The Neighborhood Chapter Seven Veronica
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The Neighborhood Chapter Seven: Veronica free porn video
Josh was desperate to get Veronica another job. The female redheaded double-breasted mattress thrasher worked in an adult bookstore. By the end of the day she was so desensitized to sex she wanted nothing to do with it. She read recipe books instead.
The male redheaded single-dicked muff mangler worked as an IT consultant. By the end of the day, he was so horny he wanted nothing but sex. “Match made in heaven” does not come readily to mind here.
We were sitting around bullshitting one evening and Josh asked if we had any ideas for a new job for his girlfriend. I got right to the point. “What are her skills?”
“Apprentice dick sucker, but she’s not getting enough practice,” replied Josh. “She’s also into masonry – a prick layer, that’s with a ‘P.’ She just doesn’t seem too much into the trade. She gets so fucking bored with sex that when we go to bed she wants to sit up and read recipe books. I tell her I want to salt her to taste, maybe baste her buns or fricassee her fuck machine, but she ignores me.”
“Can she sell?” This was from Lucy. We all turned to look at her.
“One of my clients owns a liquor distributorship. Crystal referred him to me for financial advice. He’s easy to work with and a nice guy.” Lucy was all business. That is, whatever part of her that wasn’t teasing Paul’s growing erection through his underwear was all business.
“Anyway, the guy has four sales reps in the city. The one who sells to Crystal and the West side of town is doing a good job. North and South reps are not quite as good, but my client tells me the guy is OK and the girl shows real promise.
“The guy who was selling in the East was let go. Half of his customers were women, and the guy turned them off with his non-stop sex talk. He was trying to get into his female customers’ pants instead of into their cash registers. Anyway, last weekend one of the more lucrative customers called the boss and told him she was switching distributors. Chester – the sales rep – had come on to her. When she turned him down, he exposed himself. She told my client that she enjoys a good Johnson as much as anybody else, just not when it’s shoved in her face while she’s trying to write a check.
“The boss has taken over that territory himself, but he needs a replacement. I doubt that Veronica’s going to shove her dick up anybody’s nose while working, which at least gives her a leg up on her predecessor. Do you want me to arrange an interview?”
Josh was on the phone in a second. Veronica, of course, first wanted to know how many tablespoons there were in a liter. “About sixty seven and a half,” offered Lucy. I was still stuck on how to convert ounces to furlongs, and she had the fucking answer off the top of her head.
Josh repeated what Lucy had told him. “And, no, I have no idea where you can get fresh basil. Please just listen. Do you want a new job, one with better pay, and that might let you pay more attention to boffing than baking once in a while?”
Lucy arranged the interview, no promises. Her client tested Veronica out on what he thought would be an obscure topic, cooking wines. He stopped taking notes long enough to offer her the job, and then asked her to write all that stuff down. She was going to start immediately.
Veronica did go back to the bookstore and tell the owner she quit. She said he asked her that, since she didn’t work there anymore, how about a blowjob? “I told him that, since I didn’t work there anymore, how about I cut your fuckin’ nuts off?” Veronica occasionally had difficulty with simple declarative statements; with the more colorful and complex forms of the language she was fine.
Her boss thanked Lucy for finding her. Their sales of cooking wine went through the roof. Sure, Veronica thought that horilka was a Swedish prostitute and tequila hosted a show on MTV. He figured she’d get the hang of it. Her customers loved her. That was all that mattered.
Josh told us that his sex life got immensely better overnight, and his drinking life went into overdrive. Veronica’s customers liked her so much she had a standing invitation to come drink for free, any time she wanted, and to bring her boyfriend along.
“How about her boyfriend’s roommates?” Randy asked.
“Cash only, no checks,” replied Veronica. “I ain’t the fuckin’ welcome wagon, you know.”
For a week, they hit a different bar every night. The first night she had to practically carry Josh into the house. She had driven home, and he was too drunk to stop at the convenience store for cigarettes. We wondered why he still had his clothes on when he came in.
The next morning she had it out with him. “You wanted me to get a new job.” Josh was burying his head in his hands and moaning. That horilka will give you a whopper of a hangover, you know.
“I’ve got the new job,” she yelled at him. Josh cringed. “I’m ready to fuck when you are. I’m ready to suck when you can get it up, dipshit. You had so fucking much to drink last night nobody was getting anything up with a crane.”
Josh said he was sorry. “You bet your ass you’re sorry. You’re one sorry motherfucker. We’ll go out tonight. When I tell you stop drinking you stop drinking. Got it?”
Josh got it. They went out every night for the rest of the week, and Josh kept his drinking under control. Nothing else was under control, but he and Veronica actually kind of liked that.
For example, they went out the night of the “dipshit” speech and when Veronica told Josh to quit, he quit. They came in the house around 10:00 pm; they were both naked and giggling. They ran as fast as they could to the back of the house. I had glanced up and wondered why Josh’s dick was bright yellow. Seemed strange.
Lydia confirmed the details of Veronica’s story. They pulled into Coitus Quarter and headed for the convenience store. Josh and Veronica both got out of the car.
“I told him to strip. Nothing new, of course, he always stripped to his underwear after buying his smokes. This time he was going to strip first.
“Josh threw his shirt and pants back in the car and started for the door. I told him to stop where he was; he wasn’t quite finished. Duckweed looked like he didn’t understand, so I pulled his underwear off him. Then he understood. He smiled and started for the door again.
“I stopped him once more. I told him I wanted him hard when he went into the store. I’ve seen the old guy next door go in with a boner multiple times. Lydia and Danny just try to keep from laughing. Well, it was boner time in the old town for Josh.
“He wanted me to suck him hard. I told him this called for handiwork, and to get to it.” Veronica was grinning. Of course, this was an hour after they had disappeared into Josh’s bedroom. His dick wasn’t yellow any more.
“Josh beat his meat until he was hard. Then I allowed him to enter the store. I was right behind him. Lydia could care less, of course, but a lady buying milk and bread asked if this was a nightly event and whether it happened at the same time every night.
“Josh ordered cigarettes. I asked Lydia what flavors of condom she carried. That’s when the lady put down the bread and milk and took out her phone.
“Lydia started tossing flavored condoms at me. I had no idea there were so many. Who the fuck wants barbecue flavored beef anyway? Therefore, I threw two twenties on the counter and started opening the packages.
“I rolled a raspberry flavored condom on his dipstick and took a taste. Nah, raspberry wasn’t the answer. Therefore, I tried strawberry. Better, but still not, what I was after. Blueberry didn’t work either. I was done with the berries and started in on other kinds of fruit.
“Did you know they make a kiwi-flavored rubber? I like kiwis, but they didn’t get the taste quite right. I rolled a banana-flavored raincoat on him, but it tasted too real. I bit down. I thought Lydia was going to have a fucking heart attack when Josh screamed.”
Josh interjected here. “I offered to buy every banana flavored condom she had if I could just burn them on the spot. Lydia wasn’t interested.”
Veronica resumed. “We went through all sorts of flavors, maybe a dozen total, before I tried lemon. That’s the answer. Lemon flavored condoms are my favorites. I asked Lydia how many she had in stock. Josh wanted to get out of there immediately, but I wanted to be sure to bring back some for the rest of you to try. What’s the fun of finding something new if you can’t share it with your friends?”
Josh picked up the story. “Lemon schmemmon, my balls were ready to explode. Lydia thought it was funny. The milk-and-bread woman was on her phone calling her bridge club, telling them to get to the convenience store immediately, and they wouldn’t regret it. And Veronica wants to count out exact fucking change for half a dozen lemon flavored condoms.”
“Anyway,” Veronica continued, “We left the store and I headed for the car. As you know, it’s only two blocks from the house. We’ll have to pick up the car later. Look in tomorrow’s paper for a story about a naked man with a yellow glow stick glued to his crotch breaking the four-minute mile. Dragging a woman behind him on the ground. He literally pulled me back here like a sack of potatoes. I didn’t stand up until we were on the front porch. A few seconds later I was off my feet again on Josh’s bed.”
Veronica handed lemon-flavored condoms to Paul and Randy. “What about mine?” I asked.
“Well,” said Veronica, “I only bought half a dozen. We’ve been home an hour already. Two is all I have left.”
The next night I stopped at the convenience store and bought a few flavored condoms. Sonja likes the lemon, but the kiwi is actually her favorite. In answer to her question, I said, no, they don’t make banana-flavored condoms.
The male redheaded single-dicked muff mangler worked as an IT consultant. By the end of the day, he was so horny he wanted nothing but sex. “Match made in heaven” does not come readily to mind here.
We were sitting around bullshitting one evening and Josh asked if we had any ideas for a new job for his girlfriend. I got right to the point. “What are her skills?”
“Apprentice dick sucker, but she’s not getting enough practice,” replied Josh. “She’s also into masonry – a prick layer, that’s with a ‘P.’ She just doesn’t seem too much into the trade. She gets so fucking bored with sex that when we go to bed she wants to sit up and read recipe books. I tell her I want to salt her to taste, maybe baste her buns or fricassee her fuck machine, but she ignores me.”
“Can she sell?” This was from Lucy. We all turned to look at her.
“One of my clients owns a liquor distributorship. Crystal referred him to me for financial advice. He’s easy to work with and a nice guy.” Lucy was all business. That is, whatever part of her that wasn’t teasing Paul’s growing erection through his underwear was all business.
“Anyway, the guy has four sales reps in the city. The one who sells to Crystal and the West side of town is doing a good job. North and South reps are not quite as good, but my client tells me the guy is OK and the girl shows real promise.
“The guy who was selling in the East was let go. Half of his customers were women, and the guy turned them off with his non-stop sex talk. He was trying to get into his female customers’ pants instead of into their cash registers. Anyway, last weekend one of the more lucrative customers called the boss and told him she was switching distributors. Chester – the sales rep – had come on to her. When she turned him down, he exposed himself. She told my client that she enjoys a good Johnson as much as anybody else, just not when it’s shoved in her face while she’s trying to write a check.
“The boss has taken over that territory himself, but he needs a replacement. I doubt that Veronica’s going to shove her dick up anybody’s nose while working, which at least gives her a leg up on her predecessor. Do you want me to arrange an interview?”
Josh was on the phone in a second. Veronica, of course, first wanted to know how many tablespoons there were in a liter. “About sixty seven and a half,” offered Lucy. I was still stuck on how to convert ounces to furlongs, and she had the fucking answer off the top of her head.
Josh repeated what Lucy had told him. “And, no, I have no idea where you can get fresh basil. Please just listen. Do you want a new job, one with better pay, and that might let you pay more attention to boffing than baking once in a while?”
Lucy arranged the interview, no promises. Her client tested Veronica out on what he thought would be an obscure topic, cooking wines. He stopped taking notes long enough to offer her the job, and then asked her to write all that stuff down. She was going to start immediately.
Veronica did go back to the bookstore and tell the owner she quit. She said he asked her that, since she didn’t work there anymore, how about a blowjob? “I told him that, since I didn’t work there anymore, how about I cut your fuckin’ nuts off?” Veronica occasionally had difficulty with simple declarative statements; with the more colorful and complex forms of the language she was fine.
Her boss thanked Lucy for finding her. Their sales of cooking wine went through the roof. Sure, Veronica thought that horilka was a Swedish prostitute and tequila hosted a show on MTV. He figured she’d get the hang of it. Her customers loved her. That was all that mattered.
Josh told us that his sex life got immensely better overnight, and his drinking life went into overdrive. Veronica’s customers liked her so much she had a standing invitation to come drink for free, any time she wanted, and to bring her boyfriend along.
“How about her boyfriend’s roommates?” Randy asked.
“Cash only, no checks,” replied Veronica. “I ain’t the fuckin’ welcome wagon, you know.”
For a week, they hit a different bar every night. The first night she had to practically carry Josh into the house. She had driven home, and he was too drunk to stop at the convenience store for cigarettes. We wondered why he still had his clothes on when he came in.
The next morning she had it out with him. “You wanted me to get a new job.” Josh was burying his head in his hands and moaning. That horilka will give you a whopper of a hangover, you know.
“I’ve got the new job,” she yelled at him. Josh cringed. “I’m ready to fuck when you are. I’m ready to suck when you can get it up, dipshit. You had so fucking much to drink last night nobody was getting anything up with a crane.”
Josh said he was sorry. “You bet your ass you’re sorry. You’re one sorry motherfucker. We’ll go out tonight. When I tell you stop drinking you stop drinking. Got it?”
Josh got it. They went out every night for the rest of the week, and Josh kept his drinking under control. Nothing else was under control, but he and Veronica actually kind of liked that.
For example, they went out the night of the “dipshit” speech and when Veronica told Josh to quit, he quit. They came in the house around 10:00 pm; they were both naked and giggling. They ran as fast as they could to the back of the house. I had glanced up and wondered why Josh’s dick was bright yellow. Seemed strange.
Lydia confirmed the details of Veronica’s story. They pulled into Coitus Quarter and headed for the convenience store. Josh and Veronica both got out of the car.
“I told him to strip. Nothing new, of course, he always stripped to his underwear after buying his smokes. This time he was going to strip first.
“Josh threw his shirt and pants back in the car and started for the door. I told him to stop where he was; he wasn’t quite finished. Duckweed looked like he didn’t understand, so I pulled his underwear off him. Then he understood. He smiled and started for the door again.
“I stopped him once more. I told him I wanted him hard when he went into the store. I’ve seen the old guy next door go in with a boner multiple times. Lydia and Danny just try to keep from laughing. Well, it was boner time in the old town for Josh.
“He wanted me to suck him hard. I told him this called for handiwork, and to get to it.” Veronica was grinning. Of course, this was an hour after they had disappeared into Josh’s bedroom. His dick wasn’t yellow any more.
“Josh beat his meat until he was hard. Then I allowed him to enter the store. I was right behind him. Lydia could care less, of course, but a lady buying milk and bread asked if this was a nightly event and whether it happened at the same time every night.
“Josh ordered cigarettes. I asked Lydia what flavors of condom she carried. That’s when the lady put down the bread and milk and took out her phone.
“Lydia started tossing flavored condoms at me. I had no idea there were so many. Who the fuck wants barbecue flavored beef anyway? Therefore, I threw two twenties on the counter and started opening the packages.
“I rolled a raspberry flavored condom on his dipstick and took a taste. Nah, raspberry wasn’t the answer. Therefore, I tried strawberry. Better, but still not, what I was after. Blueberry didn’t work either. I was done with the berries and started in on other kinds of fruit.
“Did you know they make a kiwi-flavored rubber? I like kiwis, but they didn’t get the taste quite right. I rolled a banana-flavored raincoat on him, but it tasted too real. I bit down. I thought Lydia was going to have a fucking heart attack when Josh screamed.”
Josh interjected here. “I offered to buy every banana flavored condom she had if I could just burn them on the spot. Lydia wasn’t interested.”
Veronica resumed. “We went through all sorts of flavors, maybe a dozen total, before I tried lemon. That’s the answer. Lemon flavored condoms are my favorites. I asked Lydia how many she had in stock. Josh wanted to get out of there immediately, but I wanted to be sure to bring back some for the rest of you to try. What’s the fun of finding something new if you can’t share it with your friends?”
Josh picked up the story. “Lemon schmemmon, my balls were ready to explode. Lydia thought it was funny. The milk-and-bread woman was on her phone calling her bridge club, telling them to get to the convenience store immediately, and they wouldn’t regret it. And Veronica wants to count out exact fucking change for half a dozen lemon flavored condoms.”
“Anyway,” Veronica continued, “We left the store and I headed for the car. As you know, it’s only two blocks from the house. We’ll have to pick up the car later. Look in tomorrow’s paper for a story about a naked man with a yellow glow stick glued to his crotch breaking the four-minute mile. Dragging a woman behind him on the ground. He literally pulled me back here like a sack of potatoes. I didn’t stand up until we were on the front porch. A few seconds later I was off my feet again on Josh’s bed.”
Veronica handed lemon-flavored condoms to Paul and Randy. “What about mine?” I asked.
“Well,” said Veronica, “I only bought half a dozen. We’ve been home an hour already. Two is all I have left.”
The next night I stopped at the convenience store and bought a few flavored condoms. Sonja likes the lemon, but the kiwi is actually her favorite. In answer to her question, I said, no, they don’t make banana-flavored condoms.
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