Mad Cowboys and Alien FucktardsChapter 2
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I rode into Indian Territory unescorted, completely alone, ahead of my cattle and men. I knew better but didn’t give a shit as the boys were getting on my nerves and I needed some space.
Even Jimmy was grading on me, giving me hell each and every time I put Benny in back to gather up stragglers. According to him, I was an asshole who’s picking on my youngest brother when in fact it was simply Ben’s turn to be in the trenches. If I didn’t give Benny regular shifts the other drovers would accuse me of showing favouritism and would rebel each time it was their turn.
There was no winning there.
Then we had Frankie who rubbed everyone wrong. Most men could only handle his bullshit in short doses, so when you had to live and work with him everyday his negativity wore you down. Couple his shitty attitude with his awful hygiene and you had yourself the perfect storm. Every single time I assigned someone to work with him I got the same stink eye and sideways comments. Next day I’d hear how bad an assignment that was and how they never want to work with Frankie ever again.
But it’s not like fresh workers are coming to replace us anytime soon.
Of course there were lots of small issues and conflicts that caused friction. Some men couldn’t work well in certain situations and there didn’t seem to be an obvious reason as to why. So I had to be extra careful not to put this guy with that guy or this guy doing this job cause he’d just mess it up and make everyone mad.
It was one big fucking headache after another.
Normally I could handle all this, knowing it was part of being the Trail Boss, but today it was too much and I had to get away from all the bullshit. I knew the boys needed a person to take their problems to but right now I wished it wasn’t me.
To add insult to my misery, that same morning Clyde told me someone was stealing food when he wasn’t not around. This was a big problem because our supplies were limited and Clyde had it all rationed out. We couldn’t stop at a store to restock if we ran low on something. Therefore, catching our thief was a big priority, but then I’d have to come up with the perfect punishment and be firm enough to scare future thievery but not so tough as to lose the moral and services of the man in question.
Like I said earlier, I simply couldn’t afford to lose any workers so I had to find the perfect balance between keeping the law while upholding morale.
Good times.
The land we just crossed into was controlled by Indians. As such they had the final say in this area and we crossed at their pleasure. I continued to ride alone most of that day and thought little of it until I spotted the first scout. I was hit by that feeling of being watched as I rode around a big boulder. I knew I was no longer alone out there.
It didn’t take long to locate my onlooker, or at least his silhouette. He spied alone, on horseback, perched on the edge of the cliff, high above me. He didn’t move, nor care that I’d spotted him. He simply kept watch as I crossed beneath him. If there’s one, more would likely follow, so I decided to abandon my little hiatus and meet back up with the boys hoping to find safety in numbers. To improve our odds I instructed everyone to carry a firearm at all times until we made it out of the region.
Thankfully trouble didn’t find us right away, but it came hard on us two days later when it did. Jimmy and Carlos were leading the cattle through a series of narrow canyon passageways and I decided to ride up front with them. We’d stretched the cattle pretty thin in order to worm through several tight squeezes, which slowed our pace considerably. We finally completed the last turn and stepped into a much wider area thinking our issues were done for that day, but boy were we wrong.
I breathed a deep sigh of relief, happy to be out of claustrophobic maze, that is, until I noticed Jimmy’s face harden into a cold, calculated stare. His right hand reached for his revolver but stopped short of unholstering it.
Knowing Jimmy felt bothered enough to reach for his gun yet too intimidated to pull it out scared the shit out of me. I didn’t want to see what held him back yet couldn’t help myself, so I rode a few strides further, around the corner and could now finally see beyond the large cliff face.
There, just past the bend, stood two dozen Indian warriors, each on horseback with various weapons in hand. Some held rifles while others had bows or hatches but they all looked pissed and ready to strike if given the order. Their faces were coloured with bright, colourful war paint.
I nervously worked my way closer hoping they wouldn’t whoop or cry out as they sometimes did. Our cattle would stampede at the sound and likely kill us all in the process as there wasn’t enough space in this cramped area.
“Holy fuck!” I heard Frankie say as he rounded the corner behind me.
“Sweet Jesus,” Jacob exclaimed at the terrifying sight.
I turned back and looked at my men. “Keep your shit together!”
“What should we do boss?” Paul asked nervously.
“It’s fine,” I said with a forced reassurance. “Happens all the time. Completely normal.”
“Bullshit,” Jimmy whispered as I rode over to him, still on horseback himself.
“I know. What the hell is this?” I asked, hoping the men couldn’t overhear us.
“Never seen them act like this before,” Jimmy said. “Something’s got ‘em spooked real good. Hope it’s not us ... otherwise we’re done for.”
“Yeah, what are our options if they attack?” I continued to stare at the small army of threatening warriors. Half of them were on ground level while the rest stood, perched atop various cliffs overhead.
Jimmy chuckled nervously. “Count us fucked for sure.”
“Not exactly comforting,” I said sarcastically, trying to keep things light, but deep down was shitting bricks.
Our adversaries had every advantage over us including skill, numbers, experience, home turf and the high ground. We didn’t stand a chance and I knew it.
“Hello!” I finally thought to call out as the angry crew continued to glare in my general direction.
They didn’t reply so I continued riding closer still. I carefully took stock as I approached. Most of these men could handle themselves in combat, it was obvious to me, but a couple were too old to fight. They were probably the chief leaders of this group and would be the ones I’d negotiate with.
“How,” one of the younger men finally said.
“Hi,” I said again, knowing this was the man I’d translate through. The rest would probably say nothing at all or nothing that I could understand at least.
“Close enough. Stop now,” the young man ordered in broken English.
I halted my advance as instructed, but remained on horseback. He did the same.
I had no idea if we’d walk out of here in one piece or not. I had experience trading with Indians but nothing reaching an intensity like this before. Most of the time two or three men would ride out to meet us on the trail and we’d haggle over a crossing fee and then go about our business.
But this didn’t strike me as one of those normal occasions. This new show of force made me wonder if the old rules were in play or not. In the past money had appeased our hosts but perhaps things had changed. Maybe they wanted something different as payment.
Who knows?
What’s certain is that we’re here at their mercy and they might accept my gift and let us go on our merry way or they might slit my throat, kill my men and steal our cattle.
Could go either way, simple as that.
So I waited, full of fear and trepidation, wondering if things had changed or if we’d simply offended them somehow. I’d find out soon enough as the young man rode closer towards me and soon stood squarely between me and his armed entourage.
Crusher growled under his breath but didn’t move.
“Are you leader of men and cows?” he asked, with a quizzical expression on his sun dried face.
“Yes, I am.” I tried to sound confident but felt anything but.
“You will pay toll yes?” The man cocked his head.
“Yes we will,” I replied happily. “How much is it?”
“How many cows?” the man asked but I suspect he already knew.
The other men watched our exchange, seemingly bored at this point.
“One thousand, one hundred and forty cattle,” I said loud enough for them all to hear.
The young man raised one eyebrow before correcting me. “We counted one thousand and one hundred and forty THREE cows.”
I snickered but immediately regretted the gesture as his entourage soured at the rebuke.
“You’re right,” I said apologetically. “I was just rounding off but that was a mistake.”
“Today you pay eleven,” he said flatly.
“What? Last year I only had to pay nine,” and this was the truth. Normally a herd pays a toll of eight or nine-cents per head for crossing Indian land. Twice we paid ten-cents but never anything as costly as eleven. I wondered if my rudeness had cost us dearly because this was an outrage.
“You pay eleven-cents or you cannot cross safely,” the translator said adamantly. The callous look in his eyes led me to believe this was neither a bluff nor a negotiating tactic. This seemed to be his final price.
“At eleven-cents per cow we’d have to pay a total of...” I tried to do the math in my head but failed. I ticked the numbers off on my hand but even with this added help it took me a few moments to come up with the correct sum. “One hundred and twenty-five dollars and ah...”
“One hundred, twenty-five dollars and seventy three cents,” the translator said confidently.
“That’s a shit ton of money,” I said with raised eyebrows.
“You pay or you go back.”
“You little prick,” I mumbled under my breath. “This is a rip off. All that money just for the privilege of walking by some boulders and trees.”
The man didn’t say anything so I shook my head in disgust and rode back to discuss things over with Jimmy.
“What’s going on?” Frankie called out softly as I headed their way.
“Shut your fucking mouth!” I glared back at him. “Just stay there and don’t move!”
“What do they want?” Jimmy asked, while keeping an eye on the threat.
“They want eleven-cents per cattle,” I said as I ran my hand through my hair. My back was turned to the warriors. I stared over at our cattle, most of which was wedged between a bunch of boulders and cliff edges. They looked anxious to get moving as did my drovers who were stuck in standstill amongst them.
“Did Dolan give you enough money to cover that?” Jimmy asked flatly.
“Yeah, he always gives me extra coin just in case something comes up,” I replied as I pulled the money pouch out of my saddle bag. “But that fucker will likely take it out of my pay at the end of the trip.”
“Don’t worry about him right now,” Jimmy advised. “These guys are serious. Don’t go dicking around with them. Give these assholes whatever they want so we can get the hell out of here. We’ll deal with Dolan later.”
I sighed deeply as I considered his advice. Dolan would be pissed and may not even believe me. I could hear the bastard even now.
What the hell are you talking about Buck? He’d say. Eleven-cents? Why didn’t you negotiate a better deal? This is coming out of your bonus!
But Dolan wasn’t here. It would be weeks before I’d hear from him. And these warriors were in front of us right now. They were the immediate threat and had to be dealt with here and now. So I rounded my steer.
“Wish me luck.” I said.
Jimmy chuckled a bit. “Good fucking luck!”
I smiled nervously back at him before riding towards the translator. I approached slowly and carefully, keeping a watchful eye on the looming threat surrounding me and my men. I made eye contact with a few of them. They returned my look with hardened stares of their own. A couple men shifted their rifles from one shoulder to the other while a younger warrior passed his hatchet from left hand to right in a threatening manner.
These guys were the real deal and not to be trifled with.
“You have the money?” the translator asked earnestly as I rode up next to him.
The two of us were alone on middle ground. He had his army behind him and I had my drovers and cattle behind me.
“Yes,” I nodded. “But why are you and your men so...” I almost said scared but thankfully caught myself. Didn’t want to risk offending them further. “Prepared? Why are you so prepared? And why is your toll so expensive this year?”
The translator sighed before looking back over his shoulder. He spoke in his native tongue and seemed to address an older man on horseback just behind him. The elder had long gray hair pulled back in a pony tail and said a few words in response, all of which I could not understand.
“The night sky gave a...” the translator seemed lost for the right term. “It gave a sign,” he said at last. “It warned of great danger.”
“What kind of danger?” I asked.
The young man cocked his head and looked quizzically at me.
“Do you think we are the great danger?” I wondered as I considered his questioning gaze. But the man’s expression turned stoic at this point, concealing his true feelings.
“So that’s why you and your men are ready for battle?” I finally understood. “Your superstitious beliefs have you all riled up.” I figured he didn’t understand the meaning of superstitious. “You think we might be that threat but you aren’t sure so you’re charging us extra just in case.”
The translator’s hardened expression did not change and he said nothing more.
“Got it,” I said while pulling the money out knowing there’d be no haggling for a better rate with these backward barbarians. They had strange beliefs and customs and I’d just have to play along or risk offending them and getting into even more trouble.
“Here you go,” I said after counting the money. “It’s all there.”
It pained me to surrender that much coin but what choice did I have? I handed him a handful of bills and coins and he eagerly accepted my gift.
“Good,” he replied after counting the full sum. “You free to cross land but if sky warns more ... well ... you die.”
He didn’t have the words but I understood the implication nonetheless.
I forced a smile but he didn’t return one of his own, nor show any indication of a humorous intent. He was dead serious.
No pun intended.
“Okay,” I said slowly as he and I both rode back to our respective parties.
“How did it go?” Jimmy asked calmly as I rode up next to him.
“Good as possible,” I said weakly. “They think a great evil might be consuming us or something but regardless we’re good to go somehow.”
“Evil?” Jimmy asked.
“Don’t ask,” I said as I rubbed the back of my head.
“Everything good to go boss?” Frankie asked as the band of warriors turned to leave.
“Yeah, let’s get this cattle moving,” I said to everyone who could hear me. “The toll has been paid and our passage is secure.”
“Great, I’ll pass the word along,” Frankie said excitedly.
He, like everyone else, was happy to get the hell out of there.
“Let’s move out!” I declared.
Jimmy took the lead and managed to get the show on the road after a little coercing. The cows had been standing still for a while and never liked moving after a break and this was no exception. They mooed their discontent.
“He ya!” Paul exclaimed, prodding them into action.
We were off to a slow start and had yet to cross under the last of our menacing hosts. A half dozen well armed Indians kept watch as we passed underneath them. It was fucking intimidating to say the least. I only hoped none of the drovers would do anything stupid while under their watchful eye.
Jerri
- 29.08.2021
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