Self Destruction
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"I guess I was always somewhat like this. Starting from the beginning, I was awkward as a teen. I was basically a stick figure. I didn't like my body at all. I had no curves, and nothing that I thought made me desirable to boys. I was all of five feet tall and weighed less than ninety pounds. My friend Angel had the body. She was always being hit on. She was blonde, and wore makeup better than I did. She had the curves the older boys loved, and she didn't mind sharing with them. She's really the one that got me interested in boys to begin with. She knew how to flirt, and after losing her virginity, flirting with the older boys is what really got her going. Since we were close friends, I was the second place prize for the boy she liked friend, I suppose. She taught me that the older boys had the cars, the looks, and really knew how to treat a girl better than the boys our age.
When I finally lost my virginity," Rachel continued, "it was with an older boy. He was sevent*een if I remember right. He was so gorgeous. I had a crush on him for months. I used to watch him from my window hang out at the local hotspot which was right across the street from my house. When we finally did it, it wasn't all that great, looking back on it, but at the time I was thrilled that he wanted me and we were together for two months after that. The sex was never better than decent, I would later come to find out, but I had the boy I wanted, and every time he pierced me I just melted. He could have done literally anything he wanted. What's funny is that now that I'm older, I realize he probably didn't have that much experience either. I figured out, a few years later, he was probably only with me for the practice. We didn't go to the same school so he had no fears of me embarrassing him in front of friends, or girls his age. Imagine coming to the realization that you lost your virginity for practice. That hurt! Still does really.
For the next five years Angel and I were on a rip. We got what we wanted from the boys, and they got what they wanted from us. We partied like crazy in those days. Plenty of d**gs too. We were on the pill so who cared right? We would pick out the boy we wanted and go after them with a vengeance. We were almost never refused. We didn't care if they had a girlfriend, or if we had a boyfriend for that matter. We were out having a good time. The short term blessings of lust and getting what we wanted was all that mattered to us. We were party girls living free and doing what we pleased. You might ask where our parents were. Well, mine were divorced and I lived with my dad. He worked odd hours and really couldn't keep track of me well. As for Angel, her mom just didn't care.
Angel and I had a falling out when I was eighteen and she moved away. My impressionable years were behind me and it was time to start being an adult, though I didn't really know what that meant.
I was working in a manufacturing plant making boxes when I was nineteen and in walks a new guy. He was so cute. I think I remember the first time I laid eyes on him. Many of the girls in the plant had the same idea I did, but I was taught by the best! So I went after him, hard! His name was Nick and I would flirt with him during breaks and whenever he was around me. He finally asked me out, and of course I said yes. We had dinner, then back to his place......
The year proceeding this time was an odd time for me. I didn't really like being an adult. Working and living on my own, without my partner in crime, was just weird. I really didn't know what I was supposed to be doing now that I was out of the house. Working and sleeping? What kind of life is that for a former party girl? Married with c***dren? That made more sense, I guess. More than working and sleeping anyway.
So back at Nick's house we start making out. He was an awesome kisser. I was now a whopping five foot two, and still only ninety pounds, and still didn't like my body. But I guess he did. As he started to fondle my small A cups I made myself more accessible to him. They were sensitive and I immediately started getting wet. Well wetter, the kissing already made me wet. By the time he had unbuttoned my jeans his lips were on my neck and I was fumbling for his zipper. He slid his finger into my freshly shaved slit and started to slide it in and out. This is nothing I hadn't already felt many times before, but just knowing that he wanted me was intoxicating and I was almost delirious with lust. I finally found his cock after having to completely pull down his pants and underwear to his knees. He helped, I should mention that. It wasn't all my doing. His cock was rock hard, and I stroked it with my hand. By now he had removed my jeans and panties and was kissing up the length of my body. He didn't even stop to eat me! I was shocked! I have a feeling in hindsight that he wasn't very experienced. He kissed up the length of my body starting at my knees. When he reached my face he kissed me deeply and slid himself inside of me. I always loved that feeling! It's like jumping into a cool pool and I always have to catch my breath. He started pumping on top of me. I was both caught up in the moment of victory, having gotten what I wanted, and absorbing the lust radiating off of him. After a few minutes of him inside me, I asked to be on top, and he was quick to flip me over on top of him while he was still inside me. I was on my knees straddling him. I was leaning forward kissing him while I took long slow strokes on his cock. When I pulled my hands from behind his head and put them on his chest, playing with his nipples, that's all he could stand. He immediately got the look I had seen many times over the years. He was cumming. I sat straight up and ground my hips into his pubic bone and reached my hand behind me to fondle his balls and he pumped his juice inside me. It felt so warm and wet. I accepted every drop he had deep into my womb. After he caught his breath he told me how incredible that was, and that he was already falling for me after just the first time. He later asked if I used any sort of birth control, to which I said no. I had stopped using it a year ago. To which he said, "well I guess we'll see what happens then."
Nick and I continued to date and in a month I found out I was pregnant. If it wasn't from the first time, which I think it was, it was from one of the several times following it. He didn't like protection but liked me. I just wanted to feel..... something. I'm still not sure what. He proposed and we wed before the baby was born.
I had a healthy baby boy. Nick and I were getting along great. We were a family! Although I still had to work, which I wasn't expecting, I had what I wanted. Over the next year and a half things couldn't have went better, except that my dad died. I took that kind of hard. Nick helped out how he could. But to be honest, I didn't marry him for his brains. When it came to emotion he was never really sure how to approach anything, if he thought about approaching it at all. When my inheritance came in, it was enough to buy Nick a truck, and to buy myself something that I always wanted, a body!
I was still five foot two and ninety pounds at this point. Although I had gained weight during the pregnancy, I had lost it all. I was still a stick figure, except now with saggy A cups instead of the perky A's I used to have. I visited a plastic surgeon for implants. I was sold immediately. I choose the C's. Nick said I didn't need them, and I appreciated his support, but *I* needed them. In less than a month after the surgery and healing, I was now five foot two and ninety pounds with beautiful thirty-four C's. I was thrilled! Needless to say I started getting a lot of attention from men.
Nick and I started fighting almost daily for about six months. He didn't really help out with our son that much and was starting to neglect me physically. He was never an especially good lover, but I still needed the sex, if only to know he still cared about me. I wish I could say I knew what started this change in our relationship, but I really can't nail it down. I left to live with my mom a short time later.
Now a single, well separated, woman again was great! I was eager to explore all the attention I had gotten from men recently. I had more self confidence than I'd ever had before, which to me meant the world. My new found body was filling out nicely. My hips finally formed due to the weight on my chest and I had curves! I went out on lots of dates but didn't really find what I wanted, until Jordan came into work.
I was working someplace else now, and Jordan had just started. Sound familiar? Anyway, he was a really cute guy and not at all like Nick. Basically the exact opposite. He had dreams and goals. It was pretty cool getting to know someone like that. We went out on a few dates and I really liked him. Nick was still pursuing me as much as I'd let him. Constant talk of missing me and his son, blah blah blah.
On my next date with Jordan, I had decided it was time to try it. We went out, had some fun, then back to his place. Before we even got started he asked if I was using protection, to which I said no. He asked me if I trusted him not to cum in me. I said yes. We started to make out and it happened much like it always does. I had a lot less sensitivity in my nipples now but I wouldn't trade them for the world. And men LOVED to play with them! Jordan slid himself inside me and a rush went up my spine. Did I mention I just love that feeling? Jordan rolled over and put me on top of him. I was sitting straight up and grinding into him. It felt awesome and he was looking at me as if he was thinking, "Jesus, you're just too good to be true!". I fell forward and started kissing him, with long slow strokes up and down his shaft. My hands roamed for his nipples and deftly found them. Less than a minute later I heard, "I'm cumming," and the warm sensation of his cum pulsing up into me. His hips bucked and his cock throbbed and he let out a grunt as he splashed the walls of my sweetness with his seed.
He asked why I didn't get off of him, of course. I just said it was feeling to good. He could definitely understand that, and passed no more judgement and asked no more questions. Jordan and I continued to date until I found out I was pregnant. Well I should say he wanted to continue dating more but I had some decisions to make and pushed him away the best I could. Nick was still hounding me to come back as well, knowing full well I was carrying another mans c***d. I'm sure that ripped his heart out. But what do you expect when you neglect me? It's not like he didn't deserve it! Months later I decided to go back to Nick. I felt kinda bad for Jordan, he had really wanted a future with me. I was in a bad spot emotionally. Still looking for.... something. Jordan came after me for custody and won. I was emotionally a wreck and just didn't know where I was or where I was going. I still got my second healthy baby boy every other weekend.
Nick and I lasted another seven years. Don't ask me how. A lot of it was just me feeling trapped. I was angry most of the time. Just about everything he did annoyed me. All I was worried about was protecting the roof over the head of my so*n and I. A small price to pay I guess. But he really disgusted me daily. Resentment had set in, and I didn't even try to let it go. It grew like a weed in the garden, choking off everything good in my life, other than my sons. I had put up with it for years. Our fights became more and more intense. I did whatever I could to just avoid him around the house. When he wanted sex, it was like being fucked by a monster. The thought alone turned my stomach. He rarely ever got it. There was always some excuse I could make. When he did, he lasted all of three minutes before injecting his poison into me. I nearly vomited every time he came.
My so*n and I moved back in with my mom and her husband. I still had my other son every other weekend and they played like c***dren do. I was always most fulfilled when I watched them play and the love in their hearts they had for each other, and the love I hoped they felt from me. Only being half br*others never seemed to phase them in the least. Neither did living apart. When they were together it was just pure joy, and the only joy in my heart came from seeing it.
Then I met Eric. You might be surprised to know I didn't meet him at work! In fact I was unemployed at the time. He met me at a low point in my life. I was so angry, scared, frustrated, confused. My outlook on life was bad, my attitude worse, and I had totally shut down aside from loving my blessed boys. Eric asked to help me, and I accepted. We spoke for weeks, for hours on end. He gave me different ways to view things that had happened in my life. Some were pretty hard to swallow, but I knew were true. He was basically my unofficial ther****t. And it worked! Over weeks my attitude started to change. Little things didn't get to me anymore. My anger and spite subsided. I had direction and a roadmap to get things started in the right direction.
After months had gone by and I was doing much better emotionally, Eric told me that he found me attractive and would love to see me on a part time basis and see how things went. He didn't want us seeing each other to negatively impact the plans I was making. I was happy for three reasons, one, the guy was smart, like really smart! The insight he gave me was priceless helping me. Two, he had his shit together. He had his place, his own money, he was single, attractive, and I hoped fun. Three, if experience is any true sign of how good you are in bed, which it isn't normally, he was going to be AWESOME!
That's how we started. As we continued with our long talks about the right direction and the focus I needed to get things done, we had sex twice a week. He was phenomenal. I had only had a handful of orgasms in my life, he gave me one the first time, and every time after that. In fact he found a way to make me have multiples, Jesus I was in heaven! And NOTHING I could do could make him cum before he was ready. He would pound me for hours, with short breaks of course. He once told me, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to split you in two, but I sure am going to try!". Fuck how sexy! When he came, it was like a magical experience. It was SO fucking sexy. He totally flooded me. I dripped him for days. Knowing that I carried him inside me was so beautiful. He asked that I go on the pill early on and in spite of my past, trusted me. He aroused my mind as well as my body. I, deep down, was always submissive, I was just forced to get what I wanted. He was dominant, and allowed me to feel what a true submissive does. It was tender, caring, loving, erotic, and a blast! After I came he would massage my body and face, letting the warmth of my orgasm totally wash over me, before mounting me again and starting over. He touched me in ways no other man has, or probably will. He explored my body and encouraged me to explore it with him, so I could communicate what felt best.
He also taught me about being with a man. About the male anatomy and how it worked. What feels good to a man. He let me explore his body without rush, to see and feel what a man was really like. He also refined every skill I thought I had, and taught me a few new ones.
We ended up falling in love. He was proud of the person I'd become, and I was totally enamored that this man wanted me. He let me be who I was, while giving me insight to change if I wanted it. He treated me better than I thought possible and I finally knew how real adults act when they care for someone. Compliments, gifts just because, thoughtfulness, it was amazing. He filled my heart with more love than I knew possible.
I found a job, my divorce became final, he even held my hand to the dentist, of which I was phobic. But that didn't last forever. We started having problems about a year in because he said I never told him how I feel. Communicating my feelings was never something I was good at. It would break my heart when we fought. He would pull away and told me many times that just because we were now in a relationship that doesn't mean I no longer needed to grow. When I convinced him I would, we would start seeing each other again. This cycle lasted for two years. Every six months or so we would run into issues. Mostly about my lack of communication, and back to the beginning we'd go.
Each time my heart broke resentment grew out of the crack. Finally after two and a half years, and now having my own place, resentment had gotten the better of me and I told him I was done. He said that was fine, and that I needed six months on my own to find myself anyway.
Find myself I didn't. I started dating this weirdo that was constantly checking on me to be sure I wasn't cheating on him. I was convincing myself that I didn't need or want Eric, but could only do it by staying with this fuckup until I just couldn't take it anymore.
After six months went by Eric contacted me and told me that he was very much in love with me. Anything he may have put me through was only for my benefit and that he was wearing many hats in our previous relationship. He was actually extremely proud of the way I had grown and wanted me just as I was. He also said that he never let his deepest feelings felt about me known, and would like to correct that as well. He pursued me for a few months but my resentment was just too strong, then he caught me lying to him about something that was actually pretty stupid, and I haven't heard from him since.
I didn't know it at the time but I was dying inside. Losing Eric and not being able to accept him back played a huge role in why I'm here," Rachel explained. "I had decided to get back at everything and unleash my frustration and anger.
I decided on a party. But not just any party, a sex party. I was going to fuck and suck more than I ever had. And with my newfound skills I was going to be awesome at it. I was going to feel..... something, again. A twenty-one gun salute!
I got on Facebook and invited over twenty-one men, including Jordan and Eric. All of them had hit on me in the past and I knew wanted me. All but Jordan and Eric got the full details that in order to fuck me, you had to video me doing it with another man first. I knew if I sent it to Jordan or Eric they wouldn't show. I set it up for a Friday night at seven pm sharp!. And for the finale, I invited Nick over Saturday morning.
Seven pm on Friday rolled around and nineteen men had come. Jordan and Eric being the exclusions, the fuckers! But nothing was going to ruin my party! Some were fat, some were bald, some were young and in shape, and some were old and out of shape. I fucked them all! One after another they came into my bedroom, grabbed the video recorder from the man holding it, and video'd me getting my cunt filled with lust. I made sure to tell them I only needed about the last three minutes of each guy, I didn't need the entire gangbang on film. And to their credit, each did just as they were told.
Some guys wanted to be sucked first, and I now had amazing skills. Some guys wanted their ass licked. Didn't matter to me, as long as they shot every drop of their manhood deep inside my womb.
You ever see the Discovery Channel and see like dogs doing it? How fast they go and it's over so quick? Some of these guys were like that. I think they were so nervous or so surprised I was opening my legs to them they thought they had to hurry through it before I changed my mind. It was funny. Took all I could not to laugh. I told a few of them to slow down but to no avail. They would fill me before I could really get into it.
The younger guys seemed to do better. Multiple positions, longer and harder. Being thirty three and having your brains totally fucked out by a twenty-one year old is a rush. It's hard to admit even now, but my mind kept wandering back to Jordan and Eric. It had to roughly four of five times during the party. I colapsed into a little room in my head and thought, if for only briefly, why weren't they here? How could they abandon me? Did they really just want me for sex as I thought all along? Ugh! If so, WHY AREN'T THEY HERE?
The last two guys were friends, and came in together. One grabbed the video camera while the last man filled me, then he put it on the nightstand facing the bed, and they both came at me. "Anything but anal studs, how do you want it?", I said to them. I had already fucked for hours but I was going to finish these two. They looked at each other like they could barely believe what they just heard and down went their pants. They hopped on the bed with me and we went at it. I was sucking one cock while being pumped by the other. It started reverse cowgirl and then doggie so the guys cock who was in my mouth could throatfuck me. I'm sure my face was a mess! Four hands fondling me was such a turn on. One even managed to get a finger in my ass. I turned to him and said "That's all that's going in there." They literally high fived each other while they were fucking me. One flipped on his back and I got on top to ride. The other came up behind me which I was a bit weary about, just in case he was going to try for my asshole. But he didn't. They were both in my cunt, stretching it out. Holy shit what a feeling. I felt like a girl again. It was painful bliss. They hammered away on my wet cum filled hole for five minutes. Then the one behind me grabbed my arms. I wasn't sure what that was about until I felt the head of his cock tickle my ass. I'm sure the look on my face, that only the guy beneath me could see, was priceless! The guy behind me, having both of my arms behind me, thrusted forward and plowed into my ass. Jesus it hurt! I let out a scream, but no one else was around to hear me. I shouted, "stop you fucker, I said not there!" He didn't give a shit what I said. He just pumped harder and told me to shut up. I started to break down, sobbing lightly, and moaning in pain as he thrusted into me. The guy beneath me came, and came hard. I could feel the rush of warmth inside me. The guy behind me took a few more long strokes, making me gasp from the pain, then slid out of me, thrusting fully into my loins, and released. Now that my ass was done being violated I was simply in tears. They were falling on the guy beneath me until the full injection of ra*pe was deep inside my pussy. Then the guy behind me asked if the guy under me was done. He said yes, and the guy behind me threw me off to the side. They high fived each other yet again and put on their clothes. I was left as a crying heap in the corner.
As I opened my eyes it was seven fifty am. Nick was due at eight. I knew my door couldn't be locked because no one had the key to the outside. And unless the r****t decided to sleep on my couch, the finale should go off well, in spite of what happened the night before. I took the video out of the recorder and into the DVD player and hit play.
I heard a knock at the door and yelled to come in. When I heard he was inside I yelled that I was in the bedroom and to come in. Nick was finally about to get what he wanted. Some of me back. He opened the door to see my lying naked on my bed. His jaw immediately dropped. "Want some?" I asked.
"Jesus Rachel I'd love some, I've missed you so much!" He got undressed and on the bed next to me.
I told him he has to lick it before he sticks it, and although never good at it, he was happy to oblige. I let him lick my cum filled twat for ten minutes. He asked me why it was so creamy and I told him it was that I was excited all night to see him. Not too bright huh? He bought it. Although oral is the only way I can get off, the fuck STILL couldn't get me there. Amazing! He's wanted this for years now and he still can't do it right. I mashed his face into my clit and he finally started to get the idea. He stuck his tongue so far up my juicy cunt there's no way he didn't taste nineteen men. He drank and licked it all. Every ounce that would have been dripping out of me for days was going into his stomach, the dumb fuck! He asked why there was porn on TV but no picture. I told him to turn it on. He leaned over, turned on the picture, and was in shock at what he saw. I let him watch for ten minutes in amazement. Man after man filling me with jizz.
All he could say was, "Jesus Rachel that's sick! When the fuck was that?"
At that moment I let out the stream of my morning piss all over him. Some spattered against his face but most hit his chest. I told him that video was recorded lastnight. I stood up while he was in piss covered shock, not being able to take his eyes off the video. "Did you really think you were going to get some of this good pussy you faggot? I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth! You suck in bed! You never have gotten me off. Why would I give you this goodness now? Are you really that stupid?" He had stood up as I berated him and was just in awe. I had thrown on a robe and was walking toward the door when I felt his hand smash my head against the wall.
As my eyes opened for the second time that day I felt a burning sensation behind me. It took me a second to figure out where I was since it hurt so much. I could really only muster up the smallest of yelps, though I was in tremendous pain. I was on my knees looking down at my sheets. My arms were pinned behind me and someone's weight was on my back. I turned around to find Nick fucking me, MY GOD he was fucking my ass.
"You never gave me this when we were married Rachel so now I'm taking it from you! How do you like it bitch?", he said.
I immediately broke down crying. Screaming when he went in fully, the only other thing I could do was cry. "Ok Nick I'm sorry, please stop." I managed to get out.
With that, he pulled out of my ass, plunged directly into my canal, and filled me with poison. The same poison I had hated so many times I was getting another dose of. Between the pain, being ra*ped twice in twelve hours, and the fact I had been pumped full of toxic waste by a man I despised, I just puked. When he pulled out, he raised one hand off of my arms, put it against the back of my head, and pushed. He mashed my face into my own vomit.
"If you're going to act like a dog, I'll treat you like one!", he said with all the hatred I had for him.
And with that, he was gone. I called the police to press charges, but once they talked to him and saw the video they arrested me for filing a false report. That's why I'm here talking with you now. They said if I sought counseling they would drop any changes. So doc, what's wrong with me? Can you help? I am desperate to try and get my life back where it should be. And I want to feel.... something again. It seems like most of the conclusions I come to are driven by spite, and I'm getting to old to continue to be a human pin cushion for dicks, literally and figuratively!!
"Well Rachel," said Doctor Grantham, "I can't be sure just yet. We will need to go to my lake house over the weekend in order to probe into you more thoroughly."
Rachel's mouth turned down, along with her face, and she reluctantly said, "Sure doctor, just tell me how you want it"
When I finally lost my virginity," Rachel continued, "it was with an older boy. He was sevent*een if I remember right. He was so gorgeous. I had a crush on him for months. I used to watch him from my window hang out at the local hotspot which was right across the street from my house. When we finally did it, it wasn't all that great, looking back on it, but at the time I was thrilled that he wanted me and we were together for two months after that. The sex was never better than decent, I would later come to find out, but I had the boy I wanted, and every time he pierced me I just melted. He could have done literally anything he wanted. What's funny is that now that I'm older, I realize he probably didn't have that much experience either. I figured out, a few years later, he was probably only with me for the practice. We didn't go to the same school so he had no fears of me embarrassing him in front of friends, or girls his age. Imagine coming to the realization that you lost your virginity for practice. That hurt! Still does really.
For the next five years Angel and I were on a rip. We got what we wanted from the boys, and they got what they wanted from us. We partied like crazy in those days. Plenty of d**gs too. We were on the pill so who cared right? We would pick out the boy we wanted and go after them with a vengeance. We were almost never refused. We didn't care if they had a girlfriend, or if we had a boyfriend for that matter. We were out having a good time. The short term blessings of lust and getting what we wanted was all that mattered to us. We were party girls living free and doing what we pleased. You might ask where our parents were. Well, mine were divorced and I lived with my dad. He worked odd hours and really couldn't keep track of me well. As for Angel, her mom just didn't care.
Angel and I had a falling out when I was eighteen and she moved away. My impressionable years were behind me and it was time to start being an adult, though I didn't really know what that meant.
I was working in a manufacturing plant making boxes when I was nineteen and in walks a new guy. He was so cute. I think I remember the first time I laid eyes on him. Many of the girls in the plant had the same idea I did, but I was taught by the best! So I went after him, hard! His name was Nick and I would flirt with him during breaks and whenever he was around me. He finally asked me out, and of course I said yes. We had dinner, then back to his place......
The year proceeding this time was an odd time for me. I didn't really like being an adult. Working and living on my own, without my partner in crime, was just weird. I really didn't know what I was supposed to be doing now that I was out of the house. Working and sleeping? What kind of life is that for a former party girl? Married with c***dren? That made more sense, I guess. More than working and sleeping anyway.
So back at Nick's house we start making out. He was an awesome kisser. I was now a whopping five foot two, and still only ninety pounds, and still didn't like my body. But I guess he did. As he started to fondle my small A cups I made myself more accessible to him. They were sensitive and I immediately started getting wet. Well wetter, the kissing already made me wet. By the time he had unbuttoned my jeans his lips were on my neck and I was fumbling for his zipper. He slid his finger into my freshly shaved slit and started to slide it in and out. This is nothing I hadn't already felt many times before, but just knowing that he wanted me was intoxicating and I was almost delirious with lust. I finally found his cock after having to completely pull down his pants and underwear to his knees. He helped, I should mention that. It wasn't all my doing. His cock was rock hard, and I stroked it with my hand. By now he had removed my jeans and panties and was kissing up the length of my body. He didn't even stop to eat me! I was shocked! I have a feeling in hindsight that he wasn't very experienced. He kissed up the length of my body starting at my knees. When he reached my face he kissed me deeply and slid himself inside of me. I always loved that feeling! It's like jumping into a cool pool and I always have to catch my breath. He started pumping on top of me. I was both caught up in the moment of victory, having gotten what I wanted, and absorbing the lust radiating off of him. After a few minutes of him inside me, I asked to be on top, and he was quick to flip me over on top of him while he was still inside me. I was on my knees straddling him. I was leaning forward kissing him while I took long slow strokes on his cock. When I pulled my hands from behind his head and put them on his chest, playing with his nipples, that's all he could stand. He immediately got the look I had seen many times over the years. He was cumming. I sat straight up and ground my hips into his pubic bone and reached my hand behind me to fondle his balls and he pumped his juice inside me. It felt so warm and wet. I accepted every drop he had deep into my womb. After he caught his breath he told me how incredible that was, and that he was already falling for me after just the first time. He later asked if I used any sort of birth control, to which I said no. I had stopped using it a year ago. To which he said, "well I guess we'll see what happens then."
Nick and I continued to date and in a month I found out I was pregnant. If it wasn't from the first time, which I think it was, it was from one of the several times following it. He didn't like protection but liked me. I just wanted to feel..... something. I'm still not sure what. He proposed and we wed before the baby was born.
I had a healthy baby boy. Nick and I were getting along great. We were a family! Although I still had to work, which I wasn't expecting, I had what I wanted. Over the next year and a half things couldn't have went better, except that my dad died. I took that kind of hard. Nick helped out how he could. But to be honest, I didn't marry him for his brains. When it came to emotion he was never really sure how to approach anything, if he thought about approaching it at all. When my inheritance came in, it was enough to buy Nick a truck, and to buy myself something that I always wanted, a body!
I was still five foot two and ninety pounds at this point. Although I had gained weight during the pregnancy, I had lost it all. I was still a stick figure, except now with saggy A cups instead of the perky A's I used to have. I visited a plastic surgeon for implants. I was sold immediately. I choose the C's. Nick said I didn't need them, and I appreciated his support, but *I* needed them. In less than a month after the surgery and healing, I was now five foot two and ninety pounds with beautiful thirty-four C's. I was thrilled! Needless to say I started getting a lot of attention from men.
Nick and I started fighting almost daily for about six months. He didn't really help out with our son that much and was starting to neglect me physically. He was never an especially good lover, but I still needed the sex, if only to know he still cared about me. I wish I could say I knew what started this change in our relationship, but I really can't nail it down. I left to live with my mom a short time later.
Now a single, well separated, woman again was great! I was eager to explore all the attention I had gotten from men recently. I had more self confidence than I'd ever had before, which to me meant the world. My new found body was filling out nicely. My hips finally formed due to the weight on my chest and I had curves! I went out on lots of dates but didn't really find what I wanted, until Jordan came into work.
I was working someplace else now, and Jordan had just started. Sound familiar? Anyway, he was a really cute guy and not at all like Nick. Basically the exact opposite. He had dreams and goals. It was pretty cool getting to know someone like that. We went out on a few dates and I really liked him. Nick was still pursuing me as much as I'd let him. Constant talk of missing me and his son, blah blah blah.
On my next date with Jordan, I had decided it was time to try it. We went out, had some fun, then back to his place. Before we even got started he asked if I was using protection, to which I said no. He asked me if I trusted him not to cum in me. I said yes. We started to make out and it happened much like it always does. I had a lot less sensitivity in my nipples now but I wouldn't trade them for the world. And men LOVED to play with them! Jordan slid himself inside me and a rush went up my spine. Did I mention I just love that feeling? Jordan rolled over and put me on top of him. I was sitting straight up and grinding into him. It felt awesome and he was looking at me as if he was thinking, "Jesus, you're just too good to be true!". I fell forward and started kissing him, with long slow strokes up and down his shaft. My hands roamed for his nipples and deftly found them. Less than a minute later I heard, "I'm cumming," and the warm sensation of his cum pulsing up into me. His hips bucked and his cock throbbed and he let out a grunt as he splashed the walls of my sweetness with his seed.
He asked why I didn't get off of him, of course. I just said it was feeling to good. He could definitely understand that, and passed no more judgement and asked no more questions. Jordan and I continued to date until I found out I was pregnant. Well I should say he wanted to continue dating more but I had some decisions to make and pushed him away the best I could. Nick was still hounding me to come back as well, knowing full well I was carrying another mans c***d. I'm sure that ripped his heart out. But what do you expect when you neglect me? It's not like he didn't deserve it! Months later I decided to go back to Nick. I felt kinda bad for Jordan, he had really wanted a future with me. I was in a bad spot emotionally. Still looking for.... something. Jordan came after me for custody and won. I was emotionally a wreck and just didn't know where I was or where I was going. I still got my second healthy baby boy every other weekend.
Nick and I lasted another seven years. Don't ask me how. A lot of it was just me feeling trapped. I was angry most of the time. Just about everything he did annoyed me. All I was worried about was protecting the roof over the head of my so*n and I. A small price to pay I guess. But he really disgusted me daily. Resentment had set in, and I didn't even try to let it go. It grew like a weed in the garden, choking off everything good in my life, other than my sons. I had put up with it for years. Our fights became more and more intense. I did whatever I could to just avoid him around the house. When he wanted sex, it was like being fucked by a monster. The thought alone turned my stomach. He rarely ever got it. There was always some excuse I could make. When he did, he lasted all of three minutes before injecting his poison into me. I nearly vomited every time he came.
My so*n and I moved back in with my mom and her husband. I still had my other son every other weekend and they played like c***dren do. I was always most fulfilled when I watched them play and the love in their hearts they had for each other, and the love I hoped they felt from me. Only being half br*others never seemed to phase them in the least. Neither did living apart. When they were together it was just pure joy, and the only joy in my heart came from seeing it.
Then I met Eric. You might be surprised to know I didn't meet him at work! In fact I was unemployed at the time. He met me at a low point in my life. I was so angry, scared, frustrated, confused. My outlook on life was bad, my attitude worse, and I had totally shut down aside from loving my blessed boys. Eric asked to help me, and I accepted. We spoke for weeks, for hours on end. He gave me different ways to view things that had happened in my life. Some were pretty hard to swallow, but I knew were true. He was basically my unofficial ther****t. And it worked! Over weeks my attitude started to change. Little things didn't get to me anymore. My anger and spite subsided. I had direction and a roadmap to get things started in the right direction.
After months had gone by and I was doing much better emotionally, Eric told me that he found me attractive and would love to see me on a part time basis and see how things went. He didn't want us seeing each other to negatively impact the plans I was making. I was happy for three reasons, one, the guy was smart, like really smart! The insight he gave me was priceless helping me. Two, he had his shit together. He had his place, his own money, he was single, attractive, and I hoped fun. Three, if experience is any true sign of how good you are in bed, which it isn't normally, he was going to be AWESOME!
That's how we started. As we continued with our long talks about the right direction and the focus I needed to get things done, we had sex twice a week. He was phenomenal. I had only had a handful of orgasms in my life, he gave me one the first time, and every time after that. In fact he found a way to make me have multiples, Jesus I was in heaven! And NOTHING I could do could make him cum before he was ready. He would pound me for hours, with short breaks of course. He once told me, "I don't know if I'll ever be able to split you in two, but I sure am going to try!". Fuck how sexy! When he came, it was like a magical experience. It was SO fucking sexy. He totally flooded me. I dripped him for days. Knowing that I carried him inside me was so beautiful. He asked that I go on the pill early on and in spite of my past, trusted me. He aroused my mind as well as my body. I, deep down, was always submissive, I was just forced to get what I wanted. He was dominant, and allowed me to feel what a true submissive does. It was tender, caring, loving, erotic, and a blast! After I came he would massage my body and face, letting the warmth of my orgasm totally wash over me, before mounting me again and starting over. He touched me in ways no other man has, or probably will. He explored my body and encouraged me to explore it with him, so I could communicate what felt best.
He also taught me about being with a man. About the male anatomy and how it worked. What feels good to a man. He let me explore his body without rush, to see and feel what a man was really like. He also refined every skill I thought I had, and taught me a few new ones.
We ended up falling in love. He was proud of the person I'd become, and I was totally enamored that this man wanted me. He let me be who I was, while giving me insight to change if I wanted it. He treated me better than I thought possible and I finally knew how real adults act when they care for someone. Compliments, gifts just because, thoughtfulness, it was amazing. He filled my heart with more love than I knew possible.
I found a job, my divorce became final, he even held my hand to the dentist, of which I was phobic. But that didn't last forever. We started having problems about a year in because he said I never told him how I feel. Communicating my feelings was never something I was good at. It would break my heart when we fought. He would pull away and told me many times that just because we were now in a relationship that doesn't mean I no longer needed to grow. When I convinced him I would, we would start seeing each other again. This cycle lasted for two years. Every six months or so we would run into issues. Mostly about my lack of communication, and back to the beginning we'd go.
Each time my heart broke resentment grew out of the crack. Finally after two and a half years, and now having my own place, resentment had gotten the better of me and I told him I was done. He said that was fine, and that I needed six months on my own to find myself anyway.
Find myself I didn't. I started dating this weirdo that was constantly checking on me to be sure I wasn't cheating on him. I was convincing myself that I didn't need or want Eric, but could only do it by staying with this fuckup until I just couldn't take it anymore.
After six months went by Eric contacted me and told me that he was very much in love with me. Anything he may have put me through was only for my benefit and that he was wearing many hats in our previous relationship. He was actually extremely proud of the way I had grown and wanted me just as I was. He also said that he never let his deepest feelings felt about me known, and would like to correct that as well. He pursued me for a few months but my resentment was just too strong, then he caught me lying to him about something that was actually pretty stupid, and I haven't heard from him since.
I didn't know it at the time but I was dying inside. Losing Eric and not being able to accept him back played a huge role in why I'm here," Rachel explained. "I had decided to get back at everything and unleash my frustration and anger.
I decided on a party. But not just any party, a sex party. I was going to fuck and suck more than I ever had. And with my newfound skills I was going to be awesome at it. I was going to feel..... something, again. A twenty-one gun salute!
I got on Facebook and invited over twenty-one men, including Jordan and Eric. All of them had hit on me in the past and I knew wanted me. All but Jordan and Eric got the full details that in order to fuck me, you had to video me doing it with another man first. I knew if I sent it to Jordan or Eric they wouldn't show. I set it up for a Friday night at seven pm sharp!. And for the finale, I invited Nick over Saturday morning.
Seven pm on Friday rolled around and nineteen men had come. Jordan and Eric being the exclusions, the fuckers! But nothing was going to ruin my party! Some were fat, some were bald, some were young and in shape, and some were old and out of shape. I fucked them all! One after another they came into my bedroom, grabbed the video recorder from the man holding it, and video'd me getting my cunt filled with lust. I made sure to tell them I only needed about the last three minutes of each guy, I didn't need the entire gangbang on film. And to their credit, each did just as they were told.
Some guys wanted to be sucked first, and I now had amazing skills. Some guys wanted their ass licked. Didn't matter to me, as long as they shot every drop of their manhood deep inside my womb.
You ever see the Discovery Channel and see like dogs doing it? How fast they go and it's over so quick? Some of these guys were like that. I think they were so nervous or so surprised I was opening my legs to them they thought they had to hurry through it before I changed my mind. It was funny. Took all I could not to laugh. I told a few of them to slow down but to no avail. They would fill me before I could really get into it.
The younger guys seemed to do better. Multiple positions, longer and harder. Being thirty three and having your brains totally fucked out by a twenty-one year old is a rush. It's hard to admit even now, but my mind kept wandering back to Jordan and Eric. It had to roughly four of five times during the party. I colapsed into a little room in my head and thought, if for only briefly, why weren't they here? How could they abandon me? Did they really just want me for sex as I thought all along? Ugh! If so, WHY AREN'T THEY HERE?
The last two guys were friends, and came in together. One grabbed the video camera while the last man filled me, then he put it on the nightstand facing the bed, and they both came at me. "Anything but anal studs, how do you want it?", I said to them. I had already fucked for hours but I was going to finish these two. They looked at each other like they could barely believe what they just heard and down went their pants. They hopped on the bed with me and we went at it. I was sucking one cock while being pumped by the other. It started reverse cowgirl and then doggie so the guys cock who was in my mouth could throatfuck me. I'm sure my face was a mess! Four hands fondling me was such a turn on. One even managed to get a finger in my ass. I turned to him and said "That's all that's going in there." They literally high fived each other while they were fucking me. One flipped on his back and I got on top to ride. The other came up behind me which I was a bit weary about, just in case he was going to try for my asshole. But he didn't. They were both in my cunt, stretching it out. Holy shit what a feeling. I felt like a girl again. It was painful bliss. They hammered away on my wet cum filled hole for five minutes. Then the one behind me grabbed my arms. I wasn't sure what that was about until I felt the head of his cock tickle my ass. I'm sure the look on my face, that only the guy beneath me could see, was priceless! The guy behind me, having both of my arms behind me, thrusted forward and plowed into my ass. Jesus it hurt! I let out a scream, but no one else was around to hear me. I shouted, "stop you fucker, I said not there!" He didn't give a shit what I said. He just pumped harder and told me to shut up. I started to break down, sobbing lightly, and moaning in pain as he thrusted into me. The guy beneath me came, and came hard. I could feel the rush of warmth inside me. The guy behind me took a few more long strokes, making me gasp from the pain, then slid out of me, thrusting fully into my loins, and released. Now that my ass was done being violated I was simply in tears. They were falling on the guy beneath me until the full injection of ra*pe was deep inside my pussy. Then the guy behind me asked if the guy under me was done. He said yes, and the guy behind me threw me off to the side. They high fived each other yet again and put on their clothes. I was left as a crying heap in the corner.
As I opened my eyes it was seven fifty am. Nick was due at eight. I knew my door couldn't be locked because no one had the key to the outside. And unless the r****t decided to sleep on my couch, the finale should go off well, in spite of what happened the night before. I took the video out of the recorder and into the DVD player and hit play.
I heard a knock at the door and yelled to come in. When I heard he was inside I yelled that I was in the bedroom and to come in. Nick was finally about to get what he wanted. Some of me back. He opened the door to see my lying naked on my bed. His jaw immediately dropped. "Want some?" I asked.
"Jesus Rachel I'd love some, I've missed you so much!" He got undressed and on the bed next to me.
I told him he has to lick it before he sticks it, and although never good at it, he was happy to oblige. I let him lick my cum filled twat for ten minutes. He asked me why it was so creamy and I told him it was that I was excited all night to see him. Not too bright huh? He bought it. Although oral is the only way I can get off, the fuck STILL couldn't get me there. Amazing! He's wanted this for years now and he still can't do it right. I mashed his face into my clit and he finally started to get the idea. He stuck his tongue so far up my juicy cunt there's no way he didn't taste nineteen men. He drank and licked it all. Every ounce that would have been dripping out of me for days was going into his stomach, the dumb fuck! He asked why there was porn on TV but no picture. I told him to turn it on. He leaned over, turned on the picture, and was in shock at what he saw. I let him watch for ten minutes in amazement. Man after man filling me with jizz.
All he could say was, "Jesus Rachel that's sick! When the fuck was that?"
At that moment I let out the stream of my morning piss all over him. Some spattered against his face but most hit his chest. I told him that video was recorded lastnight. I stood up while he was in piss covered shock, not being able to take his eyes off the video. "Did you really think you were going to get some of this good pussy you faggot? I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last man on earth! You suck in bed! You never have gotten me off. Why would I give you this goodness now? Are you really that stupid?" He had stood up as I berated him and was just in awe. I had thrown on a robe and was walking toward the door when I felt his hand smash my head against the wall.
As my eyes opened for the second time that day I felt a burning sensation behind me. It took me a second to figure out where I was since it hurt so much. I could really only muster up the smallest of yelps, though I was in tremendous pain. I was on my knees looking down at my sheets. My arms were pinned behind me and someone's weight was on my back. I turned around to find Nick fucking me, MY GOD he was fucking my ass.
"You never gave me this when we were married Rachel so now I'm taking it from you! How do you like it bitch?", he said.
I immediately broke down crying. Screaming when he went in fully, the only other thing I could do was cry. "Ok Nick I'm sorry, please stop." I managed to get out.
With that, he pulled out of my ass, plunged directly into my canal, and filled me with poison. The same poison I had hated so many times I was getting another dose of. Between the pain, being ra*ped twice in twelve hours, and the fact I had been pumped full of toxic waste by a man I despised, I just puked. When he pulled out, he raised one hand off of my arms, put it against the back of my head, and pushed. He mashed my face into my own vomit.
"If you're going to act like a dog, I'll treat you like one!", he said with all the hatred I had for him.
And with that, he was gone. I called the police to press charges, but once they talked to him and saw the video they arrested me for filing a false report. That's why I'm here talking with you now. They said if I sought counseling they would drop any changes. So doc, what's wrong with me? Can you help? I am desperate to try and get my life back where it should be. And I want to feel.... something again. It seems like most of the conclusions I come to are driven by spite, and I'm getting to old to continue to be a human pin cushion for dicks, literally and figuratively!!
"Well Rachel," said Doctor Grantham, "I can't be sure just yet. We will need to go to my lake house over the weekend in order to probe into you more thoroughly."
Rachel's mouth turned down, along with her face, and she reluctantly said, "Sure doctor, just tell me how you want it"
Clover
- 12.12.2022
- 22
- 0
