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A Helpful Change By Peachy Part 1 Chapter 1 I knocked on the door of old Mrs. Storey's house and waited, feeling anxious. I would have liked to have had a different placement but I hadn't really had much choice. Our school had a work experience program and it had been just my bad luck to turn up to the hall late, so I had gotten stuck with being a home help for this seventy year old lady whose house I was now waiting outside. I'd already picked out my future career as doing caring work, so my placement had to be something in that area, but I wanted to work with kids not old ladies! I didn't mind the prospect of it too much, but I'd felt embarrassed because I knew that everyone thought this kind of work was for girls, not a guy like me. I'd had a lot of people at school snickering at me for taking this on, and I was often called a pansy as it was as I didn't like sports and stuff and was quite skinny. I hated school and couldn't wait to leave, although I enjoyed my studies. I had reluctantly committed myself to two months with Mrs. Storey, three sessions a week, two after school in the week (Tuesdays and Thursdays) and the whole Sunday. The whole Sunday! It was too much. The only good point so far had been meeting Natalie, the lady who worked for the caring agency that had set this up for me, it sent school kids out to help old people. I say lady, but she was only twenty and really cool. We had hit it off immediately, not in that way but we got on really well. Id always seemed to get on better with girls, she had seemed like the older sister I never had. Id' met with Natalie a few times both at school and at her offices in town, and she had eased my worries a little bit by giving me as much info as possible about Mrs. Storey. She had been totally honest with me about her, which was one of the reasons why I liked Natalie so much. She was very straightforward and seemed to have a naughty sense of humour. She said that Mrs. Storey could be quite quick to anger so it was best to contradict her as little as possible. Also she was a little short sighted, which was partly why she needed home-help. But apart from that, as long as I was nice to her Natalie assured me that she would be lovely. I waited for the door to open, straightening the tie of my school uniform and tucking my almost shoulder length brown hair back behind my ears. Mrs. Storey probably wouldn't approve of boys having long hair, I thought. Finally the door began to open slowly. A little old woman, slightly bent over screwed up her eyes and peered at me. 'Yes?' she said. 'What do you want?' 'Hi, erm, Mrs. Storey?' I asked nervously. Mrs. Storey nodded, but didn't say anything. 'I'm Sam, from the school for home help? Natalie said she spoke to you?' Mrs. Storey's face brightened quickly. 'Oh yes, yes!' she smiled. 'Natalie, she was a lovely girl on the phone, yes! So you're Sam, is it, that's what you like to be called?' I nodded. 'Come in, come in!' I stepped in and she closed the door. She stood there peering at me quite closely, screwing up her eyes. 'That's a lovely smart school uniform isn't it? Good to see a tie for a change! Very nice!' she said. I nodded. 'Most children look very scruffy nowadays, but you've made the effort there haven't you! Not sure about the trousers though,' she mumbled, turning away and shuffling toward the kitchen. I looked down at my trousers, confused. My long hair was ok with her but they weren't? What was wrong with them? They were perfectly normal grey school trousers, clean on today. Maybe the old girl was a bit senile, I thought. I took pride in my appearance and for some reason, I quite liked wearing a smart school uniform. Nobody else seemed to though, and I got often called weirdo and snob for it. Mrs. Storey fussed around in the kitchen for a while showing me where things were and what she wanted me to do, a bit of light cooking, cleaning and basically helping her out, nothing too bad it seemed. I was quite happy to do the work as id always been quite able at domestic chores, it was second nature as I helped out all the time at home. This was another thing I often got a bit of flack from my mates about as everyone thought such things were 'feminine' but I didn't care, I felt comfortable and confident in the kitchen. Mrs. Storey then said she was off to watch her TV programs, saying (rather bluntly I thought) that she didn't want to be disturbed. She invited me to have a look around the house and familiarise myself with the place. It was really a nice old house, very neat and tidy with everything in its place, which I liked. There were many photos of her family everywhere, a sweet looking and quite beautiful blonde lady was a common one. She looked to be in her mid thirties and I guessed that she was Mrs. Storey's daughter. The other pictures were mainly of a handsome, confident looking man who looked to be in his early twenties. I finished looking around and returned downstairs. Mrs. Storey announced that she was going to have a bath now, she would call if she needed help and could I make a cheese sandwich for her for when she got out. I told her it was no problem and she slowly went off upstairs. I took my bottle green school blazer and jumper off and got to work, having a look around and familiarising myself with Mrs. Storey's kitchen for the things I needed to make her sandwich. Again everything was very neat and tidy, and I felt quite comfortable. After about forty five minutes I hadn't heard anything from Mrs. Storey so I thought id better go up and check that she was ok. I headed upstairs. Sam? Is that you dear?' Mrs. Storey's voice came through the bathroom door. She sounded worried. 'Yeah, its me Mrs. Storey,' I shouted, moving closer to the door. 'Is everything all right?' 'Oh...yes its fine, I'm ok,' she said, but she didn't sound very happy. 'Are you sure Mrs. Storey? Is there anything I can do to help?' 'Well...' She said slowly. 'It's nothing, but I'm having a bit of trouble getting out of the bath. Should be ok.' I paused, not sure what to do. Should I ask to go in and help her? Wouldn't she be embarrassed? Id have to see her naked, and that would be embarrassing for me too. I heard her trying to move and then a thump and a slight moan of pain. This seemed to be getting serious. 'Do you want me to come in and help you Mrs. Storey?' I asked, swallowing nervously. 'I don't mind.' There was silence for a moment and I was worried. ' I suppose you'll have to dear' she said reluctantly. 'Go on then, come in, quickly. Lets get this over with.' I pushed the door and saw Mrs. Storey sitting naked there in the bath. She looked embarrassed and a bit angry, but I felt it was important to keep my cool. 'Come on then' she said. I unbuttoned my cuff and rolled up my shirt as I didn't want to get it too wet. I walked over, being careful not to look. I put my arm around her shoulders and she put hers round mine and we lifted. She rose up slowly and I passed her the bath towel. She wrapped herself in the towel and I turned away quickly to give her some privacy. 'Thank you ever so much dear', Mrs. Storey said, in a nicer mood now. 'You're very kind. I'm so glad that the agency sent a girl as my home help or that would have been so terribly embarrassing. You made it easy, and I wont forget it.' she ushered me out and closed the bathroom door to get dressed. I was frozen, staring at the wall. I knew I hadn't heard her wrong. She thought I was a girl! I could feel my face getting redder and redder, and I was glad she couldn't see it. How and why did she think I was a girl? I knew I didn't look very macho or tough but nobody had ever thought I was a girl before, had they? It must just be because she was short sighted...my mind was racing. Knock on that door and tell her you're a boy, now! My mind yelled at me. But I couldn't, not after what had just happened. She'd be so embarrassed, and probably really mad at me. Id already left it too late to tell her. Not knowing what to do I walked downstairs slowly, shocked. I paused in front of the mirror to take a good look at myself. My wavy brown hair was parted in the middle and tucked neatly behind my ears, where it stopped just above my shirt collar. That's why she hadn't said anything about a boy having long hair, I realised. I had a round face which I had always felt was quite plain, but id been told a few times that my brown eyes were my best feature. They were quite large and round, accentuated by my brown hair and eyebrows, which were barely visible for some reason. My lips were a bit pouty actually. Did I look like a girl? I forced the question out in my mind. Not really, I answered. Well, maybe a tiny bit. I moved away from the mirror to look at my body. I was very slim and a little small for my age. I moved around and noticed that my hair fell from behind my ears to obscure my face from the side. I supposed that from the side or back I could possibly be mistaken for a girl, but not if you got up close, surely? I pulled myself away from the mirror and looked around. What should I do? I wanted to leave right away and never come back, but I couldn't bring myself to just run out the door there and then. Mrs. Storey may phone and ask Natalie or the school about that girl she had had in her house, and it could lead to all sorts of embarrassing questions. I decided that I would finish up today as best I could, and then think about how to get out of the whole thing after I left. But, I realised, I had to do a work experience placement like this to get the experience to go into Caring work in the future.... Then I remembered that Mrs. Storey wanted a sandwich, so I went and finished preparing it. As I was doing so the reason why she had objected to my trousers came to me. She probably thought that girls shouldn't wear trousers to school, I realised, and sighed. Did my voice sound girlish as well? I pondered this to myself along with other questions. I didn't feel very happy. I finished the sandwich and cleaned up, just as Mrs. Storey came down the stairs. My heart was racing and my face reddening as I thought of how to behave. I didn't have to tell her that I was a boy, I thought, there was no need to embarrass me and her. I just had to wait to get out of here and never come back. The thought of pretending to be a girl for any length of time though was not at all a welcome one. 'Thanks again for your help dear, you've been very kind.' Mrs. Storey said. I smiled and blushed, lowering my head. I didn't feel like talking. 'No need to be embarrassed at all about anything, I'm not!' Mrs. Storey said. 'Ooh, you've made me that sandwich, lovely! You can make yourself something too you know, and then you can come and sit down and tell me all about yourself Samantha.' she went and sat on her couch and switched the TV on again. She was calling me Samantha! This was beginning to feel like torture. I had to get out of there as soon as possible. I made myself a glass of orange juice and followed her. (I had lost my appetite). I sat down on the chair opposite her and sipped my juice. 'You don't want anything to eat dear?' She asked. I shook my head, but then realised that I had better say something as I hadn't for a while. 'Oh I'm not hungry thanks, I don't eat all that much.' I tried to lighten my voice a little and hated doing it. Ill bet, you've got a lovely slim figure!' she said with a smile, tucking into her sandwich. I tried to smile too but I felt very uncomfortable. 'I looked like that when I was young too you know! The boys were all after me, ill tell you. Any special men in your life?' I couldn't believe it. Could this get any worse? 'No, not at the moment,' I said blushing again. 'Well, I am surprised.' Mrs. Storey said. 'A pretty little thing like you? You'd probably do better if you wore a skirt to school you know, the boys would like that. I do think girls should wear a skirt at school and not dress just like the boys, but I'm just old fashioned I suppose.' she took a sip of her juice. I supped my juice too, not wanting to think about what I had just heard. It felt just too weird being described as pretty, and as for being told to wear a skirt so the boys would like me! I was so out of here. I finished my juice and stood up. Erm, sorry, but I think I have to go now,' I said. 'I've got a lot homework to do.' 'Oh!' Mrs. Storey said. She looked genuinely upset. 'We were just getting to know each other!' I was surprised to notice that I felt a little guilty, and sad. Despite my excruciating embarrassment I realised that she had been being very nice to me, the girl-me at least! Well you'll see me again.' I blurted out. What! Why did I say that! Idiot idiot idiot I cursed myself. 'Oh well of course, that's alright then,' she said, her face brightening. 'It was two times in the week and on Sunday wasn't it? You're very kind to give up your time for me. Ill see you on, Thursday wasn't it?' 'Yeah, Thursday, after school,' I said. Anything to get out of here, I told myself 'Ooh, before you go...' Mrs . Storey said. She reached over on the couch to her handbag and brought out her purse, from which she bought out a ?10 note and offered it to me. 'Oh, no thank-you Mrs. Storey , I cant accept that, we're not supposed to take money.' I said, backing away. Mrs. Storey stood up and held the money out to me firmly. 'No, thanks all the same but I cant take it, its ok really.' 'I don't like being treated like a charity.' Mrs. Storey said. She sounded a little bit angry and I felt uncomfortable. 'You've worked hard and been very good to me so you deserve payment. Take it, and if your school or whoever want to complain then they can come to me.' I looked at her and she held my gaze. 'Ok,' I said slowly. 'Thanks ever so much.' Her face fell into a smile again and she waved me toward the door. 'Go on then, ill see you on Thursday,' she said. 'Don't work too hard, remember, all work and no play makes Samantha a dull girl!' I said good bye and she shut the door. I walked to the bus stop to catch the bus home, my head in a complete whirl. What would I do? Chapter 2 At school the next day all I could think about was getting hold of Natalie and asking her advice, so at Lunchtime I left the school grounds and took the short trip into town to speak to her at her office. After waiting in the reception area for a bit Natalie came out of her office. Hey Sammy!' she said beaming. She was wearing a red skirt and jacket suit combination, and her long brown hair was tied back in a ponytail. 'How's things? How was Mrs. Storey? Come in, sit down.' I went into her office and she shut the door. She sat behind her desk and I sat in front. 'Well?' Natalie said, crossing her legs and leaning back in her chair. 'How is the old girl?' She's, umm, ok I suppose.' I said, looking around nervously. I didn't know how to say it, it was very embarrassing. 'But?' Natalie said, leaning forward. 'She smells? she's nasty? she cooks and eats kids, what?' I laughed and relaxed a bit. 'How about mistaking me for a girl?' I said, looking sheepish. 'What!' Natalie cried out. 'No way! You're joking!' she burst out laughing, she thought it was hilarious it seemed. Her laughter was infectious, I couldn't help smiling a little bit too through my blushes. 'Well, she is a bit short sighted I suppose.. come to think of it I don't think I ever mentioned that you were a boy over the phone. Sorry about that!' she started laughing again. 'What did she say when you told you the truth, tootsie?' Tootsie? I thought. 'Umm, I didn't actually tell her, that I umm, wasn't a girl?' Now I really did feel stupid. Natalie's eyes widened even more as she glared at me and dropped her jaw in comedy fashion. 'You mean you actually let her think you were a girl? Why?' 'Well, it seemed a lot easier to just let her think it, cos I'm not going to go back there again.' Natalie frowned a little at this. 'Are you sure? Why cant you just tell her you're a boy?' 'Well, its not as easy as that. I had to help her get up out of the bath, so obviously I saw her naked, and then she said that she was glad that your agency had sent a girl otherwise she would have been really embarrassed. And you told me not to argue with her!' Natalie clapped her hand to her forehead and leaned back in her chair, shaking her head and smiling. 'Oh, my poor little Sammy. What are we going to do with you? I didn't mean that you shouldn't question her on something like that!' I felt really quite stupid and embarrassed now and a little angry at Natalie for taking the mickey out of me. 'Well, I don't care anyway cos I just came to tell you that im not going back and you've got to get me something else!' I said, annoyed at the whole silly situation. Natalie saw that I was upset and embarrassed and stood up and came over to me. She put her arm round my shoulders and pulled me close. 'Hey, come on.' she said. 'Sorry for taking the mick.' she pulled her chair round to sit in front of me. 'Lets talk about this, huh?. I'm afraid I don't have any other placements at all, and I know you needed to do this for experience to study for your social work diploma. Is there any way you could just go and tell her that you're a boy?' 'Maybe...' I said. I didn't relish the thought though. 'I did sorta want to continue doing it...she was a nice old lady, and she even gave me some money.' 'She gave you money?' Natalie said, frowning a little. 'You're not really supposed to accept that.' 'I know, but she insisted. She got a bit angry when I refused.' 'Poor old you eh?' Natalie said. She leaned forward and touched my shoulder. 'Cant say no can you?' She was right, I had always hated confrontation. 'Well, I wont tell anyone about the money if you wont. If you go back you may get more you know!' 'Yeah..' I said. 'Maybe ill give it to Charity or something.' 'There you go then!' Natalie said. 'Works out good for everyone. Ok, why don't we say that you give it one more go, and tell her you're a boy? If you tell her why you didn't tell her before I'm sure she'll understand? Go on, one more time for me eh? And yourself? I know you're good at this kind of thing, and these people could do with the help and companionship, There's no one to replace you you know, No kids want to do this kind of thing. You're one in a million!' I couldn't really refuse after she put it like that. Natalie was great. 'Ok then sure, one more time.' I said. 'Ill tell her I'm a boy.' 'Yay!' Natalie cried, jumping to her feet. 'You're a good un. Want a drink or something? Can of Coke? I've got a bit of time before my next appointment?' 'Yeah, thanks.' I said. She went outside for a minute and got me a can from the machine. She came back in and closed the door. 'It is funny that she thought you were a girl though!' she sat down and passed me the coke. 'I don't think so,' I said. 'Why not?' Natalie said. 'What's the big deal? So what if you get mistaken for a girl, what's wrong with girls? You've been mistaken for one before right?' 'No!!' I said. I laughed but I was a bit put out. 'What are you on about?' 'Well, you do look a bit girlish, what with that hair and those big cute eyes of yours! So what?' She shrugged her shoulders. 'Natalie!' I admonished, blushing, but I couldn't think of any words. I wanted to be angrier, but hearing this from Natalie I didn't really mind and couldn't be offended. She had such a honest and straightforward way of putting things. 'In fact,' she said, leaning forward and smiling wickedly, 'What would it matter if Mrs. Storey went on thinking that you were a girl? Where's the harm in that? Sounds like a good bit of fun to me!' 'I'm not going to pretend I'm a girl!' I said, shocked. 'Why would I want to do that? That's crazy!' Natalie held up her hands and laughed. 'Just a thought! Thought it would be a laugh. Id love to be let loose on doing you up, clothes hair and make-up, the lot. You could be cute little Samantha! 'Actually,' I said, 'Mrs. Storey did call me Samantha.' 'Oh my god!' Natalie said, and laughed yet again. I loved it that she was always laughing. 'Yeah,' I went on, 'and she suggested that I wear a skirt to school and not trousers!' I felt a lot better about the whole thing now, Natalie was right, it didn't really matter all that much. I'd tell Mrs. Storey the truth tomorrow and that would be that. 'Oh wow Samantha, that's funny, really.' Natalie said. 'Don't call me that!' I said to her, laughing. 'Ok, ok!' Natalie laughed. 'I'm afraid I've gotta kick you out now, gotta get ready for another appointment. Give me a call on Friday or pop into the office to let me know how it went. Whatever happens, you don't have to do it for long. Its only Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons, and all day Sundays for two months isn't it?' I nodded. 'And then after that you're done, you don't have to go back and you've got some good experience there haven't you?' She said with a flourish. 'I suppose so.' I said, brightening. 'No suppose about it Sammy! And I'm only a phone call away to help you out.' She stood up and opened the door. 'Now go on, shoo! I've got other things to do you know!' 'Thanks a lot!' I said. 'I'll speak to you tomorrow.' 'Look forward to it Samantha!' She patted me on the bottom and closed the door. I whirled round and she stuck her tongue out and me and slammed the door. I laughed and headed out toward home. Chapter 3 I got home about half an hour later to find my Aunt Marie cooking us dinner, and I went into the kitchen to give her a hand. It was just me and my aunt in the house, my mum and dad had been killed in an accident when I had been just 1 and a half years old. All I had to remember them by were photographs. Me and my aunt Marie had always gotten on very well but I don't know if you could call us particularly close. She was my mothers sister and I always felt that she slightly resented being thrown into this position of having to look after me at this early age, but she never came right out and said so. She had always been good to me though, and raised me to be independent and to be able to look after myself. It seemed that I had always been surrounded by women, the only other family members who we saw occasionally were female cousins of Marie's. My dad's family lived in Australia but I got birthday and Christmas cards from them. My aunt didn't have to work because she had inherited a great amount of money from my parents death, but she seemed to live a fairly lonely and quiet life, apart from various close female friend's of hers that came and went over the years. She hardly ever seemed to have more than one friend at a time, at the latest one was called Susan who had been a regular visitor to our house over the past year. Because of this I had suspected for quite a while that Aunt Marie was gay, but she was certainly not about to raise the subject and so I never knew whether to or not. I don't know why she seemed to have a problem with it, I certainly didn't. I didn't want to pressure her though. I felt very comfortable being around women and domesticity, and felt quite the opposite being around almost all boy's of my age. I only really had one good friend at school, called Michael who was quite 'macho' but for some reason we still got on, I wasn't sure why he liked me but I was glad he did. He was doing his work experience at a Garage working on cars. It was only Michael really who stopped me from being completely excluded and bullied by the main group of boy's in our year. I got quite a lot of comments for being a 'sissy' but I didn't really mind too much. I was quite happy with my lot. After helping Marie prepare the dinner we sat down to eat fairly quietly. She was polite and enquiring about my day but never intrusive. After dinner I washed and cleaned up whilst Marie relaxed, and I headed upstairs to do my homework. I sat down at my desk to my work, still wearing my school uniform. I wasn't sure why but in a funny sort of way I liked wearing my school uniform and took rather a good deal of pride in it. Maybe it was because I liked my school, which was one of the best in the county, and I liked learning, I got almost the best grades in nearly all of my classes. Maybe I just liked looking smart, I don't know. Our uniform was bottle green and red, consisting of a white shirt with green, red and black striped tie, green jumper and blazer with red piping, and grey trousers. Whereas most of the boys wore their ties very scruffily, I hated to wear it like that and it was always buttoned up to the collar, like the way most of the girls wore it. The uniform rules were quite strict, especially for the girls who had to wear a green pleated skirt, white ankle socks and plain black low heels. Under no circumstances were they allowed to wear trousers, even if it was very cold, but they were allowed to wear tights, black ones only. I usually wore my school uniform all throughout the week, and felt quite comfortable in it. At the moment I was wearing my trousers, shirt and tie at my desk as it was too hot for the jumper. This saved washing of my other clothes (which I did myself anyway, I did all my own washing and had done for years) and felt more fitting to do my homework in. After I had finished my homework for the night I got ready for bed and lay back to read before I went to sleep, but I couldn't really concentrate too much as I was thinking about things that Natalie had said and what I would tell Mrs. Storey tomorrow. Despite the taunts I had received over the years about being a 'sissy,' I had never really paid much attention to them. But now that I had actually been mistaken for a girl by one adult and told by another that I looked 'girlish,' I felt a bit disturbed. I wasn't a girl and I didn't want to look like one. I started to feel angry and embarrassed all over again. Maybe I should start acting more like a boy? But I wasn't really sure how to do that, should I cut my hair? But I liked my hair as it was, I had always had longish hair and Marie said it suited me, she said it was like my mothers and so I didn't want to get rid of that part of me that was like her. But it couldn't go on being thought of as a girl, it was ridiculous. I turned over to sleep, vowing to myself that I would definitely tell Mrs. Storey tomorrow. But how? About half an hour after school ended that Thursday I arrived at Mrs. Storey's house. (it was quite a way away from where I lived and went to school). I rang the doorbell and took a deep breath. I would tell her straight away, I decided, but I still hadn't thought of a good way to say it. It was a while before the door opened and when I did I was surprised to see that that Mrs. Storey was crying. 'Oh Samantha dear, I'm so happy that you're here. I'm sorry for the state that I'm in but I've just had some terrible news. I've just heard that my sister Betty had passed on. It's a terrible shock. I knew she was unwell but I didn't know it was that bad...' she started crying some more. I felt terribly sorry for her and immediately forgot all about my own problems. 'Here, come and sit down.' I said. 'I'm very sorry to hear that. Can I get you anything, a cup of tea?' 'That would be lovely.' Mrs. Storey said. 'You're a good girl.' I tried to ignore what she said. This wasn't the time for my own little problems. I made her the tea and came back and sat down next to her. She took it gratefully. 'I'm so glad you're here,' she said. 'I don't know what I would have done without you, its very good of you to come. I'm all on my own here. My daughter's caught up with her work at the moment and cant come down. Maybe my grandson will come down soon, I don't know.' She looked very sad and my heart went out to her. 'It's ok, I'm here.' I said warmly. I put my arm around her shoulders. I figured that she was too upset to look closely at my face and see that I was a boy. I felt quite close to her all of a sudden. I had never known any of my own grandparents. You're terribly kind,' she said. 'I never had a granddaughter, but If I had I would have wanted her to be just like you. I knew you were a good sort as soon as i lay my eyes on you.' Tears immediately sprang to my eyes, and I wasn't certain exactly why. It was if she had read my mind. That was one of the nicest things that anybody had ever said to me and I felt very pleased that I could be here to help, but in a little way it pained me that she thought I was a girl. I felt that there was no way back now, I couldn't tell her after we had shared a moment like this together. 'Ill make you something to eat,' I said rising. I needed to have a think. 'Thank you dear, just a sandwich would be lovely,' Mrs. Storey said. 'I haven't had the strength myself all day.' I got into the kitchen, leaned against the worktop and sighed. What now? There was absolutely no way I could tell her the truth about me now, or in the future. It would be hideously embarrassing for her, as well as painful and confusing after what had just happened. Maybe Natalie was right. I only had to be here for two months, and that was it. After that id be gone, id visit occasionally if I had to. Nobody except Natalie would need to know, as the school dealt with the placement through her. I didn't really have to act any more 'girlishly,' I thought sadly, as everybody said I already did anyway. I basically didn't have to do hardly anything more, I figured. My school uniform meant I didn't have to wear any girlish clothes, and I could try to wear unisex stuff on Sundays. That was it. I looked at myself in the reflection of the kitchen window and resigned myself to being 'Samantha' while I was in this house. I felt I had been forced into this decision, I didn't feel like I had any choice really. This felt very much like the right thing to do. Without consciously thinking my hands rose to my hair, which had been tucked neatly behind my ears. I fluffed it up a little and let it fall around my face. I finished making Mrs. Storey's sandwich and took it out to her. For the rest of my visit there I listened to her talk about her sister Betty, and when she had finished she gave me a big hug which I returned. Again she forced ?10 on me and I tried even harder to decline, but she tried even harder to force me to take it. I thanked her and promised id be there early on Sunday, and I left to get the bus home. Chapter 4 That next Friday afternoon I went to Natalie's office's in town, feeling quite nervous and excited about what she would say when I would tell her about my decision. Id explain to her how I hadn't really had much choice, but I knew she'd just laugh and think the whole thing was a big joke. I sat nervously outside and waited for her to call me in. Her office door opened and she waved away another client of hers, a boy a bit older than me. 'Sammy!' she said. 'Come in, come in, I've been itching to hear all about it.' 'Hiya.' I said, walking into the office and sitting down. Natalie jumped up onto her desk in front of me and peered down at me. 'Well?' she said swinging her legs in front of her and back. 'What happened? What did she say when you said you were a boy?' I gulped and looked down at my feet. 'Oh my god!' Natalie cried out, her open mouth extending into a giant grin. 'You didn't tell her did you! I cant believe it, she still thinks you're a girl?' I nodded wearily. 'Why?' she asked. 'I just couldn't tell her.' I groaned. 'Her sister had just died and she was really upset, and she was really kind to me and glad that I was there. She even said I was like the granddaughter she'd never had.' 'Ohhh man.' Natalie said, she hopped off the desk and walked around the office. 'Tough break Sammy, really. I feel for you.' She stood behind me and put her hand on my shoulder, which made me feel better. 'Real shame.' she said. 'So you wont be going back then?' 'Umm, I dunno..' I said. I couldn't put into words the plan for my future time with Mrs. Storey. 'You mean you still want to go there, even though she thinks you're a girl?' Natalie whirled round to face me, her eyes bright. 'Umm, yeah?' I said blushing, looking into her face for understanding. 'Like you said, its only two months and I need the experience. I don't really have to do anything do I, just answer to 'Samantha.' I smiled sadly. 'And she's a really nice old lady, I never had a grandma either, and she's all sad at the moment because of her sister, and she's lonely...' 'And she gives you money.' Natalie said, clocking me on the shoulder. I smiled, I knew she wasn't totally serious. 'Yeah, but that's not why.' I said. Natalie nodded. She drew back and stretched. 'Wow.' she said. 'I cant believe it! if that's what you want to do! I'm actually really proud of you, you're really brave, I couldn't see anyone else doing this. Really mature.' I felt a little happier about it now. Natalie went and sat back behind her desk. 'So you're sure you want to do this?' she said. 'Yeah,' I said. 'There's not much different I need to do is there?' 'Hmm,' Natalie said. 'Cos Mrs. Storey's short sighted I suppose not. Shame, id just love to give you a makeover! Cant I?' 'No way.' I said firmly, although I was smiling a little. 'Oh come on!' Natalie said. 'If you're going to be a girl you might as well do it right! I reckon you could look really cute you know, seriously.' 'Aww, shut up,' I said, waving my hand and blushing. 'No I'm serious!' Natalie said. 'Like I said before, there's something in you isn't there? You cant deny it can you, after all for three days a week you are going to be a girl after all!?' 'I day and two afternoons!' I corrected her quickly. She seemed to have a point though. Natalie waved her hand dismissively. 'Pah. I'm just thinking...Wouldn't it be better if you got into the role and everything, you wouldn't want her finding out would you?' 'I don't really see how she would,' I said. 'But if she did find out...' Natalie said slowly, 'there would be a terrible fuss and bother.' She frowned and stopped, thinking to herself. She suddenly looked quite serious. Natalie's moods seemed to change quite quickly, she was an impulsive and exciting character. 'If she did find out Id get into real trouble, my arse would be totally on the line wouldn't it? How would I explain it?' She turned to me and frowned. I started to feel worried, she had a very good point there. It could be very troublesome and embarrassing for everybody if I was found out. The last thing I wanted to do was to get Natalie into trouble. 'So, If were going to do this I really think were going to have to do it properly...' She said. She leaned forward and put her face in her hands, staring at me with the trace of a smile. My stomach sunk as I realised she was correct. We couldn't risk anybody finding out. 'I mean, you're pretty much ok,' she said, 'As you don't really act very boyish, if you don't mind me saying.' 'Yeah, I know,' I said miserably. 'And without make up and clothes you could still be mistaken for a girl, by short sighted people like Mrs. Storey. But what if she gets a decent pair of glasses? She's likely to sooner or later isn't she?' I shrugged my shoulders and nodded, feeling queasy. I wished she would stop. What had I got myself in to? 'In for a penny, in for a pound, that's what my Nan used to say.' Natalie said, and then we were both quiet for a moment. 'Oh! Just realised!' she said suddenly. 'What if anybody else came round the house while you were there and said you were a boy in front of Mrs. Storey?' 'Ok, ok! I get it!' I said. I was stuck in this thing now. I wished that I'd given it more thought. 'You still wanna do it?' Natalie asked. 'If you do you've gotta do it right I'm afraid.' 'I don't feel I have much choice, I promised her id be back on Sunday.' I sighed. 'I hadn't really thought about everything though.' I paused. 'Yeah, ill do it.' That was it. 'Yay!' Natalie said. 'This is gonna be a lot of fun! There's no way anyone will find out, It'll be fine! All you have to do is turn up and act like you, but put just a little bit more 'girl' into it.' 'But how am I gonna do all my clothes and makeup and stuff...' I trailed off as I realised this was a silly question, as Natalie was looking down at me with eyebrows raised and hands on hips. She couldn't wait to get hold of me. I groaned and she clapped her hands together in delight. 'I'd be delighted to help you out there Samantha! I can pick you up after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays to sort you out, and you can come round to me on Sundays before you go. Id been meaning to tell you actually, I should be transporting you there after school anyway, as its far away and costs you so much in bus fares. I drive a lot of my other kiddies around.' It was all fitting into place too perfectly, my sinking feeling had reached its bottom. 'Hang on a minute!' I suddenly realised. 'My school uniform with trousers will do after schooldays wont it?' I said desperately. 'I don't need a skirt!' 'Friad you do Sammy, I know your silly school policy, girls have to be in skirts!' she smiled sympathetically. 'But ill be alright!' I said. 'What if I...' 'No Sammy,' Natalie interrupted me. 'I said you've got to do this properly.' she said firmly. 'Even though you pretty much act the part already the clothes and make-up will top it off and make you feel even more into it. We cant take any chances.' I realised she was right. 'And anyway it'll be so much fun!' She came over to me and squeezed my shoulders. 'I cant wait to make you pretty!' I groaned wearily. All the energy to resist had gone out of me. Id done it all to myself though, I realised. Natalie was just trying to help me. 'The only downside I can think of is that I have to be up early on Sunday morning to get you ready,' Natalie said groaning. 'And we'll have to get you a new wardrobe, which will cost a bit.' She tapped her fingers on her chin, thinking. 'Hey! Have you spent that money yet that Mrs. Storey gave you?' I nodded my head no. 'Well then hand it over girl!' Natalie said. 'Seems only fitting that we put that money towards clothes and gear for Samantha doesn't it?' 'I was going to give it to charity...' I mumbled. 'Yeah, you are, the charity of Natalie! It's gonna cost me a bit to kit you out! Clothes aren't cheap you know!' She was right, again. She had been good to help and good not to ask me for any money. 'We've gotta get you a school skirt, and a gorgeous dress I saw in Topshop the other day...and there's that lovely Sophie range for teen girls... Ill go into town tomorrow and get you something to wear on Sunday! What would you like?' My eyes widened in horror. I wouldn't like anything! 'Ok, ok, I know things are moving a bit quickly.' she said. 'Leave it up to me, ill get you something for Sunday. Ill let you go now, I've got other stuff to do.' I was glad to go, I just wanted to go home and lie down and try to cope with all this. I stood up to leave, but Natalie wasn't done yet. 'Ooh, I need to have a look at you for measurements.' she said. She looked me up and down and span me around. 'You've got a lovely little figure you know. Tiny waist and a cute little bum.' 'Can I just go now?' I groaned. 'Yeah, yeah, ok!' Natalie said. 'You've got to get into this and take it seriously though, you know?' She put both hands on my shoulders and stared at me intently, but I looked away. 'Look at me Sammy.' she said firmly. 'You've got to put the effort in, ok? I understand the position you're in and why, you're a good kid and I think you're doing the right thing. This is your decision, I'm not forcing you, I'm trying to help for both of our sakes. You're sure you want to do this? Speak now or forever hold your peace.' Yeah,' I said, sighing. 'But its all a bit much at the moment, I just need to go home and relax for a bit.' Natalie softened and smiled. 'Ok, I understand. don't worry, everything will be fine. Ill come get you at Eight thirty on Sunday morning and bring you to my place. My flatmates away at the moment so we'll have privacy, and plenty of time. You don't have to do anything just yet, Ill sort you out. And be a bit more positive about it eh?' She pulled me close and hugged me. We pulled away and she ruffled my hair. 'Go on, get!' she said. I left the office, not knowing what to think. It was late Saturday night and I was lying in bed, unable to sleep. Id actually avoided thinking about Sunday until a few hours ago, but now I had started I couldn't stop. I forced myself to face up to and deal with the fact. Tomorrow I would be dressed up as a girl and would have to pretend to be one all day, and not just for one day, for two afternoons a week as well. It hadn't seemed all this much when I had decided to commit myself to this at Mrs. Storey's the other day. Just acting as a girl toward somebody who already thought you were wasn't too bad, but to have to dress and look just like a girl as well was a frightening prospect, especially if anyone else were to knock on her door or something. I was scared of going too far and losing myself, as people already said that I acted girlishly. What if doing this sent me too far that way? Hopefully Natalie had got me some trousers to wear, just maybe some girls jeans wouldn't be too bad, and not too much make- up. But then I thought about what Natalie had said. 'In for a penny, in for a pound.' if I was doing this I had to do it properly so that there could be no risk of anyone finding out. If they did it would be just awful for everyone. Natalie had been really lovely to me and was being very helpful, so I shouldn't be giving her a hard time about it by moaning and being reluctant, it was my decision after all, as she had said. I always liked to think that I gave my all to things, so why not this? It was only two months, and I had to admit that I was a bit curious to see what I would look like. Natalie had said that I could be pretty... a quiver ran through me and I began to tingle all over. My heart began to thud quickly in my thin chest. I frowned and rolled over. I wouldn't think about it any more I decided, I would wait and see how I felt tomorrow when I was dressed up. I fell into a troubled sleep. Chapter 5 I woke up to the sound of my alarm at eight and rubbed my eyes. I slowly remembered what today was and my heart began to thud. I rolled out of bed and looked at myself in the mirror, wondering what I would see looking back at me in a few hours. I began to feel scared and depressed, but then I remembered Natalie's words. She was right, I was doing the right thing I realised. And what was so bad about being a girl? I tried to think of it positively, as a challenge. I pulled on a t shirt and some shorts, as it was a hot day and it obviously didn't matter what boys clothes I put on as I would be out of them soon. I had told my Aunt Marie all about my work experience, leaving out of course the bit about me being a girl, so there was no worries there. In fact there were no worries at all, this whole thing was working out too conveniently, I thought to myself over breakfast, waiting for Natalie to pick me up. It seemed that nobody would find out, we were all covered. Any reports on my stint as a home help could easily be altered slightly through Natalie, as she was very hands on and was the only person at her company who dealt with kids work experience. As caring work wasn't very popular with kids she didn't have much to manage, so she did it all herself. I as bought out of myself by a beeping of a car horn. I put away my breakfast things and went outside to Natalie. She was looking very excited and pleased to see me. 'Ooh Sammy!' she trilled. 'Are we gonna have a ball! I've got you a choice of three outfits, and some great make up, and...' 'Can we leave it until we get to your place please?' I asked, blushing and clambering into her car quickly. 'Someone might hear.' 'There's nobody around,' Natalie said. 'Relax! Ooh this is gonna be so great! How you feeling?' 'Ok,' I said. 'A little nervous.' 'It'll be fine, try and have a laugh. See it as a challenge.' she said. 'I had been thinking that actually,' I said, smiling. 'That's the spirit!' Natalie said. She reached over and ruffled my hair. We got to Natalie's flat after about five minutes. It was very spacious but such a mess! There were clothes strewn all over the floor and beauty products everywhere. Waiting to be used on me, I thought and gulped. Well, what do you think?' Natalie asked. 'Want a cup of tea?' 'Yes please,' I said. 'And the place is great...not the tidiest though is it?' 'I'm a busy girl!' Natalie called from the kitchen. I laughed. 'And your flatmates away for the weekend yeah, is that why its untidy?' 'No!' Natalie laughed, 'She's just as untidy as me!' She bought out my tea, cleared some space, put on some music and we sat on the sofa together. 'Well,' Natalie began. 'Where do we start eh Sammy?' I sipped my tea nervously, grasping the mug with both hands. I've been thinking about different looks for you,' Natalie continued, 'and had planned you out as a conservative kinda girl, blouse, jumper and skirt, pretty but posh, what do you think? But its up to you, wanna be a trendy, modern girl with big earring's and denim? Or we could do you up as a little sexpot, got you a lovely little red dress, but I dunno if you're ready for that yet eh?' she nudged me and laughed. I didn't know what to think, that had put me in all of a whirl. What kind of girl could I be? I had no idea, and didn't really want to know. As I didn't say anything, Natalie decided for herself. 'Ok, We'll see you as a blouse and skirt kinda gal, yeah?' I shrugged. 'Right then, First things first,' she said. 'Lets have a look at your legs, I imagine they need a shave.' She stood me up and looked down at my legs, frowning. There wasn't much hair then to begin with, just a little fuzz and barely noticeable, but Natalie decided it had to come off nonetheless. I groaned as she pulled me into her bathroom and got out a razor. Natalie sat me down on the toilet and proceeded to take all of the hair off of my legs. 'A girl would usually wax for best results, but you're ok cos there's not much there,' she said. I was fascinated in spite of myself to see the transformation my legs underwent. When she had finished she squealed in delight and clapped her hands together. 'Ooh, you've got lovely legs, come and have a look,' she pulled me toward her bedroom and the full length mirror but then stopped. 'No,' she said, 'We'll wait until you're completely finished before you see yourself I think, it'll blow you away! But give them a feel, go on.' it was weird, they felt very smooth. 'Right, top off' she said. 'Any hair under your arms or on your chest?' 'Do we really have to go that far?' I asked. This was surely too much. 'Yep, you never know.' she said firmly. 'You've got to be the best girl you can be. You know how much trouble ill be in if you're found out, and how weird the whole thing will look? To pass fully as a girl you've got to feel like a girl as well, through and through, because when you're there I don't just want you to act like a girl, I want you to feel like a girl, think like a girl and to be a girl, understand? Ok?' 'I don't know...' I said. This was sounding really scary to me. 'I don't want to lose myself, y'know, I am a boy and everything.' Of course,' Natalie said. 'But I reckon you should just go with this thing, its only for, what is it, two afternoons and I day a week for two months! That's not much. And I think it's a really good experience, a good opportunity to learn about yourself. Not many other boys have done it ill bet! And what's wrong with being a girl eh? So what if you get carried away? Have fun with it! I think you're a natural anyway!' 'Ok, ok go on then.' I conceded, pulling off my shirt. I had precious little underarm hair and chest hair but Natalie quickly disposed of it. She even ran the razor across my face, although at my tender age there was nothing there anyway. 'Ok, you're done!' Natalie said. 'Smooth as a babies behind!' I laughed, and went to put my shirt on. 'you might as well leave that,' Natalie said, 'as ill probably have to give you a hand with your bra.' 'Bra!?' I almost shouted. Natalie gave me a look and rolled her eyes. 'What did I just say?' she said, playfully whacking me around the head. 'When are you gonna stop complaining and get used to this?' 'But most girls my age don't have breasts, do they?' 'Some do,' Natalie said. 'Little ones. Even if they don't they often start wearing a bra at your age. I did, and you're going to as well Samantha. There's nothing that will make you feel more like a girl than wearing a bra.' She was certainly right about that. I couldn't imagine a more girlish thing to wear. My heart sunk even further as I realised that if she wanted me to wear a bra, she would probably want me in girls underwear also. 'I know what you're thinking.' Natalie said with a mischievous smile, 'Yes, you'll be wearing knickers as well! All the way baby!' 'Ok, ok.' I said, resigning myself to the situation. I was going to be a full on girl, Natalie wouldn't settle for anything less, and she was right to do so. 'Now your clothes, they're all in my flatmates room.' Natalie said. 'We'll do your make up last.' My heart began to thump and for the first time I felt really nervous about my impending change. We went into her flatmates room. Natalie had laid out all my stuff neatly (for once) on the bed. I gulped as I looked them over. There was a short sleeved, white open necked silk blouse, a red plaid/tartan pleated skirt, a pair of silky white knickers and a lacy white, slightly padded bra. The underwear made me shudder most of all. There was also a pair of simple long white socks and some low heeled black shoes. 'Well, whadya think?' Natalie said. 'Plaid skirt and white blouse is a simple but classic combo, kinda the American schoolgirl look. I got you these shoes and socks cos you can wear them to school as well as on Sundays. I think you'll look darling, very smart!' She picked up the bra. 'Ok, stick your arms out in front of you. This is pretty easy to do, but as I said this first time I'll sort you out with everything. What you do when you're on your own is put in on the wrong way round, fasten it across your tummy, then pull it round to your back and then straighten the straps.' She pulled the bra on to me. I could feel the straps tightly on my shoulders and winced slightly as Natalie fastened it around my back. 'I think it's a little twisted.' I said. 'No problem,' Natalie replied. She ran her fingers around it, front and back to straighten it out. 'Better?' she asked. 'Yeah, its ok, a bit tight.' 'Its best that way, Its a push up bra to give you a little help. I didn't have much more than you there when I was your age but I wore one just like this! With a bit of fiddling we can bring out some little boobs for you Sammy.' She walked around to my front, fiddled with the lacy padded cups and pushed out and up the flesh around my nipples to bring out some small mounds on my chest. The padding in the bra made sure they stayed up. 'Wow,' she said, smiling as she concentrated. She stepped back and put her hands on her hips. 'Looking good, if I do say so myself!' she said. 'Try to always stand up straight and stick your shoulders back, good posture is important.' I did as she said. 'You got a nice little pair girl! Even without a top on you look fine and normal!' The bra felt strange, but not altogether unpleasant. I felt quite secure in the way the pads gripped my chest. It felt very odd to have this new chest, but I was strangely pleased by Natalie's praise and glad that she had done a good job. I had quite a strong urge to feel them but didn't want to while Natalie was standing there. 'Can I have a look?' I asked. 'No, wait till you're done!' Natalie cried. 'It'll be better. I suppose I'll leave you to do the rest. 'Do I really have to wear the knickers?' I protested. 'No one's going to see down there are they?' As I said this my stomach flipped over at the thought of anybody seeing my behind in these. Natalie sighed and rolled her eyes. 'Do I have to keep repeating myself?' She said, irritated. 'All the way, baby. What if your skirt flips up or something huh?' I nodded wearily. 'Ok, then get a move on,' Natalie said. 'Get dressed sharpish and then come out for your make-up. And promise not to look before the end. ok?' 'Ok, ok,' I muttered. 'Good girl,' she said, 'Oh and Sammy?' I looked up. 'They're panties, dear, not knickers! Ta ta!' I stuck my tongue out at her as she closed the door. I lay down on the bed and sighed. I slowly raised my hands to my shoulders and traced my fingers along my bra straps and then slowly and gingerly over my new breasts. A shiver ran through me as I felt the lacy material that now encased my nipples just above the padding. I stood up and puffed out my chest and sucked in my stomach to see how it felt. I realised that I would always be conscious of the bra straps pressing against my shoulders, and ruefully understood Natalie's insistence that wearing a bra was important in making me look and feel girlish. I sighed again and looked over the clothing. I pulled off my shorts and pants quickly before I could think about it too much. I put on the small pair of silk knickers, sorry, Panties. I'd never worn anything like them before and again was surprised that they were quite comfortable. They were fairly snug and for once in my life I was glad that my penis wasn't very big, as once I had the skirt on I didn't feel worried that anybody would be able to spot my true gender. I longed to look at my figure but Natalie had made me promise not to look and I couldn't see a mirror in this room anyway. I opted for the blouse next. This seemed to be made of the same silky material as the panties and I had a bit of trouble with it as the buttons were on the other side to boys shirts. It fit me ok though and was comfortable enough. I straightened my bra straps and noticed that you could just about make out the straps through the thin material of the blouse, which I didn't really like. I ran my hands over the mounds on my chest through the blouse and pulled them around to make myself more comfortable. I looked at the tartan skirt with something close to dread. Somehow to me it seemed to be the worst item of clothing, the nail in the coffin that would mark me as a proper girl. All the other items felt like you could just about get away with wearing without feeling too weird, as with lots of clothing i could hide the bra, but wearing a skirt definitely marked a person out as a girl. I decided to put it on last. I pulled on the long white socks which stopped a few inches below my ankles, and then squeezed my feet into the black low heeled shiny school shoes and fiddled with the buckle. I stoop up, nearly complete except for the skirt. I didn't even want to touch it, just doing so seemed like I was betraying myself. I picked it up, and it felt horribly alien to me with its soft material and pleats but at the same time kind of familiar, I didn't know why. It had a flat panel at the front and pleats starting from the side which ran round to the back, and it seemed way too short. It seemed easy enough to put on though, with a zipper at the back with a button at the top. I stepped into it with my eyes shut and wiggled it around and up to my waist. I supposed that you put it on like a bra, with the back bit done up at the front to make it easier. I zipped it up, buttoned it and then wiggled it around to my back so the button was even with the small of my back. I instinctively tucked in my blouse and straightened myself up. So this was it, I was fully dressed. I didn't want to move so as to be conscious of the skirt. I had thought that id feel really uncomfortable but everything seemed to fit too well, really snug and felt almost controlling, restricting. The skirt was a little tight but I was comfortable with that as it held the blouse in. The hem of the skirt wasn't as short as it had seemed but I would have liked it a little longer, as it was it stopped a few inches above my knees. I walked around the room a bit to see what it felt like. It was an odd feeling to have the skirt brushing against my bare and now very sensitive legs as I moved, very but not a really bad one somehow. I felt quite free and unrestricted but strangely, at the same time it made me feel vulnerable and defenceless. I remembered Natalie waiting outside and I left the room. Natalie had been lying back on her double bed reading a magazine, but she dropped it when she saw me. 'Oh my god you look darling!' she yelped. 'Wow! Give us a twirl!' I slowly moved around, my hands holding the skirt to my legs as I didn't really like to feel it flapping around. 'How do you feel?' Natalie asked. 'And don't hold the skirt like that, it looks weird. Just let it go.' 'I feel ok, a bit weird.' I said. 'Cant I wear trousers? What does it matter?' 'Do stop going on Sammy, you know what I'm going to say. You look lovely as you are, everything fits perfectly! You look like a member of Tatu with your socks pulled up like that!' I quickly bent down and rolled them down. 'Come on then and lets get your face on,' Natalie said, 'Although I think you barely need any.' This comment made me pleased and scared at the same time! I didn't want to wear loads but thinking that I looked like a girl without make-up, well... 'On the bed.' She said. I hopped on and sat down cross legged. The skirt rose up awkwardly and almost exposed my panties, but I didn't care in front of Natalie. She did though. 'No no Sammy! You cant sit like that with a skirt on can you! You've got to get into it. Well I suppose it'll help when you see yourself when I'm done. Go on, sit properly. Fold your legs under yourself.' Sorry,' I muttered. She was right, I hadn't been thinking. 'Now just sit still, I've got it all ready,' she said, fussing around the various tubes and things. 'I don't think you need too much make-up as when I've done you're hair you'll look passable enough, but I'm just dying to go to town on those gorgeous eyes of yours, be a crime not to! You'll also need a bit of foundation and some light lipstick. ' 'Ok, whatever.' I said meekly. Natalie told me not to speak as she applied everything to my face. I didn't know what she was doing to me but I let her get on with it. She applied a light red lip gloss to my lips ('lasts longer than lipstick, you wont have to keep re-applying' she said) I sat patiently while she drew around my eyes, brushed my eyelids and put some weird contraption on my eyelashes to make them stick up. 'I wont be doing this for you all the time,' Natalie said as she worked, 'and as I said its maybe not always going to be necessary. But this first time is special and I want to go the whole hog. There...were done! Now the hair.' She hopped around behind me and began to brush my shoulder length light brown hair. 'You've got lovely hair,' she said. It actually felt really nice and relaxing to have Natalie brushing and playing with it, I could have sat there for ages. 'It could do with a really decent cut, but you've actually kept it pretty well.' She brushed it all back tightly from my forehead, pulled it up tightly on top of the back of my head and tied it into a ponytail which reached just nearly to the nape of my neck. Then she pulled some hair from the sides which hang down beside my face to tickle my cheeks. She then hopped around to my front again, looking me over diligently. She tucked the strands of hair behind my ears. 'Look's a bit cuter.' she muttered. 'Wow,' she said, smiling. 'A fringe would look even better, but I don't spose you'd go for that.' I nodded my head no. I was starting to feel weird now and both desperately wanted and dreaded to see what I looked like. She reached over to her desk and grabbed a pair of tweezers. 'Hold on,' I said. 'What are those for?' 'Just a few last minute touches, on your eyebrows,' she said. 'Its very subtle, it wont notice when you're a boy. Hold still.' If its so subtle what the point in doing it then? I thought, but stayed silent. Natalie also clipped some earrings on me, and again I couldn't be bothered to protest. 'Ooh, gotta do your nails as well!' Natalie squealed. 'Hang on!' she applied pink nail polish to my already fairly long nails. (I never bit them). I looked them over with mounting worry. 'There, we're all done!' Natalie said. 'God that was so much fun! Like having a little sister to play with.' 'Glad you enjoyed it,' I muttered. 'Can I look now?' 'Yeah, yeah, hang on!' she said. She pulled me up and fussed over me for one last time. She insisted on pulling my socks up nearly to my knees, tightened the scrunchie in my hair and smoothed down my skirt. She walked me over to the full length mirror and told me to close my eyes. she stepped back from me and told me to look. I opened my eyes and stared. I couldn't quite take it all in - what I saw was both me and not me. I was looking at a cute young girl who looked as if she was just becoming a pretty teen. My face looked soft and round, I could see my cheekbones and my eyes looked enormous. I opened my mouth in shock and the girl in the mirror opened her soft red lips too. I raised my hand to my face and brushed my strand of hair gently against my chin and then behind my ear, which had a clip on round red earring. The ponytail on the top of my head was secured by a red scrunchie which I ran my hand over gently. There was a neat uniformed look to me as the red scrunchie matched my skirt and the white socks with my blouse. My legs looked way too long but very little girlish with the high knee socks and shiny buckled shoes. I looked over at Natalie in astonishment, feeling horrified, but somehow the sensation was thrilling also. Surely no one would think I was a boy. I could just about see my boys face but it seemed as if now that face had forever been changed. Natalie jumped up and down in glee, clapping her hands together. 'Dont you look great? I'm so proud!' I was too shocked to speak. I backed away from the mirror and sat down on the bed. Natalie sat down next to me and put her arm around me. 'Are you ok?' she asked softly. 'I dunno...' I said. 'Its really weird. I, I look just like a girl,' My stomach flipped over and my heart was banging fit to burst. 'That's what we want isn't it?' Natalie said. 'You have to look like, feel like and be a girl for this, you know that. Its not that big a deal is it?' 'But I don't want to look this much like a girl,' I said quietly. I meant to say that I didn't want to look so pretty, but I couldn't get the words out. 'Why not? What's wrong with looking like a girl?' she said, throwing her hands into the air. 'You look great, enjoy it! You look prettier than most girls I know, you should be happy!' 'Bit it feels so weird, being, umm, pretty,' I said. 'I didn't imagine that I'd look like this.' I didn't want to accept that image as myself, it felt scary. 'I think you should feel good about yourself, I don't see anything wrong with it, for all intents and purposes now you are simply a very pretty girl. You know what, you look like Buffy!' I laughed, in spite of myself. Natalie did have a funny way of putting things that actually made me feel better. I feared identifying myself with that image in the mirror, but the way Natalie put it made it seem ok. Really, what was wrong with looking like a girl? Nothing really, I answered myself, but how about liking looking like a girl? But I don't, I answered myself, not really. 'It's ok if you like looking like this, you know.' Natalie said quietly. She had this uncanny knack of reading my thoughts. 'Anyone would, you know, you look good girl! Just chill out and enjoy it!' I had to go with what she said, it seemed to m