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Andrew Running (part 1 of Andrea's Stand) Chapter 1: Running I called my Aunt Clara from the bus station. She didn't seem that surprised to hear from me and when I explained why I was there she told me to walk a couple of blocks to the local diner and get myself a cup of coffee. She'd pick me up in about half an hour. I sat and sipped chocolate milk and tried to eat a pastry while I glanced nervously out of the window waiting for my father to show up and force me into his truck. I don't know what I found more frightening, my father's anger or the unknown aunt whose help I was hoping for. Home which had never been pleasant had become hell and I recognized that as scared as I was it was time to move. My mother had died twelve weeks ago and five weeks later my father's current bimbo moved in. Without my mother to be the target of his abuse my father turned his anger on me. Looking back I regret I never had the backbone to scoop my mother up and run for it. Neither of us were strong people. I was nineteen back then. I graduated high school and because my father told me I was going to work in his auto salvage business that's what I did. I say auto salvage but it was just a junk yard. College was for people who needed help making a success of their lives, or so he said, and the day after graduation I was in coveralls earning minimum wage and because it was a family business and I was "management" not being paid for overtime. I worked there most weekends and every summer since I was 15 so I fit in, did my work, got kicked and abused and then went home to watch my mother be bullied. One day we got home to find her dead in the kitchen. My father's reaction was to say "Oh shit, I don't have time for this. Damn, OK I'll call the police I guess, you start making me dinner." So one afternoon I took the pickup truck to run some errands and just left it, with the keys in the tailpipe, by the bus station. I paid for my ticket, rode the bus to Williston and called Aunt Clara. My father would guess where I had gone after a few calls to friends didn't pan out. Aunt Clara was not really an aunt just some kind of distant cousin. To my father she was that "nosy bitch" or "that damn dike relative of yours" or occasionally that "dried up old cunt". I met her once when I was very small and retained an image of a tall, rigid looking woman. Mom had told me she ran a successful real estate business. I had to hope she had room for an escapee. I watched my aunt drive up in a nice mini-van and wished I was dressed in something nicer than torn jeans and a khaki work shirt. She came in, said something to the waitress and sat down across from me. She gave me a brief smile, looked me up and down, nodded thanks when her cup of coffee arrived and finally spoke. "So Andrew, you finally had enough of Carl. I can't say I blame you. I hoped that Michelle, your mother, would have left home a long time ago. I told her she could come to me. Do you have any plans or is this an undefined plea for assistance?" I stared at her. I hadn't expected to be hugged and kissed but the dry business like tone set me back. I must have taken too long to answer. "Listen Andrew, your father is a violent man. In a few hours he will either being calling me or driving up here. I have no problem with that. I can deal with him easily but I need to know what you are planning on doing." I realized I had made no plans. I never did. I thought for a moment and tried to improvise. "Well I was hoping that I could stay for a few days and then well I guess I need to look for a job and well actually I don't have a lot of money and..." "In other words you have no plans. Alright, finish up your cake. I have a meeting in about 40 minutes. I'll drop you off at a friend's place and grab you later." For the first time Aunt Clara demonstrated a glimmer of warmth. She smiled and nodded. "I wondered what would become of you. I'll see what I can do." We got in the car after my aunt spread a towel over the front seat and we talked for the few minutes it took us to reach a paint and hardware store. We parked in the back and knocked at the back door. A middle aged man opened it up. "Hi Clara, what's up?" "Hi Jake is Anne in? Andrew this is Jake Paulsen." We followed Jake into the back of the store where I was introduced to his partner Anne. Aunt Clara explained I needed to be out of sight for a little while and assured them I had not committed any crime. I was given a seat in the back, shown where the bathroom was and left to think about what I had done. There I was, Andrew Dade, nineteen years old, not particularly good at anything, with about twenty five dollars in my pocket and no idea of what I should be doing. I drifted through school getting C's and B's. I played some baseball but never made varsity, had a few girlfriends but was still a virgin and then shriveled into a nonentity ruled by a violent father. The brief moment of courage that allowed me to get on the bus deserted me and I felt completely alone. Another person might have cried but to my father crying was a reason to be beaten. "Men don't cry" he would shout and the belt would slam against my legs. I just stared at the ceiling while I listened to the sounds of commerce and occasionally smiled at Jake or Anne, or the young man who worked for them, when they came to get something from the back. After about an hour Anne came back and sat down. "Whew, now this has been a busy day. Busy is good in our business but it's nice to sit down for a moment. What do you do Andrew?" "I work in a junk yard." "No wonder your clothes are such a mess. Well no way Clara will allow you in the house like that. What's your size?" "Huh?" "I asked what size you are. You're skinny as a rail. How tall are you?" "I'm about five nine." Ann got up and rummaged through the shelves finally tossing a new, dark blue coverall at me. "Pull these on over your clothes. Clara is particular about her house and her car." "I can't afford these." "We can deal with that later." I pulled the coveralls on and Anne went back out. I looked at myself in a small mirror hanging by a sink. Long, oily, dirty blond hair hung around a skinny face. An old bruise discolored my left cheek bone, the remnants of a back handed blow when I forgot something on the grocery list. The bruise wasn't obvious though because of the ingrained dirt everywhere else. I heard the door open and spun around in fear but it wasn't my father. Aunt Clara stood in the doorway and gave me her quick smile. "Well it didn't take that dog too long to bark. Carl called my office about twenty minutes ago but I told the staff to tell people I was in an all day meeting and couldn't be reached. I see you're in clean clothes, let's go. I want to get back to my house before he has a chance to drive over." As we drove through gradually nicer neighborhoods we said nothing. I stared at the houses with the neat lawns and the cars without rust spots and thought about nothing at all. "You were right to run but you have to decide where you going. Running isn't enough." "I had to get away from him." Aunt Clara turned a looked at me for a moment and then focused her attention on the road. "Oh running from someone is the easy part. Maybe you're like your mother; too eager to cling to any support no matter how foul. What you may need to do is run from yourself now and find out who you should be in the future." We turned into a driveway and I stared at the modern concrete and stone house. My mouth must have been open because Aunt Clara laughed. "It's not that impressive. In fact it's one of the smaller houses in this neighborhood. Most of the places around here have four or five bedrooms and at least 2500 square feet. I like it though. I'll leave the van out front. I figure Carl left a few minutes after he called the office. It will take him almost three hours to drive here. That will give you a chance to clean up and settle down in the back. Hmm, I don't suppose you have a change of clothes with you." I admitted I didn't and explained again that I had just taken off without any planning. My aunt shook her head as though in wonder that someone would make an escape without a thorough strategy. "We will throw your stuff in the wash and while it's going through that you'll have to wear the new coverall with nothing underneath. It shouldn't chafe too much. Come on in. Go into that room there, get changed and the laundry is down those stairs. You do know how to do a wash?" I assured her that I did and by the time I had my clothes in the washing machine Aunt Clara had made up a small platter with a sandwich and some iced tea. We sat in a back room while she quizzed me about my life. Part way through the phone rang and I froze until I realized she was talking to a friend. I was almost starting to relax when we heard the doorbell ring followed by some thumping. My aunt stood up. She looked at me with a thin smile. "Now listen to how it is done, stay back here no matter what, and learn." Five minutes later it was all over. My father had been told off; assured that I had come, been given some money and sent on to a place he'd never find me. He was threatened with legal action for a variety of not clearly explained things and sent away with a warning that she'd have some of her friends in the construction business pay his junk heap a visit if she ever saw him again. When she came back she gave me a big smile. "That's how it's done. By the way Andrew, I am not your aunt. I am your something or other cousin many times removed, so call me Clara. Are you Andy or Andrew? Come on, what did Carl call you?" "Usually" boy" or "you piece of shit." "Stop right there. I accept that you were just quoting your father but I do not like cursing. The English language is rich enough to fully express our feelings without resorting to obscenity. Though I must admit I can imagine what he said about me." Clara gave me a big smile. "Most of it is correct of course." "Huh?" She shook her head. "We will have to work on your speech. I am everything that cur hated. I am a liberal, educated, forceful woman and rather well off." "He said you were gay." "That too. Oh there is the buzzer, switch your clothes to the drier. By the way I have a friend Dorothy, coming over in a little while, and no she isn't and it's not." I just stared at her. She had read my mind. "It isn't any magic Andrew. I know the way people think. You learn I am gay and then I say a woman friend is coming over. I knew what your thoughts would be. Later Max, Dorothy's husband, will join us." I had the good sense to laugh and Clara joined me. I turned to get move my clothes to the drier when Clara laid her hand on my shoulder. "You've now run from your father. Unless you want to fade away you have to find something to run to. Think about it, oh yes, and take a shower, you smell like a junk heap." Chapter 2: Marnie I moved the clothes and went into the bathroom. A large towel lay on the counter. I stripped off the coverall and turned on the water. It was heaven to be able to take time in the shower without being yelled at for using up the hot water. I soaped all over with sweet smelling lather and then looking at the shampoo and conditioners scrubbed my hair. Until that day I had never used anything but generic soap from K-Mart for everything. As I was washing I heard a knock on the door. "Are you in the shower; OK, I am leaving a robe on the door." I rinsed off and dried. Then I took down a large white terrycloth robe and wrapping it around me stepped out into the hall carrying the coveralls over my arm. Clara looked at me and shook her head. "Well you certainly look more human. Do you have a comb with you? No? OK come here and sit down." I sat at the kitchen table as she pulled a comb through my hair, making soft clicking noises with her tongue as it fought its way through the tangles. While she was combing I heard the drier buzz and started to get up but she pushed me back in the chair. I felt like a child being taken care of and resentment fought with gratitude. When she was done, Clara looked at the comb and gave it me. "You keep it. I broke two teeth trying to get it through that rat's nest. You can get your clothes later. Well it's just you and me tonight. Dorothy called to say Max has a cold. We'll have dinner and try not to discuss you or your future. You need to relax a bit. I also have some work to do. Do you like lamb chops?" Dinner was a revelation. At home dinner was at 6:00 or God help me and Mom. Here we didn't start preparing dinner until 7:00. I was used to frozen pizza, hamburgers and pork chops, eaten in 20 minutes or less at a table covered with old letters, magazines and other junk. It was almost 8:00 when we sat down and I looked at the table. I helped Clara set it with a table cloth, matched plates and shiny silverware. I ate lamb chops for the first time. We had peas that weren't from a can, a salad, rice and crusty bread that didn't come pre-sliced from a plastic bag. Best of all, we took our time, though Clara had to tell me to slow down on occasion. We used the time to learn about each other. Clara was 48 and unlike what Mom said was not a real estate broker. She owned three small office buildings and a strip mall as well as some residential properties. She owned a company that purchased properties that were abandoned or defaulted on, rehabbed them and then either sold them or rented them out. I didn't have much to say about myself and Clara asked few questions. When we cleared the table it was past 9:00 and saying she had papers to look over Clara left me to the television. Later I slept in a clean bed and woke to a knock on my door and the question of whether I drank tea or coffee. At breakfast Clara asked that I stay in the house. "Just in case Carl decides to snoop around I'd like you to stay indoors. We'll draw the front curtains and then you can relax, watch television, sleep or whatever. You have my cell phone number and the office number. There is food in the refrigerator. Now if there is a real problem you see that keypad on the wall. There are a few of them around the house. Just hit the red bar on the bottom and help will come. I should be back by 6:30." The day past slowly and I loved it. I couldn't remember the last time I was able to do nothing. No one yelled at me or made me run errands. No one told me how worthless I was. I sat on the couch stared at the wall and luxuriated in just being. Bit by bit my shoulders relaxed and when Clara called to check on me I told her I was doing nothing and liking it. Before lunch I went to the bathroom and staring at my face in the mirror was shocked to see how ugly the bruise was. It hadn't looked bad when I looked bad in general but now that I was clean and my hair was combed the fading blues and greens spoke of a hard blow. I combed my hair again, washed up and promised myself that no one would ever hit me again. Clara came back and we made dinner. Afterwards she looked me up and down. "Clothing. Whatever you end up doing you need some clothes. We'll go to the mall and pick you up some pants, shirts and underwear." "I'm broke and..." "I know and you will have to pay me back, but don't worry about that for now." The mall was fun and after buying a pair of jeans some khaki pants, a couple of polo shirts and some briefs and socks we had ice cream. Then I asked if we could stop in a drug store and I bought a razor, a toothbrush and some other odds and ends. On the drive home Clara was silent and I just watched the traffic. I noticed she drove around the block once before pulling into the driveway. "Checking?" "Yes Andrew. Carl is probably scared off but it doesn't hurt to be careful. I think you can go out tomorrow. I have a local map and I'll show you where the town park is, the library and places like that. The forecast is for a nice day." I spent the morning just walking around the neighborhood ending up at a convenience store where I purchased the two local papers. I figured I should start looking at jobs and this was a good way to start. After lunch I looked around the house and felt guilty because I wasn't being someone's slave. I neatened up in the living room and then wiped down all the surfaces. Seeking something else to do I washed the pans in the sink. Then I rewarded myself by taking another long shower and wrapped in the robe sat down at the kitchen table with a pen and the help wanted sections to see what I could do with my life. After fifteen minutes I was feeling very depressed. High school and the junk yard had prepared me for nothing. I couldn't even understand some of the advertisements in the "Entry Level" section. "AP / Utilities Processor duties will include reviewing all utility and operational invoices, processing invoices in company database, researching tenant accounts and special projects." I looked at it and circled it not knowing what it even meant. As I moved onto the next listing I heard the door bell ring. I froze. Then I heard the lock turning and in a near panic started to look around the kitchen to see where the knives were kept. Just as I was about to get up I heard a woman's voice. "Clara, you home? Yo! Oh, you must be Andrew. Hi. I'm Marnie. I stay over occasionally. Clara wasn't expecting me until tomorrow evening. Oh sit down, God I need a beer. Damn, nothing but lites. Whooie, that was a long drive." Marnie opened the beer and took a long swig. Then she lifted her arm took a deep sniff and grinned. "Christ I'm rancid. Well I'm going to drain this and take a shower." A minute later the bottle was empty and the whirlwind had left the kitchen. When I heard the shower running I call Clara. "Hi Clara. A woman just came in. She says her name is Marnie. Oh it's OK? OK, I just thought you'd like to know. OK, see you later. What? Ohhh." I hung up and looked at the phone. The last thing Clara had said was "Now you can start imagining things. You see I know how your mind works." Then she laughed. I went into the bedroom and changed into slacks and a polo shirt. Then I went back into the kitchen, rinsed out the beer bottle and put it in the recycling can. When Marnie came out she was wrapped in a robe and still drying her hair. I looked at her. She was in her forties and attractive enough that my teenage mind would fantasize about her from time to time. The most remarkable thing about her was her smile which was constant and big. "So Andrew what are you up to. Oh the classifieds. You'll never find anything good in there. You have to talk to people. Tell me more about yourself. Clara was very closed mouthed about you. Then she always is closed mouthed, well at least when she's talking." Marnie gave me a wink and after a few seconds I started to blush and she laughed loudly. She rummaged around the kitchen pulling out cheese and crackers. As she stuffed food into her mouth she told me about driving up from New York, how terrible I-90 was, how she could never get Clara to keep good beer in the house and finally fixing me with a friendly but intense look said, "Why are you here and what are you planning to do?" It was odd, but while I could say only a little to Clara who was a least slightly related to me I could instantly open up to this loud, ribald, wise cracking woman. When I finished telling her about home, Mom, my father, the junk yard and running away I stopped and looked back in her face. "Jesus kid, well you're well out of that shit." I jumped and stared at her. "Oh right, not a word to use in front of Clara. Don't worry (she drew herself upright) I'll be a good girl later. So what are your skills, oh Christ it's OK." For the first time in at least five years I started to cry. I hadn't cried when Mom had died, or any of times my father had beaten me. It was having to face the fact that unless I wanted to drive a tow truck or tear apart cars I had no skills. Once that broke through, the rest of my life crashed down and I sobbed laying my head on the table." Marnie let me cry myself out and then after I turned down the offer of a beer poured me some soda and watched as I re-cleaned the kitchen counters trying to avoid her eyes. "It won't work kid. You can fuss all you want but you need to talk. Clara seems cold, though she's not and I'm here so you might as well start with me." We were still talking when Clara came back and I felt embarrassed as Marnie grabbed Clara and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the lips. I could feel that Clara was a little embarrassed too and knew that had I not been there the two of them would have hugged longer and kissed more. When Clara had poured herself some wine she looked around. "Andrew have you been cleaning? You don't need to do that. A service comes in on Fridays. They will be here tomorrow and take care of things. But thank you, I appreciate it. So what have you two been up to while I have been slaving away at the office?" We talked as Clara and I made dinner and Marnie asked if Clara had a place for me in her office. After that was denied they ran through a list of businesses they knew and occasionally I would write down a name on some paper. When that ended, to my relief, Clara and Marnie discussed mutual acquaintances, books, an upcoming concert and I faded into the background wondering about household where people didn't fight. That night I lay in bed both fascinated and embarrassed by the soft laughs and bumps I could hear from across the hall. I woke up in the middle of the night and sat in bed staring out of the window. I had many questions I knew I couldn't ask either of them and was turned on but too timid to go into the bathroom to jerk off. Somehow I drifted off and when I got out of bed Clara was gone and Marnie was sitting at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper. "Sleep well?" "Yes thanks." "Coffee's hot. Do you have any plans for today?" "I was hoping that Clara would still be here. I want to stop at a couple of businesses to see if they are hiring but I don't know how the busses run." "They don't around here. You either have a car or you're pretty much stuck. I'm staying through the weekend so if you want I can drive you around. The thing is Clara and I talked about you last night and I do have a suggestion. You see you never asked what I do for a living." I looked up and realized it was true. "I know you said you didn't want to have anything to do with cars and I understand that but I am willing to give you a tryout if you want a job at my shop." "Your shop?" "Yeah I have a luxury used car place downtown. I start with Lexus and move up as high as we can go. I mean currently I have a '98 Rolls, a couple of early Porches, a '53 Morgan as well as the standard BMWs, Mercedes and the like. Of course we call the cars pre-owned." "I don't know anything about those cars." "That's OK, I have two hot shit mechanics and a couple of other greasy types. I need someone at the front desk. Phones, invoices, stuff like that. I can only pay about $11.20 an hour but there are benefits and we can figure out how you can get back and forth." "What would I have to do?" "Answer phones, take messages, say hello to people as they come in, keep kids from climbing on the cars, do some filing, check invoices, accept deliveries; you know standard office crap." I thought about it for only a moment. The job was clean. I already liked Marnie. "Please, I'd like to try." "Good, now the difficult part." I looked at her. She was smiling at me with raised eyebrows as if to say she was feeling uncomfortable. I couldn't actually imagine her ever really feeling uncomfortable so I just waited. "It has to do with you living here, or where you would live." "I can get a place of my own." "Let me talk without interruption. Remember I'm the big boss so to speak. I suspect you have figured out that Clara is a lesbian. Or are you as dense as you currently appear to be?" Chapter 3: The Clay I nodded and then realizing that I could be agreeing to being dense I said I thought both she and Clara were gay. "Yup, and happy to be that way. I suppose at sometime we'll move in together permanently but that's neither here nor there. The point is, well let me tell you a bit about Clara. You don't tell her that I told you any details." "I've known Clara since my freshman year in college, and she was a junior. We had a fling in college. We both wanted to be entrepreneurs; we both are hard charging people. I was there to pick her up when another woman dumped her. I even worked for her a little when her business was failing and she couldn't afford to pay staff. She loaned me money when we had that slump a while back and nobody was buying luxury cars." "Clara is a tightly wound, very self controlled and a surprisingly shy person. I love her. I love her more than anyone I have ever known but I also know her weaknesses. She has trouble with even me staying here and having a male in the house bothers her intensely. She'll never say it to you, but she said it to me." "So I'll move out." "Where? Andrew you have no money, rents around here are outrageous. Carl may come back around seeking God knows what, revenge, money, it doesn't matter. You can live with me downtown for a while but frankly I'm not to keen on waking up and seeing a boy, sorry a young man, at the breakfast table. However we can start that way for a week or two if we have to but we need to figure out something else." "Stop." "What?" "Marnie stop. Let me say something." I felt tears welling up and cursed myself. I had been unwanted too long and I had to do something. "Oh shit you don't know how hard this is." "Hard. Andrew I started with nothing. You should try living as a woman and then complain." We looked at each other. Slowly Marnie started to smile. I just stared at her. For a solid minute we just sat. Then very slowly Marnie looked up at the ceiling and said: "You should try living as a woman and then complain. Hmm. You should try living as a..." After a while she stopped laughing. I wiped up the coffee she spilled and staring at her and just shook my head. "Don't shake your head at me. Here is what we are going to do. No, you don't have a choice. You give it a try and I give you a job, we have some fun with Clara and if it doesn't work out, what the Hell, we had some fun." Marnie poured another cup of coffee and then sat down. She pulled a pad of paper towards her and looked at me. "Andrew, welcome to the world of the intelligent gender." "Marnie please slow down. I can't be a girl." "A woman." "OK a woman." "Andrew, think about this for a minute. First of all you could make a pretty persuasive young woman. You're way too thin but that's the style in some circles. That's not the point though. If Clara still is freaked out you can live with me until you get your feet under you. It won't fool your father, but it may throw him off the scent if he asks if anyone has seen a young man named Andrew. We'll call you Andrea unless you have another name you prefer." "There is another thing. Clara does play the occasional joke and I owe her one. I'd love to see her face when she bumps into me with my arm around the waist of another woman and then finds out it's you." I regret to say it was the last that caught me. After years of being the butt of jokes, the receiver of kicks and curses, to be part of a joke on someone else tickled me. I smiled and without thinking about the details agreed. Marnie jumped up and pulled me into the bathroom stood behind me and grabbing my hair moved it around alternatively saying "yes" or "nope". She moved my head from side to side stopping only to take a phone call on her cell phone. "Hello. Yeah of course it's me. What? What year? Only if it's mint and cheap. No, pass on it then. Do they still have the Lotus. How much? See if you can talk them down past 28 and pick it up. Right I'll see you Saturday. Bye." Marnie spun me around commenting about how as the boss she never really had time off. She grabbed my chin and titled my head back and forth and then laughed. "How would you like to be a brunette?" "I... I don't know." "Good answer. Sit back for a bit." Marnie went into Clara's room and for a while I could hear her talking on the phone. After a while I read the comics and then leafed through the rest of the paper. Occasionally Marnie would come out, look at me, smile and disappear. Almost two hours had passed since I got out of bed at 7:30 when Marnie came out gave me a nod and told me to get ready to go. "Clara always has drinks on Friday at either the Hampton or Rialto's about 5:30. We have to have you ready by then so let's get hopping. We have two malls, a hairdresser, a shoe store and one other place to hit and you better have your game on. Let's fly." When I stepped outside the house my jaw dropped. It hadn't occurred to me that in Marnie's business you drive what you sell. The white Mercedes just sat and gleamed and I slowly walked around it. "It's a 1964 300 SE in perfect condition and only 51,000 miles. If you want it it's yours for $43,000 though I might be willing to bargain. Oh I don't own it, the corporation does and I'll drive it for about a week to make sure it's running perfectly and then put it in the showroom. Now get in." I sat on the red leather seats and smelled the wonderful odor of polish and leather and wood. Marnie drove expertly and I just reveled in the pleasures of a beautiful car and an attractive and funny woman. I even got as far as the door of The Gap before I realized we were about to shop for clothes. "Christ Marnie I can shop in there." "Why not?" "What will they think?" "Oh calm down. I'm not going to ask you to try on the stuff here. We'll walk around together and pretend to shop for your sister. I can guess your size and you can pretend to be bored and tag along. If you really don't like something just say that, um, say that Sara would hate it and we'll move on." I followed Marnie as she strolled through the racks, occasionally grabbing a pair of slacks, or a skirt holding them up and then putting them back. From time to time she'd comment about how hard Sara was to shop for. Finally she had a few garments hanging from my arm. When we were done she led me over to the men's clothing and purchased me a sweatshirt I liked. After that we roamed the mall, occasionally dropping into a store where she looked at clothing. At one store she bought a sweater and a blouse for me and at another she saw a jacket she liked and purchased for herself. I was tired and hungry when Marnie declared it was time for lunch and we sat in the food court and ate sandwiches while she told me about her business, MJ's Classic Motors. It was only then that I learned that her last name was Jarman. Marnie rushed me through lunch and we got back in the car and drove along a small highway pulling into a strip mall. She parked the car among the minivans and SUVs and when I stepped out I looked up at a garish sign proclaiming I had arrived at "The Shear Lock Of It". I grew up in a pretty bad trailer trash situation but I had not until then, and not since, seen a store front of such glaring bad taste. Marnie seemed to not notice the neon lights or the purple wigs but just pulled me in shouting "Hey Keith" as she did. With Keith, a short, middle aged man holding one arm, and Marnie holding the other I was steered into the back room and sat on a chair. "Keith meet Andrew who is going to become Andrea. Andrew meet my friend Keith who accompanies me to NASCAR races and truck pulls, which Clara turns her up nose at." I nodded politely at Keith and then looked at Marnie with question marks in my eyes. "You see Andrew. Keith may run the tackiest store in the area, but he also is an alumnus of the big hair band and glam rock circuit. He did the hair of some of the best and the worst that modern music could provide. Right Keith?" "Yeah and I still get calls for specialty wigs from the theaters and tribute bands. So let's take a look at you. Stand up please and face the white wall." Keith hit a switch and a dozen or so bright colored lights turned on, reflecting off the wall and making me squint. "Nope keep your eyes open. Hmm. Oh this will be easy. Think Gwyneth Paltrow without the cheekbones, dark hair and not as pretty." Marnie tilted her head to one side. She rocked it back and forth and then just shrugged. "How long and how much?" "Give me two hours and call it, oh we're old friends, make it an even hundred." I gasped but Marnie smiled. "Cheap at twice the price." She waved. I'll be back around 2:30. Have fun Andrea. I stood there with bags of clothes in my hands feeling very lost. Keith was walking around me occasionally moving me left or right. He nodded, looked serious and then waved me toward the front. "Time to get to work. Ginny will do the coloring, she and I will take care of the hair and then she'll do the make up. No, no backing out now. Also no false modesty, or real modesty for that matter. For the next two hours you are the clay and I am the sculpture." Chapter 4: Two Milli Helens I sat and sat and sat. My hair was washed, painted with brushes, wrapped in foil, unwrapped, brushed and cut. I sat upright while Ginny applied makeup, only to remove it and do it again. Occasionally she and Keith would stand in front of me and consult. When I tried to say something I was reminded I was clay and to be quiet. All this time women and men went in and out of the shop. Two other stylists worked at other chairs and no one noticed me at all. I started to feel uncomfortably invisible. When Marnie came back she gave me a big smile and then frowned. "No Keith you missed the target. You've got it wrong. Hey Ginny this is a show girl. I mean the makeup is great but I thought we agreed 19 year old receptionist, not tarty young actress." Ginny shrugged and looked at Keith who waved dismissively in my direction. Again my face was scrubbed and this time a little bit of blusher, a touch of eye shadow and some light pink lipstick was applied. Ginny looked at me, wiped off the lipstick and applied a darker color and called over Keith and Marnie. Marnie smiled and Keith nodded approval. "Yep, two Milli Helens. OK Marnie that's one hundred and you buy the beer at the next truck show." Marnie led me to the back room with Ginny following and they tossed the clothing out of the bags, looked through it and leaving out a pair of jeans with a lot of embroidery and a light sweater, put the rest back. "Change into this and be quick we still need shoes, earrings, and one last stop and its almost three already." They left me and feeling dizzy from the fast movements and changes I took off my slacks and pulled on the jeans and the sweater. The sweater was light beige with a v-neck and some fancy knitting on the front. The jeans screamed "Look at me and watch my butt." "Marnie. Marnie please come here." "Oh cute." "They are way too tight." Ginny came in and told me they fit well and if anything were a little loose on my backside. I tried to protest about the embroidery and the fit and somehow was still protesting as the Mercedes pulled away. "Andrea shush. The clothes you are wearing are just right. Just look at the girls as we go by. I mean look at that one there. Tight jeans and she's got gold stitching on the back pocket. Oh look at the cute red head there, OK she is in baggy pants but that's almost the same sweater you have on. Now sit back you still have some rapids ahead." "Rapids" was not a bad description. At "The Shoe Barn" I tried on shoes and despite being a woman's 10 and a half, Marnie found me two pairs of flats and one pair of chunky heels. Next door, at a discount jeweler, my ears were pierced and two little gold balls inserted. Further down the mall we bought a cheap black cloth bag. Then we were back in the car. "The woman at the jewelers knew I wasn't a girl." "True and the salesgirl at the luggage store had her doubts and one or two people passing us gave you a knowing look. Hey don't worry, by this evening you'll be better and by Monday you'll be good. All you have to do tonight is fool someone from the back anyway. Then we can see where it goes." "What about the money?" "Oh you mean all this. Don't worry. You won't owe me. I haven't had this much fun in ages. Anyway we stayed in discount shops except for The Gap. It doesn't add up to much, except for our last stop." "What's that?" "You need some lingerie and stuff. Your briefs show right through the jeans and you need a little something up top." I just sat stunned. We left the suburbs and drove into town parking on the street. I stepped out of the car feeling as though everybody was going to start pointing and laughing at me but the only thing people paid any attention to was the car. Following Marnie I walked through the mid- afternoon crowds listening to her soft undercurrent of instructions. "One foot in front of the other. Keep your arm bent, yeah the one with the bag. Head up. Hey loosen up kid, you look pretty good. Oh, here we are." We went into a small office building a walked up three flights of stairs. The new shoes with the thin socks tripped me up a few times and Marnie laughed. "Try it in heels sometime. Flats like those are easy." On the third floor landing there were a couple of doors but the one we were facing turned my knees to jelly. "Royal Corsets. Custom Fit Brassieres and Undergarments." "A corset?" "No silly. You don't have anything to put into a corset. Come on they won't bite." The shop was dim and old fashioned feeling. A stout woman was paying for something at the counter and Marnie guided me to a corner where we turned our backs on the customer and pretended to be looking at brassieres until she left. Marnie lifted a fancy lace brassiere up and started to stay something about "liking to see..." and then stopped. I wasn't sure I wanted to know what she was thinking and let it pass. The problem was that surrounded by all these bras and panties and things, my 19 year old imagination was inflamed. The tight jeans contained my erection but the combination of knowing what I looked like, thinking what some people, such as Marnie, would look like dressed in these garments, and then hoping that she wasn't thinking about me wearing them combined to actually make me totter. When my head cleared I was sitting in a chair with two motherly types fussing about me and Marnie leaning against the counter looking at me quizzically. One of the motherly women gave me a glass of water and we all took a deep breath. "So dear (talking to Marnie) this is the young man who needs to be disguised." The other woman chuckled. "You know Emily she, oh he, reminds me of that girl who works at Friendlies. You know the skinny one with the acne problem." "No, well maybe. Can you stand up?" I stood up and Marnie introduced me to Emily and Dolores Trent. We agreed to call me Andrea. I must have looked really uncomfortable because either Emily or Dolores, and I never figured out which was which because I swear they kept switching names started to talk. "Relax Andrea. We have two different sets of clientele. On one hand we have women who can't get a proper fit, or won't admit they no longer have the body they had twenty years ago. On the other hand we have a number of special women, men actually, who need some help in other ways. Frankly, they're more honest about their shortcomings." "What can we do for Andrea" asked Marnie. "She needs to appear more natural but I don't think that the Andrew part of her is ready for a bras and forms." "Oh no dear. That would be all wrong." I breathed a sigh of relief. "I think what we need are some fancy vests, think undershirts dear, and a little bit of foam. Also she needs panties with no seams and a bit of lift. You are too skinny dear. You need to eat more. Put on some weight and we could build you a nice body. Marnie dear go and take a walk. Andrea's face is already too red and the way you are watching her will only make it worse." Marnie looked at her watch said "one hour max" and waved at me as she left the shop. Emily, I think, smiled at me and then told me to take off all my clothing except for my briefs. When I hesitated she indicated a dressing room and I jumped into it, shut the door and leaned against the wall. I pulled off the sweater and jeans and then sat down. "Ready dear? Come on honey we can't fit you if the door is closed." I opened the door and silently cursing the beginning of another erection faced Dolores, I think. She measured my chest, waist and hips and while she went out Emily came in with a box from which she removed a number of small foam pads. "These are enhancers. They aren't really forms but in the size we're thinking about they are all you'll need. I am sure you've looked at the breasts of some of your classmates in high school. Ah, your blush tells me you have. Well when they are really small they don't have much shape. Do you know about cup sizes?" "A bit." "Well A is small and these here are double A, barely double A, so doubly small. Hold this one against you. No a little higher. Yes, that will work. You have a few hairs which is a problem and we don't have a razor, but you still need to stick them on. Watch me. Only a few drops, fold the form and roll it to spread the adhesive, now press them against you, no a little higher." "How do I get them off." "Rubbing alcohol. Now the other one, you do it. Watch yourself in the mirror. Good." Dolores came back with a couple of flimsy garments in pinks and whites and I was introduced to the camisole. I tried on a few and was left in an off white garment that sort of was like an undershirt. The material was shiny and there was some lace around the top and the bottom but I could say to myself it was like the sleeveless t-shirts I wore from time to time. Looking at the mirror I just gaped. Staring back at me was a girl. She was very skinny, Her hair was medium brown with lighter streaks and cut a bit above her shoulders. Her reddish pink lipstick was maybe a bit too bright, and small, very small, breasts pushed forward the shiny material of the camisole. "Panties now Andrea. Come on. Marnie will be back in a few minutes. Try these on." They shut the door and I slipped out of my briefs and pulled on a tight pair of black panties that seemed to be grabbing my backside. The door swung open. "Bingo. We got it first try. Oh dear turn around and tuck yourself in." Blushing terribly I looked down at the outline of my penis and spinning around unbalanced and ended up leaning against the wall. I caught my breath, tucked myself in and turned back. "Yes that's nice. Emily we need two more sixes one in white and the other rose; also another camisole in black and one in oyster. Andrea get back into your clothes. We want to surprise Marnie when she gets back." When Marnie came back I was pretending to read a catalog and stood up when she looked in my direction. "Oh my goodness. My grandmother's tits, but you look good. You two are great, here's my card. Check us out we have to run." In the car as we sped off to see if we could fool Clara, Marnie kept up a recital of instructions and suggestions. She finally stopped to catch her breath and I managed to say something. "Marnie, what's a mini Helen?" "What do mean?" "Keith said something about two mini Helens." "Oh it's a joke Andrea. A milli-Helen. Helen had the face that launched a thousand ships so the amount of beauty required to launch one ship is a milli-Helen. Frankly I'd give you three or four." Chapter 5: When is a Joke We parked the Mercedes in a lot and after some persuasion and a lot of reminders on how to walk and stand I got out of the car. The evening was turning cool and the low necked sweater offered little protection. I started to walk and Marnie reminded me to take the handbag. Turning back I noticed a couple of men looking at us but as we walked away I caught a glance in a reflection and saw that they were admiring the car. "That's men for you" laughed Marnie. Here is a gorgeous woman and a cute girl and all they can look at is a car as old as their mothers. Oh well that's life. Now remember once I spot Clara all you have to do is keep your back to her. I'll do the rest. Looking back I realize that Rialto's was nothing special. It was just a nice restaurant with a bar off to the side. However at 19, growing up where a trip to the diner was special, the place with its dim lights, chrome fixtures and dark wood walls was breathtaking. Marnie stopped at the door and looked around. "Yep she's here. Wait for a moment, OK she's turned let's go." She led me to the bar and stood me with my back turned to Clara. She ordered a beer and got me a ginger ale. Then as she talked to acquaintances at the bar she draped an arm over my shoulder and leaned against me. My head was swirling. Between the fear of being seen in girl's clothing, the fact that I was in what seemed like the ultimate classy restaurant and Marnie leaning against me, I was having trouble breathing. I felt Marnie's breast pressed against my arm and her hand pulled me in close to her. I tried to sip my soda and look calm. Then I heard Marnie chuckle and she pulled me even closer and I heard Clara's voice behind me. The scene was not pleasant. Clara didn't shout but there was iciness in the way she greeted Marnie and then some quick, harsh, back and forth before Marnie spun me around to face Clara. "Oh c'mon Clara don't you recognize Andrea?" For a few infinitely long seconds there was silence and then Clara smiled a brittle smile and said that of course she recognized her niece. It was the change in hair color that had fooled her. Clara took me by the arm, told Marnie we were heading home and started to lead me away. "Oh Clara, it's a joke. I just was getting you back for Christmas. Have a drink with us. OK then; Andrea I'll bring over the rest of the clothes tonight." Clara led me to the car and opened the door for me. I sat down and she went around and wordlessly got in the driver's seat, buckled up and drove away. The silence was terrible and I was too uncomfortable to be smart and keep my mouth shut. "Clara it's..." "Be quiet. We will talk when we get home." The rest of the drive back I tortured myself trying to understand what was so terrible about what Marnie and I had done. Clara couldn't be that upset that I was dressed in a girl's pair of pants and a sweater. Clara pulled into the garage, got out and just pointed to the living room. I sat down and she paced back and forth for a minute before sitting across from me. "Andrew, or I suppose it's Andrea now. Well whoever ever you are I want to know why you went along with Marnie's so called joke? What did she offer you? Was it the job, or money? What? I started to speak a few times hoping that maybe Clara would say something more but she just sat and looked at me with a stern and sad expression. I realized it wasn't the clothing that bothered her. It was the joke we had pulled. "I accepted the job before she had me take part in the joke or dress up. It was just a joke though." Clara kept looking at me. "I mean Marnie made it sound as though it was going to be fun, and she said that you didn't want me to stay here because I was a guy and that maybe Carl wouldn't recognize me and..." I drew a breath. "No, it's because someone asked me to play a joke on someone. I've always been the butt of jokes and now, well I was part of, I was ...." "Andrew. Hurting someone else won't make your pain any less. It just makes you less." "What about Christmas, didn't you play a joke on Marnie?" "Yes, but it wasn't cruel. It was a joke she enjoyed." Clara actually smiled and leaned back. "Marnie was invited as my guest to a party but she would be arriving separately. Now we both have friends in the gay community and I know some of the rougher crowd. So I told her the party started at 8:00 and gave her an address. But it was the address to a different party. The party she showed up at was an all male party and part of the BDSM scene." "What?" "Oh, you know, leather, handcuffs, stuff like that." I must have looked a sight with my mouth hanging open. "The guys there were in on the joke and when Marnie showed up she was faced by a bunch of guys in leather, some not completely covered, cheering her, shouting things like "Great the entertainment's here" or "No not a drag queen". Then they wished her a merry Christmas, explained the joke and presented her with a six pack of her favorite beer with a ribbon on it, a book about NASCAR they all had signed and directions to the party." "Wow." "Yes it was great. There is a difference between what happened then and what happened tonight. I did not take advantage of a weakness or a fear. Marnie probably would have enjoyed partying with the leather types for a while. She wasn't embarrassed." "I love Marnie. I really do but I also recognize that there is a manipulative and even a cruel streak in her. She sucked you right in and you went along because you wanted to be part of something and not be on the outside. Now tell me about not being able to live here." I told Clara everything about what Marnie and I had discussed and then described the day. When I was done I stood up. "I'll go change. I am sorry that I helped Marnie play that joke. You're right it was nasty." "No you won't change. You made a deal with Marnie and you will keep your end of the bargain. You are Andrea for a while." Clara sighed. "Marnie isn't a bad person. She just doesn't look closely enough at how her actions affect others. You have to learn that as well but you are young and frankly have been isolated. Oh well, let's move on. This is really between Marnie and me. Do you want something to eat?" I nodded though my stomach was upset. "OK we'll make an omelet." Dinner was pretty quiet. Clara explained that while she was uncomfortable with having someone in the house she was not going to throw me out. She also started coaching me on my voice which she said was my biggest problem. When we had cleaned up she looked in the freezer. "You know Andrea, some people drink when they're depressed. I crave chocolate ice cream, up for Baskins and Robbins?" I said yes but before we could get going Clara insisted on brushing my hair, straightening my sweater and then loaning me a floppy sweater because it was getting chilly. "It's way too large for me anyway and you are tall enough for it." We drove to a strip mall and ate ice cream. Part way through my sundae I gasped and looked down. "What's wrong." "There some guys over there looking at me." "Probably, you're cute in a gangly way. Now sit up straight and finish your sundae. If you want, you can ignore them or you can give them a smile. It won't get bad because I can always say we have to go home and drag you along." I ignored them and when we were done we drove back. Marnie's car was in the drive and any feeling of comfort I had regained disappeared. I shrunk into the seat and wished I could just stay in the car all night long. "When you go inside just go to your room. Wash up, close the door and let us handle this between ourselves." I sat in my room ("my room" I could stay) and listened to the cold tones of Clara and the first the laughter and then the more apologetic sounds of Marnie. I was clutching Clara's sweater in my hands and it came to me that I was waiting for the sound of a slap or a broken glass. These noises always accompanied any argument between Mom and my father. I wished I could hear the words but only occasionally could I understand what was being said. My name came up a few times. When I heard Clara's bedroom door close I crept out to use the bathroom and get ready for bed. The lights were out except for one in the living room I walked in afraid that it would be Marnie sitting up late but the room was empty. I sat on the couch for a while just thinking about the day. I tried to hate Marnie but I couldn't. I tried to find an excuse for going along with her joke but all I could hear was Clara saying "Hurting someone else won't make your pain any less. It just makes you less." I got up and washed, hung the robe on the back of my door, climbed into bed and turned off the lights. I listened, hoping to hear something but it was as if I was the only person in the world, alone in a dark room. Chapter 6: Learning to Be Andrea When I climbed out of bed Saturday I was shocked to see it was already after 9:00. Clara was drinking coffee in the kitchen and there was no sign of Marnie. We said little as I got coffee and cereal and then Clara commented that Marnie had to leave to be at her business. I said nothing but just nodded and then concentrated on the comics page. "Now Andrea you need to work hard this weekend if you are going to show up for work on Monday. I'll drive you in by the way. The biggest thing you need to work on is your voice. Fortunately you have a high voice for a man but your intonation is all wrong. Also you slump when you sit. I have a number of errands to do today so I want you to come with me. We'll work on your voice and I will help you practice moving, sitting, etc." "Clara there is no way I can fool people." "Actually you can but not for a good reason." "Huh?" "Stop saying "huh" it sounds dumb. No, you look for all the world like a young woman who hasn't grown into her body yet. You are clumsy, your posture is bad and you have no self confidence. That is what people will see. If you don't do anything which shouts "Male Gender" you should fool most of the people." "Most." "Yes, only most." I finished breakfast and after washing up, Clara brought out the bags of clothing from yesterday and we spent about an hour sorting through the purchases. A couple of times I had to try on clothes but she made no comment when I left the room to change. When we were done and had divided the clothes into "keep" and "return" I was left with very little to wear. "Marnie did pretty well considering you weren't trying things on. Get back into the jeans you were wearing and put on this blouse over the white camisole. You need sneakers and yours are too dirty and boyish. Wear the black flats. We have to get groceries, you and I both need cosmetics, I need to look at one of my properties which may need a paint job earlier than expected and we have to pick up a package at the post office. Not in that order. Oh I'm going out to dinner and a concert tonight so you will be alone. Think about what you want for dinner." "Do we have any alcohol?" "Yes but why?" "That's how you get these foam things off." "Well you can take them off later for a shower or a bath. From now on, they are part of you as long as you are Andrea." I shrugged, was told not to shrug, and went to get changed. In the car I had to pretend I was answering a phone and finally managed to say "MJ Classic Motors, Good Morning" to Clara's satisfaction. I was coached on how to get in and out of a car. I was constantly reminded to sit up straight. Then as Clara pointed out different women I was driven to the edge of hysterics by her wonderful comments on how women, particularly teenaged girls were dressed. I started to enjoy myself and with the exception of trying to hunch over to hide the little mounds under my blouse even began to relax. After looking over the property we went to the post office and there bumped into people Clara knew. I was desperate to disappear but Clara just stayed and talked with them. She introduced me as a distant cousin who was staying at her place and I had to say hello and answer a few questions. Looking back, my fear and embarrassment worked in my favor as I spoke almost in a whisper and kept looking at my shoes. On the way to the mall to do some more shopping, Clara spoke to me about the post office. "You were persuasive. I think Jane, she was the woman in the red coat, she may believe you are a bit slow but shyness can be a camouflage for you. Hunching over won't hide things by the way so stand up straight. OK here we are, Lord I hate malls." We ended up at the same mall where Marnie and I had shopped and Clara guided me back to the Gap. I told her that I had been in yesterday as Andrew but she just shook her head and pulled me in. Nothing bad happened and I walked out with another top, a pair of slacks, a skirt and a pair of shorts. At a discount shoe store I picked up a pair of white and light blue sneakers. At Kohls we bought a few more tops. Clara reminded me that at some point I would have to pay her back but not to worry about that for the moment. Then she walked into Macy's and went to the cosmetics section. The last time I was so embarrassed was when I was too slow getting dressed and my father forced me to take out the garbage in my underwear. Clara had me sit at a counter while she discussed makeup with the salesgirl and my face was wiped and made up. All the time the salesgirl kept looking at me with a smirk and I knew she had figured me out. As we walked away I had to speak. "Damn it Clara..." Clara snapped her head around and gave me a look that curdled my blood, but I had to go on. "... she knew I wasn't a girl. Why couldn't we just buy some stuff and leave?" Clara stopped turned to face me in and in clear if quiet tones said; "Because I am not interested in playing Marnie's game and if it is your game I am not interested in playing that either. I will help you out, give you a place to stay, loan you money and protect you from Carl. I will not change how I live or how I do things because you can't decide who you are. Now it's after noon. Do you want to eat here or shop for groceries and eat lunch at home?" We shopped and ate lunch at home. I lazed away most of the afternoon until Clara picked up her cell phone and looked at me. "I' m going into the other room and will call the home number. You pick it up and pretend you are at work. I want to hear you." We practiced for a while and Clara said we'd practice some more tomorrow. Then she looked at her watch. "It's almost 5:00 but it will stay light for a bit longer. You can't hide in here. Get outside and take a walk. Remember, walk upright, you've evolved past ape and you're evolving past male. Anyway I need some time alone so get some exercise and be back by 6:00." I changed into sneakers, tugged on Clara's oversized sweater and stepped outside. It was a beautiful late afternoon and I wandered the neighborhood. Occasionally I would find myself shuffling and tried to stand upright and stride rather than just loaf. A couple of girls in their teens jogged by and smiled and waved. A guy on a bicycle gave me a look as he zoomed past. I reached the little park near the convenience store and sat down to watch the ducks. They waddled up hoping to be fed and pecked at my shoe laces. Two men in their thirties jogged by, scattering the ducks. I breathed in the air and felt the warmth of the sun. It felt strange to just sit on a bench in the sun. For the first time that I could remember I felt free. I thought about the past few days. The trailer park and the junk yard seemed not just miles but years away. The dirty teenager was an inhabitant of a different world. I stood up and stretched and then thought about how I was sticking my chest out. I slumped, then corrected myself and found a happy medium. When I got back about 6:00 Clara had changed into a nice dress and I complimented her on it. She thanked me, said she'd be back around 11:00, reminded me about the alarm system and after collecting her things went out the door. I stood in the living room and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Tilting my head back and forth and turning from side to side I gazed at the young woman in the mirror. Blue jeans with embroidery on the cuffs and pockets sat above women's sneakers. A loose beige sweater covered a light blue and green shirt. Her dark hair fell almost to her shoulders and she had on too much make up. I went into the bathroom and washed my face. Tossing the sweater on the bed I came out and looked at myself again. I stood up straight and saw how little of the foam forms was actually visible. The women at the corset shop were right; I was hiding the absence of something more than showing the presence. Without make up I could see Andrew but it wasn't persuasive. I looked like a half-way creature, not male, not female. As Clara said I was not evolved. My 19 year old hunger interrupted me and I pulled out the frozen pizza and turned on the oven. Clara had laughed at my dinner choice of pizza, Dr. Pepper and cookies but purchased it anyway. When the oven was hot I shoved the pizza in and went back to my room. Clara had shown me where there were some individual alcohol wipes and I used them to remove the forms. Then I changed into khaki slacks and a polo shirt. I grabbed a shoelace from a pair I saw on the dresser top and tied my hair back. Breathing a sigh of relief I went out just in time to hear the buzzer. Turning on the small TV on the counter I sat down and started to eat. I only got a bite or two into the pizza when it turned into cardboard in my mouth. I couldn't finish what I had been chewing and went to the trash can and spat it out. With my back pressed against the counter I started to shake and I could feel anger building up in me. "Damn and fuck. What the hell am I doing? Christ, pizza, soda from a bottle, the table has stuff on it and I'm watching a sports show. Damn it I am not going to be like Carl." I cleared off the table and poured the soda into a glass. I put out a plate and a napkin and taking a slice from the pizza on the counter I sat down and started to eat again. This time I could chew and swallow. As I finished the pizza I sipped some soda taking care not to gulp. "I am not trailer trash. I am not a fast food in front of the TV red neck. I am living in a household where people do not hit each other. They talk, they don't shout. Tables are set and meals take time to eat. I am not going back to where I came from." I stood up and carefully cleaned the kitchen. When I was done I took the garbage out and after searching for a bag for the trash can gave up and sat back down at the table. At home a game or sports show would be on. Carl would be sitting in front of the TV with a beer and Mom would be trying to mend some piece of clothing for the tenth time. I did not have to live that way. I moved to the living room and turned on the TV, clicking through the channels until I found a comedy show and sat and laughed. When it was over I knew something was wrong. It was good to be alone. It was good to be in a neat house. I was missing something and it wasn't people. I paced a bit and realized that I just wanted to be someone other than Andrew from the junk yard and Andrea was my only choice. I looked at the time but it was too early to go to bed. I decided to shower and taking off my clothes put them away. In the bathroom I felt my face but I had shaved the day before and didn't need to yet. As I was about to turn on the shower I looked at the tub. It seemed strange to have a separate shower and tub and I couldn't remember when I last had a bath. I felt curious and went into Clara's bedroom. Sure enough she had a bathroom all of her own and it had a large bath and a separate shower. Back in the hall bathroom I turned on the bathwater and then sat in it luxuriating. I enjoyed feeling my arms float and sink. I soaped up with the sweet smelling soap in the shell shaped soap dish and then dried myself and wrapped up in the big white robe. When the tub finished drain