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IT NEVER WORKS

Chapter One

Janice’s Story

They say that it can’t work.

They say that they will always be caught.

They say that no one can ever get away with it.

I say…. They are right!!!!

My name is Janice Brown. I was very happily married to Bryan Brown, a wonderful man. He was an excellent provider, husband, lover and father of both our seven-year-old son, Jess, and our five-year-old daughter, Cindi. I couldn’t have ever asked for a better man to live my life with…. Six foot one, two hundred thirty pounds, muscular and ruggedly handsome. He made his money in construction. He didn’t have to work, being independently wealthy. However, he felts like he had to contribute. So, he still worked as hard as he ever did.

I am a software consultant. I am in charge of a small team of agents that cater to the more elite classes of business we serve…. Something happened the last few weeks that I have to share. Maybe I can save someone else from a lot of pain…

One of the men I manage is named Jarome. He is six foot three, two hundred sixty pounds, incredibly handsome and black. He has a low sexy voice that makes every woman in the room take notice whenever he speaks. He is smart, very well-educated and well-mannered. A real gentleman.

Just a few weeks ago, Jarome and I were sitting in the office celebrating a victory. We had managed to solve a problem for one of our biggest clients. It was one of the toughest projects that we had ever undertaken. Between the two of us, we had tackled the issue and found a solution over three very long and trying weeks.

We were both excited and full of energy to burn. I am not sure if it was me or Jarome who suggested that we go out to a bar to continue to celebrate. Either way, I found myself at a small table in a bar, with this handsome man, sipping a scotch and soda.

The bar had a small dance floor and he asked me to dance. The music was slow and gentle. Of course, I accepted as I loved to dance. For the first time in my marriage, I put my arms around another man, feeling his strong muscular back.

He wrapped his strong arms around me, and I felt wonderful. I cannot tell you why, but I didn’t think of my twelve-year-old marriage. I didn’t think of my husband, the perfect man for me. All I could think of was the handsome man that was holding me on the dance floor.

He danced me around the small floor. I don’t know why, but I pressed myself to him, smashing my smallish breasts to his chest and squeezing myself into him. I could feel his arousal. It made me smile. This man, this big handsome man, wanted me.

I am sure it was my euphoria, not the booze, that made my decision for me. He brought me back to the table and invited me to his apartment. I didn’t hesitate.

Bryan had gone to the state capital to petition new permits for some construction site. Jess and Cindi, our kids, were out of town with their grandparents. I was completely free for the night.

As soon as we got to Jarome’s apartment, we were all over each other. I was naked before I got to the bedroom and so was he. I was pleased that he didn’t have the stereo-typical huge cock for which black men are known. Instead, his was really a little shorter than Roy’s but, when he put it in me, it still felt wonderful.  We made love, we fucked and did a lot of other things till almost four in the morning when we fell asleep.

We woke up around nine and my phone was dead. I had sex with him again before we took a shower and got dressed, then I left to go home.

I have no idea why I never felt guilty or ashamed of what I had done. I took that as a sign of knowing it was the right thing to do…

I smiled almost the whole day. I was so satisfied that I really couldn’t be happier. I took a shower. The kids came home and I made them lunch. They spent the rest of the day in the front room playing Xbox. As long as I had some time to reflect on my passions of the last night, I was just fine with that.

Bryan arrived home about four that afternoon. I made dinner and we ate as a family, as usual. One of the many things I loved about my husband was that he was interested in my work stories. He didn’t dwell on what he did in the capital but, instead, asked me about my day. He was always concerned, and liked me to tell him everything I did, while he was away. He always liked it when I shared my life with him but, for some reason, this time I felt like he was interrogating me. I snapped at him, telling him ‘what I did when he wasn’t around was none of his business’ and ‘if he really cared or gave a shit about me, he would have taken me with him, or not gone at all’. I shoved my plate across the table causing a big scene when it crashed to the floor. Then I stormed off to bed.

Bryan wasn’t in the bed when I woke the next morning. I got up and fixed breakfast for us and the kids and was sitting drinking coffee, looking out the dining room window, when I heard Bryan come into the room. Looking miserable, he sat down with the coffee he had poured.

“Janice, I am sorry. I had no Idea that you wanted to go with me yesterday. I would have taken you in a heartbeat if you had asked. I am really, really sorry Janice….”

I looked at him. “You never think of me. Only of yourself and your precious job. Dammit Bryan…”

I got up and left the room. I berated myself and kept wondering why I was treating my husband this way. He didn’t deserve that. He was a good man and never, ever, had deserved what I was doing to him. Yet for some reason I just couldn’t stop…

The day went on and I decided to make love to my husband that night to make up for the hell I was putting him through. So, after dinner, I went to kiss him and initiate the great sex I was planning for later, but I guess Bryan was hurt more than I thought. He held up his hand, looked at me then said, “Janice? What the hell is going on? I don’t deserve this. I had to go to the capital for those permits or 65 men would be without work on Monday. I love you and have invited you to go with me many times, but you’ve never accepted. What the hell is going on???”

“Nothing is going on Bryan. I have just not been myself. I was bored without you and the kids, and I guess I am taking it out on you. I am sorry Bryan.” I would have kissed him again but he turned his head. “Bryan… what’s up. I am trying to kiss you…”

“Janice…”, he looked at me for some time. “I am going to bed.” He pushed me away from him, stood, and walked up to our room.

I wanted to yell, scream and fight, but I didn’t want to put him through any more than he had already endured. I loved him and wanted him. I waited for a while then went to our room. I got naked and crawled under the covers. I snuggled to him putting his strong calloused hands on my naked breasts. He rolled over. Talk about a cold splash of water to the face.

Monday I was afraid Jarome would make things awkward at work but, to my surprise, he didn’t. He acted just as he normally would. We quickly got back into our problem-solving rhythm. That Friday Jarome asked if I wanted to go out again for a drink. I told him “No”, because the family was home and I needed to be home with them.

My family had a good weekend with all four of us staying around the house. We cleaned up and got a lot of honey do things done. I have to say, I really enjoyed the weekend with Bryan and the kids.

On the Wednesday, Bryan told me he had to leave for Atlanta on Friday because one of his firm’s projects was about to shut down. He told me he wouldn’t be back until Monday, or maybe even Tuesday. He invited me to go along, but I said that I had to work and look after the kids. He told me that my parents were taking the kids for a long weekend at the lake house.

I told him that I would stay home for the weekend, as I had too many things going on at work to take a vacation at this time. I kissed Bryan and thanked him for asking me to go.

Thursday morning, I was so excited that I told Jarome aboutbeing free all weekend. That Friday I packed an overnight bag with plenty of nighties to show off to my new lover. I left work and headed straight to Jarome’s apartment. We didn’t get out of bed until Saturday afternoon.

For the first time since this started, I had begun to feel creepy. Jarome was again phenomenal in bed, but after that he wasn’t anything. Just flat. We shared no interests except sex and work.

Bryan called three times on Saturday, each time asking what I was doing. Once I told him that I was shopping, the second time I said, “Just out for a drive”, and the third time I told him I was in the back yard. I felt terrible about lying to Bryan. After the third call, Jarome started pissing me off. He laughed and made fun of my husband, calling him a cuckold and a chump.

That is when I started to feel uncomfortable and decided to draw a line and leave. I skipped taking a shower, figuring I could have that at home. I had everything packed and was about to leave when Jarome looked at me in confusion. We argued for a moment. He couldn’t figure out why I would walk out on him. I just told him, “I don’t love you Jarome. I love my husband. I want my husband. I don’t want you Jarome.” I turned, walked out the door, and headed home.

It was early evening on Saturday, but almost dark, when I got home. I had been well fucked for the last day and a half so, obviously, I was a bit worn out. As I walked into our bedroom and started unpacking, something didn’t seem quite right.

I had to empty the overnight bag, and put everything away, before my husband returned. There wasn’t much washing to be done as I wore very little of what I had taken to Jarome’s place, to his dismay. I took my dirty clothes to the laundry room and put everything else away. In the laundry, I separated the clothes and started a load. My first load contained my panties, including the ones I was wearing. Jarome came a lot, and always wanted to come in me…. not that I minded, and now I had to clean the evidence of my illicit affair.

I went to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. It was amazing… I felt on top of the world. I had a short time affair with a hot man that knew how to fuck. I ended it, and was now going to recommit to my husband who I loved more than anything in the world.

I called Bryan that night. He was abrupt and put me off quickly. I told him I loved him and couldn’t wait to see him.

He wasn’t due home until Monday or Tuesday, but the kids returned from my parents’ place, and I reconnected with them. They were wonderful kids. I loved them so much. We played and laughed all day Monday.

I called Bryan again on Tuesday and tried to reconnect with him. I even tried to talk dirty and offered him phone sex, but he didn’t seem to want to talk to me. Then I noticed something about our calls after Saturday…. He hadn’t asked me where I was, or what I was doing. I thought that was strange. He didn’t come home on Tuesday…

Wednesday…. I went to work and avoided Jarome like the plague. I had nothing to say to him. We were through. It was about noon on Wednesday that I was called to reception. There was a man there who served me with divorce papers. I left work immediately and rushed straight to the house.

On the dining room table, there was a folder with photos of me and Jarome in several embraces. There was a written report with witness statements and other things that showed just how dirty and disgusting my affair really was. There was a white handkerchief glued to a stick and standing like a flag. On it was written, “The better man won!!!”

My husband, the man I loved, the man I married, the man I wanted to grow old with, the man that gave me my children, the man I ached and longed for, was gone. I had ruined my life.

Chapter two

It had taken three months of fighting tooth and nail, through our lawyers, to finally win a meeting with my husband. I sat in a very uncomfortable chair in a waiting room. Across from me was my husband. He was not smiling or being talkative at all, not that I blamed him. I had ripped his heart out. I wished he would come over and slug me for doing what I did to him… I knew he would never do that though. He had always been too much of a gentleman to ever strike a woman. Even if, like me, she deserved it.

I had just about given up trying to get his attention. We had been there about twenty minutes and he had only scowled at me. Oh, I got a couple of grunts out of him, but that was it. Still, it was more than I deserved…. Truthfully, this was a last-ditch effort to save the marriage that I had destroyed ever so completely. My proverbial ‘Hail Mary pass’, so to speak….  

“I like your suit…,” I said with a pleading smile.

His look told the story. He would rather slap me than talk to me. The thing is… I would have welcomed the slap.

We heard noise down the hall. Three people walked past us. Two of them stepped out the door and then a tall, slender woman came to us and smiled. “Hello, I am Candis. Follow me please.”

We followed the woman to a small room. It had a high back leather chair in it, with a very small love seat. The room was small, richly decorated and had a homey feeling. My husband stood in the middle of the room staring at the unpalatable seating arrangement. “I guess I can stand,” Bryan said determinedly.

I sat on the loveseat to one side, leaving plenty of room for Bryan to sit with me. I knew he would have a hard time with it. We had not spoken since before he had me served with the divorce petition. I knew he wanted nothing to do with me, and I couldn’t blame him. I tried to see myself through his eyes, and I concluded that I would still be upset too. I would have reacted the same way.

I was praying that this meeting could help. I still had no idea of what to expect, but I was told that this woman could fix thirty percent of doomed marriages after adultery. It certainly wasn’t a sure thing and I was footing the bill myself. It was the only way Bryan would go, so I agreed to pay for it all. It was the only thing I could think of doing to try to save our marriage.

“Would you like to tell me why you two are here?” Candis started, after Bryan finally sat on the love seat with, but not touching, me.

Bryan and Candis both looked at me. I looked down. “I cheated on my husband with another man. I hurt him deeply and I regret it. I never wanted that other man, or anyone else, only my husband. I made a huge mistake. I know it was wrong and I should never have done it. I am still not sure why I did.”

That was awkward and embarrassing, I thought. Now that I’ve admitted it, I hope they don’t want details.

Candis turned to Bryan, “Would you like to elaborate?”

I looked at Bryan hoping he would scream at me, strike me, yell, slap me. I didn’t care, as long as he did … something.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stick with white paper stuck to the top of it on a small base…  He handed it to me. Again, it was a white flag and, again, the writing on it said, “The better man won…”

Bryan got up and walked to the door. He turned at the last moment and, looking at Candis, he finally said. “I have to do this for three months, or go to jail… So, I guess I will see you next week.” Then he left. I started to cry.

After I settled down, Candis wasn’t very compassionate with me. She told me that what I did was the single most destructive thing I ever could have done to my marriage. She told me that there were no guarantees, but she would do what she could to get Bryan to participate. She told me that unless he started participating in these sessions, there would be absolutely no hope of reconciliation.

I think I knew that. Hearing that there might be hope, at all, was what I had to hang on to.

Candis started talking to me about my emotional needs. I didn’t know what they were. She gave me a list, then she had me rearrange them in order. She told me that when we compared them to my husband’s, they would be much the same but in a far different order. The chances were that Bryan was not fulfilling some of the needs I had in me and Jarome did for a time.

She told me the good news was that the affair was over, and that I had given Jarome up completely. She told me that there would be no hope if I wanted to keep seeing him at any level. She suggested that I start looking for another job since, if I was still working with Jarome, Bryan would consider him a threat. Bryan might even believe that we were still together.  

I had an excellent job that I didn’t want to quit, but my husband was more important than my job. I told Candis that I would talk to my supervisor about a transfer.

Candis then explained the significance of the white flag.  She told me that, in Bryan’s mind, he competed for me when we met, dated, and he eventually persuaded me to marry him, essentially winning me. He thought the competition was over when we wed. When he found out about the affair, he felt like a loser. Like he lost the only thing that made him a man. He was now questioning his ability as a man, a lover, a provider, and a protector. She then emphasized that, clearly, this was a dangerous time for him.

Then she told me something that scared me. The flag was saying that he believed he had lost and couldn’t win me back. Or that I am not worth fighting for…

I begged her to tell me what to do. She just told me that I should back off but be available if he changed his mind. She also said to stay as far away from Jarome as possible.

She told me that if there were any communications between Bryan and myself to remember several important points. Firstly, that he was angry and hurt. Secondly, that a natural reaction to that condition would be to say ugly things (that she called ‘love busters’) meant to hurt me. Thirdly, she said that I should avoid retaliation at all costs.

I told her that he hadn’t spoken to me since I had been served with the petition for divorce.

She replied that, since we had two children together, we would have to communicate concerning them. She was right. The kids needed to see their father, and I hoped to use that fact to start a line of communication.

She also told me to be careful, because he could become extremely angry and get physically dangerous.

I wanted to tell her I would give him a stick. I hated myself for what I did to my husband and my marriage.

To continue the counseling process, Candis made two further appointments for us. The first appointment was for me alone, to try to understand why I did such a stupid thing. The other appointment was for both of us, to try to talk the pain out and start to rekindle something of our relationship.

She also said she would try to set up an individual appointment for Bryan.

I paid for all three sessions in advance. I only had three months to change Bryan’s mind and for him to take me back. After that, the judge would grant the divorce.

I went home and cried my eyes out again. The next day I talked to my supervisor and told him I wanted a transfer. He insisted that I tell him why and, although I didn’t want mention Jarome, I had to confess everything. There wasn’t any way around it.

As it turned out, Jarome was transferred here after having an affair, with another married woman, at the last place he worked. He was here on probation and, now, would probably be terminated. I begged them not to do that to him. They said that they would take my plea into consideration.

I went home and cried some more.

The day before my individual session with Candis, I learned that Jarome had been terminated for ‘conduct unbecoming’. They wanted me to stay, so I accepted their offer.

During our individual session the next day, Candis relayed some great news. Bryan had attended an individual counseling session, during which he had opened-up to her. She would not tell me what they discussed. She didn’t have to. He was talking. Nothing else mattered.

We returned to the discussion of my emotional needs that Bryan wasn’t fulfilling, but I just couldn’t see any that he didn’t fulfill. I knew that I really wanted to find the reason, and I knew that Bryan was a great husband. I still didn’t know why I cheated.

With all my euphoria, I hoped Bryan would start communicating with me in our group session. However, the only change there was the size of the flags. They kept getting bigger, and he kept walking out.

Five weeks into counseling, Bryan was still walking out. I had a collection of white flags that I so wanted to burn. The kids had been living with me the whole time but, this Friday, they would go to their father’s place to stay for the weekend. I baked a cake to take with them. Yes, I had a motive; lemon cake was one of Bryan’s favorites.

My phone rang and, when I looked, I saw that Bryan was calling. Small glimmers of hope filled my heart as I pressed the ‘answer’ button.

“Bryan?” I said, a little shaky.

“Janice? This is Bryan… I want to know if I could keep the kids till Monday night since I am off Monday?”

My heart raced as I heard the warm tone in his voice. I smiled for the first time in … I don’t know how long … and started to answer him, “Bryan, I don……”.

CRASH…..

I heard a window break in the front room. I gasped and hurried to see what had happened.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I screamed at the large black man who had just stepped through the broken window.

“YOU GOT ME FIRED YOU FUCKING SLUT!!!” Jarome screamed.

I yelled, “Get out, get out, get out !!” Then he grabbed me.

Chapter three

Bryan’s Story:

After the unexpected, unreasonable and unjustified arguments started by Janice, I decided to talk to my dad about the situation. My father referred me to a friend of his, who told me that my wife was likely having an affair. I actually laughed at him.

My dad was a detective for the sheriff’s department. His friend was a P.I.

After a few beers and some laughs, we made a friendly wager. We wagered that, if he investigated Janice and didn’t find anything, he would treat the four of us to a nice seafood dinner at Red Lobster. If she was cheating, I had to pay his bill. The rates were not all that expensive, so I agreed, and told him  just how much I loved Red Lobster.  

We came up with a plan to allow Janice to have some time to herself. I told her that I was going out of town for the weekend.

Afterwards, I felt awful about lying to my wife. I went home on Friday night to apologize for deceiving her. She wasn’t there, of course.

I stayed at the house all night Friday and all morning Saturday, calling her several times and asking her where she was. She blatantly lied to me. Finally, I couldn’t stand to be in the house any longer. I felt sick knowing that she was, almost certainly, cheating on me. I took clothes and some personal items and went to stay at my dad’s house in his guest room. I didn’t tell anyone where I was staying.

I had Janice served with divorce papers on Wednesday.

Janice fought the divorce tooth and nail, telling her lawyer that it was a stupid mistake. I kept pushing the divorce forward. Finally, the judge signed an order forcing me into counseling for three months. I had to attend, or else go to jail for contempt of court.

So, I went to counseling. The order didn’t say I had to participate. When I saw Janice for the first time since her fling, I remembered why I fell in love with her. She was my world for several years. The mother of my children.

I played it cold and cruel. My heart was still broken from when I discovered that, not only was she cheating on me but, I couldn’t compete with the likes of him. I decided to surrender without a fight. I was a beaten man. The feeling of despair would last for a while.

Candis, our therapist, had suggested that I talk with Janice, provided I could keep a civil tongue in my head. I was supposed to pick up the kids after school and have them for the weekend, so thinking of Candis’ advice, I drove to the house early hoping to speak with Janice and clarify some things. After all, we hadn’t really talked since I discovered her affair.

I called her just before arriving at the house, not wanting to sneak up and catch her with someone else.

The telephone conversation was going well, until I heard the sound of glass breaking and Janice screaming. I guess some sort of protective instinct kicked in, because I floored the accelerator and pulled into the driveway seconds later.

I saw the broken window. After opening the glove box and grabbing my taser, I charged into the house. I heard Janice scream and saw Jarome shove her violently to the floor. I grabbed his arm before he could hurt her any more, and swung him around and into a wall. He turned and threw a punch, but I shoved the taser to his chest and activated it.

Jarome screamed and dropped to the floor, kicking and jerking as he fell.

I held the taser to his throat and told him, “One more move mother-fucker and I won’t stop till the batteries die.”

I could hear sirens and realized that one of the neighbors must have called 911.

With Jarome neutralized, I looked for my wife and saw her face down on the ceramic tiles. She wasn’t moving and I saw a lot of blood.

Chapter four

4 weeks later:

I was sitting on that damn little love seat in Candis’ office. I was more relaxed, and in a better mood, than I had been for several weeks.

“How is she?” Candis asked with deep compassion in her voice.

“The same. She is still in a medically induced coma. The swelling in her brain hasn’t come down. We’re still waiting. I will be going back to the hospital after I get done here.”

“Kids?” Candis asked.

“Still back and forth with my and her folks. I get to see them for a while at the hospital. We are getting along well. They are taking it better than I thought they might.”

“Did you go to his arraignment?” Candis asked with a bit of a scowl.

My smile answered the question. “You know I couldn’t miss it.”

She shook her head. “What did you tell the judge?”

If it was possible, my smile got bigger. “I simply told her that I wouldn’t mind, at all, if she let him out on bail, or even on his own recognizance.”

Candis threw her head back and laughed. “What did she say?”

“She said that she would hold him, without bail, and speed up the trial. For his own safety.”

“Are you going to forgive Janice?” she asked.

I had been going to these sessions ever since she was attacked. In my mind, I knew my wife was going to make it. I refused to see it any other way. However, it had been over a month.

“I’ve told you that I would let both of you know, together.” I said, not looking at Candis.

Candis knew the answer. She was toying with me.

Then I said, “I’ve started praying. Telling god that Janice could fuck anyone she wanted, anytime she wanted, if he would just bring her back to me, to us.”

“Bargaining?” Candis asked.

I ignored her question and said, “You know we have a lot to work through to save our marriage. It was more than just the affair. I have to know why she did it. I have to know how to make sure it can never happen again. I have to make damn well sure that…….,” I stopped again. I had done this a few times, as the emotions of what might happen in future would hit me. I wouldn’t ever let them go. 

“Bryan, what if she doesn’t recover?”

“THAT ISNT GOING TO HAPPEN…… SHE WILL GET BETTER AND SHE IS COMING HOME. WHETHER WE ARE TOGETHER OR NOT….” I said fervently. I wouldn’t change my mind. I made sure Candis knew that. She had been trying to prepare me for the possibility that Janice may not come back, but I wouldn’t even consider that outcome.

A little annoyed, I headed back to the hospital after the session with Candis. How dare she make me think that my wife isn’t going to pull through? I drove to the hospital and headed to her room, walking with purpose.

As I passed the nurse’s station, however, one of the nurses called out to me. As soon as she had, all activity in and around the station immediately stopped. I looked at the nurse and saw her sad expression. My lips started to quiver, then my chin, then I could feel the tears start to drip from my eyes. I felt as if my heart was being squeezed. Then everything went gray.

Chapter five

What now:

For the next several months, it was like I was walking through a gray mist. I hugged the kids often and held on to them as tightly as I could. They were the only real things in my life for a while.

I remembered there was a funeral. There were services after, or were they before? Did it matter?

I remembered that Jarome pled guilty to second degree murder and was sentenced to a mandatory fifteen years in a federal prison. They would not tell me which facility.

I moved from my dad’s place back to our family home, so that the kids would have some stability in their lives.

The grandparents wanted to spend every weekend with the kids. I made them take turns every other weekend, and I had the third one to myself.

I managed to establish a pattern. Each weekday morning, I got the kids up and ready for school, got them fed, and drove them to school. After school, I picked them up, took them home, fed them, and helped with their homework. Then we would talk some and watch television until bed time.

One day as I pulled into the school lot, the security guard snapped at me, asking what the hell I was doing there. I snapped right back at him, “I am taking my kids to school fuckwit. What the hell else would I be doing here?”

Then he asked, “On Saturday???”

I remembered going to work each weekday, but not being able to do anything. It was a good thing I owned the business, and that I had some pretty sharp guys helping me run it. They did a good job keeping it together until I could get a grip on myself.

What hurt most was that I hadn’t got to tell Janice I still loved her. I hadn’t got to tell her that I had forgiven her, and that we could get past it. I just needed to hold her, once more, and tell her that she was forgiven. I was very angry with myself, because I had not told her that the affair was as much my fault as hers. I felt that I had failed her.

As time passed, each day seemed to go a little easier. Then, out of the blue, we would miss her like crazy and things would be tough again for a while.

I started working out at a gym, taking my anger out on the barbells and … it helped.

Days turned into weeks, weeks into months, months into years.

I woke up one day and saw that my thirteen-year-old daughter Cindi and my fifteen-year-old son Jess were turning into fine young adults. Their mother would have been so proud.

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