The ParkersChapter 32 The fun began and it won t stop
- 3 years ago
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"Hold on a minute," I said as we prepared to go ashore.
"What?" like triplets.
"Gimmie a minute," I mumbled the thought over and over, like a dog gnawing on a used up bone until he finds a good spot. "I got it. Who is Olav?"
"The auto-pilot," Wendy said.
"Took ya long enough," Inkeri said, grinning.
"I believe drink took the idea away," I said.
"That's not all it took," Art said, and he snickered.
"What auto-pilot?" I asked.
"The one hooked up to the 'detect, evade and avoid' radar," Wendy said.
"What the hell is that?" I asked. I knew ... but it was another of those Top Secret military items that our scientists had been working on. Sure everybody knew what Radar was. Few ... a very select few ... knew that the Ilmailumääräysten Elektroniikka (Aviation Electronics) lab managed to miniaturize enough to install in a fighter.
I knew, I ran a desk and I was SUPPOSED to know. The scientists who developed it knew ... and ... evidently ... Wendy and the kids knew ... and they WEREN'T supposed to ... know ... ya know?
"What other wild and wooly things has Dal done to our boat?" I asked. I didn't shout ... but I wanted to. Here we were in Sweden ... a country that used to RULE Finland; a country we shared a border with; a country 90% of Suomi speakers also spoke their language. Oh God. Spies and agents behind every tree and snowbank!
"You know," I told my family, "If anyone finds out, we could be shot."
"Find out what?"
"About the radar," I said.
"Oh, remember when the Powers that Be said 22 thousand in the future?"
I nodded ... it was vague but I faintly recall something like that.
"Well, while you were doing manly things with Dal, I stepped into the Ladies and went visiting. They swapped watches with me and loaded me up with the neatest things." She shook her wrist. Sure enough ... wristwatch. "This one does the neatest things ... voice activated ... proprietary user ... LatLon to the inch ... GPS ... weather ... all kinds of things. I was there two weeks."
"Wendy, you walked in the john ... five minutes later you walked out."
"Yeah, great watch." Wendy started laughing.
"What's so funny about getting shot?" I asked.
"Darling, love of my life," she cooed. "The boxes are fake. There's a lot of wiring that leads no where."
"Eww," said the kids. "Mushy stuff."
I glared at them, "I remember when I found out my parents were still having sex after I was born. Very disturbing. They had already produced perfection ... why was a lesser being necessary?"
"Eww!"
"Just wait, you'll find out," Oh my God ... I'm my father! My dad used to say I'd find out ... and I did.
"Girls! Icky!" Artturi said.
"Boys! Icky!" Inkeri said at the exact same moment.
"Art ... if you're not nice to your sister, she won't introduce you to all the hot girls when they turn 15. Inkeri, be nice to your brother ... he's the one who will protect you from the bad boys in school."
"Yes sir," treble and treble.
"Kids ... I was talking to your mother ... butt out."
Inkeri turned around and stuck her butt out. What there was of it.
We turned to the gangplank and I started..."Uhm ... wait. GPS?"
Wendy went into teacher mode. "GPS; Global Positioning System; is a space-based navigation system that provides location and time information in all weather conditions, anywhere on or near the Earth where there is an unobstructed line of sight to four or more GPS satellites. The system provides critical capabilities to watch users around the world."
"You lost me, Satellites? Like the moon? We get information from the moon? What four or more?"
"The Powers that Be have a system of cloaked satellites in orbit around the Earth. They can't be accessed unless there's a Watcher and a watch involved.
"It's not the moon ... the moon is too far away. The Powers that Be have a number of satellites at an altitude of 12 thousand miles circling the Earth every 12 hours. Each one is about the size of a soccer ball and they are continually broadcasting using a bandwidth broadcast that sounds like random space static."
"What kind of batteries?"
"What?"
"What powers the transmitter?"
"They wouldn't tell me."
Ah ... Magic. I thought.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
"Would you guys quit doing that!!" I said.
"Doing what, Daddy?" Ink said.
"Never mind."
"Mommy, Daddy is acting weird," Ink said.
"Again?" and Wendy smiled at Inkeri.
"Oh ... We're not supposed to mention ... Oops," Ink slapped a hand over her mouth and game me a pitying smile. Wendy nodded.
"What?"
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