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Chapter 1 Kirsten's initial excitement about her meeting with Scott had been short lived. She had hoped that he would call her or try to contact her in some way. After a couple of days she was going crazy. She was thankful to have Jess' wedding to worry about and as more and more time passed she became more and more despondent. Scott had made a deep impression on her. She lay awake at nights, unable to fall asleep, and her following weekend was spent either at home or at work. She was not interested in anymore trysts. Jess had still been busy with her wedding preparations and by this point Kirsten had found a dressmaker that had seen this design and had made these exact bridesmaid dresses. Kirsten, Jennifer and Erica met after work the following Tuesday. Kirsten was in charge of all the details. They met for a supper after work in anticipation of their appointment. It didn't make sense for any of them to go home as they wouldn't have time to do anything before they had to come back to their appointment. Kirsten and Jennifer left directly from work, rather late as usual and met Erica nearby. After supper the three women made their way to the dressmaker's shop. The rest of the night would be in his hands. The women would have to be patient while the dressmaker and his assistants got their measurement and fitted their dresses to them. As Kirsten sat waiting for them to start her work her cell phone started ringing. It was Jess. "Hey sis, what' happening?" she answered. "We've hit a huge problem," Jess answered. Jess went on to describe how the reception hall that they had already booked had had a huge fire that day. No way would they be able to use it. Kirsten reassured her, it would have been a nice place for a reception, it was right on the waterfront and was beautiful inside and out, but they could find another place. Jess said she would start looking right away. Kirsten hung up and wished her the best and told her to keep her informed of what she had come up with. But every time Jess had an idea she had to bounce it off of Kirsten. The first time she called she talked about maybe having the ceremony back in their hometown. Kirsten said that sounded good. The next time she called back she had found a new place close to the old one, maybe best to just stay in the city after all she thought, because otherwise they would have to rebook a church. Kirsten agreed, it did make more sense, might as well worry about one thing instead of two. Jess' third call was to ask whether they should maybe cancel all their plans and just get married in the Caribbean on a beach with a few guests. Kirsten wasn't as sure about this idea, it was romantic but would it be possible with only three months to plan. Demoralized, Jess went back to researching. Finally it was Kirsten's turn for her fitting. She had been lucky enough to find this dressmaker and to find an opening for this night but now time was starting to run out. As she stood getting seemingly every part of her body measured, she wondered if the dressmaker could tell her real story, that if he knew that underneath all this still lay parts of a man. Regardless things seemed to be going well. They would be able to get out of here before closing and Kirsten would go home to try and calm Jess. As Kirsten stood with her arms raised she heard a familiar noise and it took her a second to realize it was the phone in her purse. Jennifer and Erica made an attempt to get it before it shut off, but missed the call. Call display showed it was Jess again. No worry, she would call back in a minute or two anyway. In another couple moments Kirsten was finished. No sooner had she stepped down that her phone was ringing again, "Jess! You're going to need to give me a couple of minutes here or I won't have a dress for the wedding," she answered without allowing Jess the chance to present yet another idea to her. She was met with silence on the other end of the phone. "Kirsten," the voice said. Kirsten turned beet red. It was Scott. This habit of surprising her had become almost uncanny. "If you're busy I can call back." "No, no, no, no, no, no, no! It's ok, just I was in the middle of handling a wedding crisis here. How are you doing? What's up?" "Wedding crisis? Not your own I hope." It occurred to Kirsten that in the only time they had met that she hadn't mentioned the fact that her sister was due to get married. "No its for my sister, I'm the maid of honour. Just going through the usual wedding planning details which usually takes the form of excessive panic whenever any little thing goes wrong." "Ah I see, well I was just calling to see if you wanted meet up? Sorry I haven't called, a couple of our doctors got in car accident last week and I have been pulling 36 hour shifts to cover off their absence. That and the clinic have meant not a whole lot of time for anything else." Kirsten felt ashamed again. Here she had been so self centered that she had thought that Scott didn't like her. In fact he had been working crazy hours trying to do his job. With a tinge of guilt she replied, "Sure how about Friday night?" "Oh sorry," he answered, "I meant tonight. I just got off of a 36 hours shift and I have 24 until the next 36 hour shift starts and then back to 36 hours on and 12 off. Pretty much the only time I can meet is tonight." "Sure," said Kirsten. She looked at her watch, it was already almost nine, this late rendezvous would mean a late night and a long day of work tomorrow, but she wasn't going to pass up this chance. "Where should I meet you?" "Well I am at home right now." Scott proceeded to describe the location of his apartment. Kirsten tried to figure it out in her head and then realized it was only about ten blocks away from the dressmaker. The two decided on a nearby coffeehouse. Kirsten called Jess and begged off, vowing instead to send the other two bridesmaids to help her, and then she was on her way. Chapter 2 For once Kirsten was not surprised by Scott. By the time she had arrived he was already sitting waiting for her. It had taken her no more than ten minutes to get there, so he must have been really close by. Her first impression of him was that he looked haggard. He was wearing the shirt and tie with suit pants that she had always seen him in, but his face displayed his fatigue and his stubble demonstrated the lack of time he had had for himself recently. Kirsten on the other hand was looking fairly good, though again she was afraid her nervousness would be apparent. She was wearing her typical work clothing. A pinstripe jacket with matching pencil skirt with a seamless body shirt underneath that just showed a fringe of cleavage. Her legs were clad in black pantyhose and some black four inch heels. Usually she would wear only thee inch heels to work, for her feet's sake but today she wanted to have the same height that she would wear to Jess' wedding just to get the best measurements for her dress. Her face was made up as though she was at work, enough to be noticed but nothing extravagant. She had tried to put on a more evening look in the cab on the way over, but didn't overdo it, it wouldn't look right with her outfit. The two of them set to talking. Scott described the hard time he had been having recently at work. Fatigue added to stress and whenever someone died he was always very upset about it. It was hard to explain to family's what had gone wrong when someone was living a few minutes previously and suddenly their loved ones were gone. Kirsten was pretty sure that if she wasn't so awestruck by Scott that she wouldn't be able to handle his presence. It is not that she didn't like to hear about her stories. She genuinely did, just all of Scott's stories made her feel small. She was a successful lawyer who was interested primarily in advancing her own career. To do so meant representing her clients well even when they weren't in the right. Hearing Scott's stories made her seem to herself like a greedy opportunist. Still for all of her own humility it made his actions even better and she listened intently to his stories. Another thing was clear though. Scott was not here for a date. Kirsten felt bad about this too. She was here under the pretenses of a friend while in reality she really wanted more. Se felt bad to be misrepresenting herself. Scott genuinely needed someone to talk to. He had been having some rough times and needed some release. Kirsten had presented herself to him as friend and as nothing more. He had accepted her friendship on such grounds, she felt wrong to betray them. She decided she didn't want a relationship with Scott anymore, she would be there for him as a friend and that's all. After a lull in the conversation she told him as much. He didn't seem taken aback or relieved. He just said that he knew that, that he respected her intelligence and the fact that she seemed to care. After about an hour of talking the two decided to call it a night. Kirsten first insisted that he come over to her house for supper sometime on the weekend. Scott was initially hesitant but after some prodding by Kirsten he agreed. Doing a mental calculation of his schedule he said he should be free Saturday night. Kirsten gave him the directions to her apartment and then the two were on their way. Chapter 3 Saturday night approached much more quickly than Kirsten had anticipated. Jess had needed some help to figure out her reception hall and after some conferring among the sister's the two had found a good venue, quite close to the previous one. So the original plans mostly stood, no need for a new church for the ceremony. Kirsten also realized that she had to go through all the formal procedures to change her name. She was planning on signing Kirsten and not Chris on the wedding license. Luckily her legal background simplified things greatly as obtaining a court order for a name change was the first thing which was needed. Jennifer agreed to stay late one night and help Kirsten with the documents. So by Saturday Kirsten still hadn't even really figured out what she was going to cook. Swinging by the grocery store inspired her to make a risotto with some steamed vegetables, something fairly light and uncomplicated. If she was actually cooking for a date she might have thought of something else, but as it was she thought Scott would be happy with her choice. Unlike usual when she had met with Scott she didn't put too much attention to the sexiness of her clothes. Instead she thought she might experiment with that a little bit too. She decided on a sort of Asian look. She would dye her hair dark brown. This was a few shades off of her natural colour but she didn't dye her hair very often. Although it had been months since she began growing out her hair, the extensions which she had put on still made up about half of its length and the extensions were not easy to dye. She chose a sleeveless tunic which covered her upper body fully. She would not be showing cleavage tonight. She chose some black dress pants to highlight her appearance. She removed the pink pastel nail polish that she usually woe at work for its muted tones and put on some dark blue polish. Finally she used the Asian inspiration on her hair by wearing it up with two chopstick looking hair holders and put on some heavy eyeliner and mascara. The only overt aspect of her femininity which she let showing was her tattoo. Her tunic didn't quite cover down to her pants and revealed some midriff and her lower back where her tattoo was located. Also a bit of her pink panties jutted out above her waistline at the back. She didn't really care either. If they were just going to be friends than he would have to get used to her in her more natural clothing. Unusually for Scott he showed up a bit early. She had been wondering how late he would be because of the hospital. But it turned out not to be a problem. He had gotten off at noon and slept for 7 hours. Now he would be going back into the hospital after their meal at midnight. He made a few jokes asking whether Kirsten was making Chinese food or sushi dressed like that. She joked back with him that she was making both. He seemed a little surprised when he saw supper. Nonetheless after finishing he was clearly pleased with her cooking. The two sat and talked for about an hour before he had to go. Kirsten had moved past her attraction to Scott and had started to respect him as a person. Maybe she still really felt something for him, but this was deeper, not just physical. As Scott left, they agreed to meet again whenever they could spare the time. Over the next month leading into early July the two of them met frequently, never with anything more than friendship being offered. Kirsten felt distant from men. Scott was taking all her time, it was not that wanted to still be sowing her wild oats like she had been in the winter, she actually felt loyalty to this man although she wasn't sure why - he was nothing more than a friend. And so their life went on, Jess speeding rapidly towards her wedding, and Kirsten mired in a platonic relationship. She hoped that Scott would, if nothing else, be her date for the wedding. At least then she wouldn't have to go alone. Chapter 4 Suddenly Kirsten lay awake staring at her clock. It said two thirty. Why did it say two thirty? She wasn't going to wake up until six thirty. This was four hours too early. No she was awake for a reason, but in her stupour she couldn't figure out why. Then she heard the noise which had woken her originally. There was a loud banging noise. Her mind tried to kick into gear to process this sound, what was it? Her neighbours above her making noise this late at night? She had met her neighbours upstairs, they were a couple of seniors who usually went to bed at nine. What then was this noise? The door! Someone was banging at the door. Jess was used to sleeping at Andrew's now, and a couple of times she had forgotten her keys. It had never happened so late though. Kirsten feared that she and Andrew had had a fight and that she had had to come back here. Kirsten was wearing her usual nighttime attire. Although most women wouldn't be comfortable in it, she liked the femininity of a low cut camisole and thong panties. So with Jess at the door, she didn't hesitate to jump out of bed to let her in. Throwing open the door, she didn't see Jess. She saw Scott, or at least what looked like Scott. His tie was loosened off and he was holding a bottle of whiskey. If he had drank as much as was missing in the bottle that night he would have to be pretty drunk right now. "Scott what's wrong? What are you doing here?" Scott replied, quite obviously drunk "They died Kirsten, they died" Kirsten realized something had gone wrong for him. Probably someone had died at the hospital under his watch. It seemed grotesque, but this is what she hoped for, she hoped it wasn't one of his family members. Despite the fact that he wasn't close with them, it would probably be easier to get over a patient. He had told her about patients dieing before. It bothered him but not to the point where he showed up in the middle of the night at her door. "Scott come in and sit down," she said as she ushered him in, "what is it? What happened?" Scott went in and sat on the couch. Kirsten darted into her room. She felt naked standing in front of Scott like that. Although the hormones had reduced the size of her penis and scrotum it was still obvious when she was wearing something like a thong. Before Scott realized she had been gone she was back with a set of pajama pants on. She found Scott sitting on the couch with his head turned sideways staring out her window. "Scott?" He answered her very matter of factly, "Murder-suicide, man shot his pregnant wife. I tried to save them all, the man the woman and the twins. All of them died." Kirsten was horrified, this was the type of sensational news she heard occasionally on the news, she never thought that something like this would have an impact on her personally. It noticeably bothered her, a tear showed in her eyes. And then more - damn hormones she thought. She didn't need to be overwhelmed with female emotions right now. She needed to be strong for her friend. She wiped away her tears and went into the kitchen and put on a pot to boil some tea. She came back and sat with Scott. He was sitting on the couch, she sat on the adjacent chair and held his hand. "It will be ok, Scott. Your job ... you have setbacks like no one else has. Your sense of loss would be staggering for someone else. That is why I respect you so much as my friend. You are an inspiration to me." As Scott's focus was wandering she managed to get the bottle out of his grasp without too much attention, Scott let it go while he appeared to be deep in thought. "Did you drink much?" she asked. "No not really, it was already half empty." Kirsten did a quick estimate and mental calculation, he was still pretty inebriated though not as bad as she had originally feared. "Scott is there anything I can do for you?" she asked. "Just sit here with me. Hold my hand. I don't want to feel this pain right now. I just want to be someone else, somewhere else." Kirsten heard the kettle boiling. She got up to make some tea for the both of them. She brought back a couple of mugs of a special cleansing tea which she drank. He didn't recognize it now but this would make him feel better in the morning. For what seemed like half an hour they sat without saying a word. Halfway through Kirsten moved beside him and put her head on his shoulder as he gently hugged her. He was crying on and off. Kirsten tried to pacify him as much as she could. It seemed to be working at times, and at other times not. Finally Scott broke the silence, "Can I crash here tonight? I don't think I can make it home." "Of course," Kirsten replied. She ran through a list of options in her head quickly. Probably best to put him in her bed she reasoned. She didn't want to leave him on the couch, but in his condition he was quite likely to throw up from the booze so Jess's bed was out. He would sleep in her room, she would sleep in Jess' bed. She led him into her room and helped him get undressed down to his boxers. She made sure he was in bed sleeping and then grabbed her clothes for the next day and headed into Jess' room where she took off her pajama pants and got into Jess' bed. This whole process from when he arrived at the door to when he went to sleep had taken about an hour. Maybe Kirsten had better take the following day off and take care of Scott, he didn't seem to be in any shape to do it himself. As she closed her eyes just before half past three and fell quickly into sleep, they were wide awake again less than ten minutes later. She heard Scott throwing up. Good choice to have put him in her room then and not in Jess'. She went into her room to survey the damage but found Scott missing. She checked down the hall and he had managed to make it to the bathroom. He was still in there. She helped him up, gave him some mouthwash and her toothbrush and made sure he cleaned out his mouth before going back to sleep. She led him back to her room and made sure he was comfortably in bed for the second time. She turned to leave "Kirsten, can you stay with me? I can't be alone right now." Kirsten felt conflicted. After just meeting Scott she would have jumped at this opportunity without a second thought, but they had done much to cement their friendship, which she valued greatly. Still she felt as though she couldn't leave her friend when he was in need right now. He needed a friend, if she had been a guy he wouldn't have asked her to stay with him, because she was a woman, or mostly so anyway, he just needed someone to touch. Kirsten knew that it was a common reaction after witnessing death. She remembered as much from a criminal psychology class that she had taken in university. Forgetting that she was wearing almost nothing she got into bed with him. He lay on his side and hugged her closely so that his head rested on the top of her hair. She immediately felt naked again. She was pulled in so close that she could feel her own penis pushed up against his leg. She in turn could feel his penis. It wasn't erect but she was very aware that it was there. Scott didn't seem cognizant to her distress in fact it seemed like he was finally calming down a bit. She wormed her arms up her own chest to serve as a buffer between herself and Scott. Even if a part of her wanted something to happen tonight, she didn't want to take advantage of Scott. As she pulled up her arms she was finally almost comfortable when Scott kissed her on the top of her head. She wasn't sure what to do so she just lay there. Scott's next overture was not so subtle, he leaned his head down and kissed her on her cheek Kirsten was petrified, she was scared what had happened, the two of them had worked so hard to be friends, now they risked endangering it all. As she lay there Scott leaned a bit further down and kissed her on her lips. This was decision time, she could still pull back. If she did Scott would feel horrible, even more so than he was already. If she went ahead she didn't know where it would lead. She decided she had gone too far to stop. As Scott's soft lips rested on hers she started to kiss back. His hands now went to work. They grabbed her ass and started stroking her breasts all the while that their tongues were touching together in their mouths. She reached down into Scott's boxers. He wasn't as well hung as some of her trysts in the past couple of months but he was still big enough. She kissed her way down his body, first to his sexy chest then to his toned stomach and finally to the shaft of his penis waiting below. Kirsten previous sexual encounters were nothing like this. They had been all about pure hedonism. This was the first time she actually felt that she loved a man. She took him into her mouth deliberately. While she might be more animalist with another, she was slow and specific about pleasing him. As she went to work he lay moaning with pleasure. If he wanted her to stop he wasn't making it known. After a minute Scott was hard and she was enjoying what she was doing for him. Abruptly he stopped. He nudged her head back up to his lips with his hands and started to kiss her again. Kirsten had wanted to taste his cum, now she was sure he was backpedaling. As he turned her over into the spooning position, she was sure that this was over. He had had second thoughts and now she was feeling humiliated, like she had done something which she shouldn't have. But her initial fear was wrong. She felt him push down her panties just far enough for his penis to be able to line up with her asshole. She knew what he had planned. "Hold on," she said. She had a supply of lube in her bedside table just for cases like this. Just she never thought that it would have been with Scott. She got some lube, applied some around her waiting hole, and a little bit inside, and then some on Scott's penis. "Just push in," she said, "it will be a little hard at first, but after a bit it will be fine." Scott pushed inside her. She had not been expecting this. The pain shot through her like it always did, but she was undeterred. Scott seemed to pause for a moment. Kirsten muttered out "Uh huh." With this Scott knew to proceed. Kirsten's mind was no longer filled with doubt. She was enjoying this immensely. As Scott pushed in and out of her, she felt elated. Scott was doing a good job of pleasing her. She felt and wished this could last forever. It wouldn't though. She felt Scott harden and knew his ejaculate was coming. She felt him drop his load in her ass. She was exhausted. She looked up at the clock. This whole ordeal had cost her two hours of sleep. It was now half past four and as she passed out she thought that she should take the next day off of work to make sure everything was fine between the two of them. Her last conscious thought was of Scott pulling out of her, pulling up her panties and hugging her closely as she slept. Chapter 5 The next thing Kirsten remembered was the blaring alarm going off next to her head. It took her a second to register everything. Had that all really happened last night? It wasn't a dream was it? Clenching her ass muscles reminded her that it wasn't, Scott had been there and inside of her last night. In her attempt to get him to bed last night she must have forgotten to turn off her alarm. As she stared at the clock now it read 630. She turned over Scott was gone. She hadn't noticed him leave. A quick check of the apartment confirmed that he was truly gone. Kirsten didn't have the time to check for him. Now that he was gone she was resigned to head into work today. She knew she wouldn't be very productive as her mind would wander between Scott's plight, their intercourse and where Scott had gone off to. Despite it all, even despite the fact that she felt like she had taken advantage of Scott's condition last night, she felt extremely sexy. In her time as a woman she had spent time trying to get the proper walking style down. It was only on days after she had been fucked and that a little bit of pain subsided that she thought she had it best. Choosing a fresh pair of thong panties she jumped into the shower, hoping that the falling water would provide a bit more energy. By the time she had arrived at work she had become quite worried. Scott was either not at his place or not answering the phone. She called the hospital and they said that Scott had been given a week off after the previous night's tragedy. Without being able to find him at home or at work she wasn't sure how to find him. She worried about him throughout the day. After work she decided it would be best to swing by his place and see if she could find him there. It was still strange to her, as she knocked on the door she noticed her manicured nails, and it reminded her that she was doing something much like what a girlfriend would do. She sat there knocking for about five minutes. Scott didn't seem to be there. She wasn't sure what to do now. She headed back downstairs and stared blankly at the street. She was at a loss. It was only now at a time like this that she realized that she loved Scott, truly and deeply. As was apt to happen to her, a phone call to her cell broke the silence. Looking at the caller display she saw it was Scott. "Hello ..." "I'm upstairs, you can come in. Sorry I thought I wanted to be alone I am not so sure now." Kirsten headed back upstairs. She noticed that she was wearing the exact same outfit as the time she had met Scott after the dressmaker's appointment. Which reminded her. There was only two months to the wedding and she needed to arrange a final fitting for herself and Jennifer and Erica. She got upstairs and found the door unlocked. She was completely unsure what she was getting herself into here. She didn't know how Scott felt about the previous night. Should she kiss him hello? Or should she keep her distance in case he was upset with her. It turned out once she got inside that she would keep her distance. Scott was sitting on the couch by himself, staring vaguely at the phone in his hand that he had just used to call her. "Scott," she said, trying to emote as much possible. Scott looked up at her. She had only been here a couple of times before, both times when Scott had intended to make supper and then showed up late with pizza. She kicked off her pumps at the doorway. "Scott, how are you doing?" "Better. I mean I am still pretty shaken up about last night but I guess I will survive." "Even the best doctors lose patients ..." "This one was different." "Different how?" "I never told you what happened to my family ..." It was true, for the duration of their relationship he was always very vague when he talked about his family. Specifics never came up. "...when I was sixteen my father shot and killed my mother and then shot and killed himself. I was the first one to find them when I got home." Kirsten figured it all out in that moment. Scott had become a doctor to stop people from doing to others what his dad had done to his mom. When a similar scenario came in the previous night Scott wanted help them the way he couldn't have helped his parents. He was seeking vindication and he had failed. Kirsten now started to cry a little bit. She wanted to steel her emotions but couldn't help it. After a minute she composed herself and asked, "Where are we after last night?" "Why?" asked Scott. "Because I want you to hold me." Without a second's thought Scott held out his arms and Kirsten sat down next to him. Scott had to get through this, but she decided the two of them would get him through it together.