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It’s ten thirty p.m. I’m staring at an empty e-mail inbox while waiting for the microwave to finish nuking my dinner. The empty inbox is no real shocker, but it is a disappointment because the online personal ad I placed three days ago still has yet to produce even a nibble…whoever the hell said you can find anything on the internet obviously never tried to rustle up a date with anything other than a friggin’ porn site….

The whirring stops and the bell dings, signifying that the outer edges of my leftover pizza might actually be warm. I open the door to find my appetite waving “bye-bye” as the thought of re-heated pizza for the fourth meal in a row sets off simultaneous protests from my stomach, taste buds, and the little voice of reason that normally only serves to annoy the shit out of me. Fuck it. I think I’ll go rescue some poor convenience store burrito from spending another long night under a heat lamp.

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