Never Too Old To Be In Love - IChapter 12 free porn video

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The afternoon of Monday 24 May - Robert and Sarah - [Sarah]

My hands were shaking as I knocked on the door. He was behind the desk. Usually he never used the desk when he held tutorials. Always the big table so we could sit side by side and have a view over the garden.

"I'm sorry to mess you about. Hope this time's not too late for you." Gruff and abrupt. My heart sank. Really, I could feel it, or maybe it was just my stomach. I shook my head and looked round wondering where to sit. It was half-past five, so the afternoon would be over when we finished. His eyes kept sliding off me, not just refusing to meet mine. Refusing even to look at me. I must have been temporarily insane or dreaming to have believed what I thought Elizabeth meant.

Use my name, look at me, I'm here.

"Sarah. I'm afraid this is going to be a mess as a tutorial. Can we go out into the garden where I can see you properly? This room is gloomy at this time of day." He got up and came towards me, his hand reaching out to guide me, then flinching away, not quite touching me. It was trembling - nearly as badly as mine was. He let me go ahead and closed the door. I waited while he brooded.

"Do you mind walking?" He looked into my eyes, anxious. I thought of all those hours I'd walked with his wife.

Didn't he know?

I shook my head. He walked quickly out until we were in the park, then waited for me to come alongside. I looked round. I'd walked every inch of this park and a dozen other places with Elizabeth over the last months.

"I didn't mark your assignment. I thought you might like to review it?"

Review it? Bin it.

It had been hopeless because I was too upset to concentrate for longer than ten minutes at a time.

For thinking of Elizabeth and you, you, you. I look like death. I haven't slept for two nights. I can't eat - I keep being sick. I've got spots. I expect my breath smells awful. And you look wonderful. Don't you care. Doesn't your wife's death mean much to you. A wife who loved you enough to make sure that there was someone to love you when she died. Because she didn't want you to suffer the loneliness that had hit her when Andrew was killed.

"In fact," he startled me, half turning to look at me, "you'd probably better start again. Would you mind? I know you can do really good work and that isn't anywhere near your best I'm afraid."

I nodded miserably. Why was he being so pompous and cold. He'd been friendly and intimate with me for the last eighteen months. He'd never hesitated to tell about life as a brickie, being knocked off his motor bike by Elizabeth. He'd even told me about modelling clothes for Benjamin's friend Tony. And now he wasn't even trying to soften the blow when he told me that the assignment that took me half-a-term was pathetic.

He sighed. "Sarah. I need to talk about some personal things - " he hesitated, " - your relationship with my wife, Elizabeth. You did know her didn't you? Towards the end?"

Of course I did! I probably spent as much time with her as you did - until right at the end. Didn't you know.

I said, "Yes, we used to meet in the park sometimes."

Almost every day, for hours.

"She never mentioned it."

I'd figured that out.

"She must have meant a lot to you. You were in Church."

Yes, weeping my heart out. I just couldn't stop. I'd hoped you wouldn't see.

"I liked her. She was kind to me and she was fun, she was lovely to talk to."

I loved her too.

"Elizabeth changed her will ten days ago. I ought to have told you before. She left you a quarter of the residue of her estate. Over a million pounds."

When the world whirled back into focus I was sitting on a bench with my head between my knees, shaking with cold. Robert seemed miles and miles away.

How very undignified. Oh Elizabeth, what a silly thing to do. You could have left me a thousand pounds - that would have paid off my debts. But I can't take this.

"But her children - they'll hate me - oh this is silly." He was crouching in front of me, not touching me.

Why don't you just put your arms round me. I'm so cold.

He took his coat off and wrapped it round me. Not what I meant!

"No. They won't mind. She originally left me half. Then changed it to leave us a quarter each."

Oh! How can you be so mean - it was her money. Don't you care that I've just fainted!

"I don't care about the money. How could I spend two and a half million? She meant if for you and that means she thought you'd take it. I just worry that you might feel there were strings attached. There aren't you know. It was simply left to you. Should pay off your credit card." He smiled at me.

Fondly? Quiet heart. That way lies despair.

"I'm floundering. I'm sorry. I'm making things worse. Come on. Can you walk? Let's go somewhere warm. You're shivering and you don't look very special." He looked round. "We're not far from my house. We could go there."

Forever, please and never leave you. Get a grip. This is your life and love you're fighting for. Don't think about it without him. If only I didn't feel so ill.

I followed him silently, through the gate, up the path, steps, porch, door opening, closing. Sitting in the sitting room.

Choose the settee, maybe he'll sit with me.

He crouched in front of me and put his hand up and took my hand.

Hold tight, careful not crush his fingers.

My hand was shaking.

"Sarah! I'm terrified that Elizabeth has done something so awful that I'm scared to ask. I loved her and I thought I knew her well. But she had a very bad time when her first husband died. She was..."

I put my finger on his lips to stop him. If he hadn't been holding my hand I'd never have had the courage.

"Look. Just hold me and I'll tell you. I'm frightened too." He looked at me for a long time, then sat beside me and put his arm round me. Then took his jacket off my shoulders and held me again.

Better. At least I could feel a warm person beside me.

"It was after she'd been ill. She came to college and found me - I was in the library. She asked me if I'd come for a walk with her. I could hardly refuse. I felt annoyed - I was part way through a messy bit of looking up, with my fingers in three books - you know."

Don't look at him - just feel that arm round me and keep going. Easy now.

"But the sun was shining. We went into the arboretum and she talked about trees and I think it was about Catherine's boy friend coming into a room and mistaking her for Catherine and kissing her - you know?"

Got to look at him now.

He was looking at me, tenderly perhaps? He nodded.

"She seemed so bright and still not very old. I felt dowdy at first, because she seemed so beautiful at seventy and me, tatty at twenty. All those little stories she told me, all about people, her family, patients, doctors, you. They were all funny, but always kind. And she listened too. I told her everything. And she made me make it interesting too. I walked with her every day that it was fit, sometimes two, three hours. I was hooked. I didn't begrudge a minute - just worked mornings and nights - in fact, I couldn't work properly if she didn't come. I didn't understand why. We went everywhere - places I'd never have gone otherwise and some I don't think she knew about that we just kind of stumbled over. It went on for weeks - months - all summer. Then one day, she rang and said she was ill and couldn't come and would I visit. We used to sit in the conservatory - I never came in the house and I never saw anyone else. We walked when she could and I came here when she couldn't. But she never told me she was dying. Oh! God, I never said goodbye. She knew didn't she, for quite a while?"

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