Angelas NIghtmare Part 2
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Angela's Thoughts free porn video
Angela's Thoughts
by Janet Harris, August 2007
This was going to be "The thoughts of a brain-transplant donor" but then I
began to think of myself entirely as the recipient, so chose the shorter
title above. I mean, I only vaguely remember being Roger and it seems a
long time ago now. I can hardly believe that this new brain I have lived
55 years as Roger, since I look and feel in every way only 20 years old.
The only reminder of my strange past is being unable to remember any life
as a little girl.
I'll tell you a secret that I haven't told anyone before, in either life.
Roger used to fantasize about becoming female. He wasn't a transsexual,
being completely fulfilled as a male, or a transvestite (except for rare
early experiments) but he was very curious about the essence of
femininity. I think he was in the majority of males in this. They idolise
females so much that the desire to be close to them, indeed inside them,
can easily extend into a desire to actually become female.
For Roger, this fantasy had to be "pure", untainted by the problems of
physical transsexual conversion. Thus dreaming or magic (imaginary of
course) seemed the only sensible methods. He read avidly many stories of
these transformations and derived even better excitement from writing
them. He followed the development of brain-transplant surgery with
interest but at first dismissed it as a practical way to realise his
fantasy. It was only when it was suggested as a cure for his lung cancer
that he accepted its potential and welcomed the news of a female
recipient.
So, I feel 100% female now. I know this foreign brain (I have to keep
taking anti-rejection pills) is all made with Y-chromosomes, but it has
been steeped in oestrogens for over three months now and I'm sure I
haven't had a single male thought since the first week. I decided
immediately to always refer to Roger in the third person and to my
previous brain (destroyed by cancer) as "the old Angela". Several times
I've thought about taking a new female name but it would not only be
inconvenient for my career but I feel it would somehow be letting the old
Angela down. I'm immensely grateful to her and her family for this lovely
body I now possess.
Writing this is one of the few things which remind me of my past. Usually
I can just forget about it and get on with my life. I mean, I have to
think about it to feel the bra-straps on my shoulders and my sensitive
breasts filling the cups. I'm typing this sitting on my vagina, but I
don't remember Roger's penis feeling any different, though, when I think
of it, I can feel my tampon string because I'm starting my second period.
Roger's penis would be swelling at these thoughts and I suppose they're
exciting me a little and I just feel a bit warm down there.
I must stop just writing about myself. Roger left a loving wife, children
and grandchildren. It still hurts a lot to talk about them so I may tell
you more later, but no promises. The old Angela's parents and brother do
not wish to meet me and I respect that a lot. Legally, I'm an adult and
don't really need foster-parents but Gerard, who was an old friend of
Roger, and his wife Vanessa agreed to fill that role because I felt so
lost and alone at first. I asked them to treat me like a daughter and it's
really nice. Gerard won't let me call him Daddy but Vanessa is honoured to
be called Mum.
I got into college as soon as I could to study computer administration. I
had thought I would want a completely different career from Roger but
found that intellectual exercise was what I missed most in my
convalescence and old ideas kept going around in my head. I don't think
the advantage I have of 30 years computer experience is all that unfair!
At college I often have to pretend ignorance, but I must get genuine new
qualifications before I can get as creative as Roger was. At least I have
lots of time for badminton and tennis which I love, though Roger never
did.
Anyway, college is how I've met lots of people who don't know my past so
treat me as an ordinary young woman. I've had no trouble at all in being
attracted to (and enjoying being attractive to) men, nor in making friends
with other girls with no sexual interest. It's great to be young and
single again in some ways, though I remember Roger's marriage well and
look forward to attaining such security again one day. Having said that, I
have to admit sleeping with the same boy three times so far, though I
won't call him my boyfriend until he shows more commitment.
So I'd better tell you about my friends; women first, that's less
embarrassing. At my 20th birthday party Gerard introduced me to Judy, the
only other female recipient so far. Her donor was also female though, so
she was a bit wary of me at first. It was when we discovered that we'd
both kept our new bodies' names that we began to get close. She had been
really determined to resume her brain's old career after the operation.
Since there was only a 10 year age difference, she could easily have
gotten away with it, using disguise, but, like me, she discovered complete
emotional identity with her new body and changed her mind. She has got to
know her body's husband and family and settled with them. In some ways I
envy her that but I've seen her have a lot of grief through it so I'm glad
I'm just fostered and single.
I started with Judy because we have a special bond through our common
experience of the operation, but her body is 32 and her brain 43 so we
have little else in common. At college, however, I hang around in a group
which at present is five boys and four girls. My three girlfriends are all
younger than me, as are two of the boys. They are great for guidance on
fashion and things and I can get away with too-mature blunders because I'm
a little older than them. I've lied that I grew up on a farm and went to
an all-girl boarding school to explain my ignorance in courting the boys.
Jenny is my special friend. She had her hair bobbed after I did mine.
Chloe and Hannah are good fun too.
My (almost) boyfriend is Greg. I used to find his best friend James much
more attractive but I couldn't win him from Chloe and now I'm glad I
didn't. Greg is much more interesting to talk to and I really enjoy our
dates. Before him, I had a one-night-stand with John, who's no longer in
our group but we're still friends with no regrets. Jenny's boyfriend is
Martin while Bob, Joe and James are vying for Hannah, who's just revelling
in the competition. James got me into tennis while Jenny is my badminton
partner, usually against Hannah and Chloe. We've all got roller-blades and
go down town to Ivy Square on Saturdays, if it's sunny. I just love being
20 and a student.
Mum and Gerard (I wish he'd let me call him Dad) are really nice with me
and won't take any rent for my room so I do lots of chores for them. I
should be more lazy at my age but I still feel full of energy in contrast
to Roger. Mum has turned me into an accomplished cook already and I try to
get most of their meals ready for them. I've got a huge savings account
from Roger's estate, even after he ensured his wife and kids got most of
it, so I've been able to buy lots of nice clothes. I tell my friends that
my farming parents both died in a car crash but I hate lying all the time.
Of course I miss Roger's family and I'm always tempted to contact them but
I know the time may never be right for that. Judy feels the same about her
brain's family.
Now I've got to tell you about the sex. Roger was always told by women
that men only thought of one thing. Now I know that was the pot calling
the kettle black, at least speaking for myself and my girlfriends. I've
heard that the biggest sex organ in the body is the brain. Having had a
great big male one shoved into my petite female skull, I'm amazed how
completely female I seem to think and how coordinated it seems to be with
my other equipment. I thought I'd have problems moving my attention from
women to men but I found myself almost drooling over handsome men even on
my first day as a woman. I also love to see them notice me. I'm especially
proud of my legs and Mum teases me that I only choose sports that I can
wear mini-skirts for.
My first lover, John, was really good in bed. He took great care to build
me up slowly and that care in itself turned me on a lot. Of course I
wasn't physically a virgin but mentally it was all new to me. I knew
roughly what to expect, having masturbated, and was very pleasantly
surprised. However, we both felt a bit embarrassed afterwards and agreed
that we "might" meet again some day, knowing that friendship simply wasn't
there. It gave my confidence a huge boost, though.
Greg is also a great lover. The best bit is that we can talk to each other
about anything. If we start agreeing on something, we find ourselves
moving closer together and usually end up kissing. It is only really the
lack of opportunity that has limited our sex. He lives with his parents as
well. He doesn't have funds like I have to get his own place and I'm
reluctant to set up on my own. Also, he keeps teasing me that he has other
women in tow, though it's been easy for me to check through my girlfriends
and others that it simply isn't true. I think he's just a bit scared of
getting into a relationship and, frankly, so am I. We get on wonderfully
together, though.
Well, as you've maybe guessed, my shrink told me to write this. She got
quite cross when she discovered I'd written "A Different Convalescence" -
I should have known that she'd have lots of patients who read those
websites. Now she's come around to thinking that it's "therapeutic" for
me. If that means getting turned on, I have to say that Roger would have
been much more excited than I am. Sure, some things I've written have made
me blush, but I think I'd be better off writing a romantic novel for that
sort of therapy.
Mhairi
- 09.11.2021
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