Read On For 50 Witty, Poignant, And Just Plain Fam free porn video

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1. “I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer.”
― Woody Allen
2. “Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”
― Oscar Wilde
3. “Good sex is like good bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.”
― Mae West
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4. “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.”
― Frank Zappa
5. “It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food.”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33
6. “Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.”
― Woody Allen
7. “Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
― Barbara Bush
8. “I couldn’t possibly have sex with someone with such a slender grasp on grammar!”
― Russell Brand
9. “My first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.”
― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke
10. “But when a woman decides to sleep with a man, there is no wall she will not scale, no fortress she will not destroy, no moral consideration she will not ignore at its very root: there is no God worth worrying about.”
― Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez, Love in the Time of Cholera
11. “You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.”
― Steve Martin
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12. “Sex is always about emotions. Good sex is about free emotions; bad sex is about blocked emotions.”
― Deepak Chopra
13. “My mother told me that life isn’t always about pleasing yourself and that sometimes you have to do things for the sole benefit of another human being. I completely agreed with her, but reminded her that that was what blow jobs were for.”
― Chelsea Handler
14. “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.”
― Lily Tomlin
15. “Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.”
― George Bernard Shaw
16. “Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”
― George Burns
17. “How did sex come to be thought of as dirty in the first place? God must have been a Republican.”
― Will Durst, political satirist
18. “Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.”
― Marilyn Monroe
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19. “I remember the first time I had sex — I kept the receipt.”
― Graucho Marx
20. “My wife is a sex object. Every time I ask for sex, she objects.”
― Les Dawson
21. “The only unnatural sex act is that which you cannot perform.”
― Alfred Kinsey, biologist
22. “Sex is great until you die, but it’s never as great as it was when you were a k**, when it was a mystery.”
―David Duchovny
23. “I write about sex because often it feels like the most important thing in the world.”
―Jeanette Winterston
24. “You can’t talk about fucking in America, people say you’re dirty. But if you talk about killing somebody, that’s cool.”
― Richard Pryor
25. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.”
― Billy Crystal
26. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.”
― Johnny Carson
27. “I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.”
― Joan Rivers
28. “Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.”
― Robert A. Heinlein, writer
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29. “I need more sex, OK? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world.”
― Angelina Jolie
30. “I just feel like every k** is growing up too fast and they’re seeing too much. Everything is about sex, and that’s fine for me. I’m not saying I don’t like it. But I don’t think it should be everywhere, where k**s are exposed to everything sexual. Because they have to have some innocence; there’s just no innocence left.”
― Ellen DeGeneres
31. “Remember, sex is like a Chinese dinner. It ain’t over ’til you both get your cookie.”
― Alec Baldwin
32. “Love is an ice cream sundae, with all the marvelous coverings. Sex is the cherry on top.”
― Jimmy Dean
33. “Sex is the driving force on the planet. We should embrace it, not see it as the enemy.”
― Hugh Hefner
34. “Sex is the best high. It’s better than any d**g. I want to die making love because it feels so good.”
― Bai Ling
35. “I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.”
― John Waters
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36. “Sex is like money; only too much is enough.”
― John Updike, novelist
37. “You can’t have rock and roll without d**gs, you can’t have rock and roll without sex.”
― Rick James
38. “I have tried sex with both men and women. I found I liked it.”
― Dusty Springfield
39. “Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.”
― Marlene Dietrich
40.”To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.”
― Cary Grant
41. “I know nothing about sex, because I was always married.”
― Zsa Zsa Gabour
42. “Literature – creative literature – unconcerned with sex, is inconceivable.”
― Gertrude Stein
43. “I need sex for a clear complexion, but I’d rather do it for love.”
― Joan Crawford
44. “Kissing – and I mean like, yummy, smacking kissing – is the most delicious, most beautiful and passionate thing that two people can do, bar none. Better than sex, hands down.”
― Drew Barrymore
45. “Sex is a bad thing because it rumples the clothes.”
― Jackie Kennedy
MORE: The One Trick That’ll Instantly Make You Sexier
46. “This is the way I look at sex scenes: I have basically been doing them for a living for years. Trying to seduce an audience is the basis of rock ‘n roll, and if I may say so, I’m pretty good at it.”
― Jon Bon Jovi
47. “There’s no religion but sex and music.”
― Sting
48. “Sex is hardly ever just about sex.”
― Shirley MacLaine
49. “Maybe our generation is more about sex, but it feels like romance is dying out.”
― Orlando Bloom

50. “I want to wait to have sex until I’m married.”
― Britney Spears


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Andee Heats Up Houston Day 1

Andee edged her way through the crowd surrounding the luggage belt. She was happy to finally be off the plane after the three hour flight from Toronto, but still had some peculiar emotions about being in Houston. Ever since her encounter with Don back at the conference in Chicago she had been maintaining a casual connection with him, mostly on a professional level. When she received his invitation to come to Texas for a few days to explore first hand some of the research developments his...

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Grandpa and Grandma come for a visit and the entire family enjoys an incestuous orgy

“We’re here!” Grandma cried as she and Grandpa came through the front door with their suitcases. “Grandma!” the children shouted as quickly the five of them surrounded their Grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa hugged them all – letting their hands grab the firm young asses of their grandchildren. Grandma took special care to press her massive bosom against their chests feeling her nipples harden as she did. Grandpa’s large pecker had been hard since...

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Becoming Brandee Chapter Eight

Becoming Brandee Chapter Eight: Sitting at my vanity I carefully outlined my lips. Then I pulled out a tube of china pink lipstick and coated them. My refection pleased me so much. Finally, I coated my pretty colored lips with two coats of shiny sticky lip gloss. I winked at Richard reflected in my mirror who was watching me get ready for work. I then stood up to face him in my freshly ironed cocktail waitress uniform. Today I would be wearing my pink uniform. I loved wearing...

2 years ago
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Andee Heats Up Houston Day 2

Andee woke to the sound of the shower running. Looking at the digital clock beside the bed she saw that it was just after 6:00 a.m. As she sat up in the bed, she was trying to shake out the cobwebs and jetlag in her head when the realization of what had gone on the night before became obvious. She was naked but couldn’t exactly remember at what point during the night her lingerie had come off. She rolled out of the bed, made her way to the closet and pulled on a t-shirt from her suitcase. She...

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Andee Loses a Bet and Her Panties

The whole matter began shortly after Andee’s 38th birthday. She had made one of the biggest decisions of her life and cropped her long brown hair into a cute “pixie” cut. It was a drastic change in her mind, and not long after she began to feel that she wasn’t being “noticed” as much as she had been when her hair was long. “Men prefer long hair,” she complained to her husband one night, not long after she made the dramatic transformation. But despite his constant reassurances, she still felt...

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4 years ago
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Whitebread Plain

"Look, Jase, just because I love you doesn't mean I'm willing to do that with you," said Emma. "Can't we do something else?" "Like, what?" Jason said. "I dunno, like, talk, or something. How was your day?" "Boring. I couldn't want to see you. How was yours?" Emma sighed. " ... Boring. I couldn't wait to see you." A boy had made some quiet motions in her direction--a friend of a boyfriend of a friend, kind of boring. She'd been able to say, Sorry, I'm already seeing...

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MommyMe Series Justina Pt 2

“Hey, Tori!” Justina said, running up the porch steps, her breasts jiggling with every step. “Hi,” I said. She noticed me staring at her boobs and did the unthinkable. She flashed her breasts. I blushed and she winked at me as Mom came towards the door. “Hello Justina,” Mom said. “Hello, Mrs. Ryan,” Justina replied. “You girls are probably hungry, are turkey sandwiches ok with you Justina?” Mom asked. “Yes, thank you,” Justina replied. “Mom, I’m going to show Justina my room,” I told mom. “Ok...

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Becoming Brandee Chapter Seven

Becoming Brandee Chapter Seven Today may be one of the most important days of my new bimbo life. I go for my job interview today. I am so nervous. I so want to get this job. Lisa seems to think I am a shoe in. But I am nervous. I so want this job. It means a lot to me and I think it will mean a lot to Richard and I know it will help continue to rein....reinfer...re...make me more comfortable as a bimbo girl happy in her role.To support me, Lisa came over and we went through my...

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Becoming Brandee Chapter Eleven

Disclaimer: This chapter, like all chapters of the Becoming Brandee series are intended for adult readers only. Reproduction in any form may not be done without permission of the author. Becoming Brandee, Chapter Eleven: Julie and I crawled into bed together spent as Richard retired to his room. However, just before heading up to bed, Benjamin and I shared a private moment at the door before he headed back to his home. He kissed me tenderly and told me that he'd like to see me...

2 years ago
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From Candace to CandyChapter 5

We woke up mid morning the next day. I rang down to the servants house and asked that breakfast be served in about an hour. I hustled Candace into the shower, telling Candy that we couldn't play; I had a big day planned for us. And that of course set off a round of what? and why won't you tell me, and I don't care if it's a surprise, which finally ended with several swats to the ass cheeks and a gesture towards the shower. Point made, game, set, match; for now anyway. I went through...

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Becoming Brandee Chapter Twelve

Disclaimer: Like all chapters of the Brandee series, this one is inteded for adult readers only. Becoming Brandee, Chapter Twelve I am now in my fourth month of my tour of gentleman's clubs and adult bookstores and I am really enjoying myself. Julie came out a few weekends ago and had such a fun time watching me in my glory. She says she is going to finish up her Doctorial work sooner than expected and that we might get some more time together. I would really enjoy that as I...

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Chandigarh Ki Bhabhi Ko Bnaya Randi

Mera naam harman hai. Yeh meri pehli story hai indian sex stories pe. Yeh story meri bhabhi k baare me hai. Iss story mein m btaunga k kaise mene apni bhabhi ko apni randi bnaya. Apne baare me btata hoon. Mera lund 7 inch ka hai aur height 6 foot. M chandigarh ka rehne wala hoon. Mujhe ladkiyo ko randiyo ki tarah chodne meh bahut maaza aata hai. Chandigarh ki agar koi ladki, bhabhi ya aunty ko badeh aur motte lund ki talaash hai toh meri email pe msg kre: .Chlo story shuru krte hai. Meri...

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Becoming Brandee Chapter Thirteen

Disclaimer: Like all chapters in the Brandee series, this one is also intended for adults only. And, like all other chapters, no part of this story may be reproduced without permission of the author. Enjoy. Becoming Brandee Chapter Thirteen: I think I was telling you all about my publicity and promotional tour before getting side-tracked by hygiene issues in the last chapter. Let me fill you in on a few of my adventures with some fascinating audience members who've won the "Win...

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Stepford Househusbands Chapters 13

Chapter 1 Stephen sighed as he watched the world go by. "I still don't see why we have to move," he told his wife as he turned to look at her. "Because honey, the company is opening a new store in Stepford and they asked me to run it," Emily replied, not taking her eyes off the road. "Besides, the offer was too good to turn down and the house came as part of the job," Emily continued. "I'd thought that you'd be proud of me," she added. "And I am. Really," Stephen added as his wife...

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Andersonville 23 A Twinkle in her Fathers Eyes

Flashback - 11 months earlier (Author's notes - the intro takes place 'right after' Andersonville 6) There were fifteen men and women crowded into the small conference area. As Colonel Myers surveyed the room, he noticed most of them, the programmers anyway, were about half his age. Barry shook his head; he was getting old. His goal was to make general before he retired, and the Andersonville project had seemed like the best way to increase his chances. The problem was, he had...

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Becoming Brandee Chapter 10

Disclaimer. This chapter, like all chapters of the Becoming Brandee strory, are intended for adult readers only Becoming Brandee Chapter Ten: Now this was totally unexpected. I had initially thought that my wife Julie and I were both to be dates for Richard and suddenly I become very aware that only my wife is Richard's date for the evening. And, once I open the front door, I will be meeting my very own date. "You look divine, Brandee," said my wife encouragingly, "Now make...

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Andee Heats Up Houston Day 3

Andee folded down the top of her suitcase and zipped it shut. In a few hours she would be back in Canada, back with her husband – and after the past couple days – back on her back as she shared her experiences in Houston with the man waiting at home. She looked at Don propped up against the edge of the desk, hands stuffed into his jeans as her thoughts turned to the fun she had enjoyed on this trip. She could see the disappointment in his face as he knew their time together had come to an end....

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