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The following day after breakfast, I asked mom for her notes. She went upstairs to retrieve her yellow notepad and brought it downstairs, and handed it to me. Each page was neatly labeled by date, time, and activity. The first ten pages had answers written below the questions. It appeared that Bill had taken a lot of time explaining things to her. Some of the questions were rather naive and sometimes comical. I could see Bill had taken each question seriously and gave knowledgeable answers no matter how silly some of the questions would appear to anyone over the age of fifteen.
It appeared that Bill had covered the etiquette of dating extremely well. When I got to the page with questions from their night upstairs, none of the questions had answers. I filled in answers to the ones I thought could be sufficiently answered with just the written word. There were a few other questions that I thought would be better answered in a discussion. I was not ready to tackle a few of them with my mother until I gave them more thought.
There was one question with just one word and a question mark. ’Positions?’ I went out to the kitchen and asked mom what she wanted to know about positions.
“Bill said there were different positions to have intercourse, and I was wondering what they were. He left so fast last night. He did not answer any of my questions.”
I handed her notepad back to her. “I answered most of them for you. Can you read my handwriting?”
“I’m very good at deciphering the scrawl that you call penmanship.”
“Okay, okay, enough about my bad handwriting. Come in the den and I will answer your question about positions.”
We went into the den and sat on the couch. I figured I would start with the basics. “There are four positions that are the most popular. Missionary, cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, and doggy. You need to be familiar with those four. Other positions are variations and fun to experiment with.” I tried to explain the merit and variables of the four positions. I kept looking at mom and all I saw was a quizzical stare. I knew I was failing miserably. I kept stumbling over words that described the more intimate situations. Finding words that would clearly explain everything and not offend her was becoming very difficult for me. Mom listened attentively until I finished botching my first attempt to impart my knowledge in the subject area.
“Those are very colorful names, but I can’t fully grasp what you are trying to explain. Can you demonstrate?”
“Demonstrate?” I asked, sounding confused.
“Yes, demonstrate. Pretend you are having sex with me in each of those positions and show me what I need to do. A demonstration is a very effective teaching method.”
I detected a bit of a rebuke in her voice because she felt she had to explain the obvious to me.
Mom stood up and said, “Come with me,” as she headed upstairs.
I followed, wondering what I had gotten myself into. Maybe I should call up a porn site to show mom. Nope, bad idea Theodore. They don’t make love to the women. Most of the time, it’s a demonstration of men dominating women and ejaculating on various parts of their bodies. Too insensitive. I followed Mom into her bedroom.
Mom was wearing a pair of loose-fitting jeans and a green sweatshirt. She kicked off her sneakers, got up on her bed, and laid down on her back. “Show me the Missionary position first.”
I kicked off my sneakers as I watched my mother position herself in the middle of the bed with her eyes closed, her arms held tightly by her side and her legs spread. My chest started to feel tight. I took a few deep breaths. It helped. I didn’t know how I would get through this without it turning into a humiliating disaster. I took one final deep breath before I climbed onto the bed and positioned myself between her legs. “Open your eyes and look at me.”
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