Passion.com free porn video

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Alright, neckbeard, it’s time to get you out of the basement. Hose out your pits, scrape the fromunda cheese from your junk, and slap on a button-up shirt. Not the one with the dragons, dipshit, put on that neglected oxford your mom bought you. All set? Now we just need a dating site aimed at horny fucks like you. Let’s take a look at Passion.com.

Just Look At This Ripped, Shirtless Dude

The first thing you’ll see when you hit Passion’s landing page is a shirtless guy. His pants and drawers are hanging way down, further exposing his toned physique. Dude clearly works out. I thought for a moment I’d landed on a queer dating site.

Depending on what device you’re using, the chick with her hands wrapped around Mr. Universe might be damn near invisible. On my phone she’s almost faded into the background; on my tablet, she’s pressed way up into the corner, mostly hidden off-screen. I can see her most clearly on a laptop, but she’s still a shadow behind the gay porn stud.

It’s a weird design choice, but I think I get it. They’re trying a little harder to lure in the ladies, because they know horny dudes will flock anywhere they might have even a slight chance of getting laid. That includes dating sites with landing pages stolen from some cheesy romance novel cover.

Passion actually caters to all sexual orientations. Beside the ripped gentleman and his shadowy companion, you’ll find the two questions required to start your membership: who you are, and who you’re looking for. Your options for either are man, woman, TS/TV/TG, group (men and/or women), or couple (with options for man and woman, 2 men, or 2 women).

If you give your device access to your location, Passion will begin stalking you before you even click the Join button. I always set my location on dating/sex sites as the nearest big city, about an hour away, but Passion is already claiming they can find me passion in my specific suburb. If they can really save me a drive, I’m not going to say no.

Meet Beautiful Women and Hopefully Bang Them

Passion flashes stats at you as you’re working through the questions on the sign-up pages. They claim to have more than 250,000 hot member photos, but I immediately have to wonder how they’re separating them from the ugly member photos. My guess is they’re just lying. I’m willing to believe 3,670 new photos are uploaded daily, but I’m skeptical there are really 10,916 members near me.

There’s an asterisk next to that final sum, and at the bottom of the page a link that says *Note About Numbers. Among the jumble of legalese is a mention of the fact that “members” are anybody with an account, including broads who signed up a couple years ago, logged in once, and never came back. That’s not promising.

At the top of the page is a claim that they have 92,100,445 active members. There’s no explanation of what they mean by “active”. I already looked up how many views they get, though, and it’s nowhere close to that. Passion is currently pulling 1.3 million hits a month. It’s a respectable number for most websites but a bit shallow for a worldwide dating pool, and it’s nowhere even remotely close to the 92.1 million they’re claiming.

Good luck choosing a Username without a bunch of random numbers in it. Some fucking assholes already took every variation of ThePornDude I could think of, so I had to use my birth name, which I really hate doing. Privacy concerns, you know? After typing BigDickLord666 in the Username box and choosing a password, Passion finished up with a few questions about my orientation, body type, race, and marital status.

Oh, What? You Want How Much Now?

The confirmation email dropped me off on a page that told me in all caps that I could GET FULL ACCESS WITH A GOLD MEMBERSHIP! Some sample profile shots were spread across the screen, suggesting I’d see topless hotties, naked hotel exhibitionist sluts, and close-ups of bald, slippery cunts. Prices were lined up below, starting at $40 for a monthly membership.

What the fuck? I thought Passion was a free site. That was my impression, anyway. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure they said anything about how much they charged to use the site before I signed up.

Apparently, a Gold Membership gives you full contact access to the “millions of full profiles” I’m still skeptical about. Passion even claims “Gold members get more sexual success”. True, a lot of women find it attractive when men just throw money around, but I haven’t seen any good reason to throw it at Passion specifically.

There’s no button on the page opting to decline the paid experience, perhaps to suggest you have no choice. You can’t pull one over on me that easily, though. I just navigated away from the page. A number 2 next to an envelope icon told me I had messages to read, so it seemed like a good place to start.

Horny, Down-To-Earth Couples and/or Sexy Spambots

Well, holy shit. I received a handful of messages between typing the last few paragraphs and actually reaching my inbox. I figured I’d just have an introductory message or two from Passion. That was actually my first message, but there are half a dozen more.

The second message I got began with “We are a sexually adventurous couple that loves…” That’s all I could see in the preview before it cut off. The sender is supposedly a couple (34M/33F) with what looks like a random string of text for a name and a tiny profile pic of a woman’s hand wrapped around a boner.

It sounds suspiciously like porn spam, but I can’t actually read the message. Clicking it gets me a blurred-out chat box and a message saying I need to upgrade to Gold for “unlimted messaging.”

Most of the message in my inbox are variations of the same thing. Hey everyone! We are a down to earth coupl… Hilf you’re looking for a good time, you foun… We are here to meet new people are like mi…

All the tiny profile pics are filthy amateur pornography. I can’t talk to anybody, though. I don’t want to pay for unlimited messaging. How about some basic limited messaging, you stingy fucks?

Before you get excited about this apparent swingers paradise, I’m calling bullshit. Horny couples and attractive women do not need to message faceless randos on the Internet to get laid. These are probably spam-bots at best, meant to lure you to other websites where you’ll pay for pornography. There’s also a very good chance each message is Step One of a scam. Proceed with caution, and never send money or gifts to someone you’ve never actually met.

Meet Your Sexy Match Or At Least Spend Money

Another message was “Your Sexy Match” from Passion. It’s interesting they’d already matched me with somebody considering I’d entered no real info about myself or even uploaded a pic. It’s a 47-year-old MILF whose profile pic is her massive cleavage in a red dress, though, which is totally my type: female. I clicked the Check Me Out button.

This chick apparently has 10 other pics, but I can’t see any of them yet. The Gold membership prices are back on the screen, as well as some a la carte options. I can Send Flirt for a buck, or View Profile for three.

Maybe I’m a cheap-ass, but even a few bucks is just a little too rich for my blood right now. Damnit, why can't I just get laid for free? If only I had the looks of Brad Pitt, but yeah, plastic surgery isn't going to happen. I just hate to pay for a very basic feature, but yeah, my cock is in control, so you already know what's going to happen!

I’m sure there are actual women on Passion. I’m sure that with enough time, effort, and money you can meet one. You may even be able to bang one. That said, you could also be going on a date with a chick, pay for her food, do a lot of effort and hopefully get lucky... Alright, alright, let me just pay up some cash for this site, sounds easier to me and success guaranteed!

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During a casual conversation about sex with my good friend Lance, I revealed that I had always wanted to have my pussy and ass filled at the same time. So my friend Lance had said he would arrange it. In my mind, I was thinking it was going to take time to find a willing partner, but little did I know he had already lined someone up. Lance and I decided to hit the clubs on a Friday night to see what’s popping since the last time we went out. Of course, being the party people that we are, we had...

Group Sex

The Making of Jesi Part 2

Strange things began to happen over the next several weeks that I did not fully understand. Things I usually chalked up to my being so paranoid. But still I wondered why Uncle Jim had asked me to start addressing him simply as Jim? I had always called him Uncle Jim for as long as I could remember. Coupled with the fact that I found a type written document referencing adult internet sites in the alley behind his home just a few feet from the garbage cans. Was it odd or just very coincidental...

Bisexual

The Birds BeesAnd babysitter

I wish I could have been a normal k** growing up but I had over protective parents, My name is Justin and at the time of this story I was 16 years old. I had been shielded by my parent my whole life, they tried to censor the music I listened too, the TV shows I watched and they would determine which friends I had by they way they looked, If they were wearing a heavy metal shirt or a shirt with swearing on it they told me I wasn't allowed to be friends with them. I had met a girl at school when...

Youre Late Pt 1

At this point in my life, I've been living for the weekends. Friday night came quickly and I was excited to finally get some rest. Some time after 11 PM, I managed to escape from work and drive my twenty minutes home. Luckily, I don't have any pets or people living with me, because my schedule could recklessly vary day to day. I live in a good sized house in the suburbs, quiet and with space. While it sometimes becomes lonely, I try to entertain myself as much as possible. It was 11:40 PM when...

Mature

BoundGangBangs Lily Lane Buxom slut Lily Lane takes all the cock and gets all the cum

Mega-babe Lily Lane is cock hungry and ready to prove what a good slut she is. As she stands with her head locked in a metal cage, she begs the gangbang boys to take a chance on her holes. They rip her dress off to reveal her big tits and rip her panties off to reveal her pretty pussy. Lily convinces them to let her out and she gets down on her knees, eager to get all their cocks in her mouth. She deep throats their cocks and uses her hands to jerk them off. They put her in metal stocks and...

xmoviesforyou

A Helping Hand

He saw her there, sitting on a log a little way off the path by the edge of the river. All he could really see was her long, brown hair where it fell over her head as she leaned forwards, her face in her hands. Her shoulders seemed to be rhythmically moving as though she were crying but, if so, they were silent sobs. He could hear nothing. Still, something in the set of her shoulders said she was in some kind of distress. Perhaps it was the contrast to the wonderful weather. It was mid...

Spy Affair Mission 1

Francine works at Envision Cable outside of Chagrin Falls, Ohio. She knows she is in line for a promotion from a sales rep to supervisor. She is sitting in little cubicle almost done for the day when she witnesses what she did not want to see. “Congratulations Amy on being highly considered for the supervisor position.” A co-worker says to the busty blonde. A few minutes later that same co-worker walks past Francine. “Excuse me, what were you talking to Amy about?” she asks. “Oh, she is the...

Novels

TempestChapter 3

When I woke up, I saw a city appearing though the windshield. We passed a sign welcoming us to St. Louis. The city was huge and cars and trucks where everywhere. The traffic was dense, the sidewalks crowded. We pulled up to an imposing building. It was stone and had a red roof. Over the doorway, I read "Union Station." Legion slid the window open that separated us from the driver. "Take the car to be loaded and bring my overnight bag to my Pullman." "Yes, sir." "Come," He held out...

Tales From Venus Town

TALES FROM VENUS TOWN By Dorothy Strangelovepart one: THE DYING BREEDVenus Town had seen a rebirth in the last ten years. Not on the scale that mankind had seen a rebirth in the last hundred years, but it had brought changes that might as well have been on a grand scale like the revolution and then the third world war all over again for the changes it had made to the poulation. Change was sometimes a good thing, especially where once there had been chaos and hardship. Now the town was seeing a...

Jack and JillChapter 42

"Sara? Are you all right?" What an incredibly stupid thing to say. "What's wrong?" She just rolled over a bit, still clutching her stomach and moaned. Then, "Jack." Almost a cry. I tried picking her up but she was just so much dead weight. "Hang on. I'll be right back." I went into the house and pushed through Mary's door. She didn't even have a chance to cringe before I'd pulled her off the bed by her arm. Dino followed us down the hall and out the side door. "Give me a...

Wow ThanksChapter 12 Snowy Saturday

For Saturday, there was no early schedule, like the previous day, so I was allowed to wander out of my room on my own recognizance, around 8:30. I kind of wished there'd been excuse for Lissa to come in and rouse me as she had the day before, but such was not my luck. Delightfully, and completely contrary to the mild weather of the previous two days, it was snowing outside. That was the upper midwest, behaving uppermidwesternly. Very cozy feeling, inside mysister's modest home. I emerged...

A dream so real

It was about 11:30pm when he pulled up outside her house. Walking to the car, she opened the door and got in. ‘Your car exhaust stinks!’ she stated. He leaned across to give her a kiss on the cheek, laughing. ‘It’s nice to finally meet you, Leah,’ he said. ‘You too, Zeke,’ she replied with a smile. They had started talking online a few weeks back, and finally decided to meet up. It was a relief for the both of them that they actually looked like their profile pictures. Leah was a short...

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