The Joke That Backfired
- 2 years ago
- 20
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My mind was still dizzy from everything that had happened in the last 24 hours as Mel and I sat silently and held hands while I drove toward her house. I was still trying to figure out how I was going to explain to Ken that I now had a bald pussy. Also, I hoped he didn’t ask where my red nightie was that he so meanly sneaked into my travel bag. Losing that thing to grabby hands, one of which I was holding now, was a memory I would always hold. I realized that the lingerie might be more easily explained than my hairless love box. I could tell him I just forgot to repack it—or gave it to Melanie.
While I was deep in my thoughts I heard Mel say, “AH-OH!”
I looked in the rearview mirror and saw flashing red and blue lights! I exclaimed, “Damn it, I know I wasn’t speeding!” I blinkered and pulled to the side of the road near a vacant lot and stopped the car. I reached between my legs to get my purse and briefly thought about the fact that I didn’t have any panties or bra on.
I rolled the window down as the tall officer approached my driver side. He got to the window and peered in at the two of us as I repeated what I had just said to Mel, “Certainly I wasn’t speeding, officer. Do I have a tail light out or something?”
He bent forward and I saw the square jaw and steely grey eyes of a handsome policeman that you could imagine was hired by a movie director as he appeared to be a cop right out of Central Casting. He had to be at least 6' 5".
“Not speeding, ma’am. Littering.”
I said, “What? Is this some sort of scam?” Mel poked me and whispered, “I threw your blouse out the window back there. Sorry.”
He held my ruined and cum stained blouse up ceremoniously in his finger and thumb like he didn’t want to touch it. “Care to explain this? And why you thought it was fine to make our community’s roadways look like we live in a third world country?”
He shone his flashlight into the car, stopping briefly at my chest and then over to Melanie’s. I almost broke out in a cold sweat hoping that my nipples didn’t show through the sweatshirt. I dared not look down, though.
“Oh, officer. I’m sorry. We had to put oil in the car since I have a leak and… Well, can’t you forgive me this once? It’s not like I do this all the time. It was just an old rag I had in the trunk and…”
“Well, actually it appears you might just do this all the time," he interrupted. “When I called in to say I was going to pull you over for this infraction another officer several miles back saw a car that met the description of this vehicle toss something out. He was going to pull you over but instead, he thought what was tossed out looked a little odd. He investigated the site of the infraction and retrieved a bra… A rather tattered one with the straps broken.”
Unable to keep her voice down, Mel murmured, “Oh, no!”
“I’ll be right back. I need to get my ticket book. Turn off the ignition, ma’am.”
I wiped the sweat off my forehead and realized we both were breathing hard and wondering how I was going to get away with this without Ken finding out. Then I saw the police car pull out from behind us. Was he going to just leave? Was he just trying to scare us? He must have realized that he had bigger fish to fry than harass us for littering.
But he pulled around us slowly and then pulled the car in front of mine and cut off the flashing lights and started to walk back towards us but on the passenger side this time.
“Christ, is he blocking my way? Does he really think I’m stupid enough to make a run for it? From a ticket for littering!”
Mel slowly turned her head toward me and said, “No, stupid. He’s making sure whatever happens next isn’t caught on his dashboard camera.”
He approached Melanie’s side of the car. He was holding a small opaque bottle, like a pill bottle only taller. He unscrewed the top without saying anything and reached inside my car with a cotton swab and rubbed it over the inside of the passenger windshield.
“So I suppose you must have gotten some of that oil spilled on the inside of your car and all over your floorboard, too.” He opened the door and bent down toward the pool of Danny’s cum that was there.
“Excuse me, ma’am.” He lightly pulled Mel’s right leg to the side as his flashlight got a good look at the pearly white cum spot on the floor. He then pointed it between Melanie’s legs. “You look too pretty to be a cross-dresser or trannie.”
Mel sternly said, “I beg your pardon?”
“Oh, come on! We all know this isn’t oil. What kind of a fool do you take me for? It’s just that I thought I’d see a bigger package between your legs through those slacks. You sure got quite a reservoir built up to cause this much ‘oil’. I guess you two hadn’t ‘gotten it on’ yet.” He giggled as he took a swab sample from the floor and deposited it in his (I guess) evidence bottle.
Mel was shaking her head, furious at the accusation. “There’s no ‘package’ in here, you asshole!”
I whispered, “Mel! Don’t piss him off! We’ll end up in jail!”
“Well nobody’s going to call me a guy! I want an apology, officer. Tell me I’m a trannie after you see this!” With that, she leaned back in the seat and raised her ass and unzipped and pulled down her slacks!! Her white panties were still a little wet from her earlier adventure in the back seat and they clung to her pussy so that a definite camel toe was visible as I said, “Oh my god! What are you doing?”
His flashlight shown on her bare thighs and she proudly opened her legs for him to get a better view. There was a frozen silence for what seemed like an eternity.
He smirked. “I don’t suppose that bra they found back there was yours, by chance, ‘young lady’.” The last two words were said very sarcastically.
“Oh, so you want further proof, is that it?” Mel yanked her top up over her tits, her ample chest encased in her white lace bra. When it seemed like that was going to be enough to convince him, he leaned in for a closer look and the light went back to her panties. "Mmm, I don't know. The evidence on this window looks pretty convincing that you..."
Without letting him finish Mel raised up and yanked down her panties. I can attest from personal experience that there's no penis between those lovely legs!
His flashlight danced from one of her hooters to the other and after settling on her pussy he smiled and shook his head. “Damn, I guess my investigative skills need a little more work.” He straightened up as he shut the passenger door and pulled out his ticket book.
“Well, I guess I’ll have to write that ticket. Which one of you wants to show me their license? It seems hard to believe that your driver there threw across your side of the car, ‘MISS’. “ He placed the book on the roof of the car and I assumed he had started to write as I hear him start to giggle. His trim body was inches from the window.
“Mel, give him your license, please. Let’s get out of here while we can without any more trouble.”
She looked out the window and saw that there was a definite pup tent forming in his uniform trousers.
Mel looked at me and shrugged, “My poker playing Daddy always said, ‘In for a dime, in for a dollar.’”
With that, she reached out of the window and unzipped his pants slowly.
“Jesus, Mel!”
She shot me a hateful glance over her shoulder as she tried to whisper, “Oh, shut up, Terri! I told you why he pulled in front of us. Besides, you had all the cock fun with Danny. I think it’s great that you had your adventure. Now it’s my turn. Besides, he has the evidence of what happened. You want him to turn us in? Plus, he wants this to happen… don’t you, stud.”
With that, she probed inside his zipper until she found what she was after and pulled it out. As it sprang forward he groaned his approval and within seconds she had him in her mouth. As she was humming her approval she also reached inside his pants to fondle his balls. He must have had boxers on because it was easy and quick for her to get his balls out from his pants, too.
I bent forward to look at what was transpiring and saw the biggest ball sack I had ever seen! Jesus, it was huge! I started to get a funny feeling between my legs and before I knew what I was doing I parted my legs and stuck my hand up my skirt.
Mel was practically swallowing his long cock and reflexively opening and closing her thighs. With my other hand, I started rubbing her thighs and then her wet pussy. “Go get him, sweetie. I suppose you’re right about me getting all the male attention these last couple of days.”
She pulled his now glistening eight inches out of her mouth and slapped my hand away from her body! “Goddamn it, leave me alone! I’m busy here. You had your fun! My turn! Read a book or something. Get out your own damn license!”
As my jaw dropped I turned red. She was mad at all the attention I had gotten! Two fingers from my left hand worked my wet bald slit. He hadn’t seen Mel naked yet. I wondered if I could turn this trooper on with a little nudie show. On some level, I realized that I was jealous of the attention she had gotten from the cop. He had hardly noticed me so far.
I called out, “Officer, can I interrupt? Before you E-rupt, that is!”
Without coming out of her mouth he leaned across the outside of the windshield and turned his flashlight on me and then down toward my spread legs as I opened my lips wide for him to see my pink pedals and open hole.
He smiled and said, “Nice, but I’m busy with your young girlfriend here.”
I thought, “Fuck that! I can show you young isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” I opened my door and got out. I walked around the car and set my ass on the quarter panel on his right side as Mel stared daggers through me as she sucked him faster and played with his balls.
“Officer, I bet you wondered who that bra belonged to back there. Well, it isn’t hers. She is bigger up top than me, true, but…I plead guilty that it was mine. And I can prove it.” With that, I pulled up my sweatshirt over my tits and smiled.
He looked over and nodded his approval. He started to rock his hips to the rhythm of her sucking and reached over and grabbed my tit with his right hand.
She pulled her mouth off his rock hard cock and said, “Goddamn it, Terri! You nympho!”
I made sure Mel could see me out of the corner of her eye as I stuck my tongue out to her like I was a ten year old. He turned back toward her and moaned at the pleasure he was getting but pinched my nipple in his rough fingers. I pulled away from him playfully and laid back on the hood of my car and pulled my skirt up and spread wide for him, my right thigh touching his.
“Lady, your a fine looking MILF for sure but…if someone drives by, they’ll see what you’re doing. I can sorta disguise being sucked off by this pro here…”
“The name's MELANIE!” she shouted as she pulled back from his boner just long enough to make sure he knew her name.
“…ah, Melanie, right. But ma’am, we can’t let passersby see your pretty pussy.”
I realized I enjoyed that 'MILF' compliment and hoped my body was winning him over. I bet he likes my bald twat better than he would have had he seen it all covered with pubic hair. I need to make sure I thank Penny tomorrow at school.
After what he said he covered my bald cunt with his hand as if to hide it. I grabbed his hand and rubbed it on my now hairless love box…making sure his fingers brushed up against my exposed clit. Within seconds he had two fingers wiggled inside my pussy and his thumb was banging down on my button.
When Mel heard my guttural moan she pretty much knew what must be going on but couldn’t see through the cum-smeared windshield. To divert his attention back to her she pulled her bra up over her big tits and grabbed his left hand and pulled it through the window and clamped it down on her ample boob.
Mel’s sucking increased its tempo as he mauled her tit and nipple while he finger fucked me with ever-increasing vigor.
He threw his head back and with his neck muscles bulging he let out an animal like yell. Mel went from moaning to gagging and choking in an instant. She pulled his dick out of her mouth as his cop cum dribbled from the side of her mouth. She continued to stroke him as she pointed the business end of his cock to the windshield. Several seconds later the second shot of his jizz mingled with Danny’s on the inside of my poor car window and like the high school kid’s, it dripped down onto the floor mat.
He brought both of his hands away from our sexy spots and put himself back together. Without a word to either of us, he took his ticket book off the roof of the car. He tore off the page he had been writing on and crumpled it up and as he walked back to his police car he threw it over his shoulder as a display that we weren’t going to get a ticket after all.
I shouted to his back as he returned to his car, “Hey, are you sure you want to be guilty of littering?”
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Thanks to my usual cast and crew of Editors and Advance Readers, most of whom prefer to pretend that they don’t know me and wisely wish to take no responsibility for any part of my addled writings... Il n’est rien de réel que le rêve et l’amour - Nothing is real but dreams and love (from Le Coeur innombrable, IV, Chanson du temps opportun by Anna de Noailles) She was my one true mistress and ever faithful lover, my Green Lady and guardian of my dreams and now that I was back home...
When the car with Jake in it became a dot on the horizon, Thea turned to go back in the house. Suddenly Floyd appeared. “Mrs. Thea, how you be?” Smiling, she knew immediately what he wanted. He had that look and a glance at his crotch confirmed it. The imprint of his cock was prominent as it pushed against the material. “Looks like everyone is gone.” Floyd said. His eyes looking out over the farm. “Yes, I am by myself for at least the next few days.” She replied in an...
“Well, hell,” Thea said as she wiped the beads of perspiration from her face. “I guess ‘spring’ is here, huh?” “Yeah. It’s supposed to be cooler at higher elevation,” I replied. We took a few minutes in the shade by the rocks before rejoining our boyfriends. The four of us had driven up into the pass to hike. According to the weather report, the last coolness of a fading winter was supposed to continue through mid-week, but they were wrong. Actually, from our view from Eagle Point, where we’d...
Motherless.com! What an original name for a porn site, don't you think? The title doesn't fuck around: your mother would never allow you to watch the kind of filth they’ve got on tap. They pride themselves on being a moral-free zone for sick fucks, where you can find damn near anything. I’m talking about desperate chicks fucking anything that resembles a dick and crazy bitches literally eating shit. When you’re done fapping to the weird vids, you can even find "normal" porno to pass the time....
Free Porn Tube SitesAh, motherless, here we are again. A site known for offering such a variety, that no matter how fucked up your needs are, there is a high chance that you will fulfill them here. However, I am not here to blab about the site in general; I am here to talk about one particular category, interracial. As for those who want to know more about the site, there is a whole different review on my website instead.As for those who came here to learn more about that interracial lovemaking, I got your back....
Interracial Porn SitesThe lad grinned across at me, pleased for the lift. I wasn't going exactly where he wanted, but I could take him to a motorway junction twenty miles short without too much of a detour. He'd have to sort himself out from there: either stand in the cold with his thumb sticking out, like he had before I pulled up, or otherwise pay for a bus.He didn't look like he had a huge amount of money, though."You were in a pretty deserted place to be hitch-hiking," I said. "No wonder you had to wait for so...
Gay MaleWhen Esther had woken up the next morning laying next to Romeo, she almost freaked out, but the all of the memories from the night before flooded into her brain."Oh god." She sat up and looked at Romeo's sleeping figure next to her, his teal hair was tossed about the pillow, and he chest heaved up and down, Damn he is so hot, she thought, I acted kind of crazy last night, her face burned, ugh, what the fuck was wrong with her these days? She felt Romeo's body shift a little and her heart sped...
Theo had been changing into the squirrel too much, he knew that now... as a pulse of heat raced through his body from his groin. He realized that he shouldn't have come to the office.He had been spending most of his days at the squirrel in his home deep in the countryside. Teleworking most of the time, as the squirrel he felt no need for clothes, his heavy furred balls resting between his thighs as his paws raced over the keyboard. The sharp claws on his paws clattering loudly as he typed,...
Fantasy & Sci-FiIt’s time to go to the land of chocolate fountains and golden showers. That’s right. Scat, piss, shit, and every fluid in between. Ever fuck a chick in her ass and freak out when you see that little bit of shit on your dick? Then I’m sorry to say that scat isn’t for you buddy. Were you the only one of your friends that saw two girls one cup and didn’t get grossed out? If so, it’s time to celebrate it! Don’t get pissed off, get pissed on! Scat porn has the craziest, kinkiest chicks and dudes...
Scat Porn SitesI’m not saying anything controversial when I say men love seeing women naked. It’s a fact of life as fundamental as gravity. It’s a force of nature that cannot be stopped by beast, man, or God. It’s an eternal truth and a divine mandate. As sure as the sun will rise, men will attempt to view as many women naked as they possibly can. Any man not doing so is either a sad or a gay one.This means that any woman a man sees regularly is mentally stripped down during every interaction. If any women...
The Fappening‘To me it’s not really a green. When I think green, I think of grass. That’s more like lemonade color.’ Erica’s nose was far too close to the glasses for my taste. Pouring the nearly clear absinthe over the rough-cut, cane-sugar cubes I favor, I tapped my spoon for a second to get her to back up. I wished I had my full setup here like I have at home, my Absinthe fountains water drippers are missed when I began to try and slowly pour water over the sugar cube. ‘Don’t you light it on fire?’ she...
Have you ever heard about a wonderful site called “Motherless”? I have a feeling that was a dumb question, of course, you fucking have. Well, I am here to talk about Motherless, but I shall also pay special attention to their Arab category. If you think Arabian sluts are hot, well you are in for a tasty treat, believe me.First, I should probably warn you that the name of this place comes from the fact that their content might be a bit too hardcore or questionable for some of you. Back in the...
Arab Porn SitesFuck yeah, life’s a bitch! So here I am, awake at 3:45 AM, after dreaming I was fucking this freaking hot MILF neighbor with heavy boobs, a flat tummy, a nice bubble butt, and sexy long legs. It was all hot and steamy, up until when she was sucking me off and just as I was about to obliterate her cute face with hot cum canon, my dream cut right off and I woke up with a tent on my pajamas.That dream ain’t coming back, but damn it! I sure gotta cum, so I boot up my laptop and type “cum facial” in...
Facial Cumshot Porn SitesIt was a warm night in Georgia when I arrived for a very special meeting, This was not about business but it was very important to him as he was coming to meet for the first time his internet “friend”. Shannon his friend was a very subservient women who was proud to be just who she was and although for this first meeting they had something a little different in mind to give her master a new experience. What she didn't know was that I had a surprise for her as well, he was a bit of a romantic...
38 year old Nina was in bed and heard the shower start up. This was going to be great she thought. She had doctored 18 year old Megan’s shampoo with colour, a bright red. It would last for days. Nina listened for the inevitable shriek. Megan would be so embarrassed with her red hair. It would only be another moment but just then Megan passed her bedroom door and Nina realised it wasn’t Megan in the bathroom. Then who was she wondered? There was only her Mum in the house. Then it hit her. Mum...
SpankingUnd draußen schallte wieder Punkmusik aus dem Ghettoblaster – von der Eisenbahnunterführung bis zu seinem Haus! Punks und Skater hingen da ab. Das war diese Art von Jugendlichen, die ihren Eltern das Leben schwer macht , die von Arbeit nichts hielten, sich an keine Regeln hielten, ständig auf Party machten. Die soffen viel zu viel und kotzten dann in irgendeine Ecke. Denen bedeutete doch nichts und niemand etwas. Wahrscheinlich nahmen sie auch Drogen und trieben weiß-Gott-was mit...
BDSMMy name is Jim, and I began my story in "A Joke," which was posted by Agena. If you haven't read that yet, please hunt it down and read it. It'll help you understand this story. Go ahead. I'll wait. In "A Joke," I was torn over what to believe about Flo, my wife of 23 years, and my jokester next-door neighbor, Roger Kubiak. Roger and his pretty, buxom wife Alice had moved into the big house next door about five years ago. In many ways we'd become pretty good friends. We were of...
Motherless is the mother of all porn sites. Motherless has no conscience or moral guide. Motherless will show you the stuff that all other porn sites are afraid to put up. Motherless will do this for free. This is seriously one of the nastiest and raunchiest sites out there and Motherless/Fetish is perhaps one of the dirtiest places on the web that are well within reach. Sure you can scan the dark web and find something even more naughty or puzzlingly gross, but why do that when you’ve got...
Fetish Porn SitesAbsinthe 2: The Absinthe of Malice By Morpheus The flight from Seattle to Boston had been extremely long and uncomfortable, even with the two hour delay in Chicago where I got to stretch my legs and change flights. My book had given me something to do during the countless hours in the air, though admittedly, Collin had been my largest savior from boredom. The two of us had ended up talking for over half the flight, and by the time we finally landed, I was even starting to consider...