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Our Most Special Friend Part 1 free porn video
Author's note:
Following my other two submissions to this web site, in which the central
character was somewhat coerced into changing sex, this is my attempt to write
a more realistic life story of a transsexual. Whether I achieve it I can't
say right now. As another new departure for me, I'm going to write and
publish in stages because I don't want to rush it. As for writing in a diary,
I should credit the story of the sex change pop star else where on these
pages.
This IS fiction despite the way I've laid it out with two of the characters
acting as 'editors' to their equally fictional friends diary. Also, I suspect
my hero will be adopting as his future name the same woman's name as my own
'nam de plume'. But that's a coincidence. This isn't autobiographical and my
real name isn't Simon.
Our Most Special Friend
By Sophie Michelle
Editors' note:
We have a friend who is very special and for a while we have wanted to share
the reason why with you on this page. We weren't sure how to write this, but
when we found this diary in a draw in our shared house, we asked if we could
use it. Our friend gave the fetching giggle we know her best for, and said
yes.
We've edited it, and added some of our own memories, but the rest of the work
is that of one of the greatest, funniest bravest people we have ever met, and
a most wonderful friend.
Cathy Baines and Zo? Mintelli
Saturday 17th July 1999
It was Neil who asked me directly, and that was a surprise in itself. So as I
sit here I wonder if the answer I gave to my friends is going to have any
consequences. Or will it be forgotten once the drink wares off. There's going
to be a few hangovers tomorrow, and there's no reason anyone will remember.
Other than me. I'll remember because what I said had been on my mind for so
long. And the look on all my friend's faces I'll remember forever.
But as I said, I doubt anyone else will. Just a one night wonder. It hasn't
stopped me getting home and starting this diary in an old exercise book. I
expect this will be the only entry.
Sunday 18th July 1999
I lay in bed for a while this morning, the early morning summer sun already
warm on my skin. I reached out for this diary, just to check last night
wasn't a dream. When I read what I'd written, I realised I forget to say what
it was all about.
What it was all about, to start with, was us round Cathy's to cheer me up
about splitting up with Gail. There was my best friend Lawrence and his
girlfriend Jo, Jane and Zo? and Cathy's silent boyfriend, Neil. I don't know
him well, though he seems nice enough. Jane made some comment about it being
tough for me being commiserated by three couples - she and Zo? are lesbian by
the way.
"I'm just glad you're all here," I said.
And it was true. It didn't matter to me. I was really pleased I had all these
friends around me. Not being in a relationship right then was the least of my
worries. It wasn't as if Gail and I were getting on that well in the end. The
truth I knew, though I wasn't about to admit to my friends, was that I wasn't
man enough for her. And I didn't want to be what she wanted.
"Well I think she's mad to dump a cute guy like you, Simon." All the others
gave Zo? a stare, but I just smiled. She didn't know what she was talking
about.
"It was for the best, I assure you." Still, when I thought about it, it was
a strange thing for a gay girl to say. I was wondering if this was worth a
comment when her girlfriend did just that.
"Is this a side of you I don't know about?"
Zo? kissed Jane before speaking. "Simon's not your typical guy though." She
was teasing her lover rather than me but Lawrence jumped to my defence.
"Don't listen to them, Si. You're typical enough for me, mate."
"I wouldn't say he oozed testosterone like some," said Jo. "Not that I'm
complaining."
"I should hope not," said Lawrence and Jo got a kiss too. "But I still say we
are kicking the poor guy when he's down."
"I don't mind at all." I said. But my words were almost lost in a general
debate on what masculinity should be about. I slumped back in the sofa and
let it wash over me. Someone refilled my glass with beer and I got on with
drinking. Next thing I knew they were talking about transsexuals, whether it
was possible or right. I couldn't hep speaking out.
"I don't see anything wrong for a man to want to be a woman." I must have
asked it with a passion that gave away my feelings, because it was then that
Neil asked.
"You saying you'd rather be a bird?"
His use of a rather derogatory term may have caught me off guard, but I
couldn't help but answer with complete honesty.
"I've always thought my life would make more sense if I was female."
(Ed. Zo?: I remember Jane and I had one of our worst rows that night. I've
always known I was gay, but when we met and started going out, it was, for
her, more a reaction against a couple of 'shit for brains' boyfriends she'd
had. Result? She was far more anti-men than me. (I really like guys, I just
don't fancy them) Anyway, that row. She carried on about how she couldn't
believe Simon could be so sexist, thinking he could be a woman when he
didn't know the first thing. I pointed out he'd said no such thing. And
anyway, her friend, and these were her friends then, and I was new to the
group, her friend had made the admission of his life and maybe he'd like her
support. Well, the argument sort of grew from there to the name calling
stage, and I fear china may have been thrown. Hey, us gay girls can have a
temper too.)
Monday 19th July.
I've got up at 5:30 so I can write this entry before work. I have to write it
all down before I forget.
I lay around my room until one in the afternoon, wondering if anyone would
ring. And if they did, would they take me seriously from yesterday? Maybe I
should ring Lawrence. Put on a casual air, pretend last night was nothing
special. That nothing particular was said. But as well as being nervous about
what they might all think, worried sick that I'd lost all my friends, I
wanted to give the illusion alive that they took me seriously AND everything
would be all right with them.
In the end I went for a walk. I was striding along the waters edge in the
park, I saw Cathy ahead. My first thought was to turn away, pretend I hadn't
seen her. But it was no good; she was looking right at me.
"You any idea how many times you've walked round that lake?"
"Just the once?"
"Five, and that's while I've been watching. I tried catching you up. Then had
a better idea. Stay where I was."
"Oh!"
"We need to talk. Lets go to the coffee house."
Cathy led the way to the small hut that served hot drinks and ice cream to
the park visitors. We got a drink each, and then sat in silence. I didn't
know where to start. I couldn't believe this wasn't about last night, not
given Cathy's urgency when we met. At first she seemed to think it was my
call. Then she said,
"Now we've got our breath back, I have to ask you something. Your answer
won't affect our friendship, so long as it's honest. You owe that much to
yourself."
I looked up. Maybe I should ask what it was she wanted to know, but I felt
the tear already running down my cheek.
"Did you mean it last night, about wanting to be a woman?"
I tried answering twice, but not crying was all I could manage. At last I was
able to point outside. "Not here." I couldn't be sure Cathy had heard but she
put one hand on my arm, and drank her tea down quickly. I left mine and we
went and sat under a tree. Now I felt strangely becalmed and told her all.
"When did you first feel like this?" she asked.
"When I was four or five I realised about mummies and daddies, and mine
always spoke about me being a daddy one day and I couldn't work out why."
"As long ago as that?"
"Yeah." I let out a big sigh, but managed to continue. "But I soon took
refuge in football. I found I was good enough to get in a team, but I was
slight of frame. My games teacher kept saying he should feed me up. In the
end I was dropped from the team as other boys reached puberty before me and I
was forever getting knocked over."
I looked over to Cathy who was smiling sweetly, her eyes asking for more
detail. Quite an achievement, I thought, for a woman who famously hated
sports.
"Then all of a sudden puberty hit me. Overnight I was big enough to be back
in the team. The delight that caused was mixed with the shock that I was now
more or less a man."
"Did you dress in your sister's clothes? You've got a sister, haven't you
Simon?"
"Yeah, she's quite a few years younger than me though. I tried my mum's
cloths on from time to time, but she's quite a big woman. Oh, you've met her,
haven't you."
"At our graduation. So what happened next?" Cathy wanted to hear more of my
story and I had to think about how far I'd got with it.
"Nothing much really. I looked at my body and tried to bury my thoughts. I
read about young transsexuals on the internet and a common theme was about
them having breakdowns and dropping out of school. I wasn't having that, I
wanted to do well, get to Uni. And since that's what my parents wanted too
that was much easier to focus on. Somewhere along the line I stopped relating
to my peers, except in the football team. Spent so much time studying, that
good A-level grades were mine. Only my Gran used to say all the fun had gone
out of me."
"What changed at Uni?"
"How do you mean?"
"This you that you describe. That's not how you were when we met."
"I was never the life and soul."
"Yeah, but you were fun to be with."
"Oh thanks." I had to stop again because I felt the tears coming back. I'd
never heard anyone speak as well of me before, not to my face, not even my
friends. Cathy gave me a peck on the cheek.
"I'm meant to be with Neil in half an hour. But I want to here more of this."
"Neil, what does he think? I mean, what does everyone think?"
"They are all cool about it." But she said it in a way that made it clear
this wasn't the whole truth. We started back to the park gates. "What are
you going to do next."
"Do? How do you mean?"
"You've got to get professional advice about this, Simon."
"You really think that's necessary?"
"Unless you are going to live your life under a stone."
"I'll get by." I said, and Cathy got hold of my arm.
"I read enough about transsexuality as part of my degree." (Cathy did
something called Women's Studies) "It doesn't just go away because the
sufferer tries to 'get by'."
"Sufferer? You are frightening me."
"Well, only because I care about you. Simon, you're 22. You've got to sort
this. You don't have to decide anything, but if you ever ask me to accept me
as you as one of my girlfriends, I'm on your side."
(ed Cathy add?. Simon was quite right in thinking that wasn't the whole
truth. Neil was non-committal - 'he's your friend' he said. Zo? was always
fine from the start, bless her. Jo said she was, but I could tell she didn't
get it. "Its dead weird" she said. Jane got on my tits immediately by saying
the whole idea was insulting. The real problem was Lawrence. You could see in
his eyes when I told him that night we had a serious situation. He felt
betrayed.)
To be continued.
Alma
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