MISS RYN: A LIFE EVOLVING - CHAPTER 1 free porn video

CHAPTER 1

‘What are you supposed to do when the last of the best people you have ever known is now gone?’ That was the singular thought that rewound in my brain and heart as I sat among these people. These people were, at least for the most part, good people. Most of them were here only to pay their respects, also. Not all of them, though, and I could pick those out of the group. And it was easy; they didn’t even know I was probably doing it, either. Checking each one of them out individually, that is. You see, I had decided to go ‘retro’ today. Not that it was easy, especially in this part of Alabama, but I was finally able to put the appropriate attire together. I had checked myself in the mirror just prior to leaving the house for the long walk across the mowed yard to this particular location on the side of the hill at the edge of the trees where everyone was gathering. I went full black. My dress, although from fitting, was to the ground. The bodice was fitted, but I was covered to include a buttoned collar. The sleeves were long, to my wrists and disappeared into long, black lace gloves. I wore a brimmed black hat with black lace veil over my face and trailing down my back. My shoes were black flats and I wore black sheer stockings, not panty hose. Not that it mattered, though, because even my shoes were not visible.

So, as I sat looking over the assemble group of people, I was invisible inside the black. It served me well for two reasons. One, I really did want to observe without being observed myself. I know I was considered somewhat eccentric, I know we all were within the estate. I guess that is the result of living a life away from the rest of society, except as necessary for the basics of living. Sure, we interacted with others, even became something of regional benefactors, but it was largely accomplished without letting others into our circle. Second, and the true reason, this woman was more special than any woman I had ever known. She was a mentor, a trusted guide and confidant, a lover and best friend, but mostly, she was the only person who had completely taken my heart and given hers to me. I wasn’t at all sure that I wasn’t going to become a basket-case before the end of this short ceremony.

The ceremony wasn’t really a ceremony. Well, okay, it might be a ceremony of sorts, but what it really was is a memorial. It wasn’t religious. That wouldn’t have sat well with her, much less me. We weren’t religious. We had a spirituality about us, but it was more of the world, the entire world view, and a world view that incorporated a****ls as ourselves. Actually, it was that view that established the precedent for this ceremony. What was happening in this ceremony was putting to rest the remains, ashes really, of Helen Taylor. As peculiar as it may sound, it started with the dogs.

I was sitting alongside a marker that was about two feet high at the lowest side and having a sloped top to about three feet high. On the surface was a plaque containing the names of our loved ones already occupying the small vault in their own urns. In addition to the newly inscribed name of Helen Taylor, was her husband George Taylor, and the man who originally owned the estate and brought me to it, Jacob Thrower. There was room for only one more urn, mine. It might sound morbid, but it wasn’t. It was merely practical. We had determined this was the proper way for us to be interned. The dogs? Across the open vault from where I sat was an identical marker. The plaque on it was covered in names. Inside its vault were the dogs who had enriched our lives. Not all the dogs because we ended up with a few strays. The ones we placed here where those that had become a part of our family, a special part of our lives.

When the first one died, I still remember it clearly, I was beside myself that the custom was to take the carcass out into the woods and bury it in a shallow hole. No! He was far too important to me. Especially at that time in my life at the estate, but that will be better understood later. To appease me, Mr. Thrower created a makeshift marker in this very spot. When the next dog died, he formalized it with the marker that currently exists. That was when we came up with the idea of cremation and using individual containers. No, the dogs did not end up with expensive urns.

My attention was brought back to the ceremony. Various people had stepped forward to address the assembly and me. Miss Helen and I both were on several charity boards. She had been on two, the Baldwin County Humane Society and the k**’s Lighthouse that provides services to v******e and sexual assault to minors. I was on the boards or governing committees of two organizations, also. I suspected I might be asked to take on one of Helen’s. It did not escape us that our involvement in these organizations were true and heartfelt, but reinforced the need to protect from the general public and media what had taken place within this estate. It was so much easier in the days before social media and the internet.

The last speaker had concluded and the people were filing past the vault. I stood at the side of the vault and watched as single white roses were dropped into the vault around the urns. As each rose was dropped, I reached for the next person to shake a hand or give a hug depending on the approach the person initiated.

When the last person walked from the vault, I breathed deeply, a sigh-gasp all in one. I hadn’t even noticed that I was trying so hard, holding myself so tightly. I raised my head up to the sky and cursed the environment we enjoy here. My heart was dark and heavy, my best friend and completely safe confidant was now, once again, alongside her loving husband and the man they had come to this country to care for. A wry smile came to me, fleeting but it came. My early time here, so strange in itself, but I thought Mr. Thrower was just an eccentric old man who liked the idea of servants, and professional ones at that. But, that wasn’t it. Helen and George Taylor were trained in the fine art of service in the best of the British tradition. But, additionally, Mr. Thrower was sick, dying, and really did need the additional care. Now, all three of them are gone, at my feet in their beautifully ornate urns.

That was one of the reasons for the black, including the veil and hat. Yes, I am a bit eccentric myself now, but I also didn’t think it was right; it wasn’t right at all. My heart was heavy, it would have been better for me if the sky was dark or overcast, even slightly chilled. But it wasn’t, it was sunny, nearly cloudless and just on the high side of warm.

“Miss Ryn?” It was tentative, “Can we do something for you Miss?” I knew who it was immediately, without needing to look. But, as my eyes did focus, I found that I had taken a seat on the chair, again, leaning forward, my elbows resting on my knees. I was staring into the vault, but with all this black hiding me that might have been hard to discern.

I bounced up from the chair, knocking it backwards by the sudden and abrupt motion. They were ten feet away, respectfully giving me space, but concerned enough to come to me. These two of all the people who had been here. If I checked toward the house, I was sure to find all the others on the back patio partaking in the after-ceremony reception. But … not these two … these two were the last two men that I truly believed had my back, would protect me, hold my trust as if it were the greatest treasure they could have. I crashed into them, my arms encircling each of their necks, my head coming to rest on one of their shoulders, the other right there, too. I cried. I sobbed. It seemed like a long time. But both of them stood their ground, just holding me, each stroking my shoulders and back. The familiarity of years together.

I felt the hat and veil being removed from me. I opened my eyes and had trouble focusing, at first through the tears. I then recognized that my cheek had landed on Albert, Jesse was the one removing my hat and veil, allowing more comfort for my head against them. I sighed and turned to the other direction, now resting on Jesse’s shoulder. These two … of all the others … these two … I loved these two, they were like family, and that was why I knew it would be these two. The two groundskeepers.

Albert, a big black man of ‘about 35’. He swears it is ‘about’ because he isn’t quite sure what year he was born. He had been with us for 9 years now. He had been divorce by his wife for infidelity. That was when we hired him, put him in treatment for depression, and got him an apartment. He had been married at a young age while in the Army, and was deployed overseas shortly after the birth of their c***d. When he returned, he discovered she had been having affairs with other men. He didn’t bother with getting proof; he was angry, very angry. He decided to ‘show her’ and had his own affair. The problem was that his wife was hoping for that, had him followed, and documented the affair. She then divorced him, got the house, c***d, everything. He left the service as soon as he could and drifted until he answered our ad.

Jesse: I might have thought he was a big man, if not for Albert. Jesse is Hispanic and 33 years old, having been with us for 7 years. As far as we knew, he had never married, but we knew he had a family back in Mexico. Someone very important was there that he never talked about, because he sent a portion of his check back there each pay time. Up until just the last year when he suddenly stopped. He seemed preoccupied for a very short couple of weeks and then was his old self, again. He never brought it up and we never pressed him. We all had our issues and we all understood that some things were best left personal and private.

These men have proven their loyalty. I trusted them completely in anything about the estate or my person. But they weren’t the only ones who had earned my complete trust. Back at the house was Dori, the housekeeper and cook. Dori is a small, trim black woman. Like me, she came from a ‘dirt poor’ family. Like Albert and Jesse, she works in the house three days a week, the same days as Albert and Jesse. She is 31 years old and hired when she was a mere 16 years old nearly 15 years ago. She’s been with us (now me) the longest. She never shared anything of her past, why she ran away, or why she would never even discuss it. She has always seemed well adjusted, if not shy or introverted. I had often wondered if she might open up if she knew something of my background, but I never could figure out an appropriate way to initiate the discussion.

When my tears stopped, and my breathing became more regular and easy, I said, “Thank you. I’m sorry for doing that to you. A silly woman, huh?”

I stepped back, but Jesse held onto my shoulders. He looked to Albert but spoke to me, “No, Miss Ryn. Not you. You give so much, you always have. Miss Helen and George, too. Don’t apologize for feeling what you should. Albert and I … we were just concerned when you didn’t return with the others. We didn’t mean to intrude.”

Albert added his, “We’re sorry if we intruded on your time, Miss Ryn.”

I shook my head at them. “You two. What am I going to do with you?” I took their hands in mine; they were dwarfed in both of them. Albert reached down for my hat and veil that I had already forgotten about. I walked them toward the patio. “I think we could all use some ‘refreshment’.” I squeezed their hands.

When they realized what I intended, Albert stopped, “No, Miss. You know if it were just us, we would race you up there. But, you are different, Miss. This is still the deepest of the South and to most of those people, we are just the hired help. We’ll just go in the side and help Dori. It will be better, but … if you …”

I reached up and put a finger to his lips. I was still holding Jesse’s hand. “I will … in fact, tell Dori that I said to get that special bottle for us to share. You make sure she does it, because she won’t want to. I think this is a good time to open that bottle and you three are the ones I want to share it with.” I waved my arm at the patio, “These will be gone in an hour. Please stay, please. You are all I have left.” Tears came to my eyes, again.

I walked up to the patio and greeted the guests, for they seemed more like guest than mourners. I passed through the crowd greeting them, taking their words, and responding with thanks for their coming. It was so much bull-shit. But, it was what society was. Politics of a wide range would be played out at gatherings such as this, especially where such wealth was gathered. I feigned fatigue to finally get the group back to their cars for the long drive back to the city.

When the last of the cars passed through the gates of the estate, I relaxed and slumped my shoulders and a wave of tears overtook me, again. Why is it that when you are the one hurting that you feel the need to be strong, so the people who should be there to give you comfort instead don’t feel uncomfortable? But, that is the way I have felt. I watched as the last car passed through the gates and I pressed the remote for the gates to close and lock. It had become a habit to watch and make sure the gates closed, so I stood there, tears streaming down my cheeks as I completed this last task.

My focus was such that I was unprepared for the thin arms of Dori as they encircled me from the back. I turned into her, immediately putting my face into her bony shoulder. She just held me and whispered over and over, “There you go, Miss, just let it come out. There you go, Dear, you’re safe now, just let it all out …” When I felt the large, hard body of Albert press into me from the back, adding his own arms around me, my tears and sobs increased. I felt like a c***d being shielded and taken into her mother’s protective embrace where no emotional release need be embarrassing. But, when I felt Jesse embrace us from the side, completing the engulfing of my being into their warmth and love, my release wasn’t just crying or sobbing, it became a wail as my entire being finally released all the hurt, sorrow, and grief from my heart and soul.

They let me be, like their hurting c***d being held, embraced, and soothed with no concern for time or weariness. They let me be, engulfed, surrounded, and smothered in their care, patience, understanding, and love. I nearly went limp, but even if I had, I was supported every way possible, physically from falling and emotionally from self-consciousness or embarrassment. It was some time after I stopped wailing, sobbing, or crying before they broke the circle of support and led me back into the house. We finally had that glass of champagne I had been saving, that special bottle. They protested, of course, right up to the point that the cork went flying and bounced off the ceiling, which brought delight to all of us. It was as if something broke, something broke through the tension of the day, and I finally, at the end of the day, was able to relax and have some peace. Finally, when left alone with the few important people who were remaining in my life.

The next morning when I woke, the sun was up and I lay in bed wondering what I was going to do. For the better part of the past 26 years, there had always been someone in my adult life to tell me what to do. For better or worse, I knew that was me; that was how I was wired. Initially, it was for the worse. It wasn’t until I came to the estate that I found I could actually allow myself to be controlled and still be safe. I have lived that way ever since. At 44 years old, the past 20 years have been a mostly satisfying experience living out my natural tendencies of submissiveness. Sure, much of the outside world saw a strong and confident woman who sat on Boards, easily made decision for charities of various natures. A woman who contributed money in large sums with deliberate and careful analysis. That was the outside woman, the one who struggled and worked hard at presenting an image. The other woman, the woman I was, the woman inside the estate was much different. But, now what I going to do? It had been hard since George died two years ago, leaving Helen and I on our own. She was wonderful for trying but she had her own submissive tendencies. It was like an addiction or a hunger, a desire, a need to be controlled and directed in the most intimate parts of my life. Without that source of control from someone, it was like a withdrawal, something missing that I felt I must have. Needless to say, it had been unsatisfying since then. I resolved finally that age presented a need for change, perhaps. All good things must come to an end? That I needed to evolve? It was like an introvert trying to be a great salesman. The technical aspects of the job might not be terribly challenging to learn, but the people, the constant people. An introvert isn’t wired that way, to always be with people, to talk, to create talk, to make others easy in a situation. An introvert wants to tell people to leave, get away, and stop bothering me. That’s the way I felt. To always be in control, to find my own satisfactions and experiences was for me like a fish to live out of water.

I was on my side staring out the open balcony door of my suite. I love this room. I loved it from the moment I first moved into it, and that wasn’t when I first came to the estate. It was much later. There were French doors that opened out to a small balcony that overlook the pool and patio and the back of the property. The room was large, as all the bedrooms were inside the estate house. The massive bed, dresser, and makeup table occupied a large part of it, but there was also a sitting area that allowed privacy for myself, if I desired it (or was allow it). I was naked, of course. I always slept naked, that was the way they had wanted me when I slept with any of them and it just became my habit. Then, I heard a noise, again. The first time I put it out of my head as just a sound that could be anything, but it wasn’t. There was a sound somewhere in the house. I got up and walked quietly to the hall door, cracked it and listened. At first, there was nothing, and then I could swear I heard a voice, then others. I heard a distinct clang as something metal banged into something metal and it was followed by swearing. Dori? Was that Dori’s voice? Then I heard the distinctive baritone voice of Albert. There is no mistaking that voice. I gently shut the door and leaned up against it. What were Dori and Albert doing here? This was there day off.

I absently reached for my robe hanging by the door and slipped it on. I didn’t even think about it. It was thin, so thin my nipples would show through, and short. It dropped down just past my ass cheeks in back and had a single tie at the waist in front. It held the robe closed but only at that spot. The light, thin material had a tendency to gape and open as I moved. It wasn’t uncommon for my breast to become exposed or my pussy. That was, of course, why I was supposed to wear it. That was from George originally, being the dominant after Mr. Thrower died, but Helen like to see me in it, too. As I said, I didn’t think about it, it was what I put on every morning. So, barefoot, I made my way to the grand stairway of the estate house to the first floor and the kitchen at the side of the house.

I stood at the kitchen door and quietly pushed it open, wanting to see what was happening before I confronted them about using up their free time being here. Dori was at the oven, bent over to take something out. The kitchen table was occupied by two people drinking coffee and trying to discuss something without making too much noise. Jesse was at the table facing the door and noticed it opening. When his attention was fixed on me, Albert turned around while Dori continued to talk. Albert and Jesse now stared at me in surprise as Dori became quite animated in her plea, “I am telling you, she needs our help. I don’t know how we would help exactly, I don’t know about those things, but …”

She must have sensed something in the quiet and glanced over her shoulder. Seeing everyone quiet and fixed on something behind her, she turned the other way and saw me, banged the pan she was holding into the stove and stood up straight.

“Miss Ryn! I’m sorry, Miss, did I wake you with my clumsiness this morning?”

“No, Dori, I was awake. I was just thinking in bed when …” I looked at each of them, “What are you doing here? This is your day off.”

Dori responded first, “We were worried about you, Miss Ryn.”

Jesse stood up and turned to me, “We didn’t want you to be alone this morning.”

I smiled, a little embarrassed, but greatly touched. “Which one of you planned this?”

They looked around at each other, nobody saying anything, until Albert finally volunteered, “Nobody, Miss Ryn. Nobody planned anything. We each just showed up this morning and found each other.”

Now I was deeply touched. Each one had the same sense of need to do something for me even if they didn’t know what that something might be. Tears were again coming to my eyes, tears of thanks and gratitude and love. I walked to each of them, Albert was the closest. I put my arms around his massive body, pulling myself to him and kissed him, for the first time on the lips, “Thank you, Albert. I don’t know what to say.”

I repeated the action to Jesse, and then walked around the table to Dori at the stove who was looking a little tentative about what she had just witnessed. I wasn’t going to back down, though; I wanted to express the same level of gratitude to each of them. After a kiss on her lips, too, I pulled my head back and looked into her eyes and I smiled. She smiled back.

I looked at the oven, which was sitting open. The inside was empty and the oven was turned off, now cooling. The pan she had taken out of the oven was on top of the stove. It appeared to be a soufflé. An idea popped into my head that might help us find an understanding of what they might be thinking without knowing it and what I might need but too nervous to ask for it.

I took Dori by the shoulders and moved her to the table. “You all sit. I will serve you, today.”

Hearing me say that, she spun around and confronted me, “No, Miss Ryn! We serve you!”

I smiled pleasantly but firmly responded, “No, Miss Dori! This time, I serve you!”

I got her to sit, though. She may have been shocked by my reference to her, by my firmness, but she followed my lead and sat. I proceeded to dish up the breakfast and then presented it to each. Finally, taking mine, I sit at the table with them. It is quiet as we eat.

“Why did you say that, Miss Ryn?”

“Why did I call you Miss Dori? Because I respect you, Dori. I do all of you. I respect you, trust you fully, and … I need you. You’ve shown me recently just how much.”

They are sharing glances back and forth; I know someone will eventually address what they are all wondering. It’s Dori, “Miss Ryn, we are wondering what you are going to do now that it is just you here.”

“Are you worried that I might sell the estate and leave?”

She looked a little shocked and looked to the others in surprise, “I … we … never considered that? Are you?”

I laughed and reached across the table and held her hand, “No! Why would I leave? How could I leave? Everything that has been good for me has happened here.” I surveyed the faces around me, “And, I am not alone. At least, I hope I’m not. You’re not thinking of leaving me, are you?”

This was their turn to laugh and I had two sets of hands on my shoulders in support, “No! We feel the same way. You’ve treated us extravagantly all these years and we know it was you. You always told us not to talk about what we make here. Initially, we thought it might be because each of was special and making more. We know that isn’t the case. It was because it might cause trouble for other employers and other workers.”

I tried to look innocent, “How do you know that?”

Dori looked at me and smiled, “Miss Ryn … you trained me to take over parts of the finances of the estate because there just wasn’t much for me to do with just you and Miss Helen. I have seen our finances, Miss Ryn. Generous isn’t the word. There is no word.”

I looked guilty. I thought I had been getting away with padding their accounts. “Well …” I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say, but Albert interrupted me.

“Miss Ryn. You need to know something. Your generosity makes it nice for our future, but that is not the reason we want to be here, why we want to continue to be here, and why we are here this morning.”

Dori jumped in, she seemed excited to add her expression, too. “Miss, the reason you were even able to call me ‘Miss Dori’ without thinking about it, making it a big deal, for it to just flow out of your mouth that is the reason we are here. Because of the woman you are and have allowed us to experience for ourselves, individually and as a group.”

I was shocked when Jesse’s mouth opened and followed along Dori’s thought. Jesse was definitely the most reserved of the bunch. “Miss Ryn, they are all right and we all feel that way about you. You have never treated us as servants or the help. It was and is clear that you trust us to do our jobs and don’t bother us, but you are always available if we need a question or guidance. You made our jobs easier by setting up accounts at stores so we can just get the supplies we need, rather than having to bother you.”

It was back to Dori. “We feel so fortunate to know you, Miss Ryn. We are all outcastes of one form or another, but not to you. The biggest thing? The biggest thing that we talked about the most was all those things you do. You talk to us! You simply walk up to us as we are working, give us a hug, a touch, a helpful assist … if we let you. You’re a real person to us, Miss Ryn, not just an employer.”

Damn. More tears were coming into my eyes and a couple drops ran down my cheek. They looked a little embarrassed. I was feeling a little embarrassed, to be honest. I seemed to be releasing a tremendous amount of affection and appreciation. But, every bit of it was true. And, I now felt free to express it, even needing to express it.

“But, I am intrigued by something I overheard as I entered, before you were aware of me. You three were talking about something, intently, and Dori said, ‘I am telling you, she needs our help. I don’t know how, exactly, I don’t know about those things’. What were you talking about, what specifically do I need your help with, and what are the ‘things’ you don’t know about?”

They were nervous; it must be about something particularly sensitive in their minds. “Guys, come on! After all this, you can’t share something with me? I thought this was all about our trust in each other. Talk to me … please.”

Dori knew it was her words that led to this questioning. “Miss Ryn, it’s just that … suddenly I am less sure of my understanding of the situation. And, it is very personal and sensitive.”

I smiled at her, “My dear Dori, Jesse and Albert …” I was going around the table, “Do you believe how I feel about you?” They all nodded, easily. “Then trust me. Whatever you say, I know it is in the spirit of your concern for me. Even if you are wrong, how can I question the intention?”

Dori took a deep breath, “Miss Ryn, we know you are very sexual and that you have been for as long as we have been here. Okay, you all probably thought you were being discrete for our benefit and for the most part, you were. But, we know things that happen.” She looked to her companions, “I don’t think most employers understand just how much their help knows, even when it isn’t obvious.”

Albert offered, “Although it has been a number of years now, we knew you were with the dogs many days, even sometimes on days we were here. It was clear that you tried to be careful, perhaps not to offend us, but sometimes Jesse and I saw you mating the dogs just inside the woods. We might be a ways off, but we could tell.”

Dori offered her circumstantial evidence, “And, you think I didn’t notice how often only one bed was used? Even when Mister George was here?”

I chuckled to indicate I was caught. “Okay, I admit it, I am sexual. So, what you were talking about is my sexual needs?”

Dori wasn’t done, “Miss Ryn, it isn’t that you are sexual. Heck, lots of people are sexual.” She looked to the others, for support and courage. But, she finally said it, “Miss Ryn, I think you are submissive, maybe even very submissive and that was what Mister George and later Miss Helen gave you. You need someone to guide you, control you in that part of your life. Am I wrong, Miss? If I am wrong, I am sorry.”

I was stunned and I think my face showed it. I didn’t say anything but to look at her for a long time and then at the rest of them. I think the silence unnerved them and that was not what I wanted to project to them, but I didn’t know what to say or do in response. All that I could manage to get out was a stammering series of, “I … I … you … well, I …” without getting anything further. This was certainly not what I was expecting to come out of them. I assumed they merely wanted to assure me that they would be there for me in whatever way they needed to be, that they cared for me as much as I had shown them that I cared for them, and that they wanted to continue that. Then, when the issue of the dogs just came up, I was surprised. Yes, I thought I had been discrete with them. Yes, it was supposed to be obvious to first Mr. Thrower and continue with George and Helen in the continuation of my role forever at the estate. But, I apparently wasn’t as effective in keeping that from these three as I had assumed. It wasn’t that I was ashamed of that, I wasn’t. I was comfortable in my role, but the concern was offending these others who weren’t directly involved.

My head was down in thought, trying to work out my feelings and my reaction. I needed to respond to them, the silence was too long. They had taken my comment to heart, that they should be able to say anything and we would talk it out. They had done that and I could now see why it had taken some effort, they had taken a huge step in faith to bring to the surface the detail of their concern for me. Now, it was clear to me what they meant, ‘what will you do?’ It wasn’t just my emotional state or my possible loneliness; it was also my needs that they had identified. And, even if they didn’t know what to do about helping me with those needs, that part of my personality that needed to respond to direction and control, they went way out on a very flimsy limb to express their desire to do ANYTHING for me.

Tears came to my eyes, again. Jeez, how many times is this going to happen with these three? They continue to bring this out of me. This time, though, it is not their sensitivity to my emotional needs and comfort. This time it is their willingness to take such a risk for me, that they really did trust me this much that they, employees of the household, could confront the lady of the house, a woman that the rest of the local society saw as a confident, if not commanding, influence in a number of charitable causes, but otherwise uninvolved in the community. These three knew why.

For the first time that morning, I became very conscious of how I was dressed among them. My head down, wiping the tears from my eyes, I saw how this thin robe gaped open at the top and how the bottom fell open on either side of my legs. I was used to this robe. I was used to the reason why it was given to me to be worn. That was George and Helen, though, and their interests, intentions, were clear. A single tie at the waist that didn’t allow overlap of the two sides meant that it seemed closed just standing, but gave glimpses of my body otherwise. Suddenly, I was very aware of a sexual tension building within me and I looked up at them, looking at them from the tops of my eyes, my head still downcast. I checked each of their faces and found tension in them, but not like the tension building in me. Their tension was nervousness, if not outright fear that they had expressed too much. Every other emotion and feeling I had been able to identify and express about them was now coalescing into a single all-encompassing emotion … love.

I forced my face up to look into each of their eyes and back to Dori, “No, Miss Dori, you are not wrong. Maybe it was naïve of me to think we were fooling you all, but I thought we were. I thought that was a secret. Do you think less of me now? Now that I admit it to you and validate what you thought?”

Dori, who was sitting across from me, put her hand on my arm and ran her thumb over the top of my hand. “Miss Ryn, we love you. We only want you to be happy. We … although we’ve talked about this very briefly, we don’t … we don’t know … we don’t know what to do for you.”

I stood up and approached each from behind, pressing my body into them, my arms around them, and kissed each on the neck. Not a peck, not a greeting type kiss, but a kiss with heartfelt meaning even if it was on the neck. I came to Albert last and he surprised me. The others seemed almost embarrassed, certainly unsure of how they should react. From Dori her hand came up and touched my cheek as I kissed her. But Albert put both hands up and took hold of my arms around him. As I started to pull back, I realized he was not just touching me, but he was holding me in place, holding me in contact to him.

I first felt his head move and then saw him look to the others and his hands squeezed me tighter. He loosened his hold and I reluctantly backed away, but his continued to touch my arm as he pushed his chair back from the table just a couple feet. Then, he surprised not just me, but the others as well. “Miss Ryn, please sit on my lap.” I lowered my eyes and didn’t look at anyone else, just into the face of this man, this big, powerful, black man. He was one of the darkest black people I have ever seen. If I hesitated, it was for only the slightest moment. I stepped to his side and sat back onto his lap, my legs crossing as I did. “Don’t cross your legs, Miss Ryn.” I uncrossed them immediately and my robe fell open below my waist. My legs were still together so I didn’t show my privates, but the implication of the request and the result of my compliance was immediately apparent to all of them.

“I finally believe you, Dori. I was reluctant before, it seemed too … I don’t know what exactly. Maybe too much for a lady like Miss Ryn. But, now I believe you.” One of his arms was around my shoulders, the other around my waist. He was holding me firmly to him, but the hold was safe and sure. He was not taking the opportunity to touch me. The bottom of my robe was gaped open, a slight indication from him, my legs could have been spread, and I would be fully exposed. The top was gapped by the position I was sitting. I was sure at least a couple of them could see a breast and nipple. I shivered and his hold became slightly more comforting, as though he might have thought the shiver was from being cold on this warm and humid morning. My face was buried in his shoulder; I even wiggled slightly in settling into him. But, it didn’t last long.

“Miss Ryn.” He was getting my attention, so I pushed slightly from his chest and looked at him, and then glanced at the others. I know I was blushing. I had responded to him so easily and that would only happen by trust and comfort. But still … “We want to stay with you; this place is more than a job for us.”

Jesse quickly added, “This is more like an extended family than a job, Miss Ryn.”

Dori smiled at me, then the men, “Miss Ryn, we couldn’t have dared bring up this issue to you unless that was true, unless that was the way we all felt and were convinced that was the way you felt, too.” She looked down at her hands on the surface of the table, and then looked at the men. “You know … we haven’t talked about it, but I think we would all be here if you couldn’t afford to pay us anymore. We know that’s not the case and maybe that statement doesn’t mean much as a result, but it is how we feel.”

I sit up straighter so I can get my arms around Albert, which only stretches the robe opening even more. I am aware of the potential, but I am okay with it now. I kiss his cheek and smile across the table at Jesse and Dori. What a group we are. “That statement means a tremendous amount to me. It isn’t as important what we know in our heads as what we feel in our hearts. And, it seems we all agree about what our hearts feel. But, what does that mean for us?”

“What indeed? We all want to help you, Miss, but we don’t know how? What does it mean for us to help you be happy? It has seemed that since Mister George died, you have been … what would be the word?”

I offered, “Frustrated.”

“Yes, frustrated. I think we can help but we will need your help for us to help you. That sounds weird … but, you know what I mean?”

I smiled at her, still with my arms around Albert, now pulling in tighter. “I do. And, yes, it is awkward. You understand, though, that it means you three will try to challenge me and encourage me into sexual situations, to have sex and to bring pleasure. One of the things about a real submissive is that I want to be challenged, to be put into situations that I might not otherwise be able to do on my own. Another part is that my role is to bring pleasure to others as a primary intention before my own pleasure. In other words, when I am in the role, my purpose is to focus on the person I am serving without concern of my own pleasure. Don’t get me wrong, one almost always leads to the other. Maybe, with the three of you working together, you can do this. Maybe, if we start just among ourselves and see how you feel about it? Is that really what you want?”

The three looked to each other, but I was certain they already knew they wanted to pursue that. They all nodded and I was careful to see each person give their assent. “Okay, but there will have to be some changes in our relationship for this to work. I will still be your employer. Decisions regarding the estate, finances, and large expenditures will still be mine like always. I have responsibilities outside the estate. But, at other times I will be serving you, if you three will be controlling me. It will be awkward perhaps for a while but, if we are true to each other and give each other your consideration and trust in our intentions, it might work.”

They all nodded in agreement, again. I sensed a rising of satisfaction and excitement in the kitchen that this was coming to an agreeable solution. “Another thing, I want you all to live here at the estate. The house has plenty of room. It will facilitate our relationship much better than you being part-time here. And, I believe that is important.”

Now they didn’t agree. The house had to remain mine for when guests and visitors came. They insisted that there couldn’t be evidence of them living in the same house. Some people just wouldn’t understand. I thought about it. I didn’t want to have to fight with them over this and have it cause a problem. The guest house. “Dori, how many rooms are in the guest house? It’s been so long since I have even stepped foot inside it.”

She rattled the rooms off, “There are two nice bedrooms and a bath in each. Then there is a small kitchenette and a little commons area in the middle.”

I thought about it and looked at the others, “We can go look at it, and that could work for the men.” They all lived separately now and didn’t do much when they were home.

I smiled at them. Dori saw it and, “What? What’s that smile for Miss Ryn? We’re still one bedroom short.”

“Okay, but … no fighting me on this … Dori, you will be in the house. You are forgetting the ‘maid’s room’ off the kitchen. It hasn’t been used for years, and is empty and waiting. That is the room I was given when I moved into the house, initially.” That comment caused them a pause, but I continued before they could pursue it further. “Also, you all will spend your free time in the house, on the patio, in the pool, or anywhere else on the estate you want. It is all yours to use. If you want to be quiet to read or listen to music, there are plenty of rooms in the house. We’ll just keep it picked up and any guests coming in won’t be any wiser, if that is your concern.”

They accepted that. They were all nodding, checking each other, and seeming very happy about what had just happened. Although, I was feeling the same sense of wonder and excitement of what was happening, being discussed, and being agreed to, I was nervous. This was all happening so fast and it was such a big step, not just for me, but also for them. They would have to walk the line between being my employee and also controlling me, deciding things and dictating things during our non-public and non-estate affairs times. Me? Well, I was walking the same line between being their boss in some situations and be subject to them in other situations. Were we ready for this change? More to my concern, were they ready for this change, had the implications thoroughly sunk into their minds, yet?

I was watching them and they were watching me. It seemed it was still up to me. I suppose that had to be the way, I was still their employer, they had to know that I was maybe more ready than they were.

“So, you are all ready to do this? You are ready to take control of my body for pleasure?” I tried to take some of the covering off it, tell it like it was. They all nodded enthusiastically. “No, I don’t think so.” They looked devastated.

Albert, who I was still holding turned to me, “Why? I don’t understand, I thought this was going the way that was comfortable for all of us. We thought this was what you would want.”

I kissed his cheek to stop him. I then turned his face to mine and I kiss him on the lips, hard and with passion. I then went to Jesse and did the same thing. “I hope that gives you my real response.” It seemed to because they were both still a bit stunned. Despite all the talk about them helping me, controlling situations to challenge me, we had not talked about sex among ourselves. The guys now felt that.

“I’m not saying no, no. What I am saying is that this is happening very fast. You all need to be sure of what you are thinking about doing. Is this really how you want to be involved? Are you really ready to make the changes necessary for this to work?” I checked each of them and they were thinking about what I had said. “Here is what I propose: Go home and think about what we have talked about. Seriously, though. Think about this, about how you would participate, and what you might do to participate. One thing, though, regardless of what you decide, you have a job here. This does not affect you working here, I want all of you with me, and I hope all of you will participate. But, no pressure. You don’t have to.”

“What about after we think about it? When do we give you our answers?”

“Tomorrow. Any time tomorrow. If you are still good, you can move in tomorrow, too.”

“But, Miss, we all have leases to the next month.”

“I’ll pay for them. I’ll be waiting for your answers tomorrow. Any time you are ready.” I was sending them off when a final thought hit me. “Albert and Jesse! I don’t know how much stuff you all have. If you need a van or truck to fit everyone’s belongs for the move, get one. And you’ll help Dori won’t you?”

They smiled. My expectation of them returning was positive reassurance.

That day went by slowly. I puttered around the kitchen for a while, cleaning up from the breakfast and then mixing a large salad for later. I went for a swim and visited the kennel, just for old times’ sake. Without any dogs, the kennel was lonely. That was a constant for my day and I longed to be able to share that, again. Even if I didn’t end up with someone to share it with actively, at least I might have some watching me, again. I longed for the stimulation of giving others pleasure, visually or actively.

The next morning came and I felt an instant rush. Today should be the day that I find out and, hopefully, some changes take place. I jumped out of bed, grabbed the same robe, and drew it over my naked body. I nearly skipped down the quiet hallway and down the stairs, feeling my breast bouncing underneath the thin fabric. I went straight through the kitchen and to the side door to peer out. Outside is where they would park when they returned this morning. I knew they would be. And beyond the little parking area was the guest house where the men would soon be living. I also knew that would be. There was nothing moving outside, though. But, of course not, it was still quite early.

I moved to the coffee machine, got it started, then to the refrigerator and reheated some of the leftover soufflé from yesterday. I took my coffee and breakfast out to the patio; I was excited and needed some diversion. The outdoors seemed appropriate. When I was finished, I set my cup and plate on the little table and leaned back, slouching slightly in the patio chair. A hawk overhead distracted me for a moment. So free and effortless it seemed. I used to feel like I soared. When George was strong and fully in control, it was amazing. He even got Helen partially converted, but only in the household, never outside our little group. I was smiling. Those were wonderfully exciting times for someone like me. It made me wonder how our little experiment might possibly succeed. George was a natural, just like Mister Thrower. They were sophisticated and devilish. But, maybe … maybe an unsophisticated mind could come up with interesting and different things for someone like me.

I glance down at my lap. I remember yesterday, sitting on Albert’s lap. That was such an exciting start, even if it was seemingly nothing relative to my past. My legs were crossed, that’s the way a lady sits, right? I was holding the robe together. My life might be changing, again. I released my hands from holding the robe in place. It immediately dropped on either side of my legs. I uncrossed my legs, remembering Albert from yesterday. Then, I opened my legs, just a little, then more. Yes, I wanted this, again. To be put into these situations, to be expected to perform, and to be used.

The morning dragged on, but I didn’t want to get dressed. I wanted to greet them and hear their responses, dressed as I was when we had the conversation yesterday. I was puttering around the house, just doing things, not mindful things. I was watering the potted flowers on the patio still barefoot and in my robe when I heard something that sounded every bit like a truck coming up the drive. I put the watering can down and ran to the side of the house. Coming around the bend of the drive to the side was a large U-Haul truck and two cars behind it. I forced myself to walk rather than run towards them.

I stopped nearer the house than the drive and waited. The house was slightly higher than the parking area, not enough to require steps, but I did stand slightly above them as I waited. I realized my feet were antsy, shifting my weight in anticipation, but there was nothing I could do about that now. I was anxious. I was nervous. I needed to know.

I watched as Albert got out of the truck and the others got out of their cars. They gathered before indicating that they noticed me. God, if this was what I think it was, it was a good start. I stood facing them, watching them, and waiting very impatiently.

They turned and faced me, and then they slowly walked toward me. Albert was in front. Apparently, they had made him the lead, their spokesperson. Yes, this would make sense. The reason that he wasn’t with his family; even if he had been set-up, he was comfortable getting a woman, at least at that time. They stopped ten feet from me.

I asked, “What have you …”

But I was stopped. Albert held up his hand, “Stop!” I closed my mouth immediately. He turned to Dori, “Now.” Dori came up to me, glancing nervously at me, but apparently very determined to complete her role in this initial interaction. She was holding a scissors in her hand. She walked up to me, stopped, pulled the tie at my waist, and my robe fell open. She then took each tie and cut it off. She dropped the pieces of cord to the ground and backed up to the others. Albert was smiling. The others were, too.

“Miss Ryn, we like that robe, too.” He smiled broader, “Just not as much with the tie. You are to continue wearing this robe as our favorite.”

I looked down my body. My breasts were still covered, but just barely. The space between my breasts were fully exposed. But, then again, I hadn’t moved, yet. My pussy, though, was completely exposed.

Jesse was next. “Miss Ryn, your pussy hair must be removed. From now on, you are to be hairless below your head. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Sir!”

I walked up to him with my arms spread to receive him in a hug. That was necessary for the hug, but it also exposed me completely to them, including my breasts. I hugged each in turn and asked, “What is you answer?” And each one answered with, “You will be my submissive.” By the last of them, I was smiling broadly.

Dori, though, expressed the obvious, “Miss Ryn, we still don’t know exactly what that means.”

I smiled, “I have a few comments. First, you must call me ‘Ryn’, not ‘Miss Ryn’ except for when I am acting as your employer. You will be ‘Sir’ or ‘Miss’ or ‘Ma’am’ to me. You are the ones in control. Second, you have started well; you took some control and established some expectations. Keep going along that thinking. Remember, you set the rules. You will establish rules for me. You will have no rules. I trust you, there are no boundaries. I will do want you want, when you want it, and how you want it. Third, perhaps, it might help if you truly understood who I am and how I came to become the woman you now know to be Miss Ryn.”

They all three smiled.

“Yes, Ryn, that would be good, especially if it is explicit in detail.” I smiled to myself. Yes, Albert was going to be a quick study.

* * * CHAPTER 2 will follow * * * Thanks for reading.