King Arthur in the Adventures of Cameltoe Part 1
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Chapter5
Arthur’s Story
After dinner I walked the gardens to help digest my food. Despite the fine smells my head was elsewhere. My mind was a filled court politics. Everyone was at each other’s throats.
The problems were building for me now. On top of ruling my kingdom, I had Guinevere heartbroken after being found having an affair, now I had my trusted knight telling me to sack my chief magician.
I couldn’t believe Lancelot wanted to sack my old friend, Merlin. Yes he was as useless as dog muck, but sacking him would be an unbearable heartache. As if by magic, Merlin appeared. “Merlin... I was just thinking of you.”
“Lance is fucking Guin.”
“What?”
“Lancelot, he’s riding your Guinevere.”
“He’s gay.” It then dawn on me that Guinevere had her arse destroyed. “You think he would do something like that?”
“He’s a self serving brutal bastard. After all he wants to get rid of me, doesn’t he? I mean, me, a pillar of society.” Merlin gazed across the courtyard towards a woman breastfeeding her young enfant. “Fuck me, I suddenly have craving for milk.”
“I still think Lance is too loyal and too gay to go behind my back like that.” As the woman changed tits, a jet of milk oozed out from her erect nipple. A white stream dribbled down her pink aureole. I was hypnotised like a cat eyeing a bowl of cream. “My God that child has a thirst on it.”
“Can you blame the kid? If my mum had tits like these I’d be sucking until puberty.”
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “Anyway, Guin might be a tart, she wouldn’t be fucking two guys behind my back.”
“Two?”
“I had to kill my guard this morning. He was rattling her when I wasn’t around.”
“You killed him?”
“I had no choice, as a show of strength.” I continued to stare at the woman. Although she pulled up her blouse, her wet nipple soon soaked through the thin fabric. I suddenly felt the urge to go home and suck on the wife’s tits. “Guin’s adultery taught me a lesion though, only employing guards with erectile dysfunction from now on.”
“Guin will soon cure them.”
“Get lost, Merlin. Anyway, what makes you so sure about Lance?”
“I went for a piss and heard them... in your own room. You need to get the truth out of Guinevere. They’re taking the piss out of you.”
“What..?” I felt devastated. My heart felt ripped apart by those I loved most. I pushed Merlin away and stormed to the royal chambers. “That slut!”
As I stepped through the door Guinevere stood staring out of the bay window. My voice quivered under the emotion.“Tell me, who did you really fuck?”
“The guard, Arthur.”
“Fuck you”
“Arthur, what’s up?”
I grabbed Guinevere’s shoulders. “Tell me the truth, Guin.”
“I...”
“Tell me, or I swear I’ll give you more to worry about than a split arse.”
“Lance. It was Lance.”
I rolled up my sleeves. “Right, where is that cocksucker.”
In the dark and dingy dungeon, I had Lancelot strapped to a wooden crucifix. I could have nailed him to it, put I had misplaced my claw hammer. So I had to settle for our leather belts. Hence he was naked, and I was wearing only my boxer shorts.
Being a king, I always thought that torturing would come natural. But like a virgin schoolboy laying next to a beautiful woman, I suddenly realised I had no idea what to do.“I bet you regret getting a shitty dick now, don’t you?”
“I have never come close to puncturing Guinevere’s rectum.”
“We’ll soon find out.”
“Arthur?”
I folded my arms. “What is it?”
“Sorry to be a pain, but I need a piss.”
“Fuck sake, Lance.”
“Please.”
I pulled off my glove. “You’re just going to have to keep it in until I’m finished.”
“Hurry up then.”
“Right... Did you, or did you not sleep with Guin.”
“Like I said before, no.”
“I don’t believe you.”I guessed now would have been a good time to hit him. So holding my chainmail gauntlet I smashed it across Lancelot’s cock. “You’re a liar.” His squeals delighted me.
“I’m not.”
To my amazement his cock began to grow... and grow. As if I was a tennis champ returning to serve on centre court, I gave his cock and balls a mighty back handed swipe. But to my disbelief Lancelot’s cock now had serious girth. “What the fuck Lance?”
“Hit me again. Come you pussy.”
I didn’t really want to hit it again in case it decided to bite. I picked up a cat and nine tails whip. At least I could strike from distance. “Not smiling now are you?”
“Dude, you have to turn me around for that.”
“It that what Guin told you?”
“I didn’t slip her one. Someone else ploughed her backfield.”
“Guin told me herself. I didn’t even have to threaten her.”
“She’s mistaken.”
“Lance, that woman can see bread crumbs on the carpet from fifty yards. Believe me, if she says it’s you, then it’s you.”
I couldn’t be arsed turning Lancelot around. I leaned back and whipped him across his bare chest. Lancelot’s cries reverberated around the stone walls. The red welts quickly surfaced from his right peck to the left hip. He sobbed like a young child sat on the naughty step. I suddenly realised that punishing your friend is never nice, not even when he had fucked your missus. My heart bled as I listened to his tearful whimpers.“What do you have to say?”
“It wasn’t me, I swear.”
“Fuck me, Lance. Even if it wasn’t, just say so, and I’ll let you go. I’m tired and just want to go to bed.”
“It wasn’t me.”
Pissed off at Lancelot’s stubbornness, I placed the whip back into the cupboard. Torture is a results business and I needed a quick finish. I picked up a branding iron and smiled at Lance and shoved the iron in the hot coals. “You have one last chance.”
“You can’t brand me with a red hot poker?”
“You should have thought that before doing the same to my wife.”
“At first you might appear to be a shit torturer, but your innuendos are fucking painful to listen too.”
Holding the glowing iron with two hands, I carefully turned towards a worried Lancelot. “Right, last chance, did you sleep with Guin?”
“No.”
“Sorry Lance.” I closed my eyes and stepped forward. A cloud of searing steam erupted into my face. My first thought was that it must have been the scalding of Lancelot’s skin. But I opened my eyes to find his cocking hosing piss over my iron, as well as my feet. “Can’t you at least try and comply?”
“I told you, I needed a piss.”
“Right, stay there. I’m going to change into new sandals.”
Drenched in piss, my sandals squelched while I walked down the corridor. Lancelot was a proud man, and I found it hard to believe he would sacrifice his reputation to bang my wife, especially with him being gay. It just doesn’t add up. I needed help.
I noticed that Merlin’s door was ajar. “Merlin?” There was no answer as I pushed open the door. It had been a few years since I had been in Merlin’s quarters and I felt rather curious, plus I might be able to snatch a pair of his sandals.
I pinched my nose as I stepped into Merlin’s room. “Now I remember why I stopped accepting his invitations.” Screwed up tissues lay strewn over the floor and naked drawings of woman were pinned to the walls. “Can tell he’s a bachelor.”
A pair of familiar underwear sat on his pillow. I picked up a writing quill, and fished up the soiled garment. I arched my neck back as I passed it in front of my face. “Yup, they’re Guin’s alright.”The fabric was laced with semen.“She’s fucking him too.”
I shoved the underwear into my pocket for evidence later. Pacing over to Merlin’s desk I noticed his leather bound book of spells lay open. “Let’s see what this fucker has been up to.”
The current page was headed, body switching. “Merlin... you rascal.”
Chapter 6
Merlin’s Story
My magician’s hat leant to one side. The evening sun melted into the horizon while I zigzagged down one of the seedier streets of Cameltoe. Although I appeared drunk and confused, I knew exactly where I was heading.
I stepped into the whore house, but was immediately pushed back onto the street by a big black Rosie. Despite being used to dealing with whores, I found Rosie’s sexual power intimidating... and always left her alone. “What’s wrong?”
“You know God damn well what’s wrong, Merlin.”
I then remembered what happened with Edith in the woods. “I just like to be original, every magician out there can pull a rabbit from a hat. I’m yet to see one that can pull one out of a vagina.”
“Edith was pissing rabbit droppings for a week. If you don’t leave right now, I will make sure you’ll never walk again.”
I felt too pissed to argue. “Fine, I’ll go.”
My night wasn’t ruined I knew what I had to do. It just meant heading back to home to concoct a special brew from my spell book... and find a willing participant.
Potion in hand I searched the shadowy streets looking for the ideal guy to play with. Preferably he had to be asleep so I could find the body again after I was finished. Then it struck me. Berty the night-watchman, he’s the lazy bastard who mans the East Gate... the one person in the town who is as useless as me.
I crept up to the gatehouse and peered through the arrow slit. As I expected, Berty was asleep. I tip toed into a gatehouse perfumed by the smell of whisky.
Stood in front of Berty, I necked the vile tasting potion. Not wanting to waste any more fucking time, I puckered up, closed my eyes, and kissed Berty full on the lips.
My eyes opened to see a sleeping Merlin sat slumped in the gatekeepers chair. My potion had worked, the body swap had been seamless. Time to party.
Back at the whorehouse I knocked on the door and Rosie opened. I nodded, “Evening, Rosie.”
“Not seen you for while, Berty,”
“I haven’t been feeling myself lately.”
“What do you want tonight?”
“Let’s see what I can afford.”I sunk my hand into the pocket of my trousers and pulled out Berty’s wallet. I guessed it must have been payday as it weighed a fair bit. “Is Edith around?”
“No, she’s on sick leave. It’s me or nothing, I’m afraid.”
“You’re going to need a shit load of lube, then.”
The bed was covered in cum stains and smelt like unwashed bodies. But I didn’t care as I have fucked in worse. In a rush I threw off my clothes as if they were burning. I then jumped on the sticky bed and waited for my Rosie, who counted my coins. She was the only black woman I had ever seen. I have no idea how the fuck she got here. All I know is that she makes me stiffer than a Viagra test dummy.
Feeling the cold air on my skin, I thought I better start wanking my shaft before I lose all hope of getting my wicked way. Rosie then dropped her pink robe. Her coffee skin caused me to rub myself like a boy scout on camp. I broke into a sweat and lessened the pace before I contributed to the stains on the bed.
I couldn’t determine whether Rosie was fat or just muscly. Her shoulders were as broad as a bricklayer’s and she possessed a pair of thighs that were beefier than a heifer’s arse. She smiled as she placed the money in a safe box. “Time for me to make you wish you were never born.”
“What did you say?”
“You heard.”
“Not the usual dirty talk, Rosie.”
“I’m pissed off today, Merlin the magician put my highest earner out of order, so I’m not loving men right now.”
I froze. What the fuck had I got myself into? “But... I’m not Merlin.”
“Wrong place at the wrong time, Bert.”
“I’ve been hit by a woman... on many occasions. But Rosie is a giant. Shove a green wig over her afro and she’d pass for an oak tree. So being told that she is going to make me wish I had never been born... Well, made me kinda wish I had penned my will and final testimony. Still, what a way to go out? Come on, better than a failing liver, which was my only alternative.
Now, I know Guinevere has a reputation for owning a nice set of tits. But compare her to Rosie, and poor Guinevere could hide two beer kegs under her top and still appear as flat chested as a ballerina with an eating disorder.
Rosie jumped on the end of the bed, catapulting me into mid air. She then caught me before I hit the mattress. Wrapping me in her cushioned arms, she began crushing me like a repossessed cart.
My face was firmly planted within Rosie’s tit valley. I sunk right down there like a butt plug in a greased up homo. Her tits had me in a head lock and weren’t letting me go.
I panicked and began to flap like a fish. But Rosie wasn’t bothered and threw me over her knee. She then began slapping my bear arse. Every slap shunted my organs and rattled my spine. “Steady on, Rosie, I want to survive to tell the tale.”
“Shut up, Berty, you take what I give you.” Rosie was belting me with hatred in its purest form. Her hands slapped against my reddened skin, thundering like hoofs on cobbles. I kicked my legs in an attempted to wiggle my way free. The pain became unbearable and my eyes leaked tears. “Please... No more.”
“You crying?”
“Sorry...but being slapped like that gave me visions of my abusive father.” I was lying of course. I’m just a wimp.
Rosie picked me up like a rag doll then enveloped me in her huge arms. She hugged me like a bear wrapping his arms around his tree before a climb. My face was lost amongst the masses of chocolate fat. I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of oxygen, or the softness of Rosie’s skin, but I began to feel comfortable. In complete darkness, I could have been a foetus.
Rosie fell back onto the bed, so I was on top. She kept me in her grip. Her large chubby hands began to rub up and down my back. I purred like a loving kitten and burrowed my face even further into her sweet smelling folds. Her hands cured aches that I never knew I had.
I had no fucking clue what was going on.
My erection lay squashed between us. As my body shifted under the weight of Rosie’s rubbing hands, it gave me a sense of copulating. I shuffled down then felt a stroke of luck when my cock found her pussy. Rosie was sopping and my dick slid right in. “I’m plugged in and turned on.”
“Go on, Berty, ride me into the ground.”
Riding a woman of greater dimensions is quite an experience. It really is like riding a horse. You have to balance your weight so you don’t fall off. I grabbed onto her love handles and rode her into battle.
I had reached a gallop when Rosie grabbed my face. “I’m going as quick as I can, Rose.”
“Do me doggy.”
“Give us a minute.”
“I said get off.” The earth trembled under Rosie’s bass filled threat. “Now.” I didn’t have time to have one last stroke before she pushed me with her two hands, sending me flying into the air.
Rosie rolled over on the bed. She then rose up on all fours, creating a wall of brown flesh. I was suddenly reminded of my joke evolving Arthur and his horse.
I’m the first to admit that I’m not the tallest of men. But I’m far from small. So I thought it was taking the piss when I found myself a foot too small to poke my dick into her hole. “Are they all this big in Africa?”
“Think I’m big? Should see the men.”
I sprung up and grabbed onto Rosie’s shoulders, pulling myself up. Hanging on by one hand I guided my cock into her pussy.
Far from fit I began to pant like a dog in the summer. Pushing in and out was exhausting and I couldn’t keep up with her demands. “You’re going to have to lay down, you’re just too big.”
“You cheeky bastard.”
Rosie rolled over and crushed me underneath. Her arse sucked me like a sink plunger. She then began jumping up and down on my cock. Under her weight I felt my bones crumbling to dust. No matter how much I cried out she continued to smash me into mattress.“Rosie... Please.”
“Shut up Berty, I know you like it.”
She had a point... but it fucking hurt.
While she pounded me like turf under carthorse hooves, I watched Rosie’s wings of fat slap up and down like a chicken trying to fly.
I felt relieved when I burst my damn and poured my toxic cum inside. I could not move and lay pinned under Rosie. My dick tickled as my cum began to rain back down. She finally rolled off me, allowing me to breathe. But her body caused her side of the mattress to sink and mine to rise, rolling me back on top. “Don’t get the wrong idea.”
Laying beside Rosie, I felt something settle deep inside. There was something about her that I actually liked. “How many men have you had tonight, Rose?”
“Thirty, maybe thirty five. I gave up counting at lunchtime.”
“Why don’t you give up the job? I can earn a living as a travelling magician, and you can be my glamorous assistant.”
“You know magic?”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t believe I made such an elementary error. “Yeah... Part time, I fit it in around my gatekeeping.”
“I suppose it’s good to have a hobby. I sing gospel around my fucking.”
“Out of interest... have you ever been with a magician? I heard Merlin comes here a lot.”
“Merlin... He’s alright, has a pretty small wand though. Gandalf came in the other week, he’s hung like a battering ram. Stretched me good and proper with all kinds of tricks. I fucked a few of his hobbits too, for half price a go.”
This Gandalf is getting too big for his magic wand. He’s encroaching on my patch... as if middle fucking earth isn’t big enough. I lowered my legs off the bed “Apart from Gandalf, how many magicians have you... let’s use the word, met.”
“I have fucked quite a few actually. They have a thing for black women. I’ve coined the phrase, black magic.”
I felt devastated and climbed from the bed. “I’ll never love again.”
I waved my hand in the air. “It’s fine, you can keep my heart as well. Goodbye.”
Back at the gate house I kissed Merlin, and swapped back to myself... Merlin.
Berty woke up and stared at me. “Merlin... did you just kiss me?”
“I caught you sleeping on the job. Just thought I would scare you.”
“Oh... Right. I feel all funny... must have been the whisky giving me nightmares.”
I snatched the bottle off Bert’s desk. “Probably better that I keep it anyway. Don’t want to fall asleep on job, do you.”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry. Have a good night.”
Under a ghostly moon, I trudged back towards the castle. I took a swig from the bottle before wiping my mouth dry with my sleeve. A figure stood in the shadows, just before the open drawbridge. I figured it was a vigilant guard. “Stand down solider, it’s Merlin.” The person remained sat on the stone wall in silence. As I approached I heard their whimpers. Then it became apparent that it was in fact Guinevere. “Guin?”
“Merlin, my whole life is ruined.”
“How come?”
“I’m addicted to cock.”
I felt intrigued and sat at her side. “Just so happens I have one of those.”
“I want you to help me cure my addiction. I want to be forever loyal to Arthur.”
“Oh.”
“Please help me out.”
I ran my fingers through my gray beard. “How about, you just have one last fling, then I’ll cure you. How about that?”
“You sure that is a wise thing to do? After all, Arthur counts you as his best friend.”
“Arthur can’t be hurt by what he doesn’t know. Now come here, let’s have some fun.” I placed my arm around Guinevere and drew her close to me. “And stop trying to make me feel guilty. I’m trying to help you out here.”
“Merlin.”
“Shush. Now let’s have a suck on those milky tits of yours.”
“Merlin, it’s Arthur.”
“What?”
“I found your book, open at the body switching spell. It’s clear what you have been up too.”
Dread burned inside me. I began to sweat profusely. “Don’t worry I was using it to spy on middle earth, on that bastard Gandalf.”
“Oh, talking about Gandalf, I have employed him as Chief Druid.”
“After all these years?”
“Exactly, after all these years, and you were ready to jump on Guinevere.”
I gazed down at my feet. “I’m sorry.” Curiosity then gained a foothold in my mind. “Hey, I never been in a woman’s body before. What’s it like?”
“Fucking fantastic, been fingering myself nonstop while I was waiting for you to turn up.”
“Come on, let us have a go before you give the body back to Guin.”
“Fuck off, Merlin... that would be just weird.”
“I won’t say anything if you don’t.”
“Nah... I’ll pass on that. You’ll have to ask me when I’m drunk.”
Arthur’s Story
After dinner I walked the gardens to help digest my food. Despite the fine smells my head was elsewhere. My mind was a filled court politics. Everyone was at each other’s throats.
The problems were building for me now. On top of ruling my kingdom, I had Guinevere heartbroken after being found having an affair, now I had my trusted knight telling me to sack my chief magician.
I couldn’t believe Lancelot wanted to sack my old friend, Merlin. Yes he was as useless as dog muck, but sacking him would be an unbearable heartache. As if by magic, Merlin appeared. “Merlin... I was just thinking of you.”
“Lance is fucking Guin.”
“What?”
“Lancelot, he’s riding your Guinevere.”
“He’s gay.” It then dawn on me that Guinevere had her arse destroyed. “You think he would do something like that?”
“He’s a self serving brutal bastard. After all he wants to get rid of me, doesn’t he? I mean, me, a pillar of society.” Merlin gazed across the courtyard towards a woman breastfeeding her young enfant. “Fuck me, I suddenly have craving for milk.”
“I still think Lance is too loyal and too gay to go behind my back like that.” As the woman changed tits, a jet of milk oozed out from her erect nipple. A white stream dribbled down her pink aureole. I was hypnotised like a cat eyeing a bowl of cream. “My God that child has a thirst on it.”
“Can you blame the kid? If my mum had tits like these I’d be sucking until puberty.”
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “Anyway, Guin might be a tart, she wouldn’t be fucking two guys behind my back.”
“Two?”
“I had to kill my guard this morning. He was rattling her when I wasn’t around.”
“You killed him?”
“I had no choice, as a show of strength.” I continued to stare at the woman. Although she pulled up her blouse, her wet nipple soon soaked through the thin fabric. I suddenly felt the urge to go home and suck on the wife’s tits. “Guin’s adultery taught me a lesion though, only employing guards with erectile dysfunction from now on.”
“Guin will soon cure them.”
“Get lost, Merlin. Anyway, what makes you so sure about Lance?”
“I went for a piss and heard them... in your own room. You need to get the truth out of Guinevere. They’re taking the piss out of you.”
“What..?” I felt devastated. My heart felt ripped apart by those I loved most. I pushed Merlin away and stormed to the royal chambers. “That slut!”
As I stepped through the door Guinevere stood staring out of the bay window. My voice quivered under the emotion.“Tell me, who did you really fuck?”
“The guard, Arthur.”
“Fuck you”
“Arthur, what’s up?”
I grabbed Guinevere’s shoulders. “Tell me the truth, Guin.”
“I...”
“Tell me, or I swear I’ll give you more to worry about than a split arse.”
“Lance. It was Lance.”
I rolled up my sleeves. “Right, where is that cocksucker.”
In the dark and dingy dungeon, I had Lancelot strapped to a wooden crucifix. I could have nailed him to it, put I had misplaced my claw hammer. So I had to settle for our leather belts. Hence he was naked, and I was wearing only my boxer shorts.
Being a king, I always thought that torturing would come natural. But like a virgin schoolboy laying next to a beautiful woman, I suddenly realised I had no idea what to do.“I bet you regret getting a shitty dick now, don’t you?”
“I have never come close to puncturing Guinevere’s rectum.”
“We’ll soon find out.”
“Arthur?”
I folded my arms. “What is it?”
“Sorry to be a pain, but I need a piss.”
“Fuck sake, Lance.”
“Please.”
I pulled off my glove. “You’re just going to have to keep it in until I’m finished.”
“Hurry up then.”
“Right... Did you, or did you not sleep with Guin.”
“Like I said before, no.”
“I don’t believe you.”I guessed now would have been a good time to hit him. So holding my chainmail gauntlet I smashed it across Lancelot’s cock. “You’re a liar.” His squeals delighted me.
“I’m not.”
To my amazement his cock began to grow... and grow. As if I was a tennis champ returning to serve on centre court, I gave his cock and balls a mighty back handed swipe. But to my disbelief Lancelot’s cock now had serious girth. “What the fuck Lance?”
“Hit me again. Come you pussy.”
I didn’t really want to hit it again in case it decided to bite. I picked up a cat and nine tails whip. At least I could strike from distance. “Not smiling now are you?”
“Dude, you have to turn me around for that.”
“It that what Guin told you?”
“I didn’t slip her one. Someone else ploughed her backfield.”
“Guin told me herself. I didn’t even have to threaten her.”
“She’s mistaken.”
“Lance, that woman can see bread crumbs on the carpet from fifty yards. Believe me, if she says it’s you, then it’s you.”
I couldn’t be arsed turning Lancelot around. I leaned back and whipped him across his bare chest. Lancelot’s cries reverberated around the stone walls. The red welts quickly surfaced from his right peck to the left hip. He sobbed like a young child sat on the naughty step. I suddenly realised that punishing your friend is never nice, not even when he had fucked your missus. My heart bled as I listened to his tearful whimpers.“What do you have to say?”
“It wasn’t me, I swear.”
“Fuck me, Lance. Even if it wasn’t, just say so, and I’ll let you go. I’m tired and just want to go to bed.”
“It wasn’t me.”
Pissed off at Lancelot’s stubbornness, I placed the whip back into the cupboard. Torture is a results business and I needed a quick finish. I picked up a branding iron and smiled at Lance and shoved the iron in the hot coals. “You have one last chance.”
“You can’t brand me with a red hot poker?”
“You should have thought that before doing the same to my wife.”
“At first you might appear to be a shit torturer, but your innuendos are fucking painful to listen too.”
Holding the glowing iron with two hands, I carefully turned towards a worried Lancelot. “Right, last chance, did you sleep with Guin?”
“No.”
“Sorry Lance.” I closed my eyes and stepped forward. A cloud of searing steam erupted into my face. My first thought was that it must have been the scalding of Lancelot’s skin. But I opened my eyes to find his cocking hosing piss over my iron, as well as my feet. “Can’t you at least try and comply?”
“I told you, I needed a piss.”
“Right, stay there. I’m going to change into new sandals.”
Drenched in piss, my sandals squelched while I walked down the corridor. Lancelot was a proud man, and I found it hard to believe he would sacrifice his reputation to bang my wife, especially with him being gay. It just doesn’t add up. I needed help.
I noticed that Merlin’s door was ajar. “Merlin?” There was no answer as I pushed open the door. It had been a few years since I had been in Merlin’s quarters and I felt rather curious, plus I might be able to snatch a pair of his sandals.
I pinched my nose as I stepped into Merlin’s room. “Now I remember why I stopped accepting his invitations.” Screwed up tissues lay strewn over the floor and naked drawings of woman were pinned to the walls. “Can tell he’s a bachelor.”
A pair of familiar underwear sat on his pillow. I picked up a writing quill, and fished up the soiled garment. I arched my neck back as I passed it in front of my face. “Yup, they’re Guin’s alright.”The fabric was laced with semen.“She’s fucking him too.”
I shoved the underwear into my pocket for evidence later. Pacing over to Merlin’s desk I noticed his leather bound book of spells lay open. “Let’s see what this fucker has been up to.”
The current page was headed, body switching. “Merlin... you rascal.”
Chapter 6
Merlin’s Story
My magician’s hat leant to one side. The evening sun melted into the horizon while I zigzagged down one of the seedier streets of Cameltoe. Although I appeared drunk and confused, I knew exactly where I was heading.
I stepped into the whore house, but was immediately pushed back onto the street by a big black Rosie. Despite being used to dealing with whores, I found Rosie’s sexual power intimidating... and always left her alone. “What’s wrong?”
“You know God damn well what’s wrong, Merlin.”
I then remembered what happened with Edith in the woods. “I just like to be original, every magician out there can pull a rabbit from a hat. I’m yet to see one that can pull one out of a vagina.”
“Edith was pissing rabbit droppings for a week. If you don’t leave right now, I will make sure you’ll never walk again.”
I felt too pissed to argue. “Fine, I’ll go.”
My night wasn’t ruined I knew what I had to do. It just meant heading back to home to concoct a special brew from my spell book... and find a willing participant.
Potion in hand I searched the shadowy streets looking for the ideal guy to play with. Preferably he had to be asleep so I could find the body again after I was finished. Then it struck me. Berty the night-watchman, he’s the lazy bastard who mans the East Gate... the one person in the town who is as useless as me.
I crept up to the gatehouse and peered through the arrow slit. As I expected, Berty was asleep. I tip toed into a gatehouse perfumed by the smell of whisky.
Stood in front of Berty, I necked the vile tasting potion. Not wanting to waste any more fucking time, I puckered up, closed my eyes, and kissed Berty full on the lips.
My eyes opened to see a sleeping Merlin sat slumped in the gatekeepers chair. My potion had worked, the body swap had been seamless. Time to party.
Back at the whorehouse I knocked on the door and Rosie opened. I nodded, “Evening, Rosie.”
“Not seen you for while, Berty,”
“I haven’t been feeling myself lately.”
“What do you want tonight?”
“Let’s see what I can afford.”I sunk my hand into the pocket of my trousers and pulled out Berty’s wallet. I guessed it must have been payday as it weighed a fair bit. “Is Edith around?”
“No, she’s on sick leave. It’s me or nothing, I’m afraid.”
“You’re going to need a shit load of lube, then.”
The bed was covered in cum stains and smelt like unwashed bodies. But I didn’t care as I have fucked in worse. In a rush I threw off my clothes as if they were burning. I then jumped on the sticky bed and waited for my Rosie, who counted my coins. She was the only black woman I had ever seen. I have no idea how the fuck she got here. All I know is that she makes me stiffer than a Viagra test dummy.
Feeling the cold air on my skin, I thought I better start wanking my shaft before I lose all hope of getting my wicked way. Rosie then dropped her pink robe. Her coffee skin caused me to rub myself like a boy scout on camp. I broke into a sweat and lessened the pace before I contributed to the stains on the bed.
I couldn’t determine whether Rosie was fat or just muscly. Her shoulders were as broad as a bricklayer’s and she possessed a pair of thighs that were beefier than a heifer’s arse. She smiled as she placed the money in a safe box. “Time for me to make you wish you were never born.”
“What did you say?”
“You heard.”
“Not the usual dirty talk, Rosie.”
“I’m pissed off today, Merlin the magician put my highest earner out of order, so I’m not loving men right now.”
I froze. What the fuck had I got myself into? “But... I’m not Merlin.”
“Wrong place at the wrong time, Bert.”
“I’ve been hit by a woman... on many occasions. But Rosie is a giant. Shove a green wig over her afro and she’d pass for an oak tree. So being told that she is going to make me wish I had never been born... Well, made me kinda wish I had penned my will and final testimony. Still, what a way to go out? Come on, better than a failing liver, which was my only alternative.
Now, I know Guinevere has a reputation for owning a nice set of tits. But compare her to Rosie, and poor Guinevere could hide two beer kegs under her top and still appear as flat chested as a ballerina with an eating disorder.
Rosie jumped on the end of the bed, catapulting me into mid air. She then caught me before I hit the mattress. Wrapping me in her cushioned arms, she began crushing me like a repossessed cart.
My face was firmly planted within Rosie’s tit valley. I sunk right down there like a butt plug in a greased up homo. Her tits had me in a head lock and weren’t letting me go.
I panicked and began to flap like a fish. But Rosie wasn’t bothered and threw me over her knee. She then began slapping my bear arse. Every slap shunted my organs and rattled my spine. “Steady on, Rosie, I want to survive to tell the tale.”
“Shut up, Berty, you take what I give you.” Rosie was belting me with hatred in its purest form. Her hands slapped against my reddened skin, thundering like hoofs on cobbles. I kicked my legs in an attempted to wiggle my way free. The pain became unbearable and my eyes leaked tears. “Please... No more.”
“You crying?”
“Sorry...but being slapped like that gave me visions of my abusive father.” I was lying of course. I’m just a wimp.
Rosie picked me up like a rag doll then enveloped me in her huge arms. She hugged me like a bear wrapping his arms around his tree before a climb. My face was lost amongst the masses of chocolate fat. I wasn’t sure if it was the lack of oxygen, or the softness of Rosie’s skin, but I began to feel comfortable. In complete darkness, I could have been a foetus.
Rosie fell back onto the bed, so I was on top. She kept me in her grip. Her large chubby hands began to rub up and down my back. I purred like a loving kitten and burrowed my face even further into her sweet smelling folds. Her hands cured aches that I never knew I had.
I had no fucking clue what was going on.
My erection lay squashed between us. As my body shifted under the weight of Rosie’s rubbing hands, it gave me a sense of copulating. I shuffled down then felt a stroke of luck when my cock found her pussy. Rosie was sopping and my dick slid right in. “I’m plugged in and turned on.”
“Go on, Berty, ride me into the ground.”
Riding a woman of greater dimensions is quite an experience. It really is like riding a horse. You have to balance your weight so you don’t fall off. I grabbed onto her love handles and rode her into battle.
I had reached a gallop when Rosie grabbed my face. “I’m going as quick as I can, Rose.”
“Do me doggy.”
“Give us a minute.”
“I said get off.” The earth trembled under Rosie’s bass filled threat. “Now.” I didn’t have time to have one last stroke before she pushed me with her two hands, sending me flying into the air.
Rosie rolled over on the bed. She then rose up on all fours, creating a wall of brown flesh. I was suddenly reminded of my joke evolving Arthur and his horse.
I’m the first to admit that I’m not the tallest of men. But I’m far from small. So I thought it was taking the piss when I found myself a foot too small to poke my dick into her hole. “Are they all this big in Africa?”
“Think I’m big? Should see the men.”
I sprung up and grabbed onto Rosie’s shoulders, pulling myself up. Hanging on by one hand I guided my cock into her pussy.
Far from fit I began to pant like a dog in the summer. Pushing in and out was exhausting and I couldn’t keep up with her demands. “You’re going to have to lay down, you’re just too big.”
“You cheeky bastard.”
Rosie rolled over and crushed me underneath. Her arse sucked me like a sink plunger. She then began jumping up and down on my cock. Under her weight I felt my bones crumbling to dust. No matter how much I cried out she continued to smash me into mattress.“Rosie... Please.”
“Shut up Berty, I know you like it.”
She had a point... but it fucking hurt.
While she pounded me like turf under carthorse hooves, I watched Rosie’s wings of fat slap up and down like a chicken trying to fly.
I felt relieved when I burst my damn and poured my toxic cum inside. I could not move and lay pinned under Rosie. My dick tickled as my cum began to rain back down. She finally rolled off me, allowing me to breathe. But her body caused her side of the mattress to sink and mine to rise, rolling me back on top. “Don’t get the wrong idea.”
Laying beside Rosie, I felt something settle deep inside. There was something about her that I actually liked. “How many men have you had tonight, Rose?”
“Thirty, maybe thirty five. I gave up counting at lunchtime.”
“Why don’t you give up the job? I can earn a living as a travelling magician, and you can be my glamorous assistant.”
“You know magic?”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t believe I made such an elementary error. “Yeah... Part time, I fit it in around my gatekeeping.”
“I suppose it’s good to have a hobby. I sing gospel around my fucking.”
“Out of interest... have you ever been with a magician? I heard Merlin comes here a lot.”
“Merlin... He’s alright, has a pretty small wand though. Gandalf came in the other week, he’s hung like a battering ram. Stretched me good and proper with all kinds of tricks. I fucked a few of his hobbits too, for half price a go.”
This Gandalf is getting too big for his magic wand. He’s encroaching on my patch... as if middle fucking earth isn’t big enough. I lowered my legs off the bed “Apart from Gandalf, how many magicians have you... let’s use the word, met.”
“I have fucked quite a few actually. They have a thing for black women. I’ve coined the phrase, black magic.”
I felt devastated and climbed from the bed. “I’ll never love again.”
I waved my hand in the air. “It’s fine, you can keep my heart as well. Goodbye.”
Back at the gate house I kissed Merlin, and swapped back to myself... Merlin.
Berty woke up and stared at me. “Merlin... did you just kiss me?”
“I caught you sleeping on the job. Just thought I would scare you.”
“Oh... Right. I feel all funny... must have been the whisky giving me nightmares.”
I snatched the bottle off Bert’s desk. “Probably better that I keep it anyway. Don’t want to fall asleep on job, do you.”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
“Don’t worry. Have a good night.”
Under a ghostly moon, I trudged back towards the castle. I took a swig from the bottle before wiping my mouth dry with my sleeve. A figure stood in the shadows, just before the open drawbridge. I figured it was a vigilant guard. “Stand down solider, it’s Merlin.” The person remained sat on the stone wall in silence. As I approached I heard their whimpers. Then it became apparent that it was in fact Guinevere. “Guin?”
“Merlin, my whole life is ruined.”
“How come?”
“I’m addicted to cock.”
I felt intrigued and sat at her side. “Just so happens I have one of those.”
“I want you to help me cure my addiction. I want to be forever loyal to Arthur.”
“Oh.”
“Please help me out.”
I ran my fingers through my gray beard. “How about, you just have one last fling, then I’ll cure you. How about that?”
“You sure that is a wise thing to do? After all, Arthur counts you as his best friend.”
“Arthur can’t be hurt by what he doesn’t know. Now come here, let’s have some fun.” I placed my arm around Guinevere and drew her close to me. “And stop trying to make me feel guilty. I’m trying to help you out here.”
“Merlin.”
“Shush. Now let’s have a suck on those milky tits of yours.”
“Merlin, it’s Arthur.”
“What?”
“I found your book, open at the body switching spell. It’s clear what you have been up too.”
Dread burned inside me. I began to sweat profusely. “Don’t worry I was using it to spy on middle earth, on that bastard Gandalf.”
“Oh, talking about Gandalf, I have employed him as Chief Druid.”
“After all these years?”
“Exactly, after all these years, and you were ready to jump on Guinevere.”
I gazed down at my feet. “I’m sorry.” Curiosity then gained a foothold in my mind. “Hey, I never been in a woman’s body before. What’s it like?”
“Fucking fantastic, been fingering myself nonstop while I was waiting for you to turn up.”
“Come on, let us have a go before you give the body back to Guin.”
“Fuck off, Merlin... that would be just weird.”
“I won’t say anything if you don’t.”
“Nah... I’ll pass on that. You’ll have to ask me when I’m drunk.”
Nadine
- 24.05.2021
- 24
- 0
- Category:
- Humor
