ACTING RESPONSIBLY by GENEVA
In 1900's England a young Italian man is changed and inserted into
rival business family to spy on their trade secrets. Things do not go
according to plan but a great actress is born.
The character of Grandmother Angela Santini is a minor character in my
earlier story "REQUITAL".
START
Throughout the meeting my attention had been wandering with the whole
tedious business. I began to daydream, mainly on how I would become a
famous actor. I would receive the adulation of all of my audiences and
the press would be filled with articles on my talents and performances.
I would meet princes and kings. Then a nudge from my Aunt Vittoria
brought me out of my reverie and I forced myself to pay a bit more
attention, just as my grandmother Angela rose to her feet.
The occasion was the Santini family's annual social/business gathering
and everybody in the family was there, as was the tradition, and
moreover, expected. It was supposed to be entirely voluntary, but with
tradition and my grandmother's personality, a full attendance of the
family was advised, except for illness. I looked round. Apart from my
grandmother, there were her two sons, my uncle Emilio with his wife
Anna, and Uncle Sergio and his wife Fiorella. Then there were the two
girls, Aunt Vittoria, with her husband Mauro, and Aunt Maria with her
husband Henry. My mother had been Constanza, the youngest sister, but
she and my dad Alberto had drowned in a bizarre accident on the Mersey
some years before. So, along with my two younger sisters Graciela and
Maria, I lived with my grandmother.
My grandmother cleared her throat, took a sip of water and began to
speak. She looked fairly severe in her widow's black. Previously she
had loved colourful clothes and had only reluctantly taken to black
after grandfather Julio died last winter. These annual spring
gatherings reviewed the family fortunes, something like an annual
business report of some big company to all the shareholders, except
that we were all one family. Since my grandfather and grandmother had
come to England from Italy and started in the caf? business, their hard
work and drive had expanded the family business from the original caf?
in Bristol to others in Swansea, Liverpool, Birmingham, Liverpool and
Manchester. My grandmother ran the shop in Liverpool.
My uncles and aunts looked at grandmother expectantly, but the
grandchildren were not so intimidated, and their parents had to hold
onto them to shush them despite their grandmother's indulgent looks.
Young children were indulged, but after a few years the family's work
ethic was driven home and all were expected to work hard.
My grandmother had now been in England for over forty years. A year or
so back she had told me she was only eighteen when she left Italy. She
was originally from Genoa and Grandfather Julio had been from Naples.
When he died she had mourned him, but then set about running the caf?
chain with renewed vigour. All of the family were expected to play
their parts, but there was no doubt who was in charge.
Almost all of the aunts and uncles who had married into the family were
of Italian stock but had been born in England except for Mauro, a
distant relative of my father's from Turin. Uncle Henry Thompson was an
Englishman, but when he had married my aunt Maria he had been put in
charge of one of the shops. He now spoke quite good Italian, if a bit
colloquial. He joked that he had needed to learn it to survive in our
large family. My own dad, Alberto, had not been as involved with the
caf? business. He had shown an early flair for art and had started to
make his name as a portrait painter, or so he said, before he died. I
wished that he had been concerned with the business more so that I
might move into a good job in the chain of shops, something like a
supervisor until I got my acting career underway. I really had no taste
for actually serving in the caf?s.
I looked round the room at all of the women. All were formally dressed
and all over fifteen or so years old were obviously corsetted, judging
by their distinctly indented waists and rigid posture. The men too
looked very stiff and formal with their high starched collars and
starched cuffs protruding from jacket sleeves. Maybe too it was their
attempt to appear proper Victorians. Despite being Italian and proud of
it, my grandparents had not attended the Roman Catholic Church, but had
joined the Church of England. I never did find out the exact reason but
I understood it was something to do with past events in Italy before
they emigrated.
I began to sense some concern among the family members with what my
grandmother was saying. Then Uncle Emilio rose too, and began unrolling
a number of charts and graphs. I groaned internally. He was the most
serious of the family and I swear he lived just for studying accounts
and ledger books.
It seemed that the chain was doing well. Yet, not well enough. A rival
chain, run by a Vecchio family right here in Liverpool, was taking more
business than my grandmother thought they should. This was Victorian
England, at the height of its powers and the English had discovered a
taste for cafes, teashops and ice cream, which my family, among others,
was only too happy to supply them. So, while our profits were rising
quite nicely, it was not enough. The Vecchio family just seemed to
have taken the initiative and their two caf?s were becoming the place
to go to for sweet toothed Liverpudlians who wanted fancy confections.
We took pride in the quality of our ice cream and it was a big
favourite with customers, but Uncle Emilio said we obviously needed to
improve in some areas of our operations.
My grandmother paused for a drink of water and held up her hand to slow
the questions.
The first and most obvious was from Uncle Sergio, suggesting we
increase our business hours. There was a groan from some. They already
worked long hours at the shops.
Maria suggested more advertising and Mauro suggested bringing out a
larger variety of ice cream and confections. All ideas were discussed
but my grandmother eventually held up her hand. "Yes, all of these are
good suggestions and we will look at them and try out the most
promising ones. Some are obvious, but I have another solution in mind."
The audience waited expectantly, but my grandmother shook her head.
"It's a secret at the moment. But I have some plans. I will report on
them next year."
There were a few half-hearted protests, but the earnest mood of the
meeting had changed and people only wanted to relax and settle into
the anticipated large family meal.
I could swear my grandmother was looking at me when she said that she
had some plans. It was little of my concern. I hoped to get a good and
easy job. Maybe supervising some pretty and nicely figured young girls
as they served the customers, that is, until I was able to take up what
I really wanted, to be an actor.
The business meeting broke up and the family drifted into the enormous
dining room and settled at the long table to the large meal with
Italian wine, of course. Again, this was traditional. Grandmother had
once prepared all of it herself, but over her half-hearted protest my
aunts all pitched in as grandma was getting on in years. After the
meal, the men went to the large sitting room and over coffee and cigars
talked about the business, current events and the progress of the
various football teams that they supported, while the women tided up.
Being almost a man, I sat with my uncles and I listened to their talk.
I was glad I was not involved in the tedious washing up, yet the women
seemed to enjoy their time away from the men. Among the clatter from
the kitchen I heard laughter.
After dinner it was getting late and it was time to get the younger
ones off to bed. Soon it was the turn of the adults and I was about to
get ready too when my Uncle Emilio took my arm. "Jacopo, Your
grandmother has something she wants to say to you." His face looked
drawn and my Aunt Vittoria was with him, biting her lip. I wondered
what was wrong.
My grandmother had just come down the stairs, no doubt after checking
on her youngest grandchildren and smothering them with kisses. She
beckoned to us and led us into a small study off the living room. It
was the main office for the chain and filled with books and records of
the business.
She pointed to some leather chairs and we dutifully sat down. I was
puzzled that my aunt took my hand, squeezing it nervously. My
grandmother sat down right in front of me.
"Jacopo, you heard our business discussion? You were paying attention?"
I nodded. "Yes, grandmother."
"Then you know that I have plans to find out about our competitor's
business?"
I wondered if she was going to have me spy on them. That would be
exciting. It would be better than having to serve in a shop and pretend
to smile at the throng of customers.
" Jacopo, I have discussed this with some others in the family." At
this my Uncle Emilio took my hand as well. I felt it shake nervously.
"I have thought of a way to get information. It will be a great task
for you. You are what? Sixteen now? I want you to spy on them."
"I am ready," I cried. "Just tell me how." I was pleased that even just
on the verge of manhood she would entrust me with a task.
"We are coming to that."
" But why me?" I wanted to hear her say it was because she had
recognized my own talents.
She looked at me sternly. "Two reasons, Jacopo." Now an intense glare
flashed through her eyes. "I think that you are lazy, and that you do
not seem very keen on working hard in our shops."
I tried to protest but her glare silenced me.
" I know I have spoken to you about your laziness in the past, myself.
You should remember that your grandfather Julio and I came here forty
years ago and with hard work and thrift we have made something of
ourselves. You, on the other hand, seem to think that the world owes
you a living. So, if you are not willing to work hard in the shops, we
must find a way to get you to help in our family businesses. And one
that may get you used to hard work. You must learn to act responsibly."
I shook my head. "I am not lazy," I cried. "It is just that the
work...... is so boring! Besides I intend to be an actor. I am too
intelligent to work in a cafe."
"I grant that you may be intelligent, and for what I have in mind for
you, it will be to your advantage if you are a good actor. You will
need that ahead of you. The other thing is that you owe this family
something. For your life."
I looked at her in puzzlement.
"You remember about two years ago you were run down by a dray horse?"
I winced at the memory. I had been badly injured and yet I had made a
very speedy recovery.
"You were badly hurt. In fact you were about to die, but do you
remember what I did?"
I tried to think back but I only remembered vaguely her attentions. I
did not know I had been so seriously injured as that.
"Yes, you were about to die, but, I might as well tell you, I read a
magic spell to you that healed you. I saved your life. Now you owe me.
You owe the whole Santini family a great favour."
I shook my head and laughed at her. " Magic spell? There is no such
thing as magic!"
She raised her eyebrows. "Tell me. Last year there was a bad epidemic
of diphtheria. Dozens in the city died. Did any of our family die?"
I thought back. I had lost a friend, a neighbour on the street, but our
own family had not been affected. Or had it? Two of my younger cousins
had come down with the disease, but after a hurried visit from my
grandmother they had recovered rapidly.
I still shook my head. This was nonsense! Or was it? "Well what do you
want me to do? Even supposing there is a magic book. What would it be
used for anyway?"
"We are going to read a spell to you, one that will make you into a
girl of your age."
I sat bolt upright in shock. I jerked my hand away from my Aunt
Vittoria who began to weep softly. "What?" I screamed. "What? A girl?
This can't be! There is no such thing as magic and anyway, I utterly
refuse! I am a man! I don't want to be a girl!"
"I tell you. If you do this, and I assure you it will only be
temporary, if you are still set on being an actor, the family will
support you fully for while you are learning the skills of an actor and
use its influence afterwards to help your career in acting."
I thought about it, probably for only a few seconds and then shook my
head, vigorously. "No, this is just ridiculous. Even if it did work, I
cannot even consider living as a woman. And what would be the purpose
anyway? What good would that do?"
"It is the Vecchio family, who own the other chain. We have heard that
a relative of Alberto Vecchio died in Italy. The relative's wife was
already dead some years and their daughter, a girl of sixteen, is going
to come to live with then in England. We want you to take her place. "
"But she will only speak Italian!"
"Ah, but you speak Italian well. I have noticed that you have a good
ear for it and with just a little bit coaching you could take her
place."
"What about her? What would happen to her? What is the girl's name?"
"Don't worry. She will come to no harm. Her name is Maria Corrieri. She
does not know any of the Vecchio family here, and they have only seen
some photographs of her. I had a family connection speak to her in
Italy and she says that Maria has no particular wish to come to England
and I can have that person offer her work and accommodation. So you
could easily take her place. You are also the same age as her."
I still shook my head. "No, what you ask is too much, even if it were
true. I do not want any spell cast on me. What if it is permanent?"
My grandmother leaned until her face was close to mine. "Lazy, self-
centered boy, if you do not, I will cast you out from the family and
you will have make your own way in the world. I assure you that the
spell can be reversed. We ask you to do this for only about six months.
All you need to do is report to me regularly about the Vecchio family
and then you can have your male body back and you can get on with your
acting career. Remember, we will support you in your training as an
actor if you do this."
That was a good inducement. I wanted to be an actor, but I knew that
even with my talent that the first years could be financially difficult
until I made my name. "Please, can I think about this?"
"Yes, but you must tell me tomorrow."
That night I discussed it with my Uncle Emilio and Aunt Vittoria. After
my parents were drowned they had taken an interest in my sisters and
me. At first I accused them of using me, but both denied it. Emilio
took my hands in his. "No, Jacopo, you must do this. You are the best
person for it. If you want to make your own way in the world, then go
ahead and refuse, but if you want the family's support you must do
this. You have a duty to help the family."
I cried at him. "My father was an artist, a painter. He made his own
way without magic being forced on him!"
"Yes," he said. "Your father did indeed make a separate life from the
caf? and ice cream business as an artist but he did not use the
family's support."
"I want to be an actor," I said petulantly. "The family should help me
be one!"
"If that is what you want I will make sure the family helps you as much
as it can. The whole family would support you, but, if you want them
to help, you must do this."
I barely slept that night, wrestling with the idea but I came to the
realization that I had no choice unless I wanted to be utterly on my
own. The next morning I spoke to my grandmother and told her I would do
as she wanted.
"Jacopo. I may have threatened you but I am your grandmother. I would
not do anything to hurt you if I could see another way or if it could
be avoided. I do not ask this only to punish you but to show you your
responsibilities in helping the family and to show you that you are
capable of hard work. As an actor too you will need to work hard. I see
that you already have shown a flair for the dramatic! Now I will show
you what I propose and how we will go about it."
She fumbled in her bag and lifted out a small silk bag, opened it and
revealed a small book. "This is a book of magic spells. I assure you
that they all work. The book has a skin cover, human skin I have been
told. And see, look at the writing in it. I know it is written in
German and in a Gothic script, but these are instructions. They tell
what the spells can do, such as curing illnesses, healing broken bones,
fixing and straightening limbs. I used the spell for broken bones that
time you were run down by the dray horse. But here at the end," She
opened the book close to the end. "This is the spell that I will use to
make you into a girl. And just to reassure you, after that, there is a
spell that will undo the effects of the first. The words of the actual
spell make no sense. They are not in a language that I recognize, but
if the words are sounded out there is an effect."
She seemed deadly serious and I began to get worried. What if the spell
did work? I thought of my future and plans. Well, it would be only for
a few months. It might be good practice of my acting skills.
"How does this work?" I asked.
"I read the spell to you and in a few minutes you will start to shiver.
Then you will become unconscious while your body undergoes its changes.
When you wake up in a day or two you will have the body of a young
woman the same age as you are."
Almost automatically I clutched at my groin. That would disappear. I
would be a girl?
My grandmother must have read my thought and gave a fleeting smile.
"But Grandma," I asked. " Won't you be changed too? Does it have an
effect on women?
"Yes, it does. It makes women more beautiful, but of course, that
effect is not nearly as severe as that on men. You will become a
beautiful girl and remain so as long as you do not use the reverse
spell."
"The girl I am to replace. How will she meet the Vecchios?"
"There was just enough money left for her family to pay for a passage
on a boat from Naples to London. One of the Vecchios is to meet her at
the London Docks. We will sneak you into the disembarking area when
the boat docks. You will mix with the passengers and then you will be
picked up. You will have her identification. I have seen a photograph
of the girl and I think you will look very like her when you are
changed. The Vecchios have only seen a poor quality photograph anyway.
"What about my hair? It is short compared to my sisters."
"Yes, we cannot help that. It will eventually grow, of course, but if
anyone asks you will just have to say you cut it short for convenience
in traveling. They will then take you from London to Liverpool, by
train, I expect. Once you are there, you can spy on the Vecchios, and
send me information on their profits and any future plans, anything
that may help us. You can write me letters. Send them maybe from the
main railway station, but make sure no one sees you do that."
"Are you sure this is a good idea? After all, I would not know how to
behave as a girl."
"Well, I think your aunt and I can do a good job of teaching you a
woman's role. The rest of your relatives will not be told about this.
Your sisters will be told that you are away for some months. Oh, there
is one more thing. You may have heard about it. I am not sure how to
phrase it, but all women bleed from their private parts for a few days
each month. I don't suppose you know about that?"
I was too embarrassed and shook my head. I actually had heard of women
bleeding, but more as idle snickering of schoolboys. The subject had
never been brought up in my own family, as I suppose I would have been
to young anyway for them to tell me. I had never been sure whether it
was true or not. I felt faint and staggered slightly. I did not like
blood, and to be faced with that each month? "No," I said hoarsely, my
mother never told me."
"Well, you are now sixteen and you are barely a man. But a girl that
age will have matured faster and will have the body of a mature woman.
So be prepared. At times like that women use pads to absorb the blood.
I felt like being sick.
" We will show you how later as we have delayed too much. It is time to
start! We will use an upstairs bedroom. Follow me! Vittoria! You
should come with us as well. Emilio, you will say here! Well out of
earshot."
With a pounding heart I followed her upstairs, my aunt behind,
sniffling slightly.
"I will make sure were are not disturbed. Jacopo, you should undress.
If you are shy about being naked you can put on this dressing gown.'
I went behind the screen, hesitatingly, still filled with doubts,
removed my clothes and put on the dressing gown. She had given me a
woman's one. I was now feeling numb, in apprehension of what was before
me and its unknowns. I thought of running out, but then the thought of
being forced to be out on my own and in a precarious existence kept me
in the room.
"Lie on the bed here, Jacopo. Now I will read the spell to you. Are you
ready?"
"Yes" I croaked. My mouth was dry with terror. Then I wondered if this
was all some joke to frighten me. Surely there was no such thing as
magic? My grandmother had the book in her hand. "Here, this is the
spell I will use. Oh, just to show you we are serious, see this dirty
faded cover on the book? I have been told it is human skin. Apparently
it is needed for the spells."
"Human skin? That's horrible! Where did the book come from? How did you
get it?"
A brief look of pain passed over her face. "I got it from a criminal
who had used its powers to make money. I suppose some things he did
were good, but others were pure evil and many people suffered. Before
him? I do not know where the book came from. The spells are not in any
language that I know. Now, we are delaying. Are you ready?"
I nodded, but I was too frightened to say anything.
My grandmother opened the book, put a marker at a page near the end and
began to read carefully. I thought her Italian accent seemed stronger.
The sounds made no sense. They were unlike anything I had ever heard.
It only took a few minutes then she closed the book and looked at me.
I almost felt disappointment, but more relief. I felt absolutely
nothing. I looked at my body. It was the same as before. "It's not
working, " I cried. "What is this charade? Were you trying to frighten
me?"
" No, have patience. It will take a minute or two."
"What about you? What about my Aunt Vittoria? Will it affect her?"
"It's good you should think of other people, Jacopo. It will not affect
me. I experienced the spell more than forty years ago, in Italy, and it
has made me, if you permit an old woman's vanity, fairly beautiful.
Your aunt has not experienced the spell, so she will have some changes
too." I saw that Vittoria was white -faced with apprehension.
" What was happening, that you underwent the spell?"
"Ah Jacopo, I think that such a matter is old history. It would not
help to revisit it." A brief wistful look passed over her face.
I peered at her. My grandmother certainly did not look her age. Her
hair was mostly grey, and her face had a few lines, but her skin was
still fairly smooth, her figure was still slim and I had noticed how
upright and graceful her carriage was as she moved. She wore a tight
corset, of course, like all the women did, but it was not just that.
Some of my more obviously corsetted aunts did not have her
gracefulness.
It was then that I felt a small shiver and I drew the gown around me
closer.
"I see you are starting to shiver. That is good. It shows the spell is
working. Have courage, you will start to shiver more, quite violently
even, and you will fall unconscious and the real changes will start."
She looked at my aunt. "Vittoria? How do you feel? Any effect yet?"
Vittoria drew her arms closer to her, as if to hug herself. "Yes, I
feel cold too."
My grandmother took my hand. "When the changes have finished you will
be still unconscious but you will waken in a day or so. Most of your
uncles, aunts and cousins will have gone home. You must prepare
yourself, as you will be almost overwhelmed by the changes in your
body. You will want to resist them or deny them but you must not.
Accept them. Work with them. You must always try to act as a woman to
avoid any suspicion. Your mind will resist at first, but after a few
months you will start to think as a woman does. It will become natural
to you. You will feel a woman's emotions and begin to like and enjoy
your new body. Men will be attracted to you. You will start to feel an
attraction to men."
She must have seen my horrified face. " But don't worry. We will have
you changed back before that."
I felt a sudden chill again and shivered. She nodded. "Yes it is
beginning to work. Lie back. The worst part is very soon."
I began to shiver again, but this time it only paused briefly before I
began shaking violently. I began to panic but then my eyes dimmed and I
remember no more.
Some time later, two days actually, they told me later, I felt a warm
washcloth wipe my face and someone shake my shoulder. My whole body was
filled with aching and I managed only to utter a low moan. I remembered
no more again until I began to be aware of sounds and a voice speaking
in my ear, as if from a distance. Again I tried to speak, grunting
through a dried mouth. I forced myself to concentrate, but it was too
much effort and I lapsed into a deep sleep yet again.
It was easier the next time. Someone was washing my face with scented
soap and then down my body, my arms and my legs. I realized I was
naked. The feel of the warm water was welcome, but my body felt
different somehow, more sensitive in places. My eyes were itchy and I
blinked them open, to see my Aunt Vittoria looking down at me tenderly.
I tried to smile at her and she smiled back, but a tear dropped from
her eye. She stroked my face and I managed to speak, "What has
happened?"
My grandmother came into view. "Come on, you must try to get moving,"
and she and my aunt lifted my back and slid a pillow behind my
shoulders.
My mind was still hazy and I tried to get my thoughts together. At
first I supposed must have been ill. I was thirsty. I sipped at the
water they held at my lips. Then memories came flooding back, something
about a spell and a woman......!
I cried out and looked at my hands and arms. The arms were smooth and
round, the wrists narrow and the hands small. They were not my own. I
clutched at my chest, feeling for the first time female breasts on it,
on me! I was now wearing a woman's nightdress. At some point they must
have dressed me in it. I began to whimper, not daring to examine
further, but my aunt kissed me, stroked my brow, and embraced me. "Come
on, you had better get up and look at yourself. You might as well get
it over with. Let me help you up." My bones creaked and my muscles
ached but I allowed myself to be eased out of bed and the nightdress
lifted from my shoulders so that I was naked.
In my life there has been nothing to compare with that moment, when I
first looked down on a body, so enormously changed. Two breasts filled
my view, prominent, their shape somewhere between half globes and
cones, each tipped with a dark pink areola and a prominent nipple.
"Feel them, test them," said my grandmother. " Get used to them. They
are a woman's birthright."
"But not mine," I thought. I was afraid to touch them, but when they
insisted I put my hands on them and tested their heavy ripeness, a
strange combination of firmness and yielding. I was aware that I would
now be vulnerable, as these breasts could attract attention that I did
not want.
"Test the nipples! Pinch them." I did so, almost wincing at the
pleasurable sensitivity, then shuddering.
"Now the rest of your body." She took my unwilling hands and ran them
down my body. I marvelled at the strongly indented waist, then the
broad hips and the slightly rounded belly between! How could I ever
describe the feeling of being thrown into a strange unfamiliar body? I
had known it would happen, but still I felt the shock of seeing,
nestled in the springy hair at the base of my belly, a prominent groove
instead of my familiar dangling penis and scrotum. Some curly pubic
hair lay on the bedsheets.
"Open your legs and feel in there," ordered my grandmother. "Here is a
small mirror."
I did so, exploring the complex ridges and folds, flinching at the
sensitive little nub below its hood and the moist opening further down.
This was too much. I sat down, overwhelmed. In some ways I had been
thinking this was all a fairy tale, or something unreal or a bad dream.
Now the evidence of the change was right in my eyes.
It was too much. I began to cry. Even worse, I knew I was weeping in
female tones. "I can't believe this," I said brokenly. My voice was
hoarse, yet unmistakably female.
I was not left alone to work through my misery. "Come on," said my
grandmother. "A bath for you first to get rid of the sweat, and then we
must get you into women's clothing." They ran a bath and led me to it.
It was slightly perfumed, a delicate feminine scent. The soap too had a
jasmine odour.
I looked at Aunt Vittoria. I had no difficulty recognizing her. She
was still the same person, but there was something different. She was
now very pretty. It was as if her face and body were subtly rearranged,
her features more balanced, her hair more lustrous. Her carriage was
straighter, her bust higher and her waist slimmer. So the spell had
affected her too. It was then that I realized that sometime in the past
my grandmother must have used the spell as there was no visible effect
on her.
They helped me into the bath with my unsteady feet, but suggested that
I wash my own body, the better to feel and get used to it. It was a
relief to wash, but I had to force myself to touch the unfamiliar
textures, valleys and contours. I was dried with a large pink towel and
put in front of a dressing table. " Now," said my grandmother, "your
clothes. This girl relative of the Vecchios, Maria Corrieri, is from a
middle class family, so we will give you suitable clothes. Her father
was of peasant stock, but managed to establish a small but moderately
successful winery. I have been able to get some clothes that were made
in Italy. Some others, the underwear, were made in France. We will have
to use some British made clothes, but I have cut off the labels. Very
little is brand new. After all, she does not have much money. Her
father's money was tied up in the vineyard.
"But I imagine a girl such as Maria would travel in the best clothes
she has. Other than that there would not be much. Now first, your
knickers. Put these on." I looked at the garment in trepidation. They
were in a pale pink material, with simple ruffles at the legs.
Grandmother snapped at me, "Come on. Put them on! What are you
hesitating for? They are what women wear. I am sure you know about
them." I was blushing furiously but she ignored me. My aunt held them
for me and tied the drawstring at the waist. I shivered at the feel of
the fine satin material against my skin. "Now, a chemise over the
top." That reached to just above my knees. It was a crisper material,
either a fine cotton or linen, I supposed, with little lace border at
the neck. I took a deep breath as she slid it over my shoulders. The
fine material settled over my shoulders and tickled my nipples. It was
cool and crisp on my belly, hips and thighs. "Here, see there is a
drawstring at the neck. This is for drawing it tighter or looser,
depending on the neckline of the gown or blouse you are wearing.
"Now your corset. You have a nice slim waist but women and girls of
your social class wear corsets."
I looked at it in exasperation. This was a boned garment in a heavy
pink flower patterned material, with four dangling suspenders. " Do I
have to?"
"Yes, you do! You need the corset for your outer clothes to fit
properly. It will also give you a neat waist and give you the proper
posture for the clothes such as Maria would be traveling in. Hold up
your arms."
My aunt wrapped the garment round me and clipped it at the front busk.
She began to pull the laces at my back and I felt my waist constricting
as she worked up and down. The tension increased until I grunted. I was
having more and more doubts about the whole business. Finally I was
almost gasping for breath. The garment held me uncompromisingly. I
would never be able to forget that I was wearing it. Slouching or
bending was impossible. I had to sit upright and I could not breathe
deeply. The top of the corset pulled my chemise in more round my
breasts, compressing them, but also supporting them.
"Take short breaths," said my aunt. "You will get used to it."
Grandmother looked at me critically. "I think that's tight enough for
the moment. Now, next, a camisole. This goes over the top of your
corset." Yet another layer was added to my clothing.
My grandmother opened a bag. "We have some nice stockings for you. They
are fine cotton. Hold out your leg." She bunched up a cotton stocking,
slid it over my foot, drew it up my leg and tightly fastened it to the
two suspenders. "Now, you do the other stocking. You will have to learn
to do it yourself." The front suspender was fairly easy, but the back
one was difficult, as I could not see it and I could barely bend with
the rigidity of the corset. At last I got it fastened and I
straightened upright, feeling the corset creak slightly. The stockings
felt smooth on my legs but I was aware of the tight pull of the
suspenders on them.
"Here are some petticoats," said my aunt and I was handed yet another
layer of clothing. I stepped into them, aware of the constraint of the
corset on my movements.
"Last, your gown. This is what a girl of your social class would wear.
I am not sure what work the Vecchio family will have in mind for you. I
suspect that you will be expected to work in one of their shops. Indeed
I hope so, as we want to find their secrets. So you will be in work
clothes much of the time. They will be less restricting but a much
rougher quality. You may not even need your corset except for dressing
up. The gown goes over the top. This is what is called an afternoon
gown.
"We have some other stuff and working clothes for you, just enough to
fill a small trunk. I think that would be the amount of clothes a
middle class girl would have. If the Vecchios put you to work you will
probably need more working clothes."
I began to feel very tired. "Am I done?" I asked. I had barely awakened
to a new body when I had been bathed, perfumed, then dressed in
outlandish and impractical clothing.
""No, this is just a start. We have to train you in your manners and
your deportment, even simple things like walking, sitting properly and
getting up, but I see that you are getting tired. Sometimes the effects
of the spell linger a few days? Why don't you go and lie down on top of
the bed for an hour or two?"
It seemed I had barely lain down on the bed when I was being roused
again. Training in walking and sitting 'gracefully', as she called it,
took another two days. I felt smothered in layes of clothing. I had to
walk with short steps and hold myself upright. I had to lower myself
gently into chairs, not that the corset allowed any slouching. It meant
I could only sit on the edge of chairs and had to rise carefully. I was
supposed to do it gracefully as well.
Good manners had been instilled in me from an early age, but more
seemed to be expected of women. For instance, they suggested I defer
more to men when talking with them so smile a lot and always try to be
demure. They gave me a fast training in cooking Italian dishes,
laundering and house cleaning.
At the end of the week my grandmother still shook her head. "You are
not great, you are still clumsy, but we do not have enough time. Your
boat is supposed to get into London in two days."
My grandmother and aunt took me to London by train the following day.
We stayed in a small hotel and the next day took a carriage to the dock
area. While I waited with my aunt in a small caf? my grandmother went
to off, leaving my aunt and I sitting nervously at a table. I felt
suffocated inside my tight clothing. Both the corset and my stockings
felt itchy. I wondered if my aunt had tied the corset extra tightly
that morning. I still was not used to women's clothing, and half
expected people to be pointing at me and laughing.
My grandmother returned a bit later with a heavyset man in rough and
patched clothes, obviously a dock labourer. She beckoned, "Follow me!"
The labourer pulled the steamer trunk onto a small cart and led us into
the side door of a warehouse, I suppose, as it was filled with sacks of
sugar. From there we went through another series of warehouses until
when I looked out a dirty window I saw that we were right on the
dockside. Some passengers were already disembarking from a small
steamship.
Aunt Vittoria kissed me and embraced me. "Jacopo, thank you for this.
Or perhaps I should now call you Maria. Have courage. It will only be a
few months and you will have your life back."
My grandmother embraced me as well. "Now remember my instructions," she
ordered. "Make sure you contact me. I expect a report from you every
week at least. Oh yes!" She pushed some papers in my hand. "These are
something to identify you." She stuck a shipping label on the case with
the name of the ship, embraced me again and she almost pushed me out
the door, followed by the trunk, into the midst of the disembarking
passengers milling about and collecting their luggage, most calling for
porters. I was not noticed in the confusion. I watched nervously as the
passengers collected their belongings and passed through Customs.
Bewildered by the procedure I wanted to stand right at the dock but a
steamship official pointed to Customs shed and I had no choice but to
drag the trunk over there myself. I had no English money to pay a
porter. My grandmother had given me some Italian money to help my
masquerade. I could barely move the trunk and I cursed at the weak
female body. At last a porter took pity on me and moved it there. I
offered him some Italian money but he just grinned, and shook his head.
"Anyfink to help a pretty lady," he said in his cockney accent. He
touched his cap and left me.
I had no trouble at Customs. The officer opened my case and trunk and
briefly looked inside them but was satisfied with my story and I was
free to go.
I had no idea which of the Vecchios was to pick me up so, as
instructed, I stood by my trunk, clutching a small handbag and a
valise. I felt forlorn, just standing there outside the Customs office
and away from the docks. I was in a strange body, abandoned by my
family, in a strange place, masquerading as another, and about to be
involved in spying.
At last I saw a cab approach and a man jumped down from it. He looked
at me and then at a photograph and moved over to me. He was a rough
looking man, maybe around forty years old, wearing workman's clothes
and a cap. "Signorina Corrieri, Maria ?" he asked. His Italian was
hesitant and strongly English accented. He looked as if he was slightly
in awe of my appearance.
I replied in English. I had a good ear for sounds and I was able to
eliminate the Liverpudlian in my accent and replace it with an Italian
inflexion. "Yes," I said, slightly curtseying to him. "I can speak
English well. Yes, I am Maria Corrieri. You have come to meet me,
Signor?"
"Yes, I am Pietro Vecchio. I am sorry I am late but the train from
Liverpool was delayed and then I had to get a cab to come here. I am
pleased to meet you. You know, your mother was a cousin of mine. My
sympathy on your father's death. I have come to collect you and take
you to our house in Liverpool. We will take the train there." He looked
over my possessions. "These are all your belongings, Maria?"
"Yes," I said. "I am afraid it is everything I own."
He looked me up and down. "You are well dressed, Maria, too well
dressed. You will have to get something more fitting for you to work in
our shops. Now, we must get North. I do not want to have to pay for a
hotel in London. I think with your trunk there, a cab will be best to
get to the railway station."
With some trepidation I allowed him to shepherd me to a cab and then to
Euston station where he bought a single ticket for me. His manner was
polite, but I could not decide whether he resented me or wanted to
become my friend.
The train journey was uncomfortable. Pietro occasionally tried to make
conversation but usually after I had answered he lapsed into long looks
at the countryside as it passed by. It was as if he was uncomfortable
looking at me. We were seated in a crowded third-class compartment. At
least my own family had paid for a first class journey for me on he way
down. Pietro asked me a number of questions about Italy but as I had
been well primed I am sure he detected nothing wrong about my replies.
I asked him about his life and the Vecchio family but his replies were
also short.
Finally after some hours we arrived at Liverpool. I was familiar with
the station but even so I checked out the position of the mailbox. I
saw my Aunt Vittoria, standing by a newsagent's shop, checking my
arrival no doubt, but I could not acknowledge her.
Another brief cab ride took us to the Vecchio house, situated right
above their caf? and I was introduced to all of the family, who lined
up formally to welcome me.
I use 'welcome' hesitatingly. It was as if taking me in was an onerous
duty. There was the patriarch Alberto, an old man with a stoop. He
spoke only in Italian. His wife, Paola, was a small, but wiry looking
woman. Her hair was snow white. There were two sons, the elder Pietro
and a younger son Aloisio. Pietro was married to Lorna and had two
sons, Dario and Flavio and twin fifteen year old daughters Luisa and
Lucia. The younger son Aloisio, was married to Fiorenza and had one son
Arturo. They lived in a separate household nearby.
Eventually I was shown to a room. I was annoyed that I would share it
with the twins. I would have little privacy.
They set me to work the very next day. Of course they expected that I
would have no experience of serving in a caf?. Despite my boredom with
it, I actually had worked quite a bit in my grandmother's restaurant,
especially after my parents were killed.
The Vecchios gave me only menial jobs, washing dishes, scrubbing tables
and the floor, and preparing food and brewing drinks and stuff rather
than actually serving customers. Not that I had any great love, with my
abilities, of any of the restaurant work.
Invariably the Vecchios ate their meals at the restaurant, except for
Sunday dinner. At the end of each day I was exhausted. When I got home
I would wash, skim half heartedly over the local newspaper and crawl
into bed. Then the next morning I would be up at six to start again.
The Vecchios were Roman Catholic and on Sunday mornings the whole
family trooped to the early mass at the nearest Catholic church. That
was almost the only rest I had in the whole week as they then hurried
home and changed into work clothes for another noon start at the
restaurant. Although I had been raised an Episcopalian, I went along
with them as Maria Corrieri was known to have been Catholic. I was
unfamiliar with the Latin and the services at first and had to watch
the Vecchio girls for clues to the parts of the mass and the ritual,
when to kneel and so on.
I was supposed to wear my best to church, like all of the family, and
this included the dreaded corset. The Vecchio girls were also expected
to wear their best clothes for church, which also included corsets and
we began to help each other lace up, and fix the tricky back
suspenders. On these days I was actually glad to get out of my own
corset after church and into work clothes for the rest of the day. The
girls may have complained about theirs, but at the same time they were
proud of their tiny waists. Both giggled about the possibility of
attracting the attention of men.
I could see too that many of the congregation were scrutinizing me.
Stares, winks, grins and attempts at conversation by many of the young
men made me blush. I did not encourage these, and the Vecchios seemed
to approve of my coldness, as these aspiring suitors were mainly from
Irish families. However, any attention from the young men of the few
Italian families was accepted, and even encouraged. I had some sharp
comments from Pietro that I should smile to them much more.
I was so hard worked and exhausted that I had great difficulty getting
time to write reports to my grandmother. In fact, with sharing a room
with the two girls I barely had enough privacy. I took to writing
reports in the toilet with a stub of a pencil, hiding them in my
underwear and mailing them anytime I could be out on my own.
The Vecchios did not appear to be as well off as my family, or possibly
they were thrifty. They worked even harder than my own family but I
suspect their locations were better than ours and they got more
business that way.
After a month I was used to the work, but my hands were dry, worn and
rough, and my fingernails were broken. At least I had gradually built
up my stamina. When I was almost overcome with boredom I would think
about this as prelude to an acting career. I kept hoping I would be
given the easier serving work, but there was no hint of that until one
day Pietro summoned me to follow him into the cubbyhole he used as an
office. I was wary of this, as I had often caught Pietro looking at me
in a strange way when his wife was not around.
"How are you getting on, Maria? Come and sit here beside me." His
friendliness seemed to be forced. "How do you find the work?"
"In truth Pietro, I found it hard and exhausting at first but I am used
to it now."
"Perhaps we can soon try you serving customers. Your English is very
good. Tell me, Maria, I have seen you writing some things. Who are you
writing to?"
Better a good lie than a bad one. "To my grandmother in Italy."
"Really? I did not know you still had a grandmother?"
"She is on my father's side. We were very close, but she was too poor
to take me in after my parents died. That is the only reason she
allowed me to be sent here. I would have preferred to remain in sunny
Italy. It is too cold and damp here."
He had been leaning closer and closer to me, making me uncomfortable,
but at my words he drew back. "You complain too much! Would you prefer
to live in poverty in Italy? Here you have work and a family who look
after you!"
If this was what was called looking after, I wonder what true servitude
would have been like to them, but I bit my tongue, and apologized.
" So Maria, what do you write about to your grandmother? Do you
complain to her?"
"No, Pietro, I tell her of myself, how I find the English, how I am now
part of your family and how the work is. Many things."
That did not seem to arouse suspicion but, "when you write again,
Maria, let me see your letter before you send it?"
"Of course, Pietro."
But I never did have to do this. Two days later I was scrubbing a floor
when I realized that there was someone behind me. It was Pietro.
"Maria, that part needs done better." I sighed, but dutifully bent to
the scrubbing again, then straightened up and looked to him. He barely
suppressed a smirk and I realized he had been staring at my swaying
rear as I bent over with the scrubbing brush. I knew what he was
thinking.
I barely suppressed a blush, but I was angry too. "Is that to your
satisfaction now, Pietro? I said sarcastically.
"Yes, much better." He gave another smirk. " Maria, the family is
opening another caf?, this time in Sheffield. It is a manufacturing
centre and a good place to expand to. My brother Aloisio is already
there and has chosen a location. We think you should go there. I will
take you there in two days. Be ready. You must pack up all of your
belongings."
I was furious. I was to be sent as a servant, almost a slave, to
another part of the country, without even being asked about it. Just
like that I was to pick up and leave! Even worse, it became obvious
that no one in the family seemed to be too concerned or sorry to see me
go, other than the two girls who shared the room with me.
My times with the girls in our bedroom had been more pleasant than with
the rest of the family. They were about my age and did not seem to
resent me as much. However, some of my times with them could only be
described as excruciating. Although I never saw any of the twins
actually naked, I frequently got glimpses of tender female flesh,
curves of breasts, nipples, rounded buttocks and even glimpses of shiny
dark curly pubic hair. It was inevitable, with being crowded into a
small room together, and as the girls frequently helped each other
dress or change clothes. They eventually roped me in to help them
dress. The first week I was too nervous with them in case they noticed
anything strange about me. Then later, it was excruciating torture.
Their beautiful voluptuous bodies called to me, yet I dared not do
anything and when I looked down at my own female anatomy I knew I was
just like the girls. One day I pushed into the room unexpectedly, to a
short squeal from one of the girls. I saw flushed cheeks and shining
eyes as she hurriedly pulled down her chemise. I pretended that I had
seen nothing but I had to grit my teeth, look away and go for a long
walk. It took me about three months before I was able to force
temptation to the back of my mind.
That last night with them I packed my case with my better clothes and
the trunk with my work clothes. I was in my nightdress.
I had been able to get a letter off to my grandmother to tell her what
was happening. I wondered what altered arrangements she would have to
make to get me away from the Vecchios. I hoped that once she knew my
new address she would be able to get in contact with me. I could leave
at virtually a moment's notice. Once I was a man again the female
clothes would be useless to me. Perhaps the twins might inherit them.
"We'll miss you," said Luisa and she hugged me. Lucia hugged me too.
"Maria?" Luisa asked. "Don't you like boys?"
I had no proper answer. "Why?" I asked.
"Well, you haven't shown any interest in them at all. Some good looking
boys have come into the caf?. And many at church have tried to speak to
you but you ignored them all."
I had been kept busy in the caf? with work and I had barely thought of
any of the customers. Besides, I certainly was not interested in the
attentions of any men. My time in disguise was only half way through.
Six months, my grandmother had said. I had three months to endure.
" I mean, wouldn't you like a boy to hold you and kiss you?" Luisa had
come in front of me, Lucia behind me. I suddenly felt apprehensive.
"Yes, a boy to hold you and run his hands over you and caress you."
Luisa seized my hands and held them while Lucia clasped her hands over
my breasts and pinched the nipples. I flinched more than I wanted to
then Luisa kissed me right on the mouth and before I could react the
other pulled up my nightgown tightly around me baring my breasts and
belly but trapping my hands. They kissed my breasts. I tried to
wriggle free but my arms were trapped. I wriggled under their hands but
dared not cry out for fear of what their mother would say if she came
in.
They pushed me onto the bed and Lucia forced her hands between my
thighs, ignoring my squirming as she found the nub and stroked it. She
was merciless. I could not dare cry out. What would their mother say if
she found us like that? I felt a tension building until with rushes of
indrawn breaths I convulsed.
With muffled giggles, they released me gasping on my bed. "See! That's
what it will be like with boys. Maybe even more!"
" How would you know?" I hissed, but that just brought more giggles.
Obviously they had been able to elude their parents' supervision.
I must have been purple with embarrassment and I pulled down my
nightgown and belted a dressing gown tightly around my waist. I wanted
to hide and cry but I would have shown my weakness.
I barely managed to concentrate on folding the clothes neatly. I was
embarrassed, but not only by what the girls had done, but with my own
feelings. The orgasm had come as a shock but I knew I had actually
liked the sensations. My female body, maybe even my mind, was now
reacting appropriately to my female anatomy. The girls had said what it
would be like if I was with a man. I shivered, but was it dread or
curiosity? The sooner I got away from all of this the better.
My packing done, I climbed into the narrow bed and tried to fall
asleep, but churning thoughts filled my mind. I knew I actually had
begun to look at men, almost evaluating them. My grandmother had warned
me about this. It was time to get away from my female body, but now I
was being sent away, further from my grandmother, the book and the
rcverse spell that would end this torture.
Pietro and his son Flavio carried my trunk to the railway station the
next afternoon, grumbling as they carried it through the pouring rain.
I was carrying my bag, a small suitcase and a large umbrella which I
tried to hold over Pietro. I was wearing my best clothes for traveling.
It was going to be a journey of some hours to Sheffield. They had
originally intended to go in the morning, but a piece of equipment had
broken down in the caf? and the urgent repairs needed delayed our
leaving.
As I expected, Pietro had bought seats in a third class compartment,
and we had to squeeze between an elderly couple and a young mother with
a brood of children. At Manchester these got off and I was left alone
with Pietro. The sun was low in the west and the compartment was
getting dark with only the low illumination from the single electric
light.
Uneasily I realized I was alone with Pietro, confined in the
compartment, and that he was now looking at me. "Come and sit by me,
Maria," he said.
"No, I am comfortable here," I replied. I pretended I was only
interested in looking out the window. Not that there was little to see,
other than some distant lights.
Instead, he moved beside me, trapping me between himself and the
compartment window. He put his hand on my thigh.
I flinched. "Please don't, Pietro. Remember your family."
"Come on, Maria, you must have noticed me. You know I want you. You are
very beautiful, you know. You must know that from the first time I saw
you in London, I have thought you were beautiful. It was not convenient
that time but now is our chance. I won't see as much of you in the
future." He leaned over to try to kiss me.
I tried to push him away. "Please, leave me alone. You are married. And
I feel nothing for you."
That seemed to anger him. "You snooty ungrateful little slut. We took
you in. You are an orphan. We have sheltered you and now you act like
you are above us. Have you no gratitude?" He put an arm round my
shoulder and again leaned over to try to kiss me. His left hand had
pushed into my blouse, found my breast and begun squeezing it. His
right hand had pushed under my skirt probing up my thighs. I struggled
to push him away but he was much stronger. I scratched his face with my
right hand and when he flinched I was able to slide underneath his arms
to the floor. I scrambled up to face him but there was no place to
escape. He was about to lunge at me again when I seized my umbrella and
pushed it into his stomach as hard as I could. As he gasped and bent
over I reversed the umbrella and hit him on the nose with the handle.
He cried and clutched his nose, now streaming blood, and I hit him
again as hard as I could on the back of the head. He cried and fell
down. I hit him yet again.
I sat down breathing hard, suddenly terrified. What if I had killed
him? But when I checked I felt a pulse and he even gave a small groan.
When he woke up my life would be in danger. I had to get out. Yet the
train was chugging through the country, now almost dark.
Shuddering with just touching him, or perhaps it was my own nerves, I
put my hand into his jacket and pulled out his wallet, I opened it and
removed some money, then pulled the emergency chain above the door. The
train began to brake almost immediately and I lost my balance and fell
over him. I struggled to my feet and grabbed my small case and bag. The
trunk was too cumbersome and I would have to leave it. The train was
rapidly slowing down and when it had almost stopped I opened the door
of the compartment and holding my case I leaped out into the dark. I
had hoped for level grass but the train track was on an embankment and
I fell over and rolled or slid the whole way down the wet grass to the
bottom, finishing against a stone wall, my skirt and petticoats around
my thighs.
I was winded but I had to keep going. I lurched to my knees, and then
to my feet. I was dirty and scratched but nothing seemed to be broken
or strained. A faint moonlight through the clouds allowed me to find
my bag and case, even my hat. The train was now stopped, and two guards
with lanterns were checking from compartment to compartment. They would
soon discover Pietro.
I took a small road leading away from the train track, keeping into the
shade of a hedge, carrying the case and walking as fast as I could to
get away from the train. I tried to run but I was soon out of breath
and had a stitch because of the constriction of my corset. I would
have stopped and removed it but I did not have time and I would have
been too undressed. At least it had stopped raining.
I finally had to stop to rest at a small ruined hut beside the road and
huddled under the remnants of its roof to get my breath back and to
decide on my action. I was in a predicament. I was alone, a single
young woman, on an isolated country road and thus suspicious. The
police would be informed that a train had made an emergency stop.
Partly it depended on what Pietro did. If he reported that I had
attacked and robbed him they would start to search for me. If the
police caught me I could be sent to prison. Worse, they might find out
my whole story.
I shivered with cold and worry until the eastern sky began to grow pale
and I set off again. I washed my dirty hands in a small stream and
combed my hair, checking my face in my small mirror. It was slightly
smudged and I rubbed the dirt off with my handkerchief. I checked my
clothes. I had some dirt on my coat and skirt, but when it dried I was
able to rub it off and look a bit more respectable. I managed to get
another two miles before it was fully daytime. At one point I had to
hide by the side of the road when a small trap came along. I was afraid
that if I met anyone on the road I could be noticed and possibly
reported. The further away I was the better.
I got careless and found myself in an open area as I was overtaken by a
small cart, driven by a farm worker. I would have to bluff it out.
" Fine morning, Miss!" It was a sharp faced farm worker, about fifty, I
would guess. His skin was so weatherbeaten that it looked brown.
"Yes, it is."
"Tha needs a lift, lass?" he asked. "Tha's not dressed for walking
much."
Riding on the cart would be better than walking. The seat was even
fairly clean looking, but I would need to think up an excuse and a
plausible story. At least we were now about five miles from where I had
jumped from the train.
"Where's tha going, lass? What brings a pretty lass out here. Lucky
it's not raining."
"Oh, eventually to Manchester, to get some work in a mill."
"I'll be going a bit or so further down the road?" If he was curious
about me he did not show it. My brief answers seemed to satisfy him
and he probed no further. Some miles further down the road he pointed
to a hill. "So I'll have to leave here. That's my farm just over there,
but just over that next rise, lass, starts to get more houses and such.
There's a pub where tha could have bite t' eat. Stop for the night,
maybe. Tha looks worn out."
He helped me down from the cart and I thanked him. Pulling his cap over
his head he turned the cart to the farm and did not give me another
look. As I breasted the hill I could see that the village was actually
on the outskirts of a larger town. I was getting hungry but when I was
about to approach the pub I saw a policeman going in and I hid behind a
wall for about ten minutes until I saw him leave.
As the policeman could have been asking about me and even have a
description, I set off down the road again. It became more built up and
there were more carriages and people walking about their business, but
apart from a few casual glances I was left alone. A horse drawn omnibus
was waiting outside an inn, and as I found it was going in the
direction I wanted I paid for a ride with some of Pietro's money. I was
glad to get off my feet, and the further away from the train the
better.
The omnibus came to its terminus about five in the afternoon, and as I
was getting very tired and hungry I needed a suitable place for the
night. Just around the corner from the terminus I saw a building with a
sign for a 'Working Women's Hostel'. That would be ideal. I would be
off the streets and it would probably be clean and reasonably cheap. I
expected I would have to sleep in a dormitory, but I had endured six
months of sharing a small room with two girls and it would not be much
worse.
The dormitory already held several other girls, mostly in their teens
or twenties, many of them working at local cotton mills. Most of them
just ignored me and kept to their own groups. I supposed they had seen
many women coming and going. The hostel supplied meals but in two or
three days I began to venture outside.
Two days later in a local newspaper I saw a small article about the
train being stopped and a businessman being assaulted and robbed. My
heart began to pound until I read further and it said the police were
looking for a man. A brief description was even given. I began to
breathe easier. Pietro had obviously been unwilling or ashamed to tell
the truth. I wondered what he would tell his family. So I was safe but
I would soon have to move or make other arrangements. The money I had
stolen would only last a few weeks.
I started to write a letter to my grandmother, to explain where I was,
to come and rescue me. I had been ordered to remain with the Vecchios
for six months, but I was barely half way through that time. I wondered
if she would be angry.
I was in a dilemma about what to do. I was angry with my family for
having forced me into my role, and the predicament it had brought me
to. Also, I had nearly been raped. What would have happened if Pietro
had been successful and I had become pregnant? Still, the only way back
to my male body was to contact myfamily. Unfortunately I had not lasted
six months with the Vecchios and now further contact with the Vecchio
family was impossible. Would they decide that I had not done my part? I
was so undecided that I did not finish the letter and after a week I
tore it up.
The following Sunday morning most of the factories appeared to be
closed. I was tired of lounging around in the hostel and as it was a
nice day I dressed as well as I could and walked down the street,
enjoying the sunshine. I passed by the local Episcopalian church. The
members of the congregation were just going in to the service and on a
whim I went in too. I had a few curious looks from some of the
congregation but I asked a parishioner at the door to suggest a pew I
could sit in to take part. I actually enjoyed the service and hymns. It
was comforting and reassuring to have something familiar back in my
life.
The service over, I began to make my way out. The vicar had noticed me
and politely shook hands with me. Some members of the congregation
looked at me and smiled, I gave a brief smile back, but I did not try
to start any conversation.
By the next day I had made up my mind that I would wait another few
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