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Humor free porn video
Softness and hardness
A man bumps against a woman in a hotel lobby. During the collision the elbow mound against the chest thereof. They are both surprised. The man turns to her and say,
"Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you will forgive me."
To which she replied:
"If your cock is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221."
Influantes Stats
A businessman boarded a train and finds himself sitting next to a beautiful woman. He notices that she is reading a book about sexual statistics. He asked about this, and she will answer:
"This is a very interesting book. So the Indians are those whose penis is longer, and Britons are those who know to use it. By the way my name is Jill. And you?"
"The Geronimo Genneck, nice to meet you."
Staying cool
One evening, while a couple sets, the husband begins to caress the arm of his wife. She turned and said, "I'm sorry honey, I have an appointment with the gynecologist tomorrow and I want to stay cool. '" The husband turns disappointed. A few minutes later, he turned back to his wife.
"Do you also have an appointment at the dentist tomorrow?"
The cutter
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had worked here for several years when he came home one evening and confessed to his wife that he had a terrible temptation: he wanted to put his penis into the cutter pickles. His wife suggested he go see a ther****t to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to fight this one temptation. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home. That woman saw immediately that something was wrong.
"What's wrong Bill?", She asked.
"You remember my fantasy you about the cutter pickles?" "Oh, no, Bill, you do not have ..."
"If."
"God Bill that has happened?"
"I was fired"
"No, I mean, that has happened with the cutter?" "She has also been fired."
Hair smelling
A young secretary is doing photocopies at the office when one of his colleagues said:
"Hmmm, your hair smells awfully good!"
Immediately, the secretary will see his head and complained to him of being sexually harassed! "How so?" asks the boss
"He told me that my hair felt awfully good ..." replied the girl
"And then," exclaims the chief, "I would have thought it was the kind of compliment that would have made you happy!" "But boss," resumed the girl, "This is a dwarf ..."
sex joke: It's more that it was
A couple has been married for 50 years. One morning at breakfast the woman said:
"Remember how 50 years ago, we were probably sitting at the same table together." "I know," said the old man "probably we sat completely naked."
"Well, well," said the old woman "relive a bit of the past."
Then the two are completely undress and sit down again. You know darling, "said the little old excited" my nipples are still as hot today as it was 50 years ago! "
"It does not surprise me," replied the grandfather "There's one in the toaster and the other dipped in your coffee.
Calories and fun
Look at how many calories you can lose for:
Undress
With permission 12 cal
Without permission 187 cal
Remove her bra
With both hands 8 cal
With one hand 12 cal
With one hand being slapped 37 cal
With the mouth 85 cal
Put the condom
With an erection 6 cal
Without erection 315 cal
During the act
Hold in the air 12 cal
Remain on the floor 8 cal
Positions:
Mom and dad 12 cal
69 8 cal lying
69 112 cal standing
Italian Chandelier 912 cal
Having an orgasm:
A true 112 cal
A false 315 cal
After orgasm:
Stay in bed 18 cal
Jump off the bed 36 cal
Chat with her partner 816 cal
Have a second erection:
Between 16 and 19 12 cal
20 to 29 years old 36 cal
From 30 to 39 108 cal
40 to 49 324 cal
From 50 to 59 972 cal
More than 60 years in 2916 cal
Put her clothes:
32 cal quickly
Very quickly 98 cal
While her husband opened the door in 1218 cal
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