Downsides and Upsides
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Both Sides Now free porn video
Both Sides Now
by Radioactive Loner
The day was dark, and a sheer wind went skating along the ice of the river
before pole-vaulting into the faces of those trying to cross the bridge.
That wind slapped me right in the face as I hiked up my scarf, bustling my
way across as quickly as I could. My goal was to get to the subway as
quick as I could, to hopefully get in on the beginning of the rush hour
crowd. Thanks to a poorly equipped mass transit system, I could count on
being tightly wedged into a spot on the car ... that is to say, if I could
get on at all.
I vaulted up the stairs of the terminal and then found myself forced to
halt and catch my breath ... nothing like being thunderously overweight to
shortchange the body of most of its talents. Seeing a train pull into the
station, I managed to push my way through the crowds and push myself right
into a small opening in the mass horde -- my fellow subway patrons glaring
at me as their bundles got pushed closer to their legs. I essayed a weak
grin of apology. Seeing only hostile glances returned my way (bad moods
being prevalent in Midwest blizzard weather), I sighed and looked out the
window at the passing cityscape.
"Attention, passengers. Due to inclement weather conditions, this subway
will run express from the 49th Street station to the Main Street station.
Please debark at the next stop if you wish to get off before then." This
evoked a weary cheer from most of the passengers, including myself, as we
all wanted to get home sooner. We pulled out of 49th and the train began
to pick up speed. I watched the scenery fly by faster and faster, the dark
buildings with little occasional squares of light sliding by the windows.
Suddenly, my eyes automatically squinted as bright white light slid up into
my eyes. Shielding them somewhat with my hand, I looked down, to see that
an incredible amount of white sparks were erupting from the underside of
the subway carriage. All of a sudden, I felt an incredible, massive weight
push me against the doors as the combined weight of the standing passengers
all fell against me. Voices cried out as my entire world began to lose its
balance, and a bright, white light filled my vision until I saw no more.
|=-+-=|
The world suddenly snapped back into sharp focus. I was sitting on one of
the seats in that subway car, and I was alone. The car was not moving, and
it looked out on a bright, warm, and green landscape I recognized as being
near my apartment, a place I loved to look out upon when I needed to find
my inner center. But ... there wasn't a subway stop there. And it was
winter when I left work. And ... where was everyone? What happened?
"Hey, Jeff!" said a friendly, cheerful voice, and a hand fell upon my
shoulder. I gave a yell and flipped around in my seat to find a redheaded
woman in jeans and a sweatshirt standing behind me.
"Oh, God." She put her hands up to her mouth. "I'm so sorry." She looked
a bit sheepish. "I'm new at this, and this wasn't exactly planned. I sort
of got rushed into this."
I looked at her. "Who are you?" I took a deep breath, because she had to
be the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. Her face and voice were
beautiful, but she also seemed to shine ... not really with a light, but
with an intensity. No, that's not quite the word. I've never really had
cause to consider reality a quality until I saw her ... but she almost
seemed more *real* than anything I had ever seen before.
"What's going on?" I repeated, trying to muster up a bit of iron and steel
in my voice. Beautiful she may be, and granted, I think my heart's melting
and my hormones are running overtime, but I needed some answers.
She took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Jeff. I didn't mean to get
sidetracked. Okay, I'm here to explain, and to answer all your questions.
What's the last thing you remember?"
"I remember getting onto this subway train, and the train running express
... "
"Well, not quite. Here ... " She began to reach out for me. I jerked
backwards. "Hush, now. I'm not going to hurt you. Let me just touch you
for a moment."
I felt her fingers brush against my temples. "Close your eyes." I did,
warily. "You're getting on the subway train," she said. "It's running
express ... "
And suddenly, it came back to me. The sparks ... the sensation of
everything falling out of balance ... the ... I screamed.
She looked at me, her beautiful features framed in a mask of sorrow. "The
crash," she completed.
I looked at her. "I'm dead."
|=-+-=|
"Yes. Several of the subway cars in front of you knocked the electrical
rail out of alignment. Combined with the ice that had formed on the other
tracks, your subway car basically ripped itself off the tracks and ...
fell."
I had had ... so many plans. And so many things I had never done ...
"I know."
I looked up. "You can read my mind?"
"Sure. Haven't you guessed who I am, yet?"
"Well, if I'm dead ... Jesus Christ!" I exclaimed.
She burst into delightful peals of laughter. "No ... there's a slight
gender difference there, and one heck of a difference in status. He's the
son of God, and I'm just an angel -- he's male, I'm neuter. As are most
angels. I just chose this look to work best with you."
"And ... you're new at this?"
"Uh, well, this accident wasn't quite expected. A lot of us got rushed
through training lickety-split in order to help everyone on your train."
"Wasn't expected? *GOD* wasn't expecting this? Isn't He supposed to know
everything?" Then, my breath suddenly caught in my throat. "So ... if
there really are angels, and a heaven ... did I make it? Is this heaven?
Did I pass judgment?"
She smiled. "Well, here's where it gets a little unorthodox."
|=-+-=|
I walked along a crystalline lake shore with my unnamed companion. I had
asked her what she called herself, and she demurred to answer, saying it
would be unpronounceable in the tongue I was used to. Sensing my
discomfort with, she asked me to name her.
"Anne?"
"Oh, that's fine."
"So, Anne, am I in heaven, now?"
"Well, sort of. A holding area, of sorts. You see, God's a bit ticked off
at the moment."
My eyes flashed with alarm. "At me?"
"Oh, I'm sorry -- no, no, no. You're a victim. In fact, you're pretty
unique in the Scheme of Things."
"What? Please, I have to get a little more out of the dark here ... please
stop parceling facts out one at a time. I need to know what's going on."
"I'm sorry, Jeff. That subway crash ... it was unique, because it wasn't
meant to be. You weren't supposed to crash. You were supposed to continue
living, along with every other person on that train. And it wasn't Satan's
handiwork, nor was it God's ... it was just a freak accident."
"Wait a minute ... *this* wasn't meant to be? Hell, I don't want to argue
myself out of something good, but why would God care about this, as
compared to the millions of accidental deaths people die every year?"
"God's fixed many, many of those, too. You'd never realize it, though ...
you weren't a participant in any of the clean-up efforts involved, so
reality just changed around you. Neither was I, for that matter ... I
assumed corporeal form only a few years ago."
"Babe," I teased her.
She smiled. "Good. You're relaxing a bit." She looked at me, and,
realizing I needed her to cut to the chase, took a deep breath and began.
"Here's the deal. You can't be Jeff Sullivan again. Your particular
lifeline's been cut, and we can't simply restore without tearing the fabric
all askew. But we can restore you ... partially altered. And we need to
continue your life ... so you can live out its remainder, the rest of your
thread. Your thread's got to be there, somehow, or the rest of the weave
just gets all higgledy-piggledy. That's the natural scheme of things."
"So, what does that mean?"
"It means ... here's your chance to rewrite your life as you want to see it
fit, Jeff. Everything you ever wanted your life to be, we can set it up so
that, going into this life, that's where you're at."
I can rewrite my life? My God ...
"Where it goes from there is subject to the same twists of fate, both good
and bad, that everyone's subject to. Think of it this way ... because of
the circumstance in which you died, we're letting you pick a new playing
piece. But the game's still going to be the same as it was before, with
the same blessings and dangers."
|=-+-=|
The lake had faded, and all I saw was featureless white. I sat down upon
the floor -- well, I couldn't really see a floor, but whatever I was
sitting on, it supported me. My guide joined me there.
"Will I remember my old life?"
"You can." She looked at me gravely. "Many choose not to, and others
choose to remember it as a past life. A few have chosen to remember it
whole. Human society won't really believe you, though, if you wanted to
shout this experience from the rooftops." She smiled ruefully. "To most,
we're still just figments of people's imagination. Although God's pretty
pleased with the progress Roma Downey's been making."
"Is she ... " I looked at her, then started again. "Did she ... "
"Oh, shit, me and my big mouth," she said, looking crossly at herself.
"Um, yes. But ... " She drew a little sigil in the air, and suddenly, I
was hearing her say ... "To most, we're still just figments of people's
imagination."
I blinked. "Um. Yeah. Well, I wouldn't be tempted to go on 'Jerry
Springer,' anyway."
She looked shocked. "I should hope not. After all we're about to do for
you, why would you want to gain the attention of the Other Side?"
|=-+-=|
I looked at her. "How is this going to work?"
"Well, you can't be Jeff Sullivan anymore, you realize."
"You told me."
"Right. So, this is going to involve changing your appearance. So, you
tell me what you want changed, and we'll change you, here. After we set up
your form, we'll set up the kind of life that you want to live, that you
want to be inserted into."
I took a deep breath, and I asked myself whether I really wanted to do
this. And I decided I did. "Okay, Anne, here we go. If I have the chance
to change things about myself, I'd like to be a woman."
She looked at me blandly. "That's it?"
"No, but that's the biggest thing."
"Whoopedy-doo. We don't have a tenth of the taboos people seem to credit
to us down on Earth. I mean, come on, do you really think Fred Phelps and
Pat Buchanan work for *us*?"
I looked at her. "I had wondered."
"Please," she looked at me with a slight bit of disdain. "Give Him *some*
credit."
|=-+-=|
"So," she said, looking at me. "You want to be a woman."
"Yup."
"Well," she said. "Let's first get your clothes out of the way." My
clothes slowly vanished, to show the form of my nude body. It never had
been much of a pleasant view for me -- in fact, it had been the source of
one huge neurotic complex. Rather than subject you, the reader, to an
in-depth description, let me just remind you of how very out of breath I
was when climbing the stairs, and leave it at that. Standing naked before
this beautiful woman, I colored and looked down, ashamed. "Hey," she said,
trying to catch my attention. I looked up. "It's okay," she said, looking
compassionate. "This never really mattered." I took a deep breath, and
nodded.
"Well, let's first take care of height and weight. You don't need to give
me specific figures, unless you want to."
"Well, as for height, I'd like to be average ... perhaps a little tall. As
for weight, obviously, I'd like to be very fit and trim. Very little body
fat."
As I said the words, it looked as if Anne was growing. I realized, though,
as the mirror also seemed to be growing, that I was indeed shrinking in
height. I looked in the mirror and was happy to see fat from all over my
body disappear as if it was being vacuumed away, what had once loosely
jiggled becoming tight and firm.
"What color hair do you want?"
"Red. Naturally straight, and going down to the bottom of my shoulder
blades."
I watched in the mirror as my hair slowly lightened in hue as it grew out,
straightening as it crawled down my back. I soon felt it brushing against
my back. Looking in the mirror, I couldn't help but chuckle at the sight
of a man with extremely long, red hair.
"How about your eyes?"
"Green, and perfect eyesight, please. In fact, you know those people who
have better than average eyesight? Do that."
I blinked, blinked, and blinked again as things first went out of focus and
then looked sharper, more detailed than it ever had before. But ... "Why
do the colors look a bit different, now?"
"People with different color eyes see colors *slightly* differently."
"Weird." I shrugged my shoulders, and then smiled as I noticed the hair
move on my back. "God, *that*'s a weird feeling."
She smiled. "Are you ready for me to do the body at one whack, now that I
know the general height and weight?" I took a deep breath and nodded.
It began at the top of my body, my head. The slope of my head grew
gentler, tapered down to a longer, more gentle neck into which my Adam's
apple disappeared. My cheekbones shifted configuration as my nose grew
smaller and, beneath it, my mouth grew fuller lips. My shoulders collapsed
somewhat into themselves as the entire upper torso grew more tapered,
leading into a much thinner waist. My hands became much smoother and more
delicate, my nails growing out about an inch. I watched as my hips flared
out more, my buttocks (although, having been tightened already) growing
slightly more prominent. My manhood withdrew into itself, and I slowly
felt the space between my legs become more sensitive as an entire new set
of genitalia formed within there. My legs grew shapely and long, tapering
into delicate pink feet. I stared into the mirror, took a deep breath, and
said, "Wow! But ... uh ... " (and while amazing at the same time at the
soft breathy alto that was my new voice) ... as I gestured towards my
perfectly flat chest.
She looked at me. "Well, I didn't know what size you wanted."
"I think a C-cup would do."
My nipples expanded in size as my chest expanded, forming perfect C-cup
breasts.
I looked in the mirror. Perhaps at this time, I realized that this had to
be real ... before this, it all could have been a very weird-ass and scary
dream, but this transformation was real. I was now a beautiful, shapely,
red-haired young woman.
"You like?" she said, smiling.
"I definitely like," I replied, smiling back at her. "No fine-tuning
needed at all."
|=-+-=|
"Well," she said, "I don't know about that. Because of the situation,
God's willing to toss a few bonuses into the package. After all, what
happened was a cosmic fluke, and He appreciates you be willing to just
start over like this."
"Sure."
"Well, you're going to have a pretty nice metabolism ... you won't have to
watch your figure too much, since your body'll burn off a lot of the fat by
itself. And you won't be catching any venereal diseases, nor will you ever
be pregnant unless you honestly want to be. No genetic predispositions
towards any diseases, like cancer or heart disease. All of this'll go
whether you decide you want to remember this or not."
I smiled. "That's great."
"Your smile's very pretty, Jeff."
I raised an eyebrow. "'Jeff' really won't work anymore, will it?"
"You ready for setting up your new life, then?"
|=-+-=|
Here we were walking along that same shore, again. I had chosen to remain
unclothed, enjoying the feel of the breeze against my body.
"I'd like to be a moderately successful, talented theatrical actress. I
don't have to be a headliner or a star, but I'd like to be good enough to
make my living at it."
"That's doable."
"I don't have to be rich, but I'd like to be out of debt and some money
saved up."
"Not a problem."
"Can I be ... well, as for my family, can I still be related to them?"
She smiled. "Almost everybody asks that. But, yes, that's doable, too.
You'll have to understand, though, you'll be your own sister, even though
you never had a sister before. We can't replace your old life ... we can't
say that that you never existed, and we can't say that you didn't die. So,
as Jeff's sister, you'll be mourning the loss of your 'brother' --
yourself."
I nodded. I'll have to pretend to grieve for myself ... but I can do that.
"Um ... womanly things. I really don't know how to do a lot of them now.
It'd be suspicious if, this far into my life, I all of a sudden don't know
how to use ... "
She chuckled. "Definitely not a problem. I assume by that, you want to
retain your own self? You want to remember this?"
"Yes." I had so many more details, that could fill up books, days, years
... I looked at her. "I just ... I have this vision of my life. You read
my mind before ... can you do it again?"
She closed her eyes, and reached her hands out to my temple. I felt her
brush aside a stray lock of hair that hadn't been there before. Her
fingers felt like bright spots of warmth against my head, and I felt my
mind being gently explored. She withdrew her hands. "I understand now."
She smiled. "Are you ready? For your second chance?"
I took a deep breath, then nodded.
"Then close your eyes."
I closed them, and opened them ...
|=-+-=|
... to see a group of strange faces all looking at me. "It's your line,
Anne."
I looked down, and saw a script clutched in one hand, some lines
highlighted in yellow. Everyone around me also held a script, and we
appeared to be in a rehearsal room of some sort. It must be some sort of a
read-through.
"I'm sorry, just got a little dizzy there for a second," I said. Opening
my script further, I began to read the lines aloud.
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