Chapter 16
The Devil In The Details
Tim was unprepared for the profound sorrow that engulfed him. The short
journey from the 4th floor to the world outside was filled with
blackness. He struggled to maintain his composure, doing his best to
avoid raising alarms of concern from hospital staff.
On his way to the double sliding glass doors in the lobby, Tim was
struck by overwhelming panic with all the force of a major cardiac
infarction. His breath left him, driven from him with such force that
he felt he would fall to the floor and die in front of everyone. His
face became grey as the blood drained from his extremities in an attempt
to protect his vital organs in his state of shock.
He burst through the first bathroom door he could find, hoping to
recover on his own. His senses told him to avoid being seen for the
time being. He had no idea why however. As it turned out, the first
restroom he had chosen had been the ladies room. Nothing seemed out of
place, toilet stalls in a row, a stand of sinks, paper towel dispensers.
The conspicuous lack of urinals triggered no flags of concern. It
wasn't until a woman occupying one of the stalls coughed while Tim was
standing there, looking at his reflection in the mirror that the
connection of exactly where he was could establish itself.
He received only cursory looks from those who saw him exit the woman's
room and with a deeply embarrassed looked enter the men's. At some
point, many of them had made the same mistake and found only sympathy
for Tim if not a few chuckles at his expense. He locked himself in the
furthest stall, sat and prayed for the pain in his chest to pass.
But even here, in the men's room, a gender specific public facility he
had, in some capacity used a thousand times before as Tim, he was not
comfortable. He felt out of place and he understood instinctively that
he would have felt more comfortable back in the ladies room. He
realized he was experiencing the same panicked emotions he had felt when
he first realized he had been transformed in to his female counterpart
in some sort of freakish parallel universe, if there was even such a
thing. Now however, it was Kim's shoe on the other foot. He could hear
the part of him that was still Kimberly screaming in abject terror at
the idea of finding herself in a male body.
He intermittently ran, jogged then walked to rest when running became
too much. He tired easily. Had his body in this reality become ill
while he was off on sabbatical in Kimberly's life? Why had he gotten so
thin? He could answer none of these questions. After resting he would
began running again. At times he burst into tears, weeping angrily at
the sensations from his body, the loss of who he felt he still was, a
father he would never again see. Finally, gasping, out of breath with a
tear streaked face, he stopped to rest against a telephone pole.
He braced himself with one hand, bent over at the waist he dry heaved.
When the nausea had and the tears had run themselves dry, Tim eased
himself up to see just where he was. Home was still some two miles
away. He was worn out, yet he experienced no thirst. But there was too
much to think about right now for that to become a concern. For a
moment he stared into the empty interior of the mask thinking that
letting Ben take it off had been a mistake after all.
"You don't have to do this Kim..." Ben had offered.
A much larger portion of himself wished now that he hadn't. He would
not put the mask back on however. Not now, he couldn't. Not until he
talked to Ben. If he was wrong about coming back only Ben could fix it.
If Tim tried, he knew there would be no way to undo it.
Here, Ben's body was whole again. There was no Abner to murder the only
person in his life that had treated him with dignity and love. Tim
doubted that he would want to go back. This was the least that Kim
could for him for saving her life. Exchange her existence for Susan's.
Give Ben back body, intact. When he was ready, he stood up when
something caught is eye. A poster, stapled to the phone pole he leaned
on. The masthead read:
Have You Seen Me?
Below that, the image of himself, face plump, eyes nearly squinting with
one of his I just ate an entire quart of ice cream looks on his face.
It was an old school picture from last year.
Below that was the legend, Missing since April 22nd.
"Oh God," Tim breathed. "Four months." Tim's conscious thoughts
whirled wildly. What does that mean? I've been gone for four months,
gone since I put the mask on? Did I turn up and someone just forgot to
take this poster down? There were no clues in his thoughts like the
ones he had had after slipping into his Kim's body. There were no
Timmories to bridge the gap of experience. It felt almost as if when
Ben had put the mask on him that he had simply ceased to be. Had there
had been no dual life here as there had been with Kimberly's life with
Tim mindlessly waiting around for Kim to jump back into it?
That couldn't be right could it? There had been a complete life for Tim
to transition into in Kim's world, memories, likes, wants, needs ? a
history. If that didn't exist here now for Tim, what would he say to
his mother, to Bobby? Tim struggled to recall one thing from this world
since he'd been gone. Something to build one bridge to a thing that
happened in his life in the last four months. All he got was darkness.
Tim pushed off the phone pole unable to rip his eyes away from the image
of the smiling plump face depicted in black and white. The flyer itself
was dirty and somewhat faded. It's been here a while, Tim noted with a
measure of fear, weeks, maybe longer. It was puckered in places,
evidence that it had suffered at least one rain storm. If it hadn't
have been stapled to the pole at all four corners, it probably wouldn't
still be here.
The only possible explanation was when he had become Kimberly, he had
vanished here. He had not slipped from one parallel existence to
another. He had to get home. He had to try to explain his absence
somehow, to let his family know he was alive and well.
Tim dashed out against the light onto the busy main thoroughfare through
Baker, known to locals as "the four lane". He narrowly missed getting
hit twice. Angry drivers blared their horns but Tim paid little
attention to them. No one stopped. No one recognized him, even with
posters of his face up on electrical poles here and there. Of course
not, his mind rebuked, how many people actually look at those things, he
wondered? Tim doubted even if he'd ever run across a missing child in
his life that he'd recognize them from the posters. He couldn't
remember a time when he'd ever had been able to recall the faces printed
on them.
He didn't want to get stopped by a stranger anyway. There was going to
be enough negative fallout from this as it was. Not being able to tell
the truth about where he'd been all this time was only going to make
matters worse. It would be better to be in the protective hands of his
family for as long as possible before the authorities became involved.
Tim ran where possible down the sidewalk passing small familiar
businesses. Ahead, just past a small convenience store was a vacant
lot, beyond that lot through the woods at the back was his neighborhood.
Tim set his next resting point at the far corner of the convenience
store. The sun had risen fairly high in the early afternoon sky when
Tim passed before the large plate windows of the Lil' Champ store. When
he did, he saw the ghost of a translucent reflection in the convenience
store window.
The image in the window startled him. It looked nothing like the boy he
remembered from just a few months back. Worse still was the fact that
he looked remarkably different than he had only hours ago in the rest
facilities of the hospital. The weak reflection looked more like the
abused child Ben had been in Kim's dimension, dirty, thin, scratched and
scarred. He sported a huge, almost gangrenous, weeping black eye. The
very image of it made Tim gasp in alarm. How could he have not noticed
that before?
Simple, Kimberly answered in a voice he more closely associated as his
own voice, It wasn't there before.
He was tempted to get closer to that reflection, to examine it, to
reconcile the changes his eyes registered. But something told him not
to ask too many questions... press on, find out if Ben was Okay. Don't
linger too long. Remember there are much worse things to lose than
weight. Tim took the advice and quickly moved beyond eyesight of the
plate glass storefront.
As he moved away however, he could not help but search is mind
desperately for anything from Tim's past he had not been part of. He
wanted something that would give him a clue about what had happened
since Ben had put the mask on him. There was nothing. It was black.
His last memory here had been in his room as the mask struck his face as
it had leapt from Ben's hands.
With mounting fear that something here had gone horribly wrong, Tim ran
as fast as he could. As he ran he noticed something else peculiar. His
body didn't respond easily or accurately to his commands. He felt
uncoordinated in his step. While, he had been no where near the athlete
Kimberly was, his legs had never felt as lethargic as they did now.
When not planted on they ground, his feet wobbled crazily, his arms
wobbled about at his sides. He had to focus to keep them under control.
Fear of what it meant kept him from dwelling on it too long. Perhaps he
was sick. Maybe returning to Tim's life had offered him an opportunity
to undo whatever had caused him to go missing in the first place. There
would be an explanation of his condition eventually. He couldn't force
the answer. He didn't really want to. Don't think about it... You
can't change it right now anyway. Just find Ben. He plunged head long
into the woods behind the convenience store. The short cut would get
him home faster, but it would mean cutting through several yards and
over many fences.
Jesus, where have I been to have gotten so beaten up? Tim thought. If
he had simply vanished as he had first believed, if he didn't exist
here, like some crazy alternate universe version of It's a Wonderful
Life, then why were there such intense changes in his body?
He knew this would not only be his question, but the question of
everyone else that was looking for him. How would he explain THAT?
Maybe Ben will remember something... But if he, Tim, couldn't remember
anything of the last four months here, how could Ben be expected to?
Deep down inside Tim was his suspicion he had held as Kimberly that Ben,
the physical Ben from this existence had not really transitioned
completely to Kimberly's world. Rather, only a consciousness had
followed him into Kim's life, supplanting itself into the Ben from Kim's
existence.
In that case, would that Ben have come back with her to Tim's life?
Suddenly, Tim no longer held any great hope of that. If not, how would
he be able to explain where he'd been all this time? If he couldn't,
what then? They'll lock you up for years trying to "cure you", he
thought to himself. Somehow, it didn't matter. If Abs was back in
jail, if Ben and Bobby were not crippled, if Ben's mother was no longer
dead; everything would right itself. Everyone would be back where they
belonged.
At the edge of their neighborhood, Tim stopped as he emerged from the
woods. There were the two houses, just as they had existed in both
worlds. His appeared to be completely deserted. A realtor's sign
pierced the front yard, a large red SOLD placard mounted above it.
"Sold?" Tim asked quizzically. Any remaining strength his legs held
ebbed out of them like syrup from a bottle on a cold day. I must have
been found; they wouldn't have sold the house and moved without knowing
where I was...
A flash of circumspect reality wedged its way into the center of Tim's
logic. Yeah, but what condition were you in when they found you? Tim
growled at the renegade thought, shoving it as far away from the present
as he could, jerking physically with the effort of it. Then Tim turned
his eyes to Ben's home and that reality began to force its way back in,
in spite of Tim's efforts to keep it away.
Susan's Saturn sat in the driveway of the house Tim remembered from his
childhood as Ben's home. It was stained with the yellow and white crust
of drying egg. Toilet paper hung from the trees like white Spanish
moss. Someone had dug the yard up with a pair of mud tires attached to
a fairly powerful transmission, judging from the depth of the furrows in
the yard. A window downstairs was broken. Tim knew this to be Ben's
bedroom window.
Most alarming was the yellow tape that surrounded the entire yard. It
drifted lazily in the late summer breeze, dancing on its soft currents,
signaling to the passers by, CRIME SCENE ? DO NOT CROSS, in large black
letters. Someone had hung a black mourning wreath on the front door,
but it seemed old and tattered. It hung askew, almost loosely on the
door. It had not been tended to for quite some time.
Tim's breath locked inside his chest. His heart beat shortened becoming
irregular. The feet at the end of his legs had seemingly grown roots.
There was no way he could get any closer to that house. It was a ghost
house. It almost seemed to sag in the middle from sorrow, as if the
structure itself was weeping for some great lost part of itself, if such
a thing is possible. The condition of it spoke of nothing good inside
or out. The two yards were silent. Nothing moved within sight of
either home.
Swallowing hard, Tim forced his right foot off the ground and forward.
It felt as heavy as lead. The tears were backing up behind him, hot and
full of fear. He was shaking his head at the inevitability of what that
yellow tape meant. If he didn't acknowledge it was really there, he
would not go insane. There would be no problem. All of this would end
logically. But his heart could not deny what the tape had been put
there to protect. His brain spoke out of turn again, this time with
only one word;
Evidence!
Tim turned away from the Ackerman home. If he continued to look at it
his head would begin trying to deduce a reason again. Moving once more,
Tim launched himself toward his family home, giving Ben's house a wide,
cautious berth. He swung onto the long stone walkway, the same one on
which he had felt Kirk's hungry eyes gobbling up the sight of his ass in
Kimberly's cheerleader uniform. One strained moment passed when Tim
glanced over his shoulder approximately at the point where he had as
Kim. He fully expected to see Kirk there in his football hero's muscle
car, window down, drooling as Tim walked to the house.
The feeling's and signals he was getting from his senses made him feel
gravely uneasy. The entire tone of the place had changed at some basic
level. Even the bright and happily shining sun casting its rays down so
warmly, as it had as long as he could remember in either life, seemed
full of foreboding malevolence.
The entire neighborhood felt haunted.
Tim mounted the stairs to the porch. The creaking of the old boards was
the only sound. Even the birds, if there were any, weren't singing.
The image of Kirk, sprawled out on it where he had fallen in his first
confrontation with Bobby flashed in his mind, his jacket sleeve torn by
a loose nail. There, as in Kim's world, was the loose nail, exactly as
it had existed, right down to the dogleg to the left. Tim ripped his
eyes from the spot and turned instead to the door. Tim flexed his
fingers, preparing to open the door when he stopped, If I open that door
and Kimberly is in there, I'll never be able to stop screaming.
Before reaching for the door, Tim looked again down into the curved
interior of the mask. Through the eyes, he could see the boards of the
oak porch, painted green. It made it look like the mask had green eyes
in reverse. I have blue eyes though... he thought, still thinking of
himself in the context of Kimberly.
Tim put his hand on the large brass handle, depressed the lever and
pushed the door open.
It swung inward without a sound, and what rushed out almost knocked him
to his knees, not so much with intensity as with what the odors meant.
It was the smell of ammonia, cleansers and fresh paint. Inside the
house was a dark and silent as an old stone tomb. Worse for him was the
fact that the house was completely empty.
All the furnishings were gone. They've moved, He thought to himself.
What part of SOLD didn't you understand Timmy? The sweet and lightly
southern accented voice of Kimberly asked in his head.
The place was immaculately empty in fact. There was neither a cobweb
nor speck of dust anywhere. He could still smell fresh latex paint on
the air, but its aroma was faint enough for Tim to tell that his had
been painted weeks ago. They've been gone for a while now.
Unable to reconcile what his eyes told him to be the truth, Tim explored
the old antebellum home, all five bedrooms, the study that had been left
just the way his father had kept it of for all those years after he
died, the back yard. Even the pool had been emptied and resurfaced.
Where had they gone? Had they moved from Baker or just down the road?
Why would they have left knowing he was missing and possible alive out
there some where?
The idea of abandonment began to settle into his system, pounding fear
and profound sadness deep into his soul. He was alone. They had left
to carry on someplace and he had no idea where to begin to look for
them.
Go to the police Tim... They're looking for you anyway, they'll know
where your family is.
It seemed like the logical answer. But the question of where he'd been
all this time remained. How was he going to explain that beyond being
over simplistic? Being folded into Kimberly's life had been almost easy
compared to this. The life there had been ready made. All she had had
to do was remember what had come before. It was a little like having an
on-line owner's manual to her own life in her head. There was no
record, no accounting for Tim of the time that had passed since going
there. He could remember nothing. It was like peering into a black box
where light could not infiltrate or escape. It reminded him of The
Nothing from the book, The Never Ending Story by Michael Ende.
"Why can't I remember?" Tim muttered pathetically. Tim noticed that
even his emotions seemed dulled, diluted somewhat. He should have been
hysterical at this event. His family was gone, he'd been missing for
months and yet, he only felt afraid. His body felt frail his legs and
arms weak but he felt no hunger, no thirst. This realization scared him
the most. They were clues to a larger picture he could not seem to
piece together. Yet, in the back of his mind, he felt if he dared to
look hard enough at the pieces as they lay there, he just might be able
to catch a glimpse of what that picture was supposed to be.
He turned his mind's eye away from that image, unwilling to be
distracted by it. He told himself that he needed to think straight but
that was only an excuse. He didn't want to see the monster laying in
wait there for him. It would consume his mind. If he did and then he'd
be lost forever.
Once, Tim was startled by the image of a boy that flashed in the corner
of his mind as he explored his mother's room. It wasn't until he saw
that it was his own reflection on a floor length mirror mounted on the
open door of his mother's closet that his heart began to calm. Checking
that reflection however sent sharp shards of terror into is brain, like
broken glass tearing at the tissue of his poor mind.
Now he could see exactly what had appeared to be so off kilter with his
reflection at the convenience store. There stood a boy Tim did not
recognize at all. The image was terribly thin, bluish tint in pallor,
eyes sunken into skeletal orbits. He stood there looking at a living
corpse. Three of his teeth were missing and he had scrapes and cuts
that were old and unhealed on his arms, legs and face. Some of his hair
was missing and his clothes hung off of him like a circus tent hung on a
broomstick. The eye that had so startled him was not just infected. If
it had been that might have been a relief. It was deflated, withered
and discolored. A large bruise, maybe three inches wide lay across it in
a rectangular pattern. To Tim, it had the familiar shape of the end of
a brick.
Tim covered the damaged eye with one hand and realized there was no
change in his vision. He had not been using that eye at all. It was
dead.
In fact, if he had not been standing there looking at this horrid image,
he would not have believed the boy in the reflection was alive. Yet, he
had not looked nearly this bad in the reflection of the window of the
Lil' Champ.
The image was enough to drive him from the house. Tim exited the front
door like a cannon ball from the mouth of a cannon. In his hand he
still carried the mask from the Wizards shop. Now, as he ran, he could
see flashes of his hands as they pumped to carry him away from that
wretched mirror behind him. Now acutely aware of his physical
appearance, he watched them in horror as they seemed to change before
him. The color turned from a grayish blue to a deadpan flat grey. I'm
dying... he thought to himself. I'm decaying as I'm standing here... OH
GOD! In a little while, Tim could imagine that his limbs would simply
begin to fall off from the impact of running.
Tim practically dove into the woods he had used as a short cut after
reading the handbill about his disappearance. He wandered about,
pacing, worrying about what to do next, where to go. His fingers almost
subconsciously exploring the dead and dried out right eye. There was no
feeling to it. In fact, there was little feeling to the tips of his
fingers as well. Panic fired in his heart. What was he going to do?
He didn't have hours to find out what was going on here. He barely had
minutes. Having answers didn't solve anything either. People in his
condition simply didn't survive.
In his hand was the mask. Eyeing it, he spat hate from his heart at the
cursed thing. He turned to heave it deep into the woods but could not
muster the bravery to do it. Tim didn't even know if it could be used
again, or if it could, what condition Kim's world would be in. Ben had
been right about this one thing, you can't just screw around with the
lives of everyone on the planet. This mask wasn't just about Ben and
himself. It was changing the fates of everyone!
Was fate again conspiring to trap him? Tim no longer believed that
there was a consciousness or anything like it that could be called
"fate". There was just rotten luck, selfishness and bad timing. The
only thing he truly believed was the mask had done all this to them.
Still, he couldn't quite bring himself to throw the damn thing away.
Several convenient excuses continued to pop into his head, all of them
narrated by the voice of Kimberly Glass, What would happen if someone
else found that mask? What if it breaks and all that magic comes
spilling out of it? What if you're really supposed to be ME?
Crying now, afraid, Tim slammed his hands over his hears and cried, "Get
out of my head!"
I can't, was the answer that came back in Kim's sweet voice, It's kinda
my head too. Fraid you're stuck with me now.
That was the crux of it wasn't it? It was the memory, or rather the
Kimmory of all the things he'd learned about that other life. They were
still with him, as vivid as ever. He had the baggage of two separate
and distinct lives in his head. Granted there was a significant piece
of this life now missing, four months worth of it. Other than that, he
was two people here. He could feel them fighting inside of him, each
one vying for control, trying to split from the host, each one so
different, both of them the same person.
Go see him Tim...
"NO!" Tim knew right away who his other side was speaking of, "That old
fucker started this whole mess."
I don't think so Tim.
"SHUT UP!"
Think about it Tim. Think about the extremes you're seeing, the
thoughts you had back there before you went in the house.
You still have his mask, he's there. They were the last words he would
ever hear from Kimberly glass. She retreated deep within him, content
to watch the show from the sidelines. Tim knew she was right. It
wasn't over, not by a long shot. He'd come back to set things right.
Now that seemed impossible, but he had to find out for sure before he
did something else stupid.
His mind flashed now with a memory not from this life but one from
Kim's. The strongest Kimmery he'd had yet. It was the image of that
shoe stepping past the limits of that open door of Bobby's room at the
hospital. She had known whose leg it was attached to in an instant.
She had not needed to see his face. If she had been blind, she would
have known by the way the air had changed when he entered. He
remembered the sudden release of all that compassion and love at seeing
his face after so long. He could still feel how the vulnerability of
the day had fallen away when he had opened his arms as she had leapt up
into them.
Tim fell to the damp forest soil, the knees of his jeans soaking up the
musty moistness from beneath the dead leaves. He hit his hands, hanging
his head, unable to breathe, unable to think. A long, mournful groan
oozed out of him as the pain in his heart grew exponentially as each
Kimmory and Timmory of his father assailed him like angry phantoms.
"Please..." he wept, "Please help me."
"Then you have to get up son!" said someone standing very close by.
Tim tried to look up but his head weighed about a million pounds it
seemed. He was helpless against its weight. "Here, I'll help you,"
said the voice so kindly that Tim wanted nothing more but to get lost in
it and stay there forever. "Come Tim... give me your hand."
An old man in faded old Chino workpants and scared and scuffed old
loafers stepped up where Tim could see only the feet. At least, this is
what the world at large would have witnessed had they seen him. Just
another old man in old man's clothes doing old man things. But what
Tim's eyes beheld was very different from what anyone else lucky enough
not to be associated with him would see.
What he saw was the hem of a deep blue satin robe with sparking white
fur trim along the hem and up the middle. It flowed out hiding the feet
beneath. The lower limit of the robe floated magically just above the
ground. The white fir gathered no dirt, it touched no rock or rise in
the soil. In stead, the hem danced just above the ground with a life of
its own, avoiding the soil and debris of the wooded forest floor.
On the robe, within the limits of his sight, Tim could see galaxies and
comets orbiting in three dimensions on its blue field. Only the robe
didn't look like it was made of fabric. It seemed to Tim that this was
a door way to so many worlds, so many galaxies that all he would have to
do is reach out and pluck it from its place there. He fancied for a
moment that he could grab one and simply put it in his pocket. He
wanted so badly to see if it could be done that he began to reach up as
if to do just that.
There was a tremendous cold emanating from the robe. It was bone
chilling. Tim had heard the phrase used in the past, but now he felt he
understood what it really meant. The dimensions of the robe's field
seemed boundless. That if he got too close he would simply tumble off
into the depths of space itself. The voice called out to him again, "I
wouldn't advise it Tim. You're in enough trouble as it is." At that
warning, Tim's hand simply continued up toward where Maurice held out
his old, craggy but warm and gentle hand. When their fingers met they
were no longer in the woods across from the deserted glass home.
-*-
There was a flash of bright light and an enormous crack of what sounded
like thunder.
Tim found himself on the floor of the Spells-R-Us Boutique. He was
alone, still on his hands and knees. "Oh my GOD!" cried a sweet but
obviously disturbed voice. "Look at him. He looks awful."
"Well, you would too if you were dead."
Tim squeezed his eyes shut against the words and cried weakly, "I'm not
dead."
"Well, as far as anyone knows, not yet. It's the only reason you're
here at all Tim, because no one knows yet. But they will. Now that
you've brought your body back I'm afraid that, as they say, is merely a
formality."
"Nice Maurice. Very tactful," Darla scolded obviously annoyed, "Why not
just say, Ah, just in time for the funeral."
"I don't really have to do that now," Maurice said with a certain amount
of glee.
"Oh?" Darla seemed to ask. "Why's that?"
"You just did."
From somewhere above him Tim heard Darla growl in frustration, "Here,"
she said and suddenly there were hands on him, helping him stand. "Get
up. There you go." She turned him to face her, "Let me see. Oh my."
The grave tone in Darla's voice was clear. She brushed his hair out of
his eyes and he looked at her. "He's failing fast."
"Not before we conclude our business," Maurice said, "Tim, my mask if
you please." The old man held out his hand and waited for Tim to hand
over his property.
"What happens if I go back?" Tim asked.
"Impossible, our deal is done. It's time to face your future here now
that you're back."
"Future? You just said I was dead," Tim said unbelievingly. "What kind
of future is that?"
"It's your future Tim," the Wizard said sternly.
"Is this because the mask got stuck on me?"
"No Tim. Fate simply used that moment to let what was going to happen
anyway happen."
"Don't give me that crap about fate!" Tim tried to yell but his energy
seemed to be draining out of him faster than he could understand.
The Wizard's robes turned dark, black and gray storm clouds formed,
blocking the view of the heavens and striking a terrible image with
lightening and claps of tremendous thunder, "DON'T YOU RAISE YOUR VOICE
AT ME BOY!" he bellowed in a voice as large as that of God himself. It
echoed from places where there was no space to echo from. Tim cowered
away from him and trembled in fear.
"You're scaring him!" Darla cried and took a swipe at the old man with
an open hand. "Stop it."
"DARLA," he tried to bellow once more but Darla was having none of it.
"You be quiet, right now," the apprentice insisted and in the blink of
an eye, the Wizard's robe returned to its Astral configuration.
"Okay, but I want my mask back," he said sounding a lot like a chastised
ten year old.
Darla reached down and grasped the mask. Tim clung to it for a moment,
refusing to let it go. "I'm sorry Tim, it is his." She had such a
pained look on her face that for a moment he thought she too might start
crying. He looked down at his only life line, not just to his father
and his best friend, but to life itself. Looking back up he sadly let
it go.
"I'm truly sorry Tim," Darla said apologetically.
Tim followed it with his one good eye, carefully watching what the
Wizard did with it. The old man set the plastic mask down on the corner
of the counter. It wobbled there for a moment and fell still. He knew
his chance was gone. He still needed to find Ben to put the mask back
on. Now that the mask was back in the Wizard's shop, there was little
chance of getting it back.
Tim hung his head wishing he had listened to that voice inside his head.
He could have put the mask on himself. The cost would have been that
under no conditions could he have changed the outcome of that act. He
would have become Kimberly for the remainder of his life. But, he
reasoned now. Isn't that really better than what they were proposing as
a future?
"Sir?" Tim asked.
"Yes Tim," The Wizard replied.
Teary eyed, Tim lifted his head, "What happens now?" The degree of
Tim's denial amazed even the Wizard. He seemed to understand that Tim
was still trying to negotiate the situation. Perhaps the fact of being
alive and dead at the same time could be deceptive to the subject?
"Have you seen your self Tim? Do you know what you look like?" Tim
clinched his fist and laid his forehead on it in frustration. He did
not respond to the Wizard's question however. All that was left was for
the Wizard to be brutally honest with the sad young man.
"Now it's time for you to go." There was a profound regret in the old
man's eyes and Tim began to understand there was no way out of this for
him.
"But I'm NOT dead!" Tim shouted. He was beginning to become more angry
than frightened as his flight or fight instincts began to wrestle with
each other. "You're talking about this like it's already happened. But
I'm still here! If this is you're idea of some kind'a sick joke to
teach me a lesson... Don't bother. I've had more lessons in the last
four months than you or... or... God or anyone could teach me in 100
life times." Tim ranted as he paced about.
"It's not a joke Tim," Cautioned the old man.
Panic began to dawn in Tim's eye. Even with the suspensions, the wild
theories he had never really believed any of it. "But I just missing.
HELL, I'm not even missing. I'm right here! I'm standing right here.
All you have to do is put me back into my life here. Just give me some
way to explain this to my mom..."
"I can't do that," insisted the old man.
"What do you mean you can't do that? You changed me into a girl didn't
you? Well use your magic or something. Give me a fucking cosmic kiss
for my supernatural booboo to make it all better."
"I didn't change you into anything Tim. The mask changed you into who
you would have been if the circumstances of your birth had been
different. That's all. A lot of space and time had to be manipulated in
order to do that and it screwed up a lot of lives in the process. I
can't change anything that's been put in place to compensate for that
disturbance. Our arrangement was for 24 hours, not four months. If you
and Ben had stuck to that deal, then none of this might have happened.
As it is however?"
"That was not our FAULT!" Tim cried.
"Why did you come back Tim?" the Wizard asked folding his arms across is
chest.
"Because of Ben... His mother was murdered."
The Wizard eyed him smugly, "And here, you're the murder victim. Funny
how life compensates for the vacuums we create as we live our lives. In
this world your father is dead as a result of a plane crash, in Kim's,
its Ben's father and yours is still alive. Balance Timothy. Even those
things we can't possibly begin to understand accomplish some sort of
balance somewhere.
Tim tried to piece the logic together, but there seemed to be no logic
at all for him to grasp on to. "My mom, what about my mom and my
brother?"
"You've been missing since Ben put the mask on you. They spent every
penny they had trying to get you back, posters, fliers, T.V. ads.
You're mother quit her job to look for you. She was devastated Tim.
They sold the house to raise more money, to raise hope."
Tim's heart was broken under the crushing weight of this news. "Where
are they now? They wouldn't just leave without me."
"They're still looking Tim. And tomorrow morning they'll have an
answer, one way or the other, when police find your body," the old man
said regretfully.
Tim began to pace franticly around the store. "This is CRAZY!" Tim
cried wildly. "I didn't want to do this in the first place. Now you're
telling me my life is over, because I got stuck in that thing?"
The old man came out from around the counter. He seemed to pass through
some barrier but managed it easily. When he appeared on the other side
of what looked to be no more than distortion in the room, he was again
wearing the Chino's, Chambray work shirt and scuffed loafers. Only this
time Tim could see them. He draped his arm around Tim's shoulder trying
to console the walking corpse that called itself Tim. "You weren't
listening. I said Fate took that point in time to do something that had
to have some resolution in reality. When you became locked in it Tim,
the odds of being able to come back here, of even wanting to come back
were so remote... the world simply moved on."
Now shaken deeply, Tim cried, "Without me?" The old man nodded sadly.
"Tim, you're acting as if you're the first person something like this
has ever happened to. Remember Jimmy Hoffa?"
Tim was beet red, flush with anger now. "I don't give a rat's ass about
Jimmy Hoffa. I wasn't even born when... whatever happened to him
happened to him. I don't want to be dead."
"No one does Tim. That's kind of the irony in death. No one wants to
live forever either. What do you think about that?"
"Not too much." Tim spat. "What happened to me?"
"Does that really matter?" Maurice said trying to move the business of
the day along. He seemed in a hurry and this only served to annoy Tim
further.
"I think it's fairly significant, yeah!" Tim concurred excitedly.
The old man went on to tell Tim briefly of how Tim had vanished after
Ben put the mask on him. The Wizard then went on to confirm something
that Kim had already suspected, Tim had been the only one sucked
completely through the rabbit-hole. Only a portion of Ben's
consciousness had been pulled through with him. The remainder, the
physical Ben of this reality had been left here. Since he was entwined
in this, part of Ben had to follow so that the mask could be removed.
The part of Ben left here had an entirely different experience however.
"As it was, all the Ben of this dimension knew was that he had no
explanation as to why you might have disappeared. In fact, he
remembered was going to the bathroom and when he returned, you were
gone." The Wizard let this sink in for a moment. "The only clue they
had was an open door to the upstairs fire escape well at the back of the
house. No one actually found the door standing open for almost thirty
minutes, an eternity in an abduction case."
"What are you talking about, abducted?" Tim asked not really sure he
wanted to know.
"When something interfered with your return, this thing I'm calling
'Fate' compensated for your disappearance. That power needed to shift
things around to maintain the equilibrium of life, the continuum, the
constant of cotton candy... call it whatever you want, it doesn't really
matter. That flow had to be maintained. All magic does in manipulate
that flow a little. So, when you vanished, there had to be a real life
rationale for it. That force put a rather nasty burgeoning child
molester in your path in this reality while you were off being Kimberly.
That's why you don't remember anything else of this world. He killed
you in fairly short order."
"Oh God..." Tim said feeling sick to his stomach. Tim turned back to
the Wizard pleadingly, "Please, you can change this... You have some
spell or something that can let me go back and..."
"Sorry Tim, no refunds. Once something's been changed, once it's in the
past, it's permanent."
"That doesn't make any sense to me. I never drowned, but I can remember
breathing in the saltwater when I got dragged off the boat that time
when I was a little girl. When I think about it, I can remember how
much pain I was in. I can even remember the taste of the saltwater in
my mouth." That never happened.
"Yes it did Tim. But because it happened in a life you weren't there to
enjoy, all you could have from it is the memory of it. But Fate
constructed those events based on other events of your 'altered'
existence. It's sort of like watching a film in ultra fast forward.
You did live it, it just happened so fast, it took time for the memories
to plant themselves. That's why it took you so long to recall them all.
But I think the thing you need to remember is that in that world, as
Kimberly, nothing on Earth or in Heaven can change the way they happened
now. They're permanent. They are part of Kim's finger print.
Tim's shoulders slouched forward. He was the very picture of a beaten
human being. His spirit was broken, his hope had been stolen and his
life was, very literally, over. He wished desperately he'd listened to
Ben when he had offered at the last second, 'you don't have to do this.'
He had no idea that things could have been worse in the reality he had
originally come from. Now, everything that had happened to him as Kim
seemed like Christmas morning compared to what was transpiring now.
Soon, everything would be blackness.
"It's time to go Tim," The Wizard said. There was a flat, detached tone
in his voice.
"Please... Don't do this to me."
'Maurice," Darla begged, "he's scared."
"I understand that Darla, but this is out of my hands." Turning to Tim,
the old man said once more, "Come along Tim."
Tim's face balled pathetically in a mixture of fear and panic,
"Please... I'm just a kid."
"Tim..."
"I want to see Ben. I want to talk to him." The old man glanced at
Darla who could only look away. "What?" The two said nothing. "What is
it? What was going on at his house? You know I saw that, tell me."
"Tim, I'm afraid there's no way you can talk to Ben. If you left the
protection of this store yourself, without the mask to protect you,
you'd sorta just, fade out. Even the force of that magic wouldn't
protect you long, as you can see from your deteriorating condition."
"Then bring him here," Tim insisted. But his request was met with stony
silence. "What's happened?"
"What you saw at Ben's house Tim was part of an investigation that
started yesterday morning. Ben's mother took her own life three days
ago. The police found her body in the house yesterday afternoon." To
Tim, Maurice sounded as officious as a State Police Officer delivering
the news of a highway accident. I'm sorry to have to inform you Mrs.
Doe, you're daughter Jane was in an accident...
Tim was shaking his head. Even with the sight of that yellow plastic
tape everywhere, he had not allowed himself to think the worst. Even
now, he was not letting himself consider the obvious possibilities.
"That can't be. Mrs. Ackerman wouldn't do something like that." He
staggered backward in shock. His words were for no one in particular.
They were just statements of fact. He tripped over a box that sat
tapped up on the floor behind him, stumbled and fell backward sitting
down hard on it.
"If you think about it Tim, there is one reason why she might." The
Wizard prompted.
Darla came and squatted down next to him, her small frame seemed so
large to Tim who now felt every bit the inexperienced teenager he had
once been. "Tim, we all know that Ben wasn't the best driver. You've
thought the same thing yourself, haven't you?" Her tone was
sympathetic, her eyes sorrowful. Tim pressed his lips together in a
tragic sort of smile, his mind empty except for the obvious conclusions
to be draw from what Darla had told him. More than anything else, he
had wanted to save Ben.
Perhaps it was Kimberly's persuasion, her influence that made all of
this seem so futile. But it had been Ben she wanted to save, much the
way he had selflessly saved her one night three months ago. Ben had been
the one to lose everything. It had been in her power to give him
something back. So was it Kimberly that sat silently and mourned or was
it Tim. He couldn't say. Perhaps there was no Kimberly, no Tim. There
was just this life force and the vessel that contained it didn't matter.
All he knew was that she had failed, and that feeling was perhaps the
most crushing reality of all. Ben had needed her and she had failed
him.
"We never wanted this," sobbed Tim.
"JUST what was it you wanted Tim." The Wizard said cutting him off
clearly losing patience. "What was it you were looking for? Wasn't it
enough that I gave you what you asked for?"
"What I asked for? I never asked to be a girl!" Tim insisted angrily.
The Wizard began to speak, but this time it was Tim's own voice coming
from the old man's mouth, "Who do you think you're fooling Ben. If you
think it's me then you're nuts. I've known you too long Ben. So don't
sit there and think that if I manage to get a date, then you're in too.
I can't make a girl like you Ben. Fuck, I can't even make girls like
me!"
Then the old man's voice returned to his normal, old man rasp, "Remember
that? Or how about this golden oldie?"
This time it was Ben's voice that came out of the Wizard's mouth. "Half
the guy's think we're gay because we only hang out with each other."
Startled beyond words all Tim could think about was his response to
Ben's comment, "They think we're gay?" Tim flushed again at the memory
of it.
The Wizard didn't stop there however, "I think you're both a couple of
malcontents. That's what I think. Nothing is good enough for either of
you. At least Ben had the decency to be honest about what he was
looking for when you both came here. You know something Tim, he stuck
to the bargain. You were the one that tried to change the rules. He
was also honest with you about being in love with Sarah. I have to
admit, he surprised me. But so did you, cause when you were no longer
being picked on, no longer unpopular, loved not for who you were but
WHAT you were, you still weren't happy. Now you want to go back to the
beginning and start over? I hate to burst your bubble Timmy boy, but
there are no 'Do-Overs'' in life. You go forward, that's the end of the
issue. Game over man!"
Hurt, Tim sulked, "I though you were our friend?"
"I have no friends Tim, I'm a Wizard. Most of the people that come into
my shop are selfish, self-centered people that get what they have coming
to them. It was rather refreshing to think that this once I was doing
something good for someone that deserved it for a change, but now I can
see you're just like all the rest. That is exactly how you surprised
me, Tim. I thought you were different."
"Well, you're back now. They'll find your body soon and since coming
back, it's become vitally important that they do. The man that took you
will end up killing seven more children before he's caught, that is
unless they find your body and the forensic evidence they find with it
tomorrow morning as they're supposed to. Call it a little welcome home
gift from the powers that be. You're going to get to be a hero."
"So," Tim said indignantly. "Let them find my body," Tim complained.
"Well, that's a problem because right now, you have it. It's not yours
any more Tim."
Tim smiled a malicious smile, "Then they can't find it right?"
"Oh no Tim, they'll find it as of 7:43 tomorrow morning whether you have
it or not. The problem is for you is, you'll just cease to exist in..."
The Wizard checked his empty wrist as though he were examining the face
of a watch, "16 hours, 7 minutes and... 20 seconds. You've only been
here eight hours and see how much time has compensated for your
arrival."
Tim could feel time draining away no differently than he could feel his
life's blood draining away.
"So Tim, I'm curious?" asked the old man incredulously. "Is it fairer
for all the kids that die in house fires or car accidents or of cancer
or who drown each year than it is for some nobody from Hick Central,
Tennessee to die at the hands of a murderer? So let me tell you what is
fair Tim. You're going to give your life so that seven other children
can live. I'm sorry that this tragedy falls on the heads of your family
after you've already lost someone they love. I really am. The reality
is this though, you're going to save a lot of lives this way because
being born a boy in this reality is the only way you can do that. As
Kim, you managed to save at least seven lives by just being Kim, maybe
more. But then, I guess we'll never know."
And so this was the corollary. This was the balance the wizard had
spoken of. There was a police officer somewhere in Kim's reality that
Abs had not killed because her father had punched out Abs' eye. Kim
having appendicitis had saved her father, and then there was Ben. But
this is where Tim lost the connection. Was one of them Sarah, maybe her
brother? He was about to ask when the Wizard said, "It's time to go
Tim. Time has come."
Tim continued to weep, his head down where neither the old man nor Darla
could see his face. The Wizard began to move back around the corner of
the counter, putting himself between the shop and the mask which still
sat one the counter where the Wizard had put it. "Come along Tim, I'll
take you to the quarry myself and put you where you'll be found. You'll
just go to sleep. There won't be any pain. I promise you that."
As soon as the old man was clear of the mask, with his back turned to
him, Tim leapt up and snatched the mask off the counter and bolted for
the door.
"TIM!" the Wizard called out, "Come BACK!" But the old man knew all too
well that Tim was not going to be turning around. It happened exactly
as he'd planned it.
"Elvis has left the building," Darla said glumly. "I know how she
feels."
Maurice turned to his apprentice and asked, "So, how'd I do?"
"You're a ham," Darla said disapprovingly. "Did you have to scare the
shit out of her like that?"
"She wanted answers. She wouldn't have taken them any other way."
"I think she would have gone back on her own. Even if she wasn't really
dead here, she would have gone back."
Maurice gave her a quizzical look, "How do you figure?"
"She has something neither of us have," Darla said with great regret.
"At least until today, I know I didn't."
"Oh?"
"Yeah," Darla confirmed, "A heart."
"I'm actually jealous of her, of what she has. Can you imagine, me,
jealous?" Darla said seemingly in a daze. The Wizard watched as the
pieces fell into place in Darla's feminine mind. A slight smile, a
smirk almost, touched one corner of Darla's pretty mouth. There were
volumes of emotions written there in that smile, and plenty of room for
volumes and volumes more. That smile hung there for a moment until she
asked, "You know something Sir?"
"No Darla I don't."
Darla didn't answer at first. She just smiled that wonderful smile and
The Wizard watched enjoying this young woman's glow as it filled the
room. At length she began to untie the short apron she wore to keep the
dust off of her clothes. Darla folded the garment and then laid it
gently on the glass counter at the front of the store. She exhaled
softly and laid her hand flat on the surface of the apron. Her smile was
somewhat sad, thought The Wizard as he watched her. She wasn't facing
him when she answered him.
You're an old liar..." She said and smiled.
The old man smiled a big smile for her. "Will you come and visit me
after you get settled?" He asked her.
"I don't know. There are a lot of bad memories associated with this
place." She turned toward him and he expected tears, but she was not
crying. Instead her eyes were ablaze with the fire of a life not yet
lived. When he looked at her, all he saw was potential. "I may not be
able to find you again," Darla admitted. "You know how this old store
is, here one day, gone the next."
"It's Okay," her former mentor assured her, "I know how to find you."
"I can't believe I'm actually going to just walk out of here like this."
she said in amazement. "This will be it won't it? I mean, I won't be
going back to being male ever again if I do this?"
"It's already too late," The Wizard said, "You couldn't stay here now if
you wanted, and you don't want to, do you?"
Darla thought a moment, "No, I want a life. Not a pipe dream."
"Well, go on then. There's some lucky man waiting to meet you out there.
Don't disappoint him by not being there when he shows up." He gave the
girl a light swat on the behind.
Darla walked to the door way and stood there looking out at the busy
mall. Most people could not see the store front as they passed by. All
most of them saw was an empty, out of business shoe retailer, with its
windows covered in craft paper and a sign on the door that said closed.
Darla began to tremble. "I'm scared... It's like I've never been out
there before. I've been a girl for three years and now I'm scared to go
home."
"Darla?" Asked The Wizard.
Darla turned around with a questioning look. She half hoped that the
old man would ask her to stay. She would have given up her inspiration
in a second if he had. Maybe I haven't gone too far after all. He'll
save me. He'll throw me a line and pull me back in. I can't go out
there and be a girl, not like Kim. I'm not even a real girl! Now the
old man was going to give her a way out, Thank God... He saw it was a
mistake, Thank God!
"Would you do a favor for me?" Darla sighed in relief. He was going to
ask her to stay.
"Sure, I'd love to..." she was going to say, 'stay' but was stopped in
mid sentence when a small red and white sign appeared in her hands.
"Would you be a Dear and put that sign in the window for me love?"
Darla looking surprised and hurt, turned the sign over slowly. It read,
"Help Wanted!" A tear of fear and heart break splashed onto the 'H' of
the sign. Help Wanted... yep That's what I want. I hope I find it out
there.
"Sure, I'd be happy to." She blew the old Wizard a kiss, slipped the
sign in the window and stepped out into the mall. She waited for just a
second before turning around. When she did, all that was there was an
empty store front with an old sign that said, The Shoe Barn and a closed
sign on the window. There would be no going back now. Darla turned and
walked away, blending into the crowd of shoppers, just another 18 year
old girl in a world filled with 18 year old girls.
-*-
When Tim burst out of the doors of the Spells-R-Us shop, he found
himself spilled out on the ground of the woods across from his family's
home. The mask still clutched in his hand. Perhaps none of what he
remembered had actually happened? He gingerly touched his bad eye and
flinched. That at least appeared to be real. He had to assume the decay
he'd witnessed was still there too.
The idea that he must HURRY, nagged at him.
The image of a dream he had as Kim came back to him. A dream of the two
of them, Kimberly and Tim in the Tennessee River, their souls being
pulled gently apart by the swollen river's current. He could see
himself drifting away as he had that night in Kim's dream, only now,
curiously, he was looking back at Kimberly who clung to the branch of
the old dead tree. She wore a white cotton dressing gown and an
expression of intense anguish on her face. Her platinum hair plastered
to the sides of her head. There was no way she could come in after him.
And so there was nothing left for her to do but diminish in size on the
horizon as Tim slipped farther and father from her grasp, from rescue,
from hope itself.
He began to lift the mask to his face, to shut out any possibility of
the old wizard chasing him down to claim his property. Something
stopped him cold however. It was the idea that if she popped back into
her own time, several miles away from where she was last seen, more than
twelve hours from that point in time, God only knows what would happen.
It might have been a found-less worry, but there was risk attached to
that idea that Tim wasn't willing to lay anything valuable on. That bet
was stacked in the house's favor. She had to be at the hospital when it
went back on. And, she'd have to be alone.
The walk was hard and tiring. His feet were barking Dobermans after
only three miles. Tim's only solace was that Kimberly's feet would be
well rested and comfortably in her workout sneaks when she finally got
back into them. Tim misjudged the walk and ended up at the hospital at
7:17 p.m.
Noting the time, Tim realized when he got back, Kim was probably going
to be in trouble. "I'm gonna get grounded again..." Tim said miserably
but found that he was now thinking of himself tucked snug in Kim's room,
nestled among all her stuffed bears, happily sleeping safely in her own
home. "Okay then, let's go get into T.R.O.U.B.L.E."
Tim made his way back up the fifth floor. When he peeked in the room he
discovered that they had already given the room to an elderly woman. Her
eyes were closed and she appeared to be either sleeping or drugged.
Either way, it meant, Tim hoped, that he could slip the mask on without
being seen. Tim looked about briefly and then slipped into the room and
closed the door. Tim turned and was startled to see that the old woman
was wide awake and staring at him.
It's okay. It's dark and she can't see you... he told himself when she
suddenly screamed, "RAPE!"
"No!" Tim said holding his hands out and shaking his head.
"RAPE!" she cried again, louder this time.
"Oh no..." Someone would be coming soon. The old woman's voice was the
pitch of a fire siren and had the volume of a jackhammer.
She ripped off one horrendous cry, "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!"
"You have to be kidding me lady, what are you, a million years old?" Tim
asked and immediately hated himself for being so cruel. He was, after
all, dead and not looking all that attractive himself. Tim thought
briefly about turning on the light, letting the old woman see that her
would be rapist was actually a zombie in disguise. That would send her
for a loop, Tim thought. But, he cautioned himself, it just might send
her into cardiac arrest too. The humor drained from his idea as the old
lady began to press the buzzer to the nurse's station and right away, a
nurse rang back, "Mrs. Clutter? Are you Okay?"
"RAAAAAAAPPPE!" she cried again, this time spraying herself with thick
spittle as she pursed her lips to purr out the 'P''s in rape.
"For God sake lady... I just want to change."
"RAAAAPE!" The woman began to thrash about. Shit, she's going to have a
fucking heart attack right here.
Tim dashed to the bathroom and locked the door. There was no time to
think about it now. Fate was vying against him. He felt it was trying
to keep him from moving the pieces around again. They would be here to
open the door soon. Tim understood that the locks on these doors were
easily opened from the outside if a patient became disabled while using
the facilities.
Tim pulled the mask from under his shirt and held it up to his face. He
just couldn't touch it to his face. "Now you asshole! NOW!"
Outside, Mrs. Clutter shouted, "He's in there... He's in
thereeeeeeerrrr!"
"Okay Mrs. Clutter. I'm here now," said one of the young nurses from the
nurse's station. "Stop... you have to be still or you're going to..."
"RAAAAAPE," the old woman cried.
"Mrs. Clutter, I don't think whoever it was really wanted to rape
you..."
'Thank you!' thought Tim.
Tim returned his gaze to the mirror before putting the mask on. But he
had lost his focus on his relative distance from the mask for just a
second. The thing flew from his fingers and on to his face. Tim saw in
the mirror the utter surprise and horror in his eyes beneath the mask,
'I wasn't READY,' his mind wailed, but the deed was done! No matter how
he clawed at his face he could not tear the mask off. There would be no
more time left to him as Tim. That boat, as they say, had sailed.
Next: The conclusion to Dancing On Daddy's Shoes.