of the refrigerator....
Saturday. In my mind, it was Anita Day. Anita didn't attend the Saturday class. I called her on the telephone the day before. She said she had a busy schedule and wouldn't be at Fiore's, but I was to meet her for the party with her friends at her godparents' home. My exhausting Friday night with Martha and Ronnie had me in a calm mood for handling myself in a sexually civilized manner with Anita. In fact, I found myself hiding out again when I met Anita and we strolled to the expensive...
I had a few disastrous flirtations. The Brothers held a sophomore class prom. Those who couldn't find a date could get one through Brother Lawrence's contacts with the Catholic girls' schools in town. At first, my sister was going to fix me up with a blind date. After meeting several of her girlfriends I decided I'd be better off with pot luck through Brother Lawrence. How bad could it be, I told myself, after some of my dates in New York? But trying it was. Being driven to and from the...
During the week, Ronnie set me up with two posing assignments. They went well, although I found myself very restless while trying to hold a single pose for more than fifteen minutes. I posed twice for the same artist, a middle-aged woman in Greenwich Village whose apartment walls were literally flooded with drawings, paintings, and photographs by herself and others. She seemed quite pleased with me, and she gave me some pointers on how to promote myself and register with various services. I...
When I opened my eyes Saturday morning the sun was shining with a brightness that told me it had been daylight for hours. The little fan on the window whirred steadily, streaming air toward the bed. I glanced at the clock. Eight twenty. Martha was half on me, using my chest for a pillow. I stroked her hair. She didn't stir. I kissed her hair and caressed her shoulder. On my other side, Ronnie had turned away and slept curled on her side, her tush against my hip, my arm still cradling her...
Martha Jane and my mother helped me walk into our apartment, where they settled me face up on the sofa and placed a wet rag over my face. Mom called the relative who lived closest to us in town, my Grandma Rose Ricci, to hurry over in their car and get me to nearby St. Joseph's Hospital. But Grandma Rose was too distraught to drive and she called my Aunt Frances, who in turn was so distraught she called my Aunt Josephine, who in turn was also so distraught she called her niece, my cousin...
Friday. Martha woke with a start at a quarter to seven. "Damn! The alarm didn't go off!" She ran into the bathroom. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. It occurred to me that I had not changed Martha's alarm back to its regular wake-up time after setting the alarm for Fiore's appointment the day before. Crap! As if I hadn't already disrupted Martha's existence! I ran into the kitchen and got the coffee started and made toast. In the bathroom, Martha was on the rampage, dropping...
Wednesday morning. My last Wednesday in New York. While Martha showered that morning in the kitchen I finished making coffee and toast and I put on my running clothes. Then I remembered that I was supposed to take a day off from working-out. Martha hurried into the living room to gulp down her coffee and toast. She saw me lounging at the table. "You didn't run yet?" "Takin' a day off." "Good!" She bent down to me, then she sat on my lap with an arm around my shoulder. "Good. You...
At the time, most of this went right past my very young level of awareness--but I clearly understood that she was troubled. I knew that I somehow had to stay with her and believe in her and help her in some way. I wanted to bring indescribable pleasure and comfort to her. She was making me feel loved and tickly now, and I wanted desperately to do the same for her. I found the folds of her skirt and tried to gather them up, but had a hard time; my hands were too small. She stepped back, not...
Mom convulsed into a tight ball on her side and retched feebly, making a small sticky red stain in the kleenex she held to her mouth. Then she relaxed with a pitiful moan. "What's wrong?" I asked, going swiftly to her side of the bed. She licked her lips clean and tried to catch her breath. Not getting an answer, I raised my voice fearfully. "What's wrong? What happened?" "I'm sick, Speedy. It came on... all of a sudden." "What's wrong? When did it start?" "Called your...
She led me to the bedroom and I jumped onto the mattress, as I usually did, and waited for her to turn out the light and fluff up the pillows, as she usually did. But this time she stood very quietly in the dark near the edge of the bed. She took off her bra and panties. I had seen her bra-less often enough, but now she was totally nude. I remember how she looked, her smoky green eyes and frizzy auburn hair reflecting the moonlight. She was slim but not skinny, slightly curvy in the upper...
Twenty teens gathered in the small theater in Anita's building. They were a very mixed group from all over the metropolitan area, some of them rich kids that had attended Anita's earlier party, others were apparently not so rich. A very democratic crowd. I was surprised to see a couple of black couples, an unlikely presence in Memphis. Both couples appeared to be from overseas. Maury sat down front with his coterie of seven or eight admirers, all of them in suits. Chris sat in the farthest...
I whispered, "Let's do this for a while. Just this. Okay?" She swallowed again. "Yes." For a while we silently enjoyed touching and stroking each other with no particular goal in mind other than pleasing ourselves and discovering all the things about us that had changed. As we touched and played we talked. I told her about the plays I'd done, how movies and photography and history had captured so much of my life. She told of her classes, her work, what she had learned. I didn't...
We reached the top of the stairs. She stood in the middle of the living room and looked about. She sighed downheartedly, "I'm so tired of this." Suddenly she started crying; she frowned and then squinted hard, and her eyes closed and squeezed out small pearly tears that tumbled quickly down her cheeks. "I'm so tired of this," she wept, and covered her face quickly with her hands. I went to her and held her shoulders, letting her lean against me with her face in my chest. For a minute...
During the night I awoke twice, finding it dark and still outside. Each time, I felt creepy and giddy and unable to define the vexing nervousness in my legs and chest. When I awoke the third time, it was daylight. Martha was walking into the bedroom in her heels. Dressed and ready for work, she came to my side of the bed. She asked, "What on earth were you dreaming about all night?" I turned onto my back, rubbing my bleary eyes. "I was dreaming?" She sat on the bed and rested a hand on...
The birthday party went on and on, with no surprises disturbing the world of my dead father's family, nothing changing, nothing learned, nothing decided. Soon everyone was hugging and kissing and saying goodbye. During the party I longed to be anywhere but there. I spent the whole time waiting for next Saturday to arrive. This world was a far cry from the world of Martha Jane, an eternity away from our secrets in the dark, of naked flesh reveling in affection and pleasure, of whispered...
Near the end of the summer of 1956, just before I started classes at Christian Brothers High School, I wrote Martha Jane and told her that the main reason I worked all summer was to earn money for a one-week visit to New York. I had saved enough for train fare, and if she didn't have room for me in her apartment I had money for a hotel. Three weeks passed. I'd hoped for a quick reply. I wanted to get to New York before the summer ended. But as the days passed I started losing hope. August...