Bend Me Shape Me The Ride Home
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Bend Me Shape Me, Part 4 free porn video
Bend Me, Shape Me, part 4
by Vonya Lee
"Hi, it's me again. I'm sorry I keep calling, I'd just really like to
talk with you I just want to explain why I did what I did. I was wrong
... wrong, wrong, wrong. I'm so sorry. I'm just so afraid I messed this
up. We were having so much fun, weren't we? Please don't let me fuck
this up. I overreacted, definitely. I can do better. Please call me? I
shouldn't have run off like I did. My emotions just got the better of
me. I just got so jealous when that bitch ... sorry, sorry. It's just
you do something to me and ... (beep).
That didn't sound too desperate did it? God what a loser I am. I've
always preached never leave anything incriminating or embarrassing on
tape. I just can't help it right now. I feel helpless. My emotions are
trouncing my better sense. I've placed one call a day for the past five
days. He hasn't returned a single one. Unfortunately, each one sounds
more desperate than the last.
I've been using a dildo to fuck myself to sleep and waking the same way.
I imagine it's him and not just some rigid piece of rubber. I imagine my
hand is his as I lick the cum from my fingers. I don't even touch myself
anymore, I cum just from being fucked. But I have to be fucked to cum.
Why does that make me feel proud?
I made such a mess of things down on the cape last weekend. I
overreacted. I just go so jealous seeing that queen kiss Daniel, I blew
up. I behaved like a brat, a spoiled brat. I saw them kiss and I
freaked. I don't know what came over me. I'm so ashamed. I had no right
to be jealous. He doesn't owe me a thing. Now if only I could get Daniel
to understand that I just panicked. So many feelings, so many emotions,
I ran away.
I'm 27 and I've never felt like this. I've been hurt once or twice but
this ... this is different. I feel like I'm falling, endlessly falling.
I crave him so bad. How did this happen? I need him so much. I feel
awful. I can't eat, can't sleep. I cry. I can't think of anything else
but him. I'm not sure what to do. God I'm a total wreck. Todd keeps
telling me to chill. I'm trying. I'm really trying, but it's not easy.
TV is no help. Last night I watch 'The Sopranos'. Perfect right? Mob
show, plenty of violence, just the thing to distract me. What do I see?
I see the episode with Tony's Russian mistress freaking out after
getting dumped. I can empathize with her now. First time I saw this
episode, and I was all for Tony cutting her loose. Tonight, Tony's the
pig and the poor girl deserves so much more. I feel her pain. Crazy
women are now making perfect sense to me.
What am I going to do?
The next few weeks are a bit of a blur. Todd stayed over most nights and
began introducing me to the gay club scene. I was really nervous that
first night out but on the second ...
The drink, the lights, the deep throbbing dance beats, and a healthy
dose of ecstacy, all coalesce with me on the dance floor. Spinning in my
own little world I realize I'm not really alone. I see this gorgeous,
shirtless, blonde dancing with me. Our eyes meet and hold. He takes the
signal and moves closer. Placing his hands on my hips, we synchronize
our sway. As he draws closer, my arms encircle his strong neck. I want
him. We draw together until our lips crash. I'm ravenous.
The kiss is savage. I need to feed. Our tongues dance, thrust, parry .
My hands run up and down his strong, sweaty back. I feel his rock hard
ass flexing under his leather shorts. Grabbing hold I pull him tight. We
fall into a slow and forceful grind. I'm not sure how much time passed
before we moved off the dance floor. We join Todd and some guy he's
making out with on a couch, and take up right where we left off on the
dance floor.
The bar closes and we head out into the night before splitting up. Todd
went with his guy and me with mine. Walking to his apartment I learned
his name for the first time, David something or other, I don't remember
and quite honestly I didn't care that night either. Once inside, the
small talk stops and we tear into each other like lonely convicts on a
conjugal visit. This was my first time ever leaving a bar with a man and
that didn't slip past my addled mind without notice. I felt so wickedly
deviant, so blazingly horny, I was out of my ever loving mind with
desire.
I had a panic moment when he put his hand down my pants. What if he's
disappointed? I never felt that way with girls, funny isn't it? Oh hell
I don't care! I want it! I can't get my hand down his tight shorts so I
reach for the top button and begin undoing the row. Now I can slid my
hand over his tight stomach and under the elastic underwear band. I'll
never forget how I felt at that precise moment. I sensed another line
was about to get crossed. And it did too. I guess in the back of my mind
I kind of held out some glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, I'm not
really gay, just maybe gay for Daniel. Can't think that now while I'm
feeling another man's deep bush running between my fingers. A man I went
out to find no less, not like the first time, when the man found me.
He's my size, maybe a little bigger, but not much! Oh! It feels so good
to touch cock.
We roll to a bedroom, kicking off clothing as we go. He pushes me down
onto a large bed and falls atop me. Kissing, he starts working a rubber
over my rock hard 5". Another funny thing is I would always think I was
6" and therefor the male average. Since I met Daniel I've accepted that
I'm really 5". I remember thinking 'I can't believe this guy's blowing
me!', but here he is blowing me. We twist into a 69 and I slide his
rubber cock into my mouth. Sucking on his cock feels so good, like
sucking on my feed bottle. He feels good, real good, not Daniel good,
but really good. His cock feels like a practice cock and that is what it
is. I want to make him scream, scream like I wish it were Daniel
screaming. And soon he is. He shoots a load into the rubber in about 15
minutes.
After a pause he continues to suck me and I start playing with his
butthole.
"Do you want to fuck me?"
"Yeah okay cool."
He rolls onto all fours and I take up position behind him. He passes me
a tube of KY and another line is about to get crossed. I'm lubeing up a
man's ass, a rock hard, sexy ass that is totally turning me on. I never
enjoyed this view before. God I'm so horny. I push slow, but with little
effort I begin to enter him. I'm fucking my first guy. I'm pushing into
another man's ass. We fuck until I blow. Soon we're back to sucking each
other again when he starts playing with my rosebud. He slides a lubed
finger inside me and starts finger fucking me. Feels so good so when he
asks, "Can I fuck you?" my answer is as immediate as it is sincere, "oh
yeahhh!". I had higher hopes I guess. He eventually cums and collapses.
He falls dead asleep in minutes. I lay there for about half an hour but
I'm actually feeling more guilty than sleepy. His first snort of a snore
was all I needed to hear. I was up and out in two or three minutes.
I'm only a couple of blocks from Back Bay Station, so that's cool, I'll
be home soon. I get a coffee and a low fat muffin from the Dunkin'
Donuts inside the station. I feel bad for the girl working the counter,
it's not even 6a.m. and she's already wearing a brown polyester smock,
poor thing. I tip her $2, hopefully that lessens the sting of having to
wear such an unflattering top. I grab a bench down on the platform and
eat my muffin It's very good, berry berry, some special muffin of the
month or something. Delicious. I wonder why I didn't get a couple donuts
like I normally would? I love their jelly's. 'No, too fattening' says an
inner voice never before heard.
Last nights decadence turns to this mornings regret. I feel like piss. I
drank too much, did too many drugs, probably had too much sex. Was it
worth it? Do you like yourself? Nasty barking in the back of my
throbbing skull. Thankfully I know those verbal slaps are just the
combination of the deep rooted vestiges of a Catholic upbringing and the
always inevitable post 'x' come down. I hear the questions but pay them
no mind. I just need to go home ...go home and shower, I need to shower.
I had fun, but still, I feel oddly unfulfilled, unsatisfied. Maybe he
just wasn't the right kind of guy ...
So began a three day orgy of sex, drugs, drink and dance. I went home
with a different guy from the clubs each night. I can't believe how easy
it is to hook up. I had guys all over me. Turning guys down is a strange
experience, but absolutely necessary. Todd schooled me constantly,
teaching me the ways of the gay sex world. I'd be lost without him. He
taught me how to encourage guys, discourage guys, how to flirt, all
sorts of cool things. Todd's my best girlfriend. I understand what that
means now. He's been with more than a hundred guys in his thirty years,
that just seems so crazy to me.
Todd is exposing me to so much crazy stuff. Saturday afternoon we went
downtown to Macy's. After lunch Todd dared me to go with him to a gay
porn theater. We sat in the back row, giggling like schoolgirls,
watching the action on and off the screen. Todd whispers "Watch this",
gets up and walks down the aisle taking a seat next to a mid forties,
probably Hispanic man. I see Todd slide his hand across onto the man's
crotch. I know exactly what he's doing, I just can't believe he is doing
it. He's jerking this guy off! I see the guy stiffen, hold and the go
limp. Todd immediately gets up and comes running back to me giggling.
"I can't believe you did that!"
He lifts his right hand, and to my astonishment, with a flourish peels
back a latex glove.
"See? No mess, no fuss." Holding it between thumb and forefinger, he
lets it drop to the ground.
"You are crazy, how did you know he'd let you..."
"Oh come on now, who's really from down on the farm, hmm? Why do you
think these guy are here? You think they're just big fans of bad porn?
No! He's here to jerk off, go a little Pee Wee Herman you might say. So
if a handsome guy, like me, helps him out, well he just had a lucky day.
See?"
"Si."
Pulling out more gloves, he hold a pair out to me and says, "Your turn."
I try valiantly to get out of doing it, but in the end I know I'm going
to do it. I am so scared. I'm terrified. I'm a 'personal space' kind of
person and I'm about to violate that in the biggest way I can think of.
Todd acts the spotter.
"That's the one. Perfect," he says motioning towards a youngish Asian
guy. "Go get him Tiger."
I gulp, take a glove and put it on my right hand, draw a deep breathe,
exhale and get up.
"You can do it!"
I slide down the row, the Asian turns towards me, his face brightens. I
sit down next to him. I glance at his crotch and see he's unzipped his
jeans. Gathering my nerve, I place my hand on his crotch. He remains
facing the screen but I can see a smile come across his face. He's kind
of geeky looking. No way would I talk to him in a club. He's wearing
white y-front undies. I suppress a giggle. I begin rubbing his crotch
and feel his hard on. He shifts about and his cock pokes through the y-
front. How silly is that? I do feel like I'm committing a mitzvah with
this guy. His hand reaches across and starts rubbing my crotch. I hadn't
figured on this, I don't know why, I just never figured on this. I think
'okay sure' but I really don't want this guy touching me. I remember I
still have the other glove. I pull it from my pocket and hand it to him.
He takes it immediately, no explanation necessary, thankfully. I unzip
as he pulls on the glove. This is so filthy and so hot! I've never
experienced anything half as crazy as a hetero. We start jerking each
other. He's obviously not ambidextrous, and never finds a steady rhythm.
Me on the other (right) hand crank like a clock and within three, maybe
four minutes, he's done. I pull away from his clumsy hand, zip up and
scurry back up the aisle, discarding my glove on the way.
I get back to my seat, turn towards a grinning Todd and give him the
deepest, longest kiss. We spend the next two or three minutes making
out. I'm so horny. I feel like I'm saying that all the time. We
separate, giggle some more, and decide to go home and take a nap before
going out later. God I've never felt such closeness with someone.
Monday morning, Todd left early and I'm taking care of some business.
Dealing with my regular customers isn't so regular anymore. I'm
different, they're different, we're all different now. I don't think any
of them suspect I'm gay. Well maybe a few of the more observant might
have suspicions. I know I'm acting different. My mannerisms have
changed. I try to keep on top but once or twice I let down. I think I
was noticed. Who knows, who cares. I just spent the past three days and
nights with five different guys, not including Todd. I can't help but
feel empty. Nobody left me wanting more. I kind of feel a little cheap
about it. I guess it was pretty cheap. I'm kind of obsessive compulsive
about things like email and my cellphone. I started clearing things out
of my phone when I came across a late night call to Daniel's number. I
guess I did a little drunk dialing. Not too good. I need something more
than anonymous club sex.
I didn't tell Todd, but I went to a leather bar the following Thursday.
I didn't really like it. I thought maybe if I found a stronger type.
Sorry but no, the scene is just not me. Moustaches and leather just
don't do it for me, too macho. The whole scene struck too much like a
'Tom of Finland' animation. I'm definitely not ready for that.
Friday night we took the train down to New York.. I was having a good
time but was starting to get some creeping doubts in the back of my
mind. What if I'm wrong and I'm not gay? What if I just had a very
strong, one time attraction to just a singular male? I certainly wasn't
going to voice these doubts to Todd. How can I say I'm not gay? I mean
really. We went to a little drag club in the village and just had the
best time. Todd, Mr. Social, got us invited to an after hours party.
The party was just outrageous. A loft space with a deck. Beautiful,
sophisticated New Yorkers, or at least they are now, most began life
somewhere else. Everyone is so hip, so cool. Haircuts and fashionista's
everywhere. These are the cool people. I don't mind saying I felt a
little bit intimidated. Thank god for drugs. I was tripping when we got
there. I had done some mushrooms with Todd and one of the girls.
Drunk and tripping I dialed the phone. Next thing I hear is 'Lobotomy!
...Lobotomy' by the Ramones, Daniel's ringtone. I panic when I hear the
same voice somewhere in the room as I hear on my cellphone saying,
"Hello?" and hang up. I start searching for Todd in a panic. I just
want to get out of here! When a hand takes hold of my left shoulder. I
turn around to see Daniel.
"Don't ever hang up on me again," he says quietly and still forcefully.
"I just assumed I must've dialed a wrong number. Lord knows you don't
answer my calls."
"I answered this one. Don't you ever dare hang up on me again. Do you
understand?"
"... yes."
He took my chin between his thumb and fore finger and turned me for a
kiss. My legs began to wobble, swear to god. We kissed and he forces my
tongue back with his. I'm simply melting, just like some old country and
western ballad. My hands grab hold of his rock hard ass cheeks and
surrender to desire and rub and massage my masters ass, his tongue ever
deeper down my throat.
Coming up for air I had to ask, "Why haven't you ever called me back?"
He just kind of shrugged.
"No tell me, please?"
Releasing a sigh he said "You live in Boston and I live in New York.
That's a problem."
"Not insurmountable by any means."
"Look around you. This is my scene. These are my people. I don't want
someone around that's going to flip out if I kiss someone. That's just
not acceptable. I'm not sure you understand the kind of creative,
artistic free thinking people in this community ...very expressive
people, free of conventionalities constraints ..."
"I understand, I do. I just lost control that one time. Never again,
please." interrupting.
"Be quiet." right before he pushes his tongue back into my mouth.
Next pause, I say "If I moved to New York. You wouldn't be obligated or
anything. I love New York. I'd move here on my own."
He just stared me straight in the eyes for a few seconds, really an
eternity. He then began feeling me up and down. I loved it, so strong
and forceful.
"I don't do 'boyfriends'. I do collaborators."
"I don't understand."
He shushed me with a finger to his lips. He took me by the hand and lead
me down a hallway. 'Where we going?" I asked.
"My bedroom. This is my loft. This ..." pausing to punch in a code,
opens the door, " ...is my bedroom."
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