There Can Be Only One Chapter 7
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Your mom was Big Shocked the first time she looked at the website of the same name, probably because she’d grown used to your dad’s little ding-dong and the cheap dildo she bought on Amazon. While many women would be satisfied by these meager members, there are others who prefer something bigger, more elaborate or simply fantastical as all hell. I admit, I do most of my masturbation using my hands or the machine I built out of Pringles cans and old Walkman motors, but sometimes I like to spice it up with something a little more lifelike—or just the opposite.
BigShocked.com is a purveyor of fine fantasy dildos and other atypical sex toys. The company was founded in 2014, inspired by their founder JOOL’s concept of “creating a heterotopia of eroticism”. That’s some highfaluting fancy talk, even for a professional masturbator and pornography scholar like myself, but I think I get the gist: they’re makings sex toys catering to your weirdest, darkest, most secret desires. Any nerd on Etsy can sell casts of their deformed rectal prolapse, but with a hundred thousand visitors every month, I get the feeling these guys ain’t peddling half-ass bullshit. Maybe today I’ll finally upgrade to a sex toy I didn’t make myself, which is what they recommend every time I end up in the ER with my dick stuck in the Hoover.
I’m Big Shocked at These Crazy Dildos
I’m not sure if you know this about me, but your old friend ThePornDude is something of a pervert. For nearly a decade, I’ve spent most of my waking hours shaking my dick at all the kinky corners of the internet. I’m no stranger to oddball niches and obscure fetishes, and I’ve known about dragon dildos and fake horse dicks for a while. They pop up on some of the freakier tubes and the occasional homebrew OnlyFans flick. I always associated them with goth girls and cosplay chicks, but I’ve recently come to realize they’re much more popular than I ever thought.
The subjects of masturbation and sex toys come up frequently when I’m conducting my pre-fucking interviews over on the PornDudeCasting couch. Hitachi wands are a perennial favorite, as are those delicate and nimble fingers pornstars come equipped with. What’s been a real surprise is when they mention fantasy dildos like the ones made by BigShocked. These women have access to some of the biggest, most famous real dicks in the world, but sometimes they’re horny for a genuine monster cock.
While their catalog has expanded beyond crazy-ass fake dongs, they’re arguably still BigShocked’s biggest draw. They’ve got an incredible collection of animal, monster and fantasy dildos. There are 17-inch replicas of the human hog advertised at the top of their front page, but they’re kind of overshadowed by the spectacle of multi-colored silicone tentacles, suction-cup double-penetration dog dongers, and ribbed werewolf schlongs with big balls.
The realism is fucking ridiculous, and I mean that in the best way possible. Big Shocked has shockingly huge dildos modeled after German shepherds, wolves, Doberman pinschers, curly coated retrievers and great danes. I’m actually curious how much research they did and how anatomically correct they are by breed. At the same time, I’m not sure how much it matters; what’s important is that they’re fun to play with.
The Lowdown on Fake Dragon Dicks
Customers can shop BigShocked by function (Big Dildos, Vibrating Dildos, or Anal Dildos), by shape (Animal Dildos, Horse Dildos, Dog Dildos and Alien Dildos), or by a multitude of colors including glow-in-the-dark options. I mean, if you’re going for accuracy, it’d be a fucking shame if you had to pretend your alien abductor/rapist has a non-photoluminescent ovipositor. Big Shocked loves you deviates way too much to let that happen.
Like any good modern website, BigShocked.com lets customers leave star ratings and reviews. (In this day and age, it’s a really fucking bad sign when a website doesn’t include reviews.) I checked out the user write-ups for Barghest Small-Sized Fantasy Wolf Knot Dildo, a scary-looking freak dick with a five-star rating. “Absolutely love this dildo!” wrote one excited visitor. “My hubby wanted to spice things up in the bedroom and I found this! Loved the price and the quality!”
On the same note, I wish you could sort the collection by customer rating like you can on other online shops. They’ve got the other usual options, like sorting by newness or price, so it seems like it’d be relatively simple to implement. The selection of crazy dildos at Big Shocked is so wide that even if you have an idea what you want, those reviews could really help make the decision easier.
Some of the very newest additions to the collection are featured out on the front page. The current crop includes thrusting, vibrating and rotating electronic dildos, sea monster tentacles and a glow-in-the-dark Texas wolf tongue. I really like that their products aren’t just designed to look cool, but to be practical as well. That wolf tongue, for example, is a wild-looking bit of multi-colored silicone, and it’s been “Cleverly contoured to hug your curves which are designed to seek out your G-spot.” It also “Perfectly replicates the delicate and softness of the tongue, and the raised granules increase friction more effectively.” Don’t expect your wife to go back to your boring micropenis anytime soon, pal.
And Something for the Straight Dudes, Too
I’m pretty sure the big sellers at Big Shocked are all those otherworldly dildos, but they’ve got some other stuff that might be of interest to those of you who might not want to stuff your orifices with alien appendages. I’m looking at you, straight guys. You might be interested in the couple dozen high-end male masturbators they sell. These are a step or ten more advanced than that smelly fap sleeve you bought at that highway exit porn store.
Their Masturbators catalog is divided into two broad sections, Auto Masturbators and Realistic Masturbators. I checked out the Auto versions first, and then deleted a joke I’d written in the last paragraph about high prices. For premium sex toys, the prices are really fucking reasonable.
If you’ve perused my reviews of Online Sex Shops and Adult Stores or just done the research yourself, you already know the automated dick strokers usually start around a hundred bucks and rise steeply from there. By contrast, BigShocked’s priciest one is a hundo, with cheaper machines starting at fifty bones. They’ve even got a non-automated Fleshlight knockoff for $30. That’s less than half of what you’d pay for entry models of the big-name toy.
It was a similar story in the Realistic Masturbators aisle. Compared to shops like Tantaly and Joy Love Dolls, some of these silicone lady parts are a fucking steal. They’ve got a realistic mega-ass with vagina and anal openings for forty bucks, and a whole 15-pound disembodied sex torso for a buck twenty. No shit, I’m eyeballing their Fantasy Bent-Over Bubble Butt Mega Stroker, which looks like a good way to spend an evening.
Of course, BigShocked.com is known for its fantasy sex toys. I was hoping to see some weird alien orifices, but maybe the market ain’t quite ready for that just yet. As long as hentai keeps getting more popular, I think we’ll eventually see those, but they do have a couple unusual masturbatory strokers if you’re looking for something weird to put your penis in. The current options include a couple glow-in-the-dark fuck holes with rainbow colors, but I’ve got my fingers crossed for a gropable set of xenomorph boobies with a functional slime pump.
BigShocked.com is an obvious stop if you’re in the market for a fantasy dildo modeled after a dog, a horse, a werewolf, a dragon, an alien or some other non-human creature you’d like to fuck. I’m going to point out the less obvious: their shop’s also a worthwhile stop if you’re looking to upgrade your male sex toys but don’t want to blow the kind of money you would at some of the other high-end sex shops. It’s also the kind of place any curious rubbernecker might want to take a peek at, even if you don’t think monster cocks are really your thing. Who knows? You might find a new kink.
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Thanks to SoCalOvid for his tireless work editing my stories. I am lucky to have him for an editor! Any mistakes you see are mine and mine alone. If you haven’t done so, please read the previous chapters first, the story will be much more enjoyable for you if you do. And please, make sure to open your mind and unlock your heart! *** *** Major lay down by Sam’s bed and watched the men leave his mistress’s room. He put his head on his front paws and closed his eyes. Major’s ears twitched...
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Thief Jenna Sativa breaks into the home of Angela White in the middle of the night. But the person she’s robbing sleeps with one eye open and owns a gun. When Jenna makes a noise sneaking through the gates, Angela wakens from her slumber. The sultry homeowner slips a robe over her naked body, grabs her glock and heads outside to secure the perimeter. Angela combs through each room of the house leading with her pistol and finally gets to her bedroom. There she finds a female thief, barely...
xmoviesforyouPrologueSally sometimes thought that she had married too young. She was practically a c***d herselfwhen she had given birth to her son, Walter. She was still a young teen when she had him so she and her son had more or less, grown up together. She felt muchcloser to Walter in her outlook on life and in so many other important things than with her much older, husband. Her mother had died in c***dbirth so she had no woman to talk to about the feelings she had for her son. She didn't regret having...
Lewd Web! It doesn’t take a federally licensed Porn Dude to notice how many free porn tubes are out there. You’ve got your Pornhubs and xHamsters, and then you’ve got a million wannabes spamming up the web. Most of them are garbage that don’t make the cut around here, but once in a while, a new one pops up with a really fucking good gimmick. Ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you all about LewdWeb.LewdWeb.net is a free sex site with a focus on Internet attention whores: YouTube babes, Twitch...
Free OnlyFans Leak SitesMom had been warning us for weeks that she was planning to toss all of the shit that had been accumulating in the garage. No one showed any interest in the task. Dad avoided it and so did my big brother. He hadn't seen his stuff in years and had disowned it.My big sister (now twenty-two) Annie and I (twenty) had interest in my brothers’ vinyl collection which he'd abandoned. He had a couple of guitars in there also which we'd agreed to each take one. The hard part was digging all the shit...
IncestIt was coming up to Christmas and it was that time of year when all the Christmas parties happen. This year I had started work in the same office as mum, so instead of normally picking her up from them parties I was now going to one. The company had taken everyone to a hotel for dinner and dance night. Being a bit of a distance away and both wanting to drink we stayed about 5 minutes away in a travel lodge. We had only booked the one room but with single beds. Me and mum are pretty close so it...
Hii friends kaise hai aap log, I hope sab ache honge or mujhe miss bhi kar rahe honge friends aajkal schedule bahut busy hai to kuch time nahi nikal pati hu story likhne ke liye.But apne aap ko rok bhi nahi pati to dosto jisne mere purane parts read nahi kiye unse request hai ki wo plz meri old stories read karle jisse wo mere bare me jaan bhi jayenge ki mai kya cheez hu. To dosto mai bata du ki is story me ham apne principal se chude hamne unko seduce kiya because ham yani mai or meri best...
He called me one day to tell me that she had finally left him. Went off to Paris to find herself and wasn’t sure if she was coming back. I figured I would let him mourn a bit and then I would see if he had any interest in me. Well that might have been a mistake as Jim decided to chase anything in a skirt, anything except me. Now Jim was a very handsome man. Dark hair and bright blue eyes. He had a killer smile and a body to die for. He knew he was sexy as hell and sure had many women...
I had taken my sweet wife with me on a business trip. It would be something quick; just some clients to visit at a nearer town and then we could come back home.But I thought Ana would enjoy leaving the big city jungle for a couple days and visiting another little quiet town…The first evening, when I came back to our hotel room after a long day, Anita smiled and kissed me, telling she had seen several young handsome guys as she was having a coffee at the lobby’s bar.Then my naughty wife asked me...
I walked down to the pool. Avril nodded her head hello to me. “Good morning Lily. I hope you slept well.” She was startled by my presence and almost fell off her lounge chair. “Hel…Hello. I didn’t sleep well. I’m a fucking prisoner here. When are you going to let me go? When can I talk to my boyfriend? I’m sure he is wondering where I am.” “I will let you go when the time is right. I will decide that time. If you are good to me, then I promise, I will make that time shorter. But you have to...
There was only another five weeks of classes before the end of the semester; well, before the study break that led into the exams that would be the end of the semester. We all found that time had a habit of shrinking; at the start of each semester, the end of the semester and the exams seemed so distant ... but before we realized it, there was only a matter of weeks left; and a pile of assignments and projects to complete. Having David, Claire and even Garry living next door made the study...