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Him-Lady and She-Males Chapter 1 I hurt. It was nothing but pain in my groin. I looked up and saw the ceiling tiles. I must be in a hospital. I moved and groaned. I saw my mother come over to me. "Hello dear. I am so happy to see you again." She had tears in her eyes. I could tell now that I must have been here for a while. "What happened?" I said. "You had an accident dear. A truck hit you while you were on your motor cycle. You have been in a coma for three days now. I thought that you would never come out." She started to cry. Mom never cried. It must have been some accident. "Why do I hurt so much?" "I'm so sorry dear, but you were so badly hurt. You almost died. Your dad and I had the doctor do something just to keep you alive. You broke so many bones and other things. You just rest honey; the surgeons will want to see you now that you are awake." I heard her but I could only think of the pain in my dick. "Mom I'm hurting so much." My mom's actions were almost instantaneous. She moved her hand and pressed the call button. "I will get the nurse in here to increase the pain medication for you. The doctor said that you can have as much as you need for the next week to help with the pain." The next week, but I had to play football next week. I was the quarterback. The team depended on me. "But what about the game I was to play this Friday?" I asked. "I am afraid that you won't be playing anymore football dear," she said. "Your injuries were just too great." "What happened to me?" I asked. "You lost your penis and other things love," she said. I fainted. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I woke up in pain. I could see the ceiling tiles above me. I groaned in pain again. However, the pain was a lot less. I saw my mom in a chair next to my bed fast asleep. On my chest was a big button. It did not take me long to figure that it was to call a nurse, I pressed it. About two minutes later a nurse came in. "Hello what can I do for you?" the nurse said. "Could you give me some more pain medicine? It still hurts a lot. But not near as must as last time I woke up. So a little more would make it enough so that I can stand it, please?" I almost begged. As she moved toward the bedside, she said, "The doctor said that you are going to hurt for a couple of more days. So I am going to give you just a little more. If that is not enough you ring me again and we will keep giving you more each time. But you have to know that you're going to hurt for a while." "Thanks. How long have I been out?" I asked. "You've been here for about a week now," she said. "Did I really lose my dick," I asked. I just had to know. "Who told you that?" she said while she was changing the drip on the IV. "My mom said it when I woke up last time. So what happened to me?" I asked. "Well don't you think that you're mom or a doctor should tell you what happened?" she said. "I know that your right, but I just need to know that, please." "I'm not supposed to tell patients things like that, but yes you had a lot of surgery down there. Did your mom tell you that you almost died? I know that there was nothing left, so they couldn't save it. You were in surgery for almost 14 hours. You need to talk to your mom. Let me wake her up for you. She has not left your side for almost a week now. I am sure that she wants to talk to you first." She moved around to mom and touched her on the arm. Mom moved with a jerk and opened her eyes at once. She glanced at the nurse and then looked at me. A smile was on her face at once. "Good morning. How do you feel?" she said. I know that she did not want the real answer. Mom was always so polite. "I am hurting a lot still mom, but the nurse just turned up the pain medication so I don't think its going to hurt so much in a couple of minutes. The nurse woke you because she wouldn't tell me what happened to me. She said I had to ask you." I looked at her hopping what she said was not going to tell me what I already imagined. "You had an accident honey. A truck ran a stop light and you hit it," Mom said. "What happened to my motorcycle?" I had to ask. I spent all last summer working to earn the money to pay for that cycle. It was my pride and joy. "The trucks insurance company said that the bike is totaled. You father has been talking to them. Their insurance is going to pay for a replacement bike. They also said that they are going to pay for all of your hospital bills for you to get well. The truck driver was drunk on the job. We are very lucky for that. The hospital bill so far is in the tens of thousands. You are in exceedingly bad shape dear. Your father thinks that the only reason that you survived was since you were in such great shape from playing football. Don't be concerned about your bike. You need to be worried about yourself. The doctor said that it is going to be a month before the cast comes off and longer just to walk and then run again. So all you need to do is just contemplate getting well." I could tell that she was both nervous and very worried about me. Mom was like that. She was always disturbed about people that needed help, about food, clothes, or anything else. "The nurse said that she couldn't tell me what was wrong or what happened. I don't remember much of that day. I just remember getting up to go to school and even that is fuzzy," I said. "Well according to the police reports, a truck ran a stop sign across the main street that you were on and hit you from the side. That must have been what broke your left leg and arm. Then you must have flown about twenty feet and hit a metal post that was standing up. It went through you from the bottom up. There was nothing left down there for the doctors to fix they said. They had to remove your penis and testacies. Then your father and I with the doctor's advice determined that the only thing that they could do, was to make you look, operate and function like a girl between your legs. I am so sorry dear, but it was all they could do. You were so lucky to just be alive." She was almost in tears. She did not tell that dad and her had decided not to make me genderless. Mom held out to do only a partial sex change operation into a female. She always gets her way. The doctors wanted to go all of the way and add breast. Mom wanted to have the least necessary until I got better. Then finish the rest later. After all, she knew that breast could be added at anytime. Moreover, at 17 and on the football team I was already to large to ever look like a real dainty and demure lady. The doctor wanted to add D size breast, what ever size that was. I knew that mom would always do the best for me. I sometimes didn't like it but I knew that mom did love me and looked out for me. "Is it permanent?" I had to ask. "Yes dear, it is. You might be able to get a false one made, but it will never function right. It will just be a false piece of flesh there with no feeling to it." I had wanted to know if I would ever be able to wank off again. But I was not going to ask anyone that question. So I asked next question that came to mind. "What's going to happen now?" "You're going to spend time in the hospital. You're scheduled for some special training for a couple of months after you are out while you adjust. Then it is go back and finish high school to get your diploma. Playing football in college is not an option anymore for you. Lots of football players get hurt and are not able to play anymore. Consider yourself one of them that got hurt and cannot play anymore love. I'm really sorry, I know how much that you love to play, but you are going to have to find something else now honey." I felt that there was something that she was afraid to tell me. It was as if she was skirting an issue. I knew that no matter what this thing was that she wasn't willing to tell me. I would never get it out of her no matter what it seemed. Nevertheless, it was important and upper most in her mind. It was time to change the subject because I was not going to get anywhere this way. "What is this special training that I'm going to have to have?" I said. "We'll discuss that with the doctor today when he makes his rounds," she said. Bingo! "But what is it that I have to strengthen that takes two months of special training?" I asked. "Not now." I could see the tears well up in her eyes again. I think that I found what the issue was, it was about the special training, and something broke and they were not telling me about. "What broke that you're not telling me about?" I had to ask. I was never one for keeping my mouth shut when I should. I was sometimes told that for such a smart guy I never knew when to keep my mouth shut. "It's nothing that is broke dear. The doctors think that all of your bones are pinned together and that you will be walking soon. You are even scheduled to start therapy to strengthen you're legs in two days. The doctors are feeling good about the way you were coming along. The only problem was that you were in a coma for a couple of days. Then when you came out of it, they have just kept you drugged and asleep to avoid most of the pain. But the doctors said that you are coming around better than they expected after so bad an injury." She was smiling. That worried me more. "If nothing is broke then why do I need all of the special training? I'm good at getting in shape. After all you and dad gave me the garage for a work out room with all of the physical fitness equipment that I could want." "You dad has already stored all of that equipment in a Public Storage garage so that you wouldn't hurt your self by overdoing it. We know how well you are and good at training muscles, and how easy it would be also, fore you to hurt yourself working out too soon. You are going to have to make some changes now Alvin. You are going to have to learn that you can't do all the things that you use to do." "But mom the coach has taught us a lot about how to build up your muscles after an injury. I know that I can do it," I said. "That is exactly it. You cannot build up your muscles again. Your condition means that you can never build up your muscles. You are going to have to learn now to how to make your muscles flex, bend and be limber, not strengthened. You are going to have to take acrobatics, and worry about how much you can flex and be graceful now," she said. I was getting tired but I knew that I had to find out what the special training was all about. Graceful? "But then what is the special training for if it's not to build up muscles?" "It's to teach you how to act like a girl," she said with some finality. "But I'm not a girl mom." "You are now. The operation made you one. That is what the special training is all about. It's how to act like a girl. You have been a boy for 17 years. But you are not a boy any more. The operation has changed you into a girl. Now you have to have special training to learn to be a girl. You have to learn in two months what a girl learns in 17 years. It's not your fault. But you have to learn to accept and coop with it." "You have lost your dick; just think of your self going into the locker room at school and stripping for a shower with the new pussy you've got." I had never heard mom speak with language like that. Moreover, she was getting mad. To say the least she shocked me. "But mom I'm a guy. The other guys will understand that I had an accident," I said. "No they wont dear. They will beat you to a pulp or even kill you in some back alley. The difference between a man and a woman is a fine but defined line. You have crossed that line. You are a woman now. Like it or not you are stuck with it. The special training is to get you to accept it and live with it. It is going to be harder than any training for football than you have ever done. We have spent hours and hours with the physiatrist with her telling us all about it." I just looked at mom. She had to be crazy. There was no way that I was a girl. I was the quarterback for the football team. I was not the most muscle bound guy in the world, because I needed to be quick on my feet. There was no way I would ever look and act like a girl. "Mom I'm a boy. I know that I have had an operation because of the accident but that doesn't change who I am," I said. "Yes we know that dear, you are still you, but we are all going to have to work on it. Your father, you, and I are all going to have to work on it. No one likes this honey, but we are all going to have to work at it." "But I'm not a girl mom." I was not going to be made into a girl simply because of an accident. "Yes sweetheart, we know that's how you feel. Nevertheless, people were born either a boy or a girl. In your case, you have been reborn into a girl this week. We all know that you are going to hate it for a while. Nevertheless, you do not have any choice in the matter, no one does. After the bandages come off and you look at what it is between your legs, what do you think that you will see a boy or a girl. If you see a boy between your legs then you are a boy, but the things that make a boy a boy are not there anymore. There are girl things down there now, and that makes you a girl. I think that you need to think about it for a while now honey. We know that you are going to have a hard time with this change. We have taught you for 17 years that you are a boy and now we are all going to be faced with the reality that you are now a girl. You can act like a boy, but that is not what is best for you. So special training has been arranged to help you accept that you are a girl, and to teach you the things that girls need to know." She finished while looking at me. "Before the other procedures and operations are done." "But mom I'm a boy," I said. "Yes Alvin, we know you think that, but you need to think about what the operation did to you. We did not have a choice, and now you do not either. It was either change you into a girl, or let you die. We love you to much to let you die. Departing this life was not an alternative, now or in the future. Alvin, look at me. We know that you might try to suicide in the future. No one wants that. Your father and I and many other people are going to be around just to help you. We know that you are tough. But how tough are you? Are you tough enough to see this over and done with? Playing football was easy, compared to what is going to happen to you in the upcoming future. Football was only physical. This is going to be mental. It is going to break you apart. Are you resilient enough to take it and give more just like in football? Can you do it? Look at me Alvin. I want your word of honor that you are going to survive this. I want your word that this surgical procedure is only a set back to yourself as a person and that you will triumph over it, just like you would any football accident. Can you give me your word that you're tough enough to succeed?" "Yes mom," I said. "No I want a yes mom I will survive and I will succeed," Mom said. I said, "Yes mom I will survive and I will succeed." "Do you mean it?" "I don't feel like it right now mom," I said. "Yes Alvin, that is the point. You are not going to feel like it a lot for a while. But everyone knows that, and everyone knows that you are able to. It is OK to not feel like it, but it is not OK to fail. We have been talking to the physiatrist for the past week. We know that it is going to be a hard voyage for all of us. Especially for you because we have for 17 years been molding you into a man's man. Now very rapidly we are going to have to make you into a girl against everything that you know to be right. Nevertheless, I know my child, and I know that my child can do it because we have taught you to be tough and successful. Now you have to be tough of mind, more than body. Do you understand me? This is what the special training is going to be about. It is more than you will be able to handle alone." "Yes mom I understand you. I don't like it but I understand you," I said. The wonderful thing about mom was that she had always wanted to know my feelings about things. We both understood that we could agree to disagree as she always put it. "OK the first thing is that you are no longer Alvin, you are a girl and there are no girls named Alvin. Therefore, your father and I have decided to name you Alice. It's close to you're name but Alice can not be considered a boys name and you are a girl now weather anyone likes it or not." "I don't want to change my name," I said. "Yes dear, nobody wants to have to make you change your name. Nevertheless, the truth is that you will be a girl now, and you need a girls name, do you know any girls named Alvin? If you do than we will leave you with the name Alvin." She paused for my reaction. "I didn't think so. Therefore, the physicists said that the first thing that you have to do is change your name. Alice was the name that we were going to call you if you were born a girl. Well you are now reborn 17 years later a girl. So now on your name is Alice. Welcome to your new world Alice." We then talked about all of the changes that dad and her had been making for my own good of course. She wanted me to know what was being done and why. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * No one saw the doctor come in while we were in shall we say heated discussion, about the things that had to be done. None of which I wanted and all of which my mom said had to be done. Painting my room pink and getting rid of all of my male clothes and stuff was under discussion. I had agreed to paint my room pink in exchange for keeping some jeans and t-shirts and starting to wear some female pants and shirts when she told me to, but not skirts yet. Not that I had any say in the matter, as she pointed out, She could just have put nothing but dresses in my closet when I got home. Therefore, I was happy with the slight consideration of my mom. I was happier with not doing the complete emersion and getting tits as was suggested by the physiatrist. At least for a while as she laid it on the line that all my male cloths would be going at some point in the future no matter what I said. The doctor wanted to look under the bandages. I wanted to look also so he had me call for a nurse. When the nurse got there, he sent her back out for a mirror so that I could see 'it' also. "What you are going to see is a lot of swelling. Everything is going to be black and blue. It is like looking at any wound before it heals. So don't expect much. However, I think that seeing all of the stiches and that we had to remove your penis will help you accept the new facts. I know you do not like the results, but keeping the penis was not doable. There was not enough to build even stub of one. So we took the nerve endings and tucked them inside you." "Please don't go out and have sex next week, but one of these days you will be able to. Moreover, you will be able to feel good physically about it. Now you can hear the bad news. We had to rearrange your plumbing. You are going to have to keep this new opening, wide open by sticking something inside yourself a couple of times a day for a few months and massaging yourself. It is going to be painful for a couple of weeks or more. You have to do it because it is where you also pee from now. After a while it will start to feel better. After a few months, you should be able to even climax from it. I bet that is good news. However, I cannot guarantee it. When you came in, we were more worried about keeping you alive from your injures than anything else. The part of the operation to change your plumbing was more of a cosmetic nicety after we knew that you would live more than anything else. I know that you will be seeing the physiatrist for a long time. Listen and learn from her. There have only been a few cases where young boys were forced into being young girls against their will because of an accident. Those people have had a very hard time of it. You mother has been fighting for you to be made aware of what is going to happen to you, usually, your not told until it is forced upon you so that you do not spend time worrying about what you can not change. So listen to your mother, she knows you better than anyone else does. Don't try to worry about things that you can not change, you have enough to worry about with the things that you can change." "You are progressing better than we had ever hopped. You conditioning for playing football might be what saved your life. My only advice is to give up riding a motorcycle. It has been bad for your health. "He smiled at his own joke. "I'll see you when I switch the bandages but everything looks very good." I had looked in the mirror and it had looked like I had been through a meat grinder. There was hundreds and hundreds of stitches down there. It was black and blue from almost my knee to the middle of my belly. I had never looked at a real girl's pussy, so I had no idea if that was what one looked like or not. I hoped not. After the doctor left I said "Mom the doctor said that this has happened before. Do you think that there is a local support group of the people this has happened to?" "Well we can ask the physiatrist when you meet her." "Mom how often do boys want get changed into girls?" "I have been told a lot more than people realize. A big problem is that most boys that want to change into girls cannot afford it so they get changes made that are visual features first. The operation that you just had is much more costly than many of them can afford. When you get home, you will have a lot of time on your hands. You can go onto the internet and find out your answers. You will find that most of them are not exactly beauty queens I bet, but it might give you the support group that you want. I do not think that you will find anyone that has had the operation that did not want it. That is to uncommon, they would also hide because it would be to embarrassing for them." * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * I started daily physical therapy. The first time I stood to walk, I passed out. Physical therapy was painful but I felt like I was getting somewhere. By the end of the week, I could walk with crutches. One of the crutches had a platform to be strapped to my broken arm. The best I could do was a slow hobble. I was always glad for when I got back to the room afterward. Then the day came when I was finally able to go home. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * The doctor had come in very early that day to take off the bandages for the last time. He warned me that the stitches would stay in for weeks still. He also said that I would always have scars on my belly for the rest of my life. Lastly he said that a nurse would visit me at home for a while and teach me how to take care of myself now. My mother finally came in with my clothes. It looked like a girl's skirt and blouse to me. I knew that I did not have a choice as to what I was going to wear for a while. The physiatrist had made it clear that she wanted me to be only wearing skirts for the next couple of years until I became acclimated to being a girl. Moreover, rebellion would only cause the skirts to get shorter, tighter or more feminine in some other way. Therefore, I was glad that my mom allowed me a skirt that looked like baggy pants to cover just the cast that were still on my upper legs. The blouse buttoned up the wrong side, but it was still white and not pink. Mom had assured me that she did have some very lovely pink blouses if I did not behave to go with some mini skirts if I was not thoroughly good. I did not know if she meant it or not, with the smile on her face, I was not going to test her. I had to take the wheel chair ride out to the car. I never understood why you had to ride out in the wheel chair if you were able to walk or in my case hobble on your own. It seemed to me that if you needed a wheel chair then you should be going into the hospital, not out of it. Getting into the car was another matter. I had to sit first and then slide in until I could get my legs in. I was not limber enough to get in like I use to with the cast on. Mom said that from now on I would have to get in bum first, and then slide in my legs like a lady. This was another one of those female rules that she had for me to follow. The first one was that I had to sit on the toilet to pee. As if I now had any other way of doing it anymore. Standing up with my new plumbing would not be any fun. So this was just another rule to add to the books. I should have been numbering them. There had been so many of them that I lost count. Nevertheless, mom had not; she was constantly catching me with an "I told you that you have to ... like a lady does it" * * * * * * * * * * * * Chapter 2 When we got home, dad and mom were all smiles. It was as if they had something up there sleeves. They were going to enjoy this, which meant that I was not going to like what ever it was. Dad opened my door and helped me out with the comment of "Well you had better get use to gentlemen opening the doors for you now young lady." I struggled into the living room and was already tired. Mom said "Come on down to your new room Alice." I would never get use to that name. However, I followed her as best I could while still in my two-legged cast and one arm cast banging against the hallway here and there while using my crutches. Mom was waiting by my bedroom door with her hand on the doorknob. She was obviously waiting for me to get there to open it for some big surprise and surprise it was. It was a pink-pink bedroom. The walls and everything in it was pink or white with pink trimming. My single bed was gone and a double sized four-poster bed with a pink thing on top was in its place. It had lace streaming down from everywhere it seemed, both white and pink lace. I knew that mom was waiting for a big "I love it" from her new daughter. So I said, "I like it" as it was the best response I could do. Then I could not avoid it. I asked her as I was going in, "OK, now where's my bed room at?" "This is your bed room now Alice. It is just as the doctor ordered. Your dad and I made this room for the new daughter that is in you. You might not like it today but it was meant to grow on you and help you become accustom to the new person that you are now." Mom never missed a beat. I guess that mom was like all mothers everywhere. They always secretly want a daughter and mom had the one in a million chances to have one now. Thinking of the most boyish thing I could I asked, "OK mom, but where do I put my latest pin up posters of the bikini clad girls?" Mom never even gave me a socked look, "Well if you really want bikini clad girl, then I guess that we can get you a couple of micro bikinis, then blow up your pictures, paste them up around the room, Alice. That might be a very good idea, then I know that my daughter will not be having any boys up to her room. Of course you might be careful of who you invite to a girls sleep over up here, because it might seem that you are a little self- centered snob and stuck up with all of your pictures over the walls." Mom had that way about her. "But mom didn't you always want a beauty queen for a daughter?" I asked back. "Yes Alice, but not a slut, or a daughter that would not wait until marriage to lose her virginity. So why don't you just think about being a shy little girl for a while, and not running off to the woods with every boy that smiles at you." "But ma, you gave me the equipment for it now, didn't you expect your new daughter to use it, to sleep my way up to the top in the world now?" I teased back to her as we had been doing for the last week. "But Alice, a girl that gives it out, has to give it out time and again just to stay popular, but a girl that only gives it to that one special man that's going to take care of her for the rest of her life will never marry one from a one night stand. One-night stands are for one night, which is why they call them one-night stands. You're just going to have to be a good girl and wait until that night in shinning armor sweeps you off of your feet and takes you away to his castle." "Yea, I've heard about those guys, they always are looking for a girl to clean the kitchen, make the beds, wash the windows, vacuum the house, clean out the fireplace, chop the wood, cook breakfast lunch, and dinner and clean up the dishes," I said back. "You forgot changing the diapers, washing the clothes, mending the socks, paying $300 dollars worth of house bills on $200 a month that your loving husband gives you while he is at the local bar getting drunk. And then at the same time he's doing all of that and more you always have to look sweet, demure and sexy, ignoring his affairs while he would kill you if you looked at another man. And, oh did I mention at the same time being pregnant nine months at a time. In addition, you have a dozen children for him so that he can ignore them and run off with the secretary. Then you have to make sure the kids all go to school on time. You have to take your boys to their football games and the girls to ballet lessons and a hundred other activities. Then in your spare time between midnight and four in the morning, you have time to keep peace between them while they are all trying to kill each other. Make the boys clean their rooms, and keep the girls from being boy crazy and always being on the phone." She said while smiling back at me. "Well being your new daughter you could avoid the last by just getting me my own phone, after all you know how much girls love to talk and talk for hours on end about nothing like this," I said. I had been going around the room. I noticed all of the girly things that my mom must have loved shopping for and buying. Many of the things were still in the packages. Like, I now had a Barbie doll. It must be something that every girl wants and gets. I had a dozen different dolls and magazines like 'Sweet Seventeen' for girls. I had a full-length mirror on my door now. I looked in it. I still looked like myself except in girl's clothes. I knew that mom, dad and the doctors had already made plans for me getting breast at some time in the future. In addition, I guess that they were planning many other things that they were not going to tell me until it was time. I had figured that out from the sessions with the physiatrist at the hospital. She was very good at changing the subject and directing the conversations to where she wanted, especially anytime I had asked about what was going to happen next in the physical appearance department or future medical operations planned. I was a football player, but I was not a stupid lineman that just had muscle. Quarterbacks had to think, fail to think and you never complete the play. I needed to start thinking of this like a football game. Everyone was against me. Most of them had to it because it was their job. Others were going to do it because they loved me. I knew that they did not have any options left before then did this operation. The physiatrist had once shown me some of the X-rays and pictures. I was a mess. She once described injures I had they were worse than the pictures. It was now time to learn about this new game I had to play. I did not know if I had to play along with them, or if I could learn to play my own game with my own rules, but I could not do anything until I learned more of the rules that I was playing under right now. "Mom where is my computer? I don't see it," I asked. "Well it didn't fit in with your decor so your father took it down to his office and put it in the closet, why love?" "Since I can't do much for a while, I wanted to look at the internet and see if there were support groups like we talked about. And I figured that the best first place to look was on the Internet. You said that there were boys who had a choice to change to girls. I want to get in touch with them and see if they have a group going. That should be OK shouldn't it?" "I don't know Alice, we should probably ask you're physiatrist if that's a good idea right now?" she said. "But mom, I can read a lot on the Internet all day long, while I would only see the physiatrist a couple of hours a week." "OK we are going to have to get you're dad to set it up. I do not want you bending or moving much. You could still hurt yourself internally and not know it. Therefore, if you promise that you will sit in the easy chair and work on the computer I am sure that it would be OK. So let me go down and talk to your dad about it while you rest a moment." Mom was gone, so I lay back in the bed and rested. I must have dozed off because the next thing I knew mom was back in the room with me. "You're dad has the computer set up in front of his easy chair. Now you can sit and relax while you surf the Internet as much as you want. Just remember to not forget to do that thing that the doctor wants you to do down there." "That's disgusting mom. Do I have to do it?" I asked. "Yes, if you don't do it, it will close up and you will have all kinds of other problems Alice. There are a lot of disgusting things that girl's do that you are going to have to learn now." After I had done my duty, dad knocked at the door. He came into my room and told me that the computer was set up and he had checked it out online already. So all I had to do was go and sit down. He wanted to help me the first time into the chair to make sure that I was not going to pull any of my stitches, or have other problems. * * * * * * ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Thirty minutes later, I had found out a lot. Boys who wanted to look like girls all of the time, and were always dressing and looking like girls, were called She-Males or sometimes Lady-Boys. Did that make me a Him-Lady, someone who thought I was a boy but with girls body parts, and wanted to dress like a male? Well not all girls body parts but the most important part down between my legs. She-males had the appearance of being a girl complete with breast most times, but still had their penises, where as I looked like a boy, but thought that I was a boy and had a pussy. However, girls do not get penises when they change to be boys. It comes close, but it is nowhere near the same from what I had read and personally know. I spent the next four weeks until my cast came off reading on the internet. I found www.fictionmania.tv and just could not stop reading the stories. I knew that the stories were mostly fiction but they had a built in truth to them. They told of the heartache that I was going through in reverse in many of the stories. In addition, I learned about a lot more in She-Males tales. She-males were guys that wanted to look like girls except for what you could not see under their skirts. I wanted to be a male and looked like a male except for what you could not see under my skirts (or pants if I could talk my mom into it) and opposites attract maybe I should meet some she- males to see if it would happen. Then we would both have the right equipment to do what it is that people do (not that I would tell my mom about it). I spent two hours finding out where they possibly meet. There were only two places around me that I thought they could. They were both gay bars. At 17, I was under age for a bar. Therefore, if I wanted to go I would have to get my mom or dad to go with me and talk someone into letting me in. I had never been to a bar before, but there was no time like the present to find out what it was like. "Mom I want to go to a bar that I've found out about," I said. "But you are too young to drink or go to a bar Alice. It's not the kind of place that I want you going," Mom replied as I had expected her to. "Mom this is a special bar. It is where some people who have had sexual reassignment surgery done to them and are most likely found. I want to talk to others that have had it this surgery done or will have it done to themselves in the future." "Can't you find another place Alice? I can not believe that a bar is the only place that you can find them." "There might be other places. This is the only place that I have found. Hence, I want to go and talk to them. They would be the best ones to know about another place where younger kids my age could be found if there are any." After about three hours of talking to mom and later also dad, they finally agreed that it might be something that I needed to do. Wednesday I started to get ready. I was going to wear some male clothes. I got me a pair of jean and a t-shirt. I could not have looked more male except for how well the jeans fit in my crotch. I was tempted to put a sock down there as I had seen done in 'The Best Little Whore House in Texas'. I decided that was not what I wanted to say. I wanted them to know that I had SRS down there already. My mom had called the bar and explained my accident and that I needed to talk to some of the people that were transsexuals or transgender. She told them that I was a post-op but still needing to get breast and female hormones started. I was near by as she explained it all. After about 15 minutes, the manager said that if we came down early Friday so that they could check us out then they would see about it, but they had to protect the clients at the bar also. I could not wait until Friday. Friday at 3:00, I was dressed and ready to go. I dressed in my jeans at the last moment. Mom did not like me dressed like that. She almost made me change and would not go if I was dressed as a male but she could not talk me out of it. We left at 4 o'clock to get there in 30 minutes. We arrived at the bar. It looked better than any bar that I had ever seen. It was not run down outside but was very clean. We started to go in but the largest man I had ever seen encountered us at the front door. "I am sorry the bar is closed now and does not open till 6 p.m.," he said after we had knocked and he opened the door for us. "We are here for an appointment with the manager, he is expecting us," Mom replied so politely. He looked us over and said wait here and I'll check with him. After about five minutes, he came back. "Come on in and sit in that booth over there, He'll be right with you as soon as he is able." We went to the booth and sat down in silence. It must have been about 15 minutes before a very well dressed gentleman came over and looked at us. "At first when I heard your call I couldn't believe that something like that could happen to someone so young. It is the first time in fact. It must be a very rare occurrence indeed. Still nowadays, no one can keep track of the millions of operations yearly anyway. However, I see here a nice young man. Would you mind if I ask for some proof before we go any father? I still need to protect the people that come here." Mom started "We didn't bring any...." I interrupted her "If we could find a place to let me drop my pants I think that the visual proof would be enough wouldn't it?" "Are you willing to do that kid?" he asked. "I figured that I was going to have to prove myself tonight at some time or even a couple of times to people to get them to believe me. "OK I'll believe you for now, but later I do want you to show me the proof if you don't mind." "I mind, but I am glad that you are asking for it. It means that you are going to protect me also afterwards. I feel better about it the more I think about it," I replied. "Thank you. Then we can wait for the proof. For now what can I do for you and how do you want me to help you?" he said. "It is easy; I want to talk to some she-males, those that are in the process of converting to being girls or the appearances of girls. I think that it would do me good to see how others are handling the mental changing of ones sex change. How have they been handling it? Although they are all willing and wanting to change, and I am not, it is the way that everyone has wanted me to proceed from here. I know that I can never be male again but I do not want to be turned into a girl either. In the long run I want to make friends with them". However, I was really thinking that I might want to make one of them my girlfriend, but I would not tell anyone that. If one or more of them were never going to have the final operation or had changed their minds and did not want to finish. I read that some did not want to lose all of their male parts. They just lived like a girl on the outside and have sex while being a male. "OK let's go back here and let me see the proof. If you are as you say you are then I'll talk to one or more of them as they come in and see if they want to talk with you for a while." My heart just about exploded with that news. "Let's go." As I was getting up, so did mom. "You don't have to come with me mom," I said. It was the manager that said, "Your mother should come. You should learn never to be alone with any male. It is always safer for a female to have company no matter how strong you seem to be. You might think that you can take care of your self, but not against a set up for a gang rape. That's one of the many things that you're going to have to learn real quick about being female now." We went into a backroom that was very close to our table. He closed the door and stood against it so that it could not opened. I faced him then unbuttoned, unzipped and dropped my pants then slid my panties down to my ankles. He looked at my man made pussy and then back up to my eyes. "When the kitchen open's I'm going to have them send you dinner on me tonight. You just sit at your booth and wait until I or one of the girl's comes over and talks to you. Now turn around." With that, he opened the door and was gone. I was ashamed but I knew that this was going to have to happen. I just wondered how many more times I would have to show my new pussy and confirm that I was no longer male but a Him-Lady. I looked at mom and she seemed to understand my embarrassment. I saw it in her eyes. After I had my pair of pants back on, and was ready to go mom came over and gave me a hug. "I don't like you having to show yourself like a common slut to a man like that Alice." She said. I cringed at the Alice part. I do not think I would ever get use to that name. Showing myself to another male was not that hard. I had been undressing in front of other boys in school gym for years. But not undressing as a girl. It felt a little strange. Mom and I left the backroom and went back to the booth we were in. A few minutes later a person came over with water for us and said, "The waitress will be right over". When the waitress came she said, "Good evening my name is Susan. The manager told me you are to be given a free dinner and then free drinks all night long. However, the kid is not to have any liquor, only soda pops. So what is it that I can get the two of you?" Mom said, "I'd like a coke if that would be alright since I'm driving." "Can I have a coke also please?" No use passing up free drinks I figured. Mom said, "I think that we both should make that a diet coke." Susan said, "I'm sure that diet cokes would be fine. I'll get them right away. And I hope that you have a good evening since I'm told that you will be here all night." I realized that Susan was smiling, not because she likes us, but because it was her job to smile. She was more likely upset that she would not be getting the tips from people coming and going all night long from this one table. Susan probably made more in tips than she was paid as a waitress. * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * After the waitress left mom said, "Did you know that the waitress use to be male?" "No, Susan looks like a woman. How can you tell that she was not always a woman mom?" "I won't tell you what to look for right now Alice. I want you to try to see for yourself who looks like a woman now. You can then see that after you change all of the way, people cannot tell what you use to be unless they know what to look for. I am glad that you came here now. This will be a good education. I can see that you will be able to see in this place many people that have crossed the boy-girl line. I am sure that you will see many men dressed in women's clothes tonight. Not all of them will look like real women. Nevertheless, you will have trouble telling who is, and who is not, a real girl Alice. I did not mean to say it that way. What I meant was who was born a girl or boy. The physiatrist told me what to look for so I will tell you who has or not changed after you have guessed. Even with the hints that she gave me I will not always be one hundred percent sure. It will be an eye opener for you Alice." "Mom can we change sides. I think that that side would have a better view of the bar, and I have to be honest, I want to see more." "Sure Alice. I was not even thinking. Lets change sides of the table so that you can see who comes in the door better, and what they look like. Your first impression is important. Now you have to remember that this place will have a lot of people dressed really weird also." After switching sides, we talked about nothing for an hour. We watched people working to get ready for tonight's customers. I watched Susan and could not tell that she used to be male. There was nothing about Susan that I could point to and say that makes her a male and not a female. She was mostly blond and slender with a female's big bottom and narrow waist. She wore some makeup and light tints in her blond hair. She had so many things that said she was female. She had the hand and rear movements of most of the girls that I knew in school. She had red polish on her fingernails, which were not really long, but longer than my moms were. I thought that her dress was very short, but she had beautiful legs inside nylons. She caught me watching her once, then winked at me, and smiled. There is no way that a guy would wink like that to another guy. It was weird if Susan was really a guy. "Mom, Susan just winked at me. Another guy would never have done that. She cannot be male. How sure are you?" "Alice, this is a bar where all of the guys are going to wink at all of the other guys. So do not be surprised at that. I could have made a mistake Alice. However, I do not think so. Do you see now that changing to a girl would mean that people could not tell? After you finish the process of changing over to being a girl, you will look like a girl and no could tell. Only people that know what to look for will be able to tell that you were not one. There have been wives that did not tell their husbands for six months after they were married that they use to be male. You have already done the hardest part Alice, now you need to see the results of when you finish converting. Tonight should be a real eye opener for you." Mom continued to talk to me for another hour. She kept using Susan as an example of how a man would look as a woman. She told me to study Susan and see if I could tell her why she knew that Susan was not a natural woman, but started as a physical man. She also said to watch her movements so that I could learn to copy them. Susan was female as far as I could tell. Susan came back to the table with the standard waitress pad in her hand and asked what we wanted to eat tonight. She suggested we get the house special for tonight, which was pot roast. Mom suggested that we both get a Caesar salad. Mom got her way tonight. Susan reminded us that the manager had told her that the meal was on the house tonight so it was all right if we even had a steak dinner. However, mom said, "The manager is already doing more than enough for us. Alice and I have to start watching our waist and weight now." The waitress did a double take and looked at me. "Are you Alice tonight?" "Don't I look like an Alice?" I said. "No Hun, you look more like a Bill or Jack but you're to well built for being a girl in boys cloths," Susan said. "But it's what you feel in your heart that's important, but people will always think of which gender you are by the way that you're dressed." "Will I can't fool you that I'm a girl dressed like this then, can I?" I said "My names really Alvin". Then I looked at mom and said, "I guess that I should have worn a dress tonight mom." Mom said, "I guess that next time we come you will have to show Susan how you look in a nice little black cocktail dress with high heels Alice." Susan said, "Sure thing Hun, next time come in a dress. No one here will think anything about it. I will have to warn you to watch out. Because some of the older men just might try to get a date with you. A date that ends up in his apartment. If you know what I mean." "That's exactly why I'm here Susan, at least until Alice knows how to take care of herself as a girl around men. She doesn't know that men only have one thing on their minds." "It's not like I don't have any experience knowing what guys are always thinking about mom," I said. "They are always thinking about Football of course." Then I gave a big smile to them both. "That is why you always find them in front of the TV during Monday Night Football games with a beer and pretzels." Both Susan and mom giggled on that joke. "I'll be right back with your Caesar salad's girls," Susan said as she slid her pad into her apron and left. Mom and I spent another hour discussing the pros and cons of me out in public in a dress, or at least dressed in girls clothes. I saw all cons and mom saw all pros. She said that we were getting rid of my boy jeans and getting me some that were girl jeans. The only difference was going to be a better fit and that girl jeans had a little better style and design to them. It should have dawned on me that mom had a plan of giving me a big butt and curves like any other girl. The salads came as we were still discussing it. Or rather as mom was still discussing it and I was trying to get a parole delay until I had more of a girl figure. Which I had no doubt that mom was anxious for me to get, and I was just as anxious to avoid. I started to wonder if mom already had me on girl hormones in one or more of those pills that the doctor had proscribed for me and I was taking twice daily. During our meal, the bar started to get a few people in. A lot of them were guys that just stood or sat at the bar. The bar was long enough to sit about 30 people. Most people would sit at a table, while others would get a drink at the bar and then move to a table. Most of the customers were single men, and most of them were talking to each other. There were a few male and female couples, and quite a few female couples. One or two single women came in also. Some of the girls looked like men in dresses. As a result, I guessed that some of the girls were also men in dresses, but some of them were actual girls looking for other girls. It was just confusing. I keep trying to figure out who was who like mom said I should do. I noticed one table in the middle of the room that started to have a group of women. They were all knockouts. They all were all very young and beautiful. It was apparent that they all knew each other and was having a fun time together. They would get up and talk to some of the other people in the bar, both guys and gals, but would always seem to come back to their own table after a while. The manager came over to our table. "I have asked some of the girls if you could join them for a little while. I have told them about your condition and they agreed that they would not mind talking to you at all. So if you are ready I'll introduce you." "Mom could you please stay here for a while and let me do this on my own," I begged. "I don't like it but OK, but you don't leave the bar for any reason Alice, OK," she demanded more than asked me. "Yes mom I'll stay in the bar," I said. I got up and followed the manager. He went right to the table of the really your beautifully women in the middle. My mouth must have dropped at some time while going over there because I noticed it was open and closed it just as we got to the table. "Ladies, I'd like you all to meet someone. I think that you need to have a nice long chat with this young person. Alice is going to go through a very tough time in the near future. You all know the problems that Alice is going to face and should be able to steer her in the right direction. Unlike all of you ladies, she did not have a choice in this. So if you would not mind sitting here Alice I'll send Susan over with something for you to drink." He pulled out a chair and waited for me to sit down. Then just as if I was already a girl, he scooted the chair in for me. "Hello Alice, I'm Janice," said the girl on my right. She was about five foot four inches and drop dead gorgeous. She had blond hair just past her shoulders. She had a dress that was very short. It showed very nice black nylons that cling to her long legs. Her face was what wet dreams were made of. Her voice was very soft, melodious, and in a low seductive key. I could not believe that she was ever a he, which was just what I was looking for. "Hello Janice I'm Alvin." She looked at me. "The manager said that you didn't want to, but that you had to become a girl. You sure don't look like a girl to me." "I'm not a girl; I think that I'm a Him-Lady," I said. "What's a Him-Lady? I've never heard of such a thing," Janice said. "Until a month ago I had never heard of what a she-male was. Then after reading about one, I decided that I must be a Him-Lady. If a she-male is a man that is trying to look like a woman, then I'm a man that has already lost it and has a pussy but still wants to look like a man," I said. "You mean that you don't have any male parts down there," Janice said. "That's right. They had to cut them off after the accident, and then they did a SRS to replace it with a girl like thing down there," I said. "Are you telling me that you have a pussy?" Janice said a little louder, and some of the other girls looked up at me. I was red faced, but I knew that I would be for a while every time I admitted it. "Yes," I simple said. As Janice looked at me, her eyes started to get a little bigger and her jaw opened up a little, just enough to show her perfect teeth. "You're shitting me," she said. "I don't believe you that just does not happen." "I have come here willing to show you if I need to," I stated. I had already made up my mind that I was going to have to do that more than once tonight. "How are you going to do that?" Janice asked. "The manager used a backroom just inside that door. Lets you and I go there and then I'll show you. But on the condition that if I do then you have to show me that you are a she-male." "We do not like to be called she-males Alvin. We are all girls. Some of us are waiting to get the operation that you had and some of us will never want to. It is the last operation that some of us get, not the first thing. You have rather gone through this backwards. But I have got to see this one, let's go see." Four of the other girls stood up. "Only one, I'll show Janice and Janice can tell everyone else that it's true so that everyone will know that it's true. Then I need to talk some more please." The blond haired girl across the table said, "That's not fair we should all get to see." "I agree it's not fair, and I will probably end up showing everyone at some later time. But right now I don't know any of you and it's embarrassing enough for me as it is." I knew that I was turning red saying this. It was not easy to do what I knew I had to do to get to be a part of this click. I turned to Janice and said, "Let's go Janice before I chicken out of this." I got up from the table, and pulled out Janice's chair. I then made my way over toward my mom who was watching me. I noticed her and pointed to the back room. She nodded that she understood, but keep her eye on me, and Janice also I bet, measuring her up. We went through the door and into the room. It was empty so after Janice was in the room I closed the door. Then I noticed that it had a lock. Therefore, I locked it and then turned to Janice. I unbuttoned then unzipped my pants and let them drop to my ankles. I was wearing girl's panties and I saw Janice smile as she saw them. I pulled them down to my knees. She looked at my crouch and them back up to me. "You were telling us the truth, weren't you?" "Yes, I've been going through hell for the last month. You could say that this has been a big blow to my male ego. Before this happened I was the Quarterback on the football team. And then to wake up and be half girl was not easy." "Yea, but you woke up being the most important half. Most of the girls would die for being able to get that operation. We all have to live at least a year before the doctors will even consider doing SRS on us." "But you want to be girls really bad. I don't. I still want to be a guy. I think you can see the problem. If I stay looking like a boy on the outside, then go into the guys locker room, I will most likely be raped. If I am not raped in the locker room then some guy will beat me up after school for having a pussy. I also do not look like I could go to the girls locker room at all now could I? If you haven't noticed, I don't have any breast, or curves like a normal girl. The girls would most likely beat me up as I entered the door. You can see my problem. It is just the reverse of yours I bet. You can't go to the guy's locker room because you'd be beat up as a fag because you have breast, and you can't go into the girl's locker room because of the boy bits still between your legs." I started to pull my panties back up and then my jeans. "You know that in our group, every girl is going to want you to strip and show her. What you have is what most of us are all wanting and can't get. Usually we can't afford it." Janice said. "Well I might be willing to do that later, but I have to admit that I'm here under false pretences." "Oh, what are those?" "Well I figured that I am half boy and half girl wanting to be a boy, and you are half girl and half boy wanting to be a girl. Normal boys and girls have the other half of the world to find mates. However, as I am now, there are only a small number of people that I could relate to and have as friends. I'm not ready for a guy to screw me, but that might happen some day but not today, I'm not ready," I said. I continued before she could say anything. "I want a girl friend. So for now I wanted to get to know you girls. It might be a step in the right direction. I might get luck and get laid by one of you, or rather as the guy; I might get to lay one of you ladies. The equipment would work the way I am put together now. But the mental anguish would be less than the way my mom wants me to go. Which is to start wearing dresses and become a girl?" "So that's your mom out there that you waved to," Janice said. "Yes, she has been told to watch me like a hawk. They are afraid that I might commit suicide because if losing my dick and then given a these girl parts. And to tell the truth I am a little afraid myself because this is hard to take thinking about being the quarterback, and then having to go to a senior prom in a formal dress with a guy, and getting screwed afterwards, instead of doing the screwing. This is making my world shake up more than a little you might say." "Yes you might say that Alvin. OK, let's get back and I will tell them that you lost your penis and have a pussy now and see where it goes from there." "So does your mom always call you Alice?" "Yes the physiatrist was instant that I only be called Alice. She is not too happy that I called myself Alvin tonight in front of the waitress." "What do you want to be called?" Janice asked. "I want to be called Alvin," I said. "OK then Alvin, you're now my date for the evening, I like guys and with your pants on, your all guy to me, fair enough for you?" Janice stated. "Janice how come you and the other girls are so beautiful, I mean you are better looking than any of the girls at school, yet you are a guys?" "Alvin, I'm a girl, I was just born with the wrong body. So do not ever call me a guy again. Is that clear! You are going to have to learn about the type of girls that are at our table. Calling them guys will make them get very angry very quick. So be careful what you say. Just remember that we are girls," Janice said, and I could see that she was had gotten mad. "Janice I don't want to make anyone angry. I just want to know that I am talking to the right kind of person that I need right now. I mean the right kind of physical person. Weather you are a girl or not I would kill to be your date. You are so beautiful. Thanks for taking pity on me and doing this." "Alvin, it's no pity. I like you. I like both men and women. You are both. I like the both about you. I guess that this is going to make me the first tri-sexual person," Janice teased. "Now let's go see your mother and see if I am an acceptable date for her daughter tonight." "But I'm her son, that's the whole problem." "Well from now on you're her daughter when you are dating me when we are standing in front of her. You have a pussy in this relationship when we are in front of her. Then after we are going out, then I am the girl with a pretend pussy and you are the boy with a pretend dick and then everyone's fine. Is that OK with you Alvin?" "I guess so Janice." I unlocked the door and started out when she took my hand and followed me out. We went directly to moms table and she pushed me in across from mom and sat down on the outside of the booth then pulled my hand up on top of the table and laid it there with her hand still holding mine. "Hello, I'm Alice's special friend tonight Mrs. Johnson, how are you." Mom looked at Janice a little shocked. "Alice, what's going on dear?" Mom said. Before I could say anything, Janice said. "Well Alice just sweeps me off my feet, and so I decided to have an evening with her tonight. Since I am into girls you don't have trouble with that do you Mrs. Johnson?" Before mom could say anything, Janice kept rambling on. "Besides, it's a girl only party tonight at our table, so I have decided to bring Alice over so she could talk to the rest of us girls, you know how it is with girls, and we would just never get enough of talking about cloths, makeup and of course boyfriends. Girls like Alice comes along once in a million years. I am sure that you wouldn't mind her partying with us tonight would you Mrs. Johnson?" I saw Janice wink out of the corner of my eye, the corner of my eye that was mostly watching Janice anyway because she was still a sight to watch. And without a breath, Janice continued. "And besides I'll bring her back here so that you can take her home with all of the lovely dreams of dresses, and proms and stories of boyfriends that we're all going to talk about this evening. You don't mind that I steal her away for the rest of the evening now do you Mrs. Johnson, Thanks Mrs. Johnson you're a million," she said as she was sliding out of the booth and pulling me behind her. I followed her back mystified as to t