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[Harper’s journal]
ON THE ROAD
On the road to S-- Julian and I doze in the back seat in happy exhaustion. In truth I am a little sore from our vigorous explorations over the last three days. Julian suffers as well. His enthusiasm matches my own and we threw ourselves happily off the metaphorical precipice in consummating our love. This morning we mounted each other almost until dawn, and I watched the night sky turn grey while Julian held my hips and pinned me in front of my open window. The lightest of cool breezes brushed my breasts and crinkled my nipples as I shook from Julian’s thrusts. He and I are evenly matched.
When I come out of my doze for a moment I see Mom look back at us and smile. She notes our hands entwined and turns to Dad. I can’t hear her whisper but when he checks the rear-view mirror his eyes catch mine and he smiles. They know now, if they did not know before, when Julian stayed overnight with me in my bedroom, but I am proud of our love and I am not ashamed. I smile back and I am content. Julian remains asleep.
We unload my boxes and clothes at the house first. Miriam and Eloise are expected later this afternoon. At Julian’s dorm we brave the frenzy of incoming freshmen, boxes, parents, a grandparent or two, plus an assortment of siblings and welcoming upperclassmen, to reach Julian’s room with our own armfuls of stuff. José Luis, Julian’s roommate, is already there and unpacked. They’re pretty similar in build and appearance, and I know from their emails José Luis is a swimmer like Julian. He’s almost as good-looking. They shake hands and embrace, a little awkwardly, the way boys and men do. I greet José Luis with a hug as well and he responds with enthusiasm. He’s more formal with Mom and Dad.
Just before our final good-byes, Mom and Dad lead us over to a bench under some trees beside the parking lot next to Julian’s dormitory. They sandwich us, Mom on one side, Dad on the other, and I know what is coming. I’m right.
“We know you are special to each other, Julian, Harper,” Mom’s voice is soft, not quite a whisper. She looks each of us in the eye and she pauses to kiss Julian, then me. “We’ve known that for a long time and we are happy for you.”
Evidently Julian and I have not been as discreet as we thought we were.
“Fred knows, too.”
Julian blinks at this.
“Honor your love,” Dad adds, and he repeats Mom’s look and her kisses.
Mom leans close to Julian and Dad does the same with me. I feel his hand hot on my side just under my left breast. For a second I wonder, what if, but the thought flies away. It leaves an intriguing hint behind.
“Build on it, cherish it, but don’t let it be a cage,” Mom says.
I feel Dad nod before he kisses my cheek again. “This is the time to stretch.” His voice is warm, reassuring and without censure. “So stretch. Open yourself. Let yourself change. Respect each other and yourself by accepting what comes. Let your feelings be your support and your foundation for what you find here.”
“End of lesson,” Mom whispers. I think I hear her giggle. “We love you,” she adds, and once more she kisses Julian first, then me. She kisses each of us again. “That’s from Fred.”
“Yes,” Dad echoes, also in a whisper, and he kisses us. He lingers with Julian as much as he does with me, it’s not my imagination, and he too adds one more from Mama Fred. We stand, the four of us, and Mom and Dad hug me and Julian, full-body hugs, together and separately. They don’t hold back and neither do we.
Before we know it they are back in the car and pulling out of the parking lot. Julian and I are left on the bench, quiet, holding hands. After a minute or two Julian squeezes my hand and turns to me and kisses me. He doesn’t care who might notice. Nor do I.
“I’m hungry,” he says, “let’s find something to eat.”
[Journal excerpts end]
Aeryn
- 18.12.2021
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