Cousin Waseem
- 2 years ago
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Confused, I Was!?! Part 3 free porn video
After a fitful nights sleep, I awoke with the same sheepish feeling I
had walking downstairs the previous evening on my way to facing my
mother after being caught by her wearing my sisters Capri pants, vest,
make-up and jewellery practising my picture perfect pose. Well I tried
it at least! although I think it would be safe to say, at that point in
my endeavours to be more feminine and womanly, I don't think I would
have fooled anyone, including Stevie Wonder! Though I have to say and I
don't know if this had anything to do with my hours of watching my
mother and sister getting their "faces on" but my make up techniques
weren't too shoddy, for a young boy! It all seemed to come exceedingly
naturally which in my mind was a true sign and indication of what was to
come surely? Well I like to think it was anyways.
I walked to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and the face looking back
at me, though I knew was my own, looked so very different. Same
features, same person, but different somehow. Even looking in the mirror
I was thinking about how I could possibly try a different style of
eyeliner to enhance and show off how feline my eyes could look! MAN I
SHOULD SO STOP! Why? Why? Why? I was in such conflict with my
feelings and emotions, I know I couldn't stop doing this and thinking
this way but for my mothers' sake, I really should at least try!?!
Right?
I got my uniform on and went down stairs. Mum was sat in the kitchen,
nursing her cup of tea, looking miles away whilst my sister sat there
painting her nails and readying for work. A deep plumy colour with a
slight metallic edge, hmmm, I remember thinking I would have gone for a
French manicure effect, much classier and more apt for daytime before
the "normal" side kicked in, No No No!! Stop thinking in such a way! I
looked at mum and decided there and then the best way to deal with this
was to brazen it out. "Alright mum?" I asked, mum looked up, smiled
before going into her usual fussing of me, trying to get me to sit still
and have breakfast before I left the house, "The most important meal of
the day!" she would always tell me. Even though my stomach was churning
I humoured her out of guilt and accepted her request to have some toast
for breakfast before school. She looked so tired and washed out. I
knew why, it looked like I wasn't the only one who had a fitful nights
sleep! Mum gave me my toast but I couldn't stay there, I kissed her
cheek, grabbed my toast and ran out of the door. I carried on running
until I got at least a block away from my house. Only then when I was
out of view and totally out of breath, I slowed down & threw the toast
at the seagulls.
Walking along the pavement, head down and hands in pockets, I thought
and thought and thought, the sight of my poor mother this morning. What
had I done to my poor mother? She so didn't deserve this! Could I stop
this for her sake? I suppose I had to. One thing was for sure, I knew
I was going to be watched like a hawk from now on which would make any
chances or experimentation extremely difficult and with that in mind,
did I really want to have that atmosphere at home? Did I want to put my
mother through more of this worry and anxiety? I couldn't do this to
her, it wasn't her fault she had an "abnormal" son, a "freak" as I am
sure, should anyone ever find out I would no doubt be branded as! And
let's face it, any boy who does this kinda thing isn't exactly going to
win "Model Son of the Year" is he!
By the time I looked up I was walking through the school gates. I don't
even remember the walk there being so deep in thought. I went through
the day, trying to concentrate on lessons, blanking any kind of thoughts
of anything other than what I was being taught out of my head, although
trust me, it much easier said than done!
The school bell rang for the end of the day and I started my walk home.
Half way there I had to walk through the park and gardens. The boys
from my class asked me to join in their five a side and I thought "Yeah,
why not, I love footy" I remember playing that game like a mad man,
running rings around everyone, I loved it. After a while of playing and
being absolutely shattered, I decided I had to go home so said goodbye
to the guys and walked back to my bag, off down the grass to the gates
at the far end of the park and on the road home. By the time I had got
home I was sick and tired of thinking. That was it. I couldn't keep
driving myself mad with this behaviour; I was going to go back to
normal, no more of this dressing up as a girl lark. For everyone's
sake, I had to try to be "Normal" at least.
The next few weeks passed and I can honestly say, hand on heart, I
didn't put a foot in the direction of Mum or Donna's clothes, make up or
jewellery. I even arranged to go over to my mates' house the night mum
and dad went out so I wouldn't have the chance or opportunity. I think
this came as a great relief to mum as she has been watching me so
closely ever since and was talking about not going to the local legion
dance as always because she said she was feeling "unwell!?"
Miraculously though, she started to feel better the week of the dance
once I had asked if I could stay at Kev's (My mates house) the same
night as her dinner and dance! Coincidence I hear you say, hmmm
possibly I suppose?!
As time went on, I managed to avoid any kind of opportunity I might use
to be able to dress or to be alone long enough to be able to do anything
remotely feminine. I knew my will power wasn't exactly strong, in fact
you could probably say where this was concerned and the breaking strain
of a kit Kat would have been much greater than my ability to stay away
from mums & sisters clothes or make-up. Hey! At least I can admit it!
During my every waking hour, though arduous, my urges and inclinations
were becoming more controllable and easier to reign in. The worst time
for me was dream time! Not so controllable, thought to be honest, I so
didn't try or want to try and reign them in. The trouble was, the more
I tried to resist temptations and resign myself to a "normal" boy's
life, the more extraordinarily wired and wonderful my dreams became. I
decided I could deal with the restraints of day to day life and boredom
as through my dreams I could live out my inner most intimate and deepest
desires. Again, you would be forgiven for thinking a few mucky moments
may have "arisen" so to speak and you would be right though possibly the
fact they came to the ummmm "conclusion" they did was more to do with
the fact of the way I imagined my own high heels sounded as they clicked
along the cold pavements rather than the heels being on the feet of a
rather sexy and seductive female. Unless you count me as that female,
dressed and to be honest, with my pins and slight figure, in a little
black stretch dress with sheer stockings and black heels, Oh Man! I Was
Hot!! Though not a dream but in fact a reality many years later! I
apologise, I digress, we will get there at a later date! Ha-ha.
Actually throughout the most of my childhood I carried on trying to
retrain any kind of thoughts or inclinations towards dressing or living
out my fantasy lifestyle choosing to try and do the things any "normal"
boy would do though at times, I will admit, I failed miserably. I
remember the worst time was when my sister had moved out of home but was
back in the area for a tennis tournament. In our family, we were all
very sporty as well as being quite academic, traits I have always been
quite proud of as a matter of a fact. She has called a few days
previously asking if she could stay over on the Friday evening as she
had a late tournament on Friday and an early one of the Saturday
morning. Mum was only too pleased to have her home for an evening and
arranged for a big family meal. It was a great evening with loads of
reminiscing and Donna, as per usual, loving the sound of her own voice,
was only to happy to fill us in on her new house, job and in general
what was going on in her life. Things were so jovial and enjoyable she
offered to take mum and dad out for a drink; they accepted only too
happily being swept away in the happy ambience of the evening and
wishing that to continue. I was doing my GCSE's at the time so thought
I would get some cramming done whilst they were out and I had some
peace!
Off they went out of the door laughing and joking as they went, I hit
the dishes and got them done before going up the stairs to my bedroom to
study some before the exam the next day. After an hour or so, I went to
the bathroom and was just washing my hands when in the mirror, something
white caught my eye. I did a double take as we didn't have any white
towels that I was aware of though mum was forever replacing anything she
thought was growing slightly old or used. Much to dad's despair at
times! Mum was a stickler for things matching and all of ours were
peach to go with the colour of the bathroom (thinking about it now, I
wonder if that was why I loved being in the bathroom so much, what with
the peach fluffy soft towels, pot-puri, the floral smells of the
products mum used to use?!? Food for thought I think, definitely!)
I went over the towel rail to dry my hands and saw what the whiteness
was, having always been inquisitive and nosey (another female trait I
have always possessed!) Draped over the second rail down was Donnas
white polo T Shirt. I knocked it off the rail as I used the towel on
the rail above it to dry my hands and as I went to pick it up off the
floor, I noticed there were pleats underneath the t-shirt. It was her
tennis skirt. I picked them both up off the floor. I folded the skirt
in half and the t-shirt and placed them back over the rail before going
back to my room.
I got as far as opening the bedroom door before turning on my heels and
going back to the bathroom. I locked the bathroom door behind me and
tore at the clothes I was wearing, throwing them off, wherever they
landed, they landed! I was fixated with that white t-shirt and skirt.
I stood there naked before walking over to the towel rail. I picked up
the t-shirt and felt the material between my fingers. I slid my arms
into the t-shirt and pulled it over my head, down my back, feeling the
cool cotton glide across my warm skin. As it went over my head I could
smell Donna's deodorant, the sweet, talc like aroma and her perfume.
She also still wore the same fragrance she wore when she was at home,
Escada, I loved that aroma, it bought back memories instantly of
watching her applying her make up, getting ready for nights out with her
friends, getting ready for dates and then memories of sliding into her
outfits. I remember so vividly how even the clean clothes in her draws
smelt of her fragrance.
I went to slip into the tennis skirt but realised I needed a pair of
rather restrictive knickers or the skirt was never going to lay
straight! If you get my meaning!! I would have said boxers but I so
didn't want them, need them or go for them. I left the bathroom,
listening as I reached the top of the stairs for any signs of life
downstairs,
Silence!
Excitedly I almost pranced into mum's room, straight to her knickers
drawer. I opened it and removed a pair of white embroidered cotton
panties before spotting her matching white bra and without even thinking
I grabbing it before running back to the bathroom, bolting the door
behind me. Almost frenzied, slipped the soft white cotton up over my
legs and felt the cool embrace of the cotton against the skin on my
buttocks and the clasping of the fabric against my most intimate parts!
My goodness I nearly made a mess of those panties there and then!
I wish I could explain the wash of absolute ecstasy that washed over me
in the most serene and relaxing way. I pulled up the t-shirt and
fastened the brazier around my rib cage before adjusting it to the right
way around and slipped my arms out of the t-shirt, through the shoulder
straps of the bra and back into the polo shirt. Needing to complete the
look by wearing the skirt, I grabbed at the pleated skirt with the
fastening on the front of the tennis skirt, one button, then another
button on the inside of the waist band, I wrapped the white pleated
fabric of the skirt around my waist line and fasted the buttons back
again. The skirt was snug but I managed to fasten it. Either Donna had
been on a diet or I needed to look at going on one!!! I didn't care how
snug that skirt was. I went over the mirror, looking at myself in that
pristine white tennis outfit, the cups of the bra, although empty,
giving me some breast shape, the skirt synching in my waist and the way
the pleats hung straight off my hips. I twirled and felt the fabric of
the skirt swish against the bare skirt of my thighs. My pants were
straining at the seams! Yet they were containing me enough to allow the
skirt to hang in the correct manner.
Looking in the mirror I smoothed down the t-shirt and skirt like I had
seen the girls at Wimbledon do. Turning side on in the mirror so I
could see my silhouette, the outline of MY breast shape (enhanced nicely
by a couple of mum's socks that I had found in the bathroom, scrunched
neatly into balls) and the way the skirt hung off my ass. I looked at
myself straight on and hardly recognised myself. The smile on my face,
I couldn't remember the last time my face had lit up so fully and I
smiled so freely and so broadly, well I could but that was a very
distant memory and one I had tried to suppress time and time again. I
have to say, my smile wasn't the only thing that was big about me. The
sheer excitement and arousal, in itself was excruciating, I had to
relieve myself and Oh My God! That night I found out the true meaning
of the sayings "I thought I was going to explode" and "The Earth
Moved!" I so know now where they came from. Wow!!
My legs buckled from the release and I slouched to the floor. I sat
with my legs to one side and caught my breath. My head feeling light
and completely dizzy from being so pent up and the absolute release that
had been building for what seemed like forever, though to be honest, the
last time I had ever felt so sexy, sensual and turned on was, thought I
found it hard to admit it myself at the time was when I last dressed in
my sisters lingerie and clothes, wow. Those Capri pants and vest, her
make up and jewellery, I just remember thinking back to it and even
after the most explosive release ever! Feelings and stirrings I so
didn't expect to be able to feel again so soon!!!!
The strange thing though, after such an amazingly frantic build up and
complete release was the fact all I wanted to do was get back into my
jeans, t-shirt and trainers?! The guilt that flooded through me for
thinking the way I did, feeling the way I did. I just wanted to shower
and get back into my every day clothes. How could something that had
felt so right and so very natural, comfortable and right now feel so
seedy, freakish and wrong?
As I stood in the shower with the hot water raining down on my face and
all over my body I was struggling with every thought that ran through my
head. Struggling with the realisation that, I more than loved what had
just happened. Only once before tonight had I ever felt so completely
comfortable, happy and relaxed. That wonderful and hideous night being
so totally entranced and encapsulated by my dressing that I hadn't
realised my mother was at the door and had caught me in my sisters room
wearing her clothes, make up and jewellery. She had told me it was a
phase and that I was going through and that I would grow out of it. I
had tried to fight any likings, feelings and inclinations towards
dressing in such a way but I realised tonight, this is something I have
to face, I like dressing in women's clothes, I like looking like I
woman, feeling like a woman. And what's more, I wanted to feel that way
again, not just once every now and then, I had to feel like that way if
not permanently then more often than not. It was time to make a
decision that I had tried to avoid for so many years, one that was going
to change my life and the way I was to live,
forever.....................
Vera
- 25.06.2021
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