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It was late on a Friday night, and I was sitting in my room in college, trying to get to grips with my latest creative writing assignment. We had to write a narrative using a regional dialect, either from within the UK or (in deference to the many foreign students who hadn’t been further out of London than the first-year lit trip to Stratford-upon-Avon) another English-speaking nation.

According to my friend Sally, who’d done the option last year, this tended to lead to a lot of bad attempts at Australian dialect based on the students’ daily dose of “Neighbours” or “Home and Away”, which are hardly authentic in my view. I wasn’t particularly enjoying it, since this sort of writing usually comes across as terribly self-conscious and artificial, and I wasn’t finding it at all easy (which I suppose made it a good subject for an assignment – no point in making it too much of a doddle). I was trying to do a Geordie piece, based around a Saturday night in the Bigg Market area in Newcastle. Lots of scope for some interesting dialect there…

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