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Me to communicate a lot in a short period of time. Always a challenge. This is an idea that I've had for a while, and have never seen anyone else do it. I tbought, what better time to do it than for a contest. Even if it doesn't win, place , or show, I am proud of it ANIMA by Raven. Gloria Harding came highly recommended. The word was that she was very highly skilled at helping people who were gender dysphoric like myself. It didn't take very long for me to see that her reputation was very well deserved. She proved to be very insightful, yet her manner was very gentle. Dr. Harding had the type of personality which you often hear described as someone you feel like you've known all of your life. This type of demeanor is very helpful to gender dysphorics, who are naturally very reticent about disclosing what exists inside of them. After very few minutes with Dr. Harding, I found myself wanting to tell her of the things which I had kept hidden all of my life. Dr. Harding asked me a question which made a lot of sense. "Why do you feel a need to talk about this now Stephen?" "I don't know, really. I've tried every way that I know to be rid of this thing. Nothing that I have done on my own has helped. All that I know is that the fantasies that I dream about have always interferred with every relationship that I've ever had. I guess I just thought that it was time to seek the advice of someone like you, Dr. Harding." "Please, call me Gloria, or actually Glory, which I prefer. After all, you are telling me your most intimate secret. Don't you think that we should be on a first name basis?" Glory gave me a warm reassuring smile. "You're right Glory. Of course." "The first step is to not refer to your fantasy as it' or that' or by any other vague, non-descriptive name. The thing to do is to let it out....say what it actually is!" There was a pregnant pause. It was actually hard for me to say the words, and I thought, after all of this time, it would be a lot easier." Glory understood what I was going through. "Take your time. It's okay. You're perfectly safe here, and nothing horrible is going to happen to you." Her words gave me the courage to speak what was in my heart, and in my dreams. "I have always fantasized about being a woman." "Isn't that better, now that you've said it?" Glory was right. The fact that I actually told another living person, face- to-face, felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. It felt like I could breathe for the very first time. She let a moment pass for me to just enjoy the feeling, before inquiring further. "What type of woman do you fantasize being?" It came easier now that the hard part was over. "I don't know. All kinds really." "Well, is their any common characteristics? Is there any trait that you dream about over and over?" There was. I hadn't really thought about it until this very second. "Yes. She . . . I am short. Not short like 5'4" or 5'5", but really short like 5'0" or shorter. I guess that I fantasize about being petite, except for the breasts which are very large. I fantasize about being very pretty so that no man could resist me." Glory had me on a roll now. "Is there anything else Stephen?" I concentrated my mind's eye once again. "I dream that she . . . I am very feminine, very soft. I have very long, thick hair, that goes all of the way to my . . . uh . . . posterior. I guess the last thing is that I fantasize about having a real feminine name like Tiffany, Heather, Jennifer or something." "Do you fantasize about a particular color of hair?" "Brunette. Not the light brunette that sometimes gets mistaken for a blonde, but a very dark brunette." Glory raised one single eyebrow, as if she had heard something different or original. I imagined in her line of work she has heard fantasies very close to mine. I didn't think that she would be surprised in any way by what I had to say. Now that the physical description was out of the way, Glory asked a more pointed question. "Why do you think about this particular type of woman?" Many people would probably be stumped by such a question. However, it was a question that I had considered long ago. The answer wasn't hard. "It is a type of a woman who would never be alone. She would always have some one to love her, and someone to love back." Now we were getting down to the heart of the matter. Glory probed further, "You don't feel like you can find someone who loves you now, or someone to love back?" Her last query brought a tear to my eye. It struck a nerve. "We can stop now if you like," she soothed in a comforting voice. "You have come very far for a first visit. Most people who are like you sometimes take years to get this far. There is no need to push yourself if it's going to hurt. It will come eventually." The problem was that I didn't want to stop. Now that the dam of emotions had burst within me, everything was coming flooding out. I couldn't stop it now even if I wanted to. I shook my head "No." "Okay. We'll go on. If you feel like you need to stop, just let me know." I shook my head "Yes" this time, acknowledging her instructions. There was another pause as she waited for me to answer her last question. "You're right. That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I'm broken inside. You know?" "Yes I do Stephen. Many people who are like you feel just as you do. It's very common." That also made me feel a little better. Before I could say anything else, Glory challenged me, "What do you want to do about it Stephen?" I knew the answer to that query also. "I want you to take those fantasies away. I want you to erase that part of me." Glory pondered silently for a second. "Tell me. How long have you been fantasizing about being a woman." "Ever since I was a little boy. I used to take my G.I. Joe and pretend that it changed into my sister's Barbie." "So it has been a part of you for a long time?" "Yes. It has." "Don't you think that if I could erase it, that it would make you feel imcomplete. Don't you think that it might make a hole within you that would make you worse than you believe that you are now." It was a very hard question. In the end, it didn't matter. I couldn't imagine anything being worse. It was painful to go through life feeling like you were somehow like a freak. "No. I don't care. I just want that part of me to be gone." "What if we could do something else." "Such as?" "For instance, have you considered having a sexual relationship with a man?" "NO!" I objected. "I am not a homosexual." "If you were a woman, as you want to be, you would be with a man. It sounds to me like you would be with a lot of men. What is the difference?" "It just is. I would never, ever think of having a realtionship with a man. If I was a woman, it would be different. I would be able to enjoy those things because I would be a different person." "I see." rejoined Glory, as she wrote something down on her pad. I was silent as she wrote. "What if we try to integrate all of the parts of your personality so that you can go forward and find someone?" "I don't understand." Glory put down her pad, looking me in the eye. It appeared as if she was done asking questions, and was about to explain something to me. "Stephen, have you ever heard of something called the anima?" "Anima? No. I never have. What is it?" "Many psychologists believe that part of a man's personality is actually feminine. On the same token, part of a woman's personality is maculine. That part of a man's make up that is feminine is called the anima." My ears perked up. "Oh really?" "Yes. The problem is that we find is that, like anything, the anima appears in each man in varying degrees. We find that if the anima is strong enough, it causes gender dysphoria, along the lines of what you are experiencing." "That's very interesting. I have an anima." "Yes you do. In the cases of anima which are the strongest, we have found a dichotimous personality." "A dichotomous personality?" I asked, swallowing hard. "That is where a person's personality is, for example . . . creative on one hand and analytical on the other. However, those qualities never seem to be integrated as they should. Those parts become identified on one particular side of the personality. The anima can split off, identifying with one side or another." "That sounds a lot like me Glory. The thing is that those parts always seem to be working against each other, rather then working together." "Yes. That is always how it is. One of the African tribes that I studied when I was overseas had a name for it, B'nar'te'reth. It means divivded spirit." "What do you do if you have a divided spirit.?" "It is much like treating a multiple personality disorder, although not as extreme. The goal is to integrate the parts, including the anima into the whole personality. That is what I would like to try with you Stephen. If you'll let me." I thought about it seriously for a few minutes. Glory was good enough to let me alone while I pondered her proposal. "Would the anima still be a part of me?" "Yes it would, although, it would be integrated back into your psyche. It would make you functional." I didn't even hesitate. "Then I don't want to do it. I would rather have you erase the anima altogether." Glory seemed somewhat surprised by this. "Think carefully about that. Such an action could have dire consequences in a divided spirit. If we were to erase the anima, we could also erase a good portion of your creativity or analytical ability. It would depend on which side it has become associated with. It could also split some of your emotions or knowledge or other various portions of your personality. Basically, every portion of your personality has become associated with one side or the other. In a very real sense of the word you would be killing half of your being." "I don't care. The anima has been such a poison upon my soul that I just want it to be gone. This female part of me has prevented me from being a better man." Glory picked her tablet back up, writing down a long passage. I was impatient now. I sensed that I was close to some type of breakthrough. "Can you help me Glory? Can you erase my anima?" "I think I can help you. Your case is very extreme. In fact, I have only ever seen one other person who was so willing to surrender half of their being to be rid of the anima. There is a treatment that I have used only once before...." "Can you do it to me?" I inquired eagerly. "I can. You must know that it will, as I have said, make you incomplete. You will be dependent on other people for those parts of your personality which are missing. The cure for some can be worse than the actual problem." "I don't care. I am willing to take that risk." "Very well. Before we begin, there are two tests that I would like to do. They are simple test...but needed if I am to complete the treatment." Glory got up from her seat to gather various articles from around the room. As she did I asked her if I could have a glass of water. We had been talking so much that my throat and mouth were dry. I crossed the room to where there was chilled spring water. The liquid tasted so good...almost sweet. "Can you do this treatment all at one time?" Glory answered me from across the side of the office. "Yes. It takes only one. Would you come over here please?" I joined Glory by a long table. On the table where three items. There was a pair of reading glasses, a teddy bear, and a Susan B. Anthony dollar. Glory picked up the coin first, handing it to me. "Take the coin. I want you to simply flip it. You may put it on any side before you flip it, or catch it any way that you wish. However, you must flip it, and catch it." Strange test, I mused. I wondered what it could possibly accomplish? Nevertheless, I did as she requested, with the coin landing on "heads." "Hmmm?" mumbled Glory. "Okay. Now the glasses on the table represent intellect. The teddy bear represents emotion. I want you to pick the one which you believe identifies the real you." It was another odd test. There was really no contest here. Everybody has always decribed me as an emotional being. I chose the teddy bear. Glory took the teddy bear from me with another cryptic, "Hmmm." "Okay. You can go back over to the couch. I'll be there in a minute." I did as Glory instucted me to do. Glory returned shortly with what appeared to be a hand crafted medallion. She handed it to me, while at the same time instructing, "Here. Put this on." "What is this? I'm afraid that I don't understand." "It's part of a ceremony by that African tribe that I was telling you about. What you are holding in your hands is called the "Heart of Hearts," and they use it to cure the Divided Spirit." "Let me get this straight. You want me to participate in some African tribal ritual? How can that possibly help?" I was a little irritated now. I expected some technical psychological treatment, not some "hokey" shaman's ritual. I guess Glory could hear the concern in my voice because she tried to assure me, while begging my endulgence. "I know that it must sound like. Please just save your questions for the end. It operates much like hypnosis." "Like hypnosis?" "Yes, Stephen. That is what it has been compared to. There is nothing to be afraid of. If it is successful, it will set your spirit free." I reluctantly agreed to go along with Glory's request. I knew, after all was said and done, she was just trying to help me. She is trying to do as I asked her. I slipped the medalion on over my head. I could feel the weight of it pulling against my neck as it lay upon my chest. "Now just relax. I'm going to read to you the tribal chant. It's not going to make any sense to you, but just listen to it. You'll find it soothing, and will begin to feel tired. Don't fight it. Just go with it." The words were indeed strange. They were composed of many syllables and sounds. It took all of my concenration just to hear each of the alien words that Glory spoke. By and by, I found that such intense concentration was beginning to tire me. Exhausted would be more of an accurate word. I yawned. I slumped a lityle lower in the couch, as her chanting continued. It was so relaxing. I thought that if I could just rest my eyes, by closing them for a moment, maybe I could pay attention to the words. So. . .comfortable. Maybe. . .I. . . . ********** Glory had seen the narcotic effect of the chant only twice. Once was in Africa, with the shamen who shared its secrets with her. The other time was here, in the States, when she used the ritual on another lost soul, like Stephen. That rite, like the one she saw in Africa, worked perfecftly. It still amazed Glory that, in a world of daily technological breakthroughs, there were still matters of the spirit that were so poorly uinderstood. Glory continued her chant from the script in her hands. The body of Stephen began to soften, as it lost its cohesion. She watched as his form began to take on the aspect of a malleable substance . . . like clay. Glory well knew that she was not dealing with an inanimate substance like clay, but with flesh and blood. With each word, the body of Stephen softened still futher. His body appeared like it was having trouble holding a shape. In fact, it began more to resemble an ameoba like substance that was ever shifting, pulsing with the beat of life. The first passage of the chant was finished. Glory looked up from the arcane text to the gelatinous blob of flesh that was left on the couch. The mass, nearly double in size from that of Stephen, oozed over the cushions, as well as the sides and arms of the sofa. Deep with in that mass was the mind of Stephen. Now came the hard part. Glory flipped the text upside down, commencing to read the inverted words backward. The first time that she saw this done in Africa, she thought that it would simply reform the body. Not so. With each new word, the opposite sides of the quivering mass of flesh began to pull away from the other. There were distinct accumulations of flesh to either side of the mass, but the were not equal. One side seemed to have almost twice as much of the mass. Between them stretched a bridge of living flesh. To all of the world it would have looked just like a giant cell dividing by mytosis. This was more . . . much more. Glory was getting close to the end now. Her words took on more passion. This was a profoundly moving phenomenon, even to an observer like herself. The bridge of flesh between the disparite masses grew ever thinner, until it was barely more than a gossamer thread. Then the bridge was no more. Then slender tendril floated to the side of each mass, like a hair falling into place, only to be absorbed. Glory's work was done. The only thing left for her to do was to watch in amazement at the wonder before her. Later, after it was all over, there would be an adjustement period which would require her supervision. The two separate masses began to soldify, forming roughly humanoid shapes. As the seconds went by, they continued to form. The smaller mass on the left took on a curvaeous, softer aspect, while the one to the right was more angular. Glory knew from the past that the smaller mass was a woman, the larger a man. With the rough shape formed, details became manifest. The larger form resumed the familar visage of her patient, Stephen. However, the smaller mass took on the precise qualities of the girl that he fantasized about being. Stephen's anima took on a life and existence of it's own. Even the idealized clothing, as well as other smaller details came into being. For instance, the navel of the woman, exposed by a short shirt, was pierced with a gleeming ring. A few moments later, there, to the left side of the couch was a very small brunette woman, with very large, firm breasts. She looked like she was in her early twenties. This woman was extremely beautiful, her face framed by long thick brunette hair flowing over her shoulder, and down her back. She wore a short skirt, high heels, and a skimpy top that left nothing to the imagination. Her make up was even perfect. Glory had never seen a more sexual creature in all of her life. She stood, approaching the two bodies, as the eyes of the woman began to flutter into consiousness. ********** I woke up feeling very refreshed. In fact, it felt like a big wieght had been lifted off of my shoulders. I focused my eyes, which were momentarily blurry, on the smiling face of Glory. "Is it all over?" I asked, but abruptly halted. My voice was strange to my ears. It was much higher and softer than I remembered it to be. "It's okay. You're going to be fine. The first seconds are always the hardest. Just look down, and the worst part of it will all be over." I looked down to see a very low cut top, with two creamy, large breasts. "I-I've got boobs!" I cried in that voice. Now I knew why it was so high. "Of course you do. Most women do, although not in such a generous amount." "I'm a woman?" "Yes you are. That is what the Heart of Hearts does. It was made to separate a divided spirit into two beings." "But where is. . ." I started to say, looking around the room. My words were cut off by the sight of my old body sleeping on the other end of the couch. "He is over there, resting. He will regain consiousness in a few minutes. He has a bit of a harder job than you. The true form is always the one that recovers quicker." "I wanted to erase my anima, not give it its own body. Why am I here in this body, and not in my own?" The anger at what Glory had done to me boiled to the surface. "That is your true form. The tests revealed this to be so. The first was a test of mere chance . . . destiny. The second was to confirm, and to see that there was no conflict. You chose as your ture nature the more emotional, the more femimine." "B-but if I'm in here, who is that over there?" I implored softly. "That is also you. More accurately, it is an aspect of you. The Heart didives the components that make up an essence into two parts. One will be the more intellectual, the other the more instinctual, for instance. One will be the more emotional, the other the more analytical. So on, and so forth, including things like sex drive, or being good and bad. That is not to say that each part of a personality had to absolutely go to one side or the other. They just divided in uneaqual parts. Small parts of what makes up the other still reside within you." I had a hard time following Glory's big words. What was happening to me? "Go ahead. Try to remember anything that you learned in college," she instructed. I tried to do as she asked. There was nothing. All of my knowledge was gone. I felt tears form in my eyes. "You have a lot of the emotions. Don't worry. You also have almost all of the creativity now. You will find without the hinderence of a lot of intellect your artistic side will flourish. Tell me. Is there anything else that you have ever wanted to be?" "I always wanted to be a singer. They get to express theirselves better than anyone else." "If that was part of your fantasy woman, then I suspect that it will be a part of you." "You mean?" "Yes. You have become the physical equivalent of your anima." I just sat there taking all of it in. It was so hard to think, which I imagined was a part of my reduced mental capabilities. That didn't seem to matter anymore. The original outrage that I felt upon waking start to melt away. I was finally free of that male body. Everything seemed. . .as it should be. It seemed everything was as it was always meant to be. I was happy. My hands moved over myself, feeling everything. Everything was new and exciting, but at the same time felt completely natural. "There is one other thing." stated Glory. "Yes?" My voice didn't sound so weird anymore. "To your other over there it will seem that I have done as he requested. It will be only as if his anima was removed. Know that the two of you are two halves of a whole. You must always be with each other for you each to feel complete. You will see as soon as you talk with him. There will be chemistry. There will be attraction. You will be closer than any two lovers can ever be. You have become your own perfect mate. I tell you this because it is a woman's job to keep a relationship together." "I'll remember. I promise." While we were talking, Glory and I both noticed my male half starting to stir. Glory looked at me earnestly. "Perhaps you can go to the restroom while I orient him. There are things which I need to say to him, which you cannot hear, just as there are thing which I have said to you. It will give you a chance to get to know the new you. You understand?" I stood for the first time, uneasily, acknowledging Glory at the same time, "Yes. Of course." My first step toward her office door was a bit wobbly. The balance of my body felt all wrong, and the high heels weren't helping any either. The second step was a little easier. "Take it easy. It will come. Just move around, and don't fight the body. It will all feel quite natural." Glory was right. By the time I got to her office door, I was walking quite comfortably in high heels. The initial alarm at my rear end swishing back and forth, and my breasts bouncing with each step faded into pleasant sensations. Of course, the most alarming thing was discovering that I was so short. All of the furnishings in the room seemed a bit higher now . . . slightly bigger. "Oh God. How tall am I now?" I gasped. Glory's eyes scanned my form up and down. "No more than 4'11" I would say." "I really am the girl that I fantasized about being aren't I?" "Yes you are. That is how it works. The Heart separates your anima from your spirit into a separate being. Your consciousness chose to go with your anima. You might want to think of a name for yourself." "Uh . . . okay," I said opening her door. The feeling of my big tits on my upper arms as I moved about didn't feel the least bit unusual now. I did have trouble opening the door, as it felt stiffer than it did before. A glance at my wildly slender upper arms told me that my physical strength was no more. It was getting harder and harder to understand Glory's explanations. They were getting boring too. All I needed to know was that I was suddenly a girl. It was a girl that I had to look at right away. "Excuse me. Who are you?" I heard from behind me. I spun on my high heel easily, feeling my long, heavy hear swirl about me, and over one shoulder as I did. I came face to face with Glory's receptionist. I had to think fast, which was very difficult for me now. "Uh . . . um . . . I'm Stephen's girlfriend." She gazed at me suspiciously. "I didn't see you come in." The whole thing was scaring me now. "I . . . you weren't here when I c-came in. I came in late, after Stephen." "Oh. I must have been in the bathroom." That seemed to satisfy her. "Where's the ba . . . ladies' room?" I inquired, remembering my new sex. "Out the doors, and to the left. It's the first door on your left. By the way, what's your name." Now I had to think fast. I just blurted out the first thing that popped into my head. "Uh . . . Lorilei." The receptionist stuck out her hand to greet me. "It's nice to meet you, Lorilei. That's a very pretty name." "Thanks." I commented as I tried to open the double glass doors into the hall. The were very heavy because I was so small and weak now. Still, with a grunting effort, I was able to get the doors open. I walked as sedately as possible down the hall toward the restroom. There were a lot of people in the hallway, as Glory's office was situated in a popular office building. I felt so short walking by all of the people. They all towered over me, even the other women. Each and every guy, stared at me. They all did a double take at me, and I could feel them turn and watch me as I walked away. At first, it made me feel very awkward, and self-conscious. However, I found as the seconds passed, that I enjoyed the attention I was getting. It felt good to be looked at this way. Fortunately, there was nobody inside the ladies room. I paused for just a moment before stepping into the reflection of the mirror. The image made me gasp for a second time. The woman reflected there was the most gorgeous creature that I had ever seen. She was . . . me! My face was heart shaped, with flawless skin. The nose was pert, small, and slightly upturned. However, the eye were the most striking feature. They were dark brown, and dewy. They were the king of eye you would describe as "bedroom eyes." My lips were plump, and very kissable, completing the package. It was a face that looked as if it hadn't ever had an intelligent though in its head. It was a face that appeared as if the only thought that ever crossed its mind was of a sexual nature. There was the vapid expression of an air-headed bimbo permenantly afixed to it. Magnetic . . . hypnotic. My attention shifted to the large boobs on my chest. I lifted them, one in each hand. My hands now were small, petite, with finely manicured nails. It was just too much to take in. I was free . . . free of that prison that had kept me trapped all of these years. How could I have wanted to erase this part of me? How could I have ever wanted to give this up. None of the fantasies that I have ever had could compare with the reality of being my anima. It was the only thing I had ever wanted, and now I was free. I wrapped my arms around myself, giving myself an embrace of pure joy. I started to spin and spin like I had as a child. I was free from the curse of being a man. I looked at my perfect face again in the mirror. An evil smirk flickered across my lucious lips. As long as I looked like a bad girl, I wanted to really be a bad girl! Depraved thoughts of what I could do to the guys who stared at me while coming to the restroom danced across my mind. ********** Glory was just finising up with Stephen in her office. "That's right. I'm afraid that your anima good the better part of a lot of your negative qualities. She'll be vain, oversexxed, petulant, emotional, and not very bright. She'll be a real bimbo, in the classic sense of the word. You'll need to watch her every second. However, she will be affectionate, and she will love you . . .deeply. She'll sense in you the good that she isn't." ********** After ten minutes if more intimate self exploration, in one of the stalls, I strolled back to Glory's office. This time I walked slower so I could really enjoy the admiring glances of all the guys. I again had trouble opening the glass doors to Glory's office. However, some nice looking man helped me out. I thanked him by placing one hand on his and squeezing. The receptionist greeted me. "Lorilei. The Doctor said for you to go right back in." "Thanks." I opened the door to Glory's office. There, standing and waiting for me, was my old body, my other. The instant that my eyes met his there was a spark. There was a connection from across the room, the likes of which I had never felt before. It was an intense feeling of pure love, and I thought my heart would just leap through my chest. I rushed into his open arms, and we kissed deeply without ever saying a word. My tongue danced with his. I felt complete . . . whole. It felt like my heart was beating for the very first time. My big tits flattened into his abdomen, when he hugged me tightly. I could feel the bulge of his penis against me. He took my face between his hands, and began to run hid fingers through my hair, massaging my scalp. We kissed deeply again. It was the most profoundly erotic . . . and romantic expeirence of my life. Glory's words broke us our of it. We still stood there in an embrace, hands intertwined. "That is the truly special part of the ritual. Each of you are the other's true love. I never get tired of seeing that first time the two halves of a divided soul see each other. Love stories should be so intense." My other answered, "Thank you Glory. We both thank you. Everything will be perfect now." He looked down at me with a look of utter adoration. "It isn't going to be easy. Remember, she has no identity now. Your going to have to establish her as a person, and I can't help you with that." Glory gazed down at me, lost in my other's loving arms. "As for you . . . Lorilei. I would recommend that as soon as you establish an identity, that you go to modeling school so that you can learn all of the things that a woman should know." Modeling school, I pondered? What a great idea! "I will" I tugged on the hand of my other. "Let's go home. We have a lot of exploring to do. I have a feeling that I'll know what you like." He laughed, as I felt the nipples on my boobs swell for the first time. * * *