Practicing More Than Scales
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Saturday morning, at 8:45, David wrapped his tallis about himself and said the blessing. His prayer shawl had been the traditional wedding day gift from Abby. He selected a siddur, the prayer book, from a bookshelf, as well as a Chumash, a bound copy of the Torah. He carried both volumes and the velvet bag that had held his tallis as he entered the main chapel.
David had sat in the same seat since he was a small boy, beside his father then. Later, he sat beside his wife. Later still, he sat with his own sons.
As he walked to his seat and settled himself in, he greeted people he'd known all his life and others he'd met when they'd moved to town. It was a sad fact that, even with a 9:00 start time, many could not be bothered to be on time. Some were just perpetually tardy; some, he surmised, liked to make an entrance. David, the heir of generations of German Jews, was prompt to a fault.
One of the teenagers went up to the podium and began the recitation of the opening blessings. A young adult took over for the next section of psalms and blessings. David didn't recognize either one.
'Maybe it's been longer than I thought since I was here, ' he thought.
Midway through the psalms, Abby led her boys into the shul. After the divorce, she had moved to a seat further back from where she had sat with David. As she walked to her seat, Aaron spotted his father.
"Mom. Mom." he stage-whispered. "Can I sit with Dad? Please?"
"Me too," added Nathan.
Abby looked up, surprised that David was there after so long. "Sure," she whispered. "Behave."
The boys scurried to join their father. Each hushed his brother, getting him to shape up. Nonetheless, by the time they neared their father they were quiet enough that David was surprised when Nathan touched his shoulder.
A smile split David's face and he closed the prayer book, using a finger as a bookmark. Each boy gave his father a hug and received a kiss on the cheek in return before clambering over David's lap to take an open seat. They knew better than to fight over who sat where. Nathan, as the older, won by default. The boys dutifully opened their own prayer books and looked to their father to learn the place.
"Hey, Dad. Where are your new glasses?" whispered Aaron.
"The doctor said I don't need them anymore. Now hush and follow along."
"You look different without them, but good," Nathan added. "I like it."
"Thank you. Now look in the siddur and practice what you know. It's less than three years to your bar mitzvah when you'll have to know this."
An easy quiet fell over the trio as they enjoyed the closeness. David absorbed himself in the prayers. The boys practiced what they had learned in after-school classes. Neither David nor Abby could tolerate those who treated services as a social activity and chatted through the time reserved for reflection and devotion.
As the morning psalms concluded, David dropped his head to whisper to his sons.
"I don't think it's right for both of you to abandon your mother. You don't want her to get lonely, do you? You know you can't run back and forth, so figure out a schedule that's fair. No more than four swaps, Okay?"
Aaron and Nathan conferred and arranged a schedule. Nathan squeezed past his father and went to sit with his mother while Aaron snuggled up to his father.
Nathan sat beside his mother. "Doesn't Dad look nice without his glasses? The doctor said he doesn't need them anymore."
"Yes, Nathan, he looks very handsome." replied Abby, keeping her eyes in the siddur, afraid to look up.
After the central part of the prayer service, the Torah was removed from the ark and placed on a larger podium for the chanting of the weekly portion. Men were called up one after another to recite the blessings while a segment of the portion was chanted on their behalf.
The person calling up the honorees looked at David, and he could tell that he would be called up next. Catching the man's eye, David subtly shook his head. With a raised eyebrow and shrug of the shoulders, another was called up instead.
A rough rotation was kept to maintain a balance among the congregants. Guests were usually granted a place, as were those with a remembrance or celebration during the coming week. Knowing that David had not received an honor for a while, the gabbai had wanted to recognize David. David, on the other hand, felt guilty for ignoring his religious obligation and didn't feel right accepting the honor.
The boys moved back and forth quietly and the conclusion of the service found both Nathan and Aaron beside him.
"Will we see you again tomorrow?" asked Aaron.
"Sure, just like usual," answered David. "Let's get you to your mother."
They stood and turned. David saw Abby across the room and the decisiveness he'd been feeling deserted him. He kept a slight smile glued to his face as he approached. 'Damn her, and damn me. She still looks so good. I'm still not over her, God help me. But I don't want to talk to her. I can't tell if she's going to snap at me or give me the cold shoulder.' David discounted the possibility of a pleasant conversation.
Leaning down to the boys, David said, "Guys. Why don't you go to your mother. I have to find Dr Lipkin and talk to him. Give me a hug and I'll see you tomorrow."
Nathan and Aaron each gave him a kiss and a hug and scooted through the crowd to their mother.
Abby had been watching her three men. 'What can I say to him? I'm glad that he's pulled himself away from that damn job for a morning. If the David I married saw this David he'd be embarrassed. Or is it just me being embarrassed for him? I'm so confused.
'I can't just ignore that he hasn't been here for months. On the other hand, if I say that it's good to see him here again, he'll think I'm being bitchy about how long it's been. How do I encourage him to make time away from work without it looking like I'm pointing at how he's neglected it in the past?
'Oh, he's headed over here. I'm going to blow it big time. Why do I think of them as my three men, when David's not anymore? Oh, why can't I think?'
It was with very mixed emotions that she saw David hugging her little men and turning away. She was still watching him talk to the older Dr. Lipkin when her boys dragged her away to the social hall for a bite to eat and running around with their friends.
"So, David, no aliyah?" asked Jack.
"No," he replied. "I can't see showing up for the first time in forever as a reason to get an honor. Perhaps next time or the time after that would be appropriate."
"Does that mean we'll be seeing you more regularly?"
"I think so. Can we step outside for a minute, Jack? I want to discuss ... that thing with you."
David removed his tallis as he and Jack walked from the synagogue, folding it and placing it back in the zippered velvet bag. They walked a short distance from the building and the clusters of other worshipers talking together.
"I've given a lot of thought to what you said," David began. "I want to thank you for your advice. It means a lot to me and I hope I can talk to you about this in the future when I need it."
"Of course you can, David."
"You're the only other person who knows about what's happened."
"I was the sandek at your bris. I held you on my lap when you were circumcised. That's how close your family was with ours. You have to know that I'll help you as much as I can. But David, you're driving me crazy! What did you decide?"
David dropped his eyes apologetically. "Sorry. I'm taking your advice and keeping it quiet. You were right that it would affect Aaron and Nathan. I can't risk their well-being."
"Thank God. I was worried you'd go off half-cocked."
"There was something else you said. You said it was a gift. I'm trying to think if that's what it is. I can't imagine what's behind this. Perhaps it's a blessing from God, though maybe it's a curse. Maybe it's a fluke in my DNA. Maybe it's ... I don't know what."
David, who had been getting animated, glanced around and took a deep breath.
"What I do know is that I've a second chance to have a decent smile, to not have the pain and the expense of having them fixed, to not feel and taste them slowly rotting in my mouth. On top of that, to not wear glasses for the first time since I was in grade school is a wonderful feeling."
David turned serious.
"I've been given a gift, perhaps the greatest gift short of having children. I'm beginning to appreciate it, though I still have to wrap my mind around the implications.
Lightening the mood a little, David reached over and shook Jack's hand.
"At any rate, I need to get going. Good Shabbos and thank you for your wise advice."
"I'm here for you, David. You only need to call. I'll probably see you Thursday morning at Paul's office."
The next several weeks ran true to course. He cleaned and shopped on Saturday afternoon, while Sunday was spent with his sons. Monday through Friday he worked fourteen hour days to keep up and to catch Dennis's attention with an eye toward a raise. The latter didn't seem to work.
The only saving grace was that he was arising early and still felt fully rested. "I can't believe my energy levels," David said to his breakfast one early morning. "I'm sleeping better than I have for years."
He lost another tooth every few days, but the ones replacing them were growing in very quickly. He developed tricks to avoid embarrassing himself by showing gaps in his mouth. The same could not be said for his problem 'south of the border'. Nervous giggles from Dennis's assistant, Rachel, told him that she had caught a glimpse of his tent a couple of times. Each time, David had blushed and turned to obscure her view.
One Thursday found David back in Paul's office with a bag of chocolate chip cookies.
"No further changes," announced Paul as David stood from the examination chair. "Let's celebrate with coffee and cookies."
When David related the changes to his sleep patterns, Paul made a suggestion.
"You know, David, it looks like you've dropped quite a few pounds."
"Maybe. There is slack in my belt now."
"If you're getting up early anyway, you should hit the gym at the JCC in the mornings. You have a family membership, so it's not a question of money. It'll do you a world of good; it'll clear your head. Just keep Thursdays reserved for here."
David thought for a moment. "I suppose I could do that, but I wouldn't know where to start. Do they have trainers there? Is that extra?"
"There are a couple of people there that could get you started. I don't think they're quite personal trainers, but they will give you an idea of where to start. Why don't you drop in tomorrow morning and see."
"You know, I'm going to do that. Thanks, Paul. Ooh! I need to get going. Thanks for everything."
Thursday and Friday were repeats of previous weeks, with the exception of David's visit to the JCC. The set-up was as Paul surmised, and David was able to get a plan for his first two weeks' exercises.
He would mix jogging with the different weight machines, keeping track of how he felt after lifting the recommended weights and reps. The guy promised to watch David's form the first few days to make sure he didn't pick up any bad habits. Others would volunteer to spot David, with the understanding that David would reciprocate.
Again, David was able to finish his week's work by late Friday and would be able to spend time with his boys the next day.
When Abby and the boys entered the synagogue, a two out of three set of rock, paper, scissors sent Aaron to sit with his father and Nathan with his mother.
Aaron gave David a kiss and collected his hug.
"Dad, you've got a sore on your cheek. Does it hurt?"
"Shh. No, it doesn't hurt. It's some kind of a pimple or something. It'll go away in a day or so."
David helped Aaron follow along until Nathan arrived to take his place.
"Dad has a pimple," Aaron promptly informed Abby.
After services, David again sent the boys back to Abby. 'You're a big chicken, that's what you are, ' he reproved himself.
David greeted many of the other congregants, but did not join the kiddush afterward. Paul, having closed the office for a rare weekend off, and David spoke for a while, even though Paul's greeting was, "David, you getting zits?"
Six o'clock Monday morning found David at the gym. He wore his exercise clothes and carried his work clothes. The supervisor walked him through the machines, closely following his progress as promised.
Even though he was concentrating on holding his form so he could do this on his own, David wasn't blind. He took in the others working on their machines, noticing how tightly the workout clothes of many of the women clung to their bodies. He almost hurt himself when a woman on a thigh machine winked and threw him a kiss while opening and closing her legs.
'I can't believe she's flirting with me. Forget flirting. She's all but propositioning me! Like I'm going to go along with that.'
Oceana
- 04.05.2020
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