The Best And The Brightest Part II free porn video

The Best and the Brightest Part II By Maggie Finson I don't know how long I walked, or hobbled with my cane for support might be more accurate.? It was a good length of time, I do know that. By the time I allowed myself to stop and sit on an inviting bench in a local park, I was almost worn out. The bench, with its view of a lovingly tended flower garden, reminded me of her, and that reminder came with a pang.? I'd hurt her, I knew that, and didn't quite know what I might do to make that better, if I even wanted to. "Who the Hell are you trying to kid?"?I asked myself with more than a little heat.? "You damned well know you want to make it better." Naomi had been nothing but kind, giving, and encouraging towards my erratic road to recovery in the time I'd know her.? Mentally kicking myself for being such an ass, I forced myself to get off the bench and work my way back the way I had come from.? *??? *??? *??? * She was in the bedroom, and I could hear things being moved around in there.? I knocked on the door and waited for a response. "What do you want?"? Her voice floated the distance between us, and through the closed door. "Can I come in?" "Why?? So you can make me feel worse?"? Her voice was tight and very controlled as it reached my ears and she finished.? "Oh, what the hell.? Come on in." "I've been a class A ass," I told her once I'd entered the room. "Yes you have." "What are you doing?"? I could see she was packing her things and that brought a pang to my heart I didn't really want to think too much about just then.? "Is your leave over?" "I'm packing to leave."? She turned to me with a defiant little lift of her chin.? "And no, I still have a month coming to me." "Going to Ireland, after all?" "I don't know, maybe,"?she replied with a shrug. "So you don't have any real plans for that other month yet?" "No." "Good," I told her while hanging my head a bit and giving my best impression of a naughty little boy who wanted to make amends.? "It might take me that long to finish apologizing.? If you'll stay here that is." "Are you sure about that?" "What?? The apologizing, or you staying?"?I asked with a sheepish grin.? "Both, ok.? I'm sorry." "Apology accepted.? Provisionally,"?she answered while favoring me with that enigmatic look women always seem to reserve for men who are not quite in the dog house, but are way too close for their own comfort. "Provisionally?" "Yes, I want you to look at some literature about the Care Givers, and watch a short vid disc I have.? If you do that it would explain what I do and what I am a lot more clearly than I seemed to be able to do for you." "All right." "Ok."? Her hard expression softened and she waved to the burnished alloy cases sitting on the floor of the room.? "Those are somewhere in these.? Help me unpack?" "Gladly." *??? *??? *??? * Care Givers was founded on the Japanese concept of Geishas.? Not the submissive prostitutes most westerners think of those ladies as, but the classical companions.? The women trained from an early age to be erudite, well read, accomplished musicians and singers, and to be understanding and loving companions for the men who paid for their services. Sexual favors were something left to the discretion of the individual lady, and when they decided to bestow that honor on a man, they were quite accomplished. So it was with Care Givers.? The company was founded by a retired Geisha.? Specifically by a visionary woman named Mary Yotori, a classically trained, Yokohama Geisha who realized space was going to be the profession where her services would be needed most throughout the next century.? She never set a toe in space, but she was a shrewd investor who had amassed a considerable fortune.? She hired the best retired spacers, technicians, and corporate managers she could find and launched the company.? Its success was indisputable.? Care Givers was the foremost personnel supplier in the solar system for space enterprises. ?? The employees of Care Givers all had what could be considered at minimum, Masters degrees in at least three specialties that involved living and surviving in space.? In addition to that, they were superbly trained to ease the tensions a group of males confined in a small area generate.? If that easing should involve sexual encounters... well the ladies of CGC were also superbly trained for that. But the sex was really a minor part of the whole.? Care Givers were envisioned as badly needed support for the men in space, and competent backup for crew positions when that was required.? The more I read, the more impressed I became.? Naomi was a Care Giver, and that was a designation that the ones holding it were justifiably proud to carry. God, how wrong can a man be and still survive? I was lucky she hadn't killed me, or left. *??? *??? *??? * "Impressive," I told Naomi as I handed the book I'd been reading back to her.? "I couldn't have been more wrong, or stupid.? I'm really sorry now." "I understand."? Naomi smiled at me, a little wistfully, but it was a smile. "I do have several questions about the company's recruiting, if you wouldn't mind me asking them?" "I'm not a recruiter, but go ahead and ask,"?she told me with an elegant lift of one shoulder meant to be a shrug. "What exactly is this 'DeCorvin Process?" "It was originally intended as a genetic enhancement, to make the company's employees healthier and extend their time of service, though that was put rather badly." "Genetic enhancement."? I nodded.? "What exactly does it do?" "Increases life spans, strengthens the immune system, enhances intelligence, and a few other things,"?she hedged. "I read about some side effects?" "Well, yes, there are always side effects of some kind with a process like that,"?she admitted. "You're evading the question here." "Yes I am."? With a frown she stared directly into my eyes.? "What are you driving at here?" "I'm driving at what happens to a genetic male when the process is used on him." "Oh."? She began to appear a little uncomfortable, but shook her head, and her intellect, evidently, then nodded.? "Yes, there is one major side effect if a male undergoes the process." "Which is?"? I was being unmerciful in my turn, but this was just too good to pass up even if I would likely pay for my sense of humor later. "A sex change,"?Naomi answered without raising or lowering, her voice. "A genetic male becomes a viable, child bearing, genetic female if he undergoes the process." "I see."? "What do you see?"? She eyed me suspiciously, as if knowing she'd been had.? "Specifically?" "You weren't always a woman, were you?" "Does it matter that much to you?" "No."? My answer was a surprise even to me, but on quick examination I discovered it was true.? "It doesn't.? I've only known you as one of the warmest, most giving, most beautiful women I've ever had the good fortune to meet.? I was just wondering is all." "Fair enough."? With a small smile that held a little sadness, she picked up the photograph of the redheaded man I'd seen earlier.? "This was me.? Twenty years ago." "Twenty..??!" "The DeCorvin process also gives the recipient back his youth." "Only he's a she when it's finished,"?I put it. "Right." "Forgive my asking this, and I know I'm already in so deep I'd need a power shovel to get deeper, but why did you do it?" "That's the first really good question you've asked up to now."? Naomi gave me a long look.? "And a fair one." "Ok, so what's the answer?" "You're losing points again, fella." "Sorry." "Don't apologize, just listen."? At my silence to that command she smiled and nodded.? "I first met Connie when I came over as a college exchange student.? I was nineteen and she was three." "As my studies progressed, Connie grew up into a lovely, vivacious, even if somewhat irascible teenager.? We had become friends by the time she was four, and that has never changed.? When I decided to extend my visa so I could teach at the University of Maryland, she was overjoyed, and wouldn't go to any school but that for her own higher education." "That's where I met her."? I nodded. "And, I think, you in your old self.? Ned Foster wasn't it?? You taught ethics and literature if I recall it correctly." "That's right, and we did meet several times,"?Naomi agreed then gave me a nasty little grin.? "I thought you were a young man too full of himself for his own good at the time and warned Connie to keep her distance if she was smart." "Thanks."? I was beginning to feel worse as this conversation went on, and the woman wasn't giving me any leeway at all. "It was the truth then, but you know it as well as I did, and do, Eric.? You were unconscionably bright, determined, and much too serious to be really healthy.? But Connie liked you.? So I figured you had to have something going for you." "I appreciate that,"?I wryly thanked her then gave her a direct look. "But that doesn't cover my question, does it?" "Patience, dear, I'm leading up to that." "I kind of thought so."? With another sheepish little grin -- or grimace since I knew I was really in trouble with this lovely lady -- I settled back to listen. "I was in my early forties, had a liver condition from my lifestyle -- I was an off and on drunk, to be honest -- but had dearly wanted to get into space since I was a kid and read about the Apollo missions.? The only way I was going to get there was by imagination, or vicariously through vids and books.? I thought.? Then I was fortunate enough to meet a very dear lady named Ryoko."? ?????? Making sure I was paying attention, and not sneaking a nap while she talked, Naomi nodded.? "Ryoko Watanbe showed me how I was wrecking a pretty good mind, got me off the bottle, loved me no matter how nasty or disagreeable I got, and finally made me an offer." "To work for Care Givers?" "That, yes, but she couched it more like a challenge."? Naomi smiled at a memory I couldn't reach, but was able to see was one she enjoyed taking out to look at off and on.? "Ryoko told me that I could get into space, and even do well once I had." "There's a but in that, isn't there?" "Yes, a big one."? Naomi acknowledged.? "But to do so, I would have to get rid of my male hang-ups about women, especially women who worked in positions like Care Givers offered." I winced at the pointed, no barbed look she gave me on that one. "Ryoko challenged me to rise above that kind of thing."? Naomi spoke almost dreamily then gave me the full benefit of her vivid green eyes. "And to go out there with her and do something positive for humanity instead of being a drone pouring gruel into the unappreciative mouths of the young who weren't able to see the beauty of what I had to offer them." "So you did?" "Not right away I didn't."? The redheaded goddess I had hurt shook her head.? "But it got me thinking about a lot of things.? Like did I really feel as if I was doing something useful or truly meaningful by standing in front of a classroom filled with bored students taking the class because they had to, and drinking myself to death when I wasn't doing that?? Or was I wasting a life and a good mind that could possibly actually do something to benefit Humanity?" I nodded, as she had obviously reached a point in the narration that required some acknowledgement, but for once I was bright enough to remain silent. "I fought myself over those questions for six months."? Naomi smiled tiredly then went on softly.?? "But the answers I came up with were always the same.? I was wasting my time, in most cases, with what I was doing.? Not to mention working pretty hard at wasting a life.? Mine.? I took Ryoko's challenge, finally." "So you went through the DeCorvin process." "Not right away,"?she answered with a crooked little grin.? "I'm Irish, and was as stupidly macho as most Irishmen have ever been.? After all, I'd be giving up my precious manhood to fully accept Ryoko's challenge." ?? "So what made you decide to go ahead and do it?" "To this day, I don't really know,"?Naomi answered honestly.? "It had to have been a combination of things that I'd been through and exposed to, but what those were exactly, I still can't say with any certainty.? I just decided to do it." ???? "Have you ever regretted the decision?" "Not once,"?she told me after thinking about that for a few seconds. "I've had a far richer life, and am happier than ever I imagined possible as a male." "All right,"?I nodded. "Don't think it was easy, though." "What, getting used to being a woman?"?I asked then winced internally at how I knew that must have sounded.? "Sorry, didn't mean that the way it had to sound." "I might forgive you."? Naomi gave me a halfway warm smile.? "In about thirty years or so if you keep on being a nice boy, that is." "God, I hope so."? It occurred to me that I had all but outright called this lovely, intelligent woman a whore, and I really felt small for that. "I'll do my best, really."? I was sincere.? I understood now how deeply I had hurt her earlier, and desired to make amends in whatever manner I was able. "I studied, and worked very hard to become what I am now, Eric,"?Naomi told me quietly.? "I'm proud of what I am, of what I do, and of the company I work for.? I want to make sure you understand that right now." "I understand that enough to realize how much I had to have hurt you earlier," I responded slowly.? "I don't know if I can forgive myself for that, and wouldn't blame you if you didn't." "I'll keep that in mind as a provisional start for a proper apology." Naomi let her mouth quirk in a halfway sardonic smile.? "And give you the same challenge Ryoko gave me.? You think about it for a while, and if you really do want to get back out into space, there is a way." "The DeCorvin process and Care Givers,"?I whispered. "Yes.? You'd be healthy again, no nerve damage, the process would heal all that, and make you beautiful while it did,"?Naomi added.? "Think about it.? I won't press you any further than I have already.? But when you decide, either way, please let me know." "I will, Naomi."? Damn, I had given up on ever getting back out into space, even as useless baggage (read passenger there) and now there was a chance that I could not only get back out there, but could make some kind of real contribution to the race's future.? But if I did, it would be as a female. "Umm, is the process reversible?"?I questioned. "Not so far,"?she said with a shrug.? "The DeCorvin Process uses a combination of nanites, and RNA loaded into a retrovirus that rewrites the genetic code from male to female, of for a female, improves her health wise and rejuvenates her.??For some reason no one has been able to determine, the process won't work at all in reverse.? Research is still going on with that, of course, and with the money Care Givers is throwing at it the answer will come out eventually.? So far all I've heard is speculation that it's somehow easier to ad a leg to the male Y chromosome, changing it into an X, than it is to subtract that same leg from the female X." "Ok, thanks.? Oh, one more thing before I stop with the questions here, if you don't mind?"? I watched her grin and nod in a 'go on' gesture. "Uhm, are all Care Givers such gorgeous ladies?" "Those of us who started out male generally are,"?Naomi answered slowly. "Like I said, the DeCorvin Process enhances the people it works on. While altering the genetic makeup from male to female it evidently decides that beauty is a desirable survival trait in human females.? I'm pretty sure you can figure it out from there, can't you?" "Ummm, yeah.? I think that's pretty well clear,"?I acknowledged. "Thanks." *??? *??? *??? * That night I slept on the foldout bed that Connie's couch became, and was just happy that Naomi was still there, even if not sleeping with me. Given the things I had said, and the way I had acted, I couldn't blame her at all for being more than a little cool towards me. "So."? Connie seated herself and stared at me across the polished expanse of a coffee table that would done justice to a formal dining room if the people eating there were to sit on cushions.? "What's going on between you and Naomi?? The tension is thick enough to cut with a pair of dull bandage scissors around here." "We had a discussion about who she works for," I told my long time friend.? She gave me look out of those expressive brown eyes that was best described as hard when I brought that up.? I wasn't going to tell her about the argument, or my initial reactions.? That was something better left between Naomi and myself I thought.? "And she gave me a challenge, of sorts." "Uh huh."? Connie stared so hard I thought she was peering into my soul for a few seconds before she went on.? "Naomi is a very special person, Eric.? If you've hurt her, I'll never forgive you." That was ground I wasn't about to cover just then.? Instead I told her what the challenge had been. "So she wants you look at yourself, inside yourself, and see how badly you want to go back into space."? Connie nodded thoughtfully then added. "About the only that would happen now is through Care Givers, isn't it?" "Yeah." "What's wrong with that?" "Well, after the DeCorvin process, I'd be... I'd be a woman," I answered. "And would that be so bad, Eric?"?Connie questioned softly.? "You'd be healthy again, with a strong immune system, in demand, and attractive. Plus you would be able to make use of those skills you've taken so long and worked so hard to get.? Truthfully, I don't think you're going to do well being Earthbound.? Your soul is set on the stars, hon.? Think really hard about the possibilities open to you then make your choice. I won't interfere in it after this." "I am." "Good."? Connie got out of the chair and nodded.? "You make the choice you feel is right for you.? Don't let anyone, or anything, pressure you into something you could hate for the rest of your life.? Ok?" "Connie?"?I called as she began to leave the living room.? "I don't know whether I want to go back out there after..." "Like getting back on a bicycle after you've fallen off,"?she told me. "Either you will or you won't do it.? That just depends on how badly you want to ride that particular bike.? Good night, Eric." I didn't sleep much that night.? I was torn between fear of something that had nearly killed me once, and the desire to look that thing in the face and tell it that I hadn't given up and wouldn't quit. ? In the end, I decided the second case was better.? I wasn't all that thrilled about becoming a female to do it, but deep down I knew that I'd never be at peace with myself, or anyone else, if I didn't at least try to get back out there. Oddly the idea that I would have to do that as a woman didn't matter all that much in the larger scheme of things.? I pretty well made my mind up that night, but decided to let it sit for a while and see if I would find a viable alternative.? Not that I really expected to find one, but I needed to give that a chance, too. *??? *??? *??? * Over the next few days I often seemed distracted and more than a little tired.? Naomi and Connie both understood my distance, and respected it, leaving me to my own thoughts as I considered my options. I did have those by then. ? I was staring at a small sheaf of printed out mail I had received as Naomi entered the living room and gave me a quizzical look. "Job offers," I told her with a wan smile.? "University of Maryland, and MIT for teaching positions, NASA has offered a spot as a flight and engineering consultant -- non flying, of course.? Two more from news services, and one from a vid publisher wanting to 'do my story'.? I didn't approach any of these places, they just sent their offers." "You are good at what you do, Eric,"?the redhead told me, then grinned.? "Isn't there one in there you failed to mention?" "Yes, but I kind of thought you'd know about that one."? I nodded, holding out the one I'd received from Care Givers.? "Did you do this one?" "No, that comes from Dr. Ryoko Watanbe herself.? She heads up recruitment and training for the company.? She did call me to see if I thought you might be interested, but to answer your question no I didn't approach CGC for you." "Dr. Watanbe's letter specifically told me I could get back into space, on an active basis, if I took her offer.? The terms are very generous, too, for an entry level job." "They always are,"?Naomi answered with a slow smile.? "Care Givers Company takes good care of its employees." "I take it you told this Dr. Watanbe that I would be open to the offer?" "I told her I wasn't sure, but it wouldn't hurt to make the offer.? You have so many skills, so much expertise, that it would be a waste for you to become a ground hugger.? But I didn't know if you would be interested." "Ok.? That's fair enough."? I read the offer again, easily the most lucrative of the ones I'd gotten so far, even the one from NASA that would have given me time in service towards seniority.? "For what it's worth, that is the one I'm leaning towards just now.? I just don't think I'd feel complete being stuck in a job that had me standing on the ground watching things happen in space." "So are you going to accept the offer?" "I don't know yet, to be honest," I told her.? "I'm not dismissing it, but the idea is still one I'm chewing on here." "I understand how that is," Naomi told me, her green eyes filled with both understanding and sympathy.? "I went through pretty much the same things years ago when I was considering the same kind of offer.? It is a high price to pay for getting into space, isn't it?" "On the surface, yes," I replied then shrugged.? "But the price I'd pay otherwise is higher.? With the nerve damage I've already suffered, and the stress my internal organs went through there's a real good chance that even just going through a launch would finish the job and kill me." "But you'd almost risk that to get back out there, wouldn't you?" ? "Yeah, I think so," I told her, then carefully folded the offer from CGC and put it with the others.? "I'm going to give this one more day then I think I'll be ready to make a decision one way or the other." "Don't rush it, Eric,"?she cautioned while placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.? "Care Givers was the right choice for me, but it isn't for everyone." "I won't rush anything, Naomi,"?I answered while patting her hand, still on my shoulder, gently.? "Truthfully, I haven't been thinking about much else except our argument since the other day.? I said some pretty terrible things to you then, things I really regret now, but that wouldn't determine the choice I make.? I was taught that emotions cloud good judgment and decision making, and in most cases that's true.? Right now, though, I have to take a good look at how I do feel and listen to that instead of intellect." Her hand gave my shoulder a squeeze, and she left me to my thoughts. *??? *??? *??? * That afternoon and evening, I visited Claire McBain and My grandmother. "Well, have you decided on what you might try and do now that you're out of that hospital?"? Gran asked me point blank as we sat around the kitchen table with cups of coffee. "Almost."? I gave her a tired smile and looked at Claire.? "NASA did make me a pretty good offer. "I knew they would."? Claire nodded thoughtfully then gave me a shrewd, thoughtful look.? "But you aren't going to accept it are you?" "No."? Shaking my head I added a shrug.? "I just wouldn't be able to live with myself working in Houston, or especially at the Cape.? I'd be way too close to the things I loved most about life, and so far away from them that every day would hurt like an open wound." "I heard that MIT and U of M made you offers, too." ? "They did."? I nodded.? "And the European Space Agency, along with several companies in the private sector.? Oh, Trans-vid productions is offering a bunch of money for the exclusive rights to do my story." Both women chuckled at my expression over that last one then Gran took my hand in hers and pulled my attention fully to herself.? "There's something here that you aren't telling us, boy.? I could always tell when you were holding something back, or lying.? Now what is it?" "Never could sneak anything past you, Gran," I agreed with a chuckle of my own.? "Yes, I did get another offer.? One that if I take it, claims they could actually repair my injuries and get me back out into space." "Do you actually believe that?"?Claire questioned.? "No one you've talked with in any specialty held out any real hope for anything like that.? You aren't going to take any experimental treatments are you?" "No, the process has been proven to work, and used quite a lot with very impressive results.? I've checked into that already." "But you're still hesitating," Gran prodded.? "Why?" "Have you ever heard of a company called Care Givers Corporation?"?I quietly questioned. "I don't think there are many people who haven't," Gran answered. ? "Then you know they only hire women for their space going enterprises, Don't you?" "I thought that might be who you were talking about with the offer that would repair the damage your body has taken."? Claire thoughtfully watched me for a reaction.? "But to do that, they'd rewrite your whole genetic makeup and you'd end up..." "Female," I finished for her.? "Yes, I know." "Do you think that's what you want to do?"? Gran questioned softly. "I'm leaning in that direction,"?was my honest answer.? "I just wanted to talk things over with you first." "You'll do what's best, dear.? I know that.? You always have."? Smiling at me she nodded.? "I could get used to having a granddaughter.? Might be a pleasant change from that rambunctious grandson I've had to put up with for all these years." "I've met a few of these Care Givers myself," Claire put in.? "They've all struck me as dedicated, intelligent, and well trained people.? It was also a pleasure to be around them, they always seem so warm and happy with themselves." "So neither of you would think I'd made a stupid decision if I go with this?" "Face facts boy," Gran said in firm voice.? "I know you well enough by now to wonder how long it would take before you couldn't stand being stuck on Earth and found a way to get back out there." "Then like you just said," Claire added.? "If the launch didn't kill you something else out there would because of your slowed physical reactions and other internal damage." "So," Gran finished succinctly.? "I would much rather have a live granddaughter I could be proud of than a dead fool of a grandson to mourn.? I'm too old to be burying grandchildren, Eric." "Point taken, Gran."? Holding out my hands in not quite mock surrender, I then gave her a hug.? "Thank you." "I think Stewart would be happier knowing you were back doing what you always did best, Eric."? Claire softly put in.? "While keeping that dream you both shared alive and moving forward.? Whatever you choose, I'll still be your friend, and you'll still be family." "What about the kids?" "What about them?"?Claire asked then shrugged as she smiled.? "To them you're an uncle, I don't think they'd have a lot of trouble accepting a pretty aunt, and if you go through with this, you would probably be more than just pretty.? I've never seen an ugly Care Giver, if you know what I mean." "I know, I know."? My answer was a little distant as I thought of Naomi. "Is that what you're going to do then?"?Gran asked point blank. "I think so.? I have a few more things to do before I make my final decision, but talking with the two of you has helped ease some of my worries." "You'll still be you, hon."? Gran chuckled as she tapped my forehead. "Just packaged a little differently is all.? Just so long as the you I love is going to be around somewhere and alive.? Really alive, I'll be happy.? The you I'm talking about is in here, not the shape it takes." "Thanks." We spent the rest of my visit with small talk about mostly inconsequential things.? Overall it was a very pleasant afternoon with my Grandmother, and Claire.? Jack and Dana had gone to Disney World for the day, but I planned to come back and see them within a few days.????? *??? *??? *??? * I walked back to Connie's from there, taking my time and enjoying the warm January day.? The sun was going down as I reached the comfortable bungalow and I went straight to the back yard, where I seated myself in a lawn chair and watched the stars come out. "Stew, I don't really know where you are now, but I hope it's out there where you always wanted to be."? I spoke to the night sky and wondering why I was doing it, but knowing I needed the closure it would give me. "I have one real chance at getting back out there where you know I belong better than I do.? You always did tell me I was the wanderer of our pair.? I'm sorry you aren't here for me to really talk to, and answer.? I miss you buddy.? A lot.? I'm going to make it, and I'll just have to hope you understand the way I'm going to do it.? I just have to be out there, reaching for things people down here couldn't begin to really understand.? Take care, my friend, and rest easy.? I'll see that Claire and the kids never want for anything they need.? No matter where I am." I almost felt as if I got an answer to that.? I'd never really thought much about where people went, what happened to them when they died.? But that night, I truly think my old friend was there with me.? Sounds crazy, I know, but that's what I felt at the time. "You're going to freeze sitting out here like that, you know."? Naomi's voice penetrated my reveries some time later and I became aware of the gooseflesh on my exposed arms, giving a little shiver as I did. "Thought I'd bring this out to you if you're going to insist on sitting here.? Supposed to get down into the thirties tonight." "Thanks."? Taking the jacket she offered, I shrugged into it, then gave the night sky with its spangling of stars another look.? "They're never quite as brilliant down here, are they?" "Atmosphere filters the real light they give,"?she agreed. "That isn't quite what I meant." "I know,"?came her soft answer.? "I take it you've reached a decision then?" "Yeah, I have."? Standing I tilted my head to take one more look at the sky.? "I belong out there, Naomi.? That's all there is to it.? I belong there not here." "Yes you do."? Her arm went around my waist and I put mine over her shoulders without thought.? Then looked at her.? "Am I forgiven, then?" "Not quite."? Her voice was again full of the warm humor I'd liked about her from the first.? "But you're getting there." "What's going to happen to us when I go ahead with this?"?I questioned. "Oh, so you think there is an us to consider here?" "I have to admit I probably don't deserve it."? My answer came out in a whisper.? "But I can still hope, can't I?" "Yes."? Her own voice was husky.? "You can.? We'll both be damned busy out there, but I'm sure we can manage to get together if we really want to do that.? Then we'll just have to see what happens." "Guess that's all I can ask, isn't it?" "It's all any of us can, hon,"?she replied pulling herself into my chest and placing a soft, but far from chaste kiss on my mouth.? "Now will you please come back inside?? Dinner is getting colder than you were." *??? *??? *??? * I slept with Naomi that night.? Really slept.? By the time I'd finished dinner, a wonderfully prepared meal I was too tired to really appreciate, and had been again led into the room she was using, it was all I could do just to get undressed and into the bed.? I woke once in the night, to feel her arm across my chest and aware of the warmth from her body against my back. ? *??? *??? *??? * Once my decision had been made, I felt as if some great shadow had lifted from my soul.? It was easy enough to send my polite refusals to the offers I had received, along with my appreciation that the senders considered me worthy of approaching.? I called Care Givers, and made an appointment for January 8th, 2103. That gave me all of four days to change my mind about even seeing them, but I didn't think I would. "Are you sure you want to do this?"? Naomi asked once I'd disconnected from the call.? "I made the appointment, didn't I?"? "Well, yes, but are you certain that it isn't simply your need to avoid being Earthbound making the decision for you?"? Her eyes were filled with concern as she watched me for a reaction.? "They'll ask you this when you interview, you know.? If your answer isn't satisfactory the company won't accept you even with the qualifications you would bring in once you signed on." "Let me put it this way to you."? I sat down on the couch that sometimes doubled as my bed and allowed a second for my thoughts to organize themselves.? "I'd noticed something lacking in my life for a while, even before the Argonaut disaster.? I'd accomplished all those wonderful things, made it to full Lieutenant, was a pilot and mission commander at thirty-five, and had the respect of my peers.? But I had no one to share that with, really.? Oh there were my friends, like Stew and his family, and Connie, but no real opportunity to share my success with someone special." "All right."? Naomi nodded with a tiny smile on her face.? "Go on, I'm listening." "Well, I met that someone special when a certain gorgeous redhead came to see me at Armstrong, and found that there were a lot more like her out there, constantly giving and working to make a stable environment for Humanity in the most hostile place imaginable.? Following a really bad gaffe with this lady, I had to stop and rethink what it was that I wanted to do with my life, and how I would like to do that.? The answer I came up with was a little shocking, but it makes sense in light of the emptiness I'd felt creeping up on me over the past few years." "All right.? I think I see where this is going, but you finish before I say anything about it."? She was giving me an odd look and there was the hint of an emotion I hadn't seen there before in those lovely emerald eyes. "Well, you see, I realized that with Care Givers, I could not only be out there where I truly feel I belong and contributing with my extant skills, I'd also be ensuring the stability of a young culture that I strongly believe is mankind's best hope for continuance.? Being female is far from a liability in that sense, it is a wonderful gift.? To not only help explore and stabilize a critical stage in the race's development, but with the chance to be one of the mothers of a new and forward looking culture.? That idea alone is mind boggling and gives me a feeling of contentment I haven't known for a long, long time." "Very eloquent, Eric."? Naomi shook her head and let out a long sigh. "The question I have for you here is quite simple, and you'll probably get that same one in your interview.? Do you honestly feel that this is the right choice for you?? Do you feel like you could do several hundred years at minimum with the things you've said here?? Are you willing to make that kind of commitment knowing that it isn't going to be close to easy on you, that you will have to make personal sacrifices in love, friendships, and ambition to achieve it?" "My personal dream is seeing Humanity reach the stars, Naomi," I told her quietly.? "I shared that with Stew McBain, probably the closest friend I'd ever had in my life -- Hell, we had to be close with the things we were expected to do -- and either one of us would have done whatever was necessary to see that goal reached.? Stew is gone now, but I'm still here, and I'll be damned if I won't do my absolute best to help that dream come to life and be this race's reality." "Good answer."? "It's the only one I have just now." ? "It's a very fine one, Eric."? Lowering her head a little then looking up at me with shining eyes, she went on, "I knew there was a reason I'd put up with your complaining, and self pity for so long.? I'm glad to see that you've moved past that and are looking at a future that could add a lot to our efforts to live in space." "A person can only feel sorry for himself so long before the self loathing shows up."? I answered her very slowly, careful to get what I wished to say phrased just right.? "I felt that point coming and knew that I'd reached the stage where I either did something to change it, or would die.? Giving up is not something I've ever done before this.? That I nearly did makes me feel about three inches tall, and I've decided that I'm not going to give up at all.? I'll fight whatever I have to, but I will not give up and let myself die." "You've convinced me."? *??? *??? *??? * I'd requested that NASA forward my personnel folder to Care Givers, and was informed that would be done.? I'd been involved in nothing sensitive, and information that NASA didn't want people to have was not included in those files, anyway.? I also completed the application forms, appending a concise resume, and sent that to CGC as well. The next day I received a call from Care Givers.? A pretty young woman came on the vid screen when I answered the phone.? "May I speak with Eric Chartrand?" "That's me." "Hold a moment, please, for identity confirmation,"?she responded with a wry little grin.? "We have to do that for the protection of prospective employees.? I hope you understand." "Not a problem."? I watched as she received the confirmation and returned her attention to me with a warm smile. "Thank you for sending us your application, and having NASA forward your personnel file along, Mr. Chartrand.? I'm calling to confirm your appointment on Monday, January 8th at 10:00 A.M.? You will be seeing Justine Sterling for your initial interview that day." "All right, I have that down in my calendar now, and thanks for calling."? I found myself returning her smile with more warmth than I'd really thought possible through a vid connection.? "I'll look forward to meeting with Ms. Sterling." "She is looking forward to meeting you, as well, sir,"?the young lady responded with another of those 24 karat smiles.? "You have a good day.? Bye." As the connection closed, I got the feeling that she'd really meant that sentiment, not simply been voicing a platitude. "I think I will, thanks," I told the blank screen before turning away to get back to reading through the Care Giver's literature again when the call came through.?