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Honey Play Box

Based on the name, Honey Play Box sounds like it could result in a lot of sticky fingers and messes that are difficult to clean up. After spending the morning perusing the site, I can only confirm that’s true. Not because they’re a literal box full of liquid bee sugar, but because they offer the type of adult toys intended to help you generate your own syrupy emissions. If all goes well, the dudes will be blowing loads of cum and the girls will be squirting. You know, these gizmos might be a...

OtonaJP

I checked out Otona JP this morning, and now I feel like an international pervert. I guess that ain’t any different from a usual day here at ThePornDude, but there’s just something special about getting a delivery from the other side of world, opening the box and then fucking the prize inside. No, this ain’t a mail-order bride emporium, but arguably something even better than that: an Asian sex toy shop the weebs are going to go absolutely nuts for. This ain’t the usual Western selection of...

BigShocked

Your mom was Big Shocked the first time she looked at the website of the same name, probably because she’d grown used to your dad’s little ding-dong and the cheap dildo she bought on Amazon. While many women would be satisfied by these meager members, there are others who prefer something bigger, more elaborate or simply fantastical as all hell. I admit, I do most of my masturbation using my hands or the machine I built out of Pringles cans and old Walkman motors, but sometimes I like to spice...

AcmeJoy

I had a feeling Acme Joy would be my kind of shop. It wasn’t the “Acme” that hooked me in, conjuring up images of grocery stores and Wile E. Coyote’s crazy schemes to catch that fucking Road Runner and finally get some bird pussy. No, it was the “Joy” part of it that got me. Joy can mean a lot of different positive things, including a lot of totally SFW, wholesome types of pleasures, and happiness. Since it was some pervert who sent me the link, though, I knew this would be a more masturbatory...

VenusFun

Venus Fun! Purchasing sex toys (or other paraphernalia) has always been a tricky affair for most people. Most people would prefer it if they didn’t have to go into a sex shop and buy the goods for themselves. Besides, you don’t want to see the cashier that always has dried jizz on his hands fingering your purchases.And you shouldn’t have to do that anyway! If you can buy a car and have it delivered to your home, why the fuck shouldn’t sex toys be the same? They are, and they have been that way...

Ann Summers

AnnSummers! When shopping for sex toys, lingerie, or even something for your BDSM backroom exploits, it’s always important to choose a retailer you can trust. Well, perhaps you enjoy walking into your local sex shop and chatting with the cashier, telling them how you appreciated their nipple clamp suggestions last week, but not everyone is into that.In the 21st century, most people prefer to purchase their sexual paraphernalia discreetly from the comfort of their own homes. But, still, it’s...

Bad Dragon

Oh, you already know what it is, it’s Bad Dragon, and I’m about to pop off. These things have been taking over the market like it’s nobody’s business, and I am not surprised. Bad Dragon, as a company, has changed the shape of the ideal male penis. That’s how fucking influential they’ve become. It is now out of style to have a regularly shaped penis. You have to sport a dragon cock, or else you don’t get the pussy. I have a gigantic penis, so naturally, none of the women I’ve ever fucked have...

PornDudeShop

What do you suppose PornDude Shop has for sale? Is it unlicensed dildos modeled after my schlong, as seen on PornDudeCasting? Perhaps it’s the proprietary blend of herbs, spices, and household chemicals I’ve been developing in my kitchen as an alternative to Viagra or a mass-produced version of the homemade hump machine I built out in the garage. Well, I’m sorry to break it to you folks, but my team of high-powered lawyers already vetoed most of those ideas. So what you’ll find instead is...

Tracys Dog

Tracy’s Dog has got it going on. That’s a song from the early 2000s, if I recall correctly. But I may be a little mixed up on account of this website I was just browsing. They’ve got all kinds of high-tech dick massagers and clit rubbers, and it really got me wondering if it was time to retire the ol’ crusty gym sock in favor of something a bit less abrasive on the ding-dong. As a guy who spends every day reviewing the world’s best porn sites, I could probably use something a little more...

Snifffr

Are you a Snifffr? I’m not talking about some poor sap with a bad case of allergies or a leaky coke nose, either. Nah, I’m talking about those perverts who like to take a big ol’ whiff of a beautiful woman’s used panties, kind of like what I do with every lady who takes them off over on the PornDudeCasting couch. Of course, I consider myself a lucky motherfucker to have all these babes throwing their underwear at me all the time, but what if you aren’t a legitimate pornstar like yours...

The Handy Feeling

A friend recommended The Handy when he heard about my latest visit to the hospital. “Don’t you think it’s time to give up on building your own dick-sucking robot?” he asked. “Maybe it’s time to leave it to the professionals.” I’ve never been one to abandon a dream, but as I applied the prescription salve to the friction burns, I thought, perhaps he’s right.That’s why I spent all morning checking out TheHandy.com, which makes a high-end masturbation gizmo they call “the most advanced sex toy...

VirtualMate

Virtual Mate calls themselves “The World’s First Virtual Intimacy System,” and I immediately wondered what they meant by that. The promise of remote teledildonics has lingered for decades, largely unfulfilled. Still, I have been seeing a lot of new and exciting things happening in the world of high-tech masturbation. The VR gizmos working their way into homes across the globe are one sticky example, but I’ve been curious about the growing number of electronic devices and gadgets that you can...

LoveHoney

Love Honey! Are you still jerking your cock with your bare hand like a fucking caveman? Come on; the future is now. That’s like going out and buying some porno mags or DVDs from a sex shop. There are better ways to blow your load these days. And with all of the money you dumb fucks spend on bullshit stuff like expensive coffee and doujinshi, you could be having the goddamn fap sesh of a lifetime by just investing in a few toys. Yeah, chicks aren’t the only ones who can buy expensive fuck toys...

Kiiroo

Kiiroo describes themselves as “leaders in the sex tech/teledildonics industry since 2013,” a claim that would hold a lot less weight if they didn’t have so many perverts streaming into their website every day. Besides the eager sex toy consumers and curious window-shoppers giving them so much attention, they’ve also earned a handful of awards from such prestigious groups of perverts as XBIZ, AEVC, and Dusk. Between you and me, I’ve had a lifelong love affair with both hands, but I cheat on...

ToyDemon

What comes to mind when you think of a Toy Demon? Maybe you envision a horned little horny dude on your shoulder, telling you to jerk off instead of getting any work done. I imagine a crazy anime monster with a bunch of rubber tits, silicone twats and a handful of vibrating plastic boners. Just based on the sheer variety of weird-ass sex toys on this site I’m looking at, I bet every pervert’s got a different concept of what makes a Toy Demon.Variety is the spice of life, they say, so you’re...

BathMate Direct

Dick pills like Viagra and Cialis are so common these days that we often take them for granted as we pour them into our morning breakfast cereal. It sometimes feels like they’ve been around forever, but you don’t have to be a grandpa to remember when penis pumps were the be-all and end-all of home dick enhancement. The classic tech never went away, though, as evidenced by the longevity of sites like Bathmate Direct.Bathmate was started in 2004, with BathmateDirect.com hitting the web a few...

Lelo

Been getting a lot of alone time lately? Yeah, me too. The coronavirus has made all our lives weird, though as a full-time porn reviewer, I’m kind of used to sitting around at home alone watching anal orgies. This is actually the longest I’ve gone without getting run out of Starbucks for jerking off. Anyway, I bet you’re looking for something to enhance those solitary days, huh? I’ve been browsing Lelo this morning, trying to find some new way to spice up my hourly fap routine.Lelo.com has been...

Vstroker

Pornography and the way people consume it has come a long way from its humble upbringings. From truckers buying nudie mags to keep them occupied during their long drives back in the 70s, to a whole revolution of alternate and taboo pornography emerging out of Europe in the 80s, porn has always evolved its format and content to keep those who demand for it satisfied. As the generations pass, pornography has adapted and changed with each decade in order to keep up with the way the world consumes...

Adam Eve Store

Adam & Eve adult store! Why are you still buying sex toys from that weird, greasy feeling sex shop across town? It’s expensive, the cashier with the combover always gives you that weird look, and you have to carry that black bag back to your car hoping that nobody you know sees you. It fucking sucks. But it doesn’t have to be that way. What if I told you there was an awesome site that could offer discreet delivery and competitive prices with none of the shame? Well, I’ve got just the site...

JList

J-List! Do you want to buy some hentai shit at J List? Sometimes it is not enough to simply watch hours and hours of porn. Sometimes you need a little more than that. A little something special. Something to really step your self-pleasure game up a notch. Hey, there ain’t nothing wrong with using a tool every now and then right? No judgment here.Plus, with Christmas right around the corner, why not treat yourself to something nice? Splurge a little. Splurge on your splooge, that’s what I say....

Lovense

Back in the day when online sex chatting was all the rage, but the internet was still kind of young, I used to use the same line to get girls to fly over to my city to fuck me. They’d get all horny and bothered and they’d want to do me, and I’d say that my anaconda isn’t quite long enough to cross state borders. We both had a laugh and forgot about the whole thing, until she’d show up at my door a few days later, desperate for the cock. This system worked for me, because it got me laid. It’s...

LoveHoney

The front page at Lovehoney says that “Great sex starts with good communication.” To illustrate their point, they’ve got a photo of a couple embracing in their underwear. The dude’s face is hidden, but she looks pretty happy. I wonder if it’s the loving arms wrapped around her that have got her so excited or just the fact that she’s holding a fancy clit stimulator in her free hand. Perhaps the message being communicated is that my dude needs to work on his pussy-licking skills, or maybe they’re...

Amazon Sex Toys

I recently bought my first pocket pussy. Well, to be honest, “pocket pussy” might be a bit of a misnomer for what this was. This thing was huge, definitely not fitting in anyone’s pocket. I did a fair deal of research before settling on one. There is a large range of different types, prices, and qualities to choose from, and I wanted to familiarize myself with a few products before making a final decision. Especially since I would be putting my dick in it. Wouldn’t want to get some shady...

Fleshlight

Looking for male sex toys? Do you own a Flesh Light aka the best male masturbator yet? For many years now Fleshlights have been the most popular masturbation sex toy for men in the market. The ridiculously shaped Fleshlight is basically a flashlight with a fake pussy aka artificial vagina attached to the end, making it easy to hold as you fuck the shit out of it.While the original model consisted of a pussy-flashlight toy, Flesh light has since expanded to many other products such as blowjob...

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