Genomorph Part 4 free porn video

Synopsis: A Navy SEAL is transformed into a sexy female super soldier by an alien machine. Now romance blossoms for Brandi, and she takes a major step in accepting the girl she has become. But her adversaries are on to her, and will stop at nothing to recover the weapon they desire... Warning: This story contains no graphic sexual content but does have adult situations and language and scenes of graphic violence, including an extended gun battle. Genomorph Part 4 of 5 By Scott Ramsey Edited by Janet Nolan and Carla Winters CHAPTER 27 Sunlight flooding in through the window awakened Brandi late Saturday morning, and she opened her eyes and felt Melissa behind her, arms wrapped around her. She smiled and thought it was a very good way to wake up. She closed her eyes again, pulling Melissa's arms tighter around her and sighing contentedly. She was content, but she was also quite confused. She and Melissa had made love the night before; it had started out more as frenzied sex but Melissa had gradually worked her down from where she had been after their night out and into a more steady, tender pace. The end result had been more passionate, more fulfilling than anything she had ever known before and was certainly a far cry from what she had experienced as Brandon. As the pleasure of orgasm had swept through her body, brought on by the tender ministrations of someone who truly cared about her, she had never felt more whole, more complete in her life as man or woman. It was afterwards, when Melissa had drifted off into a contented sleep that the confusion had come. Brandi had lain awake, trying to hold on to that feeling of contentment, but it began slipping away and the fear returned. For the first time since the transformation she had allowed herself to be a woman, completely and eagerly, and the memory of how good it had felt frightened her. One more piece of the man she had been had slipped away, but should she even be trying to hold on to it? For better or worse, she was Brandi now; she could never go back. There were more complications as well. She knew she was in love with Melissa, as surely as she had ever known anything in her life. She was certain that Melissa felt the same way, but she was not ready to acknowledge those feelings. Brandi suspected that it had a lot to do with the death of Melissa's parents; she was not ready to open her heart to someone yet because she was not ready to face the possibility that she might lose them. She understood those feelings; Brandon had gone through the same thing. It was very hard to give so much of yourself to anyone after having suffered such a loss. And of course I bring a whole world of complications with me, Brandi thought. She felt Melissa stir behind her and despite her thoughts she smiled again. It was good to feel the warmth of her body pressing close, the softness of her skin. She felt Melissa gently brush her hair aside and kiss the back of her neck. She could be confused later; right now she just felt too good to let any of that bother her. "Good morning beautiful," Melissa whispered, "You've been asleep for a whole eight hours; it's almost noon." Brandi rolled over so she could face Melissa. She touched her friend's cheek and then gently kissed her lips. Melissa smiled and asked, "How do you feel?" "I don't think I can describe it properly; wonderful, fantastic, elated...none of them seem to be enough," Brandi sighed. "Thank you Melissa. You were so right. I needed to be with someone and I'm so glad it was you." "You're welcome, but believe me it was my pleasure," Melissa said. "Now tell me what else you're feeling." "I am a little confused," Brandi admitted. "A little?" "Melissa I don't want to hurt your feelings..." "Sweetie telling me what you feel won't hurt my feelings," Melissa said. "I know what you felt last night; I know you enjoyed what we did because nobody could have reacted the way you did if they weren't enjoying it." "Enjoy hardly does it justice, it was the most incredible thing I have ever felt," Brandi said. "But afterward I felt really scared by how much I enjoyed it." "And you felt guilty too, right?" Melissa asked. Brandi nodded her head and looked as though she were about to cry. "That's what has me so confused," she said. "Is it wrong for me to feel that way? Am I giving in to the programming?" "Brandi we are all programmed to enjoy sex, it's one of the nicer parts of being human," Melissa said. "It makes sense that you would feel some confusion. I wish that one night of love making could take it all away, but I'm afraid it's not that simple. You have a whole new perspective to explore, and I really think you need to explore it; all of it, when you are ready. "I feel guilty too; I feel like I used you. I've wanted to be with you since the night we met, and seeing what was happening to you...well I convinced myself it was the right thing to do. I was so afraid you would be angry. I knew I could...seduce you. I'm sorry I took advantage of you, but I just didn't know what else to do." "Stop it," Brandi said. Her words were firm but she still smiled and her voice was soft and gentle. "You did the right thing; you did what had to be done. I'm not sorry about what happened, and I'm very lucky to have found such good friends. I guess you and Karen were plotting this whole scene last night." "Oh you did see that?" Melissa said. "I'm surprised you didn't hear what we were saying." "I was more out of it than I realized," Brandi admitted. "Even after Renee found me and stopped me it didn't stop; if anything it got worse. Part of me was very glad that she had found me, but another part was so frustrated. Like I said, I had pretty much totally given in; I was going to say yes to whatever he wanted me to do. To have the brakes put on me like that...well I think if you hadn't been there for me I would have slipped out and found the first willing guy I could." "Yes we noticed, and we decided that something had to be done," Melissa said. "Karen even volunteered to be the one." Brandi's eyes widened, "She did?" "She's still as straight as ever," Melissa laughed. "But she loves you sweetie, and seeing you like that was hurting her too. And she knows I...I care about you a lot. She didn't want me to risk hurting our relationship." "I love you, Melissa," Brandi said softly. Melissa looked at her, filled with conflicting emotions. She did not know what to say, and the last thing she wanted to do was hurt Brandi. She did love her, but she was not sure she loved her, not yet. "Brandi..." "It's ok, you don't have to say anything," Brandi smiled. "I know you're not sure. I can wait. But I wanted you to know how I feel; I wanted you to hear me say it. And I want you to know that no matter what, nothing can ever come between us, even if you find you can't love me the way I love you." Brandi snuggled up close and laid her head on Melissa's shoulder. She felt different, and she knew she had cleared a hurdle in her path to truly accepting who she was. Yes, there was confusion but as she lay there in Melissa's arms it did not seem to be so bad. Really, there was only one more hurdle left, one very big one. But for now, she was perfectly content to lay there and cuddle with her friend. "So tell me, truthfully, how was it?" Melissa asked after they had lain there in silence for a while. "It was wonderful...really...it's just..." "You can be honest Brandi," Melissa smiled. "Well it's just that I was, like, on autopilot," Brandi said. "I was so hyped up...I mean I don't know how good I was." "You have nothing to worry about there," Melissa sighed. "You were absolutely incredible. You may not be entirely comfortable in a woman's body, but you certainly know your way around one in bed." Brandi started giggling hysterically. When she regained control she said, "At least I have experience with that." "I'd say a whole lot of experience," Melissa said with another contented sigh. "Still, if you're really that concerned, I think I'm rested up enough for another go; if you're in the mood of course." "Silly girl," Brandi giggled as she slid her hand slowly down Melissa's stomach. "I am always in the mood." And to hell with the confusion, she thought. ***** Susan was surprised as she entered the parlor late in the morning to see Amanda talking to a very attractive redheaded woman. "I'm sorry, Amanda, I didn't realize you had a guest," Susan said as she turned to leave. "No that's quite all right, Susan dear, please join us for some tea," Amanda smiled. "This is my neighbor Sabine Rosseau. Sabine, this is my dear friend, Susan Covington. She's staying with me for a few weeks." "It's a pleasure to meet you, Susan," Sabine said in a warm alto. She was young, certainly no older than thirty and her dark red hair and deep green eyes gave her a very sultry appearance. "Sabine was just telling me about a charity fund raiser she is holding next month," Amanda said as Susan sat down. "It's for the Pediatric AIDS Foundation," Sabine explained. "I was hoping to enlist Amanda's support." "That's certainly a worthy cause," Susan said. "I will be glad to contribute," Amanda agreed. "I think it's wonderful that you are doing this Sabine. If you like, I can make some calls and get the word out to the right people." "I'd really appreciate that, Amanda," Sabine said. "I don't have anywhere near your status and connections, and, well you know how it is." "Of course," Amanda smiled. Gretchen brought in a tray of tea and coffee and served the three women, who exchanged small talk for some time. Inevitably Sabine became curious about Susan. "Have you known each other long?" she asked. "I don't mean to pry..." "Not at all, dear," Amanda smiled. "Susan is a genetics researcher. We met through one of the foundations I help and became friends. I've contributed to her research on several occasions." "That sounds fascinating, what kind of research?" Sabine asked. Susan took her cue from Amanda and stayed as close to the truth as possible, "It mainly involves the regeneration of tissue as a means to fight disease and heal injuries." The explanation was basically the truth; before becoming involved with the Forerunner project Susan had been doing research along those very lines. It was one of the things that had drawn her to the project, once she had been allowed to see some of the data deciphered from the Forerunner files. Their understanding of genetics was incredibly advanced. "That does sound interesting," Sabine said. "I had no idea genetics were involved in healing injuries." "Well we are still trying to determine how involved they are," Susan said. "People heal at different rates; a cut that may take a week or more to heal on one person can heal on another in a matter of days. There are many factors involved of course; the overall health of the person, age, physical condition and even diet, but there is still a genetic link. Some people are born with a more robust immune system than others; they never seem to get sick, or if they do they recover much faster. If we can discover the genetic link to this, we could develop treatments that could have far reaching results. Eliminating or reducing disease in humans could conceivably extend the natural lifespan by decades." "Won't you stay for lunch, dear?" Amanda asked Sabine. "I'd love to have a chance to chat more. It's been so long since we visited." "I would really like to but I'm afraid I must decline," Sabine said. "I have several appointments today and I really need to be going." They rose and walked Sabine to the door. Her limousine was waiting out front, and Amanda gave her a warm hug before she walked down to the waiting car. "I'm sorry, Susan," Amanda said as they walked back to the parlor. "Sabine's visit was a bit of a surprise. Gretchen was away in town picking up some groceries and I was unable to let you know she was here. When she got back, she did not know to go and tell you." "I don't see how it could do any harm," Susan said. "I'm sure she has no idea who I am. What I told her about my research is public knowledge." "Sabine is a dear girl," Amanda said. "Her mother was a very good friend of mine and Sabine has had a rough go since she lost her a few years back. To be honest, she went a little wild. I'm glad to see she is finding purpose in her life now." As the long black car wound its way along the drive, Sabine sat in the back, smiling as she idly fingered the pendant that hung from a silver chain around her neck. She regarded the purple stone for a moment, and then picked up the car phone and began dialing. ***** Karen came home shortly after Melissa and Brandi had finished a very late breakfast. The three girls went out on the deck and talked for a long time about the night before. Mostly Karen and Melissa talked about the band's performance and ways that they could improve upon it in the future. Brandi made a few comments, but mostly they were limited to things such as "Yeah, I really like that song". "Brandi, what's wrong?" Melissa asked. "You seem like you're in another world." "I guess I am," Brandi smiled. She lit a cigarette as she collected her thoughts, regarding its glowing tip for a moment before speaking. "I never told you this but I didn't start smoking until the day I met Arnie," she said. "But when I saw his cigarettes, something inside me clicked, and I wanted one; more than that I needed one. And when I took my first drag, I felt very content, like I had passed a test. "I felt the same thing yesterday when Dylan kissed me and I responded, and again last night. I've been sitting here thinking back, and I see now that I felt the same thing every time I have taken a step towards accepting who I am. The first time I explored my body; the first time I dressed like a girl, even the first time I altered my appearance. I think the programming in me has a kind of checklist, and I have to accomplish certain tasks on that list, like it's trying to verify that I'm operating like I'm supposed to. And the longer I resist, the more it pressures me to act." "And there's only one more thing on the checklist," Karen said. "Well there's only one thing I feel pressured to do," Brandi smiled. "What bothers me though is I still don't know who I am. Is everything I do based upon behavior that was programmed into me? Am I just a weapon that acts like a person?" "Brandi if you can ask that question I think you have the answer," Karen said. "If you were nothing more than a weapon, a human looking machine, you wouldn't have these doubts and fears." "I guess you're right," Brandi said. "After last night do you feel different towards girls?" Melissa asked. Brandi considered the question carefully before answering, "No, not really. It's very hard to explain. What I feel about sex is one thing; there is this very powerful attraction to both men and women. The thought of being with a man still scares the hell out of me, but after last night...after we were together, well I'm not afraid of being with a woman, and I still very much want to be. I really wasn't afraid of it before; I was more afraid of giving in to the sexual desires I feel in any way. "So, no, I don't feel different towards girls, and yet I do. If anything, I know more than ever that emotionally I am far more attracted and comfortable with another woman...one in particular." Melissa blushed and Brandi smiled at her lovingly. "Maybe once you take that last step, you won't feel attracted to men anymore," Karen suggested. "I don't think so," Brandi said. "The sexual desire is designed to allow me to perform the missions a Genomorph was created for, and to do so convincingly. I think I will always find men attractive; I just hope that there won't be a constant, driving need to be with a man. I find myself thinking about it more and more everyday. Worse, I find myself wanting it." "So were you in that Zen sleep thing last night?" Melissa asked, deciding she better change the topic before Brandi got too worked up. "You were sure out, and then when you woke up you were ready to go." "Ready to go huh?" Karen grinned. It was Brandi's turn to blush now and her cheeks turned bright red, "Yes, part of the night I was in Zen sleep. It beats waking up hung over." "You drank enough to float a frat house," Melissa giggled. "I'm surprised you could even walk." "Even when I don't control it, there seems to be a limit to just how drunk I can get," Brandi said, "though I was certainly acting the part." "Well, except for the end, did you have a good time?" Karen asked. Brandi smiled warmly, "I had a good time, even at the end. I was enjoying every minute of it even then...but I'm glad Renee found me. I'm still not ready to sleep with a guy." She blushed again before adding, "After last night though I think I'm a lot closer to it than I was before." CHAPTER 28 "Susan, if you have a moment I have something you should see," Amanda said from the base of the stairs to the basement. Susan had spent many hours the last few days looking through the artifacts that Amanda had collected, and had stumbled across something she had seen before. "Sure, I have something to show you too," Susan said. She retrieved a large canvas bag from the work table and slipped it over her shoulder as she joined Amanda. They made their way to Susan's office, and upon entering she saw that there was a large crate on the floor. "This arrived by courier from my source in Nevada this morning," Amanda said. "I believe it is very important." Susan stepped over to the crate, and upon seeing that the top was already pried loose she lifted it away. The inside was lined with a thick layer of foam, and once the top piece was removed Susan saw a gleaming silver cube; a storage case for Forerunner technology. The cube was two feet on each side, and as with other such containers, was seamless with no apparent way of opening it. Generally, such cases had a small black square on top, which when pressed caused the lid of the case to open, in actuality the lid would simply disappear. Another square on the side was used to reseal the case. This one was different, however. Instead of a square there was a black hand print on the top. Next to it were some lines in Forerunner script and one word in English....Brandi. "This came from the cache at the lab?" Susan asked. "Yes," Amanda confirmed. "My contact found it while cataloguing some of the artifacts. There were several other identical cubes, but only this one had Brandi's name on it." "Whoever your contact is, they took a big chance smuggling this out," Susan commented. "Yes and I was not at all pleased," Amanda said, a frown on her face. "Well it is obviously connected to the Genomorph Protocol, and intended for Brandi," Susan said. "When I saved her data file, the computer must have transmitted the data to this container and encoded it for Brandi." "Shall I make arrangements to get it to her?" Amanda asked. Susan nodded, "I have no idea what it is, but it must be important, or at least highly useful." "I'll make the arrangements," Amanda said. "I was just about to have tea on the veranda, won't you join me? You can show me what you found then." A few minutes later they were sipping tea and enjoying the lovely fall day. Susan reached into her bag and pulled out what looked like a large PDA and set it on the table. "I found this in your collection," Susan told Amanda as she showed her the device. "It looks like a tricorder," Amanda smiled. "I should have known you would be a Star Trek fan," Susan grinned. "As a matter of fact that is basically what it is. It's a miniature computer and scanning device. We had several in Nevada but this has one major difference...it's fully functional." "Can you operate it?" Amanda asked. "Now that it has been interfaced with my computer and has translated itself, yes," Susan said. "With this we can scan for changes made by the brainwashing device, and program the device you have to remove those changes, even after the sleeper has been activated, as long as the programming has not been active for too long." "You should scan me, and Gretchen as well," Amanda said. "Amanda I trust you," Susan said. "Trust is not the point, Susan," Amanda said. "If we have been programmed, we wouldn't even know it. The only way to be sure is to scan us." Susan ran the scan, finding Amanda clean. She then scanned Gretchen who was likewise clean. After that was done, she showed Amanda how to run the scan so she could verify that Susan was free of the sleeper programming. Amanda ran the scan and gasped, "Susan..." Susan looked at the screen, which displayed a list of programming that was buried within her mind. She could not tell what she was programmed to do, just that there was code embedded in her sub-conscious. She stared at it for a long time before speaking. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised," she said quietly. "They had ample opportunity to get to me in the four years I was working for them, I just have no idea when this was done." She began shaking, and soon she was crying as Amanda held her. "It's like being raped!" she cried. "They violated my mind! Those fucking, evil bastards got into my head!" "But we can fix it, Susan," Amanda soothed, though inside she was seething. It was, just as Susan said, a kind of rape; even more perverse and violating than a physical assault in many ways. "I feel like I know some of what Brandi must feel now," Susan said once she had regained her composure. "I mean intellectually I understood it before...but to really know that something has been put in you to make you act in a certain way...it's a very uncomfortable feeling. The one thing we truly can call our own is our thoughts, and yet these people have no problem invading that sanctuary and shaping it to fit their design." "I imagine the programming is intended to make you obedient and supportive of their agenda once they initiate their plan," Amanda said. "They would still want your knowledge available to them." Susan shuddered, wondering just how obedient the programming would make her. "Why didn't they just activate me and use me to get to Brandi?" Susan wondered. "We caught them by surprise," Amanda said. "I do know they can activate individual sleepers, but it requires them to be close. In order to activate you now, they would have to use their satellites to send out a general signal and activate all the sleepers. They are not ready to do that yet." "So they don't know about you?" "They don't perceive me as a threat," Amanda told her. "I have been very careful to cultivate that impression, and it has required me to turn a blind eye to some things they have done." "He will win who knows when to fight and when not to fight," Susan said, smiling. Amanda smiled as well, "Sun Tzu also said, 'All warfare is based on deception', and we must never forget that our enemy is a master of deception." "Yes, indeed," Susan agreed. "Now let's get this garbage out of my head." Susan rose and then turned to Amanda, a smile crossing her face. "Wait, I have a better idea," she said. "A little deception of our own. But we'll need some help." CHAPTER 29 It was early Monday morning as shadowy figures began taking positions near a condominium building in Las Vegas. The sun would be up in about two hours, and the street was quiet and deserted. Petty Officer First Class Mark Lewis peered through the scope of his weapon at the black sedan parked outside the condominium complex. The Condor air rifle was a far cry from the weapon he generally used, but it was up to the task at hand. Capable of launching a twenty-two caliber pellet at over twelve hundred feet per second, it was more than enough to puncture the tires of the car without making a sound or the risk of over penetration or ricochets that could endanger innocent civilians. Three more of his platoon mates were in concealed positions around the vehicle and on his command they would disable it. Inside his condo, Ryan Sanders woke to the sound of his phone ringing and looked at the clock. It was just after four in the morning and he muttered angrily, wondering what was wrong at the lab now. "This better be good," he grumbled as he picked up the phone. "Yeah what is it?" "Ryan there's no time to explain," Susan's voice said in his ear. "You know you're being watched. I need your help. A black Excursion is pulling up out front right now. Move!" Ryan dropped the phone and quickly donned a pair of jeans and a shirt, and then slipped on his sneakers. Rising he grabbed his laptop computer and a brown leather duffel bag; he had kept the bag packed and ready for weeks now, and sprinted out of his condo. He ignored the elevators and took the stairs, flying down three flights and out of the building. The black Ford SUV was pulling up just as Susan had said. It slowed to a crawl but did not stop as the back door opened. Ryan launched himself and was pulled in by strong hands. The door slammed shut and the SUV sped away. Ryan's shadows started the engine of their car to pursue. "Take 'em." Lewis whispered into his radio. The car had barely begun moving when all four of its tires went flat. By the time the two agents were out of the vehicle, the four SEALs had disappeared into the night. ***** Brandi, Melissa and Karen entered Keller Karate Tuesday evening and immediately drew stares from all the men who were working out. It was much later than Brandi's usual workout time and there were more people there, but tonight she was not here to work out. Dylan had called her the day before and asked if she could fill in for his women's self defense instructor, who was out with the flu. Brandi had been reluctant at first, but Melissa and Karen had convinced her it would be good for her to interact with other women and that she could provide them with information that would be very valuable to them. "Don't worry about the boys, they do that all the time," Brandi said. "Just smile and try not to make eye contact." "Speak for yourself, kiddo," Karen said. "There are some real hunks here." Brandi was about to reply when she saw Dylan approaching. She held her comment and smiled as she greeted him. "Well you are certainly raising the class of this place, Brandi," Dylan said. Melissa and Karen shared a look as Brandi greeted Dylan with a warm hug. "These are my friends Melissa and Karen," Brandi told him. "It's a pleasure to meet you both," Dylan said, flashing them his roguish smile. Brandi felt a tingle rush through her, and fought the sensation down. She really liked Dylan, and her growing friendship with him was making her sexual urges even harder to resist. Besides Arnie Belcher, she had not develop a close relationship with any man since her transformation until she met Dylan. "I really appreciate you taking Jenny's class tonight, Brandi," Dylan said. "Jerry will be your 'dummy' tonight. He's getting suited up now." Brandi led Melissa and Karen to the smaller room that Dylan used for private workouts and small classes. Her friends both began giggling as they entered at the sight of Jerry, his six foot frame encased from head to toe in red foam padding. Brandi explained that the protective suit allowed the class members to practice on the 'dummy' as though it was a real attack, without actually hurting him. Brandi stripped down to her sports bra and tights and began limbering up as several women of various ages slowly filed into the room. When the time for the class to start arrived, there were twelve women there including Melissa and Karen. Dylan came in to start the class off and introduce Brandi to the women. "Our regular instructor, Jenny is out with the flu so Brandi here has graciously agreed to take over for tonight," Dylan told them. "Now you may think she looks like a model and not a martial arts instructor, but I can tell you she has taught me a thing or two, most importantly to never underestimate someone based on appearance." Brandi blushed slightly and thanked Dylan as he turned the class over to her. She then had everyone introduce themselves and passed out a handout them that listed some basic tips and the defensive moves they would be learning over the course of the class. "The first thing I want to stress, before we talk about anything else or learn any defensive techniques is preparedness and awareness," she told the class. "I'm not trying to scare you, but we are all targets. There are predators out there, and they see us as prey; weak and vulnerable. The plain fact is that it's true; the average woman is smaller and weaker than the average man. The trick is to turn that against an attacker, because he won't be expecting you to fight back. "Awareness is your number one weapon. By being aware you can avoid potentially dangerous situations. Always be aware of your surroundings and if a situation feels wrong, get out of there. Think about where you park your car, where you are going. Look around before you get out of your car, even if it's at home. Never park in a dark, secluded area. When walking out to your car, have your keys ready in hand. If you can, get a remote keyless entry system." Brandi saw several heads nodding, knowing she was relaying information many of them had heard before. It was really no different than what Brandon had learned as a SEAL, only he had always known when he was going into danger. She felt a bit awkward preaching to them about the importance of awareness; with her enhanced senses she did not have to think about it, her mind was aware on a subconscious level constantly. "With awareness you can hopefully avoid getting into a situation," she continued, "but even if you can't, it can give you enough warning to allow you to react. That's where being prepared comes in. The moves you will learn here are part of that, but they won't do you a bit of good unless you make up your mind, right here and now, that you will not be a victim." For the next two hours Brandi worked with the women, first demonstrating a technique with Jerry and then allowing each of them to practice it several times. She stuck to Jenny's outline; the moves were basic enough to learn easily but very effective. She also stressed that the goal of each was to stop the attacker long enough for the woman to make an escape and that she was not teaching them to fight it out with a man. "Once you put him down, don't give in to the temptation to kick him while he's on the ground," she told them. "Run as fast as you can and scream as loud as you can. In most situations, the combination of your unexpected resistance and the commotion you make as you flee will convince him to retreat." Brandi was quickly over her initial nervousness and actually had fun. By the time the class was over she felt truly sorry for poor Jerry and was certain he probably had a few bruises despite the heavy padding; some of the women had been quite enthusiastic. Brandi could tell, thanks to her enhanced sense, that many of them had very personal reasons for taking this class. "I'm glad I told Dylan I would do this," Brandi told Melissa and Karen after the class. "It felt really good." "You did a great job," Karen told her. "I think you made a big impression on everyone. Of course, we already know you're wonderful." "It makes me think," Brandi said. "I'm really lucky; I've never had to deal with that kind of fear. The one thing I wasn't worried about when I came to LA was being attacked." "Well that's obvious," Melissa giggled. "You are the only woman I've ever met that came to LA looking to be attacked." Brandi blushed at the reminder of her first night in Los Angeles, when she had taken a taxi to an area virtually controlled by street gangs to basically pick a fight. She realized now how foolish that had been; though not because she had been in any real danger of being hurt, at least not physically. Instead of helping her resist her growing sexual urges however, the fight had very nearly caused her to give in to them. Dylan was working with a group of young boys as the three girls entered the main room. Brandi waved and smiled as they walked towards the door, and Dylan left the group and jogged over to catch them. Brandi felt a definite thrill run through her as he neared, followed by a surge of fear and apprehension. She could feel her mind 'changing gears' as her anxiety tried to shift her into 'bimbo mode', but she took a deep breath and fought it off. Calm down, you can handle this. "Jerry tells me you did a great job," Dylan said as he neared them. "It was fun," Brandi told him. "Well you know we have a lot of interest in the class," Dylan said. "I wouldn't mind starting one on another night." "I'm happy to help if I can like I did tonight, Dylan," Brandi said. "I couldn't commit to anything more. For all I know I could be gone tomorrow." "Let's hope that doesn't happen," Dylan said, leaning forward quickly and kissing her on the cheek. "That would be a very sad day." Dylan said goodnight and returned to his students and the three girls left the gym. As soon as they were outside Brandi reached into her purse and took out a cigarette. Melissa and Karen both notice her hands trembling slightly as she lit it. "I win," Melissa said. "It was under five seconds." "You're right," Karen said. Brandi looked at them both in confusion. "We made a bet about how long it would take you to light up once we were outside," Karen explained. "Very funny," Brandi said, exhaling smoke in their general direction. "You have been smoking a lot more lately," Melissa said. "I know," Brandi said. "It's not even like I really enjoy it that much. I mean I get a sense of satisfaction because it is programmed into me, but I do it mainly as a distraction. I can focus on that rather than...other things." "Dylan is very handsome," Melissa said. "It's obvious he likes you a lot." "Why wouldn't he?" Brandi said, her voice betraying a hint of bitterness. "I was made to be desirable. That is the hardest part about the feelings I have, and the attention I attract; I don't know if any of it is real." "Brandi, listen to me," Karen said. "What you are feeling is nothing new; we women face the same questions all the time. Is he interested in me or my body? The trick is to give it time, get to know a guy. If he's just after a quick tumble, he'll lose interest if you don't put out fast enough. If he really cares, if he really wants to know you, he won't give up." "There's more to it for me though," Brandi said. "True, you have an artificially elevated sex drive," Karen said. "Men are largely driven by their bodies when it comes to sex, where women are more driven by their emotions. But you are driven by both, and it causes conflict. I can't tell you how to balance the two, but I believe you will find a way." "You've lived with those feelings for months now," Melissa added. "If you were going to be ruled by them, it would have happened by now." "It's come close," Brandi said. "Fortunately I have people looking out for me." Brandi's head snapped to the right as a sound reached her hyper sensitive ears, and she began walking purposefully up the sidewalk in the opposite direction of their house. "Trouble," she said as Melissa and Karen followed. Soon they could hear a young woman's loud protests and ahead they could see the altercation. One of the girls from the class, Sally Prescott, was being confronted by a man who was yelling at her angrily. As they neared the scene, he reached out and grabbed Sally's wrist and started pulling her towards a car. Sally dug the nails of her other hand into the back of his hand and with a cry of pain he released her. She turned to flee but he quickly wrapped an arm around her throat and pulled her roughly back. "I suggest you let her go," Brandi growled as they reached the scene. "Get lost, this is none of your business," the man shouted back. "I disagree," Brandi said. "You are on a public street assaulting a young woman. I'm making it my business." The young man sized Brandi and her friends up and did not seem terribly impressed. Brandi knew she could step forward and take him down in less than a second, but she saw something in Sally's eyes, a very deep fear. She knew this was a crucial moment for the young woman. "Sally, it's time to make your choice," Brandi said softly. Sally's eyes hardened at her words, and she acted. She smashed her right foot down on his toes even as she snapped her head back into his face, squarely on his nose. His grip loosened slightly and she grabbed his thumb, prying it away painfully and twisting free from him as he tried to balance on one foot. He lost the fight and fell to the sidewalk as Sally rushed away, stopping when Brandi was between her and the man. "You bitch!" he screamed. "You broke my fucking thumb!" "I seriously doubt that," Brandi said. "At the most she dislocated it." "It's over Craig, why can't you get that through your head?" Sally said. "It's over when I say so!" Craig shouted, rising to his feet and taking a step forward. This time Brandi did step in; Sally had done what she had been taught. She had acted to defend herself and stopped the assault, and then gotten clear of her attacker and found help. He would not touch her again. Brandi did not try anything fancy; she simply punched him in his already bloody nose hard enough to send him staggering back. Craig snarled in rage and launched a punch of his own. Brandi caught his fist and twisted, forcing him down to his knees and then shoving him away. He sprawled to the sidewalk once more. "You're lucky, a few weeks ago I would have broken your arm on principle, but I've grown since then," Brandi said. "If you try to touch her again though I will put you in the hospital." "I've already called 911," Karen said, wiggling her cell phone for him to see. "I can call an ambulance while I've got my phone out too if you want." A look of fear crossed Craig's face and he scrambled to his feet and got in his car. With squealing tires he sped away from the curb. After he was gone Brandi turned to Sally. "Are you ok?" "Yes," Sally nodded. "He didn't hurt me...this time." "We all saw the assault," Karen said. "When the cops get here we can give them a statement." "I already have a restraining order against him," Sally said. "Good, that means they will pick him up with no problem," Brandi said. The police arrived and twenty minutes later had taken their statements. Brandi was able to give them a detailed description of Craig's vehicle and the tag number, and within minutes of putting out a bulletin on the radio the officers informed them that Craig had been picked up a few blocks away after running a red light. He was being taken to the emergency room to have his injured thumb treated and then would at least be spending the night in jail. "I've seen you at Keller Karate, haven't I?" one of the responding officers asked Brandi. His name tag said Montoya on it. "Yes I work out there a few times a week, Officer Montoya," Brandi said. She had thought he looked familiar; he was one of the regulars at the dojo. "Yeah I heard you put Dylan on his butt a few times," Montoya laughed. "He's a great guy but he can be a little cocky at times; I would have loved to see his face when that happened. Were you the one who messed up this guy's hand?" "No that was all Sally," Brandi said. "She showed him a few things she learned in tonight's self defense class. I only stepped in when he didn't get the message." "Well with the prior incidents and his violating the restraining order the judge will probably throw the book at him on this assault charge," Montoya said, turning Sally. "If he gives you anymore trouble be sure and call us." "Thank you officer, I will," Sally said. "You know I could go for a drink," Karen said after the police had left. "Why don't you join us, Sally?" "That sounds nice," Sally said. There was an air of confidence about her that had not been there before. "We aren't going to be picking up any guys are we...I don't think I'm ready for that yet." Brandi put her arm around Sally's shoulder and smiled, "You and me both, Sally." CHAPTER 30 Three days after he had been pulled from his condo, Ryan entered Amanda Breton's Virginia estate with an awed look. He had spent two of those days at the safe house the SEALs had in California while they made certain that no one was tracking him, and then he had been flown to Virginia. The house was not quite what he had expected; it was certainly opulent enough but there was a definite warmth that such mansions often lacked. Many of the walls were decorated with paintings, but rather than pieces from famous artists they looked like something one might find at a local art show. It felt like a home, not a museum, and Ryan's initial nervousness quickly vanished. Like many, he knew of the wealthy woman through her work in humanitarian efforts around the world. She was one of the few wealthy people he found truly admirable; always ready to use her influence when it mattered but never flaunting it. Amanda and Susan were waiting in the foyer to greet him, and he was more than a bit surprised when Susan gave him a big hug. He had always liked her, but she had never been a person who went in for emotional displays; at least not before Brandi had come into her life. "I'm so glad we got you away from that place safely," Susan said. "Let me introduce you to our benefactor and someone I have come to regard as a close friend, Amanda Breton." "It's an honor to meet you, Mrs. Breton," Ryan said as they shook hands. "Please, call me Amanda. Being called Mrs. Breton makes me feel like an old lady." Ryan laughed, knowing that Amanda was well into her seventies, though she did not look a day over fifty. They went into the parlor and Gretchen brought in a tray of refreshments. The pretty blonde gave Ryan an uncharacteristic smile as she served him, and actually blushed when he thanked her. "Gretchen likes you, Ryan," Amanda said as the girl left the parlor. "She's rather shy around men. I'm afraid she had a rather traumatic childhood." "I don't think I've ever heard her speak," Susan said. "She is quite fluent in English, as well as her native Dutch and French and German," Amanda told them. "As I said, she's very shy. "I found her five years ago. Her parents had died when she was very young, and when she was twelve the administrator of the orphanage she was in sold her to a wealthy Dutch business man. She was his plaything for six years, until some people I was working with freed her. Her former 'master' as well as several members of the orphanage staff were arrested and imprisoned." "It sounds like they got off lucky," Ryan muttered, outraged that someone could do such a thing to human being, not to mention someone as lovely as Gretchen. "Indeed they did. I brought in counselors and teachers to work with Gretchen. Naturally, after being treated as a sex object for so long that was how she saw herself. She had a long road to travel, and she has made tremendous strides. Of course she will deal with issues arising from her treatment for the rest of her life, but she is a remarkable young woman." "She must be incredibly strong," Susan said. "I hope she and Brandi can meet," Amanda said. "In many ways Gretchen has had to deal with programmed behavior of her own." "I think that would be wonderful," Susan agreed. She then turned to Ryan, an apologetic look on her face. "I'm sorry we had to whisk you away like this, Ryan," she said. "The situation is far worse than we ever suspected, and we desperately need your help. But first, I need to run a scan on you." Susan reached into her bag and took out the Forerunner handheld scanner. The scan revealed that Ryan was free of any mental programming. She quickly explained to him what she had learned about the programming of the sleeper agents and showed him the scan results revealing the programming within her mind. "I guess they had bigger fish to fry than me," Ryan said, relief obvious in his voice. "You've only been with the project a little over a year," Susan said. ">From what Amanda has told me, they have been stepping up their efforts to program people in power. They likely reasoned that you would be easy enough to get to once they enact their plan." "What do you want to do?" Ryan asked. "I assume you're after something more than just removing the programming they put in you." "Yes I am," Susan said. "What we need you to do is write a new program, one that will leave their programming in place so that I will know when they activate the sleepers, but still allow me to act under my own free will. I need to know what the programming is trying to make me do." "If they had any sense at all it will require you to make contact for instructions," Ryan said. "It probably includes code words too so they will know you are under their control." "Can you do it?" Susan asked. "The only Forerunner computer we have is this hand unit." Susan passed the device to Ryan and he examined it for several minutes. "Yes I can do it with this," he said. "My laptop has custom interfaces attached that will hook up to this unit. I can use it to enter the data, which will speed up the process. It's going to take time though." "Is there anything else you need?" Amanda asked. "Lots of coffee and sweets," Ryan grinned. "I don't plan on sleeping much until this is done." "I'll have Gretchen keep you supplied," Amanda said, smiling. It would be good for her to have contact with this charming young man. CHAPTER 31 It was a pleasant early October day a week later as Melissa pulled her SUV into the garage, with sunny skies and the temperature in the upper seventies. It had been her usual day; nine hours split between her own classes and her work as a teaching assistant in the music department, mostly tutoring undergraduates in piano and cello, which was often maddening to say the least. Yet as she walked in through the garage door she felt a smile spreading across her face. Coming home to Brandi always made her smile, no matter how tired she was. It had been nearly two months since the night they had met; the night Brandi had saved her and turned her world upside down in a wonderful way. For the past two weeks they had been lovers, but Melissa was still uncertain of her feelings. Being in love with Brandi brought with it a host of unique complications. She could deal with the fact that Brandi was in hiding, and that perhaps one day they would be on the run. She actually found that somewhat exciting. But could she deal with growing older while Brandi was forever young? Could she see her own body age and wither and not feel her love turn into resentment? 'Who are you kidding?' she asked herself. 'She's everything you want.' It was not Brandi's looks, although Melissa was not ashamed to admit that she had been physically attracted to Brandi the instant she saw her. But more than anything it was her innocence. Some of that had been programmed into her by the alien machine, a behavior designed to lull an enemy into believing she could not possibly be a threat. But more than that, it came from the fact that Brandi was seeing the world through a new set of eyes. Every experience for her was fresh and new, and Melissa loved watching her grow. There was also a definite strength that came through when Brandi became comfortable with someone and no longer felt the need to hide who she was. She was the most fearless person Melissa had ever known, and that too was not a product of her transformation; if anything it was one of the reasons she had been transformed. Still Melissa felt she had to be sure, and so she was waiting for some indefinable sign that would let her know for certain that she really and truly loved Brandi and wanted to be with her for the rest of her life. She got it sooner than she expected. Brandi was nowhere to be seen as she passed the kitchen and entered the living room. She wasn't out on the deck either, so Melissa went upstairs and checked her bedroom. She was not overly concerned, but Brandi was always there when she and Karen got home, and usually had dinner in the works. And today they were going to the range for some shooting practice, and Brandi was always ready for that. Her bedroom was empty but the door to the bathroom was slightly ajar, and Brandi generally kept it wide open if she was not in there. Melissa stepped up to the door and knocked gently. "Brandi I'm home," she called. Of course with her enhanced senses Brandi should already know that. "Brandi?" Melissa called again when there was no reply. Finally she decided that Brandi must not be home and swung the door open wide. The sight before her caused her heart to freeze in her chest. Brandi was in the bathtub, completely submerged beneath the water, her eyes open and staring at the ceiling. Her skin had a pale, squalid look to it, and her chest was not moving. A thousand things flashed through Melissa's mind at once but what came out of her mouth was a heart rending scream of anguish, bellowing up from the depths of her soul. She felt as though a dark pit had opened beneath her and she was falling into eternal blackness. It seemed as though hours passed as she stood there, feeling that her world was coming to an end, though it was only seconds. In those seconds it was as though she could see her life stretching before her, empty and barren without Brandi in it. The moment was broken as Brandi literally exploded from the water, leaping from the tub, dripping wet, her eyes darting about to find what had frightened Melissa so she could kill it. All she saw was Melissa, standing there, eyes wide in horror. "Melissa?" "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Melissa screamed, finding her voice at last. "Do you have any idea what you just put me through?" "Melissa I'm sorry... I was..." Melissa slapped her, hard, across the face, and though it barely stung physically, to Brandi it was as though she had just had her heart ripped from her chest. Melissa slapped her a second time and tried for a third but Brandi caught her wrist and gently forced her hand down. Melissa began shaking, tears streaming down her face. "I...I'll go..." Brandi whispered, choking back her own tears. "Thank you for being my friend." Brandi slipped past the stunned Melissa and began looking about the room, trying to decide what to pack first. She wanted to fall down on her knees and beg Melissa to forgive her, but the anger and hurt she had seen and felt in her friend was too much. Brandi was certain she had destroyed the one chance she had to hold on to her humanity. "Don't you dare leave me Brandi," Melissa said softly from behind her, and as Brandi turned she saw Melissa rushing towards her, colliding with her and knocking her to the bed. Melissa grabbed Brandi's face in her hands and kissed her. She kept her lips tight against Brandi's, their tongues dancing, even as her hands moved to her blouse, ripping it open. She felt Brandi responding to her, helping her undress, and all the while her mind was shouting with joy. She knew now, beyond any doubt, that she loved this strange, wonderful girl and whatever time she had she wanted to spend it with Brandi! ***** Karen was feeling a bit nervous as she approached the office of her advisor, Dr. Richard Evans. She had turned in her thesis a week earlier and was surprised when he had asked her to stop by his office this soon. The quarter was not even half over and her thesis would not even be presented for review for several weeks. The process of turning it in to her advisor early was simply to allow him to review it and give her some preliminary advice on any revisions she should make. "Come in and have a seat, Karen," Dr. Evans told her as she entered the office. "I'm sure you're dying to know what's up." "I am a little curious," Karen admitted as she sat down. "Well let me put your mind ay ease by saying your thesis was masterful," Evans smiled. "What I want to talk to you about is your future. What do you want to do?" "I hope to work in international relations," Karen said, breathing a mental sigh of relief. "I've already had contact with several corporations." "What about the government?" Evans asked. "Have you put in a resume with the State Department?" "Yes I have," Karen said. "Working for the State Department is my dream really, but I'm certain I'll need some experience in the field before I have a chance at a job there." "I'd like to give your name to some people I know," Evans said. "I would also like to send them your thesis. The State Department is forming a new threat assessment group and they are looking for fresh, young minds. I can't really tell you a lot about it, as I don't have that many details. I do know this group will work closely with the Department of Defense and the intelligence community." "Dr. Evans, I don't know what to say," Karen said. "Thank you." "I can't promise you anything, Karen," Evans said. "All I can do is put a few words in the right ears. If they do take you, it will mean you'll have to go to Washington, probably before the quarter is over. That shouldn't be a problem as all your work is done. Your thesis still has to be reviewed by the board but I can assure you that is only a formality. As I said, I can't promise you anything, but you might want to start making arrangements; they'd be fools not to take you." "I will," Karen said, looking at her watch. "If they want me, I'll do the very best job I can." "I know you will, Karen, you have a bright future ahead of you," Evans said. "I have to get back to reviewing more papers so I won't keep you any longer." Karen left the office and walked to her car in a daze. She really knew nothing about what the job would entail, but she was already excited. Dr. Evans would not have even mentioned it if it was not something he felt was important and rewarding. The only bad part was telling her friends, Melissa and Brandi in particular. She knew they would take it hard; she and Melissa had been friends for six years, and though she had only known Brandi for a fraction of that time she loved her like a sister. It never ceased to amaze her that despite Brandi's awesome abilities, emotionally she was tremendously fragile. Brandi was a warrior capable of tremendous destruction packaged in the body of a young woman who could so easily be broken. The last thing Karen wanted to do was hurt her, and yet there was no way she could turn down an opportunity like this. "Well, there's no sense in getting them worked up yet," she muttered as she started her car. "I'll wait until I know something definite." ***** "Next time can we skip the whole fight part and just make up?" Brandi giggled as she and Melissa lay entwined in bed. "I love you Brandi, but don't you ever scare me like that again." Melissa said, her voice cracking. "I thought you were dead. I'm sorry I slapped you...I just lost it. It was like my whole world was coming to an end when I saw you there." "I'm so sorry Melissa." Brandi whispered, pulling Melissa's head onto her breast. "I...I didn't mean to. I would never hurt you...I love you too." "I know you do, silly blonde," Melissa smiled, and then her smile turned to a frown. She pushed herself up and smacked Brandi on the shoulder. "What the hell were you doing anyway?" Brandi rubbed her shoulder before answering. "I was seeing if I could regulate my body's oxygen consumption," Brandi explained. "Since I started taking those yoga classes like Renee suggested, I've really learned a lot. I've found that I can actually visualize the parts of my mind; it's like my brain is partitioned like a hard drive. Every aspect of who I am has its own part; my personality, my combat abilities...even my sensuality. When I meditate I can actually isolate and examine those areas and I'm learning that I can regulate all sorts of things, like my heart rate, my body temperature and my respiration. "I guess I went too far 'cause I slipped into something really close to Zen sleep. I knew what was happening around me but it was like through a fog. I heard you come in, and I heard you call my name and I was coming out of it slowly." "And then I screamed." "That woke me up fast," Brandi said, her voice pained with the memory. "It wasn't just the noise...I could feel you in that scream...oh God Melissa please forgive me for putting you through that!" "Hey, I do forgive you love," Melissa assured her. "Just promise me you won't try anything like that by yourself again." "I promise," Brandi said. "So how long were you underwater?" Melissa asked, settling back down to snuggle with Brandi. "A little over three hours," Brandi said. "I ought to slap you again," Melissa sighed. "So you were holding your breath the whole time?" Brandi nodded, "Those yoga classes have really opened up a lot of new possibilities to explore. The other day I lowered my respiration to one breath every ten minutes. So I figured if I could get into that state and take a really deep breath I should be able to hold my breath a long time." "That's very interesting love, but what good is it really? I mean if you are as helpless as you get in Zen sleep, what can it do for you?" "Well for one thing if I ever get buried alive it could be useful," Brandi offered. "I am pretty sure though with more practice I'll be able to control my bodily functions while still being able to move. I just need to learn to put one part of my mind into that state, while the other parts remain active." "Like you can when you lower your pain threshold?" "Exactly," Brandi said. She still had not told Melissa exactly how her pain management ability worked. "It's all a matter of training, not just my body but the nanocyborgs in me. I think they start out with some basic functions, but are capable of doing much more." "It is amazing, everyday you seem to grow," Melissa said, then started laughing. "I'll never forget the look on those guys' faces at Muscle Beach last weekend when you bench pressed two hundred pounds." "Imagine what they would have looked like if I'd really decided to show off," Brandi grinned. "In the lab I benched over six hundred, and I lifted nearly a thousand in the squat. As Brandon I could never come close to that, not even at my peak." "My girlfriend is Buffy the Vampire Slayer on steroids," Melissa giggled. "Actually none of that is superhuman," Brandi told her. "There are weight lifters that can lift that much. Of course they are all men and are huge, but my strength is not outside human capabilities." "Well it's still pretty cool," Melissa said. "I get that thing women are supposed to long for; a pair of strong arms to hold me, all wrapped up in a cute, sexy, cuddly girl package." "That's funny," Brandi said. "When I'm in your arms I don't feel strong, but I do feel safe. Right now, I feel protected by your strength." "You do tend to be a bit submissive when it comes to making love," Melissa said. "Probably you're supposed to be that way, but I think it's mostly because you're never more vulnerable than when you open yourself to someone else, and making love is the most open two people can get. I also think that maybe it's the one time you really feel comfortable as a girl." "Whatever," Brandi smiled, snuggling close to Melissa. "I just know I could stay here with you holding me forever." "That may be but we have to meet Karen at Gary's shop," Melissa reminded her. Brandi was out of the bed in a flash, pulling Melissa with her. "That's right, I forgot!" she exclaimed. "Oh sure, stay in bed with me forever she says," Melissa said in mock disgust as Brandi began hurriedly dressing. "But give her a chance to go blast some holes in paper targets and I am totally forgotten." Brandi grinned mischievously, "I'll make it up to you tonight. Wait 'till you see how hot I get after a session at the range." ***** Dear Mom, It's hard to believe over two months have passed since I made my escape. Living with the constant fear that they will find me is hard, but I have decided I have to get on with my life. I know it's going to happen one day, but I try not to let it worry me too much. I have some interesting news I'm sure you'll want to hear.... I'm in love! And what's even better ... she loves me too! I'm sure I don't have to tell you but yes, it is Melissa. I know there are all kinds of issues involved with this, not the least of which is the fact that I will likely live a long time and have to face watching her as the years take their toll, but I don't care about that. What can my life be like if I allow those concerns to deny me happiness? And I realize we have only known each other for a short time. I knew she was attracted to me from the start, but I wasn't sure if it was just a sexual thing or if she really had feelings for me. It all kind of exploded today, and I do mean exploded. I'll tell you about that later. It really is mind blowing to think that the eleven year old girl I saved from drowning fourteen years ago is now this beautiful young woman that I am madly in love with. Where would I be without her? Melissa has helped me so much in becoming more comfortable as a girl. Hell if it wasn't for her I'd be dressing, well, like a slut. I still dress sexy, I just can't help it, but she at least keeps me under control. And it's not just with fashion that she helps me. She corrects me when I start acting like a guy...I still have a tendency to come in and flop down on the couch with my legs splayed out and stuff like that. She has also helped me get my eating under control. I still take in calories like crazy, but she pointed out that since calories are just energy to me if I eat the right things regularly I don't have to pig out at meals. I think chocolate may have been created for Genomorphs. Of course I have to keep that away from Melissa...she has a definite chocolate addiction and she can gain weight. I can't wait until you can meet her. I still have a lot of doubts and fears, not the least of which is the big M word. I'm not as afraid of it as I used to be, though now I have a new worry. If I give in to my urges to have sex with a man, I know I'll feel horrible, like I am being unfaithful to Melissa. Oh well, one complication down and another pops up. It kind of brings up a bit of confusion too. I mean, what am I? Am I really a lesbian now, since I'm in love with another woman? When it comes to sex, inside I still see myself as male, so being in love with Melissa feels like the most natural thing in the world. In everything else though, I look, act and even think like a woman now. It's confusing, but I can see the wisdom in it. By setting the Genomorph program up so that it altered the subject to sexually accept both genders, the Forerunners left us free to decide for ourselves who we would love. In the end, that's all that really matters. Being open to sex with a man was necessary for the primary mission of the Genomorph; to infiltrate a male dominated society and get close to the men in power, but we can still choose who we will care about. I think if I were really to be truthful though, the thing about having sex with a man that frightens me the most...the thing about being female that frightens me the most...is the idea that I can bear children. That is something that nothing in my