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I’m seriously fucked-up. I was standing in my kitchen today popping popcorn while I poured myself a rum and coke. I put that Captain Morgan Spiced Rum bottle right under my nose and sniffed, and I could have swooned. It smelt like smooth, full heaven. I hardly ever drink. It occurred to me right then, and I even said it out loud… ‘The only thing keeping me from being addicted to cocaine is that I’ve never had any.’

I thought about that while I walked back into the living room with my popcorn to finish my movie. I really think it’s right. I am screwed-up in the head, and only the Grace of God comes between me and being dead every day.

There’s this song I like that says something about being a preacher’s daughter and not doing what ‘daddy taught her.’ I do everything my Daddy taught me, everything except deal drugs and beat my wives. If I drank often enough, I’d become and alcoholic. If I did try cocaine or heroine, I’d probably be hooked. I’ve cheated so much and lied so much about it that I can’t stop lying. Even while I’m doing it, I think to myself that I want to STOP, and I can’t even stop because I’m so mired down in it all that I couldn’t climb back up, no matter how much I want to.

I’m spontaneous to the extreme, and that makes it all worse. I know where to go to get what I want, but if I can’t get it there, I keep going. I keep pushing and asking and looking until I find someone who will give it to me. I might be looking for the kind of satisfaction that doesn’t even satisfy ME, it just makes me feel better to get all of that energy out of my system and pump it into somebody else.

It’s funny because growing up, the one thing I said I would NEVER do was be like my Daddy. Then when I grew up, I found out I was nearly as crazy as he was.

You know what I did last week? I got back home with my husband. He’d been in the hospital sick, and the very next day, I found some excuse to run across town and pick up my… what is he? My ‘boyfriend?’ My married friend I’ve hung out with and ‘cheated on’ (yeah, cheating on top of cheating) for two years now. We went to this place I like with flowers and fish, and we walked down these nature trails. I showed him everything I love above there, kissed him under the gazebo, bent over between some hedges and let him push up my dress and lick my asshole until I squirmed, nearly screamed and felt like my legs were going to buckle underneath me.

Then we went to a hotel, and, even though I’d told him, ‘No sex,’ I knew better, and after he made me come twice with his mouth, I mounted him, grinned, and stuffed his cock up into my pussy. I hadn’t had anything in there in nearly a month, and it was tight and wet. He slid in so easily, but it actually hurt, he stretched me so wide and pushed in so deep.

Friday I went into town again, and he met me after he got off work. Five minutes at the library. We just talked and he made faces at me, and I giggled and guffawed. He makes me feel alive, and I feel like I need the escape lately. He’s my only escape anymore, but I still talk to other people. Last night, after telling him in a text that I wouldn’t look for anybody else while he was sleeping, I let a guy from somewhere up north call me on the phone and talk to me for an hour. It wasn’t about sex at all really, so maybe I am getting better. Maybe I’m settling down to two men instead of five, but why can’t it be one man, the one I’m married to?

I want it to be. Honestly, I do. That’s where me being crazy comes into the picture. I’m sane enough to keep myself straight for a month or two. Usually two months, and then I run back to… somebody to make me feel right again. Lately, for two years except for a really screwed up time last summer, I’ve run to this same man, but he’s married, I’m married, and it’s not like we’re planning to change that.

So we’re just stuck in this confused jumble where we’re crazy in love, he’s jealous of any other guy I even talk to, when things get too scant at home, we meet up somewhere, and he fills me up and makes my pussy feel alright again. I feel like I’m going to be caught in this cycle for the rest of my life.

How fucked-up is that?

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Night of Many Firsts

Night of Many firsts (Part One)Don Abdul ©She was engaged to be married, but a couple of weeks to the wedding, her whole world came crashing down around her, when she received an anonymous tip that took her to a motel on the edge of town. At the motel, she caught her man, and her would-be maid of honor, stepping out from a raunchy fuck fest.....The trauma of that incident and the heartbreak it caused her would have put some other person in a sanatorium. Dawn however is a sister with attitude,...

Bisexual

The Second Wife

I was just a young guy at 18 I wasn't sure of my sexuality, I had lots of feelings about men, and was constantly having fantasies about being in bed with them and treat me as a girlfriend. I envied those girls who I used to hear talk about being fucked by men, I was so jealous. Being a slightly built young man with not much body hair who didn't fit in with other male activities, I tended to hang around with girls or young women.I suppose I must have been flying a flag to those that noticed, but...

Rebel 1777Chapter 29 Six

I think it was just after that when Captain Foster sent me down to the barrens south of Trenton to see about a friend of his. Somehow he had received a message about some kind of trouble so he gave me directions, told me to take three days' rations and go find out what was happening. "This here's a friend, now, remember that," he said with a smile. "And stay out a'her bed. Her man was a good soldier, died bravely on Long Island. Him and me chased the girls together when we was...

All down the line

After going to the sex club a number of times, and taking part in some seriously hot orgies, my girlfriend and I had been invited to join a special group. This group was made up of five other couples, and one Thursday night a month, we had the club all to ourselves.The 12 of us – six guys and six girls, would meet up to fulfill the wildest fantasy of a different member each month. Whosever turn it was, whatever they wanted, the rest of us gave it to them. Tonight, it was out turn.The 12 of...

The Sounds of Sex

I had fixed my red hair in a nice, glamorous style. I had put on light makeup. I had made up my eyes just enough to be sparkling and alluring.I had even put on a pretty, soft, not overly bright red lipstick. Just enough to make my lips irresistible to my husband. Irresistible to his sweet kissing mouth. And irresistible to something else that I really wanted touching my mouth right now.I had also slipped into the same cute lacy-white panties that I had worn on our wedding night, four and a half...

Interracial

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